Stormdust Syndicate

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Hello! Welcome to our blog.

This is a sideblog to @expressionbean . Here, we'll discuss things related to our DID and whatnot. We are a DID system, diagnosed + in treatment since 2020.

If you want to get to know us, here's our Carrd as a starting point!

Asks are accepted and we will engage with anyone who comes here in good faith. Bad faith asks, extremism, MAGAts, Zionists, OEA deniers, abuse apologists, and assholes in general need not interact because we will block you.

No syscourse or shipcourse stances for us. We're too nuanced for a label.

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new med is NOT sedating idk what they were talking about. also the nausea is so mild idk why the psych hyped that up so much. scared me for no reason. the scariest thing is what happens when i run out of samples because i don't think my insurance will cover it

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30 Days of DID || Day 18

Day Eighteen: What’s your least favorite misconception or common misinformed fact spread abut Dissociative Identity Disorder?

"It's like that movie Split!"

Fuck ALL the way off. No it's NOT.

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30 Days of DID || Day 17

Day Seventeen: Who’s an alter you’re interested in knowing more about or befriending? Which alter do you know best?

Perks of recovery! I know my alters quite well. Relic is the guy I know the least, but he doesn't really seem interested in socializing yet. Solum is newest, but he's pretty cut and dry so far.

As for who I know best, Cirrus? Probably?

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i caught us up on the 30 days of DID posts we missed

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30 Days of DID || Day 16

Day Sixteen: Where, as a system, is the safest place for you? Why?

Our room, I guess? It has good vibes and just us and our dog.

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30 Days of DID || Day 15

Day Fifteen: What songs do you relate with your DID?

This whole playlist lmao

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30 Days of DID || Day 14

Day Fourteen: To whoever’s fronting; what’s your favorite item to have around when fronting? Is it yours or do you share with other alters in the system?

Most everything is shared, honestly. We just have differing preferences, but we're close enough now that no one cares if we use each other's stuff.

My personal favorite thing is our vegvísir bracelet. It's a great fidget and it makes me feel more at home/grounded.

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30 Days of DID || Day 13

Day Thirteen: Has anyone ever noticed you were multiple before you told them? Do animals seem to know the difference in your switches?

Yes, but they could not figure out exactly what was "up". They (a singular person) eventually figured out that the inconsistency was dissociative in nature and called us out on it.

Animals sometimes know! Our dog certainly can tell when our demeanor changes or when we're not 100% present. He'll do DPT to ground us if we float too far. When we had a cat, the cat could tell and definitely had preferences for certain alters. I don't think they consciously know it's someone else, but animals are extremely intuitive and can tell when something's up.

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30 Days of DID || Day 12

Day Twelve: What’s the worst thing you’ve woken up to finding out your alter’s done? What’s the best?

The worst is probably having cut off all our friends and ruined several relationships, or the numerous self-harm incidents.

The best... it's always lovely when Mocha knocks all our chores out, honestly.

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30 Days of DID || Day 11

Day Eleven: How much control do you have over switches? Do you know of any specific things which cause specific alters to front?

We can switch easily if we want to, but we also sometimes do so subconsciously throughout the day as situations call for it.

Yes, we have specific things that cause specific alters to front, but we won't share them with anyone for our safety.

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30 Days of DID || Day 10

Day Ten: Have you ever done a system map? How extensively have you mapped your system?

No, we haven't. Maybe we should someday?

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30 Days of DID || Day 9

Day Nine: What level of co-consciousness do you have? How do you feel your communication skills are within the system? How do you want to grow in those skills?

We have very good communication most of the time, unless brain fog or whatever else gets in the way. Most of us are co-conscious most of the time. It took a lot of therapy and work to get here.

As for growth in those skills, there's... not much left to grow. We're happy and comfortable this way.

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30 Days of DID || Day 8

Day Eight: How did you first discover you were a system? Was it before, after, or during diagnosis?

It was after diagnosis. A long time after diagnosis, actually (2020), because we didn't even see the diagnosis made in 2014 until we got ahold of our psych records for court.

It was quite the slap in the face, so to speak.

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30 Days of DID || Day 7

Day Seven: How many parts do you know of in the system? How many know about each other?

This gets dicey due to fusion stuff and modularity. There are nine alters that we know of that are "base" alters, but they can sometimes snap together and break apart again if need be, so... technically, the number is ever-changing. Sodalite, for instance, is not an alter, but rather what happens when Cirrus and Mocha snap together. He ceases to exist when they're apart.

To my knowledge, everyone is aware of each other.

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30 Days of DID || Day 6

Day Six: How do you feel about talking about the trauma which created your condition? Do you like to write about it privately or publicly? Why?

To be honest, a lot of it isn't capital T trauma. In fact, the majority of it is fine to discuss because it's things like being in the hospital a lot as a small child and the inherent trauma involved in being an autistic military kid. It's nothing anyone did to us, so it doesn't feel shameful or anything to talk about.

Of course, there are things that came a bit later in our childhood that massively affected us, and those were things that were done to us. Those things weren't what MADE our system, necessarily - I firmly believe we would have DID without them - but they impacted us so heavily that it affected how our alters and presentation turned out. We don't necessarily talk about those things as much because that type and degree of trauna has led to us getting treated like dog shit by the community, but otherwise we'd probably be open to discussing it.

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30 Days of DID || Day 5

Day Five: How often do you switch? How often do you lose time? Talk a little about what dissociation is like for you.

At this current point in our life, we don't keep track of switches. It's not really necessary anymore, especially since we have a big foundation of trust in each other to handle what needs to get handled.

As for losing time, that's a great question. We honestly can't tell how often we do, but it's a lot less than we used to. Our days are very long now, which has its pros and cons. At the same time, we still have dysautonomia, the effects of repeated concussions, and ADHD, which causes some pretty nasty memory loss. The main difference is that nowadays, our working memory is what's shot to hell rather than our episodic memory.

We also don't have complete memory sharing all the time, so greyouts happen, but it's not significant enough to impact our life and we do tend to fill each other in on our way in and out of front. We haven't had somebody tell us about an event we went to and didn't know about or anything extreme like that in well over two years.

Dissociation is the same as ever. We've been in therapy a long time, so we've learned ways to snap out of it and our overall dissociative levels are much lower than they used to be. The experience is still the same, though. It feels like we're suspended in fog and artificial, unable to form coherent thoughts and very much running on autopilot. Coming out of it feels like waking up and everything becomes "sharper". It's also much easier to notice and come out of now as compared to a couple of years ago, and it's no longer the default skill our brain uses.