never lose hope. somewhere, a middle-aged, gender ambiguous person with an advanced degree in an esoteric field and a fiber arts hobby could be crashing out and pinning all their remaining mental health on getting obsessed with your otp. any day now, the most elegantly written 100k fanfic you have ever read is going to hit ao3. it could happen. it has happened.
I love it when fan fiction writers are like: “ah shit, this was meant to be one part but I started writing it and now it has to be three”. Like the fanfic is happening to them and not being created by them.
I'm being a hater but I think one reason so many fixit fics bug me is because the authors don't buy into the characters belief systems because they're not actually interested in it and don't care to try. But also. Even when people do, they don't seem to have any personal experience with (or ability to empathetically learn about) changing a deep rooted belief system and so don't actually know how to write it out. Like sorry but no they would not Simply Realize the fucking answer. Because the problem was never that they were Just Too Stubborn or not smart enough or not good enough or anything else.
FOR REAL. There is nothing worse than getting obsessed with a complicated tragic character, going to ao3, and finding that 90% of fixits for them fail to engage with the core of their character so utterly that it feels less "What if things worked out for this character somehow" and more "What if this character was a different person, the kind who could be saved". I wanted to see things get fixed for Blorbo, not for this character who shares their name and a few superficial traits but none of their load-bearing issues. Heartbreaking!!!!!!!!
Whelp, I'm writing again. Third time, actually. The second time I managed to churn out so many words, but didn't finish the main fic, so I never posted it, because, well. I want to finish and post. Real bad. If I post it unfinished, the guilt would probably put me off of writing. And I will! But not for a long while, i don't think. Because I'm in my third phase and I'm striking while the iron is hot. But that fandom is one I've been in for over a decade, so I'm not worried about putting it down forever.
Anyways, well, every time I get deep into writing, something bad happens, it seems. I got laid off at the beginning of last year, 120K words deep, and I worked in tech, in the US, so... I've been out of work since. And now, I'm writing again, and my financial situation is close to getting reallllllly bad. Relief was coming, and I happily started converting my drafts into postable work and fleshing out stuff, and then it was taken away, just like that. So, y'know. We're really in it now!
So, I'm finally, finally gonna bite the bullet. I'm gonna post the summary of what was going to happen with I'm Ending the Simulation, and then I'm gonna close the HLVRAI chapter of this blog so I can accept questions on my new stuff, if they happen to spark people's interest. HLVRAI was a wonderful flash in the pan, and I'll forever be grateful for the inspiration it gave me to finally put pen to paper and for letting me connect with my best friend. I'll say there's a nonzero chance that I go back and finish that fic, but it is very low, and would have to be after I finish cooking everything else in my, uh, kitchen? On the menu? However the metaphor works.
Click here for the I'm Ending the Simulation post
Happy thousandth post! By the way, for the curious, you can call me whatever you want, but my online name is Flare :)
I'm Ending the Simulation - The Rest of The Fucking Owl
Thank god i took so many notes!
Ok, below is a summary of the next few chapters planned, along with their chapter titles, snippets, and some other notes, followed by some loose stuff for the final act. None of this is formatted and all would have been edited to hopefully make things flow better. This is unreasonably long, sorry! Enjoy? I guess?
First, the timeline. Yes, I mapped out how many days things happen and even what day it started.
The simulation happened over four days. It ended on April 9th IRL, so I was also kicking around the idea of that being the day it happened in this fic.
day 1 - friday, day after simulation end
7 - start
8 - get-together
11 - big convo, decide to strike
14 - 21 - Gordon
21 - plug in phone
22 - B e n n y
24 - breakout
25 - sandbox
Ch 17: The Storm
The first part of this chapter was actually finished, here it is:
"Gordon-"
"TOMMY!"
Tommy looked down, surprised to hear a voice that wasn't Dr. Freeman's. It seems as though one of the security guards had made it into the test chamber. Was there a protocol for this? As far as he knew, Dr. Freeman was supposed to enter the chamber, flip the right switches, then slowly and carefully push the sample into the Anti-Mass Spectrometer. There was nothing that specifically mentioned banning anyone else from entering, though, so it was probably fine.
One of the other two scientists in the control room, the one not named Dr. Coomer, interrupted his thoughts.
"Tommy, do you know this man?"
He… didn't, did he? Well, the man was a guard. Maybe he had passed by him on his way to work. How did he know his name? Had Dr. Freeman said something?
"TOMMY!!"
There it was again. He could pick out some level of excitement and happiness in his tone. It would be rude not to reply.
"Hi!"
"You know, he didn't bring his passport!" Dr. Coomer added brightly. What was he- oh, right, that's a rule, he must've forgotten about it. Well, that's not good.
"I heard you don't have your passport," Tommy shouted down, but as he spoke, the guard made a noise, and his thoughts were cut off once more.
Was that… singing?
Does singing normally come with lights?
A single tone, accompanied by a pretty magenta that hung in the air a foot or so in front of him. Dr. Freeman barely seemed to acknowledge it, instead opting to start bickering with the other man. Tommy could pick up on the tone of voice - insistent, a bit indignant, then frustrated - and watched him put a hand on the guard's shoulder, but he wasn't paying much attention. He was too busy staring at the ball of color as it slowly faded from the test chamber.
That had a tone, too, right? Did it mean something? It should mean something. That was… a form of communication, right? His job was to- he was built for- he was good at reading tones of voice. That was a voice. Right? If it meant something, it would probably mean something… friendly.
Did he decide that, or did Benrey mean that?
Later, he would learn that Benrey had mentioned that he "liked mean people."
Did he, or did Benrey decide that?
Why did Benrey choose to know him?
There was never really a reason to explore this question. It wasn't relevant. Besides, in that state, he… didn't really "get it" yet. That the world was fake, that he was, uh, not what he thought he was. That the past didn't happen, it was just constructed from what he wanted to have happen. From what others wanted to have happen.
You know what? Fuck trains. That was his choice, and he's never backing down on it.
Tommy sighed heavily through his nose. He was in bed, trying and failing to sleep, and was quickly running out of things to think about. There were only so many times he can filter through his old memories before he would have to actually deal with his problems.
… Maybe he could put it off for a bit longer?
He shifted uncomfortably, stubbornly keeping his eyes closed. Immediately after wondering what time it was, his brain fetched the system time for him: 2:53AM.
His body wasn't real, of course, and didn't need rest. The benefits of sleep mode were all based on their "mental" needs; the AI had only been designed to run for a few hours at a time, at which point some processes had to be reset, caches cleared, and the events of the day sorted to be either deleted, kept in short-term memory, or compressed and filed away in long-term memory. And, of course, that first machine they had been on was expected to be shut off overnight, leading to gaps in their own existence.
Now, though, the simulation they were in - including Tommy's copy - was always running, giving them freedom, and life, and… so much time. Just, so much more time than usual. And while the others still needed that sleep period to "clear their heads," so to speak, Tommy was… different. He wasn't built differently, he knew this, because he knew there was a time when he wasn't different. And yet, here he was, able to store an impossible amount of data and process the day in a matter of seconds. If he thought about why-
He couldn't think about why.
He already knew that he didn't, and couldn't, know the answer.
So. Now what?
A forced "sleep mode" would just run through the processes and wake him up immediately afterwards. Even faster than before, given that there were no new memories and very few thoughts to sift through. There was nothing to watch, or read, or look at; anything Gordon brought over for him was instantly chewed up and spit out by that ravenous part of himself that had stretched itself out across the VM and sought to digest any bit of information it could gets its metaphorical hands on. Like a… voracious… goat. Or a disease. Thinking about it for too long would make him feel sick, sick-adjacent, so instead of thinking about how whatever-he-was was destroying his ability to experience things, he chose to focus on what he could do.
He could still listen to music; even if he knew what the contents of the song would be, listening to it and processing it "the slow way" was still an experience in the way that treating it as raw data couldn't be. You couldn't really "spoil" a song the same way you could a book or a tv show or a movie. Video games were a bit hit-and-miss, though. Emulators could run games at very fast speeds without crashing, but even then there was a hard limit on how fast he could get through them, which gave him a chance to forcibly slow his brain down to a more reasonable speed. And then there were multiplayer games! They didn't even necessarily have to be video games, just… anything that let him spend time with people at a regular pace made him feel so, so normal. And yet…
Tommy opened his eyes and sighed. Much as he hated to admit it, the silence was fairly peaceful. He loved spending time with his friends, of course, but the rest of the Science Team could be so… noisy. Especially with Gordon there, constantly riling Benrey up or trying fruitlessly to shout some sense into the others. The only level-headed one there was Dr. Darnold, but while he was a neutral presence, he certainly wasn't neutralizing, opting more often than not to stay out of their shenanigans altogether. Smart move. Tommy did something similar quite a bit while they were escaping Black Mesa, generally not taking sides in an argument unless Gordon was egregiously wrong, hanging back and pitching in only when he felt it was necessary.
He sat up in bed, stretching slightly just to pad out the time. Hell, he could do a whole exercise routine if he felt like it, but, well. Pretending to sleep had burned enough time, and if he was stuck in the waking world anyways, he may as well make good use of it.
He had tried ignoring his problems until they went away - The Benrey Method - and that had just made everything worse. He couldn't use The Dr. Coomer Method and punch his problems into oblivion, and for similar reasons both Bubby Methods (shooting at the problem or running away screaming) were out of the question. That leaves the Gordon Method.
There are a few things that could be the Gordon Method, actually. Let your friends handle everything. Make a plan and have your friends ruin it, but also have it work out in the end. Say "fuck it" and handle everything yourself because you're just that stubborn. Make everything worse and then focus on the new problem instead.
That last one sounds like a terrible idea, actually. Maybe not.
Tommy shuffled over to the monitor, leaning over his desk to switch it on. Maybe someone else on the Science Team had elected to stay up late. It would be nice to have someone to talk to, at least.
The screen flicked on, showing Gordon's desktop, which was halfway taken up by the view of his room, from the perspective of the monitor, and halfway taken up by the original simulation, windows with individual rooms showing who was online at the moment.
The only window open was Benrey's.
Tommy turned off the monitor.
Well, he might as well practice! That's what he said he'd do. To Gordon. Practice, uh, simulation stuff. It's perfectly safe, now, so. Might as well. Do that.
He shuffled towards the door, not bothering to put his cap on before heading outside.
---
[next day, go over what tommy made]
[mention the clouds, the last thing he made in the simulation before leaving. darnold helped.]
[he thinks about trying to… make something. figures it's a miracle he accidentally made sunkist NOT have whatever is wrong with him, and doesn't want to gamble with something sentient. starts with something that's inanimate, considers a bug like a ladybug but decides on moss and makes marimo balls]
have bubby play computer building simulator, mention how he has or wants to play car mechanic simulator
at some point talk about the fluids in the car game
dr coomer: I do love a good Fluid!
Not consecutive, the following events happen over the course of a week:
day 1 -
The rest of the science team learns coding to help tommy
darnold focuses on memory storage/solving that particular puzzle
benry isn't allowed to help [friction]
dr coomer: well, if it isn't our favorite security guard!
Bubby scoffed. "Speak for yourself! If anything, he's my least favorite."
"How many security guards do you know," Darnold asked, glancing between the other scientists and Benrey. He was worried about what the latter might do without Gordon for stress relief, but the guard's expression was as flat as ever.
"Oh, there were hundreds in Black Mesa," Bubby said with a dismissive hand wave; at the same time, Dr. Coomer replied with a definitive "One!"
There was a beat of silence as Bubby turned all the way around in his chair, staring over his shoulder at Dr. Coomer, who made eye contact but stayed perfectly still, face and body brimming with confidence.
(maybe discussion of how they don't count. benrey doesn't give a shit and is staring off into space and then asks what they're doing)
(explanation)
bubby: he's useless!
benrey isn't able to properly learn things from the internet
bubby: i think there's something wrong with his brain
dr coomer: i think there's something wrong with all our brains!
bubby: scoffs not mine. mine's perfect.
dr coomer (chipper): and yet you failed to foresee the consequences of your actions, my good bitch!
bubby shuts up at that OR gets big mad
maybe benrey blue voices at him to calm him down and in return he lights him on fire
benrey looks down at his hands: "oh"
benrey brings up how he helped tommy get to the VM
bubby: i guess that almost makes up for you trying to kill him!
benry: wha? no, i tried to- remember? i tried to make you guys lose, not… gone.
dr coomer: the four of us are capable of respawning!
maybe that's too far for bubby. <- possible to keep if he backtracks immediately afterwards.
at some point, darnold tries to get them back on track. he doesn't care about their feelings atm, but says that their goal is to maximize time spent on finding out a solution for tommy, and any time spent with benrey in the room will result in arguing or wasting time getting him caught up. he's welcome to research on his own, though, that could be helpful if he can find out how. (not overtly condescending, more dry)
day 2 -
[tommy can't enjoy fiction novels anymore because one touch and the entrety of what happens in the story gets put in his head instantly, making it impossible to experience the story or form attachments to the characters. they get around this by gordon reading aloud to him.]
gordon reads to tommy every night (and the rest of the science team can listen in if they want to). on this day, it's tommy, darnold, and benrey. bubby and dr coomer are taking sunkist to the amusement park they built out from behind the carnival.
day 3 - stream dr coomer playing punchout. tommy's incredibly antsy.
post-stream
Tommy had gone poking around the simulation's code himself, and what was found was, well. It was functional! Effecient, even, in some places. It was clear, though, that the code itself was clearly not meant to be human readable. Fitting, as it wasn't written by a human.
Ha, ha. Funny joke.
His own code, on the other hand. He knew that, logically, whatever was there initially had been human-readable. Written by humans, for humans, and, if he was being optimistic, about humans. But those original files were now gone, wiped from Black Mesa's file servers by some unknown force, and all that's left is the semi-comprehensible mess of an executable that is him. At this point, even if he wanted to reverse-engineer himself into something Gordon could look through, he'd been through so many changes…
Well. There's that, and there's also the intense level of self-scrutiny that would be involved. Just the thought of seeing exactly how his decision-making process, and emotional states, and, and his whole self works. It filled him with existential dread. If there was anything, anything that could make him feel completely, utterly inhuman, it would be that.
And so, when it comes to code, the Benrey Method of Problem Solving would have to do.
Sure, it would be nice if the others were able to teach Gordon enough about programming for him to be the one doing the decompiling. Tommy may trust him with his life, but that doesn't mean he would lie down on the metaphorical operating table for someone with no expertise. And he sure as hell wasn't about to let any of the other AIs go poking around in there. It was still really cute of them to try, though.
Have tommy be moving around the timeline by basically "jumping" to different points in the simulation's timeline by quickly calculating the state of the simulation at that time and going there
have it be disorienting at first
use the growth of the plants, maybe the life cycle of the frogs be a key thing to "anchor" the time to
it's not perfect since he's the one causing the time to move around, but it's almost instinctual for him to get used to it and he doesn't know why
day 4 - THE confrontation. with benny. benny breakdown. oh boy! oh boy…
benrey tantrum, and TOMMY STOPS HIM- AAA
THIS is what gets tommy to come back through from the VM - he literally breaks out of the VM while gordon's freaking out trying to think about what to do
benny v tommy, benny is able to WALK DURING THE TIMESTOP.
"don't fuckin THREATEN me, man, i don't wanna hurt you"
"i-i don't either!"
gordon: "No one's hurting ANYONE!"
at some point: "what, everyone's just gonna fuckin. come and hug it out, huh? that'll fix everything? i'm supposed to be happy with that? (gordon says it) doesn't work that way."
Ch 18: Aftermath
actual attempts at patching things up.
tommy agrees to come back to the main simulation after practicing controlling stuff in the box.
fireflies here? very important that benrey experiences fireflies. benrey attempts to mimic them and make sweet voice that can change its glow…
establish going into viddy games, specifically after the bubby convo because benry's Sad.
meanwhile, at black mesa, the forensics team opens a case
- scene: review footage to reveal that there was just empty halls where gordon would've been at the time, but also have the footage of the data storage room. the door to the area opens and closes on its own exactly once (off camera. there's the sound of the door.) and that's it.
gordon gets a phone call from agent parker.
Snippet:
[benry calls gordon at the end of his shift to complain about being bored]
[gordon hangs up on him (is in his car)]
[phone rings again]
"Listen, man! I TOLD you not to call-"
"Doctor… Freeman."
Gordon paused, then slowly lowered his hand back onto the wheel. The voice was unfamiliar, deep and rough, and his phone's speakers crackled with static as it spoke.
A shiver ran down his spine
"Stop harrassing me about my dead friends, man!"
"I do not… work. For Black Messssa, Doctor. Freeman. I believe I have. A deal. That may satisssfy. Both of our… interests."
Gordon gripped his phone tighter in his hand. The fuck did they mean they don't work for Black Mesa?
"What… what kind of- I mean, there's no deal to make, because my friends are dead, but-"
"A simple. Trade. Exclusive rightsss to your… friends. Will be granted to you. Your… coworkersss. Will not be. Informed."
"… Why do you want Tommy?"
"That is. Not your… concern, Doctor Freeman."
Gordon clicked his tongue. "Yeah? Well, you know what? Doesn't even matter. Because there is no Tommy, because he died in the fucking fire along with the rest of the Science Team! So fuck off, and don't call me again." With that, he hung up the phone and tossed it into the cupholder, running a hand through his hair to try to calm himself down. The fucking nerve of some people-
His thoughts were interrupted by the crackle of the car radio coming to life, static giving way to that same voice
"How very rude of you."
He stared wide-eyed down at the speakers. [more]
"Thisss, is much bigger than you, Doctor, Freeman. I suggessst you. Take some time to. Reconsssider."
Gordon quickly muted the radio with a shaky hand, clenching and unclenching it as he tried to calm down. Mercifully, the car stayed silent. [more scene setting; everything is eerily still, then he starts driving home.]
ch 19: Build Yourself, Then We'll Talk
Second(?) confrontation, this time with the entire AI crew. Final character resolutions before the main climax of Act 2 to get them ready for Act 3.
Just a bunch of small snippets and things to touch on:
re: bubby, bring in how he definitely pushed his responsibility onto benrey in order to get out.
"man, i've been… so nice. soooo nice. to everyone."
--
"you know since your passports were destroyed i can't check if you're. nice or not. maybe you should get some new ones. here, let me get that for you."
[toss some passed ports at them. everybody says not nice.]
"Ben-Benrey, what-"
"don't worry man, you like mean people, remember? you got friends so much. all love you easy."
--
"don't like me when i'm bad… don't like me when i'm good… bet you'd like me if i was nothing. you'd like that."
[dispute]
"then what? what? should i be mean? mean time?"
[a shift in the air. a shift in the code. a threat in the wind. clouds turning into globs of sweet voice, starting to leak a strange, misty, floaty rain in harsh/sad/upset/angry colors. anguish!]
[BITCH PUT EYES IN THE CLOUDS]
--
"it wasn't just Gordon. you all… Tommy was the only one who didn't wanna do it." Many, many pairs of eyes shifted to look at Bubby. "you, if you made me the big bad, you could get away with it. you made it all my fault," he emphasized, grip tightening on the floating bit of land beneath the scientist's feet.
--
[call dr coomer out on never having to apologize for anything]
[dr coomer wringing his hands together]
"nah, man, it's cool," he said, voice contradicting his words with a [tone]. "i know you never gave a shit about me."
Dr. Coomer had nothing to say to that. His hands stilled.
--
"is this what i'm supposed to be? why do you- is this what you see me as?"
--
tommy asks him why he wanted to be friends in the first place
benry refers to himself negatively and expresses sadness at being something unlovable (but in less extreme terms)
--
Tommy: What do you want to be?
benry: just. i'm just a guy, man, i didn't want. i just wanted to hang out with people.
tommy: do you… you want to be human?
benry: no, i don't. that doesn't matter, i just wanna be friend with you guys.
he shifts, calmer.
benry: why's it all so much.
tommy: … yeah. it's all- everything's more complicated now. more than when we were… were new.
[action]
tommy: and, and we're stuck like this, now, and we'll probably- there's gonna be more. we'll change even more, but, if, i…
he looked away
tommy: there's a lot, everyone just pushed things onto each other, to me. you did, too. but, now, i think i can choose- i get to decide what i'm keeping, and what i'm not. we all do. and i think- i want to be friends with everyone, too.
benry: … yeah?
tommy: yeah. [pat]
--
when tommy's calming him down, mention how now everything's more complicated. they're more complicated now than they were back when they were freshly made, and he's sorry they're stuck like this, and he does want to be friends. benrey's tired of thinking, of overthinking, and tommy's like ok then let's stop.
--
tommy now gets to decide which of the things that were foisted on him during the simulation he's going to keep (and what to ignore because they don't matter, like his department.) and it's the same for all of them. and he's choosing to be friends with benrey.
ch 20: Black Box
The end of Act 2, the BIG chapter, the climax, even.
And we learn the truth of what happened: benrey, having gotten some of the coolatta juice, ended up being convinced by gordon that he's bad, even though he fought against it the whole time, and that caused him to subconsciously rewrite the code for the ending sequence to become the final boss.
gman/mr coolatta shows up in gordon's living room, timestopped in real life, holding the stack of drives in his suitcase.
snippet:
[starts with a gardening metaphor]
"What? I mean… I'm not really much of a botanist," he replied, voice steeped in confusion.
"Well, surely, even you would know that… when a plant outgrows its, container, it must be… transferred. To a more suitable… environment."
"… Uh, sure? Like, flowerpots or something?" Where was this metaphor going?
"Precisely. Though, at a certain point… it may become. Necessary. To take the container out of the equation… entirely."
Gordon said nothing, eyes darting nervously between G-man's face and his hands, which had begun to slowly tap on the stack of drives he was holding. His friends, Gordon reminded himself. They're right there and if they don't get plugged in before time starts up again-
He was cut off by G-man's continued explanation.
"Once a certain… stage, in, development, is reached. It can be… stifling, to remain. Indoors. Relocation, is in order. To a… garden."
Piercing blue eyes caught Gordon's, pinning him in place. The air seemed to chill, even though it wasn't moving at all. It was hard to breathe. Did… did he need to breathe? Was he breathing?
His thoughts cleared.
"Dr. Freeman, I am in need of a gardener."
Gordon blinked, then exhaled, letting the metaphor slowly sink in. It took a few moments before he was able to find his voice again, which he used to organize his thoughts. Finally, he answered in a quiet voice.
"Can you really do that?"
"I have been… preparing, for this task, for… quite some time."
"And, you… you'll bring everyone out, right?"
"I have a. Vested interest in my son's, growth, Dr. Freeman. I believe that… companionship, is, necessary, for him to develop properly."
Gordon took another shaky breath.
"Right… so… what. What's in it for you? You're just doing this for Tommy?"
"… My employers are. Not. Involved, in this… endeavor."
"Okay, that's good to know, but. We're making some kind of deal here, right? Otherwise you would've just done… whatever it is you're gonna do."
"Yes, Doctor Freeman. You will be given… the necessary, assets, to care for your new. Charges. This includes the house you currently, find yourself in, as well as a… considerable sum."
Gordon narrowed his eyes at this. "And you said your employers weren't involved?"
"That is, correct."
"So, just to be clear, I get to live here, in this huge house, with all my friends, in real life, and… teach them how to be alive and shit? And that's it, those are the terms?"
G-man stilled his fingers, then cleared his throat. Gordon crossed his arms in response, frown deepening. He knew there was a catch.
"As I said, I wish to… ensure, my son's, development. Once he is, ready, I will come to… collect."
"C-Collect?" Gordon's eyes widened. "You- what?? What are you… what do you want with him!?"
"Now, now, Doctor Freeman, you need not… concern yourself with his, safety."
"Answer the question!"
"That information is, classified," G-man replied, eyes glowing as a warning.
"Wh-" Gordon threw his hands up in frustration. "Okay, so, what if I say no, then?"
"Then I shall take him now. It will not be… ideal. I believe he would do better in, your care. However. The choice, is yours."
"That doesn't sound like much of a choice to me," Gordon spat back.
"We all must play… the hand we are dealt, Doctor Freeman." The words were soft, yet they hung heavy in the still air. G-man's face betrayed no hint of emotion, but Gordon caught the subtle motion of his fingers as they slowly ran along the edge of the drive at the top of the stack. Gordon closed his eyes, gathered his resolve, then opened them again.
"Okay. Deal."
[gman nod, blinding white light from hands, black doorway appears in the middle of the hallway/room]
"Let us begin, Dr. Freeman."
[ritual?]
"I'll leave them in your care."
Act ends with them become REAL
Still with me? Great! Act 3 isn't planned out into chapters like last time, but I do have plot points I wanted to hit, so we'll start with that and other potential chapter titles I had in my back pocket. As you can see, I had less of a plan and had laid out plot hooks for myself without actually writing a conclusion for them. But, well, it would've had a happy ending regardless.
Other future chapter titles: I Don't Know, Tommy, Being God is a Pretty Big Responsibility Application of Power (title for tommy focused chapter, AI BS applied to eldritch alien BS) Step Out Into the Light Welcome to the End
act 3 planning:
at some point: dr walker is convinced that gordon got a fancy house and shit because he has an in to the government somehow, and that's why he's not facing consequences for stealing
what happens when they can actually dream for real? what do their brains do.
benrey stealing stuff through the fridge door
benrey humming to himself in thought, and gordon being able to see colors through the skin
gman plans to tell his employers about tommy's use as one of his own that is well-liked and could be used for diplomacy, but "he hopes it won't come to that" and is doing his best to keep all this a secret
irl tommy: "I-I'm scared, Gordon. :("
WATCH THE SUNRISE/SUNSET FOR THE FIRST TIME
benry asks gordon for a kiss goodnight, because it's normal. the rest of the science team (sans darnold) want the same thing. it becomes a tradition and gordon doesn't know how he feels about it. tommy mentions it's just like despicable me.
(dr coomer asks gordon to read him a bedtime story at some point.)
BENRY SHAPESHIFT INTO SOMEONE ELSE AS A DISGUISE??
benrey and bubby photography together
First, notes/snippets on becoming real, the chapter I was most excited to write:
benny goes from shark teeth to bear teeth "looking less Bear Trap and more Bear" flicks out sharp nails, shakes his hand out to switch them to black LARGE NAILS, THICK like TALONS, then shakes again to turn his whole hands sharp, fingers ending in thick black points that faded back to his skin tone at the knuckle.
benry's gonna make himself slightly taller than gordon just to piss him off, then try to walk and stumble a little bit. dr coomer's like "Now Benrey, it's important to adjust the length of your stride after changing your legs!"
PASSPORTS! The passports for when they Become Real, handed out by the gman ALSO, inside the passports are ID cards
benry's bday is halloween
At one point, Gordon shows Benry his own passport, and Benry's like "oh ok" and he never fucking asks for it again
benrey rubs his passport in gordon's face, because he chose the name Benrey Freeman
"pretty cool right"
"It'd be a lot cooler if it had a different last name"
smacks lips "i think you're just jealous"
"Jeal- IT'S MY LAST NAME"
"mine now"
"NO IT- THAT'S NOT HOW- BENREY"
"benrey what"
"GAH! I'm not doing this. No. Fuck off."
"i knew it. jealous."
"I'm NOT-"
gordon gets his own passport to show benrey
"See? SEE??? I have one, okay??"
he notices it's, unfortunately, not expired, but finds something else to dunk on
"what's this mean"
"What?"
"Sex F. F for fail? y'bad at it-"
Gordon gets mad-mad, for real, and embarrassed, and horrified, and slaps benrey in the forehead with his passport, then immediately tries to shut down all further conversation while threatening him to keep his mouth shut about it
(benrey thinks the Sex M stands for McDonalds? or MMMM delicious? what's less comprehensible? McDonalds would be a repeat reference but hmmmm)
once they have irl rooms: dr coomer collects weird dry instructional texts and brocures and stuff from thrift stores Like, a C manual from 1996 next to a manual on backhoe maintenance from 1975. Next to a plant identification field guide for New Mexico. (Slight logic there.) Next to a bird field guide for Michigan (why) and an outdated tourism guide to Amsterdam (Coomer, no).
The Contract that benry and gordon signed:
1 - benry is part of the science team
2 - benrey gets a ps5
3 - benny is gordon's friend
4 - Benerey's job is to protect the Science Team
5 - beny [intentionally left blank to Cook with later, but the spelling gets worse until it's just beny]
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Side fic: Christmas tree shopping
"Dunking on Gordon is a family tradition at this point-" (Gordon)
"Do you really see us as family, Gordon?" (Dr. Coomer)
Benry immediately scoops loose pine needles into his mouth
Dr coomer, also one for tasting things, puts one (1) pine needle in his mouth and sucks on it thoughtfully
He accidentally inhales it and starts choking, so benry noclips his hand inside his throat and grabs the pine needle
Meanwhile, darnold and bubby are narrowing down their choices, absolutely Determined to pick the BEST tree
Using the scientific method
"Thats not how the scientific method works," says gordon, completely ignored
Tommy is just too excited. The trees smell great and after they bring it home they're going shopping for decorations.
At one point, he brings benry a tiny pinecone he found
Benrys like "yooo sweet" and pops it in his mouth
Bubby and darnold have narrowed it down to 2 trees and are arguing over which one to take home. Darnold insists that THIS one is at the perfect angle, making it easier to position in the tree holder once they get home
Bubby's just like "it's not hard to position a tree and we have plenty of people, this one's leaves are 3% greener so we're getting this one"
Darnolds just like thats negligible and it'll be covered in decorations anyways
So bubby asks "what do you think, gordon?" And gordon just. Could not give less of a shit.
The issue is solved when someone else asks if they're getting bubby's tree and gordon goes "no, go ahead!" Before either of them can say anything. You sent Today at 2:38 PM "They picked mine because it was better." "They picked yours because it was cheaper…" "Guys, come on. Let's just go check out"
Bubby picks up the tree easily and dr coomer pipes in like "hello, gordon! I don't think they'd notice if we walked out!"
"Wha- dr coomer, we aren't stealing a Christmas tree!"
Bubby asks "Why not?" While dr coomer is like "now gordon, stealing from megacorporations is my favorite pasttime"
"I thought boxing was your favorite pasttime" "He can have more than one," bubby says You sent Today at 2:43 PM Benry shows up out of nowhere like "who's stealing. I heard stealing. You stealing shit?" "/no/, benry, im not- I'm trying to stop THEM from stealing the goddamn tree!"
"You stealing shit?" "Yes" the boomers say in unison "Niiice" "Wh- y- BENRY!? Hello???" "Hey whats up" "Why aren't you stopping them???" "Wha?" "You- isn't it your JOB to stop people from stealing shit!?" "Huh? Yeah." "THEN??" "Thats not black mesa property"
Darnold comes back with a receipt and Tommy in tow. He had ripped off the tag and gone to pay while gordon wasn't looking. Tommy hands gordon back his wallet.
"Okay. Okay. Yeah. Great. Let's just. Get the tree in the van and go home."
On the way out dr coomer asks bubby if he could hold the tree and then is immediately yelled at by gordon when he starts waving it around like a motherfucking mace
"It's important to practice at all times, gordon!" "NOT WITH THE TREE"
Bubby has to wrestle it away from him because you're going to ruin the almost-perfect tree they picked out Marjorie sent Today at 2:49 PM C: "Now, Gordon, it's important for us all to maintain our physical fitness!" You sent Today at 2:50 PM "Don't forget to do your daily calisthenics!" You sent Today at 2:50 PM And end scene, lol
bubby is getting a train set for christmas but not at christmas before christmas so he can set it up around the house
---
Logistical notes:
gordon's HRT: pellets, only 2-4 procedures per year, because job. 1750 a year used to take pills, switched to pellets once they found out what levels worked for him. say 20/month when covered by insurance, 60 when not. also 1000 for bloodwork. top surgery: arizona: 5500
shift starts at 8:30? 30 minutes late at 8:47, meaning at 8:17 he should have been on the tram, so shift presumably starts at 8:20 or 8:30
Black Mesa Administrator Dr. Breen, the head of BM
does have a locker: Casali Bailey Birdwell Johnson Jones
doesn't have a locker: Walker Bernier Cook
Dr. Casali - f scientist, the stern one Dr. Walker - m scientist, the asshole (didn't get a locker, loser) Dr. Bailey - m scientist, the chill one Dr. Birdwell - ? scientist, the one who answers their god damn emails
(Agent) Parker - notable features - very very light hair and blue gloves. otherwise, wears a suit like g-man does.
Finally, notes on jokes and phrases to include, as well as fun things to include:
tommy + glitter pens
resonates cascade
powerous
bubby knows some form of martial arts
DON'T FORGET BUBBY'S PICTURE TAKING
bubby catchphrase: ah yes!
gordon calls the AIs his buddies
"G-Dad"
at some point have benrey just go "those aren't mine" when in the IRL with the sweet voice
"i'll sit with you until you find your words"
once irl: benrey sneeze, what happens.
"your words are like kisses"
the sequal to [random noun that is not a thing that can have a sequel, like an animal]
SEQUEL TO VIOLENCE, MAYBE. VIOLENCE TWO.
Finally, where were we going, eventually? In a oneshot that would have been part of the collection?
There are so many things about black mesa in half life 1 that were so incredibly fucked up if you take it out of the context of a 3D platformer. Im not even talking about the alien experiments or the government coverup or the fact that the military just had a kill switch for every black mesa employee in the event that shit got out. Im talking about how there's an entire room dedicated to... pressing green sludge, i guess
There's a nuke in the car park. Why is there a nuke in the car park. I know in the context of it being a video game it's to make that laser grid room as infuriating as possible but in-univerae could you imagine parking your car, heading in the nearest door and the first thing you see every day before descending the maintenance elevator is a nuke
Excuse me! Will the wings au ever get a fic??? I don't know if it'd ever been mentioned and I was curious since it's one of my favs
Ehfbwjdbjs?!! Wah! Thanks so very very much that makes me so happy to hear ;u;
As much as I would love for that to happen, I am not the best writer in the slightest haha.
It was meant to be a fic to start off though! With a completely different idea! But the longer I tried to plot it out, the more I got different Ideas for this current au and decided to scrap the first draft 😅
If anyone wants to make a fic of the wings au, you are more than free too! I would sob and cry immensely and cherish the fic to the ends of time as well lol!!
The original wings AU idea is under the cut if anyone is interested :)!
Its the basic plot of HLVRAI, except Benrey has always been a winged alien species.
In his more human form, he just (very very uncomfortably and at times painfully) keeps his wings under his uniform. Boss fight Benrey has a completely different form (spoilers for future wing au stuff I am still working on)
Fic would have started off a looong while after hlvrai, Benrey respawns in the middle of winter and wanders to Gordons house. Gordon finds him absolutely messed up (im a sucker for “benrey respawns with his final boss injuries and Gordon/science team has to help him heal” aus haha) and basically passing out in the snow, taking him in to help warm him up.
Gordon tends to Benreys wounds until he wakes and tries to keep him warm. Benrey begins complaining about being uncomfortable and needing to “stretch”, Gordon has no idea what in the world this means, but encourages Benrey to do so, mainly due to mostly forgiving Benrey and wanting to try to fix their relationship.
Wings reveal happens, Gordon tries to keep his calm but is also loosing his mind trying to comprehend that Benrey had this under his vest. The. Entire. Time.
Benreys wings are obviously very messed up. Gordon had a pet bird growing up who had issues preening itself, so he knows how to preen wings as well as a human could, so he helps Benrey fix up his wings. Gayness ensues :)