Personal ED account

I don't promote eating disorders and would not want this for anyone. Personal side blog for my unhealthy mindset. SW: 230 CW:159.1 GW1: 160 GW2: 155 GW3: 150 GW4: 145 GW5:140 GW6: 135... UGW:110 Starting BMI: 32.6 Current BMI: 25.2 Goal BMI: 17.5

[sspinspiration]

Eating is becoming harder again

thank god

[sk-nnylotusflower]

you should skip breakfast today, you messed up yesterday.

ok, im sorry

check the scale.

i messed up, im sorry.

do better or you'll never get anywhere.

i will

go to school

done :)

probably skip lunch too

i can do that

go to work

i did it

don't eat too much for dinner, you'll just mess everything up again.

i won't, i promise

write that essay and do good on it

i got a B!

you got an A last time...

im sorry, i'll do better.

just remember, you're only worth it when you're perfect.

im trying

try harder.

im tired

you're just lazy.

ur right, im sorry

you know i do this for you, don't you?

yes, thank you

no breakfast today.

alright

check the scale

...

you're not hungry for lunch either, right?

no, im not.

do your homework.

all done :)

i don't think dinner is a good idea.

me either.

what did you eat today?

not much

good.

are you...proud of me yet?

are you perfect?

no, but im trying.

try harder.

[truebodyposi]

The average American woman now weighs 166lbs.

👏JUST👏BECAUSE👏IT'S👏AVERAGE👏DOESN'T👏MEAN👏IT'S👏GOOD👏OR👏HEALTHY👏

[sspinspiration]

Haha ow

Motivation

[teenytinyangel]

Love when articles like this pop up on my feed 🙃 I wish I was in the 40s...

[just-thinspo-shit]

one of my higher weights (not higher tho) vs one of my lower (not lowest).

[valtsv]

sometimes i'll see a post on the internet and think to myself oh to be eyeless and living in a cave

[nointake]

24 1/2 inch waist. 118 lbs.

Why can't I just lose this weight? I feel like my body's making progress but I'm still so heavy

[dietbubbly]

Body check from a couple of days ago? Anybody else only eat carbs but just make sure they keep their calories at like 1000?

[deathx-lilith]

i am back. Sadder then ever.

[sspinspiration]

Me: “ I feel like I did in highschool... when I was like two hundred pounds. My face is getting chubby.”

Him: “It’s okay. Don’t worry, you haven’t gotten that bad yet.”

“You look like you’ve lost weight these past four days.”

“Your tummy is looking flatter now.”

“If you want to lose weight, I’ll support you.”

“You’re butt has been looking extra round and nice.”

So on so forth fucking kill me. I’m glad I fasted today. I’m so fucking disgusting holy shit, even he admits that I’m a lardy piece of shit that needs to lose weight. I look in the mirror and see the face of the fat bitch from before, round and prone to a double chin when I’m talking. God. How did I let myself go? I was 143 last year and now I’m 162. This is ridiculous. I’m not going let all of my goddamn misery and hard work go to waste.

I’m going to get to the point where he begs me not to lose anymore. Just wait.

[theonethatcant]

“Disordered Eating” Things

- Simultaneously eating like a normal person and mentally lashing yourself for it.

- Not eating when you feel angry or sad, but then a few hours later you eat a bag of chocolate marshmallows because you somehow convince yourself it doesn’t count.

- “I shouldn’t have done that”

- Looking at thinspo at night and crying because you feel ugly

- The 5th grader pitch screaming in your head as you take another bite of food.

- a week of super healthy eating and working out followed by two weeks of unhealthy eating 

- constantly shifting of wanting to look like a toned fitness model, to a thicc slim, to a skeleton fairy 

- *eating something* *someone comments on the thing you are eating* *stops eating thing* *50/50 chance you may eat it later*

- oh yeah, random moments of eating something before spontaneously destroying the food or tossing it 

- “Okay, after this weekend, I’m fasting”

- wishing you were anorexic knowing you shouldn't 

- body dysmorphia 

- Calling it disordered eating because you don’t feel deserving of calling it an ed 

[kirbywisheswell27]

i just hit 96 lbs im gonna cry im so happy

[aw1998monsters]

“Virgin and Vamp”, Jeisa Chiminazzo for Vogue Germany August 2001 photographed by Ellen von Unwerth.

[talia-alia]

[sacied-deactivated20200207]

[mcworldowner]

[recovery-elle]

Perks of Losing Weight

Some of the things i have noticed 

- Hair doesn’t get greasy anymore, it just doesn’t 

- There is less to wash, exfoliate, self tan, etc. (Honestly really notice this one in the shower, i used to have 20+ lbs more in my legs) 

- Moving with more ease 

- Food is cheap. Hello water over cocktails and an apple over spaghetti bolognese 

- Generally feeling smaller is a bit euphoric especially wrapped in blankets or trying on old clothes 

- Skin clears up because theres less oil production 

- Barely sweating (even while exercising or on a hot day) 

- Sunglasses/glasses are more flattering against a more angular face 

and when i reach my goal weights, i just feel fucking invincible.