[heaven011]

[cats-healing-diary]

The moment you actually start thinking about suicide again after being okay is so painful

[hamoodmood-deactivated20250309]

In another universe I was happy

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

[stop-looking-at--me]

after being home for christmas i just noticed again what an empty shell of a human being I am. I don't feel connected to anyone even if I desperately need it. Everything that accumulated in my life made me chronically shut out of my own life. I don't know who I am or who I ever was. I feel like over the years my bpd ate away everything I thought was me and my ability to have a small crumbeling part in the life of others. I don't exist in my own head so I could never fathom how I exist in other peoples heads. Its just an everlasting loop of pitying myself because I feel so lonely and alone but feeling powerless to change anything. I don't see any good thing in myself so why would others? I just burden them with my neverending issues. Why come close to others when I feel like my early passing has been decided a long time ago. Everyone who in the past was a "like minded" "depressed" person seems to be able to move on and is able to even just superficially live a life resembling normalicy. Why is it just me who just becomes more abnormal the more time passes?

[stop-looking-at--me]

isn't it sad how I'm turning 24 next month and nothing changed at all? it's the same pain since i started thinking. unbearable pain, wishing i was dead every day i woke up. still feeling like I'm a 13 year old teenager basically knowing nothing about anything or what's about to come. It never got better and never will. Nothing I'll ever do will change anything. Therapy, medication, a boyfriend, working, trying to be normal and trying to accept life.. I'm still me I'm always gonna be me. There's something substantianally wrong with me, every part of me is faulty, dirty, mean, gruesome. I just can't do it anymore. I just wish it would stop. But it doesn't. Everything just moves on no matter how miserable I am. I hate me so much. So much it hurts. Why do I have to be this way. No matter how much I lie to myself it's always like this. I should've ended it when it would've been a tragic teen suicide, now I'm just a failed adult.

[fairydrowning]

"I did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. I did not like to be touched because I craved it too much. I wanted to be held very tight so I would not break."

-Marya Hornbacher, Wasted

[matchadogs-deactivated20221109]

The desire to be wanted and loved unconditionally is strong tonight ladies

[stop-looking-at--me]

borderline is the worst burden i carry with me its worse than any trauma, abuse or rape i've experienced it's a part of me i could never shake off or get rid off. its with me every step of the way to remind me of how disgusting and unlovable I am. how annoying i am how im always gonna stay alone how im wasted air, wasted space. i hate myself so much it creates so much pain in me its unbearable anymore.

[stop-looking-at--me]

no one will ever love me no one could ever accept me why cant i just cease to exist i dont want this anymore how can i ever exist with the burden of existence

[stop-looking-at--me]

[terminally-unlikable]

[ojibwa]

[hhyena]

[stop-looking-at--me]

bpd suffocates me more and more every day i cant do this anymore i feel like next week is gonna hopefully be the last time i need to celebrate my birthday i cant do this anymore its too much for me why do i need to suffer

[dumbsuicidalteen]

i fantasize about my death a lot

[aliengelic-princess]