la vie en rose

∘ Stephanie Hwang ∘ California to Korea ∘ Fashion designer ∘ aim | soumettre 「désistement | avertissement」

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Can’t sleep, I’m wasted, wasted Can’t stand still, I’m shaking over you

[just-nine]

[nacholatkes-deactivated20151014]

Let's do a weird headcanon thing.

[stephhwang]

1. What they smell like: She’s very selective when it comes to fragrance — perfume, lotion, cleansers, candles, incense. When it comes to personal fragrances such as perfume, she tends to choose those with either subtle floral notes or  clean/crisp notes. Any of the ‘classic’ scents (such as Chanel No. 5) give her a raging migraine. As for her home and office, she favors natural scents like freesia, peony, bergamot, lavender, verbena, etc.

2. How they sleep (sleeping position, schedule, etc): She usually sleeps on her back or her left side, rarely does she sleep facing down in fear of the pressure put on her face (to prevent wrinkles and swelling) and waking up with a stiff neck. Due to her work schedule, and the traveling she does, it’s difficult to set a sleep schedule. Besides dealing with jet lag often, she also suffers from moderate insomnia. All of which contribute to her spotty sleep pattern.

3. What music they enjoy: Many genres of music fill her playlists, but she does favor a few. At any given moment she’d chose indie rock, alternative rock, pop, r & b, hip hop, edm, and ocassionally kpop. Some of her favorite artists include: Beyonce, Drake, Artic Monkeys, The 1975, Maroon 5, Cage the Elephant, The Killers, Kings of Leon, John Legend,  Rain, Mary J Blige, Deorro, Kygo, Duke Dumont, R3hab, Shaun Frank.

4. How much time they spend getting ready every morning: If she has the time to spare in the morning it could take anywhere between thirty minutes to an hour getting ready. However, there are times she can’t help but hit the snooze button and this results in her waking up late. She’s mastered the art of the effortless boho chic look for the days she’s running late. It’s a whole different level on the days she has an event to attend, though. She'll deal with her wardrobe, but will leave hair and makeup to her stylist to be photo ready.

5. Their favorite thing to collect: Without a doubt, Stephanie loves collecting shoes. Any of her close friends will agree that her shoe collection is impressive, and somewhat borderline unhealthy in some ways. There’s an entire wall in her walk-in closet dedicated to housing most of her shoes. A few pairs she considers display worthy are on shelves in her room.

6. Left or right-handed: Right handed, but she has taught herself to use her left hand after fracturing her right wrist back in middle school.

7. Religion (if any): Her parents shared the Christian faith with her growing up, but she doesn’t practice any religion as an adult.

8. Favorite sport: She’s not very keen on participating in or watching many sports. Ocassionally she attends baseball games with friends, and often plays golf or tennis out of compromise with business partners. Her only physical activity by choice is cardio five days a week. Prescribed to her for countering the moderate insomnia she suffers.

9. Favorite touristy thing to do when traveling: Taking lots of pictures to document her trip. She’s fairly active on social media and shares most of her pictures/videos on Snapchat, Instagram, and Twitter.

10. Favorite kind of weather: Growing up in California she’s had favorable weather nearly all year around, making it hard to chose a season. Since moving to Korea though, she enjoys Autumn and Spring the most. Coincidentally, those are also peak seasons for fashion designers.

11. A weird/obscure fear they have: Perhaps not actually a fear, but she finds being around children a bit unsettling. More specifically infants and toddlers. That age group marks some of the most crucial years of development for children and is also when they’re most fragile. She has very little experience with  children in general. 

12. The carnival/arcade game they always win without fail: “The claaawww~” Claw machines are her favorite and she has a lot of practice winning prizes.

[kyungsoomd]

r u n .

[stephhwang]

kyungsoomd

r u n .

The constant squeaking of Kyungsoo’s heavy footsteps against the hall’s newly polished floors brought about an echoing alarm to anyone from afar, a cue for every patient and staff member walking along to step away and pave a passable path to the nearest exit like a fire truck would. He could feel his heart pounding over his shirt as his adrenaline fueled him in this sprint, making a mad dash with comical hindrances such as jumping over used oxygen tanks from the stock room and resembling a human pinball with the way he hit almost every single elderly woman waiting for their turn outside a geriatric specialist’s office. There was virtually nothing that could stop him this time, not when he could say with conviction that she was certainly within his reach.

His feet have led him to an open space, the middle from three different halls branching out to each side of the hospital. At this point, he could hear the ringing in his ears and the fatigue letting its bearing be felt on his ragged breaths. All the running made his head spin, causing him to temporarily forget the right route. The envelope was slowly getting crumpled from the way he held it in the middle, leaving a crease the size of his thumb. Apprehension grew evident as he stood there for a few seconds, contemplating which side to take to meet her halfway. With a blatant curse, he ran towards what his gut screamed for, and it was the hall on the left.

And my, was he ever so right with that. Because as he skidded across, he arrives at his final destination, seemingly unnoticed and disconnected with what reality was shoving at his face now. It was her. Stephanie Hwang, head tilted to reveal her side profile, as youthful as he remembered her, with the aesthetic falling of papers around her like confetti. It was that split-second frame that fate allowed him to see, the relief that his senses were correct in assuming this time, but it was also that split-second frame that shattered him, gluing his feet to the ground temporarily, in fear of what’s to come. Yes, he may have pictured this moment in his head a dozen times, where he’d storm off to her and offer a piece of his mind. Or one where he would intentionally ignore her, walk past like she ceased to exist the moment she stopped appearing in his life.

None of those materialized since the moment he laid his eyes on her.

His mouth ran dry and his legs went weak, wishing they didn’t exert as much effort to get there and wanting to drag themselves out from the lack of response from he who commanded them to stay put. Refusing his dread to get the best of him, Kyungsoo took small steps, while he watched her gather those papers whilst on her knees. It was too late when it came to his attention that he walked too fast and too eager, until one long step was left before he’d reach her vision’s scope to reveal himself.

“Looking for something?” The silence breaks, waiting to snap the woman from her daze. He bit on his inner cheek as he stood there, beads of sweat threatening to trickle down on his temples with the envelope now disfigured to a different shape, but with the unread letter still intact.

“Maybe I can help.”

The background noise of the crowded, hectic hospital was not nearly enough to drown out the tone of the familiar voice that resonated in Stephanie’s ears. She froze, even more so frozen than she was already if it were humanly possible. Her gaze stay fixated on the automatic glass doors a few meters ahead, the exit she had so frantically been searching for, her only means of escape from the individual beside her. She didn’t need to turn around and face the other to confirm what she already knew. That low tremble of a voice was embedded into her memories from the countless conversations held between the two, and although it had been months since she’d last heard his voice it made no difference. Time could not erase how she remembered the tone of his vocals, the details of his visage, and the image of his person in its entirety. 

It took a moment for her to realize she was just standing there, motionless. Awkwardly. And her body was unresponsive to her mental commands to move, speak, even blink. If it weren’t for her body’s natural rythm she might have forgotten to breathe as well. Not that her shallow, quickened respiration at the moment was any better than not breathing altogether. 

Move. Speak. Do not run away. 

What seemed like an eternity and a minute went on before she came out of the daze she was in, finally turning calmly to face the estranged friend beside her. Do Kyungsoo, seemingly untouched by the hands of time in all his familiar splendor. The corners of her rosy lips pulled upwards into a smile, her eyes narrowing on command into her usual ‘eye smile’ as other’s called it.  

❝ No, I’m not looking for anything. I’m just passing through. There’s an exit right there. That’s what I was looking for and now I found it, so I don’t need any help. I’m surprised to see you here at the hospital. I mean, not really because you’re a doctor and doctors work in hospitals and this is a hospital... ❞ Her voice trailed off slowly as she fixed her gaze on the disfigured envelope in his hand. Without a doubt, the motive behind his appearance. 

❝ Help me look for my dignity. ❞ She intoned, as humoursly as she possibly could after her idiotic rant. Her shoulders slumped slightly and the smile she’d managed to plaster on dissappeared. She hadn’t thought this through enough. Well, she had gone through various scenarios all in her head of the moment she would encounter Kyungsoo. None of which resulted in him being so calm and composed when they ran into each other again. 

It almost seemed unfair how unbothered he appeared to be in front of her. She was having difficutly reading him, and it was rattling her within. She deserved to be recieved with a much colder attitude, questioned for her sudden dissapperance, and doubted for the sincerity behind her return. Yet, none of the above was being carried out. In every scenario she had imagined they all ended with him walking past and ignoring her without as much as a glance in her direction. 

❝ I’m sorry — I shouldn’t have showed up like this and given you that letter, pretending everything is alright and that I didn’t do anything wrong dissappearing the way I did. ❞ She sighed, stopping herself before another rant. All the scrambled thoughts in her head threatened to spill from her mouth if she said another word.

[oneqeightyfour]

The thing I’m most afraid of is me. Of not knowing what I’m going to do. Of not knowing what I’m doing right now.

1Q84, Haruki Murakami, pg 294 (via oneqeightyfour)

[gilmoresgifs]

[kyungsoomd]

r u n .

A paper would never be misplaced in the hands of Do Kyungsoo, the elder residents would say. It would never be ignored, for he was the type to go about, to check and recheck as though his conscience wouldn’t rest and the fall of humanity was at stake if he was unable to sort them. He was that type of an obsessive compulsive when it came to work, to matters of significance in the line he wanted to pursue. He was aiming for a seat at the executive board, aiming for the tenure and the privileges because he had every right to receive them. For as long as he could remember, his service to the hospital was sufficient to be granted of it, but unfortunately, it wasn’t brought up in the meetings just yet. He was waiting for that final push to ask, or to be bold enough to quit and start elsewhere. To be bold enough to handle it on his own.

So when he was informed of a meeting to be held, three halls to the left of one floor above his, he immediately confirmed his attendance in it. It was two hours away, the clock ticking as fast as his pulse was, finding the minutes to arrive surprisingly slow this time around. Why does the waiting game have to play tricks with one’s head? Like it slows down just when it’s badly needed it to be the opposite? He paced back and forth, keeping his hands busy in the hopes of ‘losing track of time’ until the hourglass has finished its last drop. But time was swindling serpent, robbing him of that hope when after visiting three patients and even having a lengthy chat with the E.R. personnel, 45 minutes was all he managed to kill.

With squeaky steps (because of the worst piece of shoes he has ever purchased by far in this lifetime), he stood in front of his office, the white coat draped over his shoulder as he began unbuttoning his cuffs. “Any news for me today?” He aimlessly calls out to any nurse that was hopefully not ignoring him being busy with the noon shift for orders of TPNs to administer. Luckily, one was headed his way, handing over an envelope in his then open palm. “What’s this,” he asked, discarding the coat altogether since the load was getting heavy with one arm straining from it. The nurse barely gives an audible explanation as to who gave it, but what was clear was the sender left just minutes after he arrived.

‘The Doctor’, it read in cursive script, and while the penmanship was neat, his thoughts were not. They were scattered, as the greeting was enough to make him lose some stability on his feet, stepping sideways to lean against the door’s frame for support. H o w ? Why? And why now? Now, of all times? Of all days? Stubborn as she similarly was, the letter was barely read since he focused on the signature and the signature alone. His eyes ran over the line again and again, reassuring himself that it wasn’t that Benadryl® he took in the morning showing him spurs of colorful sedation. The mere fact that she responded to his letter spoke volumes, drowning him back into the vortex he thought he had escaped from, and only then did it dawn upon him.

The sender left just minutes after he arrived.

The sender left just minutes after he arrived.

                      One more time.

The. 

     Sender. 

              Left. 

         Just.         Minutes. 

                         After.     He.       Arrived.

     ▻ ♫

He may have wasted a couple more thanks to his foolish redundancy, but he refused to permit another dissipate without him doing something.

                              A n y t h i n g .

Without looking back, envelope at hand, he scrambled off to the elevator, reminding himself to remember every single emergency evacuation orientation he had attended so he could reach the exit, to be right on time for these things for once.

[stephhwang]

Without looking behind, Stephanie scrambled into the elevator amongst the cover of the small crowd joining her. She clenched and unclenched her hands at her sides repeatedly, trying to gain back feeling in said extremities. As the feeling returned to her hands, so did the nervous trembling and sweaty palms. Anxiety flooded her senses, followed by a decent amount of regret and uncertainty. It wasn’t too late to run back and take the letter.

The elevator doors slid open a little too fast for her liking, obligating her to step out and allow the others behind her to exit as well. Her legs felt heavy as she made her way along the fluorescent lit corridor. She debated returning upstairs and stealthily stealing the letter. Admittedly, a flawed plan since she risked running into the recipient anywhere along the way. She groaned inwardly, not able to bear with her own irrational thoughts any longer. Had she thought this whole scenario through a bit more she wouldn’t find herself running off so cowardly. Perhaps she was doing the wrong thing by leaving that letter, it seemed so selfish now that she thought about it. Who was it really for? The way she saw it, she would benefit more and it almost seemed unfair of her to leave such a tardy response. Now, she was up to her neck in uncertainty. Anxiety, sleep depravation, and jet lag. The perfect combination for the over thinking human being.

At last, the exit was within sight and meters away. Her posture straighted as she took longer strides, walking hastily to freedom from the bustling hospital. Neglecting her peripheral vision brought her to collide with a white coat, another individual who shared the same haste she did. Her eyes widened in dismay as the other’s belongings cluttered the ground around them. She bowed apologetically to the smaller female before kneeling down along with her to gather what she could in her hands. Judging by the amont of notes splayed on the linoleum floor she’d say the other was a busy resident with less caution than herself at the moment. After clearing the ground of dozens of sheets of paper, she stood upright to hand the small stack of notes to their owner.

❝ Ah, free of any bruises, broken bones, and papercuts. Sorry to disappoint, you didn’t manage to find a patient. ❞  

Her banter was aimed to lighten the awkward air between the two, and although occupied sorting her belongings, it earned an airy giggle from the medical student. A quick glance over the white coat on the smaller female’s frame served as a reminder to continue walking. A heightened sense of urgency washed over her and her gaze fumbled about to find the exit again. 

[coral]

Time is the longest distance between two places.

Tennessee Williams, The Glass Menagerie (via feellng)

[classicallyincomplete]

First love, never forgotten.

[bedfordaniel]

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Still by The Japanese House; produced by Matty Healy and George Daniel of The 1975

[1-800-111-4444]

My desires in a relationship have changed over time. I no longer want someone who promises to always love me and never leave me, I need someone who understands that life happens and sometimes things don’t work out. I don’t want someone who sugar coats things and never gets angry with me, I need someone to tell me how it really is and put me in my place. I need to be able to go five hours without talking to you and not feel lost or incomplete. I am complete without you. But with you, I want to be so much better. I want to be stronger with you. I want us to grow together and help each other grow individually. I don’t need you, but I really fucking want you. And this may not work out, but the fact that you understand all of this and this how our relationship works, makes me think we’ve got a pretty good shot.

(via teapenny)

[musical-blog]

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Strawberry Swing by Coldplay

[astrinae-deactivated20181120]

There were two of them now, and she was in no place to argue. A small crowd had already gathered where Jisoo seemingly looked the villain. Which in this case, she was! Had she not been so careless. The writer peered at her two prosecutors and something stood out about the smaller one. She was a beautiful woman - no taller than her own frame, but a contrast was clear between the designer and collegiate. She must’ve been the shop owner and heck, a refined one at that. If Jisoo knew of basic etiquette well this woman could teach her bound.

❝ —Step inside,❞ she says. A voice kinder than the first. Guilt suddenly took over from the unintentional act of theft. Jisoo was just dreaming, really, of a her that could come close to this woman who (despite being in front of her), seemed miles away from within reach.

Growing up in a boys’ orphanage had certainly led to the inevitable.

❝ I swear, I’m not who you think I am. I just really liked how it looked and thought maybe, I could wear things like this too…❞

She paused. Her eyes were somewhere else now. The floor, the shoes, whatever she could look at upon dropping her head to apologize. Shame replaced Jisoo altogether, as she flushed a shade of pink from having rambled without reason. Would they really believe her pathetic excuse for an anecdote? As always, imagining the worst had better ups to feigning hope.

[stephhwang]

» The whispers from the group of bystanders gathered around the shop slowly grew to a low murmur. Ignoring the small crowd, Stephanie ushered the shop attendant into the boutique and gestured gently for the younger female to follow along. It was the first time she'd dealt with any form of shoplifting. The shop attendants usually handled  these situations without her assistance. It seemed like this particular attendant lacked the ability to speak with tact, though. Additionally, she wanted to avoid bringing the authorities into her place of business for such a trivial matter.

❝ The mannequins in the front window need to be switched out. ❞ She instructed firmly, making sure her tone left no room for discussion between the attendant and herself. Anything to keep the shop attendant busy so she could deal with the younger woman quietly.

❝ I believe you. You could have easily ran off with the blouse, but you didn't-- That blouse, by the way, would look fabulous on you. Did you try it on? ❞ A gentle smile graced her features as she spoke, showing that she was in no way disconcerted.

The designer tried to make small talk to cut through the tense atmosphere between them. Judging by the way she avoided eye contact, it became apparent to Stephanie that the younger woman didn't have any malicious intentions. It was possible she was being too lenient on the other, but she couldn't think of a better way to handle the issue at hand.

[gwonn]

"So is there a bet involved or were you in need of company? Truth be told, if I had not been so engrossed in my thoughts, I’d have approached you too. Maybe. Okay, probably not, but I did get you to smile." Strangers immediately led to an awkward atmosphere, but with the little bit of alcohol in his system, Jiwon was more laid back than usual, chuckling along with her soft chimes of laughter. "So..do you come here often— you know what, how about you tell me your story." With a nervous laugh, he sat back with his arms crossed over his chest, ordering another drink and gesturing to the bartender to add another for the miss.

[stephhwang]

"A bit of both, honestly. I'm not a fan of hanging around the same crowd for too long, and the bet gave me an excuse to wander. Hm, is that so? You did coax a smile out of me, I'll give you that." Admittedly, she didn't have trouble chatting up strangers. The influence of alcohol only enabled her ability to strike up conversations more so than usual. "How original-- Actually, I don't come here often. I'm not new around here, but I can't say I'm a local yet either." A soft chime of laughter left her rosy hued lips before she extended her right hand out to him. "Sorry, I haven't introduced myself properly. I'm Stephanie." 

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Take risks. If you win you will be happy; if you lose you will be wise.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[vitruvians]

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When you kiss me heaven sighs, and though I close my eyes  I see La Vie En Rose 

[vincecartersisgone-deactivated2]

collections that are raw as fuck ➝ elie saab f/w 2014-15