Cheating: Even monogamy has loopholes.
Are animals monogamous for life? Not too many. The standout exception is lovebirds (I had two, a female named Winnie & a male called Choochie). Lovebirds really do form extremely tight pair bonds. Their Spanish name "inseparables" is accurate because they preen each other, feed each other, & panic when separated. If one dies, the other may stop eating or declineâbecause their entire social world is built around their partner. Longevity is often a reason for monogamy. Love birds live 10-15 years & rely heavily on cooperation. In the wild, they can easily find their partner every day as they stay in stable territories. Many other parrots are long-term monogamists living decades (macaws easily reach 50+ years); they defend their territories together & raise slow-developing chicks that need 2 parents.
Cockatoos, African greys & conures are also long-term monogamists. Swans pair for life mostly because raising cygnets is a huge job. Two parents dramatically increase chick survival, but they can "divorce" if breeding fails repeatedly. Bald eagles & golden eagles often stay with the same partner for years, but if one dies, the survivor quickly finds a new mate, because territory is more important than romance. They build massive nests (up to 1 ton/900 kg) that take years to maintain. A stable partner makes that easier. Albatrosses live 50+ years, fly thousands of miles, & return to the same tiny island spot each year. Finding a new mate is hard, so keeping the same one is efficient. They also perform long, complex dances that take years to perfect with one partner. Restarting after you've discovered your "sole" connection is depressing.
Most cranes pair for life except when one dies. Cardinals are monogamous for a season or two, but they don't have a "till death" pattern. Furthermore, they "cheat." Birds that don't live long, like chickadees, which live just 2-3 years, don't have monogamous relationships. Their strategy is "live fast, breed fast & maximize genetic diversity by mating with as many partners as possible."
Fish are not monogamous because they scatter & leave; they don't raise babies or defend territory together, but a handful of fish are monogamous. Seahorses are famous for forming pair bonds. Many species stay with one partner for an entire breeding season, & some stay together for years. The pair perform daily "greeting dances" to stay synchronized. Unusually, the male gets pregnant, so cooperation is important. The other monogamous fish include freshwater angelfish that form strong bonds & defend territory together; they both guard eggs & fry together. Other exceptions include butterflyfish forming long-term pairs on coral reefs, some gobies, & some pipefish, which are close relatives of seahorses.
Non-avian species such as wolves & coyotes are true mammalian monogamists. They form stable breeding pairs because pups need months of care, packs rely on cooperation, & territory defense is easier with a partner. Beavers mate for life because they build huge lodges & dams & raising kits requires teamwork. Stable territories last decades. Gibbons are one of the few primates that form long-term pair bonds. They defend territories as a couple & raise slow-developing young. But yes, they "cheat" too. Red foxes pair for just one season. Some other reasons for monogamy, aside from longevity, are predators. If predators are common, animals breed quickly, switch mates often & avoid long-term commitment. If predators are rare (wolves & coyotes), then long-term partnerships become more useful.
Migration becomes a long-distance relationship problem. If a species migrates thousands of miles, finding the same mate is hard. This encourages seasonal monogamy instead of lifelong monogamy. This is especially true for dowitchers (shorebirds)âthey switch partners every year. They migrate long distances, nesting sites change annually, breeding is fast & intense, & territory matters more than fidelity. Animals don't wait forever. If the partner doesn't show up at the start of the breeding season, the survivor picks a new mate, & if the old partner shows up late, the new pair usually stays together. Bears, lions, tigers, leopards, jaguars & cheetahs are all non-monogamous. They mate briefly & separate.
Humans are one of the least strictly monogamous mammals, with a flexible system that mixes pair-bonding, serial monogamy, cheating & sometimes polygamy. What is unusual is that we form long-term social partnerships even when sexual exclusivity isn't perfect. We're pair-bonding primates, not strictly monogamous ones. Two adults form a household, raise children, & share resources. Sexual monogamyâtwo adults only have sex with each otherâhumans excel at the first, & we struggle with the second. We often pair up, stay together for years, break up, & find a new partner. This is serial monogamy. This is extremely common in humans & rarer in other mammals.
Cheating is common in humans because sexual desire doesn't shut off after pairing, attraction to novelty is natural, opportunity exists, emotional needs vary, & biology encourages genetic diversity. Cheating doesn't mean humans aren't monogamous. It means humans are imperfectly monogamous, which is normal. I guess that means I'm the exception. I've been with my wife for 51 years, & we've never cheated.
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