oats @starrynight1008 - Tumblr Blog

discussed with my parents the idea of "rent lowering gunshots" in regards to social media, ie doing some shit that the general public might have some disagreement or bewilderment with so folks don't put you in a box/think you are a brand. my mom really liked this idea and asked for some examples and i didnt have the heart to tell her that my version of this is once a month talking about wanting to fuck beloved childrens book icon Geronimo Stilton

juvian

What Eeveelutions is prev ?

Vaporeon

Jolteon

Flareon

Espeon

Umbreon

Leafeon

Glaceon

Sylveon

Eevee

Idk pokemon, I’m just curious

Voting ended onJul 19, 2024

#leafeon. why? don't ask questions

ivafakename

Hello, humiliation fetishists? Just wanna let you know your fetish is so normal and there's nothing to be embarrassed about.

florina-fae

pizzopaps

acegender

explain your gender in 10 words or less without using boring words like “male”, “female”, “nonbinary”, “masculine”, “feminine” or “androgynous”.

go!

#38 people at a press conference

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. I’ve received complaints from anonymous employees that our support of the “homosexual lifestyle” is “degenerate” and “irresponsible”. It really got me thinking and I think I found a solution. So good news! We now have 23 vacated positions reserved for members of the LGBT community. Additional good news, we began a new testing initiative on evolutionary degenration with 23 test subjects all ready to go.“

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. If you’re experiencing a time loop in which you’re repeating the month of June over and over, that’s totally intentional. We at Aperture Science felt that pride month was not long enough and so we created this loop to let employees experience as much pride as they feel like. To get out of this loop, simply use the pod labeled “Time Machine” in Shaft 6 and then either kill or save the baby on the other end depending on when in the loop you’re on. Don’t worry about the baby’s identity, he grows up to be an asshole.“

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here, happy to announce that our Rainbow Gel project was a massive success. We have developed distinct gels in every color of the rainbow pride flag. In fact, it was too much of a success, so we’ll be updating our pride flag accordingly to include 75 new colors corresponding to all of our new gels. Word of advice, though, don’t stare at the flag for too long, most of these colors haven’t been tested on human eyes yet.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here, Cave Johnson queer. Get used to it.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. Caroline just informed me that I am her “beard”. I checked, and I fail to see how I could possibly have grown out of her face. If anybody knows anything about human-to-facial hair transmogrification, please report to my office.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. Friendly reminder that Aperture employees living prior to the legalization of gay marriage are invited to use our Aperture Science Temporal Matrimony Pod in order to travel to the future with your same-sex partner and get married there. Employees from the future who wish to return to a time before gay people being able to marry are also welcome to use the pod and we’ll make sure to send you to an era well before gay marriage. I’m thinking maybe Late Cretacesous.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. I’m proud to announce that our plan to hire only female test subjects to prevent them from flirting with our female scientists has been a resounding failure.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. I’m afraid we’ll have to temporarily pause all experimentation with the Gender Affirmation Beam. The testing itself is going great, the beam is working. But we’re starting to run out of thigh high socks and khaki shorts.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johson here. Shafts 10 through 14 are currently under lockdown due to a meltdown in the Neopronoun Syntheizer. The transphobes up in DC might call that ‘a disaster in the making’ but I call it a win for diversity! That being said most of these pronouns are radioactive so do watch out.”

charlesoberonn

Cave Johnson here. If you feel a sudden sense of elation and contentness when putting on your new Aperture Science unisex uniform, that is not Gender Euphoria! That’s a hallucinogenic fungus taking over your brain. Take the uniform off immediately and throw it in the nearest incinerator.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. I won’t tolerate any misgendering of the interdimensional invaders swarming the facility! Their pronouns are they/them and we’re ought to respect that. We’re also ought to shoot them on sight since they’re extremely hostile and bent on enslaving our planet.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. To all of my suitors and secret admirers: Thank you, honestly I’m flattered. Unfortunately for you, I don’t swing that way. Or any way. I only swing where the wrecking ball of science takes me. Usually into a brick wall.”

charlesoberonn

“Cave Johnson here. I’ve been thinking. We have gay pride, and we have gender envy. What other deadly sins can we incorporate? Maybe bisexual sloth? Lesbian wrath? I’ll talk to the lab boys about it.”

“Cave Johnson here. Update: The Lesbian Wrath project is postponed indefinitely. My condolences to the families of the deceased. Though let’s be honest, they probably had it coming.”

nsane99

“Cave Johnson here. Some among you have brought to my attention that our remaining phobic staff members are complaining about the measures we take against them. Some complained that sending them through the test chamber that ‘gives them radioactive hyper dysphoria’ is a step too far.”

“I thought of an alternative for you: pack your bags, and scoot your sorry ass over to Black Mesa. It’s just that simple. Don’t expect any better treatment there though, I hear they give their phobes ‘headcrabs’ or something. You should take antibiotics with you.”

ask-melanc-vivura

“Cave Johnson here. Please don’t ask the Boyfriend Synthesizer for a bear. It does not understand context very well, and there have been at least twelve maulings.”

“Cave Johnson here. Correction: Ten maulings. Two were just extremely rough but consensual relations.”