Stixxandbones

24 years old. Female. Canadian. Vegan. Struggle with an Eating Disorder and Alcohol addiction. Past drug addiction. Aspiring Chef/Baker. Punk-Rock lover. Adventurous. Easy going. Fun loving. I am a lost soul. This is my journey through hell, my diary, my real life. I post whatever the hell I want.

[stixxandbones]

I disgust myself.

Today I decided to weigh myself for the first time in about 2 months and I was 100% Right at what my weight was, and it is horrifying... I gained 30 fucking pounds!! I just want to die... It’s going to take forever to lose this fucking weight... but it starts now, hopefully I can shed this gross fat sooner rather then later... I look and feel terrible... No food today, long walk, and my friend is coming over which I would rather crawl into a hole from the world and just die... but she is my best friend and has been since we were kids and she deals with bulimia herself, and I have put off hanging out with her for a while due to depression but I promised today I would for sure, and at least I wont binge while she is around... not that I would anyway because I refuse to binge.  I am suppose to go to the circus this Friday with my brother, his girlfriend, and a couple mutual friends, it was my idea... but if I haven’t lost at least 5 lbs by then... I am not going as punishment. MUST. LOSE. THIS. WEIGHT!!! I got a treadmill yesterday so I am pretty excited about that, I just need my dad to bring it into the house... then I am going to live on that mother fucker. I know if I cut back on drinking or stop all together I would lose weight quicker, but I just cant do that... alcohol keeps me sane, there’s no way in hell I could walk past a mirror and see myself or live in this terrible body sober.

[stixxandbones]

Ugh

I have gained so much and I can't cope. Need to lose it all asap. I look disgusting. I can't stand to look at myself. I just want to vomit. My face is so swollen from purging. I don't get it, I purge and purge Nd I still gain weight. I hate myself. Just going to drink as usual. My ankles are swollen and sore because I fell while drunk the other day and still force myself to do jumping jacks. But I am going to walk to the store anyway because I am a disgusting fat pig and deserve the pain and need the exercise. Seriously someone kill me. I feel so dirty and heavy. My jeans are tighter. I want to cry and die.

[1mmortal]

[tabesugi]

[senseitive]

your mental health is a priority your happiness is a priority your self-care is a priority your existence is a priority

[ruinedchildhood]

[disorde-r]

[timbllr]

[cristinadaftwell]

[amargedom]

[cleyoh]

[vegan-yums]

Vegan tempura / Recipe

[twinkricksanchez-deactivated201]

[stixxandbones]

No I am not pregnant. No I did not binge. No I didn’t eat anything. This is caused by my liver disease due to years of alcohol abuse. I was suppose to stop drinking a long time ago but here I am... even after having THIS stomach for days.. I am currently drinking beer.. My belly is so uncomfortable (As you can imagine) and mixed with my Eating Disorder thoughts it really kind of drives me extra insane, although I know the cause of this is my own fault from drinking alcohol. I haven’t had a proper bowel movement either which is caused by my liver being fucked up (research it). I hope it goes down soon though because it’s super heavy and I feel like I could topple over. It’s been 3 days though! ugh...

[sleepin]

[cute-baby-animals]

[danger]