I'm going great I guess @stormyweathersss - Tumblr Blog

society would be better if we gave cats more rights

you're so right and you should say it bestie

Fast forward a month later I met this girl in college. She was a classmate of mine who's very quiet and shy and somehow I am attracted to even though at this stage I'm just not prepared for anything. So me and her we just started talking and joking around in class (I'm somehow a class clown) which eventually I somehow got too deep into this and suddenly had a small crush on her. It somehow felt wrong to be doing that after a bad event that happened last month but at the same time it seems difficult to get over it either. So me having that "fuck it" mentality I just tried shooting my shot even though I'm quite scared that the same thing might happen again and I do not want to go through that again but here we are, so after telling her that I kinda liked her, she said that she kinda likes me too which for me is somehow a compliment in my life haha. From what I heard from her friend is she finds me attractive too which I pretend I did not hear that.

So the first time we went out I'm kind of nervous but eventually got my shit together and tried to make the day better or good for her which thank God it did. It was during Phase 2 so we need to have our masks on. But she, being the shy girl she is. Decided not to take off her mask when food is serve because she's shy that I'll see her face and I kind of find it cute haha. So I'll just turn around when she's taking a bite which is cool for me I guess. It's the first time I made it this far with someone haha. So we went out a few times and talked on Telegram most of the time and like around 2-3 months later I decided to take a step further and decided to be together with her. Which for me is a difficult step to do since I always get the "no" from them when doing this haha but this time it turned out differently. She said yes! And I was kinda shocked but at the same time happy for myself too and I fell in love with her very much after that. She was the first girl that I've ever hugged and kissed after a long time. I really hope we last quite long and being in love with someone that accepts you for who you are and accepting your flaws are someone which I'm happy to have. I just, love her ya know.

I have a good feeling about this.

#Spotify

January 11 2021

It's kind of a sad date and day for me but you gotta let it out ya know.

Here's what happened.

I have a huge crush on this girl like for 3 years and I actually changed a lot for her like quitting cigarettes and other bad things but sadly she kept rejecting me but I never gave up till around 2020 which is the breaking point and my last run for this and from there if she rejects me that'll be the last time I'll do it and just be a friend to her. So eventually I confessed for the last time and sadly she rejected me again.

Then fast forward the following week which is January 11 she decided to video call me on the wrong time when I'm having too much on my mind and I'm just emotionally broken. I was like "why suddenly she want video call me?" So me being on the bus waiting for the stop I decided to pick up and suddenly a guy's face appeared. So I'm like a bit shocked but don't really care at the same time. So me and the guy have some conversation for a bit about him knowing me liking her for quite long. Few moments later he said "Actually, I'm her boyfriend".

From that point I can't really say anything so I just ended the call and cried a bit on the bus. The next song that played on my playlist was December by Neck Deep and it just added more emotions into it. I was on my way skating and trying to forget that just happened to me but somehow it doesn't really work and acting like I'm numb to pain doesn't really work either even having that "fuck it" mentality doesn't help that much.

Few days later she blocked me on all social medias and any messaging apps. And from that day I told myself not to be vulnerable or fall in love with anyone that easily. Changing myself for someone isn't worth the time either. All that 3 years of friendship and memories are wasted in a blink of an eye. Sad shit but she was my first love. A first love that never happened.

#Spotify

It's been quite long since I wrote something here.

It's been quite a hectic year and 2021 is not even near the end yet but a lot of things has been happening but it's always best to overcome it no matter how hard it is. January 23rd was kind of a hurtful day but I'm getting better as time passed by. A girl whom I had a crush on for like 4 years has finally found someone and I'm happy for her in all sorts of ways. Even though what she did to me was kind of hurtful but sometimes I think I deserved it. I always wished that I could rewind back time and correct every mistakes I ever felt like I did to her but I guess the only thing time can do is move forward. As it goes forward I too have to move on with all this. It's been a hard time for me to accept all this things and move forward with my life as I kept living in denial. Then the turning point was me realizing that in life, not everyone will ever feel the same way as you and I have to learn to accept the fact that she will never be a part of my life as it used to be before and the only way of loving her was letting her go and be happy for her. Whatever she did was forgiven but I will never know if she will forgive me but that'll be another story. It hurt at first but as time passed by, you'll get better. Like they say, "time heals everything". But I guess it's also time to accept the truth that she is no longer a part of my life anymore. Like the song above says: Bitter truths is better.

That concludes for today.

#Spotify

furynkazan

Parallelism

jonimtchell

I tried taking a shot of the moon but the ISO made it look noisy

#photogtaphy #photographers on tumblr #moon #night #nikonasia

I spend 10-3am watching Stephen Chow movies.

*THIS MAY NOT MAKE SENSE*

Whatever I write doesn't anyway so,

I'm not really a fan of Radiohead seeing that I'm more into punk rock even though I'm open to any genres anyway but this song somehow drew my attention mostly because of Thom Yorke's voice and the lyrical content of this song but the chord progression and the melody somehow made me daydream about things that I would actually love to have like a perfect love life or running down the hall chasing my girl.

(Haha) but the moment he sang "if you think that you're strong enough, nice dream." I look back and thought to myself with what I've been going through. I'm just not strong enough to endure everything since I already had a lot to take in from others without having someone to talk to or pour out my feelings to. Which is kind of a reason why I created tumblr.

"If you think you belong enough, nice dream." It was this part that actually made me (almost) tear up because from the group of people I'm in, I always try to do funny things or whatnots just to get them to like me but it took me few years to realize I'm just an attention seeking idiot. Which is why I grew up and not do anything that makes me feel like I fit in with them. And now I realized that my presence doesn't really matter to them since they all made me left out on everything(I guess). Now I said to myself "wait, that's almost everyone! F****!" But I guess that's okay since my presence doesn't matter to them, then that means my absence doesn't too! Now I just do what I like the most which is music and skateboarding(typical teenage stuff). But writing music makes me express whatever feelings I have in me into any musical form or just straightforward screaming it out. Skateboarding on the other hand makes me feel alive(? If that's the word) even though I just learned it and I kinda suck at it ngl but it makes me happy somehow. And meeting new people at skateparks is like a new experience since everyone there is so nice haha. Either way I'm fine and not thinking of doing anything stupid. Im just venting the shit out of myself because of one song haha.

Thanks for reading!