she's a rattlesnake

head in the clouds, talking chaos.

[stereosmindgame]

𐙚⋆°｡⋆♡ 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘰𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘨𝘢𝘮𝘦, a writing sideblog sporadically penned by ginger.

main blog . open starters . desired storylines .

[parisgoodbyes]

he knew what she meant , it didn't mean he wanted to go along with it . he actions were nobody else's business . if her family had moved on then so should everyone . at the end of the day , it was her parents who had lost someone significant and there was reason behind her decision that night , a decision that marked the both of their lives forever . he had killed his own father months before the disappearance of her brother . they had blood on their hands long before they knew what to do with it . he never thought he was capable of it . now he can't seem to stop . looking into her eyes , down the bridge of her nose to the slight curve of full lips , he strains the ability to smile i return but fails , shaking his head before glancing out towards the window where the rain continued to melt down . nodding once , he reaches for her hand and leads the way out of the room and toward the exit , leaving fate in their hands and hoping that if anything were to go down in response to what he had done , he'd be the only one to suffer from it . this was his way of telling her that he did , indeed , trust her . "tell your friend to keep us updated ."

[stereosmindgame]

she  looks  at  their  joined  hands  and  it  almost  feels  absurd. the  blood,  the  rain,  the  corpse  they  were  leaving  behind.  and  yet  the  trust  that  has  bloomed  between  them  unsettled  her  most,  because  for  people  like  them,  it  was  always  easier  to  carry  guilt.  the  corner  of  her  mouth  softens  into  something  faintly  bittersweet  as  she  allows  him  to  lead  her  through  the  corridor.  “ i  will. ”  the  storm  greets  them  the  moment  they  step  outside,  rain  cascading  from  the  heavens  as  she  unfurls  her  umbrella  overhead.  her  phone  vibrates  in  her  pocket  with  a  single  message  :  on  my  way.  relief  settles  beneath  her  ribs,  subtle  but  undeniable.  the  wheels  were  set  in  motion  and  there  was  nothing  left  for  them  to  do  except  leave.  for  once,  she  allows  herself  to  relinquish  control.  her  gaze  lifts  to  sanders.  how  strange  that  after  all  these  years  it  would  come  to  this,  the  two  of  them  carrying  the  weight  of  another  secret  between  them.  she  reaches  up,  thumb  brushing  a  dark  fleck  from  the  line  of  his  jaw,  gesture  lingering.  “ you  know, ”  she  murmurs  softly,  corner  of  her  mouth  curving  faintly,  “ for  someone  so  determined  to  make  reckless  decisions  alone,  you’re  remarkably  bad  at  it. ”  then,  before  caution  can  intervene,  she  leans  forward.  the  kiss  is  brief,  quiet,  a  confession  disguised  as  gratitude.  when  she  pulls  away,  her  eyes  remain  fixed  on  his.  “ thank  you. ”  the  words  foreign  on  her  tongue,  yet  dangerously  sincere.

[parisgoodbyes]

she'd been complimented her entire life but for some reason , it meant more coming from him . people fed nice things to her , giving her ego a pat on the back . she was kind , she was loyal and she was infuriating all at once , but she cared for people as long as they cared for her and she'd do everything in her power to remain in good graces with those who taught her about herself . who cared enough to care for her instead of belittling her . though she wasn't the smartest in her class , miles never made her feel stupid . he handled her with such grace and pride , it fluttered the butterflies in her stomach in a way her boyfriend never could . "you're probably right ," she laughs , nodding her head . "i would have given up in the first five seconds , but see ? at least i'm well aware of my faults . me and computers are not friends , but i do know the best shade complexion for your makeup if you ever needed a foundation match ." tongue pushes to the corner of her mouth to alieviate the need to keep smiling around him , but fails as her lips split into a grin . "seriously . i can even give you the best haircut of your life ." cosmetology school had been the goal . get through this semester , graduate and see to it that she follows her dreams instead of following in her mother's footsteps . "what do you say , i give you a make over for helping me out with this tonight ?" there's a long standing pause looking into his eyes , cheeks running red as features soften and her heart beats so hard , she's scared he could hear it . "why are you so nice to me ?"

[stereosmindgame]

he  barks  out  a  laugh  at  the  image  of  himself  sitting  in  a  salon  chair  while  isla  hovered  over  him  armed  with  scissors  and  unsolicited  confidence.  “ that’s  terrifying,  actually, ”  he  shakes  his  head  as  he  looks  back  at  the  screen,  though  the  smile  on  his  face  refuses  to  disappear.  “ i  trust  you  with  the  website.  my  hair ?  that’s  where  i  draw  the  line. ”  it’s  easier  to  joke  than  acknowledge  the  warmth  spreading  through  his  chest,  easier  than  admitting  he’d  probably  agree  to  almost  anything  if  she  were  the  one  asking.  then  comes  the  question :  why  are  you  so  nice  to  me ?  the  words  settle  between  them  with  startling  intimacy.  for  a  moment,  he  forgets  about  the  website  entirely.  his  gaze  finds  hers  again,  and  there  it  is  again  —  that  familiar,  inexorable  pull  he’s  been  fighting  since  he  was  twelve  years  old  and  saw  isla  murray  for  the  first  time.  the  years  between  then  and  now  felt  compressed  into  a  single  heartbeat.  different  classrooms,  different  friends,  different  worlds.  despite  it  all,  he  never  quite  escaped  her  orbit.  because  i  love  you.  the  answer  arrives  effortlessly,  but  the  problem  is  he  can’t  say  it.  instead,  he  glances  away  first,  fingers  absentmindedly  tracing  the  edge  of  the  table.  “ i  don’t  know, ”  a  lie,  not  particularly  a  convincing  one  either.  “ maybe  because  you’re  one  of  the  few  people  in  this  town  who  doesn’t  treat  me  like  i’m  planning  world  domination  every  time  i  open  a  laptop. ”  a  beat  passes.  “ and  despite  overwhelming  evidence  to  the  contrary,  i  happen  to  think  you’re  pretty  easy  to  be  nice  to. ”  his  eyes  lift  back  to  hers,  the  teasing  remaining,  but  softer  now.  “ don’t  let  that  go  to  your  head,  though.  your  ego’s  already  operating  at  dangerous  levels. ” 

[parisgoodbyes]

"sure ," is all she says , keeping her eyes on the moving trees . wondering what it would feel like to just let go and let god . a god she wasn't sure even existed . lost faith a long time ago , at an adolescent age where everything was new and fresh , but bradley had seen it for what it was before they had a name for it . at the sound of his voice again , the corner of her mouth lifts into something uncertain . unkind . famished . starved . she couldn't care less about the man she left behind , "i knew who he was ." she tells him , plain and simple . she didn't need him to remind her of that . self-loathing came effortlessly , it wasn't something she tapped into when things didn't go her way . homme wasn't the one to deem her unworthy of anything , especially love . no one could love her . she saw it every time she stared in the mirror , left with marks of men who used her body in order to feed her own addiction then run home to their families pretending like nothing happened . prime example being the man sat beside her . "just drive , stephen . or you can pull over and let me out ."

[stereosmindgame]

the  muscles  in  his  jaw  flex  once,  twice,  before  he  exhales  slowly  through  his  nose  and  keeps  his  eyes  fixed  on  the  road  ahead,  city  lights  bleeding  across  the  windshield.  of  course  she  knew  who  adrian  was  —  that  wasn’t  the  point.  the  point  was  that  she’d  known  and  gone  anyway,  the  same  way  she  always  wandered  toward  things  capable  of  destroying  her.  his  grip  tightens  around  the  steering  wheel  as  she  gives  him  the  choice  to  pull  over  and  let  her  out.  he  doesn’t  slow  down,  doesn’t  even  consider  it.  “ no, ”  his  answer  arrives  immediate.  then  he  laughs,  a  humorless  sound  trapped  in  his  throat.  “ you  know  what’s  really  fucking  irritating ? ”  his  gaze  flickers  toward  her.  “ you  spend  years  proving  everybody  right  about  you,  then  get  ..  like  this  when  they  believe  it. ”  the  words  are  harsh  like  they  always  are,  but  the  anger  isn’t  entirely  directed  at  her.  “ i  don’t  care  that  you  knew  who  he  was. ”  a  beat.  “ i  care  that  you  keep  acting  like  this  is  all  you  deserve, ”  the  confession  tastes  unfamiliar.  dangerous.  so  he  swallows  it  down  before  it  can  become  anything  more.  his  attention  returns  to  the  road,  voice  quieter  when  he  speaks  again.  “ and  you’re  not  getting  out. ”  not  tonight,  not  looking  like  this,  not  when  she  sounds  one  bad  decision  away  from  disappearing  entirely. 

[parisgoodbyes]

he was always good to her and that was the problem , wasn't it ? she didn't know what to do with gentle hands , a compassionate heart , an understanding nature . anytime she came home , her aunt reminded her of all she lost . everything sloane gained at her expense , using her mother as collateral to drive her point home and make her regret everything . to fall into the abyss of a darkness akin to drugs and alcohol . addiction was the escape she needed in order to rid herself of every bad thought that threatened to eat her alive . she couldn't sleep without them , needed it to numb herself from everything trying to drag her down to hell . closing her eyes , leaning into the warmth of his touch , she nods her head slowly . gently turns to glance over her shoulder at him , leaning in to kiss the bridge of his nose before he had the chance to leave again . "you deserve more ," she tells him then , confession of sorts . "you deserve better , kaden ." she didn't want him to go and she was tired to fight what they both knew to be true . "do you want to leave me ?"

[stereosmindgame]

the  question  hits  him  harder  than  it  should  have  —  not  because  he  doesn’t  understand  where  it  comes  from,  but  because  after  everything  they’ve  survived  together,  some  part  of  her  still  believes  he’s  standing  one  foot  out  the  door.  he  lowers  his  gaze,  jaw  tightening  as  he  stares  at  the  water  rippling  around  her.  maybe  it  would  be  easier  if  he  were  the  kind  of  man  who  walked  away  when  things  became  complicated.  easier  if  love  were  contingent  on  convenience  instead  of  choice.  but  he’d  chosen  her  a  long  time  ago.  a  quiet  breath  escapes  him,  “ sloane  .. ”  his  hand  finds  her  cheek,  thumb  brushing  softly  against  damp  skin.  “ you  don’t  get  to  decide  what  i  deserve, ”  there’s  no  bite  to  it,  only  weariness  and  affection.  a  sad  smile  tugs  at  the  corner  of  his  mouth,  “ if  i  wanted  to  leave,  i  would’ve  left  already. ”  back  when  she’d  pushed  him  away,  during  the  fights,  during  every  relapse  and  sleepless  night,  every  moment  she  convinced  herself  she  was  too  much  to  love.  his  forehead  rests  against  hers,  “ i  won’t  lie  to  you,  baby.  this  hurts.  watching  you  do  this  to  yourself  hurts  like  hell. ”  he  swallows  against  the  lump  in  his  throat,  “ but  no,  i  don’t  want  to  leave  you. ”  his  eyes  finally  lift  to  hers.  “ i  want  you. ”  because  no  matter  how  many  times  she  breaks  his  heart,  it’s  still  hers.

[parisgoodbyes]

he didn't want to talk about this right now . not with emotions running high , a knife wound near his ribs and exhaustion piling on top his shoulders from the amount of stress he endured over the course of several hours . it's not her fault for wanting answers and wanting them immediately , but he didn't have the right head to give it efficiently . "i won't , alright ? look ." he swallows down a sigh , using his hand to prop himself against the wall opposite from where they stood , leaning back as he gazes down at her . thumb continuing to run along her cheek as he remains within close distance . "this is a lot to unpack for one night . i'm doing my best right now , but i need you to -- i just need you to trust me on this , alright ? i haven't lied to you before and i don't plan on starting now ." running his tongue along his teeth , pushing it to the corner of his mouth , exhaling a breath through nostrils , ignoring the pain that shoots up his side , he lets her go before using that same hand to run through his hair . "i won't be for long . i have everything under control . but that means not being around for a little bit . i'll have my phone on me . you can call me , but i won't be able to see you for a few days come morning ."

[stereosmindgame]

trust  me.  normally,  she  thinks  she  would.  the  irony  is  almost  laughable.  he  found  the  worst  thing  she’d  ever  done,  the  truth  hidden  even  from  herself  for  years,  and  he  stayed.  he  asked  nothing  of  her  except  honesty.  and  now,  standing  here  with  a  fresh  wound  beneath  his  shirt,  he’s  asking  for  the  same  thing  in  return.  only  this  feels  different.  because  trust  seemed  easier  when  the  consequences  were  emotional.  trusting  him  now  feels  like  placing  something  fragile  into  the  hands  of  a  storm.  her  gaze  drops  for  a  moment,  repeating  quietly,  “ a  few  days. ”  the  words  settle  poorly  and  when  she  looks  back  up  at  him,  there’s  a  sadness  in  her  expression  she  hasn’t  figured  out  how  to  hide.  “ you  keep  saying  everything  is  under  control  while  bleeding  into  a  sink. ”  her  arms  fold  loosely  across  her  middle.  “ and  maybe  that’s  the  part  i’m  struggling  with, ”  her  eyes  search  his  face,  “ because  i  do  trust  you,  rook. ”  but  trusting  him  and  believing  he’s  safe  are  starting  to  feel  like  two  different  things.  another  silence,  then  quieter,  “ i  can  handle  not  seeing  you  for  a  few  days. ”  her  throat  tightens.  “ i’m  just  scared  you’re  going  to  leave  and  come  back  with  another  excuse,  another  wound .. ”  another  piece  of  him  she  didn’t  know  existed,  until  eventually  there  won’t  be  anything  left  for  her  to  discover  except  the  thing  that  takes  him  away  from  her. 

[parisgoodbyes]

at the sound of her cry , something inside of him shatters deeper in the crevices of his heart where she remained . just her , when everyone else tried to battle for ownership , she remained unscathed in the sea of women who desired teddy to be theirs . he never would be . even if this ends and she falls in love with someone else , he wouldn't deem the title of girlfriend to anyone that wasn't her . "no , i don't know -- i don't know , grace because it's never happened to me , baby and i'm sorry !" timbre raises when hers does but not with malice or anger , but frustration within himself . he never wanted to put her in this position and he had to know that eventually , she'd walk in on it . he'd done it one too many times for it not to count . he reaches for her then , grabbing her tiny face in his hands and brushing the tears from her cheeks . brushes his lips against her forehead for a fleeting second before letting go and taking out his phone , "i'll get her but i'm not leaving . i'll be right outside until you can stand to look at me again ."

[stereosmindgame]

for  a  moment,  she  simply  sits  there.  the  apology  settling  heavy  between  them  but  it  doesn’t  soothe  anything.  it  can’t  undo  what  she’s  seen,  can’t  excise  the  image  from  her  mind,  can’t  return  her  to  the  girl  who  stepped  onto  the  tour  bus  carrying  flowers  in  one  hand  and  blind  faith  in  the  other.  when  his  hands  cradle  her  face,  she  doesn’t  pull  away  but  she  doesn’t  lean  into  it  either.  the  affection  feels  achingly  familiar,  in  the  way  a  wound  might  remember  the  blade  that  made  it.  she  lowers  her  gaze  the  moment  his  lips  brush  her  forehead  and  the  gesture  almost  breaks  her.  because  this  is  the  teddy  she  loves  —  the  gentle  one,  the  one  nobody  else  seems  to  know  exist.  and  maybe  the  tragedy  of  it  all  is  that  both  versions  of  him  are  real.  “ i  know, ”  the  words  emerge  barely  above  a  whisper,  uncertain  whether  she’s  responding  to  his  apology  or  his  promise  to  stay  outside.  “ i  know  you’re  sorry. ”  a  beat.  “ but  that  doesn’t  make  it  hurt  less. ”  when  she  finally  looks  up,  her  eyes  are  swollen  and  exhausted.  “ please  just  get  marg. ”  not  angry,  not  cruel,  just  simply  tired. 

[arielgifz]

✼ ᣟ݂ - 𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞 gifpack. (172)

in the source link's download, you'll find a  .txt file  & a  LINK  to this free gifpack, which, as of now  (1 june 2026), includes  172 gifs  of fashion influencer renée bellerive.  more are to be added in time & will be publicly announced ! all are sized  400x220.  to the best of my understanding & research as of original post date, renée is white, canadian, & was born on 16 november 2001, meaning she's around 24 - 25 in these gifs. she should be played with these elements in mind. don't claim as your own, add into gifhunts, use anything i've made if i've blocked you on tumblr / discord / any social media, or  in 'canon' celebrity rp groups / 1x1 / to 'portray' the individual  as  himself  or in spaces  centered around s.mut & / or t.aboo material. find my rules here. credit isn't a must, but it is much appreciated !

if you intend to use any, please leave a like & / or reblog ! xo.

[sugcrtalkin]

the gasp that leaves her is entirely performative, hand pressing to her chest like he's suggested something criminal. "i cannot believe you," holding the indignation for exactly one second before the smile breaks through and gives her away entirely, and she's not even really trying to recover it. "pride and prejudice is a cinematic masterpiece and you have terrible taste if you don't want to watch it ten times in a row." drops her hand, something easy and warm settling into her features now, the careful distance of earlier in the night feeling very far away. has somehow managed to forget about sadie standing across the rooftop from them. "fine. clueless then. sixth time. oh ... how about la la land ... third time?" she tips her glass in his direction like it's already settled, like they've already made plans, like this is just a thing that's going to happen now. a beat passes, comfortable and unhurried, the party carrying on behind them like it belongs to a different world entirely. she glances at him, something softer underneath the amusement. "i'm holding you to it, by the way." she means the projector. she means all of it. "we will be actually talking again, we're not doing the whole 'yeah let's catch up,' and then never actually follow up on it."

[stereosmindgame]

the  laugh  that  escapes  him  is  immediate,  helpless  against  the  theatrics  of  her  outrage.  “ hey,  at  least  if  someone  held  you  at  gunpoint  and  asked  you  to  recite  mr.  darcy’s  proposal  from  memory,  you’d  live. ”  a  grin  lingers  across  his  face.  because  it  has  always  been  like  this  with  her.  the  easy  banter,  the  dangerous  ability  she  possessed  to  make  years  collapse  into  minutes  until  he  could  almost  forget  there  had  ever  been  a  fracture  between  them  at  all.  almost.  his  gaze  remains  on  her  as  she  talks,  watching  the  certainty  settle  into  her  expression.  as  though  she  had  already  carved  out  a  place  for  him  on  her  couch.  a  year  ago,  that  certainty  would  have  belonged  to  him.  “ clueless  is  acceptable, ”  he  relents.  “ la  la  land  is  pushing  it. ”  the  irony  of  her  suggesting  the  latter  isn’t  lost  on  him.  a  story  about  timing  masquerading  as  a  love  story,  about  two  people  who  never  stopped  mattering  to  each  other  even  after  life  demanded  they  become  strangers  to  the  future  they’d  once  envisioned.  too  close  to  the  bone.  his  smile  softens  at  her  final  words.  he  knows  exactly  what  she  means.  the  calls  that  slowly  stop,  the  texts  left  unanswered  for  weeks,  two  individuals  pretending  distance  was  easier  than  confronting  the  loss.  “ it  won’t  be  one  of  those  conversations, ”  his  eyes  hold  hers  for  a  beat.  “ i’ll  call. ”  the  promise  leaves  his  mouth  before  he  can  interrogate  it.  and  the  worst  part  is,  he  means  it. 

[parisgoodbyes]

he wants her nowhere near this . even if it involved her in some capacity , he was the one who chose to kill him . not her . she didn't need to be the one dragged under when he took it upon himself with no help or ask from her to do so . "i called from a burner phone which has long since been destroyed . there's nothing that could tie me to him coming here ." takes a beat and realizes if there was anyone else , besides alice , that he trusted -- it was her . it was confusing at best when the last time they had spoken , they swore off of one another . her , with grant . him , with alice . though he and alice had a mutual understanding , tossed under unfortunate circumstances that bound them together for eternity , what they felt for one another was grief . confusion . hatred for his father . it wasn't love . not in the way he could have felt , had he and cassandra allowed themselves to heal their own darkness . "you really think leaving him here by himself is a good idea ?" regardless if she knew someone or not , it seemed like a risky move . "what if someone comes back ?" an employee or the landscaper . he was smart to where he lured homme in the first place , but he was also well aware that luck was built not earned . there would always be a chance that someone , no matter who , could find him and start asking questions earlier than they were prepared for .

[stereosmindgame]

she  holds  his  gaze  for  a  long  moment,  the  silence  between  them  taut  with  all  the  things  neither  of  them  seem  willing  to  say  aloud.  trust.  fear.  the  peculiar  sort  of  devotion  that  only  ever  seems  to  manifest  itself  in  catastrophe.  a  faint  sigh  escapes  her,  “ you’re  missing  the  point. ”  her  voice  may  be  quiet,  but  there’s  steel  beneath  it.  the  rain  continues  it  relentless  percussion  against  the  windows,  each  drop  sounding  suspiciously  like  a  countdown.  he’s  still  trying  to  shoulder  this  alone,  to  build  a  wall  between  her  and  the  consequences,  as  though  they  hadn’t  spent  years  finding  themselves  on  the  opposite  sides  of  the  same  darkness.  without  thinking,  she  reaches  up  and  smooths  an  invisible  crease  from  the  lapel  of  his  jacket,  the  gesture  absurdly  intimate  given  the  circumstances.  “ you  keep  talking  as  though  this  began  tonight. ”  a  pause.  “ it  didn’t, ”  and  it  sounds  like  a  confession,  her  words  settling  heavily.  because  they  both  knew  what  she  meant  —  her  brother,  the  pool,  every  terrible  thing  that  had  followed.  something  softens  in  her  expression  then,  subtle  enough  that  most  people  would  have  missed  it.  “ if  someone  comes  back,  then  we’ll  deal  with  it. ”  not  you.  we.  her  hand  lingers  against  his  sleeve  for  a  fleeting  second  before  falling  away.  “ you  made  your  choice  when  you  decided  to  protect  me, ”  the  admission  feels  dangerous.  “ so  stop  trying  to  save  me  from  it. ”  for  the  first  time  that  evening,  the  corner  of  her  mouth  curves  into  a  slope  resembling  a  smile.  “ trust  me. ” 

[parisgoodbyes]

she felt safe with miles . she didn't know what it was . maybe it was how smart he was or how he carried himself or how he didn't oogle her every time she was around . though she often wondered if he thought about her at all , it was refreshing to know she was more than just a pretty face and body to him whenever he was around . with her boyfriend , it was all surface level . things you're supposed to do . she was supposed to marry a good guy from a good family , but if her father knew how he was behind closed doors -- belittling , pressuring , and overall nauseating at times -- he'd kill him and her for allowing such behavior , but that's all she knew . her mother stayed with her father despite the many women he indulged in over the last several years . she was taught to stay , to endure because no matter the mistakes her father made , he loved her dearly . that she knew to be true . it confused her . "you say impossible , i say specific ." smiles back , nudging her elbow to his before she's examining every page he goes through , making sure it's exactly how she liked it though she trusted him enough to know he'd do it the way she asked . he always did . he listened . "thank you , miles ." she says after a beat . "i really appreciate it . it's perfect . better than i ever could have imagined or done myself ."

[stereosmindgame]

her  compliment  strikes  with  far  more  force  than  it  should  have.  it  settles  beneath  his  ribs with  the  quiet  permanence  of  a  thing  he’d  replay  later  when  he  was  supposed  to  be  sleeping.  it’s  ridiculous,  really.  he’d  spent  weeks  building  the  website  and  her  approval  should  have  been  the  objective  conclusion  to  a  completed  project.  instead,  it  feels  like  victory.  his  gaze  drifts  toward  her,  catching  the  curve  of  her  smile  before  he  looks  away  again.  “ well, ”  he  starts,  attempting  nonchalance  and  failing  spectacularly  at  it,  “ that’s  good,  because  if  you  hated  it,  i’d  have  to  start  over. ”  the  corner  of  his  mouth  twitches.  “ and  i’d  complain  the  entire  time. ”  not  that  he  actually  would.  if  isla  asked  him  to  rebuild  the  whole  thing  from  scratch,  he  probably  would  have.  he  leans  back  slightly  in  his  chair,  fingers  drumming  against  the  edge  of  the  desk.  “ you  could’ve  done  it  yourself, ”  the  words  leave  his  mouth  before  he  could  stop  them,  a  faint  scoff  following.  “ actually,  no.  that’s  a  lie.  you  would’ve  opened  the  coding  software,  stared  at  it  for  thirty  seconds,  and  declared  technology  your  mortal  enemy. ”  for  a  moment,  he  just  looks  at  her  and  years  of  memorized  details  crowd  his  mind  all  at  once  :  the  first  time  he  saw  her,  every  conversation  he  had  stretched  longer  than  necessary,  every  reason  he  had  convinced  himself  this  crush  would  eventually  disappear.  it  never  did.  his  expression  softens,  “ i’m  glad  you  like  it,  isla. ”  more  than  he  would  ever  admit.  “ that’s  kind  of  all  i  was  aiming  for. ” 

[parisgoodbyes]

sways with the wind , closing her eyes for a brief moment as the rain continues to mat along the backs of her shoulders , so quick before she's opening her eyes and gazing over at him . needs a line . maybe five to clear the amount of hatred scratching at her resolve , desperate to run her down to the ground . adrien had done a perfect job at that , using her as collateral while he remains unscathed . admired , envied . loved . though they were nothing alike , she saw stephen in him in that moment . the reflection of satisfaction to know he had been the one to demote her in front of everyone . the only difference was , she believed stephen when he told her he wasn't happy . even more so that she was a mess right now . could feel it without having to look in a mirror and confirm the revelation herself . "tell me something i don't know ," flinging the gold heels worn off to the abyss somewhere in the corner of the street , she pads bare feel along the gravel until she's met with the soft leather of his car seat . lets the door shut behind her and doesn't say a word more as she glances out the window , trying her best not to recoil in heat . "i'm getting dirt on your car ." whether she was referring to herself or her feet as they touch the rug beneath it , she isn't sure.

[stereosmindgame]

he  watches  her  from  the  corner  of  his  eyes  as  he  pulls  away  from  the  curb,  windshield  wipers  carving  rhythmic  paths  through  the  rain.  the  sight  of  her  is  almost  unbearable  —  not  because  she’s  soaked  through,  barefoot,  or  tracking  gravel  onto  the  pristine  floor  mats  of  his  car.  because  he  can  practically  see  the  self-contempt  radiating  from  her,  corrosive  and  all-consuming.  it  makes  something  ache  inside  him.  he’s  pushed  her  before,  god  knows  he  has.  pushed  until  arguments  became  warfare  and  sharp  words  turned  into  tangled  limbs  and  promises  he  didn’t  have  any  intention  of  keeping.  but  this  is  different.  this  isn’t  bradley  fighting  back.  this  is  bradley  looking  like  she’s  finally  run  out  of  reasons  to.  “ if  i  cared  about  that,  i  wouldn’t  have  asked  you  to  get  in, ”  his  voice  cuts  through  the  silence  as  he  merges  onto  the  road.  the  air  inside  the  car  feels  strange,  dense  with  everything  left  unsaid.  hatred  had  always  been  easier  between  them,  easier  to  survive  than  whatever  this  was.  “ now  quit  the  self-loathing, ”  his  grip  tightens  briefly  around  the  steering  wheel  before  a  glance  in  her  direction  follows,  “ he’s  not  worth  it. ” 

[parisgoodbyes]

her face hurt , bruised by the amount of tears she'd shed over the last several hours , numb and broken inside . attested by the way she allowed hm to take care of her without lifting a finger . robotic responses , moving one arm and then the other when he undresses her , unmoving when he wipes the make up from her face , winces internally , but everything wore her down until she was nothing . sitting inside the tub , she lulls her head to the side , gripping the porcelain with all her might while trying to remain present . letting the warm water ease the coiled tension in her body . "it won't always be like this ," a whisper , so low you can barely hear it if you weren't paying close enough attention , but something tells her , he clung onto every word . "i promise ." she'll do better , be better . for him . only him . nothing and no one else mattered . she doesn't know where they'll go from here , what will happen when she wakes up in the morning , but he promised himself that he wasn't going anywhere and she'll take his word for it . felt like a broken record , knowing he can forget what happened , but forgiveness was hard when she'd done it again and again and again .

[stereosmindgame]

watching  her  like  this  feels  infinitely  worse  than  the  panic  he’d  experienced  searching  for  her.  the  life  seems  depleted  from  her,  drained  away  until  all  that  remains  is  exhaustion  and  old  hurt  wearing  her  skin.  it  makes  his  chest  ache  with  a  helplessness  he  despised.  if  he  could  take  the  pain  from  her  and  carry  it  himself,  he  would  do  it  without  hesitation.  instead,  he  settles  for  what  he  can  give.  he  carefully  helps  her  into  the  tub,  one  hand  steady  against  her  arm  as  the  warm  water  envelopes  her.  rolling  his  sleeves  up,  he  kneels  beside  the  porcelain  edge  and  reaches  for  the  loofah.  his  movements  are  gentle,  almost  reverent,  as  he  washes  away  the  remnants  of  the  evening.  the  evidence  of  a  battle  she’d  lost  hours  before  he’d  arrived.  when  he  works  shampoo  through  her  hair,  his  fingers  massage  her  scalp  slowly,  patiently,  tenderly.  her  promise  settles  between  them  and  his  throat  tightens,  “ mhm. ”  not  dismissive,  but  he’s  lived  through  addiction  enough  times  to  know  promises  made  in  the  aftermath  were  fragile  things.  and  he  just  can’t  afford  to  stake  his  heart  on  certainty.  setting  the  loofah  aside,  he  leans  forward  and  presses  a  kiss  against  her  damp  shoulder.  “ i  know  you’re  trying,  baby. ”  and  somehow,  that  matters  just  as  much  as  the  promise  itself. 

[parisgoodbyes]

he'd be callow to say nothing would happen to him especially in their line of work . the band was just a front for what they were doing behind the scenes -- dealing and stealing . he had no means of safety other than himself and his friends . he can't promise that every time he walks out to do something , he won't come back unscathed , but he's been lucky since . there was only a matter of time before that luck ran out . he was smart and calculated , he didn't do things without a plan and though teddy could sometimes rely on his anger to get him through , rook was the one to reel them back to understand the situation better . he was quick and efficient that way . "you won't lose me ," he murmurs quietly in the space between them now coiled with tension , "i'm careful , marg , i always have been . i may not be untouchable , but so far my abilities have exceeded everyone's expectations . that's why things are getting heated right now . there's a lot of people in the mix , a lot of them wish i were dead . yes ." he takes that time to step to her , palm on her cheek used as some sort of comfort shield for both him and herself . to let her know he was taking this seriously , "but i'll always come home to you ."

[stereosmindgame]

“ it  didn’t  look  like  you  were  being  too  careful  tonight, ”  her  remark  lands  with  the  familiar  dryness  she  often  resorts  to  when  confronted  with  an  emotion  she  doesn’t  know  how  to  hold.  her  gaze  flicks  briefly  toward  the  bandage  beneath  his  shirt  —  the  evidence  —  the  realization  that  next  time  it  could  be  worse.  the  thought  settles  unpleasantly  in  her  chest.  “ don’t  .. ”  she  swallows,  “ don’t  push  your  luck. ”  it  sounds  more  like  a  plea  than  a  reprimand.  his  hand  remains  against  her  cheek  and  despite  everything,  the  hurt  and  confusion  still  ricocheting  through  her,  she  leans  instinctively  into  his  touch.  not  much,  just  enough  to  betray  the  part  of  her  that  still  seeks  comfort  from  him  even  now.  she’s  not  entirely  sure  what  she  feels  ..  frightened,  hurt,  perhaps  angry,  too.  but  even  that  emotion  seems  tangled  up  with  concern  until  she  can  no  longer  separate  them  from  each  other.  the words a  lot  of  people  wish  i  were  dead  lodge  themselves  stubbornly  beneath  her  ribs.  her  expression  falters  at  that.  for  most  of  her  life,  death  felt  abstract  and  distant.  a  door  she  once  considered  opening  herself.  it  feels  different  when  it’s  him  standing  on  the  other  side  of  it.  “ are  they  after  you ? ”  her  eyes  search  his  face.  “ are  you  in  serious  trouble,  rook ? ” 

[parisgoodbyes]

he couldn't lie to her anymore than he already had . the deed was done . he wanted to rid himself of all the good things in his life and he did exactly that by insisting on pushing his luck . luck that was bound to run out . should have taken her sister coming on the tour as a sign , but teddy never thought much of anything until he was in the hot seat . that was the problem , wasn't it ? "because i never stopped , grace ." loving her . "i still do and i always will . even if i messed up , even if you can't stand the sight of me anymore . i'll always be yours ." in the way that mattered . though he had cheated , he respected her in a way he'd never given to anyone else . when she was near , she got his undivided attention . wanted to make her feel special because he knew she was . there was no one else out there that could compare to the girl she was . no amount of women in his bed would change that . he stares at her for a beat longer than intended , just imagining her in his mind in case this is the last time he'll ever see her again before nodding , "alright ."

[stereosmindgame]

a  strangled  sound  escapes  her  throat  as  she  squeezes  her  eyes  shut,  but  it’s  useless.  the  image  returns  with  merciless  clarity  anyway.  teddy.  the  girl.  the  sight  of  them  tangled  together  on  that  bus,  oblivious  to  the  devastation  waiting  just  outside  the  door.  “ i  do,  too, ”  love  you,  the  confession  coming  broken.  a  hot  tear  slips  down  her  cheek.  “ but  i  look  at  you  right  now  and  all  i  see  is– ”  her  voice  cracks  violently,  “ you  with  your  shirt  off  and  her  and— ”  the  rest  of  her  words  dissolve  into  a  gasp.  anger  surges  through  her,  sharp  and  unfamiliar  and  before  she  can  stop  herself,  her  voice  rises.  “ do  you  have  any  idea  what  that  felt  like ? ”  another  tear  escapes,  wiping  it  away  roughly,  almost  angrily,  hating  herself  for  crying  yet  again  in  front  of  him.  guilt  immediately  follows  the  outburst  like  it  always  did  as  she  bites  down  on  the  inside  of  her  cheek,  forcing  herself  to  breathe  through  the  pounding  of  her  heart.  margaret.  she  needed  her  sister.  not  teddy,  not  right  now.  unable  to  bear  the  weight  of  his  gaze,  she  stares  at  the  floor  and  gives  a  small  nod  toward  the  door.  “ please  just  go,  teddy, ”  her  voice  barely  above  a  whisper,  “ please. ”

[sugcrtalkin]

"clicking when you turn." he repeats it back, like he's reading off a list. "right or left." another beat before he's chuckling. "that's ... yeah, you're right, very detailed." he glances back at her over his shoulder, and there's something in his expression that isn't quite a smile but lives right next to one. "cv joint, probably. maybe the axle, if i had to guess blindly." homme straightens up, moving toward the driver side, and opens the door without ceremony. "you mind?" doesn't wait long before he's leaning in, checking something near the wheel. his voice carries out from inside the car, unhurried. "how long's has it been doing it?" timbre comes out like the way he talks when he's already half-focused on something else. the thing about rhys is he stops performing when he's working — whatever ease he carries normally gets quieter, more concentrated. just his hands and the problem in front of him. he surfaces, forearms resting on the door frame, and looks at her properly. "you know ... i feel like maybe you're the problem instead of my repair work. have a feelin' you might be whipping this car around like you're at f1."

[stereosmindgame]

“ yeah.  whatever  that  means. ”  a  quiet  chuckle  slips  from  her  as  she  mirrors  the  faint  smile  lingering  at  the  corner  of  his  mouth.  the  language  was  foreign  to  her,  but  she  trusted  him.  he  was  the  expert  here,  after  all.  it’s  evident  in  the  way  he  occupied  this  world  of  engines  and  machinery  with  the  same  effortless  competency  she  once  occupied  a  dance  studio.  at  his  question,  she  lifts  a  hand  in  a  small  gesture  of  permission,  silently  telling  him  to  go  ahead.  then  she  folds  her  arms  across  her  chest,  watching  as  he  disappears  into  the  driver’s  side.  “ maybe  a  week ? ”  she  calls  after  him.  “ i  noticed  it  a  few  days  ago,  ignored  it,  convinced  myself  it’d  magically  resolve  itself,  and  now  we’re  here. ”  her  gaze  follows  him  as  he  works,  drawn  less  to  the  car  than  the  concentration  etched  across  his  features.  there’s  an  intimacy  to  watching  someone  do  what  they’re  good  at.  when  he  resurfaces  and  accuses  her  of  driving  like  she  belonged  on  a  formula  one  track,  she  scoffs.  “ i  drive  perfectly  responsible, ”  the  innocence  in  her  voice  is  entirely  fabricated.  “ the  fact  that  other  people  happen  to  be  slower  is  hardly  my  fault. ”  her  smile  returns.  “ so,  can  you  fix  it ?  and  more  importantly,  how  long  is  it  going  to  take  and  how  much  is  this  going  to  cost  me ? ”

[sugcrtalkin]

the laugh that comes out of her is a little too knowing. "deleted it," dylan repeats, like the idea of her ever deleting his number was genuinely absurd, which it is. "brooks, i know your number by heart." says it easily, like it's nothing, which it isn't, which she's aware of, and that's whyu she's moving on. "dinner though," something flickers across her face, practical and a little rueful at once. "you know how that goes," her eyes drift briefly toward the party behind them, all these people with cameras on their phones and opinions about who they're seen with and where. "us in the same restaurant is like, a three day news cycle minimum." glances back at him, something wry pulling at her mouth. "maybe you could come over sometime instead, i still have that projector." a small shrug, casual, like she's not offering him something she's thought about more than once. "there's no cameras in my living room."

[stereosmindgame]

her  admission  shouldn’t  affect  him  —  it  was  only  a  phone  number  —  yet  his  heart  performs  a  distinctly  inconvenient  somersault  all  the  same.  of  course  she  knew  it  by  heart.  the  sentiment  lifts  the  corner  of  his  mouth  as  he  shakes  his  head  softly.  “ dylan .. ”  the  way  he  mutters  her  name  is  equal  parts  fondness  and  exasperation.  the  hesitation  that  follows  her  mention  of  dinner  isn’t  difficult  to  decipher.  he  understands  before  her  explanation  even  arrives.  growing  up  beneath  the  same  merciless  spotlight  had  taught  them  identical  lessons.  the  curse  of  inheriting  notoriety  before  accomplishing  anything  to  deserve  it.  his  grandfather’s  legacy.  his  mother’s  fame.  their  lives  have  always  been  treated  like  public  property.  then  she  mentions  the  projector  and  he’s  immediately  back  in  her  living  room.  countless  movie  nights  sprawled  across  her  couch  with  half-finished  films,  most  never  reaching  the  credits  because  they  found  more  compelling  ways  to  occupy  each  other’s  attention.  dangerous.  he  should  say  no.  instead,  a  quiet  laugh  escapes  him.  “ alright, we  could  do  that, ”  he  relents, a  brow  arching.  “ on  one  condition,  though, ”  his  smirk  appears  a  second  later,  teasing  familiarity  settling  between  them.  “ we  are  not  watching  pride  &  prejudice  for  the  tenth  time. ”