Future Doctor, Current Loser

studyblr. trying my best (kinda) to get into med school.

[pridefulsuggestion]

you don’t have to die on every hill you climb.

[stethoscope-check]

valentines day and reading week

i said i would study during reading week and i've been completely unproductive. i have one more day before i have to get back to the hospital and i don't wanna do anything. i've barely even left the apartment :(

[stethoscope-check]

still not dead yet

finished my clinical hours last week! almost 2000 hours of unpaid work :P i’ve still been incredibly busy with studying for finals and juggling a couple of volunteer roles.

also found out i didn’t get into med school this cycle. i’m considering doing a post bac and applying again next year.

im thinking of sharing some of my writing on substack… wonder if any of yall would be interested in that

[depsidase]

[trapny]

This is more inspirational than I think it was originally intended to be

[tokkibean]

"work in progress" is actually so misleading like it assumes that im actually making progress on my work

[stethoscope-check]

valentines day and reading week

i said i would study during reading week and i've been completely unproductive. i have one more day before i have to get back to the hospital and i don't wanna do anything. i've barely even left the apartment :(

[a-study-in-dante]

February 11th, 2026 | Yesterday, working in bed and starting a new journal with a new fountain pen that was gifted to me for my birthday by my beloved 🤍

[mahoganyamore]

maybe later isn't better than never

[henstomper]

imposter syndrome is so funny like fuuuuck i hope nobody finds out im tricking people into thinking im competent by knowing things and doing them

[stethoscope-check]

i haven't been studying much, just been at the hospital most of the time. i only have a couple of shifts next week, though, and i have reading week after that so i'll be using that time to catch up on studying.

in other news, our household has been listening to the radio a lot. we love tsf jazz when we're working on stuff and cbc radio one when we want more stories and stuff. i even won a book giveaway from cbc!!! will show the book when it arrives.

the cake is also long overdue, i wanted to have earl grey cake from my favourite bakery to celebrate the finishing the fall semester, but something always came up. my gf got me cake yesterday, but they were sold out of the earl grey so she got pistachio and raspberry instead, which i've never tried. it's the most amazing light chiffon with decadent layers of pistachio and raspberry cream. she also surprised me with chocolate, a squishmallow, and bubble bath and asked me to be her valentine <3

[stethoscope-check]

i'm not dead yet btw just at the hospital every other day

[petaltexturedskies]

Find meaning. Distinguish melancholy from sadness. Go out for a walk. It doesn't have to be a romantic walk in the park, spring at its most spectacular moment, flowers and smells and outstanding poetical imagery smoothly transferring you into another world. It doesn't have to be a walk during which you'll have multiple life epiphanies and discover meanings no other brain ever managed to encounter. Do not be afraid of spending quality time by yourself. Find meaning or don't find meaning but "steal' some time and give it freely and exclusively to your own self. Opt for privacy and solitude. That doesn't make you antisocial or cause you to reject the rest of the world. But you need to breathe. And you need to be.

Albert Camus, Notebooks 1951-1959

[stethoscope-check]

happy new year <3

i finally finished reading stone butch blues. it’s really strange reading your own thoughts on paper, but in someone else’s words. feels emotionally naked. no flowery prose to act as a buffer between what’s read and what’s understood. i wanted to share some parts (spoiler alert i guess?):

i'm reading mrs dalloway now until i can go back to the library and get a new book. i'm gonna do the storygraph january pages challenge because i haven't been reading as much as i want to and i really wanna make a dent in my to-read list.

[stethoscope-check]

finally done with exams!

my last exam was last wednesday evening, but i was busy the rest of the week cleaning and celebrating my father's birthday.

today, my girlfriend had to go into the office so i brought her lunch, but the restaurant forgot my meal >:( luckily they didn't forget hers, that would be really embarrassing. she got me macrons in the same kind of gift box in which i sent her love notes when we first started dating <3

spent the rest of the day relaxing, doing laundry, and catching up with my projects. my goal for this winter break is to improve my french :) i'm using the app busuu, which was recommended to me by some friends

[academic-vampire]

𝔠𝔬𝔩𝔡 𝔫𝔬𝔳𝔢𝔪𝔟𝔢𝔯

[glitteringroseangel]

[homunculus-argument]

If the only way you could get your ass to studying is to put on a full-ass Dark Academia outfit that may or may not include a black turtleneck, tweed jacket and brown leather shoes you otherwise never wear, and taking your books and ass to the nearest library to have an aggressively performatively aesthetic study session with maybe a paper cup of black coffee or something, that's what you gotta do.

If you've got shit to do that you have to get done, you're allowed to be ridiculous about it if that's what it takes to get there. As a treat.

[mondainai]

@magicratfingers I think you were talking about this recently?

[magicratfingers]

when i write my self indulgent trashy little novel i wear a velvet cape

would recommend (also it is science)

[magicratfingers]

it does get stuck in the chair roller a lot though