i just realised that, all this time i miss the memories of you and not you. i made you special in my head till the point i cant even see your flaws and shit things you had done to me. looking back, i never properly heal from things you had done to me. the first attempt was i saw your snap with nani, you said āyou look good bā and she had been sending you thirst trap. second was the johor girl, we were there together yet you made the choice to sleep with the girl. third was hannan. hannan was my biggest ptsd that i recovered it by myself. i remember how hard and how i will feel suffocated around places that you went with her, things that you gave her, the pictures,, it was very devastated and i overcome it myself. then, all the lies you told me, and how you left me hanging and leave me for embun. so, yes, i never healed from things that youve done to me. so i dont think going to have a future with you should be a goood idea. i sacrifice alot of things for you, but i never get nice things from you instead. i put my effort, my money, my energy and i never get the same thing in return. you are selfish and i really think youre kinda fucked in the head. so if you decided to come back, just so you know i never and will never healed from things that you did to me. you gave the world to them, while i had to beg on my knees and hands for it. took me months to realised that you are a good person, but not a good lover. if you ever want to come back into my life, just know that im not letting you. the damage you had done to me was so damaging that i dont ever want to feel that way ever again.