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Things have been pretty busy on my end lately; I have four movies upcoming โincluding Jackass: Best and Last, which is either a very confident title or a very concerning one depending on how you look at it. I'm still surprised every time somebody offers me a job. The podcast's in full swing now, and somehow people keep letting me sit in front of a microphone and tell stories from a lifetime of questionable decisions. What's new in your world? Any exciting adventures, life updates, near-death experiences, or surprisingly strong opinions about something random? I'm not picky. | @hfrpstarters
Concerning as in....it may not actually be the last ? or it's kind of like a light threat to the audience. Turn it into those long fast and furious movie titles and just keep coming back. I say, never question it. I've found that there'll always be an audience to even our most stupidest stories, dude. Is the podcast just a casual conversation, or it there a specific topic besides running rampid down memory lane....and how do i get on your guest list. I'm in the middle of shooting two shows back to back and it goes from horror to cunty lawyerโs within a few hours of itself - and i'm surprised i even remember my own name, honestly. But i'll cut the boring stuff here and give you a very strong, current opinion i have that's divided me with people lately and it's about pigeons. I can't vibe with anyone who hates pigeons, man. Don't trust them. People are being jerks.
Pedro: I know, he's such a little darling. The sweetest boy. Lenny is getting on with him too, they're quickly becoming buddies. Honestly, we saw him when we visited a few weeks ago. He was all curled up and trembling he was so scared, we didn't even know he had one eye until he looked up. When went in to see him he opened up and just wanted love. Billie didn't let up about him Pedro: I know! You know you can come by any time, and bring the puppies so I can eat dem. Honestly? Not sorry.
SARAH: i'll gonna need a possible high daily dosage of precious baby lou and lenny being the best of pals before i crash out at level of cute aggression it's giving me, bird. The poor thing ๐ญโค๏ธ i mean duh, he choose the best dad's to give him all the love he knew he'd be getting, he's smart. SARAH: mmmkay me the the 3 little amigos are coming over for a playdate VERY soon, we miss you!!!
Naomi: Sweetie, it's not dumb at all. I know this is overwhelming, especially because of that photo they published. But as I told someone else, it just as easily could have been two playful friends messing around. People will move on from this tomorrow, or the moment another rumor comes along. We'll be fine. What concerns me more is us. I don't want this situation to jeopardize our friendship or what we have. I don't want you to pull away from me because of all this noise. As for Billie, the man is amused.. the good kind of amused. By now, he must know I have something with you. Do you really think he doesn't find it at least a little curious that we have sleepovers every week... sometimes more than once? He knows. He's fine. He's busy with his own "business", too. I did try to do a bit of damage control, but yes, I've read the comments under my post. Half of them are accusing me of cheating, and the other half are begging me to get married to you immediately. There's absolutely no middle ground with people, apparently. And I didn't realize they had started dragging me into the middle of you and Jess. I know that's the part that worries you most. Anything involving Jess tends to make you lose your mind. I say that with love. I'm sorry they're making up stories. i just want to say that I'm not going anywhere and i don't want you to go either. What can I do to make this easier for you, jess and everybody?
SARAH: I'm just overthinking it, i know i am. I know you're right. You're my voice of reason, omi. You're the one in this situation who saves me from freaking the hell out, more then i have...obviously. And not that i even am, the whole thing was just agitating. I mean my god, who knew i'd be outed at the tony's twice in my life. But i'm not pulling away, i promise. That's not me pulling. Despite, all the crappiness - it's not ruining anything, especially our friendship. That means far more to me then someone's stupid idea of our business, lady. You think i'd let some stranger be the reason our sleepovers are done for? fuck no. Yeah....i guess so. They're animals. And yeah, i mean, it's more just the idea of jess being dragged in, in a sense. Be it she know's she's even dragged into the narrative or not. Or that people think cheating's involved in any sense, it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I hate that you're right. And maybe i am just overthinking all this and give me another week or so before i'm laughing about it more, and on the side of those telling me to marry you. But right now ? I don't even know what will. Maybe i just need to let it sizzle out. Maybe i just need a simple movie night with my best friend?
(text from @cate-eblanchett ) My chickens are waiting for you. They adore your presence, and they're surprisingly good at calming your nerves, too. Are you still filming two shows at the same time? I don't think it's dumb at all. I actually think you're getting into something much deeper here. I already googled it and came across a few articles and comments about it. I'm not entirely sure what to tell you, lady. Things get tricky when people start making up stories around it, creating theories and all that shit, saying you cheated. I know you don't want to get Jessica involved and how sacred that relationship was to you, so I understand where all of this is coming from. I'd feel exactly the same if people were talking about Andrew. I knew things would get complicated, but not like this. Is she in love with her husband? How does it even work? I think the two of you need to sit down properly and talk again about the conditions and boundaries of this whole "friends with benefits" arrangement. Do you still want to keep doing this, or not anymore? You really need to think about it, because from now on, every time people see the two of you together, the rumors will come back to life. Rosie and Tanya! Now all we need is Donna. Cancรบn... Oh, how I wish I could erase Cancรบn from my biography now. It was darker than I ever imagined. I didn't enjoy it. It was tense, sad... We tried to talk on the last night. I don't know whether it was for better or worse. She didn't say much, while I, as usual, said far too much and was ridiculously sentimental. She said something along the lines of not wanting us to become people who hated each other until we completely disappeared from one another's lives. But I don't know... I honestly have no idea whether she wanted me close or not. I'm stuck in this limbo, trying to forget everything about her because I have no clue if she wanted me around and if so how to approach her again. So I'm letting her live in peace, without my chaotic, emotional mess disrupting her life. I do have a question, though: do you ever wish Naomi wasn't married? I'm about to call some producers. You need your own reality show, and I'm fully invested.
( TEXT ) I'll lay down and you just pile those chickens on me, lady. I sure am. All fairs and horror story back to back, which, not as mentally exhausting as it was at the beginning but that might begin to change. Stay tuned. TMZ just kept rolling them out, like come on, dude, fuck off already ๐ซฃ๐ฌ And it's even more then that, lady. I don't even want jess's name dragged into this at all. Period. And now she has, and now suddenly the thing that was helping me get over her, is now intertwined. And i know, i know it ISNT technically but it just give me such a sickly feeling to have a story out there being formed about where my loyalties for jess stood, for what we had when we had it, Despite how it ended, that part of my life was so sacred and important. So, i know you get it. I do, it's just become trickier. And no, she's not. I mean, not i'm sure she loves him, obviously but she's not in love with him, or so she's told me. And despite all the "friends with benefits" stuff, i know naomi, i know she wouldnโt lie about that. It just their public image. I don't know. I didnโt entirely think it would get like this. Or maybe i'm a dumbass who should've thought a head, but i didnโt. Pretty much billy hadnโt even known it was me Naomi was sleeping with, which, all fine...apparently that's just a part of their "deal" not to disclose their business outside their bedroom. ( TEXT ) And it's not even like we hadnโt spoken about boundaries, it's not like she hadnโt told me about hers or about how it works for her, i knew it all. And i know I KNOW. But even without all this, her and i..are close, even without the sex. So regardless, i just don't wanna divide that part. She suchs an important part in my life, and i really do mean that. She's been there since i couldnโt hardly think, hardly wanna get out of bed. She was there since it all crumbled, and between every single laugh i've had since. Lady, i just don't wanna lose her in that sense and i'm acting if i will. I know i won't, i know i'm just being fucking dramatic. But i also don't know how to go about the fact that her doing damage control with her husband over their anniversary instagram post rubbed me the wrong way ๐ It's dumb, cause i know it is what it is, but jesus fucking christ. You think annie would agree to be our donna ? Oh cate....i'm so sorry. I guess sometimes words unsaid are less painful then words that are. We're hearing a truth, that...we might not want to. Or maybe a truth that, we donโt even know how to deal with. In this case, she obviously doesnโt wanna disappear from your life cate, a person doesnโt just say that without meaning in.....especially after everything you told already. It's not an easy situation either of you in, i won't even lie. But, think about it, are you keeping a distance out of love or out of fear. Cause new's flash lady, something tells me she got home and had the same dilemma. and I mean, let's say not romantically, but, do you think maybe you could ever see yourself just....slowly getting back into one another's lives ? geez, hit me with the hard fucking questions why don't you. I mean, maybe? I don't know. Does it even matter? I mean sure, would this situation be easier without the added extra person, sure. less crowded. But, that doesnโt mean this whole thing still wouldn't have happened. Honestly, if you can make it happen. I'll do it. BUT only if you'll occasionally be part of it, deal, bozo? we'll finally have a vegas adventure on tape.
Naomi: Honey. Hey. Take it easy, sweetie. I never thought you were avoiding me at all. I know how these rumors can be, mortifying and stupid. In this case the rumors are true but we don't have to say that. Things are fine with me and Billie. He didn't make questions, he actually found it amusing?? my guess: he is a little used by it, he had been trained for this by Mrs Kidman. It was my anniversary, and nothing changed, we celebrated, I got my diamonds, and things are just fine as usual... but tell me and be honest. Are you okay? are the rumors taking a toll on you? are you okay?
SARAH: i'm just overthinking, it's dumb ๐ real real stupid. like come on, TMZ plastering a photo of us like that at the tonys, of all places, gayest event of the year, two casual close friends having a smooch in the corner, average day in new york. That part, believable. But now, there's still people in our business, and i don't know, it's not like i havenโt dealt with annoying rumours before, or peoples wrong opinions, it's just stupid. Anyway, yeah? You really prepared him well with kidman, this didnโt phase him? and excuse me, good "amused" or "bad" amused, elaborate, watts. i mean...yeah that's true, but like i said, it was still damage control, and you're far better than me at it. Is it still an answer if i say i'm not entirely sure? again, maybe overthinking here and please do whack it out of me...but i started reading the comments (see, bad. bad ) and there was more then one that involved me cheating on jess, how it was the reason we called off the wedding was due to us secretly being involved for far longer. And all wrong, obviously. But it's just something i never even THOUGHT would become a thing people would whisper about.
Listen, if you had launched yourself into the ocean, I wouldโve had no choice but to follow you in. Thatโs friendshipโฆ or maybe just poor judgment. Honestly, with us? Itโs probably both. PRIVATE: Oh godโฆ where do I even begin? This is one of those stories where every decision somehow made the next decision worse, so bear with me. I started seeing Sadie casually a while agoโฆ nothing serious, just something easy and fun. We never made anything official, but I think somewhere along the way she started seeing it as something more than I did. I care about her a lot, and because I care about her, I avoided having some conversations I probably should've had. Then we got into a fight during the trip, I spiraled a little and ended up hooking up with someone I recently connected with. Which was already messy enoughโฆ but the really complicated part? I think I have actual feelings for them. Sarah, what am I doing?! I need an intervention.
There's always next time, lady. We'll get inflatableโs ! PRIVATE: Oh chase. I was gonna classify this as being young, which is absolutely is. But having feelings in general, is a messy playing field. And i won't lie, i knew the second i read her leaning more in then you, and nobody saying a thing. That's instantly recipe for....not a great time, i've been there. You're so afraid of saying anything, that you somehow dig and even bigger hole and now i can see your brain turning in circles from here. So, what i'll tell you, are probably what you've already told yourself, but need someone else to give you the push here. You need to talk to Sadie, apologise. I mean, does she know about this other person ? cause if not, oh lady, you're gonna have to tell her. It's not easy for anyone involved. Even this new person, and don't beat yourself up too hard for having deeper feelings for someone you thought was just gonna be a hook up, it happens, you're human! and if it all seems to much right now? You come to me, we hang out and i shake you a little. But only a little, cause you're too sweet, i can't shake that out of you.
Pedro: Isn't he too much? I want to cry every time I look at him! this is all Billie's fault ๐ I was coerced Pedro: His name is Lou, he's just the sweetest boy. You're going to have to come and meet him, you'll actually pass away
SARAH: the urge to SQUEEZE the little guy is too much, tears are already in my EYES!!!! ๐ฅบ well fuck, i thought this was your doing, the tables have turned and i'm shocked, but boy am i so happy he did. SARAH: stop it! STOP IT. lou's got his name twin with my baby lou, he's gonna have to meet his cousins too. And ahem say the word, i'm ready to show up,fall on your floor and let him kill me with the level of cute, that is far too much. I'm gonna be leaving your place straight to a shelter again, that'll be on you.
EIZA: So, you don't mind to have a daily chat with me? full of memes, TikToks and pop culture refrences? I have to call my mom to tell her this. i am having a chat with Sarah Paulson! I made it in life! EIZA: Hand in marriage? i was waiting for that answer! thank god! i am a good wife! you can ask Rosamund. I am the best she will ever had so welcome to my world Eiza as a trophy wife. or you are the trophy wife? maybe both! i love it. I looveee that you were enjoying margaritas that much! we could do something similar soon. I know the best tacos in LA. How is life post-Cancรบn? Are things better or are you missing it?
SARAH: You lady, are gonna keep me young. I've only just been introduced to the world of clocking it, and have been clocking it lately, to the point where i feel like i'm gonna get a disgusted look by someone your age and they'll tell me that was so last month. mmmm you better tell your mom hi, that i love her and her beautiful daughter BIG TIME โค๏ธ SARAH: seemed like most reasonable choice here, less questions. And hello? i may stupid occasionally, but i'm no fool, i've seen you and miss Rosamund, i've taken many notes. You two are ๐ฅ btw, and i need more. You're the polished trophy, i'm the one that has a chip missing from it, so both. Oh lady, i couldn't get enough, it became a problem. I need you, and those exact margaritas asap, and i will happily follow. Safe to say, i got more sleep in cancun and my feet hurt less, but between shotting and a couple events here and there, i've been on my couch, catching up on all sense of BRAVO'S reality tv and not leaving my house until necessary. What about you?
(Text from @cate-eblanchett ) you can come to the farm and spend some lazy days whenever you want. I wouldnโt trade the bar for anything. Paulson?! TMZ? The story is out? The whole world knows now ? Elaborate and tell me if this is something good or bad for you and Naomi? How the hell happened? And of course I am planning the whole Mamma Mia moment. I want to be the slutty one. Tanya? You donโt have to be worried about anything, I promise. I am fine. Cancun was shit but now that I am back into my little world. Things feel a little better. You better tell me how are you feeling? Are you denying the rumors? Or what is the next step? I love how exciting your sex/romantic life. I am living vicariously through you.
( TEXT ) Please, dear god, lady... i need to be one with your chickens again. Lay with them for hours. Let them guide me in a meditation. It's so dumb, i know ๐ฌ not technically? it's not like either of us went on record and said "yup, totally fucking" people are gonna make their own assumptions now and thats' whatever, it's fine. And it's neither bad or good but there's a part of me not enjoying the idea that people are gonna think i cheated on Jess, or that was the reason we split. I know, i know. Why bring her up? It's been months. Why does it matter? It just rubs me the wrong way, is all. And then there's naomi, doing proper damage control posting about her anniversary. And i don't know, the whole thing just feels weird. And before you tell me, i told you so, about it all. I've already heard you in my mind, bozo. No need. Well duh, i'm a total rosie. You say that, and here i am, still worried. Not until you tell me first. You never fully got into what actually happened back in cancun ๐ i just remember the night you left me and Naomi and the next day you were far too quiet, lady. I don't like that. And i mean, yeah? I don't need people to know we've been friends with benefits, what good will that do? I'm sure she'll deny it before me, she's the married one here. I'm glad you're enjoying this, just sign me up for the real housewives at this rate i'd bring the rating up.
SARAH: I promise i'm not avoiding you, omi . Not even TMZ could have me doing that, those asshats could never, and it's so stupid cause it's just "rumours" here say, and badly lit photo's of us, and i know you're the master at cleaning things up. I saw your post with billy yesterday, i had no idea it was your anniversary, or why would i? has he...said anything? i know you told me before he never asks questions, but fuck me it'd be hard not to when it's plastered on a public platform, i'd ask questions too.
โฝ ย โ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐. โโ@TINASNOW.
โฐโโค after the show, it's the after-party with @srahpaulsons
โบ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
@/mssarahcatharinepaulson left a comment: Iโve never felt cooler in my life. LOVE you โค๏ธ
naomiwatts: Tony's Night. Just as @/mssarahcatharinepaulson's seat filler. Thanks for trusting me with this very serious responsibility. ๐ ๐ญ @srahpaulsons
@/mssarahcatharinepaulson left a comment: Hottest seat filler at the Tonyโs, thank you, lady watts. You turned heads ๐ฅ
(text from @cate-eblanchett ) I know you're jealous because it's 1:30 am in London and I am in my non-sexy pajamas. A cup of tea in hand a ciggarrette and my "reelstoks" with cute animals instead wearing high heels and a nice dress with unlimited access to the bar. Nah, actually. I am the jealous one. Have fun for me too, okay? I don't know when I will be flying to the States but hopefully soon just to see your pretty face and steal some of your heels. Cancรบn was nice but not THAT nice so I am planning a trip to Greece this summer. Come with me? I am recruiting some female and very hot friends. So think about it and let's go to Greece for a week or so.
( TEXT ) There was many a times last night before i could whip those heels off at the after party where i was terribly jealous of your level of comfort, farm lady. I'm afraid too much fun was had ๐ i'm in a bit of a situation. Nothing terrible, just now suddenly there's eye's upon me and naomi after TMZ stupidly aired our business. Steal away, you can run rampant in my closet, cate. I mean DUH, you don't have to ask me twice here....i'll happily one of those "hot friends" and i best number one on that list. We can have a mama mia moment, roll around in the sand. Forget about stupid things. That's pointed at you, by the way. You need to clear that mind of yours, i was pretty worried about you in cancun, lady.
Sarah Paulson & Megan Thee Stallion at the #TonyAwards after-party @megvn
(text from @cate-eblanchett ) wait a damn minute. Reels and TikToks are the same thing, am I right? anyway, I've seen some TikReels about horses getting along with cats. Now I want a pair like that. I know this conversation is much more interesting than the tony's ๐ no, but really. I miss you and I love to see you out and about looking glorious!!
( TEXT ) I wanna be as blissfully unaware whilst watching horses befriend cats, what the fuck. Next it'll be the chickens befriending the pigs. You better document this, lady. You joke, but i'm currently in a long line for the bar between the show, and i'm staying alert. You better get your butt here soon then, i wanna be out and about looking hot alongside you, i mean even cancun wasnโt enough.
(Text from @cate-eblanchett ) Happy Tonyโs Day Goose!! Strolling through my feed (yes, now I use these words๐ ) and you look hot! ๐ฅ love you.
( TEXT ) Took you about ten million years, bozo, next you'll be sending me reels ๐ but excuse me, this is exactly the kind of message that'll be fueling me all evening, i miss your face.