The Surreal Nonsense You Wish To See In The World

Misc

[thyrell]

i love when boomers complain about shit like this because as a fast food worker i would literally rather walk out into the lobby and shoot myself in the head than suggest more than one menu item to a customer

[holycrapitsbags]

Yeah former 8 year Starbucks employ here. This never happens. I’ve have had what amounts to a flip on this happen more often. Something like

“Welcome in what can I get you”

“I want a plain black coffee”

“All rights wha-“

“No sugar or cream or flavor or anything else.”

“Okay, got it, wha-“

“I don’t want no caramachmocha flippy-do’s or frappachina-what-it’s. Just. A plain ol regular black coffee”

“That’s great sir, now please wha”

“Just a old fashioned stright up coff-“

“SIR WHAT SIZE DO YOU WANT YOU STUPID FUCKING COFFEE”

[gonsplode]

[a-book-of-creatures]

Mutuals feel free to pick me up and drop me off in front of prime real estate that’s all mine

I will be scared but I will appreciate it

[emjoy398]

[raychleadele]

So there’s this artist, Alex Schaefer, who makes a bunch of paintings of Chase Bank burning.

There’s just

so many of these

and I think it’s incredibly funny but

I just read this bit from the artist and

This is a "plein air" painting which means I set up my easel right across the street of this Chase bank in my city and painted it like it had caught fire. The police questioned me on the spot. Three weeks later Homeland Security was knocking on the door to my home. The question they kept asking me was "Do you hate these banks?" I can honestly say yes.

And I just think this is the greatest artist statement I’ve ever read.

[a-garibaldi-is-a-fish]

an addition from his insta:

[cyle]

perfect t-shirt

[gahdamnpunk]

When Zuko apologized to uncle Iroh in the tent cause he was so ashamed of his actions and what he’d done to the only person who unconditionally believed in his ability to do good >>>>>

[opinions-about-tiaras]

So okay, I’ve given this rant before but this is another good time for it.

Structurally speaking, ATLA did something important with Zuko that, in a purely mechanistic sense of narrative development, I think a lot of people don’t notice immediately, and that even fewer people who want to emulate what was done with him get.

Which is Zuko is made a protagonist VERY early, and the show goes out of its way to continually place Zuko into situations where the audience empathizes and roots for him.

This happens in literally the second episode of the series, if we count the two-part premiere as a single episode, which I think we should. The A-plot of that episode, “The Southern Air Temple,” is Aang reckoning with the genocide of his people… but the B-plot?

The B-plot is the introduction of Zhao, and more specifically, his introduction in a way that is calculate to shift the audience, whose introduction to Zuko did NOT engender a ton of sympathy to him, directly and forcefully onto his side. They want Zuko to kick Zhao’s ass.

This continues all through book one and book two. Remember, Zuko is never, ever the main villain of this series. That’s initially Zhao, followed by Azula and Ozai. (Plus various temporary players like Long Feng.) Whenever Zuko isn’t placed into direct conflict with the other protagonists, he’s always written and presented in a way that is careful, VERY VERY careful, not to make him too monstrous, and to make us root for him. He’s placed right next to Iroh, who is designed for people to like, and that reflects back onto Zuko; we want Zuko to be better than he is because we want Iroh to have good things.

Put aside for the moment whether any specific character, including Zuko, deserves their redemption. If you’ve decided you’re going to do that, you have to erect the proper narrative scaffolding around them, and it extends to far more things than “did this person not do things that were too horrible” and “is this person genuinely sorry and is working really hard to atone.” There’s a difference between protagonist and white hat, but if you want someone to eventually wear that white hat, you REALLY need to establish them as a plausible protagonist early on.

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

Yeah, it was made obvious from the get go that Zuko is definitely nowhere near Zhao’s level of nasty, which in turn means he’s nowhere near Azula’s and nowhere in the scope of Ozai’s.

1.) 

He made a deal with Aang to leave the Southern Water Tribe alone if Aang went with him. When Aang escaped with help from two of those tribe members, Zuko didn’t demand they go back and destroy what was left of the tribe as revenge. He didn’t even think of it as an option. There was no split second where he went, should I/shouldn’t I?

2.) 

This is repeated. He corners the Avatar somewhere, causes some damage to the area in the ensuing fight, but does not stick around to raze the village/monastery to the ground and kill the people when he doesn’t get what he wants. Doesn’t consider this a necessary action even once.

3.) 

The Iroh&Zuko relationship is juxtaposed with the Zhao&Zuko relationship. Both older men have more power over him. Iroh is a retired War General and Prince who is not banished. Zhao is a Commander in favor of the Firelord, who is also not banished. We could tell early on that Iroh is wise and despite being on the bad side, seems to be pretty chill. We took a liking to him immediately. Zhao is the opposite. He is very much like early!Zuko. Impulsive, rude, loud, cocky, etc… But why is he more annoying? Why do we root for Zuko as opposed to him? 

Because we see what Zuko is like with his Uncle Iroh. Iroh does not rub in the fact that he’s banished. He doesn’t use that when reprimanding him for his attitude or his failings. That is a hot iron and he knows it. It’s to the point where Iroh can bend fire in Zuko’s face and Zuko is perfectly relaxed over it and doesn’t once believe his uncle will hurt him. There is a lot of faith in Iroh, from this angsty teenager, and it’s very obvious with their interactions.

Zhao is not trustworthy from the start. We’re shown this by how both Zuko and Iroh are hesitant to interact with him and don’t want to linger in areas he has control over, for too long. They even lie to him despite him obviously having more favor in the Firelord’s eyes than either of them do. Zhao’s personality opposes both Zuko and Iroh. And as we like Iroh, we want him to win and have nice things, as stated above. But Zuko&Iroh is a package deal. And as Zhao reveals himself more and more to be nasty even if it’s subtle, we want Zuko to win even harder.

And even when Zuko wins and he’s in the prime position to do to Zhao what Ozai did to Zuko for also ‘speaking out of turn’… he doesn’t do it. He walks away. He is the bigger man in that scenario. And Iroh further puts shame onto Zhao when he goes against the sacred rules of the Agni Kai because he can’t handle a loss to a banished teen. We are shown that Zuko follows rules and has honor, which is reinforced by Iroh’s, ‘even in exile, my nephew is more honorable than you’. Iroh’s Word is basically Law at this point. Sf he says it is so, then he must be right and the audience accepts that. He knows Zuko better than us and hopefully we’ll get to understand more as the story progresses.

Already by the 3rd episode, we’re shown that Zuko is in no way the worst person from the Fire Nation. In fact, we’re given a sort of scale now from the four major Fire Nation people we know of. Iroh–Zuko——-Zhao–Firelord.

We’re also hoping that Iroh rubs off on Zuko enough for him to also become wise and learn to chill out.

4.) 

When “The Storm” finally rolls around, we’re pretty invested by then in the Iroh&Zuko relationship and that episode gives us so much more info into Zuko’s character and we are shown that Iroh is right. He has honor and he cares for others. And yet it’s obvious the Firelord doesn’t because we see Zuko do the right thing(protesting the plan to treat new recruits as cannon fodder) in the wrong place, and then his face gets burned off by his father because of it. And further, he’s banished for refusing to fight his own father. What sane parent wants to do battle with their own child? What sane parent banishes their child for speaking out of turn at the defense of their own peoples’ lives? What the fuck is wrong with the Firelord?

Zuko was punished severely for showing compassion and having a kind heart. And Iroh(and the ship crew even) is properly mortified by the punishments his nephew received for it, which in turn affects the audience’s perception of this situation. Iroh doesn’t like it, it’s especially bad then.

Now we start wondering why does Zuko wants to go back to the guy who burned his face off?! Iroh, talk some sense into him! PLEASE!

Halfway through S1, they got us to the point of wanting Zuko to have a redemption arc. 

Making the audience want a character to be redeemed is also very important in this. We were shown he has redeemable qualities. We want that pay off! Do it justice!

[dealbrekker]

[sundove88]

I love him!!!

[starrynet]

that’s his little guy!!

[rexuality]

i have a story for you, tumblr. last year my coworkers and I were riding in a golf cart at a music festival passing out drinks to people, because the festival had been cancelled that day and everyone was trying to make the best of a bad situation. after some time we spot a guy on the other side of the road dressed as lord farquaad, walking alone. we yell, “LORD FARQUAAD! DO YOU WANT A DRINK??” dude yells an affirmative, walks into the road without looking, gets hit by a fucking car, and goes flying.

I really need you to picture a lord farquaad being dummy yeeted into the air by an incoming vehicle while a golf cart of inebriated, glitter and mud plastered coworkers are full-on horror movie screaming together. before we can even process this, lord farquaad gets up like 🤪 how bout that drink?? completely okay, utterly unphased, red hat and bob wig still locked the fuck in. we check on him several times, all talking over each other, and while he’s calmly and pleasantly assuring us he’s fine, he passes each one of us a tiny jesus figurine. he bestows a “god bless you all” and then resumes his jaunt, drink in hand.

after that we drove in total relieved hysterics, the kinda laughter that only happens when you narrowly avoided catastrophe. and i have NO idea if the driver that hit him even said a word because my entire consciousness in that moment was farquaad, there was only farquaad. I hope that he reads this one day and knows that he is STILL talked about and regarded as some sort of festival cryptid. we are blessed indeed

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 68 (masterpost here)

Tim: i'll bet you anything i can shoot this elastic band into the roof of that convertible from here.

Dick: that's not even a challenge, you gotta do it from where Damian is across the street.

*connecting ping*

Jason: yo i see three people online, are we having a 4/4 main Gotham squad night?

Damian: yes, Father is off with the Justice League.

Jason: neat. i think i found a meta by the way, we might have to register him in the Batcave.

distant, angry male voice: I'M NOT A FUCKING META I'M A DAMN STAGE MAGICIAN.

Jason: hold on- shut up, i told you there was no way for you to know that was my card, so until you tell me how it happened in a logical manner, you are a meta and i will be keeping you tied up. -ok i'm back.

Distant male voice: i took an oath Red Hood, you cant keep fucking doing this! if it pisses you off that much then STOP COMING TO MY SHOWS.

Damian: aw man, again, Akhi? let him go.

Dick, amused and baffled: this has happened before?

Jason: 'm not letting him go, he's a meta.

Damian: he's not, though.

Tim: i seriously thought you were joking when you told me he had beef with a stage magician now.

Dick: you knew about this?

Tim: i- *sputter* i'd heard stories, i didn't think it was real.

Damian: hold on, i'm on my way over to you, Hood.

Jason: sick.

Damian: and I'm untying Clarance.

Jason: YOU CAN'T- HE'S A META.

Damian: I HAVE DNA TESTED HIM A THOUSAND TIMES NO HE IS NOT.

Distant male voice: how about- how about i do the trick again, Hood. so you can see it plainly.

*brief pause*

Jason: i'm not untying you, but sure.

*shuffling*

Distant male voice: -pick a card,

*cards flicking* *shuffling*

Distant male voice: put it back- this chain is way too tight, man. ok put it back, and you can shuffle the deck yourself.

*shuffling*

Jason: *annoyed grunt*

*silence*

Distant male voice: ...is this your card?

Jason: fuck you.

Dick, starting to laugh: H-Hood,

Jason: no- he's a fucking DANGER TO GOTHAM, SOMEBODY GET FUCKING MARTIAN MANHUNTER OR I SWEAR TO GOD,

Distant male voice: *forlorn* Hood this is the fourth time this month.

Jason: SILENCE FROM YOU.

Dick: *wheezes*

[cerastes]

I wasn't sure about letting this Hydromancer into the party at first, but it turns out her sword arm is unparalleled, and she only dabbled into Hydromancy so she could intentionally contain the enemy's blood after she rained countless slashes upon them like a meteor shower on the clear night sky for the express purpose of striking a pose, muttering "zan", and then releasing all of the blood on their wounds at once in a spectacle that the villager elder described "sick as fuck".

[hatopond]

cute robins

All the chubby robins are so cute!

[shabbytigers]

in other developments re german/anglo cultural exchange on breadstuffs, this image was posted to a facebook group yesterday

the following events ensued:

1. predictable lively discussion on the preparation of Wienerschnitzel, in which natives and wurstaboos are pro-puff and everybody else is like *confused dog head tilt* why wouldn’t you want the crust to stay ~attached to the thing you put it on? as with other fried foods?

2. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my band name” jokes

3. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my stripper name” jokes

4. one “ah yes, Bad Schnitzel! a lovely spa town” joke

5. this absolute masterpiece:

[robs-your-robins]

"Where do babies come from?"

It's a common question asked by children all over the world with varying answers from the stork or finding babies under a cabbage leaf but in Gotham, parents came up with the much more local version. Where do babies come from? Batman brings them, obviously. The Robins? Children that couldn't find their parents in time so Batman kept them. And bad children? Where do you think all the Bats in Gotham come from?

So I imagine Bruce being on a rooftop one time and a little kid gets the drop on him, tugging his cape and Bruce is all like, "can I help you little guy? Also, why are you awake?" and the kid is all "look, don't turn me into a bat but I want a brother, so cough up?". And Bruce is just confused as fuck until the kid explains calmly, that his mom told him that Batman brings babies and he wants a brother, not a sister and yes, he's technically breaking his mom's rule about getting out of bed but he's brought some fruit so don't turn him into a bat, please and thank you? Bruce just nods and insists on bring the kid home and for years after he's completely confused by the exchange until Tim, freshly Robin, breaks it to him. "I left you chicken bones and a can of Coors Light for a month straight because wanted a sibling," gesturing to Dick, "It kind of worked?"

[dragongirlbunny]

saw a post on bluesky about reimagining The Iliad as a mecha war and that idea goes unbelievably hard. achilles in his legally distinct gundam cutting through dozens of enemy suits. aggamemnon in his gold-plated mech. paris using a long range sniper rifle to exploit a design flaw in achilles' armor. the gods are all various megacorps who have a stake in the war bc it'll impact their profits.

[cerastes]

The job market is ROUGH rough right now. This Slime Girl I know, she's not found a single opening in high level zones as a boss fight, so she decided to settle for midboss, but there's not even midboss openings right now. Her statline is huge, but she had to settle for random encounter... In a beginner area.

We were hanging out yesterday and she kept complaining not just about the humiliation of having to be a beginner area random encounter, but also about how her whole thing just doesn't work against weak opponents: She steals moves from the party and then uses them against them, but she's only stolen dogshit beginner moves as of late, and it's getting to her. She stole [Aimed Shot] from a beginner Archer. [Aimed Shot]. Yeah I sure fucking hope you're aiming if you're using a bow. She also stole [Shield Bash] from a Brawler. Congratulations, you are using the shield as intended. She just up and left when she stole [Heavy Slice]. Didn't even give them loot.

She used to steal moves like [Earthborn Sun] and [Philosophy Of The Scorned], we NEED to do something. Her moveset sucks.

[natalieironside]

One time I was standing around outside with some ppl (idr what we were doing) and I was very very sleepy so I did a big dramatic yawn like a kitty cat.

And this lady came out of the group, very angry, amd shouted at me: "Hey! Cover your fucking mouth when you do that!"

I (1) had never before been told that one ought to cover one's mouth when one yawns and (2) was much too sleepy to conduct discourse on the matter, so I in socratic fashion replied ". . . What?"

And then she said a sentence that I will remember for the rest of my life. She said: "If you yawn without covering your mouth again, I will report you for sexual harassment."

To which I retorted: ". . . What?"

And she narrowed her eyes at me suspicious-like and said "I know what you're trying to do" and she walked away and I never saw her again.

To this day I wonder what indescretion I'm meant to have committed. Do I yawn hornily? Did I put too much cunt in my yawn and so got mistaken for some sort of yawn fetishist? I Do Not Know.

[hotvampireadjacent]

[crazy-brazilian]

[bumblebeebats]

Every time i purchase a moderately expensive item the Karl Marx on my shoulder is like "For shame... you purchase yet another pair of jeans when you have 5 already at home, you despicable commodity fetishist? In my time, a man with five outfits would consider himself blessed beyond measure, and yet you want for more, while there are children starving in the world??" to which the second Karl Marx on my other shoulder says "Objection! Those 5 pairs of jeans all wildly uncomfortable or have holes in the ass, due to the decline of clothing quality driven by the fast fashion industry, unfortunately making this purchase a necessity... Plus, by purchasing a slightly more expensive pair of jeans from an independent brand, seeking quality over 'brand recognition', they are deliberately trying to avoid engaging in conspicuous consumption!" to which the third Karl Marx clinging to my back like that beetle from Doctor Who says "Remember, my friend; the less you eat, drink, buy books, go to the theatre or to balls, or to the pub, and the less you think, love, theorize, sing, paint, fence, etc., the more you will be able to save and the greater will become your treasure which neither moth nor rust will corrupt — your capital. Buy the jeans," to which I say "I don't know if any of you have actually read Karl Marx"

[deltarebelsandpaper]

Harry Du Bois is that you???

[bumblebeebats]

[bumblebeebats]

You stay away from my balls