severe case of brainfart activity

@steflionheart's idea-dumping, rambling, ranting, and venting blog - expect utter chaos

[stef-rambles]

@steflionheart's idea dumping and rambling/ranting blog

basically, just a place for me to dump ideas or the weird stuff that's ghosting around my head, maybe sometimes rant or vent, maybe curse too, and anything else, really (this may also include nsfw sometimes, so beware)

expect utter chaos! 🤪

[stef-rambles]

haaaah sometimes I don't know why I even try at all...

[stef-rambles]

I think I've been reading too many manwhas and mangas lately bc I've been craving to write a nasty, angsty, hurt/no comfort fic about character A being head over heels for character B for years and years, longing and yearning for B's love and affection but at the same time being convinced that B will never reciprocate their feelings

but then one day A accidentally slips up and confesses their feelings to B (bc drunk, forced proximity, or something like that, yadda yadda) and B is first totally flustered and shocked but then like "hmmm, why not? let's try dating then!" and so they do

and first, A is completely over the moon bc come on! they're finally dating their long-time crush, who they thought would never love them back (which they don't yet, mind you), and now they're having this kind of... situationship going on but A's happy with it after feeling hopeless for so many years. they really cherish the little moments, even try to be bolder sometimes, like hugging B and even kissing them sometimes, but A tries their best to be considerate when B says they're not used to it yet and wanna take things slow, so basically rejecting A on almost all their advances

it goes on like this for several weeks, months even, A still completely smitten, tho slowly but surely reaching their limit in terms of intimacy. as in, they try to get physically closer to B but B still blocks A's advances to a point where it actually frustrates A very much. but they still don't let anything slip, they're patient, and just remind themselves that B is making an effort in trying to date them after all and that not everything has to be about the physical things (maybe add in them having to live together for whatever reason, just to make things especially complicated here just bc I like that thought 😏)

another few months pass by and nothing really changes. A tries and tries and tries but B doesn't let them, they don't go on proper dates, they don't meet very often, they pretty much live each their own lives. especially B isn't really willing to make time for A, mostly prioritizing others and other matters. it feels more like a friendship between house-/roommates than a relationship between lovers

and when A finally has the heart to speak up about all this, B insists that they're a real couple but that it's just hard for them to get used to it yet. B reassures A that they'll try harder and will make an effort just for A

cue to them going on a mediocre date, which has to be cut short bc B gets a call from a friend and leaves A in the middle of it saying "gotta go, my friends need me bc they wanna go out to drink"

A overthinking things then and finally asks a Friend for advice. Friend ofc tells them the harsh truth; that B is leading them on and seems to not actually want a relationship with A but probably just feels comfy with someone taking care of them and A doting on them, and that ofc shatters A's illusion and makes them see things a bit clearer

so A returns home that day, completely crushed but sober and ofc starts to withdraw and reduce their efforts put into that situationship from then on, simply bc they realized by now that this is not really your regular romantic relationship and especially not what they were hoping for. so they don't see a reason in still trying- and especially not wanting to force B into something they can't or don't want to give them

B does wonder at first bc A's been out late more often, spending time with their friends instead of trying to spend it with B or being more busy at college/their job, not leaving B any little notes or dinner/breakfast ready before they leave anymore, yadda yadda... but they don't pay it much mind, B just takes it as it is. and with B's behavior -as in, them not really caring much about the lack of time spent together with A- A realizes just how onesided all this "dating" thing has been and that nothing's really changed from the beginning; B will actually never reciprocate their feelings

A then starts looking for an apartment for themself and as they find one, they eventually gather all their courage and call in B for The Talk. B's like "oh, A probably wants to ask if we can go on a date or if we can get physical" or whatever, but A actually suggests that they break up and they'll move out and already found an apartment, bc they realized that this is not working and that B still doesn't love them

and B is completely taken aback, they weren't expecting this kind of talk at all. bc they didn't realize that it was going that bad and they were so sure of themself that they thought this would work out somehow. panic settling in, they try to convince A to stay but A refuses and just repeats that they already found an apartment and will be moving out by end of the month- and that it's final for them. A ends their conversation with the words "I still love you and I will probably always do. And precisely bc of that, I can't force you to love me back if you simply don't."

B mulls things over in their head that night, realizing what they've done wrong and that they've really been acting like a huge asshole, being inconsiderate of A's feelings and taking them for granted, even taking advantage of them. B loses sleep over thinking about if they love A or not and if they actually want to date and in the end come to the conlcusion that it's probably not yet love but that they do harbor some romantic affection for A and cherish them a lot

B tries to talk to A the next morning but they already left for college/their job and so B resolves to try and make things better between them; they prepare dinner, breakfast, leave little notes for A- just like they've done for B before. and ofc A notices and their resolve to leave starts to waver but they constantly remind themself that B is still not in love with them (which is still a fact at this point)

in the a little over three weeks A has left until they move into their new place, B tries harder than ever to keep things friendly between them. they even come home earlier from college/their job during the week or refuse going out with their friends on the weekends, just to spend some time with A, even suggests to watch a movie, eat dinner together etc.

the more time passes and the closer A's deadline of leaving approaches, the heavier B's heart gets. they really cherish each and every single moment spent with A by now, seeing them happily munching on their food or their face lighting up when seeing something interesting in a movie, the way they laugh and smile -even if not directed at B- it makes their heart flutter. the more days fly by and the more boxes filled with A's belongings appear in the hallway, the more painful it becomes for B bc they finally realize that they didn't just grow fond of A- no, they'd eventually fallen in love with them at this point

the day of A's move, B tries their hardest to stay as neutral as possible, as friendly and supporting as they can muster, bc after all- this was all their fault, so they have no right to intervene or ask for anything rn

but the heart wants what it wants and so the moment A picks up the last bags of their belongings, B just stands in the hallway, leaning against the wall as A turns around to say goodbye. A needs a moment, looking at B with a pained expression until B speaks up first

"I'm sorry for messing this up, I never meant to hurt you. And I know it's way too late for this but I... I realized fell in love with you."

A is taken aback and wavers, their heart beating fast and heavy and begging them to just hug B silly and stay and try again but their mind reminds them of how it was before and that they shouldn't trust B's words just like that

so, eventually, after long moments of silence, A answers "I love you and will always do- but I should leave now. This is for the best, for both of us."

as the door closes, B slowly slides down the wall, crying silently at first until they break down completely and sob loudly, all alone, regretting their actions that finally lead A to leave them for good - but they know they can't change a thing anymore

[stef-rambles]

6yo Gepard chasing after 5yo Sampo bc he dared to give Geppie a peck on his cheek

Geppie tries his best to catch him, as flustered as he is, but Sampo is one cheeky little brat, so he always manages to slip through Geppie's grabby hands until Sampo trips over an abandoned toy and Geppie literally throws himself on top of Sampo to keep him from escaping

but as Geppie hears a muffled 'owww...' underneath him, he gasps and immediately gets off Sampo's back, asking if he's okay as they both sit up

but Sampo being the sneaky little brat he is, just leans in, gives Geppie another quick peck on the other cheek before he takes off again, leaving a flustered and agitated Geppie behind

just a few moments later, Geppie jumps up and once again chases after Sampo while furiously yelling his name

the teachers watching just shake their heads, chuckling, before eventually catching both of them and punishing them with silent work in a separate, quiet room for making a ruckus

and when the teachers come back to get them after 15 minutes, they find a pouting Sampo as well as a scowling Geppie, who's eagerly covering his cheeks with both hands to keep Sampo from giving him yet another kiss

[stef-rambles]

sampard brainrot of the day:

Sampo finding a pretty silver earring with a cute small aquamarine + sapphire pendant, really just a tiny + almost plain accessory, but all the more reminding him of Gepard, so ofc he has to get it + gift it to Geppie

and Gepard wears it every single day after that

everyone notices -bc since when does the Captain wear jewelry?- but no one dares to say a word

except Serval, who bluntly asks him who he got it from + as Gepard tries to stutter his way out of giving her a straight answer, face flushed, she just smirks + says "they have great taste, it suits you"

he just blushes harder + mumbles a shy "th-thank you" then

bonus:

when Sampo catches a glimpse of Gepard somewhere out of the shadows, he immediately smiles like a lovestruck fool, seeing that his beloved is actually wearing his gifted earring- and even proudly so :]

[stef-rambles]

isn't it sad seeing strangers show more interest in the things you do than your friends?

[stef-rambles]

did I manage to continue my one and only sampard fic from 1 1/2 years ago? yup.

did I actually finish writing the whole 2nd ch.? yesss, 1st draft done, only beta reading left.

did I, once again, go completely overboard with the wordcount? you bet.

am I happy about it and already excited to start with the 3rd ch.? heck yea, I am!

so yea... I guess there's an update to be expected of my "Ways to Avoid Getting Arrested" fic in the next week or so \o/

[stef-rambles]

it's honestly still super baffling to me how fast people just forget about you, especially if you're not the one reaching out first (or even if you do, which is even worse then)

but that's just what happens with unimportant stuff, I guess

it gets forgotten

[stef-rambles]

I just woke up but the wind breaker brainrot is already going strong again and I'm... this is baaaaad 😩 (in a good way, no worries)

so lemme just, real quick, share this hc...

Suo Hayato is a tease in every sense and situation, he rarely shows anything other than cordiality and aloofness, always bringing out either the best or the worst in the person he's facing, depending on who they are

he does and can feel a whole lot of emotions but he just always decides that it's best not to show or act on them or give his opponents any chance to slip past this carefully crafted mask he's created over years and years of practice

this also applies to how he acts towards the person(s) close to his heart, his loved ones, altho letting his mask and walls down more often around them, ofc, and especially when they're all alone and no one else can witness this

he then gets softer and absolutely genuine in his kindness, showing real affection and much stronger emotions towards his loved one

and he loves to flirt! ofc, he does. he loves to tease, to see them blush and get all flustered (especially Sakura), and he loves to just shower them with compliments and positive affirmations

(and I'm gonna seize the opportunity and continue with SuoSaku here)

yet, the moment Sakura finally snaps and flirts back, it's over for Suo. literally.

he'll freeze up, eye wide in shock, and cheeks flushing in an absolutely adorable shade of pink as he gapes at Sakura, the diligently created mask completely cracking and every emotion he's currently going through, evidently showing on his face, features changing ever so slightly from surprised to confused to incredulous; until they slowly morph into something softer, something lovelier, like, fascination, adoration, and fondness. he would even be completely smitten with Sakura while also being reminded of just how captivating he is in the first place

Suo would then simply proceed to laugh softly before closing the distance between them and capturing Sakura in a tight hug, heart racing and skin pleasantly tingling with all the beautiful emotions surging through his body

but only until Sakura starts squirming and eventually snaps bc the situation is getting too much for him as he scolds Suo for surprising him like that, while Suo just fondly laughs about it and slowly regains his composure

but he'll definitely think about it later again 🤭

[stef-rambles]

started watching the wind breaker anime some weeks ago and got so hooked on it that I immediately switched to the manga and boiii...

I'm literally done for. like, I'm such a goner for the story in general and all the characters...

there are just so many amazing characters and ships and I cAN'T DECIDE WHICH ONE'S MY FAV YET BC THEY'RE ALL JUST SO GOOD ugh

but there's one ship that already grew so much on me and it's, ofc, a throuple (yea, no shit sherlock, this is me we're talking about after all)

anyway...

lemme rant about SuoSakuNirei for a bit to get this outta my system 😩 (I hope I got the ship name right, pls forgive me if not 🥲)

I'll try to keep it spoiler free but I won't guarantee it, so pls beware, just in case

I can totally see how they complement one another with their personality traits and abilities, and while I can absolutely see Nirei being completely upfront about stuff, like how he mostly is, Suo would, ofc, be the one teasing all the time (duh!), and Sakura would just be his flustered and blushy, bratty self (he's so cute pls 😩)

yet, the moment a situation gets serious or they're in a fight, one can easily notice how much they respect, value, and depend on each other. they'd work together in synch, like clockwork, and nobody would even be able to so much as breathe into any of their direction bc they would always have each others' backs and protect one another

but I can also totally picture them enjoy spending time and being silly together, and to just relax in each other's company during their off times

Suo would probably read a book in silence with a soft and content smile on his lips, while casually drinking tea, and absentmindedly stroking Nirei's hair, whose head is laying on Suo's lap

and Nirei would excitedly update Sakura about all the new info the blonde has gathered about whoever he got the chance to observe in their last fights or during whichever meeting they had, while gesturing wildly with his notebook in hand and more than once almost knocking it against Suo's head, who simply dodges it

Sakura, on the other hand, would sit across them both, stiff and upright with arms crossed over his chest, and cheeks flushed in a most beautiful shade of scarlet as he desperately tries his best not to combust whenever he sneaks a peek at Suo and Nirei. and all the while an internal fight is raging in his mind about whether he wants to join them or tries to convince himself that that's bullshit and he's certainly gone insane now, bc how could he actually want that?! (a.k.a. affection 😒)

but they'd still challenge each other, especially Sakura with his cheeky mouth would still constantly blabber about wanting to fight Suo and Nirei, too

and Suo would tease Sakura until he'd lunge at him but Nirei would immediately scold them both to cut the crap and yes– they would actually listen to him 🤭

or they would settle on arm-wrestling, which would end in Sakura literally combusting and sputtering incoherent words and sentences bc Nirei won against him –by unfair means– bc Suo told Nirei beforehand to surprise Sakura by suddenly giving him a kiss before he could win 🤭

and it would all end up in Nirei and Suo laughing wholeheartedly as Sakura only watches them, stunned to silence, while his mind's reeling, the same word repeating itself over and over in there

*cute*

before he startles, blushes furiously, and hastily stumbles out of the room bc he's totally overwhelmed by his emotions...

🥹🥹🥹

[stef-rambles]

[stef-rambles]

she's tired, but she's strong because she still gets up every morning

she's drained, but she's strong because she keeps on giving

she's growing numb, but she's strong because she keeps on smiling and laughing

she's not enjoying the things anymore that usually bring her joy, but she's strong because she keeps on doing them

she's slowly falling apart, but she's strong because she still looks put together

she's not herself anymore, but she's strong because she's still the same for everyone around her

she's not okay, but she's strong because she doesn't show it

she's strong, no doubt, going through all those hard times and yet, she keeps getting up and giving and smiling and going on and pretending

but did you know...

did you know that she's tired because she had to be strong and still get up every morning?

did you know that she's drained because she had to be strong and kept on giving?

did you know that she's growing numb because she had to be strong and kept on smiling and laughing?

did you know that she's not enjoying the things anymore that usually bring her joy because she had to be strong and kept on doing them?

did you know that she's slowly falling apart because she had to be strong and still look put together?

did you know that she's not herself anymore because she had to be strong and still be the same for everyone around her?

did you know that she's not okay because she had to be strong and not show it?

did you know that... that she's not strong anymore?

did you know that... that she's tired and drained and numb and not enjoying the things that bring her joy and that she's falling apart and not herself and not okay anymore?

did you know that...?

if that's the price for being called strong, she doesn't want to be strong anymore

she rather be weak and fragile because maybe then...

maybe then... people would care a bit more

maybe then... people would notice all those things slowly weakening her

maybe then... she would be a tiny bit happier and not feeling so alone and lost anymore

[stef-rambles]

CW suggestive language and mentions of doing the do (nsfw), pls read at your own discretion

so...

ratiorine ewb (enemies with benefits), in the middle of doing it — but this time ratio is gentler than usual, taking his time and mostly concentrating on aventurine's pleasure, altho still very much overstimulating him and simply continuing to have his way with the blonde, while also saying things like "you're so beautiful" or "you're mine, only mine" and even kinda confessing that he actually fell for aventurine at one point— and he does it all rather casually while they're still in the middle of it

but for aventurine, it only sinks in a few days later during one of his gambling sprees as he thinks back to that encounter, which causes him to freeze and then panic, and hence, ignoring ratio for the following days and even weeks

and then— ratio thinking that aventurine has now finally gone insane as they meet by accident and the blonde just flees as if he's seen a ghost, stammering something about having an urgent mission he's gotta leave for immediately— just bc he's still very much shaken by the fact that he'd actually smiled broadly and felt giddy as he first remembered what ratio said before he went into panic mode 😌

[stef-rambles]

okay but like, this has been haunting me all day yesterday already, alas why I had to at least write it out somehow, and today it's not better, so I'm well aware I'll have to turn it into a fic at one point but like... brain not properly braining rn bc burnt out, so....... how?!

*sighs in frustration* 😩

[stef-rambles]

CW suggestive language and mentions of doing the do (nsfw), pls read at your own discretion

so...

ratiorine ewb (enemies with benefits), in the middle of doing it — but this time ratio is gentler than usual, taking his time and mostly concentrating on aventurine's pleasure, altho still very much overstimulating him and simply continuing to have his way with the blonde, while also saying things like "you're so beautiful" or "you're mine, only mine" and even kinda confessing that he actually fell for aventurine at one point— and he does it all rather casually while they're still in the middle of it

but for aventurine, it only sinks in a few days later during one of his gambling sprees as he thinks back to that encounter, which causes him to freeze and then panic, and hence, ignoring ratio for the following days and even weeks

and then— ratio thinking that aventurine has now finally gone insane as they meet by accident and the blonde just flees as if he's seen a ghost, stammering something about having an urgent mission he's gotta leave for immediately— just bc he's still very much shaken by the fact that he'd actually smiled broadly and felt giddy as he first remembered what ratio said before he went into panic mode 😌

[limoncello-kiss-deactivated2024]

[stef-rambles]

yet another one of stef's "what if" thoughts before going to sleep \o/

what if...

...the gem imbedded on Alhaitham's chest glows when he's excited or happy or even aroused — simply when he experiences any kind of positive emotion but people think it means he's extra cranky and pissed off bc he scowls more than usual 🤔

and!

...it glows the brightest whenever the General Mahamatra is around or they're interacting, so people are convinced they hate each other with a passion when in fact—

it's the exact opposite and only Cyno knows, who secretly smirks to himself whenever he notices it 😌

[stef-rambles]

it's honestly still super baffling to me how fast people just forget about you, especially if you're not the one reaching out first (or even if you do, which is even worse then)

but that's just what happens with unimportant stuff, I guess

it gets forgotten