We often praise the soft of heart. We rightly condemn those who are hard of heart. But the Believer's heart is somewhere in between.
When too soft, like a sponge, it soaks up all and everything that it sees, hears, experiences, comes into contact with. Worse, it retains it as well. For that is what sponges do.
Ibn al-Qayyim was complaining about doubts and issues once, and so was advised by Ibn Taymiyyah that he should not let his heart be like a sponge retaining all these doubts that he comes across in the seeking and protection of sacred knowledge. But he didn't tell him to make his heart hard. For that would kill it. No, he told Ibn al-Qayyim to make it *harder*, like glass, clear solid glass. It will then see the issue/doubt and understand it but it will not retain in as it passes over it and goes on its way.
This is excellent advice in the matter of creed and theology ('aqidah) especially in our modern times with doubts over evolution and genetics and science and secular humanism etc. These matters can be refuted without letting them penetrate us.
But as many as there are people affected by doubts in their 'aqidah, an equal number are affected by normal day-to-day events that impact on their emotions - that includes how soft or hard to be, how harsh or merciful to be, how much to grieve and how much to ignore and be "heartless" etc.
We all live in difficult times. You don't need to live in a war-zone and have your children killed in front of you to be the only one deserving to be depressed. Sure, there are varying levels of trials, but we must never dismiss the middle class guy who loses his job or the "First World" sister who gets a divorce. Grief is universal and exists at every loss and turn in life and we need to manage that without denigrating or exaggerating the pain and challenges of others. Everybody hurts. Sometimes.
But we *must* learn not to hurt *so* much. We must learn that grief is natural and permissible but never to the amount that it becomes paralyzing. There is divine wisdom in sanctioned mourning periods. There is divine beauty in those verses which remind us of the negligible value of everything in this world. If our softness when we rule, or our mercy when we judge, or our grief when we try to recover starts to affect our lives so much that our lives are forced to change, obligations are neglected, worship is affected and the rules are changed etc, then we need to re-examine our hearts.
Our hearts are made stronger and more stoic when we reflect that this dunya is but a shooting star, and that every single painful event that occurs in our life is insignificant when seen in light of the bigger picture that is the Akhirah.
So don't let your hearts become so soft like a sponge. Make it harder. Not like a stone, from which you cannot come back from and there is no room for manoeuvre, but instead like glass. Glass is solid and thus it will allow you to see and feel the pain of others and thus empathize and take care of them, it will not retain grief or the depression of the world just automatically, but it is of course fragile and breaks easily which can then be used to our advantage when it is needed for our hearts to be softer than usual.
We were all given eyes to cry. But we were all born to eventually die. We must focus on our destination, not keep asking why.
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