Humans Baffle Aliens

I reblog posts about humans confusing aliens and also write a few of my own!

[writing-prompt-s]

“Humans are average in everything basically and you are saying that we shouldn’t invade them. You are kidding, right?” The alien king looked at the prophet. “They might not have shown anything special thus far, until you decide to go and wage war.”

[nemothesurvivor]

It’s been eight Imperial years. To the Humans, that’s almost twenty of their years. And yet, they do not relent. Two civilizations gathered with my own to conquer the Humans, and now humanity stands at our doorstep with one of my allies, while the other has been obliterated from existence.

How did this happen? Humans are average in everything, compared to the Twelve Galactic Civilizations. I thought that made them easy to conquer. They were weaker than the Orto and the Ki, dumber than the Miltias and Yurru, slower than the Avt or Quz, less durable than the Hragh and Ollp. Less varied than the Totop. Not as loyal as my own kin, the Yipt. As such, I thought it would be simple to gather the Orto and Yurru and launch an assault against the ally-less Humans. Our combined strengths would crush them, and the war would be over within a year.

I was wrong.

Our first mistake was to assume the Humans would try to outsmart or outmuscle us. At first, it appeared that they did intent to do just that, as they fell time and time again against our superior battle strategies and unstoppable might. But, merely a cycle into the Imperial calendar they brought the war to a halt. We were no longer able to win any battles.

As I look back, the answer is clear, but at the time, we were all confused. What genius strategy could the Humans concoct to outsmart the Yurru? The answer was simplicity. The Humans executed strategy after strategy, using a limited set of maneuvers that wouldn’t fill a year of Yurru military training. And as the Yurru prepared for every outcome, looking for the flank, feint, ambush, or distraction, the Humans took advantage of the spread thin Orto and Yipt and defeated our troops skirmish after skirmish. It was ingenious, actually. The Yurru would be so enamored with trying to see the hidden strike that the only way to take them by surprise was to have no surprise at all. It took almost five Imperial years for the Yurru to figure that out, but by then, they turned on us and joined the Humans.

But, even when the intelligent strategists of the Yurru failed, surely the brawn of the Orto would defeat the Humans. Again, the Humans proved us wrong. Orto are strong beasts, able to wield four weapons at once and a single Orton can tear apart even the strongest barricades. Instead of fighting these creatures in direct battle, the Humans relied on ranged weaponry, noisemakers, and EMPs. The Orto are nearly blind, relying on hearing to locate their prey, so the Humans engaged them at long range while deafening them. With EMPs preventing the Orto from using technology to rush the Humans, the Humans had the advantage due to their eyesight and fine motor control that the Orto lacked. Because the Humans had no strength, there was no disadvantage to switching how they fought, even in the middle of a battle.

No, I have to state the truth. I have been lying to everyone, to myself, for this entire war. Humans do have a strength, as my prophet warned me about all those years ago. And that strength became apparent in the fourth year of war.

Halfway through the fourth year, the Humans bombarded the Orto homeworld. The last of the Orto were pleading with the Galactic Council to force the Humans to spare their home. The Humans refused, saying how the Orto spared no mercy for the Human homeworld (which was true, as three Orto battalions landed on Earth and killed almost eight million Humans before being killed themselves). The Human then said that they would ignore any order by the Council to stop, as the Orto ignored the Council’s orders to have the battalions surrender to the Humans as POWs. The Council sided with the Humans, and now the Orto are a scattered people with no worlds of their own. A fate my people are soon to share.

As the Humans crushed the Orto, the Yurru prepared to directly enter the war. Yurru are slow to act in war with their own forces, but once they are fully engaged in war, they can fight for years without losing a single soldier. Each Yurru is trained with an in depth knowledge of their opponent, able to know what their enemy was doing before they do. And so the Yurru, armed long range weapons, armor, and the last four years of Human strategy, prepared to outgun the Humans. And the Humans met their challenger head on.

After the first ten battles of the fifth year, the Yurru lost almost half of their forces, in addition to over four hundred thousand of my own forces.

The Humans adapted the Yurru’s strategy for the Orto, relying on close quarters engagements and brute force to win fights. The Yurru are slow to change strategies, as they overanalyze every action, so they were unprepared for the Humans to completely change how they waged war within a single cycle. The strategists the Yurru sent us quickly returned to their homeworld to study the Human’s new strategies to try and come up with their own to counter them. And after the Yurru left, the Humans came for us.

Without the superior strategies of the Yurru, we were forced to fight with our own. The Humans and Yipt are nearly equal in intelligence, leading to another stalemate in the war. That is, until Yurru left us and allied with the Humans. Even then, the Humans refused to let the Yurru lead their battalions. It was a matter of pride to the Humans at this point.

The turning point came during the seventh year. A Human woman by the name of Helen Smith led her forces against one of my generals, Jurt Lonu Kitr. Lonu captured several of Smith’s soldiers, and Smith captured several of Lonu’s. After a short negotiation, they agreed to exchange POWs. On the day of the exchange, Smith and Lonu gathered their hostages. Smith then commanded her own troops to shoot the captured Humans before the exchange could take place. As Lonu looked upon the slaughter, confused and appalled, Smith ordered Lonu to surrender, otherwise she would kill the Yipt hostages. Our loyalty, our greatest strength, was turned against us as Lonu surrendered to spare the lives of his soldiers.

And slowly, over the next year, the Humans pushed us back, planet by planet. They took advantage of our loyalty by only wounding our soldiers. If we moved to help the injured, the Humans kill the Yipt sent to help, but if we didn’t, our soldiers became physically sick and distraught. Breaking bonds can kill Yipt; the Humans have taken more lives than they realize by forcing us to leave the injured behind.

The Humans have breached the palace gates. My guards will defend me to the last, wishing to die loyal and together than unloyal and alone. I will offer no resistance. My delegate in the Council has informed me the Council will not stop the Humans from conquering our home. No more with the cyan fields of Ot or the indigo lakes of Gerotphylt, where three of my mates once lived before the evacuation, belong to the Yipt.

And now I must confess to the truth. The Council believed the Humans were average in all things. But that is a lie, a lie that we so willingly believed that when shown otherwise, we chose not to believe it. The Humans do have strengths, as my prophet could see. Strengths borne from their life of averages, strengths that are not apparent until it is too late to unsee them. Bloodlust. Ruthlessness. Tenacity. Adaptability. Hatred. Among the Council races, these Human traits are second to none. However, as my end draws near, I realize now what strength the Humans truly possess.

As I face my own destruction, I must acknowledge that Humanity’s lone strength, a strength unrivaled by all, is War.

[mindfulmountaineer-deactivated2]

Humans Are Weird: Rock Bottom

        Despite what Adam said, Zork'ak still needed to obtain nutrients for xer body at the scheduled time. Xe entered the room as most of the other Klyls and humans were leaving. Xe were collecting xer meal when Knycuz appeared next to xem. Xe jumped slightly, xer senses so muted that xe had not noticed the Klyl approaching xem.

        “Knycuz.”

        Xe inclined xer head. “I finished my debriefing with the Commander. Xe wishes to see you.” Knycuz’s eyes cut down to where Zork'ak was holding a bowl between xer talons. “After you finish with second meal.”

        “I will report.” Knycuz inclined xer head once more and continued out of the room.

        Zork'ak entered the Commander’s room, who was studying the notes pulled up across xer multiscreened desk. “Zork'ak, sit,” xe said without looking up.

        Zork'ak did, folding xer talons in xer lap and waiting until the Commander looked up. Xe were careful to school xer features into a neutral mask.

        “You had a deadline for a detailed report three cycles ago.” The Commander finally lifted xer nearly black eyes to look at Zork'ak.

        “My report has been uploaded, Commander.”

        The Commander rose from xer chair and walked around to the front of the desk, stopping in front of Zork'ak. “Your report had no analytic information. It had scarce useful information.”

        “The report consisted of pack bonding information.”

        The Commander crossed xer upper extremities. “It was neither new information nor drew any conclusions.”

        “I am still working on an extensive analysis with recent events.”

        “Why are this events not included in the report?”

        “I did not find it effective to include partial events that do not supply information.”

        The Commander dropped xer extremities. “That is what your reports have been.”

        Zork'ak’s eyes focused on spot on of xer talons, carefully examining as xe said, “I have been reporting what I have been observing.”

        “I am aware that you have little to observe as you only spend time with one human.”

        Zork'ak’s eyes snapped upwards. “That is false information.”

        “Klyls do not lie, Zork'ak. It brings no success.” Zork'ak opened xer mouth, but the Commander silenced xem with the wave of xer talons. “I am reassigning you.”

        Zork'ak’s control slipped, xer mouth falling open. “What?”

        The Commander was walking back around to sit behind xer desk. “You are to no longer waste time with useless reports. I am reassigning you back to the behavioral analyst lab.”

        “You want me to design experiments and read reports on my humans.”

        “Your humans?” The Commander’s eyes narrowed.

        Zork'ak was trying to find to hide xer human attachment. “They are the humans who trust me and, therefore, give me better insight.”

        “Your attachment is causing unexpected problems in the research we are conducting here.” The Commander was back to scrolling through xer notes. “You are dismissed.”

        Zork'ak balled xer talons, biting back the anger in xer throat, breathing in deeply through xer nose. “Yes, Commander.”

        Zork'ak left the office, hardly making it back to xer office before xe rammed xer talons into the metal wall. Of course, it had been built to withstand more than a group of Klyl’s strength combined and simply sent pain radiating up xer extremity. For some reason, though, Zork'ak did not mind it, the pain. It was more manageable than the Commander ripping away the only thing xe had left.

        “We call it ‘hitting rock bottom.’ When you keep losing things, and it’s the last straw. So it’s like you said, how you just punched a wall. You lost everything all at once.”

        Zork'ak nodded, looking at Adam underneath the moonlight. “What do you do when you’ve lost it all? Am I just supposed to go work in a lab I never want to go back to? The Commander expects me to no longer interact with all of you as I should not be attached.”

        “The only way to go is up.”

        “What?”

        Adam smirked. “If you are at the bottom of a hole, how do you get out of it?”

        Zork'ak cocked xer head. “I guess you would climb out.”

        Adam nodded. “So to get out of this hole you’re in, the only way to go is up.”

[bonecleaver]

Humans are weird- Building way too small

This post was inspired by me reading this book series called aeon-14. 

You know how in a lot of sci-fi there are nano machines of some sort what if nano machinery was unique to humans. But aeon-14 takes it further with pico tech which can literally rearrange neutrons. Just imagine if aliens don’t have anything like either. Also with pico you can literally grow star ships, but in this scenario there will be no pico.

This scenario will have alien doctors trying to heal a wounded human soldier who happens to be full of nano and a very snarky AI to help guide it.

side note I sat on this story for nearly a year without doing anything.

———————————————————————————————————–

When the med bay called to say they were having trouble with the patient i was expecting him to be conscious and trying to resist not still asleep. When I asked one of the medics to tell me how he is resisting they just said there was an AI inside his head. 

“So I have an AI implanted in me so why is it giving you guys trouble.” 

“It seems to have control of some sort of supreme immune system that is destroying all of our attempts to get in and figure out what happened”. 

“Have you tried reasoning with it?” 

“No because we do not not have AIs.” I go to let our AIs talk.

-Please stand back I am currently healing him with medic nano-

-What is nano- 

-You have to be kidding me-

-I am not kidding you what is nano-

-nano is the shortened form of the word nano bots and nano bots are microscopic machines that can be used for a wide variety of things-

-how much longer will you take-

-give me 1 hour then he will be able to walk and talk normally-

-ok-

So how is the AI healing him

-tiny machines called nano bots-

they wait the hour for him to heal up and explain who and what he is.

Where am I Jeffery

-the living world Steve-

No shit Sherlock. but really where am i 

-in some sort of alien sick bay-

did you say alien

-yes they seem to be some ugly blue things that don’t even have nano-

they don’t have nano?

- they were trying to stab into you to heal you-

absolutely barbaric! Have you made contact with them?

-Yes, but it was difficult to translate what I was doing in their language.-

Could you give me a download of their language?

-No I only translated the words I needed.-

Really

-No of course I translated everything, but be careful of using slang or idioms as I have no idea if they will translate over.- 

I open my eyes as the first biological human to see an alien species, and boy are they different but also not

“Hello?”

“Oh he is awake” said one of the aliens that I assume is some sort of doctor or nurse

“Tell the captain” said another.

“Who are you guys”

“AHHH! How do you know our language?”

“AI”

“Oh right my mistake”

So I learn they call themselves the Taulins and are about human build and shape except for the fact they have six eyes and are varying shades of blue. Then I told them I am a Human soldier for the great Bonesawstrian Empire.

I ask if they have a Galaxy map with where their systems are and they begrudgingly give it. 

“so you just have about twenty systems under their control” I then overlay a map of Human controlled space and they are just blown away with the fact that humanity controls about a third of the galaxy.

I decide to probe why they don’t have nano. The captain tells me

“We don’t have nano due to a large scale nano disaster that killed all life on a planet. After seeing that our government decided to outlaw nano and occasionally show video of the event to make sure it does not happen again.”

“Well that does make sense as to why my AI had trouble translating what it was doing into your language.”

After parting ways with the aliens I reported back my government that aliens are out there and relatively equal in tech but not in levels of empire development.

————————————————————————————————–

To be continued?

[thededfa]

On the months my research team and I were allowed to live on Earth and observe their habitat I noted the following about human young:

- human young will turn anything into a weapon to mock battle their peers, broom sticks, straws, even their food

- when in large groups human young will display games of mock hunts against each other. The two most common being “tag” where one young will try to catch the other young acting as prey, and “mob” where all of the young will try to catch a single young who acts as the prey. This suggests an instinctive ability for both pack and solo hunting

- human young will often hone their stalking and hunting skills by hiding or attempting to sneak up on others and pouncing with loud sounds meant to intimidate and frighten. This is considered amusing for the attacker and victim  

- adult humans will often mock attack their young with their hands or objects to train the young to protect their vital areas and avoid injury. The young find this amusing and will quickly learn to train each other in this manner

- young humans will often attack and attach themselves to an older human’s legs, arms, or back, hanging on despite being dragged or carried while the adult human walks away. Both humans seems to find the experience entertaining 

- young humans are extremely territorial and will attempt to drive off others from food, toys, and areas they have claimed as theirs with physical and verbal attacks. Fortunately, most adult humans actively try to train this behavior out, insisting the young come to an agreement or share resources and territory. 

- young humans constantly search for new territory, dens, and resources. They will climb trees, shelving, anything they can reach. They will climb under and behind things. If there are no suitable hiding areas they will construct them out of blankets and cushions or any other available item. 

- young humans display a strong pack instinct, quickly forming social groups and defending their group against other groups. Often they will split their own group in order to mock battle each other in contests

- HUMAN YOUNG WILL BITE IF DISTRESSED OR ANGRY AND EMIT LOUD NOISES THAT CALL MATURE HUMANS TO AID THEM

- human young will beg for domesticated carnivores as companions, and if gifted with one will pack bond with it to an extreme point.

- human young will carry a toy and try to protect and nurture it as if the toy was their own young

- human young require constant stimulation in the form of games or information. They will constantly question things and can spend extraordinary amounts of time asking “why”, often while poking the subject in question

- human young will try to eat anything at least once. Anything. If it will fit into their mouth they will attempt to eat it. If it will not fit into their mouth they will lick it. 

-human young will voluntarily deprive themselves of oxygen to the point of unconsciousness in an attempt to trigger protective instincts in older humans so they get their way

- human young display great interest in mimicry, often dressing up as different professions, species, and objects. They also display great skill in mimicking the calls and body language of other species.        *Example: one human young had me quite concerned there was another Treawalbil in distress and I searched for quite some time before I discovered that the young was mimicking a Treawalbil distress trill with complete accuracy.       *Second Example: Human young have begun to wear wear “hats” with artificial crests similar to a Treawalbil and some have begun painting colorful patterns to their arms in imitation of our camouflage. 

- human young communicate constantly and spread information quickly not only among their own social group but other social groups as well.     *Example: The human young who mimicked a Treawalbil distress trill taught their social group and soon I was surrounded by human young calling out in distress. This caused the Treawalbil researchers much anxiety so the adult humans suggested teaching the young other calls. The human young learned enough for basic communication at an astonishing rate, but then other social groups we had not taught began using the same calls as well. Even adult humans began using the calls to communicate with us without translators. 

- Young humans will gift beings and creatures they believe to be in their social group with handmade objects, interesting specimens they have collected, or food. Strangely enough, a being does not have to be human in order to belong to a human’s social group. 

[ourshyartcollection]

Humans are Weird: Zombies

Fungus zombies to be exact, because it seems more plausible as an actual outbreak then the other zombie plague types.

Me’kel wasn’t a fan of working with humans, even on colonization missions; due to always finding them unsuitable with their off putting silliness, or as they called it “mood lighting”, which she never understood, it’s not even possible to illuminate and abstract concept such as mood. Later on she begrudgingly accepted working with a strange human squad who called themselves the “Lucky Red Shirts”, when she asked why their leader stated that the name was ironic and a reference to some popular human franchise called “Star-Trek”.

The mission was simple, two solar rotations ago a small inhabited planet was quarantined due to a bio terrorist attack using a modified strain of some earth fungus she couldn’t pronounce, or cared to for that matter “Ophio- something or other”. She and the “Red Shirts”, were tasked with scouting the planet to see if the plague has dissipated. While putting on her EV hazmat suit she was approached by Splatter, one of the humans she was working with on this mission and the one she found tolerable enough to consider befriending, “what do you want human, I’m in the middle of suiting up”.

He then proceeded to remove his EV suit and then proceeded to put it back on again, “see, now we’re both suiting up giving us a perfect opportunity to talk”.

Me’kel, not wanting to prolong this and just finish the mission decided to shrug him off, “look here, I don’t like humans, your species is too unpredictable and chaotic, and your “squad”, is the most unruly group of people I have ever met and your splatter mess you call “hair-dye”, is just another example of lacking discipline”.

She waited for him to become aggravated and storm off allowing her to be alone, but strangely he didn’t, all she did was make this strange human fall on the floor doubling over in laughter, “Oh-, oh my god-, ha!, ha!, ha!”, after he finished his frantic laughing he stood up whipping the tears from his eyes and patting the dust off of his pants, he then looked to Me’kel and slapped her on the back, “Oh, wow, now that was funny, I haven’t laughed like that since a bunch of pirates thought helium was poisons to humans, and my dye job is pretty shitty but blame god for giving me poliosis cause even I can’t fuck up hair this much”.

From the other side of the hanger one of the humans shouted, “that’s a lie, you would definitely fuck it up Splatter”.

“Name one time Bits, name one!”, Splatter retorted

“The time you set your hair on fire”, he didn’t say a thing but gave her a vulgar gesture using both of his hands, “your only doing that cause I’m right”, the human known as Bits then walked away in a triumphant stride.

Splatter then chuckled slightly, “the things you said about us are things that me and my friends haven’t heard before, and in all honesty they’re right, we’re just a bunch of massive fuck ups who turn everything into a disaster within the first five minutes, and I wouldn’t have anyone else besides them”, she was surprised on how this human could go from silly to composed in only a few short minutes of meeting him, perhaps he wasn’t an idiot after all.

“You’ve strangely surprised me, well for a hum-”, and out of nowhere Splatter kissed her on her cheek, her face became flushed from ether embarrassment or rage, she honestly didn’t know.

“Besides, how could I get mad at someone so cute”, as he gave her a mischievous smirk he walked away, rage was defiantly the emotion she was feeling right now.

Later on the planets surface, “so Splatter what did you learn?”, the humans squads boss chimed.

“Never flirt with the alien amazon who’s two feet taller then me”, he winced as he was still recovering from the pain of getting a black eye from Me’kel.

She sighed in annoyance, “let’s just get this over with, I don’t want to be here then is necessary”.

Three hours into their mission and nothing, no life signs and no sound, excluding the wind, not even the sound of the animals of this planet; the humans leader, simply known as Boss, began to air out his expressed boredom, “look, we’ve been here long enough, my squad was hired to scout and we’ve done that, lets call for a pickup and be done here”.

“No, something else is going on here”, everyone looked at Dex, the teams forensics and investigation specialist, “look around you, tell me exactly what all of you see”, everyone started looking around trying to find what exactly Dex noticed, after everyone gave a shrug of ignorance he sighed and buried his face, through his EV suit, in his hand, “my god your all so stupid, look around you!, this planet was hit by a fungal plague right?, so where are the bodies?!, there should be thousands littering the streets yet this whole city is empty, why?”

“Planetary CDC protocol dictates that all infected are to be relocated to near by hospitals for containment”, Me’kel explained.

“True, that would explain the emptiness if this was a small rural suburb, but right now we’re in the middle of a-”, the group suddenly heard a clattering sound coming from one of the nearby buildings, Boss then cautioned everyone to slowly back away from where the sound came from and gestured for everyone to arm their rifles.

Boss was the first to speak up, but did so in hushed whispers, “hey Me’kel, all your superiors said when they hired my squad was that we’d be dealing with a modified earth virus, they never told me which”.

Me’kel whispered, “the ships doctor said it was some kind of fungus called Ophio-some, I couldn’t-”.

“Ophiocordyceps Unilateralis”, Me’kel turned to Dex who’s face became visibly pale as his eyes showed pure terror, “was that its name?”, he then grabbed  Me’kels suit shaking her and whisper yelled, “was that its name?!”.

“Yes!, yes!, stop shaking me!”, Dex then let go of her suit and stumbled backwards as if he was about to faint.

Dex then turned his attention to Boss, “we need to leave, we need to leave right now!”, Boss stood silent for a moment then stoically nodded, and ordered for everyone to double time it to the extraction point, all to Me’kels protests.

“What why?”, she stood there in confusion until Splatter grabbed her arm and pulled her with the rest of the group, “our missions not done, we atleast need to leave a prob or something.”

Splatter then looked at her with a worried expression, “listen cutie, Dex is the most level headed and logical of our squad and if he’s that scared then we all should be”, Ma’kel was about to continue her protest, considering level headed for human standards was a complete opposite to hers, until an unnatural screech echoed through the streets, and just as they were about to board there shuttle a swarm of the cities inhabitants with strange growths growing from them charged towards them at barreling speed.

“Open fire”, as boss gave the order his entire squad began to unload their ammunition at the unrelenting mob but to no avail.

“That!,thats why we have to leave, fucking zombies!”, Dex yelled.

In Me’kels confusion, “a what?”

“Never mind, just get in”.

Me’kel and the others managed to board the shuttle in time and leave; Splatter and Bits were panting heavily although Bits was the only one to say anything, “nobody said their’d be fucking zombies”, she then turned to Me’kel, “and you!, didn’t you think it was important to tell us that the virus we were dealing with was a fucking zombie virus”, Bits was about to sock Me’kel in her jaw but was pulled back by Boss pulled her back.

“Bits cool it!, she was in the dark too, all she knew as the name she didn’t what it was”, Bits then shrugged off Boss and backed away, “lets just head back and debrief your captain Me’kel”.

“That idea is, acceptable”, she would be glad that this ordeal would be over, but something tells her that this wouldn’t be the last time she would be on this planet.

Sorry if this is sloppy.

and if this gets good recognition I might continue this, but if not I’ll leave this as a solo story  

[alice-and-cheshire-cat]

I found this thing on Facebook… and I fell down the Humans Are Weird hole yet again. 😂(I first did before I even started my blog - Pinterest is sooo full of these posts! And I keep falling down it from time to time, when I discover something new)

[pay-per-crime]

Humans Are Weird: Apex Predators

So imagine this: on most other worlds, the sentient race is the one best equipped to defeat the other creatures in combat. They have the natural weaponry to deal with everything that the other creatures on their planet can throw at them, and only developed society and/or technology because the planet itself started trying to kill them (through natural climate change, tectonics, or something else). So a lot of the other races are used to relying on their own bodies for weaponry and defense and so on, and it’s Terrans who are used to just building something to get around a problem.

Giant Cat Centaur Thing: Wait how are you still alive? Our reconnaissance says there are animals that outclass you on a Natural Danger Scale by at least fifteen levels!

Human: Uh. We just. Build stuff.

GCCT: But you are not built for building! You are built for nothing but standing, and that badly!

Human: Well, we build little things and then use the little things to build bigger things, and so on.

GCCT: I do not understand.

Human: It’s the hands, honey.

[strangehumansinouterspace]

how aliens would react to seeing the 116 photos we launched into space?

So, in case anyone didn’t know, NASA launched 116 pictures into space in an attempt to explain what humans are like. Some of these are… well, weird? I mean, they all show different aspects of humans, whether they are about our anatomy or our society, but, for example, the supermarket one is just this woman eating whatever in front of a supermarket racket which doesn’t really explain anything to someone who doesn’t know what the supermarket is in the first place. Also, the knowledge about our anatomy and such that we launched could only be transmitted if we rely on the hope that aliens will have the same symbols to represent elements. Which, let’s be honest, they probably don’t. 

Their reaction will probably be somewhere along the lines of “Oh my god, look at this mindless babble with this odd symbols that we didn’t create and can’t understand…. meh” 

At least, if we go by our current haw assumption that curiosity is much more of a human thing than anything.

I mean, I highly doubt they’ll understand any of the pictures, and if they do, our existence won’t really affect them unless we expand our civilisation beyond Earth, so I can’t really see them caring. 

Here is a link to the NASA and some of the pictures. 

Sorry for the long wait on replying to this!!

[zevveli]

The A.C.T.O.R.S. Program

[At 5078 words this is the longest post of this kind I’ve made, story under Read More because it kind of got away from me.]

In an attempt to create better peace and understanding between galactic races the humans of the Earth Allied Systems created a program known as the “Astronaval Cross-Training Outreach Research Session” or A.C.T.O.R.S. (something that a human in training program referred to as a “backronym” claiming that “the suits would never sign off on it without a ‘cool’ name.”) The A.C.T.O.R.S. program was ingenious; Alberria and several other “astronauts”, as the humans called them, were selected from the various galactic races of whom the humans had good relations with, and sent to undergo training with the new astronaval recruits among the humans. It was not at all surprising to see the stocky fur-covered Alethi present, as they had nothing but respect for humans since their help with the treatment and extermination of the “blood-rot” which turned out to be nothing more than a bacterial infection, albeit a very aggressive one that still claimed a not-insignificant number of those infected even with treatment. Nor was he surprised to see the bulky carapaces of the Mosarri, they seemed quite similar according to rumors so the only options were for them to be aggressive foes or for them to “get on like a house on fire” as the humans put it. However Alberria was surprised to see the highly xenophobic Stenthrass present. The creatures, with long serpentine bodies, rarely dealt with other races, and almost never on what anyone would call “good terms.”

Keep reading

[femerithian]

Threat gestures and new info

Okay so you know how most of the humans are weird posts have a lot of human gestures seen as threats? Well the humans in those posts seem to have no clue about that.

So what if they really don’t have a clue?

What if nobody told them, and of course they wouldn’t think to ask, especially with all the aliens doing their best to learn how to interact with humans.

What if a human was on a crew and there was a species for which practically everything the human did to be friendly was a sign of aggression for their species. What if that made the alien extremely scared of the human. Of course the human would eventually ask, “why” after all humans are known for our curiosity.

So finally the human learns they’ve unintentionally been threatening their entire crew while trying to be friendly and they are like, “wtf, why didn’t anybody say anything sooner?” And dispite most of the aliens being all, “It’s okay, we understand” the human is all like, “no way, teach me how you behave, I wanna get it right.”

So then they study constantly how to be friendly and such toward all their different crew members, and what they view as threatening. Even though lots of the things are impossible and they still slip up here and there they try their best. They especially go out of their way for the species that is super afraid of them.

They even document it and send a copies off to other humans, and official bodies. Finally all the humans in space are trying their best for their crews and adding different species research. Now all the humans know and insist on getting detailed info for every new crewmember’s species just so they can make a good first impression.

If anybody wants to add to or use this idea go ahead, I love reading these :3

[colonelshootingstar-deactivated]

Humans are Comic Book Monsters

You know how little kids will obsess over monsters and aliens? They’ll pretend to be scary creatures with their friends, they’ll read comic books about them, play with action figures, etc etc…

Imagine if young aliens are not much different from our children on Earth. They have their own made-up monsters (though they are tamer compared to deathworld mythos).

Imagine if an alien child met a human, a “creature” that their species deems to be horrifying.

Imagine how excited an alien child would be to have their own “badass monster” to be friends with and defend them from bullies.

Like, a human from dad’s work comes over to visit and the whole family has to get used to his presence because he’s scary as hell, but then this little alien is like “SO COOL!” and tries their hardest to pry about the human’s “powers” and stuff.

The dad tells his kid to leave the human alone, but the human finds the kid to be rather endearing and fuels their imagination further by talking about monsters he liked growing up; maybe he even stops by again and brings some comics or monster movies from Earth.

Sometimes they’ll even run around outside and the little alien will pretend to be a soldier like their dad and the human will be a alien abomination and they’ll play-fight for hours on end.

Then the little alien gets caught in a scrap with your typical schoolyard bullies, but the human shows up to pick the kid up from school because mom’s busy and the bullies haul ass as soon as they see him. The little alien was so scared, so they run up to their human friend and wrap their appendages around his leg and never leg go.

They come home and mama alien is so worried about her kid, but the human offers reassurance and mama alien starts barraging him with “thank you”s and even offers to let him stay for dinner.

Wouldn’t that be something?

[strangehumansinouterspace]

How about the uncanny valley?

A bit of history on Uncanny Valley.

In 1970, a Japanese (i believe) robotics engineer by the name of Masahiro Mori coined the term of ‘uncanny valley’. This term describes our strange revulsion towards things that appear nearly human, but just don’t quite get there. Masahiro of course noticed this through the way people reacted to his robots, but the term in itself may include animations (jsjs mainly video game CGI).

It has been associated with the failure of some projects, most notably ‘Final Fantasy’, a film which put extreme effort into making its CGI characters as realistic as possible, and ultimately that was its downfall.

Anyways, yeah! It’s really weird how we tend to react negatively to things that aren’t human but closely resemble us. However, it’s not entirely unexplained? Humanities fears have changed through generations, and as technology advances, it becomes more common for people to have robots or AI programs amongst their main fears in sense of threats. We have seen it time and time again in the media, how technology takes over. So having something that we know is part of this possible next dominant group resemble us so closely IS quite creepy.

Aliens would probably be weirded out by how repulsed we are by this, though! I mean, it’s not like we actually KNOW why we are repulsed individually, it just feels wrong, and that’s not exactly an explanation. They might try to get us accustomed to these human-like machines, you know, to overcome whatever negative feelings we have towards them, but ultimately I don’t think that would work.

Maybe they’d even try to help us create even MORE realistic robots because they might think that once it doesn’t look quite that wrong we won’t ‘fear’ it, but I still doubt that would work either!

I can almost picture the aliens going “bUT YOU CREATED THESE ‘ROBOTS’” in confusion as we explain our weird repulsion of them.

Thanks for sending in an ask, and I’m really sorry for the late reply!!

[furiousnerdflower]

Something that I’ve been thinking about for the whole “humans are weird” discourse, is how long it takes humans to reach maturity. In a lot of animals within the first couple years they are the same size as adult, in dogs their first year is actually equal to about 15 human years. 

So for aliens it must be very jarring to have a human show them a picture of a tiny human and think it’s 6 months come to find out it’s 9 years. And just them being dumbfounded to find out that it takes all of 18 years to become an adult for humans. I think it would be interesting because it would make more sense to other species why humans are so protective of everything. 

I also think what could be interesting is that humans are different in how connected they are to their family (obviously not all of them). Again in animals, like snow leopards, once they’ve taught their young how to hunt they rarely see them again. And in the halo books, the elites never even know their father and are raised in collective to give them equal footing. So what if some aliens over hear human crew mates talking about family reunions and get togethers for thanksgiving and asking them to explain further just enraptured that these humans remember and stay in touch with extended family and that cousins are considered close.  

I don’t know just family  

[updatebug]

Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship’s spending allowance? Like: 

“I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?” 

“Oh well, if we don’t rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth.” 

“…Noted.” 

“I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries.” 

“Ah, yeah, it’s not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it.”

“…that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard.”

“Yeah.”

“Does such a process not hurt?”

“That’l be what the medication’s for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process.” 

“…and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?” 

“Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo’Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?” 

“…I believe I should speak with my superiors.” 

[what-are-even-humans]

Submitted by anonymous

Double Jointed-ness

Can you imagine how aliens would react to someone who’s double jointed? They’d be bound to think the poor person went and broke themselves. Personally, I can bend either of my legs completely around to my chest, and we all know about the people who can grab their foot backwards behind their head, or pop joints out of socket(which I’m also capable of) 

Imagine it’s the middle of the work day, and an alien is walking by the break room, and hear two or three other crewmembers(likely also humans) gasping and freaking out. They rush in all worried, and see one of the other crewmates turned away, covering their mouth and trying not to puke, while the other just stares gaping. The alien gets closer, asking what the problem is, and then they see it. One of their humans bent up in a way that HAS to mean they’re injured. They know humans are hardy, and they’ve seen humans bounce back from injuries that the whole crew thought looked horrible… But this?

The alien rushes forward, telling the other crewmates to get on the com and call a medic, but the “injured” human just laughs, and sets whatever part they’ve been twisting or leaving out of place back to normal like some kind of robot, and whatever way the alien’s species expresses horror begins to rise to the surface as the human explains that, no, I’m fine! Really! I can take my joints in and out of socket at will.“

“That goes against everything we know about homosapien biology! How are you not screaming with pain?!“ 

"What? I’m just double jointed. Almost a quarter of people are I think, but a lot don’t put it into practice.”

“You have… Extra joints?…”

“No, no! I… How does it work… I think it’s just that my tendons and muscles are different? I don’t really know the science behind it, I didn’t study biology thar hard.”

“And it… Really doesn’t hurt you?" 

"Not a bit! If I leave something out of joint too long, it gets numb, yeah, but it usually doesn’t bother me ‘cause I do it a lot. And… I guess I’m more prone to actual dislocation, but I don’t worry too much about it. I can do it with my finger, too! Wanna see?”

The alien politely, but with clear fear, tells the human no, it’s not interested in seeing the human mock-break their own finger. The alien lumbers back out of the break room, feeling a little nauseated, and makes a mental note to let other members of the ship know that if human Leanna looks like they broke a bone, but is only grinning like they’re going to eat you, to not worry about it. And please, please don’t encourage it. 

[colonelshootingstar-deactivated]

Aliens Reacting to L’appel du vide, “the Call of the Void”

Many humans experience uncomfortable urges to either self-destruct, or cause destruction in certain situations.

Maybe a human, upon finding out they’re stronger and more physically capable than their fellow alien crew members, would start to imagine “hey, I could totally end your life right now if I wanted to… but I won’t because I love you guys”.

Or they may look out into the deep void of space through a window on the ship, and then have this incredible urge to open the hatch and jump out, knowing good and well they would die instantly.

I don’t think anyone has done this before, which is weird because this is definite proof that human beings are absolutely insane.

[injuries-in-dust]

So Young!

Most animals on earth are capable of reproducing until they die.

The animal kingdom is full of strange reproductive strategies, but when it comes to menopause, humans are among the weirdest. In just three species on the planet — humans, killer whales and pilot whales — do females routinely stop breeding years before the end of their lives. Human women spend about a third of their life span after menopause.

Menopause is the time in most women’s lives when menstrual periods stop permanently, and they are no longer able to bear children.

Many species become less fertile as they age. For instance, female chimpanzees experience declining fertility rates from their early 30s onward until their reproductive chances reach zero around age 45. What makes humans and some whales different is that they carry on living and surviving with good odds for so long after menopause, whereas chimpanzees and other animals rarely survive much beyond the point where their eggs run out, even in captivity.

So, if aliens follow the pattern of the majority of life on earth they too will be able to basically reproduce until they’re shortly about to pass of natural causes.

Someone write about those poor aliens freaking out when they learn their female crewmember they’ve known for years, who seems so young, it no longer able to bear children and is surely going to die soon!

*********

Sarah stared at her shipmates, especially Grth'x, who had moved to the cover of the room and was chanting under his breath while rocking backand forth rhythically. “Why is Grthx starting the ‘Chant of mourning?’”

Chizzik placed a tarsel claw on Sarah’s shoulder in the show of human sympathy, “Because he loves you Human-Sarah. We all do, we shall miss you greatly.”

Sarah stared at them, “The fuck? I’m not going anywhere.”

This seemed to be the wrong thing to say, Grth'x started chanting a little louder.

Chizzik started making a whining noise by rubbing the plates of her thorax; the cry of distress, the equivalent of crying to her species. “Human-Sarah, I know you humans are a stubborn race, but you must face reality. You are no longer able to bare children, your life is coming to an end.”

Sarah slapped away Chizzik’s claw, “Fuck off. Having kids isn’t the be-all and end-all of a woman’s life. Life isn’t over just cause I can’t have kids.”

Chizzik almost admired the strength of human denial. It was the trait which had made them survive their deathworld. When even their own planet was telling them “You can’t” they were pushing ahead shouting the phrase “Watch me!” But there was surely no denying it now.

“I know it may not be easy to accept. I thought humans were a long lived race, you seem so young,”

Sarah hit a fist onto the table “Damn right! I’m 49, not even middle age. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. I’ve got another 50 years, at least.”

Chizzik looked confused. “But, your fertility, it has ended. When a life-form is no longer able to bear children, it is a undeniable sign that their bodies are shutting down, their life is ending.”

“What?” Sarah stared at Chizzik and the, still chanting, Grth'x, understanding -albeit a confused understanding- was starting to dawn on her. “Not for humans it isn’t. Menopause doesn’t mean our life is ending. Watch me, I’m just getting started.”

Grth'x stopped chanting at looked at Sarah with a confused exression that matched Chizzik’s own. “What is Menno-Paws?

Sarah stared at her two friends and sighed with resignation. This was going to be one of those things that would end up in the human guide book, she just knew it.