Hey it's I was reflecting on a lot of things and thought of you. I wanted to reach out and apologize because I wasn't a healthy person when I was around you and I regret how I acted. I was in the wrong.
Who is this?
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@squireofshadows
Hey it's I was reflecting on a lot of things and thought of you. I wanted to reach out and apologize because I wasn't a healthy person when I was around you and I regret how I acted. I was in the wrong.
Who is this?
I wish that i didn't wake up feeling worse then i did going to sleep because of how alone i feel. I knew no one was there when i fell asleep, but dreaming of you and not having you there when i wake still feels like having someone i love being taken from me.
World building is a lot of work
You never realize it until you have to build societies that interact with each other despite previous conflicts, cultural differences, and economic alliances, geographical complexities and all the got dang monsters you got to spread around everywhere. Also sources of fresh water....fuck that.
Hey, what's up? Long time no see
Hey. Nothing much. I haven't been writing much on here in a long time.
Reblog and you’ll find money soon!
Yes.
Also weird I reblobbed the other money one last night and a freelance check I invoiced for a month ago came in.
reblobbed
seriously have nothing to lose
Did it once might as well let it stack. At least I’m not buying loto tickets
You guys, I reblogged this 2 days ago out of desperation. Today I was looking through my old wallet for coins to go to the vending machine because that’s all I can fucking afford. I haven’t touched this thing since July/ August. When I found a disappointing 15 cents in the coin pocket I went to the billfold to see if any coins were in there. That’s when I saw them. 5 crisp bills amounting to $22. I literally screamed and danced around my room out of joy before remembering that I’d reblogged this post.
Tl;dr - This post is fucking magical and actually worked for me.
I never reblog these, let’s give it a shot. BIG MONEY, BIG MONEY
I reblogged this last week and withing an hour I got a client after a month of silence! Literally gave me money to eat for the rest of the month.
Crazy enough but my mom randomly gave me 200 dollars after I reblogged one of these the other day…
I have a theory that these posts actually gather energy from the wishes of people who reblog them and that’s why they work. Plus, yanno, they get passed around by witches…a lot. :)
Ok… Let’s do it!!!!
Gen. History of D.D.
littlecornercreature said:Took me this long to realize it but... You have a general history for the Prophetics, could you do a history post on the D.D?
Darkness demons have a history that is both fascinating and cruel. I’ve mentioned in another post that they tend to pick their mates with the thought of how their future heirs will grow and what attributes they will acquire that would be considered useful. This is typically a trait found amongst the nobility. The ultimate desire being having a child born who would be close to physical perfection.
Most of the common Darkness Demons will have adapted mostly to the whatever their regions require of them. Those near the coast might have more aquatic features such as gills and fins to help them survive the waters and the dangers that lurk within them etc.
The only ones that are not noble but still are allowed to actively keep trying to adapt their children are the knighthoods and those directly sponsored by the nobility. The Knighthoods are a stand alone military force that works directly under the Emperor, but otherwise has no other nobility standing over them. As the nobility often stands as their own domain’s standing forces for defense and control over their domains the Knighthoods act as a roaming police and occasionally a back-up for weaker, but affluent nobility. Such as orphaned children forced to take up the mantel of their dead parents or those who focus more on intellectual pursuits rather than the martial ones.
Unfortunately for those unable to afford the costs of the Knighthood, or have good enough relations with other nobles who would be willing to offer support the idea is that those who are not fit to rule will die and a new family line will be installed to pick up the slack should the previous one be killed off entirely or deemed no longer worthy.
The reason why their is such a strictness in terms of fighting prowess that is demanded of the Nobility comes from the innate nature of darkness demons as a whole. Their powers, especially their magical abilities fluctuate Wildly with their emotions. This applies to the whole species so the nobility must have the strength in one way or another to keep control over the masses who, at any point have some kind of breakdown emotionally, will be temporarily transformed by their rampant and unchecked magic forcibly adapting their form to suit whatever their desire is at the time. this is another reason why their is an outside force beyond the nobility that is allowed to have a similar strength, because they must be able to subdue the nobility should they be the ones to suffer a breakdown and go wild.
Nobles must have the strength to subdue those individuals and if it gets to a point where they cannot then they would either be deemed unworthy or must be given sufficient time to train to a point where they can do it. Usually the only people who are allowed to take time to train are those who were forced to pick up the mantel before they were ready.
I hope that answered your question. Sorry for taking so long to get to it.
Been getting into D&D lately.
Bought my first set of dice and got a matching dice bag for them. Might create try my hand at creating a story line to play with people and perhaps turn into a book if i like how it goes. Hoping to do that with the my group of friend’s now, but we’ll see how that goes.
A long time
It’s been quite a while that i’ve written anything of note on here. Been busy with work and life, and trying to write to no avail, and trying to invest time into being with friends and in turn losing some others. I’d offer an apology, but i doubt it would be believed or even considered. Instead I will simply wish them a good life with good days to come. The loss is disappointing to me, but it was through some fault of my own, so i can accept it.
I shall try to return to my activity on this blog of mine if only to keep a means of connection available.
[A tweet from Lauren DeStefano: Writing is like reading except the book is trying to kill you] (source)
#also it’s screaming the entire time#and so are you
Oh god. It is.
@gemlikegemstone
@squireofshadows
Lol so damn true
Chittering increases in volume
you’re such a dork
Cold fingers
After i had finished talking to the General knights of the order and them instating me as a knight, even without a name, I left the Order to deal with the mark that was left on my face.
All it took was a bit of concentration and i felt the blood on my face warm and moisten as i was pulled into the realm of the Bloody Maidens. They were waiting for me eagerly. They weren’t atop any pillars or any place higher than myself. Instead we were standing on a simple plateau.
“Here on business this time?” the youngest asked with a mischievous smile. “No more waiting?”
I nodded. “I need to know about (a thing). What (it) is and where i can find (it)?”
The middle one smirked. “Those answers are nothing without the means to travel where you want to go.”
“I need all those answers then.” i replied simply, but i already knew where this was heading.
“The first two will be given for free. The last must be paid for.” The eldest said as she stood on her feet, her two extra arms rising over her shoulders and held up in the air as if she were still trying to walk with them. “ A favor for a favor.”
I knew it was going to be something I would probably not like doing, but this was something i had to do.
We hashed out the finer details and came to our agreement. “Now that we have that out of the way the answer to your final question is simple. You cannot go to where (it) is, until you can take (it’s) form.”
I sighed and figured to get ready for another deal to be made. “No need to worry. We will teach you, but there will be no cost. This is included in our answer.”
I nodded thankfully, but knew that it just meant the favor they would eventually ask me for would be difficult. The eldest of the sisters pulled her hands close to me and used one of her jagged nails to slice into her vein and then pulled it above her skin. “Drink and find what you seek.”
i shuddered a little at the offer, but did as she said. I woke up some time later. I looked at them and they just smiled at me. “Come now. Again. You must try again.”
I was confused for a moment before i remembered what i had been trying to do. I focused on it again and then i woke up again. Again they stood together instead of the usual triangular stance they took. “Again. You must try again.”
i wanted to ask them what was going on since my memory felt fuzzy, but their words compelled me to do it again.
For a moment i felt my flesh change. The world and everything in it turned gray, but then it faded to black and the next thing i did was wake up.
I felt heat returning to my fingertips and lips as i woke and felt like i had been there for days or even weeks.
“You delve too deep. You give yourself up to this too easily. Step into it, but do not drown yourself. You are you. Not them.”
it was the only piece of advice they had given me, but it was all i needed to do what i needed to do. the form was taken and I learned why i had no memories of the other times i had taken it. the form i was taking was one of undeath. it was one that needed for nothing and so it gave importance to nothing. it took me a long time to get accustomed to that form. When i was finally ready i knew where i needed to go and how to get there.
#3 #4 #9 #10 #16 #17 #22 #24 #28 #33
#3 Are you confident?
Honestly most of the time. Nope. Not really. I feel inadequate in a plethora of ways. At the same time, i’ve learned to not give a fuck anymore. The verbal degradation i receive on a day to day basis about almost anything i did, do, or will do from my mom got me to the point where i simply don’t care about impressing anyone and i always believe i’m under par, but i’ll do it anyway because i’m a stubborn piece of shit, and i enjoy knowing i did something to try to change myself.
#4 What are you most confident about?
I don’t know. I’m not really confident in anything i do. I’m told i’m handsome, but I don’t understand what people are talking about since i’m almost never talk to by anyone at all. I barely speak in public setting except when it comes to answering questions, telling terrible puns, or coming up with obscure nuggets of information i’ve gathered over the years. other than that i’m terribly socially awkward, but i’ve come to accept this about myself and since i’ve learned not to give fucks i’ve become rather apathetic towards other people. I guess it could be my stubborness to not give up despite not feelinglike most things are worth the trouble of doing?
#9 Do you have any kinks? What are they?
I don’t really know. I’ve never really cared to explore sexually. I haven’t had many partners, and the ones i did have either didn’t really enjoy sex for their own personal reasons, tried to pressure me into doing things that i wasn’t comfortable with and so i ended up breaking up with them, or haven’t been able to do anything physical with. i like having been bitten once, but i think that was more the person i was with than the act of biting that got me off.
#10 What are some of your biggest pet peeves?
This one is simple. i don’t like being spoken down to. I’m not anyone’s lesser. I may not understand everything about every topic, sure i can admit when i don’t know something, but don’t try to make me seem stupid or less because of it.
I absolutely hate being talked over. People like to get their point across, but if i let you speak for 10 minutes straight without interruption the least you can do is offer me the same courtesy. My mom is notorious for it, but i’ve gotten to the point where i will point blank yell at the top of my lungs over her to say what i have to say once or just straight up walk away from her. other people i tend to literally just look at them with the most uninterested eyes ever and then ask them what did they say before turning away.
last, but not least is people choosing to ignore things that are right in front of them. I get people can be firm in their beliefs, but if there is clear evidence from quotable sources then why still defend the blatantly wrong opinions? it makes no sense to me and gets frustrating beyond belief.
#16 what is something you don’t like about yourself?
Mostly? my apathetic nature. I don’t feel like doing much of anything ever. I have trouble feeling any kind of emotion on a day to day basis, and i end up losing out on the importance of a lot of things in my life because i literally end up feeling almost nothing for everything.
#17 What is something positive happening in your life right now?
I have a job so i’m not broke. Almost always tired though. I have good friends, no matter how few in number they are or how little i see them in person. I have a house to live in, good food to eat most of the time, and clothes. I’m pretty much sound of body except for some low joint pain from low vitamin D.
#22 Would/have you ever pierce your genitalia?
probably not. Thought about it, then thought about it again and decided nah.
#24 Do you believe in love at first sight?
Idk. Yes and no. My first girlfriend i met her and immediately after talking, i didn’t really want her to talk anyone else. she was incredibly interesting and terrifying to me. me sticking through all my shit and continuing to talk with her started my first and best relationship that i’ve had with anyone ever.
#28 During sexual interaction what is the most important thing to you?
the other person i am with. I very much enjoy leave a satisfied partner. I want to always leave my partner satisfied, because i don’t really have casual sex unless it’s with someone i care about and feel comfortable sharing my body with.at that point all i want to do is make sure they feel good, because knowing they feel good through because of what i am doing makes me want to please them more, and in turn be pleased more myself.
#33 What are you most snobby/pretentious about?
Okay i know this one. Sometimes my mind tends to put things together very quickly as compared to someone else. answers to a test or a random question or something like. Sometimes it takes me a while, but usually i can figure out answers extremely quickly and sometimes i get snobby because i forget that other people don’t go through the same mental processes that i do. Sometimes i’m wrong and i can own up to it, but other times i feel like everyone should have already been able to understand what the answer was and that it wasn’t even hard.
Truth or truth?
1. Are you good at apologizing? 2. Do you prefer your looks or personality? 3. Are you confident? 4. What are you most confident about yourself? 5. Name a few songs that reminds you of someone, and who it remind you of. 6. What is your favourite colour combination? 7. Define your “aesthetic”. 8. What is sex to you? 9. Do you have any kinks? What are they? 10. What are some of your biggest pet peeves? 11. What’s something that automatically turns you off of other people? 12. What song always makes you sad/emotional? 13. How many people have you dated? How many of them do you still have feelings for? 14. How are you with moving on? 15. What’s a philosophy you agree with, but fail to live by? 16. What’s something you don’t like about yourself? 17. What’s something positive happening in your life right now? 18. Are you truly able to admit your faults in relationships to yourself? 19. Is it important to you to be a good person? 20. Are you a good person? 21. How could you become a better person? 22. Would/have you ever pierced your genitalia? 23. Have you ever been in love? If so, with how many people? 24. Do you believe in love at first sight? 25. Which social science interests you more; psychology (how the mind effects a person), sociology (how society affects a people) or anthropology (learning about culture)? Why? 26. Have you ever orgasmed? 27. Have you ever made someone else orgasm? 28. During sexual interaction, what is the most important thing to you? 29. Are you comfortable being sexual with lots of people? 30. How do you usually get people to be interested in terms of romantic relationships? And sexual relationships? And platonic relationships? 31. What’s your favourite song to sing a long to? 32. What’s some “embarrassing” music you listen to? 33. What are you most snobby/pretentious about? 34. How do you express sad emotions? And happy emotions? 35. Do you use Skype? Facetime? 36. How do you feel about phone calls? 37. How do you feel about texting? 38. What are your thoughts on LDRs? 39. Have you ever cried over a piece of visual art? What was it of? Why do you think it made you cry? 40. When and why was the last time you cried? 41. What’s something you love that you never do anymore? Why don’t you do it? 42. Are you afraid to die? 43. If there were no limits; who and what would you be? 44. Are you more likely to be sub or dom during sex? 45. Describe your fashion sense. 46. Do you have stage fright? 47. Did/do you ever put your hand up in class? 48. Are you more of an open or closed person? 49. What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you? And the best? 50. Are you a theist? (Not necessarily in the way of “guy in the sky”, maybe just believing in any higher power) 51. What are your top three places you’d like to travel and why? 52. What’s something you thought would be really scary/bad, but was actually fine when it happened/you did it? 53. When you sleep at friends houses, how often do you sleep in their bed? 54. Can you sleep facing someone? 55. Do you ever get in slumps? If so; how often, and how long do they usually last for? 56. Do you like being alone? 57. Are you social? 58. How do you feel about parties? 59. Have you ever hosted a party? How did it go? 60. What question(s) do you love to ask people? 61. What question(s) do you love being asked? 62. Are you confrontational? Does it make you uncomfortable when others are?
Send me in two numbers, 1-62, and I’ll answer one!!
The return and smear
Shortly after my time in the depths I had made the formal decision. (for like maybe the fourth time) to go back to the order of knights i had joined as Methorim’s squire. he and I had a falling out way back since my incident with the Boneyard, and i had not sought to repair things with my 9 year mentor.
This time however i was more committed to actually going back. I mentally prepared myself for all the things that were probably going to happen. All the looks and stares and gawking and shaming that was bound to be amongst the prideful beings there. I still resolved myself to show up anyway.
I focused and felt the new darkness i had acquired from the depths still distinct amongst all of the other darkness i’d gathered before. It kept reforming itself as a whole rather than just remain assimilated through my darkness and always as an external object separate from my body and armor. I chuckled and made a passing comment to it’s similarity to something i had read about before and immediately it took the shape and felt almost ‘right’ being that way. That caught my attention quickly, but Almost right isn’t right. So i had to begin changing how i would adapt it to myself. But i would save that for another time.
I steeled myself and brought myself back to the Order’s castle. it didn’t take long before i was before it’s gates. For a place that i had only visited once and stayed for only about a month it certainly felt nostalgic and with that nostalgia came a bite of guilt. I had barely gotten into their ranks before I fucked up in one of the biggest ways possible.
I took a deep breath and walked inside. some people recognized me others couldn’t have cared less. I walked around for a bit, before finding the place i was looking to go. I stood in front of the door of the General Knights conference hall with some trepidation.
“Come in. we’ve been expecting you.” someone called from inside.
‘Fuck’ was the first word that came to mind, but “I am entering now.” is what I said.
I placed my hand against the door and pushed it open almost as easily I do a normal door. i make nothing of it as I step into the room where all the general knights sit. All except Methorim. his seat is empty. I remember all the people there except one. The one person that took over the spot of the recently deceased General Knight that i had only briefly seen through the guise of a doppelganger.
He glares at me with disgust clear on his face. I look around the room trying to guess their judgement of me. Unfortunately for me most are passive faced so i can’t tell what they think of me.
I bow to them and raise my head. “I have returned.” it’s all i can think to say. I am not sure what to say or do. Juraksool nods at me and tells me to move into the center of the room. I do and feel a shiver up my spine. Being in the middle of all of them feels like i might just end up trapped and awaiting a death sentence.
“Why is he still allowed in here?” the newest general asked with as much venom as he could muster. there was a pause for a moment before one of the general knights simply said. “Because he can still open the door.”
I smiled ever so slightly at the response, but kept my eyes only on Juraksool. He held a small smile on his face as well. “You have been busy child. You’ve changed a great deal since last we met.”
I nod. “I’ve learned many new things. Been to many new places.”
“And brought shame upon our order doing so, you brat.” the new general said accusingly.
I suppressed my emotions so i didn’t speak out of turn, but Juraksool lifted his hand. “He knows what he has done, but his actions do not speak for all of ours. He has tarnished his own self and not the name of our Order. Or do you presume to know how it is exactly that he has come to lose his name?”
I shivered at the statement. I knew they knew about the fact that i lost my name, but I was never sure if they knew how or why. I wasn’t sure if i wanted to tell them why exactly.
The general knight stared me down a moment and huffed in contempt. “No Lord Knight. I am not aware of how he has come to lose his name, but i see no reason to allow him to stay as a member of the order. Having a nameless amongst our ranks is disgraceful enough.”
Juraksool finally took his eyes off of me and gave a the general a glare. “Stop with your incessant whining about disgraceful actions. in this very room I made the fatal error of being caught unaware by the enemy, but this boy saved my life with his power. In that respect it was disgraceful of me to rely on the help of a squire, but he has never once tried to take advantage of that fact. It slipped quietly in the history, but you wouldn’t know that. You weren’t allowed into this room yet. If you cannot be quiet and allow him to give his reasons for what has happened, I will find a task for you to accomplish and the meeting will continue without you.”
The general knight held his tongue, but it was evident that he felt like he’d just gotten slapped in the face. His glare at me was filled with fire and poison, but he also seemed a bit ashamed himself.
Juraksool turned his attention back to me and looked me over. “Do you wish to remain in our ranks?”
My jaw kinda just fell open. I blanked out because i was expecting a straight up rejection, and not a question of whether i wanted to stay or not. After a few moments of silence passed by I thought about it. I nodded. “Yes. I would like to stay in the order.”
He nodded. “Good. Now, I must ask. Why you have come here on your own and not with Methorim?”
I took a deep breath and sighed a little. “We...had a disagreement as I was paying for the mistake that culminated in me losing my name. I have not spoken with him since.”
Juraksool nodded in quiet understanding. The new General gave a smug smirk as he looked down at me and I felt the need to pop his bubble. “I have chosen not to forgive him for what happened between us and so i have not sought his guidance since.”
The General knights looked between each other in mild speculative interest, but Juraksool nodded once more. “Understandable. Times such as that test the nature of people and bonds are tested from both sides. Now there is an important thing that we must know. Are you still the squire of General Knight Methorim?”
I felt myself tense up slightly out of fear and slightly out of anger. The answer to that was vague. He’d threatened me with removing my apprenticeship, but never formalized it. I hadn’t sought him out to fix things, so i wasn’t really learning anything from him. “I am unsure of what we are to one another right now sir.”
Juraksool looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “If he is not mentoring you at the moment than you shall be given the temporary title of knight. Your previous display of skill has earned you at least that. Majority here have agreed to that much.”
I was surprised to say the least, but I smiled happily. That lasted about a total of 2 seconds because the new general knight began his protestations immediately. “I don’t see how this child could be a knight. From what I was told he merely has an overabundance of strength and his uncontrolled power is what let his steal the victory from his opponent. Not to mention his opponent losing himself to his emotions and preoccupying the beast long enough to allow him to accomplish the task. I say we give him a more easily measurable task.”
I would’ve thought that he would’ve been shut down, but a majority of the Generals actually agreed with him. I was okay with it until he named the task. “If he can manage a single strike on me. I’ll accept not only his strength, but the skill of a knight as well.”
I groaned inwardly as he jumped down and called his weapon to him. it was some kind of short curved stick with a blade on the end. Way to short to be a spear, and the blade was curved almost like a miniature war scythe. i pulled out my spear and readied myself.
The new general focused down on me and i could feel his power trying to smother me. It was heavy, but I fought it off with my own power and kept my stance firm. The signal was given to start and i jumped in first. i had hoped that the suddenness of my attack would throw him off, but he blocked the attack easily and we began an exchange of blows. He was noticeably keeping himself from using his full power, but he wasn’t holding back too much of it. I’d say he was using 65-70% of his full strength, but it was enough to keep me from doing much as i was. So i decided to switch it up on him.
My four other eyes opened and with it came another surge of strength. I struck while he flinched at the sudden change and knocked away his weapon enough to create an opening. I went in for another strike, but he swiftly dodged and fixed his form. I growled in frustration and charged him again. I continued striking at him a few more times before changing my form to the silver predator i had dreamed of in the coliseum. My moves were a lot more nimble and sharp and it threw him off his balance. I shifted forms again into one of the Dancers. That form drew interested looked from everyone in the room, but when i began to move into a war dance i heard their grunts of pain and discomfort. The war dance twisted most of their visions and threw the new general off and made him misstep. I took the advantage immediately and grasped his forward leg with my tail and jerked it to the right as i grabbed his head and pushed it to the left and used the momentum to kick his spinning torso. He flew to the far wall as i landed.
I had accomplished the task, but I immediately felt that he wasn’t playing around anymore. his body hit the wall and the second his feet touched the ground he was rocketing towards me. I reverted to my normal form and pulled up the strongest barrier i could and raised my weapon to block and i was glad i did. He broke through the barrier and my weapon groaned under the force of the strike, but i successfully blocked it. I doubt i could’ve blocked much more, but i didn’t have to. The other generals were next to me after that last strike and they gave him the silent warning to stop.
He gritted his teeth and let his weapon fall away into his shadow. “While i don’t know how you...changed like you did, it was an effective means of combat. It showed your...skill to be that of a knight’s.”
i bowed my head to him a little fearfully, but he just turned away and returned to his seat in the half-circle of general knights. The others did the same and then i felt a summons.
“Good.” said Juraksool, “Now that that has been settled there is much to discuss.”
The pull got stronger, but i didn’t let myself be pulled away. “I apologize Lord Knight, but I don’t think i’ll be able to answer your questions for much longer. I have somewhere i must be.”
a different general began to ask me if i had grown arrogant in my thinking because of my new title, but then a portal opened behind me and i felt the presence of the Bloody Maidens right behind me. “I cannot leave right now.”
They did not say anything, but i felt a hand reach out from the portal and smear blood under my right eye in a single horizontal line. “Do not keep us waiting. That mark will only come off if we wish it.”
the hand and presence disappeared and i was left with several stunned and confused General knights. I smiled a little as i looked at Juraksool. “I’ve been to a lot of new places.”
I don’t have any reason or goal in particular, but i suddenly have this urge for voracious growth. To once again change who i am into who i want to be. To polish skills i’ve already earned and gain new skills through effort. I want to develop further and push my boundaries and if they cannot be pushed any further seek new areas to push myself in. Both in my waking and spiritual life.
The depths
I was sitting by myself thinking about a what i had done with Seralialious (gonna just shorten it to Seral for sake of time). I had formally become the lord of the hive. I had brought in all of my other familiars into the hive and they now all shared parts of themselves with me and i with them. However, as i sat and thought about it, there was still something bothering me. I had found a way to bind us all together, but they had made that choice as well. Yet there were still parts of me that still felt separated though i had felt that we were all one in the same. I knew all of my embodied emotions were now stable and able to be called upon at will, but they still felt more like individuals and less like parts of a bigger whole.
“You’ve grown a lot, but you’ve used the power of others to open the paths before. Many times your power alone has been inadequate. Your embodied emotions have joined with you, but not completely so. You’ve made barriers inside yourself that need to be removed first.”
The voice was familiar and therefore I didn’t get startled, but I also didn’t like what it had to say. especially with the feelings of helplessness that I had been experiencing in the my waking life, but I was determined to change that much about myself.
The voice felt my determination. “We must return to the depths.
i grumbled slightly at the though of returning back to that place with the last interaction i had with the Black Princess, but I had known i would end up going back there at one time or another. I just needed to let some things go. I was preparing to send myself into the depths when I was told to remove the barriers that were impeding my growth.
The barriers were not bad for me. In fact they weren’t barriers in and of themselves, but because i had poorly dealt with them they gave me only a portion of the strength that i could’ve gotten from them and they weren’t fully assimilated into my being. I sealed the barriers into a stone and sealed those into a container to be sure of their protection from thievery and escape.
“You must go alone.” my spear reinforced. For a moment i was confused, but then i realized what they meant. It pained me slightly, but I told all my familiars to stand guard over my domain and my people for me while i was away. they weren’t exactly happy with it, but they did as they were told.
Once all of that was prepared and set up i sank into the depths. I felt myself slowly sinking until i felt a familiar set of beings. The giant Pawns had been there. They had recognized my coming and stood in accordance. They greeted me with a sense of acknowledgement, and i them. When i ‘landed’ i felt my weapon speak to me again. “We need not go deeper. First you must grow here. Walk.”
i instinctively knew to walk opposite from the Pawns and began to do so.
“There are dangers that way.” one Pawn said.
I nodded. “I figured that. I still need to go that way. Thank you for your concern.”
The pawn nodded in approval and said nothing more. They stood as i left and continued walking. As i moved away from them I felt a distinct difference in the darkness. it left some of the civility and regal feeling of the Black Princess’s domain. It seemed more wild and natural.
“This is good. settle here.”
i took a seat and felt the darkness around me. It felt like i was sitting in the middle of a field and by the edge of some lake. “Mingle with the darkness here.”
I nodded and expanded my power. It felt restrained, not forcefully, but by the simple density of everything else around me. the darkness was thicker and heavier. i took a deep breath and slowly began intertwining my energy with the darkness around me. It was slow to respond, but it woke and followed my energy. “Meld it with your own darkness.”
I knew right off the bat that it wasn’t going to be easy. I tried meshing it together and kneading it together, but as i did i realized that it was too difficult and the resulting combination wasn’t good enough to really be useful. the disparity between the two types of darkness made it sluggish and hard to maintain.
The objective was to meld it with my own darkness though so i tried something else. Before i tried combining it with my darkness i would learn how to better wield that type of darkness.
I began to grab a small amount and pull it apart and mix it back together and strain it through my own and if it was too thick then i would continue to strain it down. As i got better at it i began taking more of the darkness and straining it through in higher quantities.
Eventually i had a ring of shards of darkness constantly being strained between each other in pairs and as a whole and was in good control over it as a whole. I noticed that everything felt easier to do now, and the pressure that was there when i had started was gone.
I knew it was just that i had trained enough to resist the strain on my body, but it was still a good feeling. I collected my darkness and brought it within my body, but the darkness i had mixed into it stayed outside of my body. It was still under my control, and had been perfectly melded with my own energies, but it did not want to become internalized. I tried to meld it with my armor, but it resisted that as well.
Wasn’t the first time Darkness had been a bit tempermental with me, but it didn’t want to be internal or armor. I scoffed at the stubbornness and thought of something i had seen in a manga and almost instantly the darkness adhered to that form.
“You must bind it to you. Create an anchor.” my spear told me.
I nodded in agreement as i continued thinking of how i was going to use the new darkness. It took me a few days to think of a proper form for the anchor and how to wield the new darkness and in what form, but i eventually completed the anchor and bound the new darkness to my body.
Soon after i had completed that i returned from the depths and realized what the true purpose of the exercise was and put it to use completely assimilating the ‘barriers’ i had removed me at the start. Once i did, i understood what that feeling of separation within myself really was, and since then i have never felt it again.
Tonight sucked.
I don’t even know what to feel right now. i should feel something, but it’s all very faded out. Like trying to look at a picture with clouded eyes.
I wanted to buy a ring. Wanted to go pick one out to give to her. I was saving up for it, but now...we’re not together. I should feel more hurt by this, but it’s so numb. it wasn’t at all shocking. I just had hope and knew that it was gonna fail. I couldn’t prevent it. It’s not even my fault...it just...sucks.