Let's Destroy Something Beautiful

TRIGGER WARNING!!! OSDD-1b/csa/cocsa/depression/anxiety/PTSD/Ana I do not promote any form of self harm.

[wolfteethe]

People always ask if your trauma changed you but I was young, I don’t know who I was before my trauma. I don’t know who I would’ve been without it and I never will know.

[roomba-with-knives-taped-to-it]

Crying over these lesbian cats

[s1cklyangel]

hi reminder that traumacore isn’t an aesthetic or romanticism. it’s vent art n a form of coping, artistic expression isn’t glorification, just because someone makes art out of their struggles n trauma doesn’t mean they’re glorifying it. STOP telling trauma survivors n those with mental disorders that their form of coping is ‘wrong’, STOP telling them that they cannot put their feelings into art. traumacore is a healthy coping mechanism so stop dictating those who use it. it’s invalidating and disgusting, shut up n mind ur own fuckin business.

[golyadkin]

Hot tip for parents both present and future: When your kid tells you something is wrong, listen to them!

Sorry for not posting much lately, I’ve been busy with work and personal stuff, including an upcoming spinal x-ray I’ve been waiting over a decade for and the angriest doctor I’ve ever met in my life

[bpd00m]

when your partner is a childhood sexual trauma survivor

be patient. lots of times we may have unhealthy and complicated relationships with sex & the way we view ourselves and sensuality

understand that you're not at fault. crying during sexi timez or having to stop in the middle & having breakdowns are all due to our trauma n what we associate with intimacy

things can get ugly. every so often we might have a breakdown over what's happened to us. we feel violated, robbed, dirty, tainted, like our body isn't ours, we crave the innocence that was stolen from us.

even if we're recovered or recovering, it still comes up. its something we carry everywhere we go, we can't forget about it. as much as you wish we could just get over it, we can't. we've tried. it doesn't work that way.

hypersexuality & sex repulsion. we may go through cycles of being constantly h0rny or completely uninterested in sex- especially around trauma dates. it's our body & minds way of coping, they're on their own timer.

we're frustrated and tired too. it's so defeating when we have to stop in the middle of it. it feels like SHIT when we can't please you. you might feel unwanted or like we're not attracted to you, but we are. we have this mental block that's preventing us from doing what we want to do & enjoying it. it's completely our own thing & not bc you've done something.

if we have to stop, pls be understanding and gentle. it can be very easy for us to feel guilty & at fault over it.

please don't be angry towards or threaten to hurt the abuser(s)

very minuscule things could trigger flashbacks or breakdowns, we can feel pathetic for it, just pls don't view us as weak

we may change very quickly. while you miss the person we were a while back, chances are we do too. you are not the cause of these changes, it's apart of healing & possibly connected to trauma dates

it gets worse before it gets better. trauma-based/centred therapy is extremely difficult to go through. we may have more breakdowns, outbursts, flashbacks, etc. but it will get better as it goes on.

please believe, support, and listen to us. we've dealt with victim blaming (including from ourselves), ppl telling us we're lying, questioning ourselves on if it even happened, hate, etc.

take care of yourself. your happiness & well-being are extremely important.

don't be afraid or ashamed to reach out for help. we know this all affects you too. if you need to look in to counselling or support groups for yourself- please do. we'll support you 100%

don't forget or neglect your own boundaries. your limits and needs are equally important as ours.

know that we're still the same person from before you learned what we went through. we are not victims. we're survivors, we're human beings.

[valiumvampire]

I feel like there are trauma reactions that we are very hush hush about because we’re afraid of other people judging us.  there are survivors who crave abuse because it is all they know there are survivors who crave getting beat up and called every horrible name there are survivors who age regress there are hypersexual survivors  there are survivors who’s trauma has left them with kinks they are ashamed of there are survivors who fantasize about being raped, about reliving their trauma there are survivors who want their abuser to die, and there are survivors who would die for their abuser trauma reactions can be messy and ugly, because trauma is a messy and ugly thing. this does not mean we support abuse, but rather, our bodies and minds had to adapt and cope.  people respond to trauma differently. we are not Bad Survivors.

[furiousgoldfish]

(TW) csa symptoms that are not talked about (let me know if you are struggling with this):

re-living some aspects of the abuse (feeling uncomfortable, aroused but scared, having intrusive thoughts and memories) every time you have to go to the bathroom

sick fantasies, attraction towards pain, humiliation, control or being controlled, rape fantasies, really cruel and twisted fantasies

feeling disgusted with yourself because of the sick fantasies, wondering what is wrong with you and if you’re some sort of monster for imagining that

trying to desperately stop the fantasies but eventually giving in and feeling guilty

trying to have normal fantasies but in the end most of them re-enact abuse in some way (one person is in power over another, something is forced against your will, you are pressured or forced into something, your assent is ignored or dismissed, one person is using another as an object or service, there’s manipulation, humiliation, abuse, violence and pain involved, the situation is one of obligation to have sex and not done out of true desire for intimacy)

losing your ability to refuse or reject someone when in sexual situation

losing your ability to say no or defend yourself in a sexual situation

losing your ability to speak in a sexual situation

even if you desire intimacy once in a sexual situation you find yourself just waiting until it’s over and doing anything to end it faster

inevitably feeling fear and strong possibility of getting hurt in a sexual situation

feeling like a child in a sexual situation

re-living all the emotions you felt during sexual abuse, in any sexual situation

feeling terrified of sex in general, but still craving it

belief that sex is the only true form of intimacy and feeling awful and destroyed for not being able to share that with anyone anymore

belief that nobody will want you like this and that you’re irreparably damaged

[cxwardiice]

“Am I repressing trauma or can I genuinely not remember my childhood” a novel by me

[lowkeystillsleeping]

Is This Memory Real Or Did I Make It Up To Cope: a thrilling sequel

[kittensane]

i think the part of trauma recovery that no one rly talks about is how theres a part of you that doesn’t want to get better because then its like they get away with what they did to you. like your pain is the only evidence you have left... its hard to learn to be okay with letting go of your pain

[ptsdeer]

Fun lil’ childhood trauma things!

Being angry at your younger self for not disclosing the trauma

Fantasizing about going back in time and telling someone

Petty jealousy towards kids that did disclose and got help

All the self-blame all the time!

Did that happen or is it just a bitterly twisted false memory?

Random anger at adults around you for NOT NOTICING WHEN IT WAS SO FUCKING OBVIOUS 

Feel free to add your personal faves to this list!

[valtsv]

i'll be like "i'm straight passing" then stand like this whenever i zone out

[avpdvoidspace]

surely I can't be the only person with avpd who gets very distraught by positive self talk, affirmations, and hope and just feels worse upon even trying it.

[traumatizeddfox]

me: it can’t get worse from here! :)

me: *developed an ed*

[mysharona1987]

[instructor144]

[mysharona1987]

Fun fact: Tucker’s super rich mom made a point of only leaving him $1 in her will.

And she likely did that for a reason: So he couldn’t contest the will and argue “But maybe she was old and not in her right mind and forgot me.”

It’s apparently a specific practice amongst rich people when you want to leave a loathed family member nothing and don’t want to give them a leg to stand on in court.

[mysharona1987]

Tucker’s mom giving off the Lucille Bluth vibes.

[we-used-to-dream]

GET FUCKED TUCKER

[queennan1-deactivated20240816]

Yeah, my great aunt decided to leave all of her property and money to my dad rather than any of her shitty kids or grandkids (like they all lived in houses she owned and maintained rent free within 5 miles of her own home and guess who took care of her for the last 10 years of her life? Like cleaning her house, taking her to church and appointments, and out shopping. My dad, my mom, and me.) She changed her will about 2 and a half years before she died and left each of her kids and grandkids $10 each so they couldn’t contest the will. She actually insisted on a traditional will reading, probably for the drama. I was 100 % sure her oldest son was gonna have a stroke when he realized Dad got just about everything, including all the houses they all lived in. Auntie even stipulated in her will that Dad should boot them all out if they gave him trouble and at the very least they should all start paying rent.

Anyway, if Dad hadn’t already had a will leaving everything to me and mom one of those jerks would probably have tried to kill him.

[mysharona1987]

“Insisted on a traditional will reading probably just for the drama.”

Your great aunt was amazing.

[showerthoughtsofficial]

What if schizophrenics are actually just telepathically linked to other schizophrenics and they’re hearing each others voices?

[transgendervegetamoved-deactiva]

1) schizophrenic people don’t exist to have their mental illness treated like some kind of quirky plot device

2) this is the complete opposite of what a person who might experience delusions needs to hear.

3) not all schizophrenic people hear voices

[miss-united-states-deactivated2]

You’re safe.

There’s nothing chasing you. There won’t be a face in the window. Nothing is following you up the stairs. Nothing is under your bed. You can throw your legs over your bed, you can have your arm over the side of the bed, because nothing is out to get you. I promise. I’m here to protect you. I’ll kick its ass.

You’re safe.

[bpd-trichster]

me: *chillin*

my brain: SELF HARM BINGE EAT TAKE ALL YOUR PILLS PUNCH A HOLE THROUGH A WALL DRINK AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA PULL OUT ALL YOUR HAIR SCREAM FOR NO REASON JUMP IN FRONT OF A CAR CUT OFF ALL YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS ROB A BANK

me: *no longer chillin*