Group with their Heads in the Stars

OSDD System: Dot Alvin Cal Roxy Willow Revali Red @/mentallyillrito on twitter Ask Us Questions ! Does not Have to be system related !

[star-system22]

Welcome to the Star System's Blog:

BYF:

Carrd

Please respect our DNI

Actually read the carrd, like don't be the annoying person who doesn't

We will keep almost completely sfw, anything that we may not be sure if it is will be tagged

We have minors, be mindful of that!

Collective Prounouns are Star/Starself

*will add a Read More here when I get on my computer*

Alters:

Rose: They/It ~ Host, Protector, Gatekeeper, Trauma Holder, Non-Human (Half Cat) ~ 18 🌹

Alvin: He/They/It ~ Co-Host, Trauma Holder, Bodily Caretaker ~ MINOR 14✨️

Cal: He/They ~ Protector, Gatekeeper, Caretaker ~ Aprox. 20 🐚

Roxy: Ze/Zem/Zeir and She/Her ~ Little, Trauma Free ~ MINOR 6 🐺

Willow: She/It/They ~ Caretaker. Internal Self Helper ~ Aprox. 20 📖

Doris: They/Them ~ Protector, Verbally Mute, Non-Human, Greek Nymph, child of Nyx ~ Ageless 🌑

Rain: It/Its ~ Factive ~ 18 🌧

Revali: She/They ~ Fictive ~ MINOR 17 🏹

Red: He/Him ~ No Role ~ MINOR 15 🦊

Ro: It/They ~ Split from Cor, No Role ~ 18 ⚽️

Hook: He/Him ~ Fictive ~ 28 🏴‍☠️

Flower: It/Its ~ Persecutor ~ 18 🌺

Avery: He/Him ~ Little/Middle ~ Age Slider, MINOR 5-8 🐸

Ash: They/Them ~ Little (Baby) ~MINOR, Unknown, but is a baby or at least too young to express needs 🍼

Please read our carrd and the DNI byf! Please be aware that we have minors, so if you are an 18+ account, do not even try to interact with any of our system members, minor or not.

Thank you @spaghettiuserboxes for the userbox! We forgot to change it!

We will edit post when any info changes! Thank you for reading!

[20o1-deactivated20240129-deacti]

friendly reminder that it’s not your responsibility to be a version of yourself that you don’t resonate with anymore, just because people are more comfortable with who you used to be. You don’t have to take steps back in your growth or relive what you’ve outgrown just to keep certain connections alive.

[borderlinereminders]

It’s important to remember that your friends are the main characters in their own stories. And while a good friendship is give and take, it isn’t fair to expect a friend to give more than they can and at the expense of their own well-being.

It doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. It doesn't even mean they don't want to help you. Sometimes things aren't as black and white as we think they are in our heads.

(If your friend never gives support, and you always give them support, that isn’t what this post is talking about. That isn’t a fair friendship.)

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Yes, toxic relationships are hard. But so you know what else is hard? Your first healthy relationships after a toxic one. No-one talks about how hard it is to unlearn all the toxic behaviours you adapted as a coping mechanism. How hard it is to convince yourself that you are now safe.”

— Unknown

[borderlinereminders]

I was talking to someone earlier, and it reminded me of a way I cope.

I have a private self-care discord server.

In it, I have channels with instructions on what to do when I panic or spiral because when I start doing those things, I forget all my coping mechanisms.

I also have a channel for screenshots of loved ones that make me feel good.

I have a channel for little victories I have to read back on to remind myself of times when I feel like I can’t do anything.

I have a channel of neutral affirmations (I’m not in a place where positive ones help) to read when I need the reminders.

I have another channel that I write down happy experiences so that I can read them and smile when the lack of emotional permanence kicks my ass.

I also have a channel of videos that make me feel good (for me, it’s cute dog videos and nice stories) that includes some happy news articles too.

I really suggest doing something similar. While making a self-care box is super great (and something I also recommend!) having something on my phone is so helpful for when I’m out.

It doesn’t need to be discord but something organized in a way works for you! Something that you can open when you need it rather than having to try and remember all your possible coping mechanisms when you’re overwhelmed.

[aprilthebookqueen]

Can we start trusting disabled people to know their own limits? By this I mean if a disabled person says they can’t do something it’s not up to you to say “but you can! You just have to try harder!”

[aprilthebookqueen]

Here’s the thing. Sometimes we can force ourselves but it’s at the expense of our well-being. Just because I am physically capable of walking doesn’t mean my pain level isn’t severe. When I say “I can’t walk right now”, I’m not saying “I am physically incapable of walking” I am saying “walking at this moment will cause me excruciating pain, so I can’t do it right now”. And that’s equally as valid.

We shouldn’t need to constantly push our limits at our own expense to satisfy anyone else because we just need to “try harder”. Believe us and take us at our word.

[traumasurvivors]

Your trauma is valid if you couldn’t see the red flags.

Your trauma is valid if you saw the red flags and ignored them for whatever reason.

[borderlinereminders]

There is a huge difference between someone needing to take some space to calm down/gather their thoughts, and someone intentionally giving you the silent treatment as punishment.

The first one generally has at least some communication to start like "I need some space right now" or "I'm feeling overwhelmed and I can't talk to you about this right now." A lot of the time, the person will let you know that while they might be going quiet, it's due to their own mental state.

The second one may not have any sort of communication, or the communication may be harsh and meant to hurt you.

Please know these aren't absolutes. People are different and show things differently. The first examples still have room for manipulation. And sometimes people may shut down and not be able to speak when they're overwhelmed and it isn't meant to give you the silent treatment. Pay attention to someone's behaviour and not just what they say. I'm just wanting to encourage you to be aware and mindful. You don't deserve to be given the silent treatment as punishment. But other people do have the right to take some space to calm down. Knowing the difference is hard, and maybe it's something you should both talk about when you are calm. Planning out how you want to handle disagreements when you're calm might prove really useful.

[star-system22]

Most of our system is shut down rn, as in slipping in and out of dormancy.. it's upsetting of course but it's also making me realize how much stuff we truly have done separately when no one else was close to consciousness. One main example is the 3D grinch movie, I have definitely never seen it before. I watched it this evening and Alvin decided to show up and had watched the movie before and was reciting the script as it played. It was annoying. But point being, I'm noticing these full memory gaps more and more often as I am the only one who has maintained constant consiousness.

It's also making me realize that it's almost as if we memory share with each other when more than one of us have co-consious... it's hard to explain, but it's almost like we all have access to relative memories of situations, of one alter in co-con when it's needed.

Any other systems experience this?

[borderlinereminders]

Jealousy is often portrayed as a toxic and/or abusive trait.

And I just want to talk about that for a minute, especially for those who struggle with jealousy because I think a lot of you might feel bad when you see those posts.

Jealousy itself is not inherently bad. Again, like with other emotions, the emotion itself is not bad. It's your behaviours that might become a problem. Jealousy is actually a really normal and common emotion. I feel like by constantly demonizing "jealousy" that people are less likely to get help for managing it when it gets out of hand for them, and this could be harmful to them in the long run.

For example, there's a difference between "How dare you talk to another friend! Clearly you don't care about me." and "I'm feeling a bit insecure. Could you please give me some reassurance?" There's a difference between pushing your partner to not have relationships outside of you, and communicating with your partner about how you can work together to make you feel less like you're being replaced.

Actions like not allowing a partner/friend to have other relationships because of jealousy, or blowing up at them because someone flirted with them or etc are not okay (I also want to say that if you've done things I've said are "not okay" in the past, that you aren't bad or beyond healing. You can learn from those mistakes and do better). But the emotion itself is not bad and there are healthy ways to handle it.

If you struggle with jealousy, you are not a bad person. You are not automatically abusive or anything like that.

[borderlinereminders]

Jealousy is a very natural emotion and applies to a lot more than romantic relationships honestly.

[traumasurvivors]

My partner has taught me that you shouldn’t have to earn someone’s love by conforming to their idea of what they want you to be. Their love shouldn’t be conditional based on whether you’re doing what they want.

You deserve love now, as you are. You are worthy.

[star-system22]

🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[nonfatchai]

if your heart ever tells you that something doesn’t feel right, don’t ignore it

[star-system22]

[inkskinned]

“if you take medication for that, you’ll be taking medication all your life!!” yeah, and?? bud, i already put on my glasses every morning. it’s like. a condition of mine, not a side hobby i’m pursuing irresponsibly. 

[roach-works]

oh don’t worry im not *dependent* on drugs, i just happen to like it when my brain works every day

[simonalkenmayer]

Eat food now and you’ll be eating food your entire life.

[aberrant-eyes]

“Do not, my friends, become addicted to water. It will take hold of you, and you will resent its absence.”

[borderlinereminders]

It's not normal or healthy to feel the need to walk on eggshells around someone constantly. If you find that you tiptoe around your partner, friend or someone else because you're scared of how they may react, that relationship needs some serious reevaluation.

(Please note that if the reason you do this is because of previous trauma/experiences and not the person themselves, that's completely different.)

[brunetteg1rl]

mary oliver, upstream