Magic Doesn't Work On Whores

Every random poem, random thought, random story... basically all the things I think of in the shower. I'm 21... an English major... the kind of girl who has too much drama (so prepare for some juicy stuff tumbr-verse!)... I'm just looking for someone to listen.

[still-just-alex]

Mugger: Give me your purse! Now!

Me: *hands over purse*

Mugger: There's nothing in here but breadsticks

[aspectacularstart]

[topshotpicks]

Tumblr needs more of this….whatever this is.

[cannedviennasnausage]

Is this the same artist who made the original for this

[crybourg]

how women actually are

[ginjaninja3716]

OH MY GOD IF I DON’T EVER REBLOG THIS IT’S PROBABLY BECAUSE I’M DEAD

[aragorn1379-deactivated20150216]

mother fuckin macys sale

[writebastard]

Her name is Doris. Here’s the artist. And here’s more Doris:

[bezitapitachiquita]

I aspire to this

[emmagoodall]

[shamwowxl]

now I'm just thinking about Steve Rogers, 21st century pain in the ass

Wandering around New York City PISSED because there are all of these empty luxury apartments in a city with such a high homeless population. He just starts tearing down doors and ushering people inside (and then repairing the doors because whoops he did not think that through)

Every time a reporter tries to ask Natasha who does her hair he interrupts her snarky response with I DO

Getting dragged into tv interviews and getting weird questions he’s not really qualified to answer until finally someone asks him what he thinks the founding fathers would have to say about net neutrality and he just says “I don’t give a fuck what they’ve have to say” before this impassioned speech about freedom and information equality that everyone is too afraid to interrupt

Literally dropping everything to show up in Ferguson. Like, thanks police department for all your hard work but you can go home now because the people have spoken and they’d like you all to retire early Captain America’s got this covered

He does not tell the Avengers

He does not tell Fury

He leaves a note for Bucky but like it’s really vague “ttyl gotta go school some haters” and Bucky has no idea what that’s supposed to mean because Steve basically COLLECTS HATERS LIKE THEY’RE POKEMON

Speaking of haters remember that time in Iron Man 3 where Tony gave out his home address and basically told a terrorist to come find him? That’s not good enough for Steve. Nope. He adopts one of those army dogs with the titanium teeth and just starts jumping out of planes and knocking on doors like “hello have you accepted Steven Grant Rogers as your ass-kicking savior?” like this is a weekly occurrence. Arms dealers, the leaders of drug cartels, human traffickers, he just keeps finding things to get pissed about.

Because he doesn’t like bullies. 

Like everyone in the tower sits him down and they have an intervention for him and he promises to find his chill

Starts doing Sesame Street appearances and everything seems normal

And then he disappears on a rampage and resurfaces on the news standing at the protest lines of an abortion clinic escorting women inside and covering their faces with his shield

He probably comes across Coulson at one point and he’s not even surprised he’s just like accepted the fact that nobody stays dead anymore like he’s honestly expecting to punch real hitler in the real face one of these days

[sandandglass]

The Nightly Show, September 24, 2015

[thelatestkate]

[notslayerage-deactivated2013112]

[forgottengenres]

Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.

Nora Ephron (via thatlitsite)

[keptyn]

Captain America’s Wisdom

[dogmaster6000-deactivated201602]

worm boy

[honeyfaun]

this is groundbreaking

[glowcloud-archive-deactivated20]

when people attack trans ppl for “making up words” like genderqueer and etc, makes me wonder where they think words actually come from. is it god? does god make the words? or perhaps some sort of mischievous river spirit

[ineedtothinkofatitle]

as a linguistics major I can confirm that it is in fact a mischievous river spirit

[kethera]

Strange women lying in rivers distributing words is no basis for a system of language.

[sandpit-life-deactivated2015090]

[queenshulamit-deactivated201602]

i have never seen a post with a plot twist like this before

This is the exact mix of wonderful and awful parenting I expect most tumblr users will display in later life.

[lookatthiscoolthing]

[aguasdelchavo]

trying to sound like a normal interested person in public

[amypoehler]

[ithelpstodream]

[moonshinemonty]

the appropriate response

[still-just-alex]

chris traeger voice: Ann Perkins! (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞