memento mori

what brings loyalty beyond death, undimming despite the years? what remain unwavering in the face of hopelessness? through love, all is possible.

[starbind]

˚ ☾⭒starbind. private, selective, & low activity multimuse blog featuring muses from literature, tv series, & hoyoverse. loved by bri. she/her, 31.

♡ @cherres @pouppet @alhaytham

carrd | memes | blogroll

[alhaytham]

@starbind , kaveh ; ❛ you were shorter then. ❜

❝ . . . and you're the same height you were then, ❞ the corner of his lips turn upward in the slightest smirk. kaveh almost made it too easy for haitham to tease him. all it ever took were a few simple words from him to get underneath kaveh's skin. despite the teasing, there's a gentleness to his tone — as if reminiscing over their time together as students. haitham takes a step closer, closing the gap between them. his head tilting ever-so slightly as he stares down at kaveh. ❝ funny how you used to tease me for being shorter than you . . . ❞

[starbind]

“not true, i grew at least an inch!” annoyingly though he didn’t and kaveh only knew that because he checked his height monthly for a year after he noticed how much taller haitham had grown compared to him. he certainly wasn’t going to let haitham know that though, doing so would only give him further ammunition to tease him. he also wouldn’t tell haitham how despite it bothered him so much before, he now doesn’t mind their height difference. especially not like this with him standing so close to him and the way kaveh needs to lift his chin to look up at him. a blush crept on his face, dusting his cheeks with pink. “well back then you were short enough where i could lift you if i wanted to. i definitely can’t do that now.”

[painhaver-moved]

friendly reminder that i literally, actually cannot die, and id love to see any of you fuckers try to take me down

[starbind]

WHAT ENTERS THE ROOM BEFORE YOU DO

the energy ( nicole )

you arrive like warmth does, without asking permission. Before you speak, before you settle into a chair, something in the room softens. Conversations loosen their shoulders. Silences stop feeling accusatory. People don’t always know why they feel safer around you; they just do. Your presence is porous. You feel atmospheres the way skin feels temperature. Joy clings to you easily. So does unease. You often carry emotions that were never formally handed to you - just left in the air, assumed you’d hold them. Still, there is something grounding about you. You remind people that gentleness isn’t weakness, that openness can be steady. Colours: Honey, warm amber, sunlit linen Scene: Sitting cross-legged on the floor while others talk around you, quietly anchoring the room just by being there.

tagged by: @frostwoven tagging: @cherres ( himeko ) @alhaytham @palearizona @w4ntd @darkdevour

[starbind]

@cherres himeko said, "do you honestly think this is easy for me?" to kafka

with the astral express being empty, save for its navigator, it gave kafka the perfect opportunity to check in with himeko. the topic of discussion was stelle and how she was doing. as much as kafka wants to talk to stelle herself, she needs to keep her distance somewhat. so the next best thing was to speak to himeko about her. which kafka didn’t see as a total loss considering she’ll take any chance she gets to see her ex girlfriend. somehow their conversation diverged from stelle and onto their relationship. a subject in which kafka didn’t like discussing much considering why their relationship had to end and that there were still so many things she couldn’t divulge to her, no matter how badly kafka longs to.

kafka’s eyes remain on the chessboard before her, seemingly contemplating her next move. in actuality it was to avoid the look on himeko’s face when she posed her question. she wasn’t even sure if it was a rhetorical one or not, but given she could feel the other woman’s stare on her like a brand she supposed himeko wanted an actual answer. she leans back against the chair and takes a long sip of her wine only so she could stall further. “i don’t know, maybe? you do a pretty convincing act of hating me it’s hard to believe you’re struggling at all. not to mention, you and your crew have no problem working with the hunters except for me.” finally her eyes lift to look at himeko, her voice turning melancholic. “i can’t help but think you may actually hate me enough to be completely fine with never having to see or speak to me again.” with a gloved finger she pushes a chess piece onto the next space. “your turn navigator.”

[slushy-sash]

you look cute when you're mad 🐰

[starbind]

@cherres albedo said, "i never really cared about impressing anyone until i met you." to mona

she couldn’t help but give a slight laugh. they claim they never cared about impressing anyone and yet albedo does so effortlessly with anybody they come into contact with. even her own master. it was as if anyone that ever spoke to them was immediately charmed by them. it was perhaps the one thing mona was envious of. it would be nice for people to feel that way about her rather than think she’s cruel and cold. “albedo, i think it’s impossible for you to not impress me. or anyone for that matter. but, i’m curious, why me specifically? i’m no one special.”

[alhaytham]

@starbind , mona ; ❛ tell me who else knows. right now. ❜

he knew he shouldn't have made the initial comment about her relationship with setsuna. haitham would do just about anything to avoid unnecessary conversations, and giving an unprompted comment was a mistake he rarely made. it was only meant to be made in passing, not an open invitation for further conversation but he should have suspected the mage take it to heart.

❝ as far as i know, only kaveh. i don't have any interest in relationship gossip, but he's certainly become suspicious of your visits to a certain vahumana student . . . and if he noticed, then i'm sure others have as well, ❞ he finally glances up at her from the book in hand. beneath the usual neutral expression, there was just a hint of amusement in his gaze. even if the conversation was initially unwelcomed, her flair for dramatics reminded him of kaveh. if he were here now, he would find this conversation far more interesting than haitham. ❝ you two aren't exactly subtle around each other, ❞

[starbind]

it wasn’t as if their relationship was a secret, at least mona didn’t think it was. but neither her or setsuna were shouting it from the rooftops and telling everyone they knew either. setsuna never gave her the impression that he was the kind of guy who wanted to brag about having a girlfriend. as for herself, she didn’t have many friends to gush about him to. there was fischl, but she’s more like a younger sister and she already guessed there was someone considering mona took frequent trips to sumeru. more than anything though she was worried about barbeloth catching wind of their relationship and having to deal with a lecture from her about not being focused enough and getting caught up in ‘trivial’ things such as relationships. knowing her she’d probably send her on some wild goose chase to keep her away from him.

“is that why he’s always trying to get me drunk and asking me questions about what i’m doing here?” usually they’re nights drinking ended with him babbling about haitham and something he did to piss kaveh off that day. once he started going there wasn’t much of an opportunity for mona to jump in with her own problems. “you know it’s funny, as much as your boyfriend drinks it’s a surprise he’s a lightweight.” the only reason why mona even knew the two of them are together is because kaveh told her during one of his drunken rants, otherwise she would have thought the two of them were just roommates who didn’t get along. her mouth dropped open in offense, “wha-what?! we are subtle! and besides how would you know you always have your nose in a book or your eyes on kaveh.”

[pouppet]

@starbind , mona ; ❛ we shouldn't … ah, we shouldn't be doing this. ❜

❝ no? ❞ his hand stops, resting against her thigh just below where she needed him most. he could feel her warmth against his skin and a slow smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth as he pressed a kiss against her throat. she was already wet and he knew it. his chest filling with a sense of pride knowing that it was him who had her this desperate from just a few kisses. she had been purposely teasing him all afternoon while the pair were out with their friends, and now he was finally getting his revenge on her.

❝ you're the one who started this and now you want to back out? ❞ his breath warm against her ear as his tongue pokes out, dragging along the outer edge of her ear. ❝ the way you were writhing against me just a moment ago says otherwise. i think you secretly enjoy this. you're getting off on the fear of being caught by someone, ❞ his hand begins to move again, trailing up until his palm is pressing against her core, just barely providing enough pressure for any real relief. ❝ you're pathetic. ❞

[starbind]

she bit her bottom lip to stop herself from letting a whine of protest out when his hand stopped moving. the hand that was tangled in his hair flexed, tempted to just move his hand to where she needed him to be. his lips against her set her skin on fire and she wanted more. but her focus was caught between him and their friends who were close enough that she could still make out pieces of their conversation along with whose laugh belonged to whom. if either of their friends got up from the table and headed this way they would see the way setsuna has mona pushed against the alley wall. they’d see where his hand lingers on her and the way her cheeks are flush with color. they would know what they were up to and the thought both mortified and thrilled her. the need for him had consumed her all day, so much so she couldn’t help but tease him here and there with a few touches and whispered words of how much she wanted him. now she was paying the price for all that teasing.

goosebumps rise on her skin from both his voice and tongue. she releases a shaky breath as she tries to gather herself somewhat. “our friends– what if they come looking for us? do you want them to see us like this?” mona already felt dizzy and his words didn’t help her. mostly because he was right, she was embarrassingly turned on by the possibility that at any moment one of their friends would wonder where they went off to and would come looking for them only to find setsuna having his way with her. the fingers locked in his hair strengthened their grip when she felt his hand move once again. the noise that came out of her truly did make her feel pathetic, especially when her body instinctively grinded against the palm of his hand. with glassy eyes she glared at him, ready to goad him. “funny, because i was just thinking how pathetic you are. you needed me so bad you just couldn’t wait until we got home.”

[neekorps]

RABIA SOYTÜRK via instagram

[starbind]

i’m trying to get myself out of this shitty mood then i’ll be around here or nesta

[starbind]

hopefully i’ll get back to writing tomorrow, i was away this weekend and school gets out this week so my niece and nephew will be with me for a few days

[starbind]

nicole is home 🥹

[starbind]

MONA IN NICOLE'S TRAILER, NOBODY SPEAK TO ME I'M SCREAMING

[anunsociablebear]

I would kill for you. Die for you. But most of all, I would be softer for you. I would do all thats in my power to make your life easier. I would dull the jagged edges of myself until I can hold you in peace the way you deserve. You would never have to stand on your own ever again and any burden you carry, I'll share with you.

Let my devotion be violent and my love for you soft.

[starbind]

I’ll get back to writing this week, i spent last week farming for nicole and catching up on hsr a bit!!

[busyw0man]

⋆｡‧˚ʚ💋ɞ˚‧｡⋆   𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭   𝐢𝐟   𝐢   𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫?

❝   i   know   i’m   too   much.   you   don’t   have   to   say   it.   ❞

❝   you’d   be   so   much   happier   without   me,   wouldn’t   you?   ❞

❝   i   don’t   know   why   you   stay.   i   wouldn’t.   ❞

❝   i   ruin   everything   i   touch.   ❞

❝   i’m   sorry   for   being   this   way.   i   really   do   try.   ❞

❝   i   can’t   stop   thinking   that   i’m   exhausting   you.   ❞

❝   you   deserve   someone   easier   to   love.   ❞

❝   i   wish   i   knew   how   to   need   less.   feel   less.   be   less.   ❞

❝   i   don’t   know   how   to   fix   myself.   ❞

❝   you   shouldn’t   have   to   hold   me   together   like   this.   ❞

❝   i   don’t   want   to   be   a   burden,   but   i   know   i   am.   ❞

❝   you   love   me   now,   but   what   about   when   i   fall   apart   again?   ❞

❝   i   don’t   want   to   be   the   reason   you’re   tired   all   the   time.   ❞

❝   maybe   i’m   just   too   loud.   too   sensitive.   too   complicated.   ❞

❝   i   think   i   make   everything   harder.   ❞

❝   i   don’t   know   how   to   be   okay.   and   that’s   not   fair   to   you.   ❞

❝   i’m   scared   i’m   gonna   push   you   away.   ❞

❝   i   hate   this   version   of   me.   and   i’m   scared   you   will   too.   ❞

❝   i   keep   waiting   for   the   moment   you   finally   get   tired   of   me.   ❞

❝   it’s   okay   if   you   want   to   leave.   i’d   understand.   ❞

❝   i   always   end   up   being   the   person   people   walk   away   from.   ❞

❝   i   can’t   keep   pretending   i’m   easy   to   love.   ❞

❝   i   see   it   in   your   eyes, how   tired   you   are   of   me.   ❞

❝   maybe   if   i   was   quieter,   softer,   easier…   maybe   then   you’d   stay.   ❞

❝   you   say   you   love   me,   but   how   long   until   you   don’t?   ❞

❝   i   feel   like   i’m   breaking   your   heart   just   by   being   who   i   am.   ❞

❝   i   don’t   think   i   know   how   to   exist   without   apologizing   for   it.   ❞

❝   i   keep   waiting   for   you   to   wake   up   and   realize   i’m   not   worth    this.   ❞

❝   i   talk   too   much.   i   cry   too   much.   i   feel   too   much.   ❞

❝   why   would   anyone   want   to   stay   with   someone   like   me?   ❞

❝   you   keep   saying   you’re   fine,   but   i   know   i’m   too   much.   ❞

❝   if   i   start   to   spiral   again,   will   you   still   be   here?   ❞

❝   i   don’t   know   how   to   be   anything   other   than   overwhelming.   ❞

❝   loving   me   looks   like   a   burden   on   you.   i   can   see   it.   ❞

❝   what   if   i   never   get   better?   what   if   this   is   all   i   am?   ❞

❝   i   hate   that   i   need   reassurance   just   to   feel   okay.   ❞

❝   you   shouldn’t   have   to   love   me   through   this.   ❞

❝   it’s   not   your   job   to   fix   me.   i   don’t   want   to   ruin   you   too.   ❞

❝   it   hurts   more   when   you   don’t   say   anything.   ❞

❝   i   wish   i   could   disappear   before   you   stop   loving   me.   ❞

❝   i’m   not   trying   to   push   you   away.   i   just…   don’t   want   you   to   regret   staying.   ❞

❝   i   think   i’m   just   too   complicated   to   keep.   ❞