Late night self thoughts.
This is just counterproductive, whenever it's late and I can't get to sleep I always have this terrible tendency to just think, and it's never a good sort of think where I can plan my day ahead or think about how awesome everything can be, it's always bad thoughts and I know that everyone sort of has these thoughts when left all by their lonesome but I feel that it's gotten past that stage. It isn't a depressing sort of feeling either, I just have a terrible tendency to overthink everything and it's sad because I know that if I stopped being this way and stopped caring about such unnecessary things I would be happier. Alot of my mates are pretty masculine guys and the thought of having to share my thoughts to them already worries me, I'm going through my life knowing that this is probably going to be the hardest part of it. I'm not an asshole, I know this but I just wonder why I can't seem to find my own happiness. The only time I actually feel a sense of happiness is when I do something for someone else. A long time ago I did something that resulted in alot of people having a second chance in exchange for my life and I took it because I felt that it was the right thing to do, the results have lived with me till now and there isn't a day goes by where I think about that day and how I should have taken the easy way out. I never expect anything to be reciprocated because I know that it isn't how the world works but come on, just give me something, ANYTHING to let me know that I'm doing the right thing or that I'm on the right track because right now my faith in the universe is slipping dramatically, I don't know why I'm writing to a piece of technology like this, no one's going to read this. but I feel that I need to vent somewhere, If by chance you are reading this, I apologize, this blog was meant for nerdy shit but I feel that this needed to be addressed. Cheers.
