go hang a salami im a lasagna hog

[twerklina]

[valtsv]

*experiences romance once* augh… my delicate constitution… *develops consumptive fever and falls into a coma*

[valtsv]

did you attend middle school in the 19th century or something

[capricorpus]

i lived in a really rural town and we were doing an incubation unit in science at the time and the teacher joked that we’d better keep the baby chicks away from Kyle’s (the boy who kissed her) lips and then everyone jumped on the bandwagon and made fun of him for having the kiss of death and then he ran into the woods after school and climbed into a tree and howled for a little while in anguish (at the time his friends were also doing this really big werewolf roleplay thing) but then came down after his mom came to pick him up

he felt really bad about getting her (Katie) sick so he put all of his silly bandz in a box to give her after she got better but then the very day she returned he didn’t go to school and we never heard from him again because his whole family had left town. and like he kissed her in the first place because it was his last chance to do it since he was moving from town the next week but like the timing was crazy given the circumstances

anyway Katie got better and then she had a monopoly on the seventh grade for a little while because she had a crazy amount of silly bandz which were like a symbol of coolness so she became really popular for a solid three weeks or so and everyone forgot she kissed a werewolf and then immediately fell ill so it all worked out in the end

[abysmallylost23]

i-

[oribiys-remade-deactivated20200]

everytime i move i crunch like popcorn

[battenna]

and everytime we kiss i swear i could fly

[pukicho]

r/funny on reddit is just filled to the brim with the least comedic shit on the internet. So much so that it occasionally turns back around to being funny again.

[systlin]

But seriously, if alien PLANTS ever show up, citrus and oaks are going to be trying to breed with them IMMEDIATELY. 

We make fun of ourselves for being willing to fuck aliens, but I guarantee you that citrus and oaks are right there with us, aggressively trying to cross-pollinate with any new and interesting conquests. 

[jungwildeandfree]

all this time, the real whores were the lemons, not the women who stole them 

[tindershwinder]

[nintendometro]

An outtake cutscene from ‘Mario Power Tennis’ on the Nintendo Gamecube.

[sanpellegrinopussy]

Waluigi speaking coherent English is a terrifying reality I didnt voluntarily sign up for

[ripleyandweeds]

even worse when what he says in coherent english is “don’t expect mouth to mouth”

[pastrygeckos]

im DONOT care if the birbs are not here yet THEY WILL BE and i MUST yelle

[tittled]

[susa-maru]

[elodieunderglass]

oh NO

[justtrustmeokay-deactivated2021]

[epictroll]

[guy]

whant the heck

[bestviralposts]

DISNEY SONGS HIT DIFFERENT WHEN YOU’RE IN THE SHOWER 

video by: KABOUNI 

*pls don’t remove credit*

[ke0729]

My new favorite video on the internet

[stagebanshee]

I didn’t expect this to go as long as it did

[mortimer-brewster]

This is absolutely fantastic…

[saltrat88]

[gray-firearms-deactivated201905]

I am fucking dying

[jumpingjacktrash]

i’ve never heard such a good attenborough impression i’m rolling

[loloftheday]

Do NOT bend over during a panoramic…

[optimisticbananaharmony-deactiv]

[erainab]

[orange-twilight]

i am shook to my goddamn CORE. THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

[hashtagloveloses]

peak LGBT ally is robert pattinson and taylor lautner kissing each other so that kristen stewart didn’t have to be straight live on TV

[the-incedible-sulk]

OKAY BUT LOOK AT HER FACE! LOOK AT HOW HAPPY SHE IS THAT HES NOT MAKING HER GO THROUGH WITH WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT

The movies might have sucked, but the actors have redeeming qualities

[donnasweettttttttt]

every single thing robert pattinson ever does is intentionally genetically engineered to make stephenie meyer’s mormon blood boil hot enough for her to feel the constant neverending pain he experienced having to make and promote her movies for all those years. this is more than lgbt allyship. this is revenge.

[lubricates]

SORRY GIRLS

[darkmelaningirls-deactivated202]

[sweepmoon]

Florence and the Machine at last night’s Spotify event in Brooklyn. As Florence began to sing Sky Full of Song a literal storm began to hit, she never faltered and embraced the storm.

[omgamazingwtf123-deactivated202]

Watching this was an ethereal experience

[britneyqueers]

this queen literally summoned a storm during her performance when will your fave ever control the weather with such accuracy

[1999gorl]

[no-mi-torta]