nine lives / none left.

[cursedcupids]

➶ ⁀ ➴ ₊ 𝗖𝗨𝗥𝗦𝗘𝗗𝗖𝗨𝗣𝗜𝗗𝗦 — a private , selective , multi - muse , writing blog . 22+ only . penned by amanda .

navigation — guidelines , muse list , opens , plots .

[stereosmindgame]

it  isn’t  what  she  says  that  unsettles  him.  it’s  what  she  doesn’t  do.  she  doesn’t  close  the  distance  between  them  beneath  the  guise  of  another  game,  doesn’t  brush  her  knee  against  his  or  graze  his  wrist  with  absentminded  familiarity,  doesn’t  weaponize  touch  the  way  they  both  once  knew  she  could.  the  omission  reverberates  louder  than  any  accusation,  leaving  him  with  the  disquieting  realization  that  perhaps  she  is  finally  growing  tired  of  fighting  a  war  neither  of  them  has  ever  truly  won.  and  somehow,  that  possibility  frightens  him  more  than  the  memory  of  grant  ever  could.  hatred,  resentment,  jealousy  all  required  devotion  of  a  sort.  indifference  ?  that’s  terminal.  gaze  lingers  on  her  for  a  moment  longer  before  a  quiet  laugh  escapes  him,  devoid  of  its  usual  arrogance.  “  you’re  the  only  bad  habit  i’ve  never  managed  to  quit.  ”  the  confession  lingers  for  scarcely  a  heartbeat  before  instinct  rushes  in  to  cauterize  the  wound  he’d  accidentally  opened.  his  crooked  grin  returns,  easier  than  vulnerability.  “  you’d  rather  i  make  my  bad  decisions  with  other  women  ?  ”  head  tilts  ever  so  slightly  as  his  eyes  search  hers  with  shameless  expectation,  waiting  to  see  if  jealousy  still  lived  there.

[cursedcupids]

she once believed that time would heal all wounds . that the pain she's caused would eventually scab over , leaving a scar that would only serve as a reminder of how easily they can lose it all . even if he did forgive her , would he ever be able to move on completely ? to stop with the torment in effort to make her pay in the same vile ways he's had to endure , as if she hasn't paid her price in full ? or is this who they were now ? the rules of the game have been changed forever , so much so that she isn't sure if playing is even worth it anymore . if it's even possible . she can feel herself losing the belief that what they had , what they were was worth every sick act they commit all in the name of ' love ' . " you seem to be doing well enough . " she says after a beat . allowing the small admission to wash over her , but feeling no relief or happiness that she still held such power over him . everything just feels numb which makes it easy to leave his next line out to cast and the bait to settle and rot . " that's not what i said , but i'm sure you know the answer to that . " downing what remains in the crystal flute and setting on top of the ivory table cloth , she stands and secures her clutch . " have a nice night , forbes . it was good to see you . "

[stereosmindgame]

silence  settles  between  them  with  an  almost  uncanny  stillness  as  the  tears  cease  as  abruptly  as  they  had  come,  not  because  the  hurt  has  diminished,  but  because  it  has  finally  begun  to  crystallize  into  something  far  more  dangerous  than  grief  —  understanding.  her  gaze  lingers  on  him  with  a  strange  detachment,  as  though  she  is  seeing  him  without  the  mythology  she’d  spent  years  constructing  around  him.  and  suddenly,  memories  begin  arranging  themselves  into  a  coherent  pattern.  recalls  her  first  panic  attack  before  an  arena  show,  when  she’d  scarcely  been  able  to  breathe,  only  for  him  to  glance  at  his  watch  and  tell  her,  ‘  five  minutes,  then  you’re  smiling.  ’  the  interview  where  he’d  rehearsed  which  childhood  anecdotes  were  sympathetic  enough  to  test  well  with  audiences.  the  first  time  she’d  answered  a  question  as  louisa  instead  of  lux  and  the  correction  that  followed,  as  though  authenticity  were  another  bad  habit  to  be  trained  out  of  her.  all  those  moments  had  been  conditioning  and  the  realization  dawns  on  her  that  he  still  isn’t  asking  what  she  wants,  not  really,  he’s  asking  whether  she’ll  continue  being  useful.  a  quiet  laugh  escapes  her,  softer  than  before.  “  funny.  i  thought  there  wasn’t  anybody  else  like  me.  ”  his  own  words,  handed  back  to  him.  “  you  always  told  me  i  was  different.  ”  her  voice  now  stripped  of  the  desperation  he’d  grown  accustomed  to  managing.  “  so  which  is  it  ?  ”  and  for  the  first  time  in  years,  she  isn’t  searching  his  face  for  reassurance.  she’s  searching  it  for  the  truth.

[cursedcupids]

he's never been someone to shy away from the truth when it is best suited . not with other clients , other managers , and especially not when it came to her . something deeply rooted changes a person when they've spent countless years fighting for space in a room that was once too big to powerful . to be seen as a man with as much , if not more impact than the other silver spooned suits he was once desperate to out grow . he's no fool . he knows that the career he's helped build for lux is a huge reason for his own successes . in a way , binding their careers together with barbed wire and twine . her trust has been won over years of praise and tough love , no matter how one found that love to be . whether it be toxic or genuine , it never mattered at the end of the day . she has millions of people in love with her as much as the ones that hate her . it's the price of the spotlight and it is only a disservice to feed her fluff when her enemies far out weighed the supporters . the bite in her words only amuse him . watching her summon the courage to snap back and sink those venomous fangs she unfortunately kept hidden from the rest of the world leaves him transfixed . pushing back to his feet , towering over her with his full height , her reaches down , palming the side of her face with a gentle longing . her beauty unquestioned , especially when tears decorated her features like a smattering of diamonds . his thumb drags over her lesser lip as his gaze appears mesmerized at his own actions . " lux ... now , she's different . " his soft eyes finally lifting to meet hers . a danger lurking within the swirling depths as they pinch at the edges . his brow dipping in a frown . " louisa , however , she's a dime a dozen . "

[stereosmindgame]

she  doesn’t  dignify  his  question  with  an  immediate  answer,  gaze  remaining  fixed  on  her  reflection  as  she  sweeps  mascara  through  her  lashes,  like  the  the  careful  ritual  could  disguise  the  small  crack  his  indifference  had  left  behind.  had  expected  irritation  —  possessiveness,  maybe.  anything  but  this  infuriating  composure.  the  silence  almost  feels  contemptuous  as  it  denies  her  the  reassurance  she’d  been  too  proud  to  ask  for  outright.  “  does  it  matter  ?  ”  her  tone  is  deceptively  light,  reaching  for  her  lipstick  before  adding,  “  he’s  ..  nice.  stable.  normal.  ”  every  adjective  tastes  foreign  on  her  tongue,  virtues  she’d  once  claimed  to  want  yet  somehow  found  herself  reciting  like  borrowed  lines.  though  her  attention  never  leaves  the  mirror,  she’s  watching  him  all  the  same,  waiting  —  almost  against  her  own  will  —  for  him  to  give  her  a  reason  not  to  walk  out  the  door.

[cursedcupids]

the familiarity built between them is instinctive . he knows exactly what she's looking for from him which is why he's so stubborn in giving it to her . he knows where she would rather be and with whom she wants to be with which is why the bait she's laid out still dangles helplessly between them . had he felt threatened , even the smallest bit , his actions would have been different . more calculated , but just as manipulative . there is a reason they still performed this same dance . wearing out the same spots their steps have taken countless times and it has much to do with his refusal to let her go . his head tilts at her words , watching her through the mirror of the vanity . " so , in other words , he's boring . got it . " with another stretch of his body , he steals the pillow beside him , propping it up behind his back to make himself more comfortable . still taking no initiative in leaving . " maybe i should just stay here . i'd hate for your night to end with such disappointment . "

[stereosmindgame]

her  words  settle  heavier  than  the  cardboard  box.  until  now,  this  had  all  existed  at  a  comfortable  distance,  grief  condensed  into  something  tangible  he  could  carry  with  two  hands.  but  hearing  her  say  it  aloud  transforms  the  evening  into  what  it  truly  is  :  not  an  exchange  of  forgotten  belongings,  but  the  quiet  dismantling  of  a  life  they  built  so  gradually  neither  of  them  ever  noticed  when  mine  became  ours.  his  expression  betrays  the  brief  fissure  beneath  the  composure  he’d  spent  weeks  constructing,  then  he  nods  once,  “  whatever’s  easier  for  you.  ”  the  answer  comes  almost  immediately  because  he’s  forfeited  the  right  to  decide  for  her.  if  she  wants  privacy,  he’ll  give  it  without  question.  if  she’d  rather  he  walk  beside  her  through  every  room,  enduring  the  same  memories  as  they  surface,  he’ll  do  that  too.  this  time,  the  choice  belongs  entirely  to  her.  he  carries  the  box  she’d  brought  toward  the  kitchen  island,  setting  it  down  with  far  more  care  than  its  weight  requires  but  he  doesn’t  open  it  yet.  can’t.  whatever  pieces  of  himself  she’s  returned  can  wait  a  little  longer.  his  gaze  drifts  through  the  apartment  and  for  the  first  time  since  she’d  walked  away  weeks  ago,  he  allows  himself  to  truly  see  it.  every  room  bearing  her  imprint  with  an  intimate  domesticity.  somewhere  along  the  way,  ownership  had  dissolved  into  habit  so  completely  that  he  no  longer  knew  where  her  belongings  ended  and  their  shared  life  began.  “  they’re  all  in  our—  ”  the  word  catches  unexpectedly,  his  jaw  tightening.  “  the  bedroom.  ”  the  correction  scrapes  at  the  back  of  his  throat.  “  everything’s  where  you  left  it.  ”  there’s  no  implication  hidden  beneath  the  statement,  only  the  truth  that  he  never  possessed  the  strength  to  erase  her  from  a  place  that  had  stopped  feeling  like  his  long  before  either  of  them  realized  it.  every  trace  remaining  exactly  as  it  was  because  removing  her  presence  would’ve  required  admitting  she  might  never  walk  back  through  his  door,  which  was  a  reality  he  hadn’t  yet  learned  how  to  survive.

[cursedcupids]

it should have been obvious that he would allow her to decide what she preferred . since their break up , he's been completely removed from any decision . as if he's punishing himself for the years he's made the calls , assuming what was best for them , for her . she should feel pleased to have actual control . not just the feeling of it , but it doesn't feel right . she misses the fight that burned behind his eyes at each and every crossroad . this version on him feels hollow . empty . guilt is quick to bang at the walls she's built around herself , cursing at her for reducing him to a shell of who he once was . she knows the slip up isn't intentional , that he's not putting on a show in an attempt to win her back , but regardless of the intention , she struggles to find her next breath . only offering him a nod , she doesn't waste any more time lingering at the front door and makes for the bedroom . the eagerness to remove herself from the weight of his gaze , she doesn't realize her mistake in stumbling into his bedroom , allowing a flood emotions to slam into her as she crosses the barrier . recognizing how many nights she's spent tucked safely under the covers . how more like home this was than her own bedroom in her own apartment ... this was a mistake coming here with feigned confidence stacked so high , it once towered over her and now wis primed to bury her in it . she should have asked him to collect her things while she cowered in the safety of his entryway , a seemingly neutral place that couldn't suffocate her nearly as much as this . finally tearing her eyes from the bed , she turns her focus to the bathroom , collecting the few products that sat in the shower and helped clutter the counter top before beelining for the closet . with only a few articles of clothes hanging , her attention catches on a box tucked onto the top shelf . a needed distraction . a welcomed challenge in how she is supposed to get it forcing her thoughts to abandon what had once been suffocating . it only takes a few pitiful jumps and pathetic attempts to knock it down before she's huffing in frustration . popping her head out of the bedroom , she yells into the rest of the apartment for kane . " can you help me really quick ? i can't get this box down . "

[freakshaped]

MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING | 1997 ft. Dermot Mulroney & Julia Roberts

[dailyflicks]

WILD AT HEART (1990) dir. David Lynch

[haleyatwell]

HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS (2003) dir. Donald Petrie

[toiich]

La frontière de l'aube (2008), dir. Philippe Garrel

[stereosmindgame]

a quiet, hollow laugh escapes her, more disbelief than amusement as she wipes the tears from her cheeks with the heel of her hand, refusing to let him see her unravel any further. her gaze drifts to the walls surrounding them — every era of lux immortalized beneath glass like relics in a museum dedicated to a girl she barely recognizes anymore. sequins. headlines. platinum records. tucked between them, is one from the year she had just turned eighteen. “ i was a kid, ” it’s scarcely above a whisper. a child from an unstable home with debts she hadn’t known existed, parents desperate enough to mistake sacrifice for opportunity. the promise that this could save everyone folded neatly into a contract and sealed with a pretty little bow. then him, the man who could be impossibly gentle whenever compliance benefited him, only to become glacial the moment she resisted. for years she’d mistaken that for devotion. now she wonders if she’d ever known the difference at all. “ i didn’t know what i wanted. ”

[cursedcupids]

" then what's your excuse now ? " his words are shared in frustration . like clock work , she is at her breaking point and he's forced to lure her back from the ledge before she plummeted , taking him right with her . he's not foolish enough to believe he wouldn't suffer if she is to break her contract and throw her career away . a career he painstakingly built for years , putting up with her dramatics , easing her fears , giving her the dream ... " do you even have a clue what it is you want now ? " crouching down to her level so they're eye to eye , he doesn't shy away from her tears like so many others in the industry . treating her as if she is made of porcelain and glass at the first sign of emotion when she's proved to be stronger than that . that she can and will overcome every bump in the road because that's what it takes . because he refuses to allow her to be a failure . owning a career like hers is not for the weak and it will be a cold day in hell when he coddles her , especially now when they are so close . " you finally ready to quit ? because there are thousands of girls , just like you , who would do anything to be in your shoes right now . so , stop wasting everyone's time with these theatrics and tell me are you in or are you out ? "

[hellgifs]

emilio sakraya via instagram

[stereosmindgame]

before she stepped outside, she’d already been struggling against a feeling she could neither justify nor properly name. the evening had begun pleasantly enough, but every stolen glimpse of ambers laughing beside another woman, accepting her touch with effortless familiarity, had left behind a peculiar ache that refused to dissipate. which was absurd. he was single. she was teddy’s girlfriend. friendship did not entitle her to jealousy. so she quietly exiled herself to the balcony beneath the pretense of needing air, convincing herself the sharpness lodged beneath her ribs was merely exhaustion. the stranger’s company had almost been a relief. he was polite, easy enough to talk to, and when he offered her a drink, she’d accepted it with the same ingenuous trust she’d always extended toward the world. it never occurred to her that accepting drinks from strangers might be dangerous, spending her entire life believing the best of people until given a reason not to. fingers were barely wrapped around the glass before another voice interrupted. her head lifts almost immediately, relief arriving so instinctively it startles her. “ ambers. ” his name leaves her with a warmth she hadn’t realized she’d been searching for all night. without thinking, she slips her hand into the one he’d extended, the simple gesture feeling as natural as breathing despite how little sense it makes beneath the scrutiny of her own conscience. “ i was beginning to think hosting was much more important than checking on your guests, ” teases softly, the corners of her mouth lifting into a smile that feels lighter than what she felt inside. only then does she remember the drink still resting in her other hand. “ oh– ” she glances between the two men. “ kenny was just keeping me company while i escaped the noise for a minute. ” she lifts the glass in her hand, “ and he bought me this. that was kind of you. ” she speaks to kenny with genuine sincerity. “ thank you. ”

[cursedcupids]

his chest warms at his name , announced in relief instead of question as he barges through the door like a mad man . it spreads across his entire body at the way she so willingly reaches back for his hand , without a second thought . like it is second nature . he knows that the trust between them is strong . their bond becoming even stronger , but the comfort she evidently feels with him is nearly enough to drop him to his knees . he has to remind himself where they were and that he doesn't know how much she's had to drink , but knows anything is more than usual . that her response is likely encouraged by substance . his grip tightens on hers , squeezing gently and apologetically at her statement . " yeah , i'm sorry . it gets really crazy in there , but i'm here now , aren't i ? " he mentions with a crooked smile , eager to ignore the third party lingering off to the side . his efforts are useless as she brings up kenny and the drink he so thoughtfully gifted her away from any prying eyes . his smile is forced as he tears his gaze away from grace to stare at the regular . " yeah , super kind look , gracie . i can't find teddy , do you want to help me look for him ? i'd hate for our round of drinks to go to waste in the section . " it was a cheap excuse , to bring up her boyfriend , but he knows it is the only way to get her to come with him without trying to include her new friend . her kind and genuine heart too pure for a world like this , he should have known better than to invite her here , especially when teddy is nowhere to be found .

[stereosmindgame]

he doesn’t answer straight away. instead, his gaze lingers with an involuntary meticulousness, tracing the details he’d once committed to memory. the crystalline sheen in her eyes suggests she’s been drinking too, and he can’t help but wonder if she needed the alcohol to approach him the same way he’d needed white powder to survive seeing her again. his attention catches on the fatigue concealed beneath expertly applied make up and notes she doesn’t exactly look triumphant. in fact, she almost looks.. tired. his thumb drags absently beneath his nostrils, thought proliferating faster than he can restrain them, the cocaine making every memory unbearably vivid. tries to recall why staying away had seemed imperative, why she was a wound best left untouched, but with her sitting across from him, those reasons start to feel frail. “ because, ” he says at last, a crooked smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. “ i’m trying to make at least one smart decision tonight. ”

[cursedcupids]

sitting across from him , she has to wonder if she will ever be ready to give up . to finally set him free from her clutches and allow him to find the happiness she is no longer capable of giving him . not anymore . not when every time he looks at her , she knows it's only betrayal that he sees . he's as stubborn as she is and that fact only promised her days will forever be spent trying to make things right knowing nothing she does ever can . his answer is fragile , one she knows is poised for her to break , if she wants to put in the effort . her eyes narrow on him with silent question . " of course you couldn't save that decision for someone something else , right ? " their relationship is a chess match and she's allowed him to remain one step ahead out of guilt , but gone were the days of regret and sorrow . she is losing herself and wasting her time . time she is no longer willing to sacrifice for him .

[stereosmindgame]

the weeks apart haven’t made him softer — if anything, they’ve stripped him back to the version of himself that existed before they decided to try at a relationship. had buried himself beneath grueling training sessions that left his knuckles split and his ribs mottled with bruises, accepting fights he normally would’ve declined, lingering at the club long after everyone else had gone home until exhaustion became the only language his body understood. to him, pain had always been honest. it never concealed itself, never asked him to decipher whether it should stay or leave. violence was familiar; grief wasn’t. he kept his promise not to call nor text, never stood outside her apartment hoping coincidence could be masqueraded as fate. if she needed space to determine whether there was still a place for him in her life, then he would endure the silence, no matter how deafening it became. the knock at his door dismantles that resolve in an instant. isn’t expecting anyone so by the time the lock disengages and the door swings open, the last person he anticipates finding standing there is her. delilah. he simply studies her at first, the exhaustion around her eyes, every instinct inside him surging him forward before discipline reins it back. his gaze drifts to the box in her hands before returning to her face and understanding settles with silent inevitability. of course. this was always going to happen eventually. her apology follows in a rush as his hands remain loose at his sides. “ you don’t have to apologize. you never needed permission to knock. ” his eyes finally drop to the box, “ can i ? ” takes it carefully, a pang shooting through his chest knowing what’s inside: months, maybe years, of their relationship condensed into cardboard. his eyes linger on her for another beat, searching without prying, before stepping back from the doorway, giving her enough room to pass. “ come in. i didn’t get rid of anything. ” he couldn’t have if he tried. he hadn’t yet learned how to dismantle a life that had once felt indivisible from his own.

[cursedcupids]

nothing could have prepared her for the version of him she finally allows herself to see . meeting his eyes for the first time since she left his car weeks ago . since the night where all her worst fears came to life . where her entire world came crashing down around her to reveal it’s all been a fantasy her young heart has sewn together , stitch by stitch , for the last decade . anyone else would claim that he looked normal . that nothing was amiss and he was his usual self , but she can see past the mask he wears like a shield . the days she allowed to pass by them took the same damaging toll on him as it has her . leaving an identical gap in their lives and gaping hole in their chests . her head and her heart are once again at war as she is both relieved and disappointed in the restraint he displays . there is no embrace . no spewed mouthful of apologies to be shared in an effort to get her back , something she doubted kane would show anyone and clearly , she is no exception . the thought confirms her decision to take the step forward . to make the next move and find whatever semblance of closure they can . she lets him take the box from her hands , running her palms against the denim of her pants to rid them of even the briefest of touches . the contents were his after all , she just isn’t prepared for the pang that dents her chest at his easy acceptance . clearing her throat , she nods , taking a step into his apartment . she can’t think about the fact that this might be her last time here not knowing if she will break down again . the familiarity of it creating a devastating that that it will only become a lost string of memories . taking a moment to survey the space one last time , she lets out a breath before turning a forced smile onto him . “ i guess i should get started . ” jutting her thumb towards his bedroom , she peers up at him . “ do you mind if i just go grab everything or would you prefer to do it ? ” in truth , she isn’t sure where all of her things were . what articles of clothing still took up space in his dresser and closet . what products still littered his bathroom … what traces of her were still scarred into each room of his apartment that she can’t take with her .

[stereosmindgame]

“ i’m not cancelling my plans just because we had sex. ”

[cursedcupids]

he remains lounging in her bed , rustled sheets draped over his naked form as he watches her move about the room , no sense of urgency found within . personally , he was happy staying put until she either left him alone in her apartment , or physically threw him out on his ass . either way , he knows the game and how it's played , and it is never won by appeasing to her every wish . " i don't remember asking , " says with a tired groan , his body stretching across the mattress before settling once more against the pillows . " but have fun with what was his name again ? "

[rzckless]

ㅤ⠀ㅤ⠀ #ㅤ⠀𝗣𝗨𝗕𝗟𝗜𝗖ㅤ⠀⌕ㅤ⠀ in the source link, you'll find ( 702 ) gifs of michael bradway in every year after (   season one   ). all of these gifs were made by me from scratch, so please don’t claim as your own. feel free to use them for roleplay purposes, but respect my guidelines. like or reblog if you plan on using or find them useful ♡

content warning ㅤ: ㅤdrinking, kissing, partial nudity, minor violence.

note ㅤ: ㅤplease do not use them for celeb rp as themselves, underage characters or any ‘t*boo’ content. don’t use if blocked.

[hotandfunnywomen]

Inde Navarrette