Garden of one

(IC vent and nsfw blog for ssunspotted. IC findable)

[ssunspoiled]

[syrenki]

i feel like something inside me has gone moldy

[magicnewand]

When they romanticising yearning but they've never been sat on their bed at four am with a wet face and their chest hurting while they wished and begged and prayed something was still there

[koolthing0]

[ssunspoiled]

What is a prophet that dies only once To This

[subjectivecarnality]

@ssunspoiled you do feel like you're buzzing ✨️ I could use you like a vibrator at this rate

what's making you so excited, beautiful?

[ssunspoiled]

✨️ Sunlight~ IIm jus t, feeling, and feeling and feeling and iits getting difficult to be quiet hahah

[ssunspoiled]

pulling teeth out usedto be a heavy gesture.for the hurt,and for the piece of the self i t was. but when a body re grows.. Ive given my own skin, the hand de gloved, Iive given the experience of to crack mmy chest open just for the inside, I II found a way to tear the head right offof the body to make the head iits own offering, but none of it .stands enough to actually prove it to show it.enough. That I WANT. THAT IT MATTERS.THAT I WANT.

If it didnt grow back I would still finda way to take the piecces apart, if it mattered ,if the gesture can last more than the impact ,more than the momentary impression ,more than the sensation Know.Just know. Know, what it weighs Know, know. Again, again,again, if repeating could only make it mean more and not less.

[ssunspoiled]

Im. buzzing~ hha

[romcommunist]

"honeymoon phase" i am literally healthily insane and obsessed for the entire duration of the relationship. skill issue

[ssunspoiled]

mh

[rain-rainynights-side]

fading is the easy thing to do. but to persist in spite of the temptation to disappear makes you stronger than you will ever allow yourself to realize

[rain-rainynights-side]

fading is the easy thing to do. but to persist in spite of the temptation to disappear makes you stronger than you will ever allow yourself to realize

[gardenxkisses]

[pridefulsuggestion]

you do not have to go back. you do not have to crawl through broken glass. you do not have to give up your pride. stand, pick up the shards. walk the other way. get better.

[derangedrhythms]

brave love, dream not of staunching such strict flame, but come, lean to my wound; burn on, burn on.

Sylvia Plath, Collected Poems; from ‘Firesong’

[ssunspotted]

I think about how you died, how you will die, how you might die. Constantly, and only partly because I can't help it. It's easier than it used to be, because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you'll always come back to me. We'll come back to each other

I've been thinking about what I'll be giving you as an engagement present 💖 And about traditions. About wardrobe, maybe colors.

Do you know how important you make me feel, that Then is still worth rremembering? That that would be worth a memorial? That the future is worth planning even when its frightening? I felt so in the way,for so long. That when I slowed down, it stopped being worth even acknowledging for people I thought it would matter to.But you.But you, you would have burnt a ttrail through time to be there,if you only could have. The time has been carved out ,and still I know ever piece of it matters. Hasnt dulled down. That is everything to me.

Ohh, dont get me started on traditions and wardrobe and colors Ill want to pick your brain until all the surprise is chewed up!! But. Coordinating colors.....

[subjectivemortality]

I would still rip through time itself to have made you feel less alone, then. You deserved to be surrounded by love, the same way you would be the love surrounding anyone else if positions were reversed. I want it to be memorialized because it was important, you are important, just like I want to celebrate everything you've become since and everything you'll be from here out 💖

Tolya, I have entire moodboards in my head ready to be put to work. Just say the word and I'll break out the scissors, gluesticks, and stacks of magazines - we may have to clear out some of my office for a brainstorm night

[ssunspoiled]

Its all the air in the world suddenly in my lungs to know that that thing, is worth loving even past tense.

Memorials have been so important my entire .existence, and I keep finding out again with evvery new part of me hhaha how much it matters to .us, it.

Still.again.will matter.again, again

You, with me in all of it makes even the memory less lonely

Mm.now that its sunny, do you think your office ? Or spread out in tthe sunroom 💛

[ssunspoiled]

A crowd is such a thing to manage