Synopsis: Felix, your sweet golden retriever boyfriend, has always been gentle with you, slow-paced, patient. But once he's certain you're ready, he finally loosens the reins on his restraint.
-or: Felix eats you out until your brain is nothing but mush and you've made a mess of his face.
Details: Felix x fem!reader, fluff, smut- cunnilingus, overstimulation, face sitting, forced orgasm (sort of), squirting, thigh kink (?), love bites, hickeys, Felix cums in his pants. wc: 5.1k
The room went quiet as soon as the question had left Jisung's lips.
"What's the kinkiest thing you and Felix have done in bed?"
In all truth, the four of you - Felix, Jisung, Seungmin and yourself - had gotten a bit drunk, just hanging out after their dance practice ended. You'd just been waiting for Felix, really, but somehow it ended up being the four of you and a couple of beers. Even Felix indulged in one, which surprised you, as that was usually not his thing. But it was all in good fun.
However, even with the light buzz of the alcohol in your system, the question left you flustered. Even though it wasn't completely out of the blue, as Seungmin and Jisung were just having a discussion about the best sex position, you still hadn't expected the question directed at you.
In one smooth motion, Felix squeezed your thigh where his hand already rested, catching your attention. He gave you a look, you don't have to answer, not wording it out loud as he knew you could make up your mind for yourself. You didn't need his input, but he still let you know he was there.
You eyed the table for a moment, cheeks hot whether from the beer or the question or both, you weren't sure. You and Felix hadn't exactly been intimate yet. Your relationship was still new, and you both agreed you'd take it slow, build up your connection more, even if you were already completely infatuated with each other.
What you hadn't let him know yet was how desperate you were to take that step further. And what you didn't know was how he felt the exact same way, but didn't tell you in case it put unnecessary pressure on you to do something you weren't ready for.
Oh, he had no idea.
You chose not to feel awkward about the question, didn't feel embarrassed about the lack of sex you'd been having. It was a choice and one you were completely fine with. "You'd have to ask Felix."
You decided to give the ball to Felix, to let him decide how much he wanted to tell his band members about your nonexistent sex lives. You took another sip of your beer, glancing over at him.
The corner of his mouth twitched up as he ran his thumb across your inner thigh. You almost spat out your beer at that, tingles spreading all throughout your body. Sometimes you weren't sure he knew what kind of effect he had on you.
Felix put his hands up in defence, his eyes dark under the dim light. "A man... doesn't kiss and tell."
He laughed at the groan Jisung let out, while Seungmin only smiled, taking another sip of his beer in quiet amusement.
Later on, when the dorm was quiet, Jisung having left and Seungmin gone to bed, you were brushing your teeth with Felix after changing into your pyjamas.
You couldn't help but eye him, still a little tipsy from the beers and admiring his features more than usual. From every day that went by, you just seemed to fall more and more in love with him.
When you both got under the covers and Felix kissed you goodnight, expecting to fall asleep, you grabbed his wrist gently to catch his attention. "Lix," you whispered, biting your lip, hesitating.
He raised an eyebrow in the darkness, his features calm and relaxed. He could sense your hesitation and turned his face fully towards you, urging you to continue by making sure you knew you had his attention.
"Yes?"
You pursed your lips, looking into his eyes while your heart raced in your chest. God, why were you even freaking out about this? It was just Felix. But still, you felt vulnerable having to say the words out loud. The couple of beers you had consumed gave you that extra confidence to speak.
"You know, I've been thinking... maybe we should take our relationship a little further..." You bit the inside of your cheek, waiting for his reaction. He looked a little confused. Even though he tried to understand you, he needed you to be a bit more specific. So you let out a small breath, somehow speaking even lower than before. "You know... more than making out."
He stilled a little, you could feel it, and it immediately made you overthink, silly as you were.
"Not because I don't enjoy just making out! I know we said we'd take it slow but... I'm just... really... horny."
He was quiet for a moment before he let out a soft, genuine laugh, leaning in to kiss your forehead affectionately. You had no idea how much your confession had made his heart clench with adoration. He didn't even know how you could say something like that and still be so cute.
He grabbed your hand, pulling you closer to him. "Hmm, are you a little drunk, baby? If so, I'd rather have this talk tomorrow. Not that I'm not listening; I certainly am." He brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear.
Your face warmed at his response. I mean, you were a little tipsy, but this had been something that had been on your mind for a while. But even through your stubbornness you could see his point; it'd be better to bring something like this up when you were completely sober and sure.
You pursed your lips. "Yes, I'm a little tipsy... but this has been something that's been on my mind for a while, seriously! I mean, of course only if you're ready, too. To take things further." You made your voice clearer this time, making sure he understood this was more than just the beer talking.
And he did look a little more thoughtful this time, a small glint flashing in his eyes. Thinking about finally taking things further with you made his own desperation rise up and his cock twitch in his sweatpants. But he remained calm, brushing his thumb along your cheekbone.
"Alright... If you're sure you're ready, then so am I. I just don't want to pressure you," he said honestly, and before you had the chance to speak again, he continued, "But we'll still talk about this tomorrow, okay? Get some rest, angel."
He pulled you to his chest, and you definitely didn't protest. He was nice and warm and, well, the beers were making you quite sleepy. You hummed, sinking into his embrace and slowly drifted off to sleep.
You woke up to the familiar feeling of a nose nudging against your neck and hair tickling your skin. The faint sound of Felix's soft breathing filled your ears along with the chirping of birds outside. You had the window slightly ajar these days, seeing as it was getting hotter outside. It was a peaceful atmosphere to wake up in.
You felt surprisingly refreshed, but was less surprised by it when you checked the time on your phone and saw that it was already afternoon. You'd slept for so long... but it had felt so good. And it was Felix's day off, so for once it was allowed.
You looked down at him when he moved and realised then that he was already awake, greeting you with a smile on his face, his hair showcasing how well he'd slept. At least half as well as you.
"Good morning, angel," he said, his voice a delicious raspiness that somehow made it even deeper. You'd never not enjoy waking up to that.
You smiled back, forgetting all about your phone and instead nuzzling into his warmth, counting the freckles on his face. "You're the angel here... Why didn't you wake me? It's so late now, and it's your day off!"
You didn't want to spend all day in bed with him when it was his only day off in a while... Though maybe that's what he preferred, seeing as he worked so hard these days.
He stretched out, the action making it hard for you to hold back your cuteness aggression towards him. He rubbed his eyes, rolling over to lay on his back.
"I only just woke up, right before you," he explained, reaching over to cup your hand in his as he checked his phone. He'd probably only just mustered up the energy to do so.
You lay there, just basking in the afternoon light while Felix answered some messages, quietly holding hands. After a while, he put his phone away and focused his attention on you again, resting on his side.
"Do you remember what you told me last night? Before we went to bed," he asked, waiting for you to meet his eyes.
You didn't for a moment, feeling a little sheepish now that it was morning, and you weren't as confident as you had been last night. But he somehow always found a way to make you immune to embarrassment when it came to expressing yourself.
"...Yes."
"Do you still mean it?"
You met his eyes then, still soft, still gentle as they always were. There was nothing in them that told you not to be sure of your answer, and so you were. You were sure of what you wanted.
"Yes, I still mean it."
He nodded, rubbing his chin as if lost in his own thoughts for a moment, "You're sure?"
You let out a small chuckle, your lips curling upwards at his questioning. Oh, you were definitely sure. "Yes, I'm sure, Felix. The only thing stopping me would be if you didn't want to take things further."
He nodded again, still rubbing his chin, before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to your lips. Gentle, not rushed, not letting you in on what was going on in his head. Just the same sweet Felix as always.
Then he pulled away, meeting your eyes. "Then... can I go down on you?"
He looked almost relieved to utter the words, his eyes big and boba-like, and he was nearly pouting. What you hadn't known all this time was how much he'd been thinking about it; finally eating you out. Sure, having sex with you was on his mind a lot, too, but there was nothing quite as arousing as the thought of finally tasting you. He already knew you'd taste exquisite, no doubt there.
Your mouth formed an 'o', a little taken aback by his question. Or rather, his face when he asked it. He looked so innocent, and he was, in your head, innocent. But then the memory of him beneath you while you were making out with him on his lap flashed before your eyes, the small whimpers and touchy hands despite how much he tried to hold them back. Then him having to use the bathroom ten minutes after you'd decided to stop, because he was still so hard in his pants, but would never vocalise it - wouldn't want to rush you.
Truly, you did not understand how much of a pervert he actually was. Not yet, anyway. He was good at hiding it.
He let you process his question because he knew he was being forward, but he didn't take it back either, didn't rush you to answer. He let it hang in the air for as long as you needed.
You swallowed the lump in your throat that had kept you from speaking, all shy eyes and lip-biting.
"Yeah, that's- I mean, if you want to..."
"But do you want me to?"
You glanced at his lips, thought of his tongue and how it'd feel on your cunt. Fuck, you wanted it. So much. "Yes. Definitely."
Felix smiled, his hand snaking down to your thigh to pull you closer and move himself between your legs. You couldn't see it from this angle, but he was already embarrassingly hard at the thought of eating you out. He'd been thinking of it all morning.
He squeezed your thigh. "Then can I taste you now, baby?"
His voice was deeper, clouded by the arousal he felt already, infecting you as it sent a thrill between your legs, where he was posed up. You nodded, watching him as he shuffled backwards on his knees until he had both of his arms hooked under your knees, face so close to your clothed core already. It was a little intrusive, but you just about held back the urge to hide behind your hands.
His thumbs rubbed over the part of your thighs that wasn't covered by your night shorts. "Say it out loud. I need to hear you say the words. Tell me I can have a taste."
His coaxing, almost pleading words made your core throb with need. Just the way he looked up at you from between your legs had you aching for more.
"Please, Lix. Put your mouth on me," you breathed out, almost unable to fully get the words out.
His smile would've been almost reassuring had it not been for the obvious excitement on his face, his fingers slowly tracing upwards until they reached the hem of your shorts.
Slowly, he slid them down your legs, keeping his eyes on yours the whole time, making sure you felt safe. But once your panties were on display for him, he moved his gaze there, almost moaning at the sight of the soft cotton material.
"God, you're so beautiful. I can't wait to make you feel good, angel. I've been waiting for so long."
His mouth latched onto the sensitive skin of your inner thigh, subconsciously pulling you closer to his mouth where his hands held you in place. Your legs tensed up when his tongue darted out, rolling along your soft skin, followed by the gentle nibble of his teeth, marking you.
Feeling his mouth so close to your core and nibbling on the sensitive skin of your thighs made your cunt sob for more. But it was even worse when his face got close enough that his nose nudged against the fabric of your panties while he pressed kisses to your thighs, until he at last pressed a kiss over your sopping cunt. You let out a small whine, laying your head back against the pillow, because watching him do that was making you lose your mind.
He mouthed at your panties, wetting them more than they already were from your arousal, letting out small moans against you. The vibrations made pleasure bloom where you needed it most, your legs closing together around his head on instinct.
"Lix... mm- feels good," you hummed, trying to keep your voice down. You felt a little embarrassed when you made any noises, already overwhelmed by the feeling of his mouth on you, even if you had been wanting it so badly.
He continued to mouth at you through your panties, his tongue peeking out to tease you through the material, imagining the real deal beneath it. His grip on your thighs tightened only when you were about to squeeze his head completely, gently pulling them apart again.
"Then keep your legs apart, okay? I want to take my time with you," he hummed, meeting your eyes for just a second before putting all of his focus on your cunt again. He looked almost mesmerised, hungry. And when you saw that look in his eyes, you chose to shut up and lay back down. You wanted to see him get carried away, like he seemed to have been wanting for as long as you.
He hooked his fingers under the waistband of your panties, peeling them down your legs and exposing you to him fully. He hummed, gently placing your slick underwear beside you on the bed before lying down on his stomach, face lined up with your cunt.
He licked his lips as he took you in, slowly sliding his hands up your thighs before using his fingers to spread your pussy lips apart. You felt shy under his hungry gaze, but you stayed still, wanting to see what he would do.
After looking at you for a long moment, he finally put his mouth on you, his lips softly pressing against your wet cunt, almost like he was making out with you. You hummed, shutting your eyes for a second as you took in the feeling of his soft lips on such a sensitive part of your body.
He moved slowly at first, just kissing you there at his own pace before licking a stripe through your walls. You squealed then, hand reaching down to hold onto something. His hand came up, meeting yours without taking his mouth off of you, gradually gaining a pace with his tongue shoving into your cunt.
You bit your lip to try and silence the sounds that threatened to escape you, squeezing his hand while your hips bucked up for more. He let out a low moan against you, slurping up everything you gave to him, getting lost in the taste of you.
"You taste so good... so sweet..." he mumbled against you, his hair brushing against your thighs as his head bobbed slightly. You whined at his words, only to be broken off by a moan when his free hand reached up and his thumb pressed tight circles over your clit.
You cried out then, not even aware of your whimpers and moans as pleasure overtook you. You were so close to coming, it was embarrassing. It had just been so long since you'd been touched, even by yourself, and all this built-up tension with Felix left you so sensitive and desperate.
"A-ah, Felix..! I'm so close-" You interrupted yourself with a shuddering moan, squeezing his hand tighter as he continued to thrust his tongue into you, and his finger kept moving so flawlessly against your clit.
He groaned at your reaction, grinding his hips against the mattress as he had been doing since he got comfortable there. His cock ached in his sweatpants, leaking pre-cum that would surely stain them. But he didn't care. He needed more of you.
"Cum for me... Please cum... Let me taste it, please baby." His words were muffled against your cunt, but it didn't matter once you finally felt your orgasm wash over you.
You let out a broken whimper, eyes rolling back as your hips twitched against his face. Your hand moved from his to grip his hair tightly instead, tugging lightly at the strands. He kept licking over you, using his mouth to its best ability while he felt your walls gush around his tongue. He sucked up the arousal and cum you gave to him, licked you clean until your legs twitched around his head from overstimulation.
He pulled back, completely out of breath, your slick lining his lips as he looked up at you. You met his eyes almost deliriously, still coming down from the high he just gave you. A smile spread across his face at the sight of you, unable to help himself as he let out a small chuckle. He moved to rest on his knees between your legs again, kissing you with your slick still on his lips.
"I'd ask if you felt good but... given your sounds, I'll assume the answer is yes," he spoke lowly against your lips, teasing you a little. You whined, but didn't really care all that much - not when he'd just made you feel that good.
"Was I that loud?"
He thought it over, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Let's just hope Seungmin isn't home."
Before you could think on that too much, like he knew you would, he lay down on the bed, looking over at you with an almost expectant smile.
"Come here, baby."
You looked at him for a moment, aware of your half-nakedness now that the orgasm had washed away, before scooting over to him. He placed his hands on your hips, settling you over his lap while he got comfortable against the pillows, like he hadn't just eaten you out so obsessively seconds ago.
You could feel how hard he was beneath you, his cock poking up through his sweatpants right against your bare cunt. You whimpered at the feeling, instinctively grinding down against him, to which he stilled your hips with a pained groan. Your brows furrowed slightly.
"No, baby... I just want to focus on you right now. Sit on my face," he practically moaned, hands already trying to manoeuvre your body upwards.
You were almost a little disappointed that you wouldn't be able to feel his cock after waiting for so long, but you decided to let him run the show. After that orgasm, you'd just about give him whatever he wanted.
He could sense your slight disappointment even as you crawled up towards his face, chuckling at your reaction. "Come on. Be patient, hm?"
You nodded despite your heart's desires, moving to straddle his face instead. It felt vulnerable being in this position above him, but you didn't really mind - that was until he started pulling you impossibly closer to his face.
Your hips twitched, unfamiliar with the change of position, how he tried to make you sit down on him fully. "Lix, this is fine. I don't want to, like... crush you."
Your face heated up when he chuckled, his hot breath fanning your cunt, enough to make you squirm. "You won't crush me. Just sit down. Trust me," he urged you, placing a kiss over one of the marks he'd left on your inner thigh.
He held a firm, comfortable grip on your hips, before moving his hands down to your thighs as soon as you found the courage to sit on his face. He wanted to keep you there, in case you lost confidence, too desperate to have you like this to risk you pulling away for even a second.
Your hips stuttered the second his mouth was on you again, already managing to be as wet as before and even more sensitive after coming once already. His tongue started licking you again, rolling against you first and then letting his lips envelop your pussy lips.
You were already moaning again, closing your eyes in pleasure and then taking in the sight of him eating you out from this position. Your fingers found his hair once more, tugging on the blonde strands when the pleasure became too overwhelming.
He kept you there, held still against his face as he got lost in the taste of you. He was sure he was seeing heaven at times, his hips grinding against the air uselessly while his nose nudged against your clit.
Your moans turned into cries of pleasure, unable to help how your hips seemed to chase his mouth, grinding against his face and throwing your head back.
You could hardly understand Felix when he spoke against you again, only focused on how the vibrations of his deep voice affected you, "So good... just like that... ride my face..."
And you did, whether on purpose or not, it didnt matter, because the pleasure had consumed you now. You weren't in control of your own body anymore, chasing the second orgasm that threatened to blow over you.
"G-gonna... gonna cum again- Felix!" you sobbed. The shred of dignity you had left tried to move off of him, but his hands kept you locked in place, mouth moving to suckle on your clit, letting you smother his face.
You almost fell over, riding his face as you came all over it. He caught your cum with his mouth, slurping it up just like before, like he had been parched for weeks.
You were a panting mess above him, eyes shut and head thrown back, still overwhelmed with pleasure even when his mouth pulled back for air.
Truthfully, Felix had been almost suffocated by your thighs and your sopping cunt. But he'd done it to himself. He didn't care about the lack of air as long as he had your cunt on his face. He panted beneath you, gauging your face from where he lay as he caught his breath.
But once he'd gotten enough air, and you still weren't over the orgasm, he went back in. I mean, your warm pussy was still right in his face - so tempting, almost begging for his attention. He just had to.
You practically flinched when his mouth met your cunt again, the only thing holding you steady being his hands that kept you in place. You tugged on his hair, like that would make him stop, but he only moaned against you at the feeling, the vibrations almost making you cry.
"F-Felix..! Felix, s-stop-. I-it's too much!" you choked out, body heaving as your knees gave out beneath you. You lost your balance and had to settle for holding yourself up against the mattress as Felix continued his assault on your cunt.
"Just one more... one more, baby... you can do it..." Again, his words came out muffled against you. But even if his mouth wasn't buried against your cunt, you weren't sure you'd be able to comprehend his words anyway with the waves of pleasure currently crashing down on you.
High-pitched sounds of agony or pleasure or both left your mouth, out of your control, and you weren't even fully aware of it, too far gone. Your hips twitched and thighs ached from the position he had you in, but all you felt was your next orgasm closing in on you, swirling around in the pit of your stomach.
The corners of your eyes stung with tears, barely able to catch your breath as the intensity of your orgasm washed over you. But it was much more intense than before, your body tensing up as you came.
"L-Lix! Lix-! C-coming..!"
Felix groaned beneath you as you came, followed by even more of your juices when you squirted, soaking his face. Just then his own hips thrusted into the air, and at the feeling of your cum hitting his face, he came too, moaning against your cunt before pulling away to catch his breath.
It had been all he needed - he should be embarrassed, really, to have cum in his pants like this. But he wasn't - far from it. He didn't need anything other than being stuck between your thighs like this to get him off.
You hadn't even noticed him coming, gasping for air yourself, unsure of your surroundings as you crashed onto the mattress. Felix released your legs then, looking over at you to check if you were okay. He brushed a strand of hair out of your face as he rolled you onto your back, rubbing your sides affectionately.
Even with his face still dripping with your cum and his sweatpants soiled, he needed to check on you first.
"Hey, baby. Are you good?" he asked softly, watching as you still tried to catch your breath.
Your eyes fluttered open, and you could just about manage a nod and a quick look at his wet face. You groaned. "Did... did I seriously squirt on you?" You would've been more embarrassed if he hadn't just completely wrecked you.
He chuckled, gently brushing your cheek with his thumb. "Yeah, you did. It was amazing."
You groaned again, but he didn't pay it much mind, leaving for the bathroom instead. He came back with two glasses of water and a new pair of sweats for himself, his face dry now. And you were a little more conscious, to say the least.
"Thank you," you said when he handed you the glass, sitting up a little to drink from it. He kissed your cheek in response, taking a sip of his own glass before standing up to change into the sweatpants.
Your eyes widened, having just noticed the dark patch on the crotch part of them, making it obvious what had happened while he was busy pleasuring you. He noticed your staring and felt his face heat up despite himself. "I couldn't help it when you were moaning like that and... well, I think I'm gonna have to make you squirt like that every time. It was too good."
Somehow you were the one with a hot face now, and chose to drink from your glass to spare yourself the embarrassment. Even then, you found it hot how Felix had gotten off to pleasuring you. You surely didn't mind it.
He changed into the new sweatpants with his back turned to you, and you couldn't help but check him out from behind, enjoying the view for the few seconds it was there.
He sat down on the edge of the bed once fully changed, grabbing a wet cloth off the nightstand you hadn't even noticed before. You still felt a little delirious, that much was certain. He carefully spread your legs, wiping down your inner thighs and then your sensitive cunt, making sure you were fully clean. Once done, he set the cloth aside again.
You were both silent for a moment before he spoke up quietly, "It wasn't too much for you at the end, was it? I'm sorry if I got a little carried away..." He cleared his throat, his eyes not meeting yours for a second as he rested a hand on your waist, a silent comfort.
You managed a small smile, placing your hand over his before leaning in to kiss him. He hummed, kissing you back instantly, cupping your cheek. When you pulled back your eyes met his, still glistening from the aftermath of your intimacy.
"It was perfect. A little overwhelming, but I really enjoyed it, Lix. Did you?" You felt like you already had the answer to that but you were just making sure. You had to ask.
"Are you serious? That was the best thing I've ever done." His eyes widened enthusiastically, his hand clasping yours. You both just smiled at each other for a while, giddy about the new step in your relationship.
His phone dinged then, where it lay on the nightstand, and seeing who it was from, he grabbed the phone off the table. A small wince escaped him, scratching the back of his head before showing the text to you.
"Somebody isn't as happy as us, that's for sure..."
You looked at the text from Seungmin, grimacing at the screen;
Thanks for waking me up, totally won't be an awkward breakfast. Assholes -_-
cw: reader has a dramatic inner monologue ( međ ), cursing omg, smut â sub leaning chan, male whimpering !!!, pussy job ( humping ), aftercare awww
summary: you went to collect your belongings from your exâs house.
âwell, well, well.â â the nerve of this man to answer the door in just grey sweatpants.
âhow can you open the door naked like this? what if i was a neighbour?â
chan smiled down at you through loose strands of dark hair. he blatantly scanned over your outfit â a pink and grey iamgia set. he almost let his bottom lip slide between his teeth. *almost. he figured he should make at least some attempt at not pissing you off. âi knew it was you. i know what your knock sounds like.â
âfuck, i donât even know why i came back here. i should have just made you bring my shit to my house.â
âyou wanted to see me.â
âi wanted to make sureââ
âmake sure you got everything, i know.â he finished your sentence for you. you hated how well he knew you. after breaking up with you he should have forgotten everything about you. he didnât deserve the memory of your presence. âitâs so you never have to come back, right?â
âexactly, you can be smart sometimes.â
âi can, canât i? well, come on in, sweetheart.â he turned his body to the side in the doorway, forcing you to squeeze past him, chest-to-chest.
âletâs not be starting with that now.â
âyes maâam, my bad.â chan pretended to salute and you knew you wouldnât get away from this house as swiftly as you thought. every little quirk he displayed, that rolled together into his goofy personality, brought a different memory to the front of your brain. and it made you nauseous.
âso. whereâs my stuff at?â you scanned over the generously decorated walls of the house as you walked down the hall towards his home studio. please can my stuff be in the studio, you thought.
âyour stuffâs in my room. you can go get it.â
uh. ok. you switched your direction to start walking up the stairs, not without giving him a disapproving look â you never used to have to do things for yourself when it was you and him. he was always opening doors for you, putting your feet up for you, making you dinner... while you were around halfway up, bang chan was still stood waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs, one hand leant up against the bannister with a smug look on his face.
âso, now that weâre not together anymore, youâve forgotten how to use manners?â
âiâm mean to everyone except my girl.â
you knew he was just playing, but you refused to let him know you still found him funny. âwhat you are is corny as fuck.â
when you reach his bedroom, itâs dark in there, save for the low lights on his headboard, and it almost looks like theyâre casting a spotlight on the bag at the end of the bed. a dark coloured, monogram, louis vuitton travel bag that you canât tell whether you left behind or he bought it new, just to give your stuff back in it. just to remind you of the life youâre leaving behind. bent in rather an uncomfortable position, you start rifling through the bag to check if everything was there. your toiletries, some pajamas and underwear, some clothesâ you didnât miss the sound of hushed footsteps ascending the stairs.
chan approached to the doorway, leaning his entire body against it and looking down at your figure bent over the bed âyou been working out?â
âif youâre staring at my ass, iâm gonna be really annoyed.â
he stifled a laugh.
âand since youâre that kind of gentleman, you should be looking at no oneâs butt except your girlâs. which i am not.â
you zipped up the bag. âyeah, at this point, if i leave something here, it canât have been that important to me.â
âmm.â chan pursed his lips, âthat feels targeted.â
ânah, youâre just full of yourself.â
you picked the bag up off the bed, smoothed down your trackset and started to walk towards the doorway. the doorway that your ex was still very much stood in. unmoving, like he was the door itself.
â is there a problem?â you blinked at him and signalling that he get out of your way.
âthereâs actually one thing i forgot.â
âright. and that is..?â
âi want one last kiss. before you leave me in the dust.â
you threw your head back with an exasperated sigh. partially in disbelief, partially in annoyance. âyour ass is crazy.â
with both hands, he reached to hold onto yours, after taking the bag out of your right hand and placing it on the floor. âi just need something to hold me over. i need closure.â
âboy⊠you got your closure already.â
âhow?â
âmm. you know what you said, you got your closure.â
âjust one kiss, baby. for the last time in our lives.â
you scrunched your eyes closed and let out a deep breath you didnât realise you were holding. âon the lips right?â
âno, your pussy.â
one of his brows quirked up at you and you couldnât believe what you had just heard. âyou got me fucked upââ
âthat was sarcasm. god. yes, your lips, cmere.â he gently grabbed your jaw, pulling you in for the kiss and he wasted no time pushing his tongue into your mouth and gliding it against yours, making you moan. his hands roamed slowly; cautiously, down your back to find home on your ass cheeks, as if you had never separated. he deepened the kiss, switching between making out with you and pushing sloppy pecks on your lips. you let him have you for about 20 blissful seconds before you put your hands on his shoulders, signalling that it was time for him to cut it out.
âwow, wasnât that nice?â you lifted your middle finger to try and salvage what was left of your lip combo. ânot exactly one kiss but iâll let it slide since i only just stopped you.â
âone kiss was never just one kiss with us though was it?â
âriiight⊠let me grab my shit and go.â
âyouâre still not feeling for me after that?â
you sigh for what feels like the 10th time tonight. because of course you are, you just donât need him to be knowing that.
âi literally knew you would try and get me. i need to get home, iâve had this makeup on all day, i feel icky.â
âi can take it off for you, just waitâ he grabbed back onto your hand and intertwined your fingers. âiâm not ready to let you go yet.â chan was sporting something of a cocky expression. like he wasnât serious at all. but you could tell, he was masking a sadness under there. you just couldnât understand how that could be.
âclearly.â
he laughed at your bluntness. even though shit wasnât funny to him right now.
âwhat if i told you i canât let go of you? like physically i canât.â
âyou can deadlift 350lbs but donât have the strength to let go of my hand?â
his head jolted back in a confused expression, âhow do you know theâ? anyway, not important, that doesnât even compare to how hard it is to let go of you. not even close.â
âno?â
he brought one of your hands that he was holding up to his lips to place a barely-there kiss on it, before pulling you closer to him by your hand. âno. donât go home yet.â
you felt so conflicted. the reason you had left in the first place was because you were standing your ground. what was the point in all that if you werenât going to continue doing so?
âfuck, ok, fine. but iâm setting down some rules.â
chan tried not to look too excited. not that it worked at all. âiâm all ears baby.â
âiâm deadass when i say; you will never see me again after this. donât try hitting me up.â
he nodded affirmatively. âi got you.â
âand donât tell your friends. or mine, especially not mine.â
âitâs our secretâ he held his pinky up to yours, swearing this incident to secrecy.
âi canât believe myself.â you whispered under your breath, intertwining your pinky with his and immediately crashing your lips together. you were so lost.
chan picked you up and carried you that short distance to the bed, just so he could lean his body over yours when he set you down. he pressed featherlight kisses all over your face and the expanse of your neck, making your squirm under him. you whined at the disappearance of his warmth on your neck only to open your eyes and see that he had gotten down on his knees at the foot of the bed. he started to pull your leggings off slowly, leaving kisses all over your legs. when his lips moved over to your inner thighs, chan made it a point to keep his hands steadily holding your legs open when they started twitching closed around his head.
finally, he licked a long stripe over your pussy through your underpants. âthese are cute.â he whispered keeping his mouth on you while his big brown eyes bore into yours.
you didnât reply, only rolling your eyes in annoyance as he dragged the panties down and immediately sucked your clit into his mouth. one of your hands flew to grab his hair while the other gripped the comforter below you. since the both of you had that mutual crash out on each other, you hadnât been uh.. loving on yourself â you found yourself busy doing other things â so the yearning in you seemed to overshadow the fact that you were letting your ex eat you out right now.
one of chanâs hands reaching up to cup your breast and rolling the nipple between his thumb and forefinger forced you to break your vow of silence. you moaned loudly and the sound went straight to his ego.
âoh, i know, baby. feels good, doesnât it?â you didnât think his tone could get any more patronising. and as much as you didnât want to admit, it was turning you on so much.
the closer you started to get, the sloppier his lips got against your cunt. leaving heavy kisses all over the expanse of it and ever so often dipping the tip of his tongue inside of you, nose bumping against your clit. your legs started to quiver slightly, âiâm gonna cum, channie.â and thatâs when he stops.
âoh my god, why?â
âi want you to cum on my dick, baby.â
you furrowed your brows up at him, but you refused to give in. refused to be submissive to him. especially, not after how he did you. you sat up on your elbows just glaring at him and he couldnât help but smile back down at you.
âthat a problem?â he ran his thumb over the apple of your cheek.
âno. get on your back.â you got up.
âoh, youâre gonna push me around?
âdonât you at least owe me that?â
he smirked at you, taking the place where you were laid on the bed and pulling his sweatpants down, leaving himself in some boxer briefs of a lighter grey.
âyou left the boxers on.. you think youâre getting the same treatment as me?â
ânot necessarily. i just like it when you undress me.â the way he looked up at your naked body towering over him was almost pornographic. his lips were still glossy from eating you out and his pupils were blown wide with lust.
you pulled his boxers down to reveal that he was already fully hard. chan moaned at the contact of your soft palm against the tip of his dick, slick with glittering precum. you circled your palm around the tip, making him squirm a little before pushing his dick forwards to be flush against his lower abdomen.
âwhat are you doing, hm?â
his hands rubbed over your naked thighs as you moved to straddle your bare pussy over the shaft of his dick.
gently, you sat down on it and started grinding yourself on him, your clit catching on his tip with each shift of your hips.
chan couldnât even stop his eyes from rolling back, âugh, fuck.â as his hand moved to grab your ass for stability. his tip nudging against your clit again and again pushed him into a desperate state. whining and moaning under you.
âfuckfuckfuckâ that feels r-really nice. mmh.â
the lewd sounds he was making under you only made your pussy leak more onto his dick and you started effortlessly sliding on him. and still, the louder your moans started to get as you neared your orgasm again, you sounded nowhere near as pathetic as him. you werenât talking to him and it was driving him crazy. somehow you ignoring him was turning him on more.
âkeep moving like that and iâm gonna fucking cum. wait baby, stop, iâmââ he cut himself off with a low whine.
leaning forwards, you braced yourself against him placing your hands on his arms at either side, unintentionally pinning him down and making his eyes roll.
chanâs breath started to pick up, âno, fuck, i donât wanna cum like this. wanted to cum in youâ ohh, fuck iâm cumming. iâmâ shit.â
thick ropes of cum spurted out all over his abs that already glistened with a sheen of sweat. as he came, chanâs hips start stuttering under yours triggering your orgasm with the combination of friction and his cries of pleasure. you let your body flop against his, heavily breathing on his heaving chest.
âfuck.. why werenât you talking to me?â he dealt a light swat to your ass to get your attention.
âi was concentrating.â
âconcentrating on torturing me?â
you opted not to answer that one. âwell.â you sat back up on him, not missing the way he twitched at your movement. âi hope youâre satisfied.â
the two of you looked at eachother while you got off of his lap. his hair was moderately fucked up, his cheeks were pink and his face was glowing.
âseems as though you are.â
âyouâre cruel.â
you started putting your panties back on, âwell, donât be doing shit to people and expect them not to do shit back. does that make sense?â
he just frowned at you, watching you get ready to go. âwaitâŠâ
âwhat now, chan?â honestly. you did nawt have it in you to go again.
âi can still take your makeup off. i have wipes.â
oh. you watched him disappear into his en suite to clean himself and continued putting your clothes back on. he came out with some sensitive wipes and sat next to you, silently wiping your face, starting with your eye makeup.
âyou know these wipes are actually pretty bad for your skin.â
a ghost of a smile settled on his features. âpfft, so why are you letting me do this?â by force of habit, your hand went to hold his arm where he was holding your face still and wiping with the other hand.
âi think itâs only bad if you do it oftenâŠâ
âi see. whoâs your source?â
âtiktok.â
âright.â
chan started wiping around your mouth which shut you up with an offended hum at which he laughed quietly. then he spoke, voice barely above a whisper. âdone.â
you looked up at him, letting him press a gentle peck to your lips. you both knew between you that this was really the last one and it made your heart ache.
wordlessly he walked with you, all the way to the front door. before you walked out, you stopped yourself.
âhey. if you text me i might reply.â
âoh, how lucky iâd be.â he smiled softly at you.
âbut before u think about doing that, maybe take some time. figure your shit out.â
chan scoffed out a laugh. âyeah ok. iâll see u later.â
summary: You'd never risk ruining the friendship, but maybe you'd be more willing if you knew he felt the same.
warnings: FWB, Childhood best friends to lovers, miscommunication, smut, fingering, multiple orgasms (reader), unprotected sex
word count: 4.4k
a/n: I listened to a lot of Bella Kay while writing this, mostly Promise?
I'm scared to death that I'll be wishing for you for the rest of my life.
You've known Chan since middle school; you've known him longer than you haven't, and you don't take that lightly.
Which is why you avoided telling him how you felt when you were 16Â and he asked another girl to homecoming.Â
You avoided telling Chan how you felt when you were 18, and he was choosing which college to go to.Â
You've avoided telling Chan your feelings every day since you started sleeping together 6 months ago.Â
"Now you have to tell him how you feel," your friend Minnie says to you the day after you and Chan's very first night together, "because that's for sure happening again." Her voice certain.
"It can't," you say with a shake of your head.
"So pretty." Chan's breath is hot against your face, with his fingers under your skirt working themselves in and out of your cunt with ease. You're sure you're dripping down his wrist.
He has you pressed against the back of Minho's bar's bathroom door. It was a much-needed night out for the group, and also a Wednesday night, so the bar wasn't as packed as it usually is.
While your group of friends is busy playing pool, you allow yourself to be lured away by the man whom you promised you wouldn't even so much as look at with anything but innocent eyes after hooking up for like the 20th time last week.
"he does it on purpose," your best friend Jihyo says in your shared apartment one night. "he knows you can't resist him, but he lets you feel like you're succeeding before tugging you back." She lazily picks at the tub of ice cream in your lap.
"And why would he do that?" You tilt your head, you don't believe her, but you want to know her reasoning.
With the spoon in her mouth, she hums before yanking the silverware out with a pop, "because he likes you just as much as you like him, but you're both too chickenshit to do anything."
You shake your head, retrieving your spoon from her, and as the strawberry cheesecake-flavored ice cream melts on your tongue, you think about Jihyo's words. There's no way Chan sees you as anything but a friend he has sex with sometimes, and even if he did, you can't and won't risk your friendship on a maybe.Â
"be quiet for me, yeah?" Chan whispers against your ear. "and cum for me." he encourages.
You're not thinking about how messy this is- hooking up in a public bathroom when your friends aren't that far away- when you cum, your mind is only on him, on the man who dyed his hair blonde on a whim and said he'd keep it when you said you liked it.
Clarity doesn't hit till you're watching Chan wash his hands in the sink, "wanna come to mine after? Jeongin is crashing at his parents' tonight."
When you don't respond, he looks at your reflection in the mirror, eyebrows raised in question. You've fixed your skirt, but you're still pressed against the bathroom door. "Chan, we need to stop this."
He looks down to close the tap, but you don't miss the amusement on his face. When he turns to you, the amusement melts away, replaced by something softer when he sees the crease in your brows.
"What's wrong, y/n? This is good, don't you like this?" he's leaning against the sink now, undivided attention on you.
You want to say yes- that's why you keep coming back, but worry sets in every time you catch yourself wondering what he's doing when he's not around, or when you miss him even though you just saw him. Your feelings are getting messier every time you feel his lips on yours, and you can't keep putting yourself through this.
"No." You finally say, a sigh escaping you.
Chan frowns, eyebrows shooting up to his hairline as alarm takes over his features. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't-"
You feel guilt immediately for making him think he'd made you uncomfortable in any way.
"No, I don't regret any of this, I just mean-" you finally step away from the door. "You're my best friend, and this already went on for a lot longer than it should have." Chan doesn't say anything, you continue. "I mean, we're only getting older, we should be going out with people, looking for the people we're gonna marry. Not doing.... this." You gesture between the two of you.
Chan's eyes are on your hands, and when they look back up to meet yours, his face is completely wiped of emotion. He's angry, and it scares you a bit. In all your years of friendship, Chan has never once directed his anger towards you, not seriously at least. There was that one time in high school when you promised to save a seat for him on the bus, but your classmate Jeremy took it before you could say anything. Chan rolled his eyes at you, but he still walked you home- in silence.Â
"What?" You ask nervously.
"No, you're right. We're almost 30 after all." He starts for the door, making you frown.
"That's it?" It's not that you expect him to give you any push back, but you expected at least a little reassurance from him that the two of you are still good and this is the right choice.Â
"What? I agree with you, it's best we stop here." His blank eyes bore into yours for a couple of seconds before he walked past you and out the bathroom door.
"Is there a deadline for marriage? Why the hell would you say that?" Jihyo all but shouts at you when you fill her and Minnie in on what happened while sitting on the floor of your living room.
"Well, no, but isn't 30 the norm, or at least when you actually think about it?" you ask.
"That's just an excuse," Minnie says with a roll of her eyes. You glare at her.
"What did he say after? Jihyo asks, pulling your eyes away from Minnie.
"Nothing really?" You frown, the memory of Chan's blank expression comes to mind again. "he just agreed with me and then walked out." You shrug.
"Oh, that's what happened between you two, the vibes were really off towards the end of the night." Minnie looks at Jihyo, who nods in agreement.
"off how? We didn't even talk to each other?" You look between the two girls like they're the crazy ones.
"Exactly, you guys are always attached at the hip, laughing and joking, being the loudest of the group."
"I'd argue Changbin is the loudest." you point out, the girls ignore you.
"So he obviously wasn't okay with you calling it off," Jihyo says.
"he said he was!" you exclaim.
"Well, yeah, because he's a man," Jihyo says, but Minnie is the one who finishes her point. "Men are liars."
You sigh before concluding, "he'll get over it." and you don't miss the look Jihyo and Minnie share.
A week of no contact has you feeling like a caged animal in the zoo, watching Chan through the glass as he posts on his IG story and sends messages in the group chat while he refuses to acknowledge you.
You sent a few reels, and when those are left on seen, you sent him a text which he left on read. In all the years you've known Chan, you've never gone a week without any interaction with him.Â
"You're going tonight." Jihyo throws a dress at you that she picked from her closet.
You groan, you're already showered and wrapped in a towel, as you search for your comfort PJs when Jihyo walks in.
You knew she was going out tonight, so you planned to cuddle on the couch and rot for the rest of the night.Â
"It's his apartment, and I know he doesn't want me there." you say.
"It's Jeongin's birthday, you can't miss it." As she says this, you uncrumple the dress she threw at you. It's a lacy, black strap dress. "I haven't even worn it yet, so feel honored," Jihyo says before walking to your vanity, picking up your blow dryer.
"Now come here, it's already 8."
"Stop pulling it up." Jihyo scolds you outside Chan and Jeongin's apartment as you wait for someone to answer the door.
You only noticed how booby the dress was after putting it on, but by then it was already too late to change; Jihyo wouldn't let you.
"I'm not trying to flash my tits to all our friends," you hiss.
"No, just one." She responds, but before you could say anything else, the front door swings open.
"Noona!" Han says with so much enthusiasm that it has you already wanting to go home.
Then his eyes drop to your chest, eyebrows raising. "Whoa, that's one way to get someone's attention."
"Shut up or I'll bring up the story of you getting pants," you say, pushing past him and into the apartment.
"I'm shutting up." you hear him say behind you, but your eyes are already on him.
Chan, who looks up as soon as you step into his home, as if he could sense you.Â
He looks away before you can even raise your hand to wave. You knew you missed him, missed his laugh, his comforting eyes, and his stupid, pretty face. You were very aware that you missed him, but seeing him now, across the room, still avoiding you, really makes you miss him.
"Thanks for coming." Jeongin says cutting through your tunnel vision on Chan.
"Of course." You smile, and Jeongin returns the gesture when you hand him a tiny gift box, his eyes forming small crescents as he pulls you into a side hug, hand lightly patting your arm as he thanks you.Â
"I'll open it later." he says before excusing himself to place the gift on the dining table along with the others.Â
"It's working." Minnie says beside you, you look over at her before following her line of sight to catch Chan just as he looks away.
"You should make him jealous." She proposes making you fix her with a squint.
"He's not gonna get jealous of any of these boys." You gesture to the group of the same boys you've known since middle school, high school, and college.
"Of Lee Minho, he might." She suggests the two of you find the man sitting on the couch with a bored expression as Han and Hyunjin speak animatedly to each other on either side of him.Â
"The two of you dated in college." She reminds you, it was before the two of you became friends, you had the same math class, and he asked you out for coffee a few times, but nothing really happened besides one heated makeup session at a frat party.
"Yeah, and there's a reason we didn't continue. Besides, I'm not using anyone to make Chan jealous." Your voice drops to a whisper at his name. "I just want our friendship back," you turn back to face the scattered friend group.Â
Your eyes drift to Chan once again, and he's laughing so hard that he has to place his hand over his chest. He looks so beautiful, and you wish you knew what was said to make him laugh like he's losing his breath.
"y/n!" You're pulled from your thoughts by Seungmin calling you from beside the TV in the living room. "Karaoke?" he's holding up a microphone, and YouTube is already pulled up on the TV.
You were with Chan when he decided to stop by the store and look at the options for stereos. As soon as he saw the speakers with two microphones, the first words out of his mouth were "the boys would love this."
You roll your eyes but smile as you cross the living room to him. "Voulez-vous?" he asks. You nod before turning to Han, your duet partner. "You're singing with me?"
"Of course!" Han hops up from his spot on the couch, grabbing the mic from Seungmin.Â
You get a few encouraging cheers from your friends as they gather around the couches. "I'm after!" Changbin holds up a finger like he's in school asking a question.Â
As the music plays your friends clap along to the beat, and when it gets to the chorus, they're singing along to the "AH HA!" s
Your eyes find Chan's at some point; he's watching the two of you, smiling, but it isn't the same smile you're used to; it doesn't make a warm feeling settle in your chest like it always has. It really just makes you sad.
You try your best to keep the vibes up, looking over at Han, who's singing like his life depends on it, and almost like he senses you need a pick-me-up, he slings his arm over your shoulder and brings you closer, forcing you to sway with him.
When the song comes to an end, you catch yourself searching for Chan, where he was standing 20 seconds ago, but he's gone.
The night comes to a close by 1am. Most people work in the morning, so the group started to deplete by midnight.Â
Chan managed to avoid you the whole time, but as your friends stumble out of the house, you decide you're done letting him evade you.
"I'll stay for a bit, to help pick up." you tell Jihyo, who nods and bids you goodbye with a hug.
Minho stands by the door, sharing a look with Jihyo, and he nods like she just gave him a silent order. Then, he says, "Hey, Jeongin, wanna do last call at the bar?"
Jeongin's smile is ear-to-ear because he knows that means drinks are on Minho, and he's gonna make the best of the rest of his night.
"Hyung, don't wait up!" Jeongin shouts over his shoulder to Chan, the tone in his voice resembling that of a mischievous child.Â
Minho rolls his eyes and shoves the younger man out the door, "byee!" he calls out before slamming the door behind himself.
You turn to see Chan already picking up dirty cups and plates in the living room, trash bag in hand. You get the broom from the hallway closet and start sweeping up any crumbs you find.
You're both silent for a couple of minutes before Chan says, "You didn't have to stay."
"I always do, the oldest, remember?" you say lightheartedly. It was the role Chan appointed to himself; he always stayed behind to pick up, always arrived first at restaurants, and always planned trips for the group. You, at some point, slid yourself beside him, blaming it on being one of the two older ones in the friend group.
"That was before," he says so low you almost miss it. The broom pauses mid-sweep, and you look up at the man who continues to pick up like he didn't just say something that has confirmed all your fears.
"Before what?" you ask because, for some sick reason, you need him to say it bluntly. You need him to tell you that your friendship will never be the same again, you'll never be best friends again.
Chan looks up, expression bored, like he would rather be watching paint dry than waste his time talking to you.
"before we had sex?" you feel your lip twitch.
Chan sighs, shaking his head as he goes back to picking up trash. "Let's just drop it."
You abandon the broom, walking closer to him. "No. Tell me." You wait for Chan to look up at you before saying, "Did I fuck everything up?"
His eyes flicker back and forth between your eyes. "What did you fuck up?"
"us? our friendship?" Your heart pounds against your chest as you wait for his reply.
"No." Chan drops the trash bag from his grasp. "Nothing could ever mess with that."
"Then why are you acting this way? Why are you mad?" you cross the living room to him.Â
"I'm not mad," he shakes his head.Â
"Then what is it? Why are you avoiding me?" There is a pause after, Chan's eyes flicker across your face before he blurts out like he can't hold it in any longer. "Because I love you."
"What?" You're shocked. How could he say that so abruptly?Â
Chan's ears start to flush. "I love you, and it's not your fault that you don't feel the same, so I'm sorry for taking it out on you."
He starts to turn from you, but out of impulse, you reach for him, grabbing his forearm, stopping him from taking another step away from you.
"It's not that I don't love you-" you swallow a lump in your throat. "It's because I love you that I'm scared to lose you."
Chan's eyes soften, and he grabs ahold of your hand still on his arm, "How would you lose me?"
"What if something goes wrong? What if we realize that we're better off as friends and then everything is weird and awkward." You pause, taking a breath. "What if you see parts of me that you never knew were there and you realize you don't actually love me."
"I've known you 15 years, you really think there's any part of you I haven't seen before?" he says, amusement in his tone. You shrug, still not convinced.
"Look at what happened this week. You refused to talk to me, and we weren't even actually dating."Â you say.
"I know, I'm sorry," he pauses. "I just couldn't understand why you couldn't see us as an option. I don't want to go out and date other people; I want you. "Â
You want him too, you know you really do, but you still can't force yourself to say the words.Â
Chan sees it on your face. "You'll never lose me, you're tangled within my very being, whether we like it or not. There is nothing you can ever do to get rid of me."Â
Maybe that was really all you needed to hear because as soon as his words settle in the air, you're surging forward.
You've kissed Chan countless times before, but something is different this time. Maybe his lips are softer, maybe he perfected the exact way you enjoy being kissed, but whatever it is, the way his mouth moves against yours calms your nerves and quiets your thoughts.
Maybe this is the way it was supposed to be; maybe all those years where you found yourself longing to kiss him, you just should've.
When you pull away, you find Chan's plush lips parted, his eyes searching your face for anything that will tell him how you feel. "You can't get rid of me either." You say. Chan chuckles, nodding, "I know, and I don't want to." You close-mouth smile, leaning back in for a kiss.
Chan pulls back his eyes searching yours. "Can I take you to my room now?"
Chan's room is always neat and tidy; there's not even a sock on the ground as the two of you stumble in. His hand pulls you in by the base of your skull. You hum into the kiss, your hands resting on his wrists. The kiss is rough, like he's been waiting all night for it.
You tug at his t-shirt, and Chan pulls away from your mouth to help you by tugging it off before reconnecting to your lips like he can't be away from them for long.
With your hands on the bare skin of his waist, you push him towards the bed. When he feels like the back of his knees meet the edge, he falls into a seating position and away from your lips.
You hike up your dress and climb onto his lap. Your mouths meet again; he slips his hands up past the hem of your dress and rubs at your bare thighs.
Chan pulls away; you both gasp for air. "I want you to ride my fingers first," he whispers roughly. "I miss the way you feel on my fingers."
"It's been a week."
"Too long." He says, before his mouth finds yours again, and his hand trails to your clothed core. He rubs you through the thin fabric of your underwear. You gasp, and Chan's tongue invades your mouth, tongue moving against yours, making you groan into his mouth.
When he pushes your underwear to the side, he pulls away, leaning back to watch your face when his fingers slip past your lower lips. You gasp when Chan rubs back and forth, collecting your essence. "God, you're so wet already." He comments.
You would've been embarrassed if it wasn't for Chan easing a finger into your leaking hole. You both moan at the feeling, "So fucking soft." he whispers, his head tilting back, eyes never leaving your face.
He slowly works his finger in and out, and you both lean forward so your foreheads are pressed against each other. "And warm," he adds, his breath warm on your face.
"I'm gonna add another, yeah?" His eyes peer up at you, and you nod.
You sound soaked as he twists two fingers into your cunt. "It feels so tight and perfect, if only you knew how long this week felt." He says, but you're hardly listening when his fingers pump into you so deliciously.
"Ride my fingers, baby." You clench at the pet name coming from his mouth, because although he's definitely called you that before, this is the first time you can hear it without spiraling. He groans at the feeling of you pulse around his fingers.
You start slow, lifting up and sinking down onto the digits. Chan looks down, his eyes looking over your figure. "god, it should be illegal for you to be seen in this dress."
You speed up a bit, and Chan uses his thumb to rub at your clit. You moan, falling forward, your head resting on his shoulder. You turn your head to face him. "fuck me." Your words are barely above a whisper, but you're right by his ear. "I wanna cum on your cock" you say.
Chan groans, and before you know it, you're flipped and lying on your back, and he stands to take off his pants. You quickly sit up to slip off the straps of your dress before pushing it down your body along with your underwear.
You couldn't wear a bra with the dress, so you now lay bare; Chan's lustful eyes roam your body. "On your knees," he says, and you don't have to be told twice.
You arch your back when Chan joins you on the bed, hands gliding along the smooth skin of your thighs, hips, and up to your waist, fingers pinching the skin before sliding back to find your core. You look over your shoulder to see him focused on your cunt.
His fingers play with your clit, making you twitch. His fingers meet your entrance again, and you moan as they slip back in with ease. "Cum on my fingers first," he demands, eyes meeting yours. You nod.
You hold eye contact with him for as long as you can, but when his fingers work into you faster and harder than before, your head falls to the mattress.
"Cha-" you're cut off by a particularly deep thrust that has your eyes rolling back. Your hips move back onto their hand of their own accord.
"I want you to soak my hand," Chan says, and you pick your head up to nod. "Can you?" You nod again. "Then do it now." You're still nodding as you feel yourself about to fall over the edge.
When you cum Chan groans at the feeling of you tightening around his fingers. You search for breath as Chan continues to thrust their digits into you through your orgasm.
When he pulls his fingers from you, you have only a few seconds to calm your pounding heart before you feel his cock collecting your slick, rubbing up and down your slit.
"You look so fucking good," Chan says before slipping into your entrance with a hiss. "You feel even fucking better," he groans.
He grips your hips tightly, starting with slow thrusts; you're sensitive since you just came, the sound of your slick cunt accepting his cock that fills the room is downright filthy.
It's not too long before Chan picks up pace, pounding into your cunt with a force that feels close to punishment. It has you seeing stars. Your face is in the mattress as you groan. "Fuck. Chan," you whimper, trying your best to wait for them.
"I love it when you say my name like that," He says. "Like the way you liked when I called you baby." You clench, and you have to actively prevent yourself from cumming.
"Oh yeah," he groans. "Fucking cum, babygirl." You clench again, but Chan doesn't let you put it off again; his fingers find your clit, and as they roughly toy with the little nub, your orgasm crashes into you.
Chan grunts as your cunt grips their cock.
The arch in your back falls as your energy depletes. He adjusted himself after losing the previous angle. Leaning over you, his bare chest to your back. The thrusts sound sloppier now after you've cum twice.
"Good?" He asks. You find it in yourself to nod, and when Chan places a kiss on your cheek, "good girl." you thank him by purposely clenching onto his cock.
"Oh," he moans. Leaning back up, he adjusts his grip on your hips, lifting you to meet his brutal thrusts.
"Can you give me one more?" He asks through strained teeth.
You shake your head. Chan reaches around and rubs at your clit. "You sure?" You grip the sheets but don't reply.
"One more, please, I promise," he whispers. You nod, looking over your shoulder, "Together?" Your voice is so soft, it sounds unrecognizable to your ears.
Chan groans, "Yes." He says it quick. "Yes, let's cum together, baby," and you do; the feeling of you spilling over the edge has chan spilling inside you.
Your heart is pounding as you try to catch your breath when Chan comes into view beside you, his chest heaving.
He looks over at you, his hand reaching out to push the hair out of your face. His soft eyes look over your features before he leans in to place a soft kiss on your lips.
"I really do love you." He says.
You smile, your eyes heavy with exhaustion, "I love you too."
A/N
Thank you for reading!!
First smut on this account!! My main is @honeywritten where I post WLW smut (mostly aespa- mostly Karina)
ìŹìŹì€) being with jake meant never having to think before you spoke. he was the first person you told everything to, no matter how important or stupid it was. but after hearing him call you irritating, even once, you canât stop wondering if heâs been thinking it all along. what starts as giving him a little space slowly turns into shorter answers, unfinished stories, and eventually, complete silence.
content warning !
emotional hurt, relationship conflict, miscommunication, insecurity, self-doubt, crying, hurt feelings, guilt, comfort, reconciliation, and fluff with angst.
the apartment had that soft late afternoon glow. rain tapping the windows and a candle burning somewhere in the kitchen because you swore expensive candles made the place feel âemotionally moisturized.â jake said that phrase haunted him daily.
you were curled up on the couch beside him in oversized pink pajama shorts, talking with your hands at full speed.
âand THEN she blended the contour with a damp sponge instead of a brush and iâm telling you jake, it literally changed the structural integrity of her face.â
jake blinked slowly from where he sat, one arm stretched behind you. âstructural integrity.â
âyes!â you laughed. âlike she went from moon emoji to greek statue in thirty seconds.â
he gave a small chuckle at first. he always did. even when he didnât understand you, he liked hearing you excited. your voice filled rooms too easily. like confetti someone forgot to clean up.
âand okay wait because THEN i started thinking maybe i should try that peach undertone thing? but i donât know because the lighting in sephora is literally government propaganda.â
jake rubbed a hand down his face.
âmhm.â
you didnât notice the shift at first.
âand babe, imagine me with that glossy lip combo i showed you? the one with the liner andââ
jake exhaled hard this time.
you paused for half a second. âwhat?â
ânothin.â but his eyes had already drifted away from you toward the tv that wasnât even on.
you tried smiling anyway. âno, tell me.â
another sigh.
âbabyâŠâ he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. âi just⊠i donât understand any of this stuff.â
your fingers slowly stilled in your lap.
âi knowâŠâ you said softly, trying to laugh it off. âyou donât gotta understand makeup.â
âno but itâs likeâŠâ he shook his head. âcan you stop talking about it for like, one second?â
the room went weirdly quiet after that.
jake looked irritated in the careless way people do right before they realize they crossed a line.
âitâs just⊠damn.â he let out a dry laugh. âyouâre kinda irritating when you get like this.â
and there it was.
it wasnât not yelled or cruel. just tossed at you casually like it wouldnât land somewhere permanent.
your smile faded almost invisibly.
jake finally looked at you properly then.
you swallowed once and nodded a little too quickly. âoh.. yeah. okay.â
jake looked like he had been slapped by his own sentence. just genuinely stunned at what came out of him earlier.
his eyebrows pulled together.
ânoââ he let out a breath, almost disbelieving at himself. âno, i did not mean that.â
the bubbly energy that had been bouncing around the room seconds ago vanished like somebody unplugged it from the wall.
you stood up carefully, smoothing your shorts even though they didnât need smoothing.
âi think iâm gonna take a nap.â you said quietly. âiâm tired.â
you usually argued back. teased him. dramatically gasped and called him rude before talking again five minutes later anyway. but this? this was different. your eyes wouldnât even stay on him now.
he sat up straighter. âbaby, wait, i didnât mean it like that.â
you nodded again. too nice. too fast. âitâs okay.â
it was the âokayâ people use when it absolutely is not okay.
you started walking toward the bedroom.
jake stared at your back for two seconds before standing abruptly. âbabe.â
you stopped but didnât turn around.
he ran a hand through his hair, already hating himself. âdonât do that.â
you looked down at the floor. âiâm not doing anything.â
and somehow that hurt him more.
jake reached for your wrist gently. âbaby⊠look at me.â
you finally did and your eyes were glossy now, trying so hard not to be.
the regret hit him like a truck with brass knuckles.
âshitâŠâ he whispered immediately. âno, no, sweetheartâŠâ
his hand slid up your arm carefully like he thought you might pull away.
âi didnât mean youâre irritating.â his voice softened fast. âi was irritated. thatâs different.â
you gave the tiniest shrug. âitâs fine.â
âitâs not fine if i made you feel bad.â
your face crumpled just a little at that, enough for him to realize how hard you were trying to hold it together over one stupid comment.
jake cursed under his breath and pulled you into him before you could protest.
âyou get excited and you ramble.â he murmured into your hair. âi know that. i love that about you.â
you stayed quiet against his chest.
âiâm just an idiot.â he rubbed your back slowly. âa giant one. like medically concerning levels.â
a tiny laugh escaped you accidentally.
âthere she isâŠâ he whispered immediately, relief flooding his voice like sunlight through cracked blinds.
you hid your face against him. âyou hurt my feelings.â
âi know.â his grip tightened. âi know, baby. iâm sorry.â
after jake apologized. more than once, actually. he hugged you and kissed your forehead and called himself an idiot, and swore he never meant it the way it came out.
but suddenly that sentence would flash through your head out of nowhere.
irritating.
it lodged itself somewhere ugly in your brain and refused to leave.
and you hated that.
because logically, you knew jake loved you.
you knew it every time he pulled you into his lap while playing games. every time he saved the pickles from his burger because you liked them. every time he looked for you first in crowded rooms like his eyes did it automatically.
you knew.
but insecurities are weird little parasites.
they donât care about logic.
so now every time you got excited, something inside you hesitated first.
you started noticing yourself more. maybe too much.
the way your voice got louder when you were passionate about something. the way you interrupted yourself because your thoughts moved too fast. the way you jumped from topic to topic without warning.
before, it used to feel natural.
now it felt embarrassing. like becoming aware of how loudly you chew. you couldnât unnotice it anymore.
and the worst part?
jake didnât even realize how much it affected you because you tried so hard to act normal.
you still smiled, still laughed and still cuddled him at night.
you just⊠edited yourself now.
when you got excited about something from tiktok, youâd think about bringing it up⊠then decide not to.
sometimes you caught yourself literally checking his face while talking to see if he looked annoyed.
that part made you feel pathetic.
and the next few days they felt⊠off.
not in an obvious fighting way, probably worse. but you just got quiet.
jake noticed it almost immediately.
usually when you came home from college, the apartment exploded with noise within five minutes. your bag hitting the floor dramatically. you talking about professors like they were reality show villains. random makeup opinions nobody asked for. twenty different stories tangled together at once.
but now?
nothing.
that afternoon the apartment was filled with the low hum of rain again, the tv playing some random show neither of you were paying attention to.
you sat curled into the opposite end of the couch, knees tucked to your chest while scrolling on your phone silently.
too silently.
jake glanced over from where he sat.
usually you wouldâve been halfway laying on top of him by now.
instead there was actual distance between you two.
it bothered him more than he expected.
he muted the tv after a while. âhow was college today?â
you didnât even look up from your phone.
âalright.â
jake waited.
normally that question unlocked a forty minute recap complete with impressions, side quests, and emotional damage.
but that was it.
ââŠbusy, i guess.â
his eyes narrowed slightly.
âbusy?â he repeated.
âmhm.â
silence again.
the rain tapped softly against the windows.
jake stared at you for another second before leaning back slowly.
another ten minutes passed and you barely spoke. every answer was short, polite or neat. like you were trying not to bother him.
jake finally tossed the remote onto the couch with a sigh.
âokay, no.â
you looked up finally. âwhat?â
âwhy are you acting like that?â
you blinked innocently. âlike what?â
âlike youâre in a waiting room.â
your fingers paused against your phone screen.
âiâm not.â
âbaby, youâve said maybe six words since you got home.â
you shrugged lightly. âiâm tired.â
jake stared at you.
that shrug almost pissed him off because it was so obviously fake-casual.
he leaned forward, elbows on his knees. âyouâre still upset about the other night?â
your eyes dropped back to your phone instantly. âi said it was fine.â
âyeah, and iâm starting to realize that when you say âitâs fineâ it actually means i should start preparing my funeral arrangements.â
that almost got a smile.
he scooted closer slowly. âheyâŠâ
you kept staring at your phone even though you hadnât scrolled in thirty seconds.
his voice softened.
âbaby.â
you swallowed. âwhat?â
âtalk to me.â
your throat tightened a little at that because the stupid part was⊠you wanted to.
you missed talking to him normally.
but now every time you got excited about something, that sentence echoed in your head.
youâre kinda irritating when you get like this.
so instead you just shrugged again. âthereâs nothing to talk about.â
jakeâs expression shifted immediately.
hurt.
real hurt.
âdonât do that.â
you frowned softly. âdo what?â
âshut me out because i said something stupid.â
you finally looked at him then.
âiâm not shutting you out.â
âyes you are.â he said quietly. âyou donât even ramble anymore.â
that word made your chest ache.
rambleâŠ
because before, he used to say it like it was something fond.
now it just felt embarrassing.
you looked down at your lap. âi didnât realize it was that annoying.â
jakeâs face dropped instantly.
âbabyâŠâ
âitâs okay.â you said quickly. too quickly. âiâve been trying to chill out more anyway.â
that sentence hit him like a brick to the throat.
because you sounded sincere.
like you were genuinely trying to make yourself smaller for him.
âno.â jake moved closer immediately. âno, donât do that.â
you looked confused. âdo what?â
âthis.â he gestured toward you helplessly. âbeing all quiet and weird.â
your voice came out tiny. âi thought you wanted me to.â
jake physically flinched and silence filled the room again.
then suddenly he was pulling your phone gently out of your hands and tossing it onto the couch beside him.
âcâmere.â
before you could protest, he tugged you into his lap.
you let out a surprised noise, hands instinctively grabbing his hoodie.
jake wrapped both arms around you tightly. âi was irritated one time.â he muttered into your shoulder. âone time, and now my girlfriend acts like she needs customer service training before speaking.â
you huffed the tiniest laugh despite yourself.
âbaby, i miss hearing you talk.â he admitted quietly. âthe apartment feels creepy without it.â
you looked down. âreally?â
âyes, really.â he said immediately. âi wanna hear about your professors and your makeup theories and whatever random thing your tiktok algorithm taught you today.â he rested his chin against your shoulder, holding you a little closer. âi donât want you sitting here and second guess every thought before you say it.â
your eyes stung a little at that.
jake noticed instantly and groaned softly. âi meant it baby.â
he pulled you closer against his chest, rubbing your back slowly.
âiâm sorry, sweetheart.â he murmured into your hair. âseriously.â
then after a second.
ââŠnow tell me how college was for real this time.â
you sniffled once.
âmy sociology professor accidentally emailed the entire class her grocery list.â
jake blinked.
ââŠsee? this is the quality content iâve been missing.â
Pairing: childhoodfriend!jungwon x fem!reader
Genre: college!au, summer love story, fluff, angst
Synospsis: Bestfriends forever and nothing will ever make it change...well that's what you thought, but one summer (and an unrequited love) changed everything between the two of you. Maybe you never really saw him as your bestfriend all along...
Warnings: dry humping, swearing, oral (both!rec), softdom!jungwon, make out (heavy), alcohol
WC: 21k
Note: The story takes place in the WGFT Heeseung ff universe and this time it's Jungwon's turn to get his time to shine!!!! Since yâall were so sad about him losing to Heeseung I wanted him to get his happy ending too!!! Hope you enjoy!!!
Playlist: Apple Cider by Beabadoobee, Everytime by Ariana Grande, Lost Island by Enhypen, We can't be friends by Ariana Grande, Earrings by Malcolm Todd
You haven't been home in eight months, and somehow the air feels exactly the same as it did when you were seven years old. Some things don't change. Your family's house is exactly as you left it.
"Y/N IS HOME!" your younger brother screams. He barrels into you before you've even dropped your bags, and you stumble backward into the doorframe with an oomph that knocks the breath out of your lungs.
"Daniel, you're seventeen, not seven," you wheeze, patting his back with the one arm that isn't pinned to your side. "You're supposed to be too cool for this."
"Never too cool for my favorite sister."
"I'm your only sister."
"That's why you're my favorite."
Your mother appears from the kitchen, her apron dusted with flour, her face breaking into a smile so wide it crinkles the corners of her eyes. She pulls you into a hug t, and for a moment you just stand there, letting yourself be held, letting the chaos of your family wash over you like water.
"You're too thin," she says, pulling back to examine your face. "Have you been eating? College students never eat."
"I eat, Mom."
"Lies. I can see your cheekbones. That's not natural." She pats your face firmly. "We're fixing this immediately. I made braised short ribs. And your grandmother sent over three kinds of kimchi."
The next hour is a blur of unpacking, being force-fed approximately seventeen side dishes, and deflecting increasingly pointed questions from your mother about whether you're "seeing anyone." You dodge the question with the practiced skill of someone who has been dodging it since high school, and eventually your mother gives up and redirects her energy toward making sure you eat a third helping of everything.
It's only when you're helping clear the table that she drops the bomb.
"Take some of the dumplings next door," she says, already packing a container. "The Yangs just got back yesterday. I'm sure Jungwon would love to see you."
Your hands freeze over the sink. "Jungwon's home?"
"The whole family. And Jungwon looks so grown up now. College has been good to him." She presses the container into your hands and gives you a look that brooks no argument. "Go. Say hello. You used to be inseparable, I'm sure he's been dying to catch up."
You and Jungwon. Inseparable. That's one word for it.
You've known Yang Jungwon since you were four years old, a solemn little boy with a bowl cut and a cute smile who had shown up at your family's barbecue with his parents and promptly shared his packet of strawberry Pocky with you without being asked. That was it. That was the beginning. From that moment on, you were a unit, a package deal, a two-for-one special, a matched set that no one bothered trying to separate.
Your childhood is a highlight reel of Jungwon moments. Jungwon teaching you how to ride a bike. Jungwon walking you to school every morning, even when his own school started earlier and he had to leave his friends to do it. Jungwon sneaking you extra snacks from his lunchbox because you always finished yours first.
You never had to explain yourself to Jungwon. He just knew. He knew that you needed silence sometimes, that your sarcasm was a defense mechanism, that you were terrified of thunderstorms but would rather die than admit it. He knew the exact moment you were about to cry (your left eyebrow twitched, just slightly, before the tears came). He knew you better than anyone, and you knew him just as well.
But then he left for college. And two years later, you left too. And the texts that had started out daily became weekly, then sporadic. The phone calls that had stretched for hours became minutes, then voicemails, then silence. You still sent each other memes sometimes, still liked each other's posts. But the closeness that had defined your entire existence had faded.
It's not anyone's fault. It's just what happens. People grow up, move away, build separate lives in separate cities. It's normal. It's fine. You're fine.
The doorbell chimes, a little melody that you remember from a thousand childhood visits. You hear footsteps inside, heavy and quick, and then the door swings open.
And you forget how to breathe.
Jungwon is standing in the doorway, and he isâŠhe'sâŠhe's not the boy you remember.
The Jungwon in your memories is soft around the edges. Lanky limbs, round cheeks, the kind of face that made grandmothers pinch his cheeks. This Jungwon is wearing a tank top that is very, very see-through, because it's soaked with sweat. His hair is damp, pushed back from his forehead, and there's a towel slung around his neck that he's holding with one hand. His shoulders, when did he get shoulders? -are broad and defined. He's been working out. He's been working out, and the evidence is right there, and you are staring.
"Y/N?" His voice is deeper than you remember. He says your name like it's something precious, and his face breaks into that familiar smile, the one that crinkles the corners of his eyes, the one you've known your whole life.
"Dang-" he starts, and then he's pulling you into a hug before you can react, his arms wrapping around you with an enthusiasm that makes the container press awkwardly between your bodies. He smells like sweat and fabric softener and something else, something warm and masculine. "You're home," he says into your hair. "You're actually home. When did you get back?"
"About an hour ago," you manage, your voice coming out relatively normal despite the fact that your face is currently pressed against a pectoral muscle. A pectoral muscle that belongs to Jungwon.
He pulls back, holding you at arm's length, and his eyes sweep over your face with an expression that's so purely, genuinely happy. "You lookâŠyou look amazing. Did you get taller?"
"I haven't grown since tenth grade."
"You look taller. It's the posture. You're standing like an adult now."
"Maybe because Iâm an adult?"
He laughs. "Come in, come in," he says, stepping aside and gesturing you inside. "Mom's going to lose her mind when she sees you. She was just talking about you yesterday, she found that photo album from the summer we tried to build a treehouse ."
"Oh not the old pictures please."
"You know how nostalgic she can get."
"Y/N?! IS THAT Y/N?"
Mrs. Yang emerges from the kitchen, and within seconds you're enveloped in a hug. She's exactly the same as you remember, warm and effusive, with the same kind eyes that Jungwon inherited.
"Look at you!" she exclaims, pulling back to cup your face in her hands. "You're so beautiful! So grown up! Doesn't she look beautiful, Jungwon?"
"She looks beautiful," Jungwon agrees, and when you glance at him, his ears are slightly pink. Probably from the workout.
"Mom brought dumplings," you say, holding up the container. "She said you just got back yesterday and probably haven't had time to cook."
"That woman is an angel. Tell her we're having dinner together this weekend, no arguments, no excuses. I'm making bibimbap." Mrs. Yang takes the container and steps back toward the kitchen, already calling for her husband to come see who's at the door.
Mr. Yang appears a moment later, and the whole scene devolves into the kind of chaotic, overlapping welcome that you've experienced a hundred times before. Mrs. Yang starts pulling out photo albums. Mr. Yang asks about your classes and nods approvingly at your answers even though you're pretty sure he doesn't fully understand what your major entails.
And then the photo albums open, and the real embarrassment begins.
"Oh, this one!" Mrs. Yang crows, pointing at a photograph. "Look at you two! You must have been... what, six and eight? The school talent show!"
You lean in to look at the photo, and your soul briefly leaves your body.
"We were doing a skit about King Arthur," Jungwon says, his voice pained. "Y/N was Arthur. I was Lancelot."
The photos keep coming. Jungwon's first day of middle school, with you standing next to him on the front steps, your arm linked through his. A Halloween where you both dressed as characters from the same video game. A summer vacation at the beach where Jungwon got sunburned so badly he couldn't move for two days, and you sat beside him reading aloud from his favorite book until he fell asleep.
"I should probably head back," you say eventually, after the photo albums have been exhausted and Mrs. Yang has extracted a firm promise that you'll be at the family dinner this weekend. "Mom's probably wondering if I got kidnapped."
"I'll walk you out," Jungwon says, and there's something in his voice, something slightly awkward, slightly hesitant, that makes your stomach flip.
He walks you to the front door. "Hey," Jungwon says, his hand on the doorframe. "You want to walk to the convenience store? Like old times? I could really go for one of those melon ice creams."
"Sure," you say, and your voice comes out more casual than you feel. "But only if you put on an actual shirt first. I'm not being seen in public with you looking like... that."
He glances down at his tank top, and his ears go pink again. "Right. Yeah. Give me two minutes."
He disappears back into the house, and you stand on the front porch, trying very hard not to think about the way his shoulders looked in that tank top. Or the way his voice has deepened. Or the way his arms felt when he hugged you.
This is Jungwon, you remind yourself firmly. Jungwon, who is basically your brother except not actually your brother but definitely the brother-adjacent figure you've known your entire life.Stop being weird.
He reappears two minutes later in a soft-looking t-shirt and jeans, and the two of you set off down the familiar path toward the convenience store.Â
"How's school?" Jungwon asks, falling into step beside you. "Your mom said you're doing really well. Something about making the dean's list?"
"Dean's list, yeah. It's not a big deal."
"It's a huge deal. You're a genius."
"I'm a person who doesn't sleep enough and has spent more time studying than partying."
"That's what being a genius is."
You laugh and maybe this won't be so hard. Maybe you and Jungwon can just... slip back into the rhythm you always had. Best friends, nothing more, nothing less. But when you glance at him out of the corner of your eye, at the way the fading sunlight catches the angles of his jaw, the way his sleeves stretch slightly over his biceps, the way his lips curve into that familiar half-smile. This is going to be a long summer.
Apple Cider - Beabadoobee now playing
The next few days are as you expected. Jungwon, as it turns out, is completely, infuriatingly, obliviously the same. Not the same as the Jungwon who left for college two years ago, no, he's different in ways that keep catching you off guard. The broader shoulders. The deeper voice. The way he moves now, with a quiet confidence that wasn't there before, like he's grown into his own skin. But the way he treats you? That hasn't changed at all. He's still the same protective, brotherly, endlessly thoughtful Jungwon who's been orbiting your life since before you could tie your own shoes.
And that's the problem.
On Tuesday, he shows up at your house at 9 AM with a toolbox and a determined expression. Your mother mentioned, in passing, at the barbecue planning session that had somehow materialized in your kitchen, that the hinge on the back door was sticking. Jungwon, being Jungwon, took this as a personal mission.
"You don't have to do that," you say, standing in the doorway with a mug of coffee clutched in your hands. You're still in your pajamas. Your hair looks like it's been through a tornado. You were not prepared for visitors.
"It'll take ten minutes," Jungwon says, already crouching down to examine the hinge. His t-shirt rides up slightly as he bends, revealing a strip of skin above his waistband, and you very deliberately look at the ceiling. "Your mom does so much for everyone. The least I can do is fix a door."
"You're a philosophy major, not a handyman."
"Undeclared, technically. And I've picked up some skills." He glances up at you, and his smile is so genuinely warm, so completely devoid of any awareness that he's currently making your morning extremely complicated, that you want to throw your coffee at him. "Besides, I like helping. It makes me feel useful."
"Your people-pleasing is showing."
"My what?"
"Nothing." You take a sip of your coffee.Â
On Wednesday, he helps your mother cook. You walk into the kitchen to find them side by side at the counter, your mom teaching him how to fold dumplings. Jungwon's fingers are clumsy with the wrappers, his dumplings coming out lopsided, but he's laughing, that bright, infectious laugh that makes your mother smile and pat his cheek like he's her own son.
"He's such a good boy," your mom says to you later, after Jungwon has gone home with a container full of the dumplings he helped make. "So polite. So helpful. Any girl would be lucky to have him."
You make a noncommittal sound and flee to your room before she can see the color rising in your cheeks.
On Thursday, he brings you boba. Unprompted. Just shows up at your door with two cups of brown sugar milk tea and that same devastating smile, saying he remembered it was your favorite and the new shop in town finally opened and he wanted to try it with you.
"This is bribery," you say, taking the cup anyway. "What do you want?"
"Can't a guy just bring his best friend boba without ulterior motives?"
"I've known you for fifteen years. You definitely have ulterior motives."
"Fine." He has the decency to look slightly sheepish. "My mom wants me to clean out the garage, and I was hoping you'd keep me company while I do it. She said she found our old middle school yearbooks in there, and I thought we could... I don't know. Look through them. For nostalgia."
Nostalgia. Right. Because looking at photographic evidence of your awkward preteen phase while sitting in close proximity to Jungwon in a dusty garage sounds like a completely safe activity that won't do anything weird to your heart.
"Sounds fun," you hear yourself say, because you're a masochist apparently.
And it is fun. Infuriatingly fun. You sit on an old lawn chair while Jungwon sorts through boxes, and you flip through yearbooks filled with photos of the two of you at every stage of adolescence. Jungwon with braces. You with bangs that were a tragic mistake. The two of you at the eighth-grade dance, standing stiffly next to each other. The two of you at the high school soccer game, your face painted with the school colors, his arm slung casually around your shoulders.
"God, we were such dorks," you say, holding up a photo of Jungwon in a truly unfortunate neon-green track suit.
"Speak for yourself. I was rocking that look."
"You looked like a highlighter."
"A very fashionable highlighter."
The laughter comes easily, the way it always has. And that's the thing that's messing with your head. Because when you're actually talking to him, when you're just existing in his presence the way you've done a thousand times before, everything feels normal. Easy. Like nothing's changed. But then he'll reach past you to grab something, and his arm will brush against yours, and you'll catch the scent of his laundry detergent mixed with something warm and distinctly him, and your brain will short-circuit entirely. Or he'll laugh at something you said, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and you'll find yourself staring at the curve of his lips and wondering things you have absolutely no business wondering about your childhood best friend.
And then the guilt hits. Because this is Jungwon. The boy who has never once looked at you as anything other than his best friend, his little sister. And here you are, mentally glazing every time he so much as flexes his forearms, like some kind of deranged romance novel protagonist who's forgotten the entire context of her own life.
You're terrible. You're a terrible person. You need to get a grip.
The barbecue is on Saturday. Both families, together, in the Yangs' backyard. It's a tradition that's been going on since before you can remember, and missing it would be unthinkable. So you can't avoid it. You can't avoid him.
On Friday afternoon, your mother hands you a grocery list that's approximately the length of a short novel. "We need everything for the marinade, plus the sides, plus drinks, plus-"
"Mom, this is enough food for an army."
"The Yangs are an army. Take Jungwon with you. He's got a car, and you shouldn't be carrying all those bags by yourself."
"I can carry bags. I'm an adult."
"You're a twig. A strong wind could knock you over. Take Jungwon."
So you text Jungwon, and Jungwon responds within thirty seconds with an enthusiastic yes!!! and three emojis that don't go together in any logical way, and twenty minutes later you're in the passenger seat of his car, heading to the grocery store.
"Remember when we used to ride our bikes to the corner store?" he asks, pulling into the parking lot. "We'd pool our allowance and buy as much candy as we could afford, and then we'd sit on the curb and eat it all before dinner."
"And then your mom would be mad because you ruined your appetite."
"She was always mad. I was a very difficult child."
"Yeah, I remember when you used to get ragebaited by your grandma a lot. Really funny."
"Please donât mention it again."
"You were twelve."
Grocery shopping with Jungwon is an experience. He pushes the cart, pausing every few feet to consult the list your mother gave him and cross-reference it with the items in the cart. He reads the nutrition labels on everything, which is new, the Jungwon of your childhood would have just grabbed whatever had the most colorful packaging.
"College changed you," you observe, watching him compare two jars of sesame oil. "You're like... a responsible adult now. It's disturbing."
"Someone had to become a responsible adult. You're still the same chaos gremlin you've always been."
"You want that gremlin to punch that pretty face of yours?."
"Oh so you like my face? Iâm honoured."
"I like your face only when you shut your mouth."
The checkout line is long, and Jungwon insists on paying, "your mom already does so much, let me contribute something", and you're standing beside him, helping bag the groceries, when you see it.
A small box. Brightly colored. Sitting innocently in the plastic bag among the vegetables and the marinade ingredients and the six-pack of Sprite. Condoms. You stare at the box for approximately three seconds, your brain refusing to process what it's seeing. Then the processing kicks in, and a series of thoughts flash through your mind in rapid succession:
That's a box of condoms.
In Jungwon's grocery bag.
Jungwon bought condoms.
Why does Jungwon have condoms?
Oh god, Jungwon has condoms because he uses condoms.
Oh god, Jungwon has sex.
Jungwon has SEX.
WITH PEOPLE.
"Y/N?" Jungwon's voice cuts through your spiral, and you realize you've been frozen in place with a head of cabbage clutched in your hands like a stress ball. "You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"I'm fine!" you say, and your voice comes out approximately three octaves higher than normal. "Totally fine. Great. Never been better. Cabbage. Love cabbage. Great vegetable. Very... leafy."
Jungwon squints at you, clearly not buying a single word of this, but the cashier chooses that moment to announce the total, and he turns away to pay. You shove the cabbage into the bag with perhaps more force than necessary.
It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. He's a twenty-something guy in college. Of course he's had sex. Of course he's bought condoms. This is normal. This is fine. You're fine.
But the thought sticks in your brain like a splinter, and by the time you're back in the car, the groceries loaded into the trunk, you've worked yourself into a state of quiet, internal frenzy.
How many girls has he slept with? Did he have a girlfriend? Multiple girlfriends? Is he seeing someone right now? Why didn't he tell you? Why would he tell you? It's not like you're his- you're not his anything. You're his childhood best friend. You're basically his sister. He doesn't owe you a detailed accounting of his romantic history.
But still.
Who were they? What were they like? Were they pretty? Smart? Funny? Did he hold their hands the way he holds yours? Did he kiss them? Did he-
You cut the thought off before it can finish. You don't want to know. You really, really don't want to know.
Back at your house, you help him carry the groceries inside, your movements mechanical, your brain still running through increasingly unhelpful scenarios. Jungwon is chatting about something, the barbecue, maybe, or his plans for the rest of the summer, but you're barely listening. The box of condoms is burning a hole in your brain.
"Hey," you say, setting down the bag of vegetables with a little more force than strictly necessary. "Can I ask you something?"
"Always." Jungwon turns to face you, his expression open and unguarded, and you feel a pang of guilt for what you're about to do. This is none of your business. You shouldn't be asking this. You have no right to ask this.
But you're asking it anyway, because you're a self-destructive idiot who can't leave well enough alone. "Did you..." You pause, searching for the right words. "In college. Did you... see anyone?"
Jungwon blinks. "See anyone?"
"Like... date. Or... you know. Hook up with. Or whatever." You wave your hand vaguely, like you're talking about the weather. Like this is a casual, normal conversation between two platonic childhood friends who definitely don't have weird, complicated feelings about each other.
Jungwon's ears go pink. "That's... a pretty personal question."
"Forget it. Sorry. None of my business." You turn back to the groceries, your face burning.
"No, it's fine. It's just... unexpected." He leans against the kitchen counter, his arms crossing over his chest. "Yeah. I dated a bit. Nothing serious. I, uh..." He rubs the back of his neck, a nervous gesture you recognize from childhood. "I hooked up with some people too."
Some people. Plural. Multiple. The words hit you like a punch to the stomach.
"Okay," you say, your voice remarkably steady considering the chaos happening inside your chest. "Cool. That's cool. Normal college stuff. Good for you."
"Are you sure you want to hear this? You're making that face."
"What face?"
"The face you make when you're trying very hard not to react to something. Your left eyebrow is doing the twitchy thing."
"Totally sure," you say. "I'm just curious. We haven't really talked about... any of this. I don't know anything about your life in college."
Jungwon is quiet for a moment, his expression shifting into something more thoughtful. "There was... actually, there was someone I really liked. Last semester."
"Someone you liked," you repeat.
"Yeah. A girl in my philosophy elective. I had this whole crush on her for months, but I was too nervous to say anything." He smiles, but it's a different kind of smile, softer, more distant. "It's kind of a long story. She actually ended up with one of my best friends. It's okay now, they're really happy together, and I'm genuinely glad for them. But it was... a wake-up call, I guess."
"A wake-up call?"
"I realized I'd spent so much time waiting and overthinking that I'd missed my chance. I didn't want that to happen again." He shrugs, his shoulders relaxing slightly. "So I decided to just... live. Explore. Stop being so scared of everything. I figured if I didn't put myself out there, I'd just keep watching opportunities pass me by."
"So you started... sleeping around."
"That's a very blunt way to put it."
"I'm a blunt person."
"I know." He laughs, the one that crinkles his eyes. "It's one of the things I've always liked about you."
"So yeah," Jungwon continues. "I hooked up with people. Nothing serious, like I said. Just... trying things. Figuring out what I want. It's been good for me, honestly. I feel more confident now. Less like I'm waiting for something to happen and more like I'm actually living my life."
"That's... good. That's really good." You're saying the right words, but your voice sounds hollow to your own ears. "I'm happy for you."
Jungwon grins. "What about you? Any hot college romances I should know about?"
"No. Nothing. I've been too busy studying."
"Really? No one caught your eye?"
Just you, you don't say. Just the person I'm not supposed to think about like this. Just my childhood best friend who apparently spent his college years having casual hookups with other people while I was sitting in my dorm room wondering why I couldn't feel anything for anyone else.
"Nope," you say out loud. "I'm married to my textbooks."
"That's tragic."
"That's academia."
He laughs again, and then his expression shifts into something more mischievous. "Well, if it makes you feel better, you don't have to be jealous. At least my first kiss was with you."
Your brain screeches to a halt. "What."
"You know. High school. My parents' closet."
Sophomore year. It was a random Saturday afternoon, and both your families were downstairs preparing for some dinner party or another. You and Jungwon had escaped to his parents' room, hiding in the walk-in closet among the coats and the winter boots, having one of those rambling conversations that always seemed to happen when you were alone together.
And somehow, the conversation had turned to kissing. Neither of you had done it before. Neither of you wanted to be bad at it when the time came. And somehow, you still don't remember who suggested it first, you'd agreed to practice. With each other. Just to get it out of the way.
It had started awkward. A nervous brush of lips, both of you too hesitant to commit. But then Jungwon's hand had found your waist, and your fingers had curled into the fabric of his shirt, and something had shifted. The kiss had deepened. Became something hungrier, more urgent. His mouth had moved against yours with a confidence that surprised you both, and you'd made a sound, a small, breathless sound that had made him pull you closer.
It had lasted maybe five minutes. Maybe longer. Time had gone strange and elastic in the darkness of that closet. When you'd finally pulled apart, both of you breathing hard, his forehead pressed against yours, neither of you had spoken. The silence had been so loud it was deafening.
And then his mom had called you both for dinner, and you'd scrambled out of the closet like guilty criminals, and neither of you had ever mentioned it again.
Until now. Apparently. Because Jungwon is just casually bringing it up like it's some funny childhood anecdote, like it didn't fundamentally alter your brain chemistry when it happened.
"That wasn't-" you splutter. "That wasn't a kiss. That was... practice."
"Practice that went on for a really long time."
"We were curious!"
"We were very curious."
"YOU'RE THE WORST."
Your fist connects with his stomach before your brain can intervene. It's not a hard punch, you're not trying to actually hurt him but he doubles over anyway, laughing so hard that his shoulders shake.
"I'm sorry," he wheezes, "I'm sorry, your face, you should have seen your face-"
"I HATE YOU."
"You don't hate me. You've never hated me a day in your life."
"I'm starting today. I'm starting right now."
He straightens up, still grinning, and there's no awkwardness in his expression at all. No hidden meaning. No tension. Just fond amusement, like the memory of making out with you in a closet is just one of many sweet, funny moments in the long history of your friendship.
And that's when it hits you. Really, truly hits you.
This whole situation, the confusing feelings, the stolen glances, the jealousy that's been eating you alive since you saw that stupid box of condoms, it's all completely one-sided. Jungwon isn't looking at you differently. Jungwon isn't secretly harboring feelings for you. Jungwon is exactly where he's always been: your best friend, your brother in all but blood, the person who knows you better than anyone and loves you exactly the way he always has.
"I should... go help my mom with the marinade," you say, your voice coming out steadier than you feel. "I'll see you tomorrow. At the barbecue."
"Definitely." Jungwon's smile is warm and genuine and so completely oblivious that it makes your chest ache.Â
You're already backing out of the kitchen, your movements stiff and mechanical. Jungwon gives you a little wave, already turning back to the groceries, completely unaware that he's just detonated a bomb in the middle of your emotional state.
You make it to your home, then your room. You close the door. You lock it. And then you punch your pillow with the full force of your frustration.
"At least my first kiss was with you," you mutter, mimicking his voice in a high, mocking tone. "So you don't have to be jealous." Punch. "It was PRACTICE." Punch. "We were CURIOUS." Punch. "I've been pining like an IDIOT and you're out there having HOOKUPS and telling me about your PHILOSOPHY CRUSH."
You collapse face-first onto the pillow, your voice muffled by the fabric.
"He's so STUPID. He's so OBLIVIOUS. He's out there looking like THAT and talking about his SEX LIFE and bringing me BOBA and fixing my mom's DOOR and he doesn't even NOTICE-"
You stop. You roll onto your back, staring at the ceiling. "What doesn't he notice?" you ask the empty room.
You know the answer. You've known the answer since the moment you saw him standing in that doorway in his stupid see-through tank top. You're into him. You're into him. Into your childhood best friend who has never once looked at you as anything other than a little sister. Into the guy who just casually told you about his college hookups and his philosophy crush and the fact that he decided to "explore his youth," whatever that means.
And what are you supposed to do with that? Confess? Risk ruining a friendship that's been the most stable thing in your life for fifteen years? Put everything on the line for a chance that he might, maybe, possibly feel something too?
No. Absolutely not. You're not going to be one of those people who ruins a lifelong friendship because they can't control their feelings. You're stronger than that. You're smarter than that. You're going to shove these feelings into a box, lock the box, and throw away the key.
Reality check, you tell yourself firmly. He doesn't see you that way. He's never seen you that way. The closet kiss was just curiosity. The way he looks at you is just friendship. The way he always saves you a seat and remembers your boba order and offers to fix things around your house is just the person he isâŠkind and thoughtful and completely, thoroughly platonic.
You are his childhood best friend. You are basically his sister. And that's all you're ever going to be.
You press your face back into the pillow and let out a long, muffled groan.
The barbecue is in full swing by the time you make your way to the Yangs backyard, and the scene is exactly as chaotic as you expected.
Mr. Yang is manning the grill. Your father is standing beside him, offering unsolicited advice about the proper way to flip the meet, which Mr. Yang is ignoring with the practiced patience of someone who has been receiving this advice for two decades. Your mother and Mrs. Yang are setting up the side dishes on the long picnic table, their heads bent together in what looks like a very intense gossip session. And Jungwon, Jungwon is walking toward you with a plate of meat fresh off the grill and a smile that makes your stomach do a flip.
"You're late," he says, holding out the plate. "I saved you the first batch before my dad could burn it."
You take the plate, and your fingers brush against his. The contact is brief, barely a second, but your skin tingles where he touched you, and you have to resist the urge to yank your hand back like you've been burned. This is fine. You've made peace with your feelings and shoved them into a mental box, and you're going to act completely normal today.
"Thanks for the meat," you say, and your voice comes out blessedly casual.
"You look kinda goofy."
"And you look like an idiot."
"Your idiot," he says. He doesn't mean it the way you want him to mean it. He means it the way he's always meant it, best friends, partners in crime, the two of you against the world.Â
The afternoon unfolds in the easy, familiar rhythm of family gatherings. You eat too much. Your mother tells embarrassing stories about your childhood. Mrs. Yang counters with embarrassing stories about Jungwon's childhood. At some point, someone produces a karaoke machine, and your father treats everyone to a truly spectacular show of an eighties power ballad that has the entire yard howling with laughter.
And through it all, there's Jungwon. Sitting beside you at the picnic table, his knee occasionally bumping against yours. Refilling your drink before you even realize it's empty. Catching your eye from across the yard and making funny faces until you crack a smile. It's so normal. So familiar. So exactly like every other barbecue you've attended in the past fifteen years.
Except it's not. Because now you're aware of him in a way you never were before. Now you notice the way his laugh sounds when he throws his head back. Now you catalog the way his fingers curl around his cup, the way his shoulders move under his shirt, the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he grins at you. It's exhausting. It's infuriating. It's the most alive you've felt in months.
"You're eating all the mushrooms," Jungwon observes, watching you pluck another one from the communal plate. "You know other people might want mushrooms, right?"
"Other people should have been faster."
"There were like ten mushrooms on that plate and you've taken eight of them."
"Nine, actually. I took one while you were talking."
He laughs, and you stuff another mushroom in your mouth to compensate.
The conversation shifts, as it always does, into the easy back-and-forth that's been your default setting since childhood. You argue about the correct way to pronounce a word you both heard differently. You debate whether the new coffee shop in town is better than the old one. You're laughing unguarded, when Jungwon reaches past you to grab the pitcher of lemonade. His hand slides across your lower back as he moves, just for a second, just to steady himself, but the contact sends a jolt of electricity through your entire body. His palm is warm through the thin fabric of your shirt, and his fingers press lightly against your waist, and his voice, when he speaks, is low and close to your ear.
"Excuse me for a second," he murmurs, and the tone, casual, intimate, completely unaware of what he's doing to you, makes your knees go weak.
Do not fold, you command yourself. Do not fold. You are a strong, independent person who is not going to melt because your childhood best friend touched your waist like it's the most normal thing in the world.
"The lemonade," you manage, your voice slightly strangled. "It's... right there."
"I see it now. Thanks."
His hand slides away, and you exhale a breath you didn't realize you'd been holding. Across the yard, your mother catches your eye and raises an eyebrow. You pointedly look away.
The drinking competition starts, as all great disasters do, with your father.
"Beer!" he announces, standing up from his lawn chair with the slightly unsteady enthusiasm of someone who has already had two. "We need more beer! And a competition!"
"A competition for what?" Mr. Yang asks, looking up from the grill.
"Drinking! We're all old now. When was the last time we really let loose?"
"Last New Year's Eve," your mother says flatly. "You threw up in the rose bushes."
"Details."
Despite your mother's protests, the beer is produced. And not just a few bottles, your father disappears into the house and emerges with an entire case, his expression triumphant. Within twenty minutes, both sets of parents are lined up at the picnic table, a row of shot glasses (filled with beer, because they're middle-aged adults who know their limits but are pretending not to) arranged in front of them.
"Rules!" your father announces. "First one to tap out loses. Winner gets bragging rights for the entire year."
"There are no rules," Mrs. Yang says. "You just made this up."
"I'm the commissioner of this competition. I can make rules."
"You're an accountant."
"I'm an accountant and a commissioner."
The competition, predictably, devolves into chaos. Your mother, who has the alcohol tolerance of a hummingbird, bows out after two shots and spends the next hour giggling at everything anyone says. Mrs. Yang puts up a surprisingly strong fight, matching your father shot for shot until she suddenly stops mid-sentence, blinks, and announces that the sky is "very sky-like tonight." Mr. Yang, who has been nursing the same beer for the entire afternoon, is declared the winner by default when your father attempts a victory shot and misses his own mouth entirely.
"I won?" Mr. Yang says, looking genuinely confused. "I didn't know we were competing."
"That's the spirit," your father slurs, clapping him on the shoulder. "That's winning energy."
By the time the sun sets, both sets of parents are in various states of inebriation. Your mother is asleep in a lawn chair, her head tilted back and her mouth slightly open. Mrs. Yang is having a very intense conversation with the family dog about the meaning of life. Your father and Mr. Yang are attempting to fold up the picnic table and failing spectacularly.
Which leaves you and Jungwon. The only two sober people in a yard full of chaos.
"We should probably clean this up," you say, surveying the carnage. Empty bottles cover the picnic table. Plates of half-eaten food are scattered across every available surface. Someone, you suspect your father, has draped a string of fairy lights around the grill in what appears to be an attempt at decoration.
"Probably," Jungwon agrees. "Or we could just leave it and let them deal with it tomorrow."
"Your mom is currently explaining life to a golden retriever."
"The dog seems very engaged."
"Jungwon."
"Fine, fine. I'll get the trash bags."
The cleanup takes the better part of an hour. You collect the empty bottles while Jungwon tackles the food, scraping leftovers into containers and stacking plates with the practiced efficiency of someone who has cleaned up after many family gatherings. The parents eventually stagger inside, your mom leaning heavily on your dad, Mrs. Yang still muttering philosophical observations to the dog, until it's just the two of you in the quiet backyard, the only light coming from the string of fairy lights that your father had so artistically arranged.
"Well," Jungwon says, tying off the last trash bag. "That was..."
"A disaster?"
"I was going to say a successful family event, but disaster works too."
"It's not a real barbecue until someone passes out."
"Your dad set a new record this year. He almost made it to sunset."
"Personal growth."
Jungwon laughs, and the sound echoes in the quiet yard. He's standing close to you, closer than you realized and the fairy lights catch the angles of his face, the curve of his smile, the way his dark hair falls across his forehead. He looks like something out of a movie. A romance movie. The kind you watch when you want to torture yourself with unrealistic expectations about love.
"So," he says, leaning against the now-clean picnic table. "The parents are asleep. The food is put away. The dog is having an existential crisis. What now?"
"I don't know. Go home? Go to bed?"
"We could do that." He tilts his head, and there's something in his expression, something teasing, something challenging. "Or we could continue the tradition."
"What tradition?"
"The drinking competition. You know. Carry on the family legacy."
"Everyone else is passed out."
"Exactly. The title is still up for grabs."
You raise an eyebrow. "You want to have a drinking competition. With me."
"I want to see if you can handle it." His smile widens, and it's the same smile he used to give you when you were kids. "Unless you're scared."
"I'm not scared. I'm sensible. There's a difference."
"Sensible is just a word scared people use."
"That doesn't even make sense."
"It makes perfect sense. You just don't want to admit it."
The banter is familiar, comforting. But there's something different about it tonight. Something that feels almost like flirting, even though you know it's not. Even though Jungwon is just being Jungwon, and you're just being you, and this is exactly the kind of stupid challenge you would have accepted without hesitation back when you were teenagers and didn't know any better.
"Fine. But I'm warning you, I'm very competitive."
"So am I."
"My dad keeps a bottle of whiskey in the study," he says over his shoulder. "The good kind. The kind he thinks no one knows about."
"You're going to steal your dad's whiskey?"
"I'm going to borrow it. There's a difference."
"That's not how borrowing works."
"It's how my borrowing works."
The Yangs' house is quiet and dark, the only sound the distant snoring of a parent somewhere upstairs. You follow Jungwon to the study. He rummages through the bottom drawer with the confidence of someone who has done this before, and when he straightens up, there's a bottle of amber liquid in his hand.
"Ta-da," he says, holding it up like a trophy. "Twelve-year aged whiskey. My dad's been saving it for a special occasion."
"And this counts as a special occasion?"
"First barbecue of the summer? Definitely special."
"You're going to regret this tomorrow."
"Probably. But that's future Jungwon's problem. Current Jungwon wants to see if you can hold your liquor."
You follow him back to the living room, where he produces two glasses from the kitchen and pours generous measures of whiskey into each. He hands you a glass, and your fingers brush against his, and you very pointedly do not think about the contact.
"Rules," Jungwon says, settling onto the couch. "We take turns. Each of us drinks when it's our turn. First one to tap out loses."
"That's not a game. That's just... drinking."
"It's a drinking game. The game is drinking."
"That's the laziest game I've ever heard of."
"Do you have a better idea?"
You don't. So you clink your glass against his and take your first sip.
The whiskey burns going down, warm and smoky, and you can feel it spreading through your chest like a slow fire. Jungwon takes his turn, then you take yours. The glasses are refilled. The room starts to feel warmer, Jungwon's face is slightly flushed now, and his laugh comes easier, and he's sitting closer to you on the couch than he was before. Or maybe you're sitting closer to him. It's hard to tell.
"Remember the closet?" he says, and the question catches you off guard.
"What closet?"
"My parents' closet. High school. The-"
"I know which closet." Your face is heating, and it's not just from the whiskey. "What about it?"
Jungwon grins, and it's a looser grin than usual, less guarded. "Nothing. Just... that was a good kiss. For a first kiss, I mean."
"It was practice."
"It was a lot of practice."
"You're drunk."
"So are you."
"I'm not drunk. I'm... pleasantly tipsy."
"That's a very fancy way of saying drunk."
"I'm a fancy person."
"You're wearing a t-shirt with a cartoon cat on it."
"The cat is wearing a top hat. That makes it fancy."
Jungwon laughs so hard he nearly spills his whiskey. You catch his arm to steady him, and the contact is electric, and you pull your hand back like you've been burned.
"You know what," you say, the whiskey courage flooding through your veins, "you were actually a terrible kisser. Back then. In the closet. You were bad at it."
Jungwon's eyebrows shoot up. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me. Terrible. All teeth and no technique."
"That is... extremely revisionist history."
"It's accurate history. You were bad. I was just being nice about it."
"I was not bad. I was-" He pauses, searching for the right word. "-enthusiastic."
"Enthusiastically bad."
"You were enthusiastic too!"
"I was practicing. There's a difference."
The room is spinning slightly now, but you don't care. The whiskey has unlocked something in you, something reckless and brave and completely, utterly stupid. The mental box where you've been storing your feelings is starting to crack at the edges, and you can't seem to find the energy to patch it back up.
Childhood friend? Brother-sister bond? Screw that. Screw all of that.
"I've had time to perfect it, you know," Jungwon says, and his voice is lower now, rougher. "Since high school. I've gotten better."
"That's what you think."
"It's what I know."
"Prove it."
The words hang in the air between you like a challenge. Like a dare.Â
Jungwon blinks, his glass pausing halfway to his lips. "Prove it?"
"You said you've gotten better. I don't believe you." Your heart is hammering, but your voice is steady. "I want to test it out. For scientific purposes."
"You're drunk."
"So are you. That's not an excuse."
Jungwon stares at you for a long moment. His expression is unreadable, surprise, confusion, something else that flickers in his eyes and disappears before you can identify it.
"You're serious," he says.
"I'm always serious."
"You're the least serious person I know."
"And yet here I am. Being serious."
The silence stretches between you. Your heart is pounding so loudly you're sure he can hear it. This is it. This is the moment where he laughs it off, makes a joke, brings back the familiar brotherly distance that's been the foundation of your friendship for fifteen years.
But he doesn't.
"Okay," he says, and his voice is so quiet you almost miss it. "Let's test it out."
He sets down his glass. You set down yours. Jungwon stands up, and you stand up, and the room tilts slightly, but you don't care.
"Letâs go to my place," you say, and your voice comes out surprisingly steady. "My room. The parents are all passed out anyway."
"Your room," Jungwon repeats. "Your childhood bedroom. With the stuffed animals and the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling."
"The stars are still there. The stuffed animals are in a box."
Jungwon follows you to your house (which is literally five steps outside his house). Your room is exactly as you left it, the bed is made, the curtains drawn, and the lamp on your nightstand casts a warm, golden light across everything.
Jungwon stands in the doorway, his hand on the frame, his expression caught between hesitation and something else. "Last chance to back out," he says quietly.
"I don't want to back out."
"You're sure?"
Everytime - Ariana Grande now playing
Instead of answering, you reach out and grab the front of his shirt, pulling him into the room. The door clicks shut behind him.
Jungwon sits at the edge of your bed, the mattress dipping slightly under his weight. You stand before him for a moment, heart pounding in your chest, before climbing onto his lap, straddling him with a confidence you don't know you possess.
His hands immediately find your hips, fingers digging into the soft fabric of your shorts. He pulls you closer, pressing you against the growing hardness beneath his jeans, and a soft gasp escapes your lips.
"What are you waiting to kiss me?" he murmurs, his voice low and rough with intoxication.
Instead of answering, you lean in, capturing his lips with yours. The kiss starts slow, tentative that quickly deepens as years of suppressed desire come rushing to the surface. His lips are soft but demanding, moving against yours with a practiced confidence that makes your head spin.
The kiss quickly escalates from tender to feverish. You are devouring each other, mouths opening wider, tongues tangling in a desperate dance. It is messy and urgent and everything you haven't let yourself imagine for all those years. Jungwon's hands roam your body, sliding up your back, fingers tangling in your hair, then back down to grip your ass, pulling you tighter against him.
He starts sucking your tongue into his mouth, drawing it in with a deliberate, sexual rhythm that sends jolts of pleasure straight to your core. His eyes remain open, locked with yours as he works your tongue, the intensity of his gaze nearly undoing you completely. The wet, obscene sounds of his sucking fill the room, mingling with your ragged breaths.
Your hips begin to move instinctively, grinding against him in a rhythm that matches the pull of his mouth on your tongue. The friction of your clothed bodies sliding together creates a heat that is almost unbearable.
"Fuck," he groans against your mouth, releasing your tongue briefly. "You feel so good. Move harder."
His words spur you on, and you move with abandon, dry humping him with a desperate need that borders on obscene. Every thrust of your hips against his sends waves of pleasure through your body, and you can feel his arousal pressing insistently against you, growing harder with each movement.
Jungwon's hands slip under your shirt, his rough palms sliding against your skin as he explores the curve of your waist, the dip of your spine. He breaks the kiss only to trail his lips along your jaw, down your neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin there. You tilt your head back, giving him better access as your hips continue their relentless rhythm.
"You like that?" he whispers against your skin, his voice husky with desire. "Like riding me like this? So desperate for it."
"Shut up," you breathe, even as your body responds to his taunts, moving faster, harder.
"Make me," he challenges, capturing your lips again in another searing kiss. His tongue invades your mouth with renewed intensity, and this time you meet him with equal fervor, sucking and licking and biting in a battle for dominance that neither of you is truly trying to win.
The room grows hotter, the air thick with the scent of whisky and arousal. Jungwon's hands roam freely now, squeezing your breasts through your shirt, pinching your nipples until you cry out against his mouth.
"Youâre so cute," he murmurs, his words muffled by your kisses. "Wonder how you'd look with my mouth somewhere else." Jungwon meets your rhythm, thrusting up against you, his hands gripping your hips to guide your movements. "Look at you," he continues, his voice dropping lower, becoming rougher. "So desperate for it. Bet you're soaking through these panties right now, aren't you?"
"Only if you're not already leaking through those jeans," you shoot back, your own voice breathy with need.
His response is a guttural groan as he increases the pace, his hips bucking up to meet yours with an urgency that matches your own. The bed creaks beneath you, the sound joining the symphony of wet kisses, ragged breaths, and whispered profanities that fill the room.
"Jungwon," you gasp against his mouth, the name a prayer and a curse all at once.
"Right here," he responds, his hands sliding down to grip your ass, pulling you even closer as he increases the friction between you. "Not going anywhere."
The pressure builds to an almost unbearable level, your movements becoming frantic as you chase your release. Jungwon seems to sense your need, his mouth returning to yours in a kiss that is both possessive and tender, his tongue once again sucking yours into his mouth with a rhythm that pushes you over the edge.
Your orgasm crashes over you with surprising intensity, waves of pleasure coursing through your body as you collapse against him, boneless and trembling. Jungwon holds you through it, his arms wrapped around you, his lips pressing soft kisses against your hair as you struggle to catch your breath.
When your senses slowly return, you become aware of the hardness still pressing against you, a testament to his own unsatisfied desire. You lift your head to look at him, your eyes meeting his in the dim light of the room.
"Your turn," you whisper, a mischievous smile playing on your lips as you prepare to return the favor.
Just as you shift to take control, Jungwon's hands shoot out, gripping your waist with surprising strength. "Oh no," he murmurs against your lips, his voice a low rumble that vibrates through your entire body. "I'm not letting you lead this game. Not yet."
Before you can protest, he's flipped the positions, maneuvering you with an ease that is both impressive and infuriating. You find yourself sitting at the edge of the bed, breathless from the sudden movement, while Jungwon kneels before you. His eyes, dark and intense, never leave yours as his fingers hook into the waistband of your shorts.
"These have to go," he states simply, tugging them down your legs. The fabric pools at your ankles, leaving you completely exposed from the waist down. A flush creeps up your neck as you realize how wet you are, the evidence of your earlier orgasm glistening on your thighs.
Jungwon notices too, of course. A slow, wicked grin spreads across his face as he traces a finger along the damp skin of your inner thigh. "Well now," he teases, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. "Someone got excited. Tell me, Y/N, did you just squirt? Because this looks like more than just regular excitement."
You open your mouth to deliver a sharp comeback, but the words die on your lips as he leans in, pressing soft kisses against your inner thigh. His lips are warm and gentle against your sensitive skin, a stark contrast to the roughness of his earlier actions.
"I should kiss your lips from down there too," he murmurs against your skin, his breath hot against your core. "Since you're so convinced I'm a terrible kisser, maybe I need to practice on a different set of lips."
His mouth moves higher, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. Then he pauses, sucking gently at the tender skin of your inner thigh, leaving a dark mark that will surely be visible tomorrow. He repeats the action on the other side, creating matching hickeys that stand out against your pale skin.
"I don't see the point of putting them on the neck," he explains, admiring his handiwork. "These are much more interesting, don't you think?"
You can't form a coherent response, not when his mouth is so close to where you need it most. And then he is there, his tongue tracing a slow, deliberate path along your folds. The sensation is electric, sending jolts of pleasure through your entire body.
Jungwon doesn't hold back. He devours you with an enthusiasm that is almost overwhelming, his tongue exploring every inch of your most sensitive areas. It is too much, too intense, and you find yourself trying to slide away, overwhelmed by the sensations coursing through you.
But Jungwon isn't having it. His arms lock around your thighs, holding you in place as he effortlessly slides you back toward his waiting mouth. "Oh no you don't," he growls against your core. "You wanted proof, and I'm not done proving anything yet."
His tongue enters you then, fucking you with a rhythm that makes your toes curl. It is delicious, the way he moves inside you, exploring every inch of your inner walls with a skill that is both impressive and infuriating. You look down at him, at the way his dark hair falls across his forehead as he works, at the intense concentration on his face as he focuses on bringing you pleasure.
Just as you are approaching the edge again, he slows down, his movements becoming deliberate, teasing. He runs his tongue through your folds with agonizing slowness, pausing occasionally to look up at you, his eyes dark with challenge. He knows exactly what he is doing, the bastard. He is provoking you, testing your limits, pushing you to the brink of insanity with his maddeningly slow pace.
The sounds are the worst part, or the best part, you can't decide. Each slow lick is accompanied by a wet, sucking noise that echoes in the quiet room, a constant reminder of what is happening between your legs.Â
"Say it," he murmurs against you, his voice muffled by your flesh. "Say I'm a good kisser."
You bite your lip, determined not to give him the satisfaction. You are always stubborn, always bratty when challenged, and this is no different. If he wants you to admit he is good, he is going to have to work harder for it.
Jungwon chuckles, the vibrations sending another wave of pleasure through you. "Still so defiant," he says, pulling back slightly to look at you. "Is that how you treat your precious friend?"
He returns to his task with renewed enthusiasm, his tongue moving faster now, his lips sucking at your clit with a rhythm that makes your hips buck involuntarily.Â
"Come on, Y/N," he urges, his voice rough with desire. "Just say it. Say I'm a good kisser, and I'll let you come."
That is all it takes. The combination of his skilled tongue and his dirty talk sends you over the edge, your orgasm crashing over you with an intensity that leaves you breathless. As waves of pleasure course through your body, the words finally tumble from your lips.
"You're a good kisser," you gasp, your voice ragged with pleasure. "Oh god, Jungwon, you're such a good kisser."
Jungwon continues his ministrations through your orgasm, drawing out your pleasure until you are completely spent, collapsing back against the bed with a satisfied sigh. Only then does he pull away, a triumphant grin on his face as he looks up at you.
"Glad we settled that," he says, his voice smug with satisfaction. He rises to his feet, standing before you with a noticeable bulge in his jeans. "Now it's your turn. Suck my dick."
Jungwon doesn't wait for an answer. He simply stands and begins to unbutton his jeans. He pushes his jeans and boxers down in one smooth motion, and his cock springs free, hard and heavy.
He stands before you, completely exposed from the waist down. He is bigger than you'd somehow imagined, thick and curving slightly upward, the tip already glistening with precum. A vein pulses along the underside.
"On your knees," he commands, his voice low and rough. It isn't a request, but you find yourself complying without hesitation, sliding off the bed onto the plush carpet of your bedroom floor. He steps closer, close enough that you can feel the heat radiating from his body, close enough that his cock is nearly level with your face. He tangles his fingers in your hair, his grip firm but not painful, using it to tilt your head back.
"Open up," he murmurs, his eyes dark with intensity as he looks down at you. "Let's see if that mouth is good for more than just talking back."
You part your lips, your heart pounding in your chest as he guides himself to your mouth. You swirl your tongue around the tip, tasting the salty bitterness of his precum, and he lets out a low groan, his fingers tightening in your hair.
"Fuck, Y/N," he breathes, his voice strained. "Just like that."
You take him into your mouth then, slowly at first, savoring the weight of him on your tongue, the way he fills you so completely. You move your tongue along the underside, tracing the path of that pulsing vein, and his hips jerk forward involuntarily.
"Careful," he warns, though his tone is more pleased than admonishing. "Iâm enjoying this a bit too much."
You want to see him come undone, to hear him gasp and groan, to know that you are the one causing his pleasure. You take him deeper then, until the tip of his cock brushes against the back of your throat, and you swallow around him, your muscles contracting.
"Jesus Christ," he gasps, his hips beginning to move in a shallow rhythm. "You'reâŠfuckâŠyou're really good at this."
You pull back slightly, creating a suction that makes his eyes roll back in his head. Then you take him deep again. Your hands come up to grip his thighs, feeling the muscles tense beneath your touch as he fights to maintain control.
"Look at me," he commands, his voice rough with need. "I want to see those pretty eyes when you're sucking my cock."
You look up at him then, your eyes locking with his as you continue your ministrations. The intensity in his gaze is nearly overwhelming, a mixture of raw desire and something that looks suspiciously like affection. Jungwon begins to move more freely then, his hips thrusting in time with the movements of your mouth. The pace quickens, growing more frantic as he approaches his release.Â
"I'm close," he warns, his voice strained.
You can feel it too, the way his cock seems to swell in your mouth, the way his thrusts become more erratic. You double your efforts, taking him as deep as you can, your tongue working frantically against him.
"Y/N," he gasps, his fingers tightening in your hair. "I'mâŠfuck, I'm coming."
His release is sudden and explosive, hot and salty as he spills into your mouth. You swallow instinctively, taking everything he has to give. When he is finished, Jungwon pulls away slowly, his cock softening as he withdraws from your mouth. He looks down at you, his expression a mixture of awe and satisfaction, his chest heaving with the effort of breathing.
"Come here," he says, his voice softening as he reaches down to help you to your feet. He pulls you into his arms, his lips finding yours in a kiss that is both tender and reassuring, tasting of him and of you and of everything you have just shared.
"You did great," he murmurs against your lips, his arms wrapping around you in a tight embrace.
You melt against him, your body still humming with pleasure, your mind reeling from the intensity of what has just happened.Â
You wake up to the sensation of someone driving a truck over you.
No. Wait. That's just the hangover.
Your eyes crack open, and the first thing you register is the glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling. The second thing you register is that your mouth tastes like something died in it. The third thing is that you're wearing only one sock. The fourth thing hits you like a freight train.
Jungwon.
You bolt upright so fast that the room spins violently, and you have to press your palm against your forehead to keep your brain from escaping through your ears. The memories come flooding back in fragmented, disjointed flashes, the whiskey, the challenge, the door clicking shut. His hands on your waist. You grinding on him. The way he'd said your name, low and rough, like it was something sacred.
You look down at yourself. You're still in your shirt from last night, wrinkled but still there. Your shorts are on the floor. And there, on your inner thigh, just above your knee, is a mark. A small, purplish bruise that definitely wasn't there yesterday.
You look for more, your heart hammering, and find another one. And another. A whole constellation of hickeys mapping a path across your skin.
"Oh my god," you whisper to the empty room. "Oh my god, it wasn't a dream."
It was not a dream. It was very much not a dream. You and Jungwon had gone at each other like two people who had been waiting their entire lives for an excuse. There had been hands and mouths and the kind of sounds you didn't know you were capable of making. And now you have to face him.
You spend approximately fifteen minutes staring at your reflection in the bathroom mirror, trying to will the evidence off your skin. The hickeys are not going anywhere unfortunately. The smell of breakfast hits you before you even reach the bottom of the stairs. Eggs. Bacon. The unmistakable aroma of your mother's hangover soup, which she only makes when the entire household has made questionable decisions the night before. You follow the scent to the kitchen, your stomach churning with a mixture of nausea and pure, undiluted terror.
And there he is.
Jungwon is sitting at your kitchen table. Your kitchen table. In your house. Eating your mother's cooking like he belongs there, which, to be fair, he kind of does. He's been eating at this table since before he could see over the edge of it. But today, the sight of him makes your entire body go hot and cold at the same time.
He looks... fine. Completely, infuriatingly fine. His hair is slightly damp, like he's just showered. He's wearing a soft-looking sweater and jeans, and he's laughing at something your dad is saying, his eyes crinkling at the corners in that familiar way. There's no sign of a hangover. No sign of regret. No sign that anything at all has changed between you.
"There she is!" your mother announces, spotting you in the doorway. "The last survivor of last night's chaos. Come, sit. I made soup."
You mumble something that might be "good morning" or might be "please kill me," and you slide into the chair across from Jungwon. He glances up at you, and for one heart-stopping moment, you think you see something flicker in his eyes, a flash of recognition, a hint of heat, but then it's gone, replaced by that same easy, brotherly smile.
"Rough night?" he asks, and his tone is light, teasing, completely normal.
"You could say that."
"Your dad was snoring so loud I could hear it from my house."
You stare at Jungwon, waiting for something, a knowing look, a secret smile, something that acknowledges what happened between you. But he just keeps eating his eggs, chatting with your parents like this is any other morning, like he didn't spend a significant portion of last night with his mouth on your-
"Y/N, you're not eating," your mother says, pushing the soup closer to you. "Are you feeling okay? You look flushed."
"I'm fine," you manage. "Just... tired."
"Too much whiskey," your dad says sagely. "I told you kids. The Yangs can hold their liquor. Our family has no chance."
"I'm literally a Yang," Jungwon points out.
"Exactly. You have the advantage. It's genetics."
The conversation flows around and you sit there in silence, pushing your soup around your bowl, watching Jungwon act like everything is normal. Like everything is fine. Like he didn't whisper your name against your lips in the dark of your childhood bedroom.
Your parents have retreated to the living room, and Jungwon is at the sink, rinsing his bowl with the same helpful energy he's always had. You wait until you hear the TV turn on, and then you grab his arm and pull him into the hallway.
"Hey-" he starts, but you're already backing him against the wall, your hands planted on either side of him, your eyes blazing.
"What the hell was that?"
Jungwon blinks at you. "What was what?"
"That!" You gesture vaguely at the kitchen, at the breakfast table, at the entire morning. "Sitting there, eating eggs, acting like nothing happened!"
"Because nothing happened."
"Nothing-" You choke on the word. "Nothing happened? Jungwon, weâŠlast nightâŠmy roomâŠ"
Understanding dawns on his face, and his expression shifts into something more serious. More guarded. "Oh. That."
"Yes. That."
He exhales slowly, his shoulders dropping. "Y/N, look. Last night was..." He pauses, searching for the right word. "It was a mistake."
The word hits you like a slap. "A mistake."
"Not because of you," he adds quickly, his ears turning pink. "Never because of you. But I shouldn't have... we were both drunk. We weren't thinking clearly. I took advantage of the situation, and I'm sorry."
"You didn't take advantage of anything. I'm the one who started it."
"You were drunk."
"So were you."
"That's exactly my point." He runs a hand through his hair, a frustrated gesture you've seen a thousand times. "We were both drunk, and we did things that... that we probably wouldn't have done if we were sober. And I don't want that to change anything between us."
Your stomach drops. "You don't?"
"No. You're my best friend, Y/N. You've been my best friend since I was six years old. I'm not going to let one night of... whatever that was... ruin fifteen years of friendship." His voice is earnest, his eyes searching your face for understanding. "I mean, it wasn't even... we didn't even... it was just foreplay, right? It's not like we went all the way. We can just forget it happened. Move on. Go back to normal."
Just foreplay. The words echo in your head like a taunt. Just foreplay. Like it was nothing. Like it didn't matter. Like the marks on your thighs are just random bruises, meaningless and forgettable.
"Right," you hear yourself say, and your voice comes out remarkably steady. "Just foreplay. No big deal."
"Exactly." Jungwon's shoulders relax, and the smile that spreads across his face is so relieved, so genuinely happy, that it makes your chest ache. "I knew you'd understand. You've always been the reasonable one."
"I'm the sarcastic one. You're the reasonable one."
"Then we're both reasonable. Even better." He reaches out and ruffles your hair, the same gesture he's been doing since you were kids, and then he's walking past you, back toward the kitchen, calling out something to your mom about helping with the dishes.
You stand there in the hallway, your back pressed against the wall, and you feel the sting of tears behind your eyes. You blink them back furiously. You are not going to cry. You are not going to cry over Jungwon, who just called what happened between you a mistake. Who said it was just foreplay. Who wants to forget it happened and move on.
You're not going to cry. But you're also not going to forget.
Two days pass.
Two days of pretending everything is normal. Two days of Jungwon acting exactly the same as he always has, helpful and cheerful and brotherly and infuriating. Two days of you smiling and nodding and laughing at his jokes while something hot and angry and desperate simmers just beneath the surface of your skin.
The problem is, you can't stop looking at him.
Every time he reaches for something, you notice the flex of his forearm. Every time he laughs, you watch the way his throat moves. Every time he brushes past you, your body remembers the weight of his hands, the heat of his mouth, the sound of his voice saying your name in the dark.Â
It's frustrating. It's maddening. It's the most alive you've felt in years.
"Convenience store run?" Jungwon appears in your doorway on the third afternoon. "I'm craving melon ice cream."
"You're always craving melon ice cream."
"Pretty please."
"Fine." You grab your jacket and follow him out.
Jungwon chatters about nothing, a movie he wants to see, a new boba flavor he tried and hated. You respond in monosyllables, your attention divided between the conversation and the way the afternoon light catches the angles of his jaw.
You need to get a grip. You really, really need to get a grip.
The convenience store is blessedly air-conditioned and mostly empty. Jungwon heads straight for the ice cream aisle, leaving you to wander toward the chip section.
"Y/N? Is that you?"
You turn. The guy standing in front of you is vaguely familiar. It takes you a moment to place him, but then the memory clicks into focus: Jaehyun. High school. You'd sat next to each other in math class for two years.
"Jaehyun!" you say, genuinely surprised. "Wow, it's been a while."
"Right? Three years, maybe? You look great." He grins, and it's a nice grin, friendly and open. "Are you back for the summer?"
"Yeah, just visiting family. You?"
"Same. My parents still live in the old house, so I'm stuck here until August." He rolls his eyes good-naturedly. "Small towns, right? Nothing ever changes."
"Tell me about it."
The conversation flows easily, catching up on majors and career plans and mutual acquaintances from high school.
"Hey, we should catch up properly sometime," Jaehyun says, pulling out his phone. "A bunch of us are doing a bonfire next weekend. You should come. Bring whoever you want."
"Yeah, maybe. That sounds-"
And then his hand reaches out and ruffles your hair. It's an innocent gesture. Friendly. The same kind of casual physical contact that people exchange all the time without thinking about it. But before you can even process what's happening, there's a blur of movement behind you, and Jaehyunâs wrist is being yanked away from your head with enough force to make him yelp.
"Hey now," Jungwon's voice says, and it's light, teasing, the same tone he uses when he's joking around. But there's something underneath it, something cold and sharp that you've never heard before. "Let's keep our hands to ourselves, yeah?"
Jaehyun stares at him, his eyes wide. You stare too. Jungwon is smiling, a pleasant, polite smile that doesn't reach his eyes.Â
"I was just-" Jaehyun starts.
"Just saying hi. I get it." Jungwon's smile doesn't waver. "But here's the thingâŠyou don't touch her hair. That's not something you get to do. Understand?"
Jaehyun nods quickly, and Jungwon releases his wrist, patting him on the shoulder with that same easy, friendly energy.
"Good talk. Enjoy your summer, man."
And then he's turning away, his hand finding your elbow, steering you toward the checkout counter. You catch a glimpse of Jaehyunâs face, confused, slightly alarmed, before you're being dragged down the snack aisle and out of view.
"What the hell was that?" you hiss, yanking your arm free.
"What was what?" Jungwon doesn't look at you. He's studying the ice cream selection like it's the most fascinating thing in the world.
"That! With Jaehyun! You just, you threatened him!"
"I didn't threaten him. I set a boundary. There's a difference."
"You grabbed his wrist!"
"Gently."
"Jungwon." You step in front of him, forcing him to look at you. "What is your deal?"
For a long moment, he doesn't answer. His expression is unreadable, his jaw tight. Then he moves, one step, two, and suddenly you're backing up, your shoulders hitting the cold glass door of the ice cream freezer. He's right there, inches away, his body crowding yours against the door, and you can feel the chill of the glass through your shirt and the heat of him in front of you.
His hand comes up. His fingers slide into your hair. And then he ruffles it,but it's not the casual gesture from before. It's slower. More deliberate. His fingertips trace against your scalp, and the sensation sends a shiver down your spine.
"Don't let other guys touch your hair," he says quietly, and his voice is low and rough and completely, utterly serious. "That's mine."
You stare up at him, your heart hammering, your brain short-circuiting. His face is close, so close you can see the individual strands of his eyelashes, the way his pupils have gone dark and wide. He looks like a completely different person. He looks like someone who wants to devour you.
And then he steps back. "Anyway," he says, and his voice is back to normal, cheerful and light, like nothing at all just happened. "I'm getting melon and chocolate. You want strawberry, right?"
He turns and walks toward the checkout counter, leaving you frozen against the ice cream freezer, your legs weak, your heart racing, your hair still tingling where he touched it.
What. The hell. Was that.
You stay there for a solid thirty seconds, trying to remember how to breathe. The cold from the freezer is seeping through your shirt, and you can hear Jungwon chatting with the cashier like he didn't just press you against a freezer and claim ownership of your hair. Your hair. Like it belongs to him. Like you belong to him.
And the worst part, the absolute, devastating worst part is that some dark, twisted corner of your brain liked it. Liked the way he'd crowded you. Liked the way he'd said mine in that low, possessive voice. Liked the way his fingers had felt in your hair, slow and deliberate and completely unlike anything he'd ever done before.
You push yourself off the freezer door and follow him to the checkout. Jungwon is already paying, his expression serene, his posture relaxed.
"Got your strawberry," he says, holding up the ice cream. "Ready to go?"
You nod mutely.
The walk home is quiet. Jungwon eats his melon ice cream and comments on the weather and points out a funny-shaped cloud, and you walk beside him in a daze, your mind spinning with questions you're too afraid to ask.
*What was that back there?*
*What did you mean by "mine"?*
*Do you want me the way I want you, or was that just some weird protective instinct that you're going to laugh off later and pretend never happened?*
But you don't ask. Because you're scared of the answers. Because if he laughs it off, if he says it was nothing, if he goes back to being the same platonic Jungwon he's always been, you don't think you can handle that. So you walk in silence, and you eat your strawberry ice cream, and you try very hard not to think about the way his fingers felt in your hair.
The invitation comes on a Thursday, delivered via text message with the casual energy of someone suggesting what to have for lunch.
**Jungwon:** *lake tomorrow? picnic? there's that spot we used to go to as kids. i'll pack food.*
You stare at the message for approximately five minutes. The spot he's talking about is a small, secluded clearing by the lake about twenty minutes outside of townâa hidden gem that you'd discovered together when you were kids. You'd spent entire summers there, swimming until your fingers pruned, eating sandwiches that got slightly soggy from the cooler, lying on the grass and making up stories about the shapes in the clouds.
It's also, objectively, one of the most romantic places in existence. Secluded. Quiet. Surrounded by trees and the gentle lapping of water against the shore. If you were a romance novel protagonist, this would be the chapter where the love interest makes his move.
But you're not a romance novel protagonist.
This is a terrible idea. You should say no.
**You:** *sure. what time?*
The next morning Jungwon picks you up at ten, his car already packed with a cooler, a picnic blanket, and two towels that he definitely stole from his mom's linen closet.
"Ready for adventure?" he asks, holding the passenger door open with an exaggerated flourish.
"Ready for a twenty-minute drive to a lake we've been to literally a hundred times?"
"Every time is a new adventure."
"Iâm already tired of you speaking."
"Itâs just the beginning."
You roll your eyes and climb into the car, and he closes the door behind you with a satisfied grin. You roll down the window, letting the warm air whip through your hair, and for a moment, everything feels simple. Easy. Like it used to be before your feelings got tangled up in everything. And then Jungwon connects his phone to the car speaker, and a familiar song starts playing.
Lost Island - Enhypen now playing
"Oh my god," you say, recognizing the opening notes. "Is this-"
"Lost Island," he confirms, his grin widening. "Don't pretend you don't know every word."
"I don't know every word."
"You definitely know every word. You made me watch the colour coded lyrics when it came out."
"That was just to see the translation.."
"What about when you made me look at the concept photoshoot of the album?"
"It was for art purposes. I was studying the different concepts."
"You were studying Ni-kiâs pictures for the Afterlight version (iykyk), yeah?"
"Those pictures are a cultural reset."
He laughs, and the sound fills the car, and then he's singing along, loud and off-key and you can't help but join in. You've known this song since it came out. You've listened to it on late-night study sessions, on walks across campus, on the bus ride home from college. You know every lyric, every beat, every ad-lib. And singing it with Jungwon, your voices clashing and harmonizing in all the wrong ways, feels like coming home.
"AND NOTHINGâS MORE PRECIOUS THAN TIME? THAN TIME WITH YOU!" he belts, completely butchering the song.
"That's not even close to the right key!"
"It's the right key in my heart!"
"Your heart is tone-deaf!"
The banter carries you the rest of the way to the lake, the familiar landscape scrolling past your window like a slideshow of your childhood.Â
"It's exactly the same," you breathe, stepping out of the car.
"Some things don't change," Jungwon says, and there's something in his voice, something almost wistful that makes you glance at him. But he's already turning away, pulling the cooler out of the trunk, his expression back to its usual cheerful neutrality.
Jungwon spreads the blanket on a flat patch of grass near the water's edge, weighting down the corners with rocks so it doesn't blow away in the breeze. He unpacks the cooler very carefully, sandwiches wrapped in wax paper, a container of cut fruit, two bottles of lemonade, a bag of chips, and a small box of the cookies you used to beg your mom to buy when you were little.
"You remembered the cookies," you say, and your voice comes out more surprised than you intended.
"Of course I remembered. They're your favorite." He says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Like remembering your favorite childhood cookies is just something people do. "I also brought the chips you like, even though you always eat the entire bag and then complain that you feel sick."
"I do not."
"You absolutely do."
"I will push you into the lake."
"You can try."
After lunch, Jungwon leans back on his elbows, tilting his face toward the sun. "We should swim."
"We didn't bring swimsuits."
"So?"
"So I'm not swimming in my clothes."
"Who said anything about clothes?" He grins at the look on your face. "Kidding. Kind of. You can swim in your t-shirt and underwear. It's basically the same as a swimsuit."
"Underwear is not the same as a swimsuit."
"It's fabric. You wear it. You get wet. Same concept."
"The concept is not the same. There's-" You stop, because he's already pulling his shirt over his head, and the sight of his bare torso short-circuits your brain.
You've seen Jungwon without a shirt before. Plenty of times. Swimming as kids, running through sprinklers, that one disastrous summer when he decided to try to get a six-pack and made you do crunches with him in his backyard. But this is different. He's different. The lean muscle of his shoulders, the planes of his chest, the way his stomach tightens as he tosses the shirt onto the blanket, it's all very, very different.
"See something you like?" he asks, and his tone is teasing, light, completely unaware of the chaos happening inside your brain.
"Just trying to figure out where your tan line starts," you say, your voice blessedly steady. "It's very uneven."
He laughs and wades into the water, his back to you, and you take the opportunity to have a small, internal meltdown. If he doesn't see you as a romantic prospect, then what does it matter if you're in your underwear? It's not like he's going to look at you differently. It's not like anything is going to change.
"Fine," you say, standing up. "But if I get hypothermia, you're explaining it to my mom."
"You're not going to get hypothermia. It's like eighty degrees."
You pull your shirt over your head, shimmy out of your shorts, and are left standing in your underwear, a simple black set that you definitely didn't choose this morning with the vague, subconscious hope that someone might see it. That would be ridiculous.
Jungwon glances back at you, and for just a second, just a fraction of a heartbeat, his eyes flicker down your body. But then he's looking away, splashing into the deeper water, his voice carrying over the lake. "Hurry up! The water's perfect!"
You wade in after him, and the water is cold enough to make you gasp. You push through the discomfort and dive forward, submerging yourself completely, and when you surface, your hair is plastered to your face and you're laughing.
You float on your back, staring up at the sky, and Jungwon floats beside you, and for a while, neither of you speaks. It's peaceful. Quiet. The kind of moment you'd want to bottle and keep forever.
And then Jungwon ruins it. "Remember when we used to do this as kids?" he says, his voice dreamy. "You were so small I could carry you around the whole lake."
"I was not that small."
"You were tiny. I could pick you up with one arm."
"That's a lie and you know it."
"It's not a lie. I'll prove it."
Before you can protest, he's moving toward you through the water, his hands finding your waist. You barely have time to yelp before he lifts you, actually *lifts* you, like you weigh nothing and suddenly you're dangling in the water with his hands under your arms, your face level with his.
"See?" he says, and his grin is insufferable. "Still got it."
"That's not, you're using both hands-"
"Details."
The position is ridiculous. You're basically suspended in the water, your legs floating uselessly behind you, his hands wedged firmly under your armpits. But his fingers, his fingers are pressing into the sides of your chest, dangerously close to-
Oh god.
His thumbs are brushing against the curve of your breasts.
You freeze. Every muscle in your body goes rigid. Your face, which was already flushed from the sun, goes approximately forty shades redder. Jungwon doesn't seem to notice, he's still grinning, still holding you up, his fingers still in that exact same position.
"You're so light," he's saying. "Have you been eating enough? Your mom was right, you're like a-"
You don't let him finish. You thrash in his grip, twisting out of his hands with a splash that sends water cascading over both of you. When you surface, gasping, you use the momentum to push a wave directly into his face.
"What was that for?!" he splutters, wiping water from his eyes.
"You were being annoying!"
"I was being helpful!"
"Your hands were-" You stop. You cannot say your hands were on my boobs. You absolutely cannot say that. "You were in my personal space!"
"That's what happens when you carry someone! There's personal space involved!"
"Not that much personal space!"
"You're so weird." But he's laughing, and the moment passes, and he's swimming away from you toward the deeper part of the lake, completely oblivious to the cardiac event he just caused.
You float there for a moment, your heart hammering, your skin tingling everywhere his fingers had touched. He didn't notice. Of course he didn't notice. He was just being Jungwon, playful and physical and completely unaware of the effect he has on you. To him, it was just another childhood game. Just another memory in the long highlight reel of your friendship.
But to you? To you, it was everything.
You take a deep breath and dive underwater, letting the cold silence swallow you whole. When you surface again, you've composed yourself. Your face is still flushed, but you can blame it on the sun. Your heart is still racing, but you can blame it on the swimming.
"You okay over there?" Jungwon calls from the deeper water. "You look like you're thinking too hard."
"I'm always thinking too hard."
"What about?"
About you. About your hands. About the way you said "mine" in the convenience store and then never mentioned it again. About how I'm trying so hard to move on and you keep doing things that make it impossible.
"About how I'm going to get revenge," you say instead, and you launch yourself toward him with a war cry that echoes across the lake.
The splash fight that follows is epic. Water goes everywhere. You end up with lake water in your sinuses and a piece of algae in your hair. Jungwon laughs so hard he accidentally inhales water and spends a full minute coughing on the shore. When you finally drag yourselves out of the lake, shivering and dripping and exhausted, you collapse onto the picnic blanket side by side, staring up at the sky.
The sun is starting its slow descent toward the horizon, painting the sky in shades of pink and gold. Your clothes are spread out on the grass, drying in the warm air, and you're lying in your underwear on a picnic blanket next to your childhood best friend, and somehow it doesn't feel awkward. It feels natural. Easy. Like this is exactly where you're supposed to be.
But as the sky darkens and the first stars appear, you remind yourself: this isn't a romance novel. He doesn't see you that way. And you're trying to move on.
You just wish moving on didn't feel so much like falling.
You're both still damp from the lake, a pleasant chill raising goosebumps on your skin. Jungwon notices you shivering slightly as you sit on the picnic blanket, pulling your knees to your chest.
"You're cold," he says, stating the obvious as he stands up. "Come on, let's get you warmed up."
Before you can protest, he's already pulling you to your feet, his hand warm and firm around yours. He leads you toward a large, flat rock at the edge of the clearing that has been baking in the afternoon sun. It radiates a gentle heat against your bare legs as he positions you to sit on its edge.
But he doesn't sit beside you. Instead, he positions himself directly in front of you, between your legs, his body creating a shield against the evening breeze. The proximity is intoxicating, his bare torso just inches from yours, close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating from his skin, close enough that you could lean forward and press your lips against his if you were brave enough, or stupid enough.
"You need a break," he says, his voice lower than it was moments before, his eyes fixed on yours. "After that epic defeat in the water."
"I didn't lose," you retort, but your voice lacks its usual conviction. You're too aware of his hands as they come to rest on your thighs, his thumbs stroking your skin in slow, deliberate circles. "It was clearly a tie."
"Denial is not just a river in Egypt," he replies, a small smirk playing on his lips. But his eyes... his eyes are serious, intense, focused on yours with an unwavering gaze that makes your breath catch.
You try to ignore the way his hands feel on your skin, the way his touch sends jolts of electricity through your entire body. You try to focus on the lake, on the sunset, on anything other than the man standing between your legs, looking at you like you're the only person in the world.
But then his hands begin to move.
It's a slow, deliberate journey, his fingers tracing a path along the sensitive skin of your thighs. Higher and higher they go, until they reach the inner curve of your legs. Your breath hitches, your muscles tensing as his fingers continue their exploration, inching ever closer to your most intimate place.
His hands reach the apex of your thighs, his fingers curling around the curve where your legs meet your hips. And then, oh god, his thumb slides inward, the tip of it brushing against the edge of your panties, touching the place where your folds begin through the thin fabric.
A soft gasp escapes your lips, your hips shifting involuntarily. The touch is electric, sending waves of pleasure through your entire body. You can feel yourself growing wet, your body responding to his touch with an eagerness that betrays your attempts at nonchalance.
Jungwon's eyes darken, his thumb pressing slightly more firmly against you, a silent acknowledgment of your reaction. The air between you grows thick with tension, charged with unspoken desire. You lean in slightly, your lips parting, your entire being focused on the man before you and the hand that's doing unspeakable things to your composure.
And then he pulls away.
Just like that. As if nothing had happened. "We should probably get back to the blanket," he says, his voice completely normal. "I think there are still some cookies left."
You stare at him, your mind reeling, your body still humming with unfulfilled desire. Is he doing this on purpose? Is this some kind of game to him, a way to provoke you, to test your reactions? Or is he really so clueless that he doesn't realize what he's doing to you, doesn't understand the effect his casual touches have on your body, your mind, your heart?
You slide off the rock, your legs feeling shaky beneath you as you follow him back to the picnic blanket. As you dress, you watch him out of the corner of your eye, searching for some sign, some indication of what's going on in that head of his. But he's whistling softly, sorting through the remnants of your picnic, completely at ease.
And you're left wondering, as you have so many times before, whether the tension between you is real or just another product of your overactive imagination.Or whether, just maybe, he's as confused about this as you are.
Jungwon is lying beside you, propped up on one elbow, his hair still wet and curling slightly at the ends. He's got a cookie in one hand and his phone in the other, scrolling through something with casual ease. His phone buzzes, cutting through your thoughts. Jungwon glances at the screen, and his face breaks into a grin.
"Oh, it's Heeseung," he says, already accepting the video call. "I told him I was at the lake. He said he didn't believe me."
Heeseung. The name is familiar, Jungwon's best friend from college, the one he's mentioned a few times in passing. You've never met him, but you've heard enough stories to piece together a rough picture.
"Jungwon!" A voice crackles through the phone speaker, and Jungwon angles the screen so you can see. The guy on the other end is exactly as advertised, sharp jawline, dark eyes, the kind of face that probably breaks hearts without even trying. He's sitting somewhere indoors, a window behind him letting in soft afternoon light. "You actually went to the lake? I thought you were lying."
"Why would I lie about going to a lake?"
"I don't know. To seem more interesting than you actually are?"
"I'm very interesting."
"You read philosophy books for fun. That's not interesting. That's a cry for help."
You snort, and Heeseung's attention immediately snaps to you. "Who's that? Is someone else there?"
"This is Y/N," Jungwon says, tilting the phone toward you. "My childhood best friend. The one I've told you about."
You wave awkwardly at the camera. "Hi. I'm the one who didn't pour coffee on her own head."
Heeseung laughs, and it's a genuine, surprised laugh. "I like her already. She's got better instincts than me."
"Everyone has better instincts than you," Jungwon says. "You're famously bad at decisions."
"I'm famously bad at some decisions. I'm very good at other ones." Heeseung shifts, and in the background of his video, you catch a glimpse of movement. Someone else is in the room with him, a girl, sitting at a desk, her face partially obscured by a laptop screen. She's got headphones on, completely absorbed in whatever she's doing, and there's a colorful highlighter tucked behind her ear.
"Oh, is that-" Jungwon starts, and something in his voice changes. It's subtle, a slight softening, a slight hesitation, but you notice it immediately. You've spent too many years cataloging every nuance of his expressions not to notice.
"Yeah, that's her," Heeseung says, glancing over his shoulder at the girl. "She's studying. Again. I told her it's summer break, but she said, and I quote, the mitochondria doesn't take vacations."
"That sounds like her," Jungwon says, and there's that tone again. That soft, almost wistful tone that makes your stomach clench.
The girl in the background looks up, as if sensing she's being discussed, and Heeseung waves her over. She removes her headphones with a slightly confused expression, and then she's walking toward the camera, and you get your first clear look at her.
She's pretty. Really pretty, in a natural, unassuming way. Round glasses perched on her nose, her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, wearing an oversized sweater that looks like it's been through several all-night study sessions. There's something about her expression, a little nervous, a little awkward, but also warm and genuine, that makes you understand immediately why someone might fall for her.
"This is Y/N," Heeseung says to her, gesturing at the phone. "Jungwon's friend."
"Hi, Y/N," the girl says, leaning into the frame. Her smile is slightly shy but sincere. "I've heard a lot about you. Jungwon talks about you all the time."
"All good things, I hope?"
"Mostly good things. He mentioned something about a treehouse incident?"
"I'm not taking responsibility for that. That was entirely his fault."
"It was not entirely my fault," Jungwon protests. "You were the one who wanted to add a second story."
"Because you said you wanted a better view of the stars."
"I was being romantic!"
"You were being delusional. The tree couldn't even support one story, let alone two."
The girl laughs, and Heeseung looks at her with an expression so openly, unguardedly fond that it makes something twist in your chest. That's love. That's real, undeniable, completely transparent love. The kind of love that doesn't hide or apologize or pretend to be something else.
"We should let you guys get back to your picnic," Heeseung says. "I just wanted to confirm that the lake does, in fact, exist."
"Confirmed," Jungwon says. "It's still here. Still wet. Still full of fish."
"Excellent. Very informative." Heeseung grins. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
"That doesn't leave much."
"Exactly."
The call ends, and the screen goes dark. Jungwon sets his phone down on the blanket and reaches for another cookie, completely oblivious to the storm that's just started brewing in your chest.
That's her. The girl from the philosophy elective. The one Jungwon had a crush on for months. The one he talked about in your kitchen with that soft, distant look in his eyes. The one who ended up with his best friend instead of him. And she's... nice. She seems nice. Genuinely nice, not fake nice, not trying-too-hard nice. The kind of nice that makes it impossible to hate her, even though a small, petty part of you really wants to.
"Jungwon?" you say.
"Hmm?"
"That was her, wasn't it? The girl you liked."
He pauses mid-chew, and for a moment, something flickers across his face, surprise, maybe, or the ghost of an old wound. But then it's gone, replaced by a smile that's a little too casual to be entirely genuine.
"Yeah. That was her."
"She seems nice."
"She is." He swallows the cookie and stares out at the lake, his expression unreadable. "She's really nice. She and Heeseung are good together."
"And you're okay with that?"
"I'm okay with that." He says it firmly, like he's practiced the words. Like he's said them to himself enough times that they've started to feel true. "It took a while, but... yeah. I'm okay with it. They make each other happy. That's what matters."
You don't know what to say to that. There's a heaviness in his voice that he's trying to hide, and you know him well enough to recognize it. He's not lying, he really is okay with it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still sting. That doesn't mean he doesn't still think about it sometimes, late at night, when the world is quiet and the what-ifs creep in.
"I'm going to take a nap," Jungwon announces, stretching out on the blanket and pillowing his head on his arms. "The sun and the swimming made me tired."
"Okay."
"You should nap too. You look tired."
"I look radiant."
"You look radiantly tired."
"That's not a thing."
"It's a thing now. I invented it." He closes his eyes, and within minutes, his breathing evens out. He's asleep. Just like that.Â
You sit there for a while, watching him sleep.
We can't be friends - Ariana Grande now playing
It's strange, seeing him like this. Unguarded. Vulnerable. The tension that he carries in his shoulders has melted away, and his face is relaxed in a way it rarely is when he's awake.
Your eyes trace the familiar lines of his face, the curve of his jaw, the sweep of his eyelashes. You know every inch of this face. You've memorized it over fifteen years of glances and gazes and stolen looks. But there's something different about looking at him now. Something heavier. Something that sits in your chest like a stone.
So that's he*, you think. That's the girl who had his heart.
And she's lovely. She's genuinely, painfully lovely. You saw it in the way she smiled, in the way she looked at Heeseung, in the way she clearly has no idea that she was once the center of someone else's entire world. She probably doesn't even know. She probably went about her life, completely unaware that Jungwon spent months pining over her, working up the courage to say something, only to lose his chance because he waited too long.
And that's the thing, isn't it? He waited too long. He liked her and he didn't say anything, and by the time he was ready, it was too late. Someone else had already stepped in. Someone bolder, someone braver, someone who didn't wait.
But he's not like that anymore. You've seen the change in him. The confidence. The ease. The way he carries himself like someone who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go after it. He told you himself, after that whole situation, he decided to stop waiting. To start living. To explore his youth and put himself out there and not let opportunities pass him by.
She did that. That girl, with her round glasses and her messy ponytail and her complete, oblivious unawareness of the effect she had on him, she changed him. She's the reason he started hooking up with people in college. She's the reason he bought condoms and learned how to kiss properly and became the kind of person who presses other people against freezers and claims ownership of their hair.
You should be grateful to her. In a weird, twisted way, she's the reason Jungwon is who he is now, more confident, more assertive, more willing to go after what he wants. But all you feel is a hot, jealous knot in your stomach that you can't seem to untangle.
What does she have that you don't?
The thought surfaces before you can stop it, ugly and uninvited. You push it down, but it keeps rising back up, persistent and sharp.
What does she have that you don't? You've known Jungwon your entire life. You've been there for every scraped knee, every broken bone, every triumph and every failure. You know the exact way he takes his coffee and the name of every pet he's ever had and the song he listens to when he's sad. You've seen him at his worst and at his best, and you've loved every version of him.
And yet. And yet.
When he talks about her, there's still a softness in his voice. When he looked at her on that video call, there was still a flicker of something, not longing, exactly, but memory. The ghost of a feeling that was once very real. And you've never had that. You've never been the person Jungwon looked at like that. You've never been the person he pined over, the person he wrote letters to, the person he stayed up late thinking about.
You're just Y/N. His childhood best friend. The person he carries around in the lake and ruffles the hair of and tells all his secrets to, but never, ever looks at the way you want him to.
"It's not fair," you whisper, and your voice is so quiet it barely disturbs the air. "What does she have that I don't?"
The question hangs there, unanswered, and the silence that follows is deafening.
You look down at Jungwon, still sleeping peacefully, completely unaware of the turmoil churning inside you. His lips are slightly parted. His chest rises and falls with slow, steady breaths. There's a piece of cookie crumb on his chin that he missed when he wiped his mouth earlier.
You reach out and brush it away, your fingers lingering against his skin for just a moment longer than necessary.
"I've been here the whole time," you murmur. "I've always been here."
He doesn't stir. He doesn't hear you. Maybe that's for the best.
You lean down, and before you can talk yourself out of it, you press a kiss to his cheek. It's soft. Barely there. The kind of kiss that could be dismissed as friendly if anyone saw, but is secretly, desperately not. Your lips brush against the warmth of his skin, and you close your eyes, and for just one moment, you let yourself imagine what it would be like if he woke up and looked at you the way Heeseung looked at that girl. Like you were the center of his universe. Like you were the reason he existed.
But he doesn't wake up. And the moment passes.
You pull back, your heart aching, and you lie down beside him on the blanket. The sun is still warm, and the breeze is still gentle, and the lake is still lapping against the shore. Nothing has changed. Everything has changed.
You close your eyes, and you let sleep take you, and the last thing you feel before you drift off is the warmth of his body next to yours, close, but not close enough. Always, always, not close enough.
You wake up to the gentle hum of an engine and the soft pressure of something warm draped over your body.
It takes you a moment to orient yourself. You're not on the picnic blanket anymore. You're not by the lake. You're in a car, Jungwon's car, you recognize the air freshener and the one-eyed bear in the backseat, and someone has covered you with a jacket. Your jacket. The one you'd left in the backseat this morning.
Outside the window, your house is silhouetted against the dusky evening sky. The porch light is on. Your mom's car is in the driveway. Everything is exactly as you left it this morning, and yet nothing feels the same.
You push yourself upright, blinking sleep from your eyes, and that's when you notice Jungwon. He's not in the driver's seat. He's outside the car, leaning against the hood with his arms crossed, staring up at the sky. The first stars are starting to appear, and his profile is illuminated by the soft glow of the streetlamp. He looks pensive. Distant. Like he's been standing there for a while, lost in thoughts he doesn't want to share.
You open the car door, and the sound makes him turn. His expression shifts immediately, the pensiveness replaced by that familiar, warm smile. But there's something tired about it tonight. Something that doesn't quite reach his eyes.
"Hey, sleepyhead," he says. "You were out cold. I didn't want to wake you."
"You carried me to the car?"
"You were dead weight. It wasn't that hard."
"I'm average height."
"You're fun-sized."
You roll your eyes, but there's no real irritation behind it. You're too busy processing the fact that he carried you from the lake to the car. That he wrapped you in your jacket and drove you home and then waited outside, in the cooling evening air, just so you could sleep a little longer.
"Thank you," you say, and your voice comes out softer than you intended. "For today. For... all of it."
"It was nothing." He shrugs, but his smile is genuine. "I had fun. It was like old times."
Old times. Right. Because that's what this was to him. Just another memory in the long, unbroken chain of your friendship. Nothing more.
He reaches out and ruffles your hair, the same gesture he's been doing since you were kids, the same casual, affectionate touch that used to feel so natural and now feels like a knife twisting in your chest.
"Get some rest," he says, already turning toward the driver's side. "I'll see you tomor-"
"Wait."
The word escapes before you can stop it. He pauses, his hand on the car door, his head tilted in confusion.
"What's up?"
Your heart is pounding. Your palms are sweating. Every rational part of your brain is screaming at you to let him go, to swallow your feelings, to keep pretending that everything is fine. But you're tired of pretending. You're tired of hiding. You're tired of watching him walk away and wondering what would happen if you just said the words you've been holding back for weeks.
"I need to tell you something," you say, and your voice is steadier than you feel. "And I need you to let me finish before you say anything. Can you do that?"
Jungwon's expression flickers, confusion, concern, something else you can't quite name. But he nods. "Okay. I'm listening."
You take a deep breath. The evening air is cool against your flushed cheeks. The streetlamp buzzes softly overhead. Somewhere in the distance, a dog barks. The world keeps turning, oblivious to the fact that you're about to upend everything.
Earrings - Malcolm Todd now playing
"I like you," you say.
The words hang in the air between you.
"I don't mean like a friend. I don't mean like a brother. I mean... I like you. I have feelings for you. And I've been trying to ignore them, and I've been trying to move on, and I've been telling myself that you don't see me that way and I should just accept it, but I can't. Not anymore. Not after everything that's happened."
Jungwon is completely still. His hand has dropped from the car door. His face is unreadable.
"I know you probably don't feel the same way," you continue, the words tumbling out faster now, a dam that's finally broken. "And that's fine. That's... I mean, it's not fine, but I'll deal with it. I just couldn't keep pretending. I couldn't keep acting like everything was normal when it's not. Not for me."
The silence stretches for what feels like an eternity. When Jungwon finally speaks, his voice is careful. Measured. Like he's choosing every word with deliberate precision.
"Y/N... I think you're confused."
"I'm not confused."
"You've been through a lot lately. The stress of college, being back home, all the changes, it's natural to latch onto familiar feelings and mistake them for something else. But what you're feeling isn't-"
"Don't." Your voice comes out sharper than you intended. "Don't tell me what I'm feeling. I know what I feel. I've known for weeks. Maybe longer. Maybe I've known for years and I just didn't have the words for it until now."
"Y/N-"
"I like you, Jungwon. I want to be with you. Not as your childhood friend. Not as your sister figure. As a woman who wants to be with a man. That's what this is."
He flinches. Actually flinches, like the words have physically struck him. "You don't mean that."
"I do mean it. I've never meant anything more in my life."
"You can't-" He stops, runs a hand through his hair, a gesture of frustration that you've seen a thousand times. "You can't just say that. You can't just drop that on me and expect-"
"Expect what? For you to feel the same way? I already told you, I know you probably don't. But I had to say it. I had to be honest with you, because that's what we've always been. Honest. And I've been lying to you for weeks, and I couldn't do it anymore."
Jungwon is quiet for a long moment. When he speaks again, his voice is low, almost pained. "I can't return your feelings."
The words hit you like a physical blow. You knew they were coming. You prepared for them. But knowing and hearing are two different things, and the sound of them, the finality of them knocks the breath from your lungs.
"I don't see you that way," he continues. "I've never seen you that way. You're my best friend. You're the most important person in my life. But I can't...I don't-"
"You don't see me as a woman."
"I see you as Y/N. My Y/N. The person who's been by my side since I was six years old. And I can't risk that. I can't risk us."
"Risk us?" You hear your voice rising, the hurt transforming into something hotter. Something angrier. "What about the mixed signals? What about the way you held me in the lake? What about the convenience store, when you told that guy not to touch my hair because it was yours? What was that, Jungwon? Was that just friendship too?"
His jaw tightens. "That was different."
"Different how?"
"That was... I don't know. Instinct. I wasn't thinking."
"You weren't thinking." You laugh, but there's no humor in it. "Right. Of course. You never think. You just do things and say things and then pretend they don't mean anything. Just like the closet in high school. Just like my bedroom last week. Just like everything."
"That's not fair."
"Isn't it?" You step closer to him, your eyes blazing. "Let me ask you something. Honestly. Do you still have feelings for her? That girl? The one from the video call?"
Jungwon blinks, clearly thrown by the shift in topic. "What? No. I told you, I'm over that. She's with Heeseung. They're happy. I'm happy for them."
"Then what is it? If you're over her, and you're out there hooking up with other people, then what's so different about me? Why can't you see me the way you see them? Am I not attractive enough? Am I not-"
"Stop." His voice is sharp, sharper than you've ever heard it. "Don't do that. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. This isn't about you not being enough. This is about-"
"About what?"
"About the fact that you're the only thing in my life that's ever been mine!" The words burst out of him like a dam breaking, and suddenly he's not the calm, measured Jungwon anymore. His eyes are bright, his hands shaking slightly at his sides. "Do you understand that? You're it. You're the one thing I've always had. When my parents were fighting, when school was hell, when I was sitting in my dorm room at college feeling like I didn't belong anywhere, I always had you. You were always there. And I can't lose that. I can't."
"So you'd rather keep me as a friend than risk having me as something more?"
"Yes." The word is quiet but firm. "Yes. Because if we tried and it didn't work...if we broke up, if we hurt each other...I wouldn't just lose a girlfriend. I'd lose everything. I'd lose my best friend. I'd lose the person who knows me better than anyone. I'd lose fifteen years of history and memories and-" His voice cracks. "I can't do that. I won't."
"You're a coward," you say, and your voice comes out quieter than you expected. Softer. Almost sad.
Jungwon flinches. "Y/N-"
"No. You are. You're a coward. You've always been a coward. You liked that girl for months and never said anything, and someone else got to her first. And now you're doing the same thing again. You're so scared of losing what we have that you won't even consider the possibility of something more." You swallow hard, the tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. "You said you changed. You said after that whole situation, you decided to stop waiting and start living. But you haven't changed at all. You're still the same guy who waits too long and lets things slip away because he's too scared to take a risk."
"Please," he says, and his voice is raw, desperate. "Please don't do this. We can still be friends. We can go back to how things were. Nothing has to change."
"I don't want to be friends!" The words tear out of you, loud and broken. "That's the whole point! I don't want to be your friend anymore! I want to be more! I want you to look at me the way you looked at her! I want you to touch me like you mean it and not pretend it was nothing afterward! I want to be the person you think about when you can't sleep at night! But I'm not! I'm never going to be! Because you won't let me!"
Tears are streaming down your face now, hot and unstoppable. You don't bother wiping them away.
"I have been here," you say, your voice cracking. "I have been here for fifteen years. I was here when you failed your first math test. I was here when you got your heart broken for the first time. I was here when you needed someone to talk to at 3 AM. And I've been here this whole summer, watching you, wanting you, and you didn't even notice. You never notice."
Jungwon's face crumples. "I notice," he whispers. "I notice everything about you. That's the problem."
"Then what is it?" You step closer, your chest tight with frustration and hurt and the desperate need to understand. "You've been giving me mixed signals since I got back. The way you look at me. The way you touch me. The convenience store. The lake. Carrying me around in the water with your hands all over me. What am I supposed to think?"
"I wasn't...I didn't mean to..."
"Didn't mean to what? Lead me on? Make me think there was something there when there wasn't?"
Jungwon's face crumples, and for the first time in this conversation, he looks genuinely stricken. "I wasn't trying to lead you on. I was just... being myself. That's how I've always been with you."
"Maybe that's the problem." Your voice cracks, and you hate it. You hate that he's seeing you like this. "Maybe you've always been like this with me, and I've just been too blind to notice that it doesn't mean anything to you. But it means something to me. It means everything to me."
"Y/N..."
"You know what I hate the most?" You're crying, tears spilling down your cheeks, hot and uninvited. "I hate her. That girl from the video call. I hate her so much it makes me sick."
"That's not fair. She didn't do anything-"
"I know she didn't do anything! That's what makes it worse!" The words are pouring out of you now, unstoppable. "She didn't do anything except exist, and she still managed to change you. She's the reason you're like this now. She's the reason you decided to stop waiting and start living. She's the reason you bought condoms and hooked up with people and became this whole new version of yourself. And I...I've been here the whole time. I've been here for fifteen years, and I've never been able to make you look at me the way you looked at her."
"Y/N, please-"
"You've known her for what, a few months? And she got to have your heart. She got to be the one who changed you. And I've been here since we were kids, and I've never...I've never been anything more than your best friend.. The person you carry around and ruffle the hair of and tell all your secrets to, but never, ever look at the way I want you to."
The tears are falling faster now, and you can barely see his face through the blur. You wipe at your eyes furiously, angry at yourself for crying, angry at him for making you cry, angry at the whole stupid universe for putting you in this situation.
"I've always been here," you whisper. "I've always been yours. And you've never once seen me."
Jungwon's composure cracks. His eyes are wet, his jaw tight, his hands clenched at his sides like he's trying very hard to hold himself together and failing. When he speaks, his voice is raw in a way you've never heard before.
"You asked what she had that you don't? Nothing. She had nothing that you don't. But she was safe. She was someone I could have a crush on from a distance and then let go when it didn't work out. But you...you're not safe. You're not distant. You're under my skin and in my bones and wrapped around every part of who I am. And if I let myself feel what I'm afraid I might feel for you, and it goes wrong..."
He stops, his voice breaking. A tear slips down his cheek, and he doesn't bother to wipe it away.
"I can't lose you," he says quietly. "I would rather have you as a friend for the rest of my life than risk losing you entirely."
For a long moment, neither of you speaks. The street is quiet. The stars are starting to come out. And then you shake your head.
"We can figure this out. We can-"
"No. You don't get to have it both ways. You don't get to reject me and then ask me to stay exactly the same. That's not fair."
"Please." His voice cracks, and he reaches for your hand. "Please don't do this. You're too important to me. Our friendship is too important."
"Goodnight, Jungwon," you say.
"Y/N, wait-"
But you're already walking away. Already climbing the steps to your front porch. Already reaching for the door handle with hands that won't stop shaking.
You don't look back. You can't. If you look back, you'll break completely.
The front door closes behind you with a soft click, and you lean against it, pressing your palms to your face, and you let the tears come. All the tears you've been holding back for weeks. All the feelings you've been pretending not to have. They pour out of you in great, heaving sobs that shake your entire body.
You understand. God help you, you understand. He's scared. He's been scared his whole life, scared of losing people, scared of taking risks, scared of wanting something too much and having it slip through his fingers. He looks at you and sees everything he's afraid to lose, and instead of reaching for more, he's clinging to what he already has.
But understanding doesn't make it hurt less. Understanding doesn't fill the hollow ache in your chest or stop the tears from falling or make you forget the way his face looked when you walked away.
You don't know how long you sit there. The house stays quiet. The stars wheel overhead. And somewhere out there, on the street in front of your house, Jungwon is still standing by his car, staring at the door you just closed, hoping you'll come back out.
|warnings: porn with plot! Smut! Mdni! Unprotected sex, oral sex, mentions of drinking, jealous!won, rough sex, kind of switch Jungwon but not really, overstimulation, munch!won|
|synopsis: in which you ask your roommate to be your fake boyfriend to get some coworkers off your back, only for him to get real jealous when a certain coworker wonât leave you alone.|
|word count: 12k|
Asking your roommate to pretend to be your boyfriend for a work holiday party definitely wasnât the most awkward conversation on record for you, but it was up there. If there was a ranking it would easily make the top ten with the way Jungwonâs eyes bulge out of his head at your proposal. Proposal was generous, really you were begging him to agree after boasting about your nonexistent loving boyfriend in front of nosy coworkers.Â
Truthfully it wasnât meant to go this far, subtly mentioning you had a boyfriend was your way of getting one of your coworkers, Jay, to tone down the flirting. Jay was a nice guy, incredibly attractive, and a gentleman above all else. He had shown an interest in you for quite some time but you could never see him that way. You tried to dismiss him without being rude but he never did quite get the hint. Until today, that is, when the words, âI have a boyfriendâ slipped past your lips without considering the repercussions for a statement such as that.Â
By lunch your entire department knew of this boyfriend and you were being questioned to no end. Your coworkers didnât mean any harm, not really, your office building could get so boring and mundane on a Tuesday afternoon, what else is there to do but gossip? You managed to avoid certain questions until they practically begged you to bring him to the annual holiday party.Â
The entire drive home you considered every possible way out of this, you considered not going to the party altogether, feigning sickness or telling them your boyfriend was to spend the holidays with his family back home. Whilst believable, you knew the nosy older ladies in your office would only ask for pictures and more details afterward.Â
It wasnât until you got home, finding Jungwon sitting on the couch already in his pjs watching some old action movie, the kind that had cartoon-like sound effects and funny studio lighting, that the idea popped into your head. Anything after that was pure word vomit of this master plan that could possibly end up messier than it was worth.Â
âPlease, Jungwon, youâre my only hope! My only other close guy friends are Jake and Sunghoon. Jake works in the same office as me, everyone in our office has seen us together and no one is going to believe weâre dating. Itâll just be messier in the long run! And Sunghoon has a girlfriend!â You clasped your hands to your chest, pouting slightly to express the distress in your tone.Â
âWhy canât you just tell them your boyfriend canât make it?â He shook his head, leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees as if in deep thought.Â
âTheyâll only ask for pictures after, if I bring someone to the party with me thatâll be proof enough. They can meet you, ask whatever they want to ask. We just have to lie for one night and it will all die down after that. Please?âÂ
Jungwon looked up at you, his eyes studied your own and you can sense the hesitation in them. The two of you were not only roommates, youâve been very close friends for years. Your best friend from college, Sunoo, introduced you once you were looking to move into the city. You were searching for a place to stay and Sunoo knew his friend, Jungwon, was looking for a roommate. Everything worked out pretty well after that, you moved in and now here you were nearly three years later.Â
âI donât know y/n this could get complicated.â His eyebrows knitted together in that unfairly attractive way they always did when he was deep in thought. A characteristic you had hidden in that little folder in the back of your mind along with other things about Jungwon that you pretend not to notice.Â
âCome on, you have literally nothing to lose. You will never have to see these people again, if anyone has to deal with the consequences itâs me at work.âÂ
Jungwon looked over you again, noting the way your lips pushed outwards in an annoyingly adorable pout, he wished he could say no to you.Â
âFine, just one dumb holiday party.âÂ
The night of the party came by a lot faster than you were prepared for. With you being swamped at work and Jungwon constantly in and out of the studio, the two of you barely had any time to work out how you would go about this.Â
It seemed simple enough but you knew you had to at least come up with one solid storyline for this to be believable. Which is how you found yourself sitting in the passenger seat of Jungwon's car as he drove to the party, fingers tugging at the hem of your festive patterned sweater, asking the most ridiculous questions for the sake of preparing yourself for tonight.Â
âI donât think theyâre gonna ask us which side of the bed we sleep on, y/n.â He chuckled, gripping the steering wheel with his right hand as his left forearm rests on the door.Â
âYou donât know that! You are seriously underestimating how nosy some of my coworkers can be.âÂ
Jungwon shook his head, not bothering to hide the amused grin playing at his lips. âOkay, letâs just keep it simple, hmm? We met through a mutual friend, started off as roommates then friends and about letâs sayâŠfour months ago we started dating. If they ask why you havenât mentioned me before, just say you didnât want to say anything until you were sure we were serious. Weâre already best friends so we know a lot about each other, just stick as close to the truth as possible. Oh and I sleep on the right side of the bed, the one closest to the door. Always.âÂ
You couldnât help but stare at him in awe, he seemed so calm about this as if it was normal to pretend to be in a relationship with your best friend. Maybe you were over complicating things, surely this wouldnât be too different from your normal life, you and Jungwon were already very close, talking about him and acting comfortable around him is second nature to you.Â
âOkay, lets keep the pda to a minimum though, Iâll stand by your side, maybe you can place your hand on my back or hold my hand occasionally, we shouldnât over do it.â You added, nodding to yourself.Â
Jungwon raised an eyebrow in your direction, turning to face you momentarily before looking back onto the road. Without hesitation he switches the hand on the wheel, his left hand taking over and his now free right hand travels down to hold your own two hands that were still pulling at loose threads of your sweater. The sudden contact made you flinch, your eyes darting up to his in search of an explanation.Â
The corner of his lips lift upward into another amused smirk, âNo one is going to believe weâre boyfriend and girlfriend if you flinch every time I touch you.â He says matter-of-factly.Â
âI won't, I just wasnât expecting it.â You try to defend yourself. He squeezes your hand once.
âThatâs the point, baby.â He replies, the grin on his lips never faltering.Â
âBaby?â Your eyes widen again in shock although your mind is still very much aware of his hand still on yours.Â
âSorry, do you prefer princess? Maybe sweetheart? My love?â Jungwon laughs this time, slightly throwing his head back as he enters the parking garage for your building.Â
âVery funny.â You shove his hand off of you, crossing your arms over your chest.Â
âCome on, weâve got a long night to get through.â He pats your knee once as he parks into a spot. Heâs quick to get out of the car, walking over to your side to open your door and extend a hand out for you to take.Â
âYou ready, darling?â He winks as he throws another pet name at you just as you grab his hand. âBe good, Jungwon.âÂ
âThatâs Wonie to you.â He smiles again, turning to walk beside you with his hand placed comfortably on the small of your back as you walk into the building together.Â
The two of you make your way into the building, heading for the large conference room that was turned into a makeshift party room for the night. The team at HR helped decorate the room to make it feel as lively and inviting as four white walls and a bland carpeted floor could muster.Â
All eyes were on you the second you walked in. Well, really, they were on the man standing behind you. Jungwon was the kind of man to demand attention in any room he entered, regardless of who his real or pretend girlfriend was at the time.Â
You lasted all but fifteen seconds before the group of ladies standing around the refreshments table circled around you. âThere you are! y/n, this must be your boyfriend, introduce us!âÂ
Jungwon only smiles as you introduce him to the older women, his hand finds its way around your waist in an almost possessive manner.Â
âItâs so nice to meet you, Iâve heard so much about all of you.â Which is true, after countless nights coming home from work just to rant over a glass of wine with a very tired Jungwon, he didnât have to lie regarding that.Â
âWe havenât heard nearly enough about you! Tell us, how long have you been together?â Then came the flood of questions and comments,
âDo you two live together?âÂ
âWho asked who out first?âÂ
âYouâre such an attractive couple!â
âThe flowers you sent her last week were beautiful!âÂ
Jungwon's eyebrows perk up at the last comment, sparing a glance down to you in question. You had forgotten all about that, those flowers were one of the main reasons you found yourself in this mess. The beautiful array of roses had been an early Christmas gift from Jay, as printed on the small card placed neatly against the bouquet. No one had seen who they were from so you threw out the card, left your office to reject his affections once again in the nicest way possible just as you had several times before. Only this time you found yourself saying you had a boyfriend.Â
Jay was more than surprised, you had never even shown signs of having a partner before that day. You kept the flowers at your desk, not really knowing what to do with them and somehow that led to the entire office assuming you had a boyfriend as well.Â
One of the ladies from the front desk smiled, âYes, those roses were gorgeous, I saw when they got delivered. They got to her office before she did in the morning.âÂ
Jungwon grinned but slowly shook his head, âIâm sure they were but Iâm afraid I canât take credit for those. I wasnât the one to send her those flowers, if I was I wouldâve known to send her hydrangeas, those are her favorite.â He squeezes at your waist, pulling you closer as a sign of affection in front of the others.Â
The ladies swooned momentarily, as did you before you caught yourself. Your eyes widened, right hand coming up to rest against his chest as you smiled up at him adoringly. You had mentioned it in passing surely, living together for almost three years thereâs a lot he probably knows about you that you donât realize and vice versa. Still, the casual mention of your favorite flower along with his nearly imperceptible possessive tone is enough to make your breath hitch.Â
âWell, if that wasn't you then who was it?âÂ
You shrug, âNot sure, they were beautiful though. But Jungwonâs right, heâs always gotten me hydrangeas, I instantly knew they werenât from him.â The lie spills past your lips all too easily just as you notice Jay walking up to you, a drink in one hand as his other rests in his pocket.Â
âI donât believe weâve been introduced, Iâm Jay.â He holds his hand out before Jungwon, plastering an award winning grin on his face. You had given Jungwon the run down on Jay and his flirtations so he was more than prepared for this interaction.Â
âNice to meet you man, Iâm Jungwon.â He shakes his hand, matching his smile without ever letting go of your waist. Some of the ladies had dispersed now, making small talk conversation around you whilst still being within earshot.Â
âHey, I hope you donât mind me keeping your girl late some nights, that Taiwan proposal was very demanding, I wouldnât have been able to do it without her.â Jayâs expression is charming but his tone is striking, you hadnât expected him to play it like this. Jay had always been a gentleman toward you, sure a bit insistent with this flirting but he had never crossed a line as broadly as this before.Â
Jungwon doesnât seem phased, almost like he was expecting this from the start, his grin only widens.Â
âDonât worry about it, my girl is the best at what she does. I don't blame you for asking for her help.â He smirks at him, you can feel the way Jungwonâs fingers flex against your hip. âAnd besides, it worked out perfect on nights Iâd get back late from the studio. Usually I get home way later than her so on those rare chances we get home at the same time, we definitely take advantage to spend more time together before bed. I should be thanking you, really.â The innuendo isnât missed on either of you, the smirk on Jungwonâs face says it all.Â
You have to hold back a laugh as Jayâs jaw clenches, his grip on his glass tightens. In contrast, Jungwon looks the picture of calm. âYou want a drink, baby?â He turns to look at you but your eyes are already on him. He waits for you to nod before turning back to Jay, âIf youâll excuse us.â
The two of you manage to find a table after grabbing some wine, taking a seat next to each other. You cross your legs, turning to face Jungwon just as his hand casually comes to rest over your legs, holding you in place. This proximity and casual touching was becoming more and more normal as time went on.
âThat was perfect.â You whispered to him with a smile. You turned, expecting him to be smiling with you but instead his jaw was set, eyes focused on one corner of the room. You follow his eyes, finding Jay conversing with another associate from a different department.Â
âWhatâs wrong?âÂ
âThatâs the asshole that wonât leave you alone?â His voice is quiet but stern.Â
âHeâs not all bad, really. Heâs usually more composed than that, I really donât know where that came from.â Itâs true, Jay's sudden change of character upon seeing you with Jungwon was unexpected. He had always been so kind and proper you wouldnât have guessed heâd be the type of guy to subtly challenge someone's boyfriend.Â
âLooks pretty bad from where Iâm sitting. He ever make you feel uncomfortable?â His eyes turn to you then, all serious and protective you almost let yourself fall into the immersive role of him being the jealous boyfriend.Â
You shake your head, âNothing like that, he gets flirty but itâs never inappropriate. Iâve tried shutting him down before but itâs my fault for not being as stern as I shouldâve been. Thatâs why I told him I had a boyfriend, I thought he would surely back off then.âÂ
âAny respectable guy can tell when a woman isnât into him, if he was as kind as you say he wouldâve taken the first hint and it wouldnât have had to go this far. Now heâs threatening me, knowing Iâm your boyfriend.â He takes a sip of his wine then, his sharp jawline poking out as he swallows down the scarlet liquid.Â
Boyfriend. Not fake boyfriend, just boyfriend. He said it so definitively, you couldnât bring yourself to correct him.Â
âHe crossed a line, letâs just hope he gets the hint now, yeah?â Jungwon nods in agreement, hand squeezing your knee softly in reassurance.Â
The night seems to go by pretty quickly after that, you converse with some coworkers, Jungwon constantly at your side while you do, occasionally jumping into the conversation whenever prompted to.Â
It was about an hour before midnight, most people had gone home by then, you and Jungwon found yourselves talking to Jake about some mutual friends you have when Jungwon received a phone call.Â
âOne second, baby, itâs Heeseung from the studio. I'll be right back.â He informs, pressing a fleeting kiss to the side of your head before walking out into the hallway. You almost freeze at the contact, despite him having his arm around you all night, the kiss was unexpected. You recovered quickly though as Jake continued the conversation as though everything was normal, though you guess for him it was.Â
The silence of the hallway provided Jungwon a moment to speak with Heeseung, he called about an upcoming meeting and new deadlines for a client. A new artist theyâre working with requested a change in their sound, this would set back their work by at least a week. Jungwon ran a hand through his hair, groaning at the news. âYeah, yeah, thatâs fine Iâll stay late tomorrow if I have to. Weâll scrap what we got. Cool, thanks.âÂ
The call ends and just as Jungwon is about to turn back into the conference room he finds Jay leaning against the wall with a glass of some dark liquor in his hand.
âHey man, look I donât like getting involved in stuff but I just wanted to let you know man to man,â Jungwon raised an eyebrow in question at the man, who clearly looked like he had one drink too many, âYour girl has been flirting with me for a while, I mean sheâs clearly into me. She only told me she had a boyfriend a couple days ago. Just looking out man, who knows what wouldâve happened between us if she had never mentioned you.â The smirk on the man's face tells Jungwon exactly what he thinks would have happened.Â
An ugly, angry, feeling stems deep in Jungwonâs chest, he feels his jaw clench. If only Jay knew how you would have never allowed that, how he would never allow that.Â
âIs that so? Because what I heard is that you have continued to bother my girlfriend despite her telling you over and over again that sheâs not interested. She didnât tell you about me because itâs none of your business, she only chose to tell you hoping youâd finally get the hint but it seems you still donât get it, huh?â Jungwon stares him down, eyeing the drink in his hand and how Jay clutches the glass.Â
âIf youâll excuse me I have to get back to my girlfriend, I would appreciate it if you left her alone from now on but hey, thanks for looking out.â Jungwon walks past him with a grin, patting his shoulder as he does.Â
Back inside the room, he returns to your side instantly, jumping right back into the conversation between you and Jake like he never left.
Another half hour or so passes before you squeeze Jungwon's arm, deciding to call it a night. âWe should go, Jungwonâs got work tomorrow and Iâm getting pretty tired, right, love?â You look up at him with pleading eyes and Jungwon only smiles warmly in return, nodding.Â
âYeah we should head home. Jake, man, it was really great to meet you, Iâve heard great things, we should meet again.â He goes to shake his hand which your coworker happily takes, âLikewise, we should all get drinks one night, Iâll introduce you to my friend Riki. I think you two would really get along.â Jungwon nods happily and you bid your goodbyes to the rest of them.Â
Jungwon doesnât let go of you the entire walk to his car, opening the door for you and only letting go once you sit down.Â
âI donât like that Jay guy, youâll let me know if he bothers you again, yeah?â He says after a few moments of silence on the drive home.Â
âI donât think he will but yes I promise I will let you know if he does. Is everything okay, did he say something else to you?â You study him, the way he grips the steering wheel with both hands he clearly looks bothered by something.Â
He hesitates, you can pinpoint the exact moment his body slightly tense and his jaw clenches. âItâs not important, I think he finally got the hint but if he says anything or makes you feel uncomfortable just let me know.â You nod along, knowing better than to argue with Jungwon when he gets like this.Â
When his voice drops an octave or two and his eyebrows strain together in a focused gaze, he was so stern like this and itâs very rare he used that tone on you so you werenât about to push your luck.Â
âIâll tell you, I promise.â You reach over the center console to softly squeeze his arm in assurance. Jungwon tenses under your touch, feeling the ugly feeling from earlier return deep in the pit of his stomach. He wasnât sure what to call it yet and he was still trying to decide whether he liked it or not.
The following weeks after the holiday party were shadowed by a tense cloud that seemed to hover over your shared apartment with Jungwon. Heâs been working day in and day out thanks to changes with their client and the label. You barely saw him at all, sometimes youâd cook dinner and leave him a sticky note on the fridge, if you were lucky youâd wake up to a missing tupperware and a response on the same note stating, âthank you.âÂ
You werenât much better off either, you were tasked to work on another proposal with Jay for an international deal that was currently putting you through the ringer. If the stress of the workload wasnât enough, working with Jay now was no walk in the park. He was less flirty than before but even now you continue to catch him staring at you with dark eyes. Itâs a bit unsettling, the other day you hadnât realized your skirt had ridden up slightly until you felt the burn on his gaze onto your skin.Â
He also continues to ask about your reservation for the company gala coming up, surely wanting to know if Jungwon will be there. Each time he asks, you avoid the question, you havenât mentioned the gala to Jungwon and you donât intend to. Heâs been so busy with work thereâs no way you would bother him with your nonsense right now, you were sure to survive one night without him.Â
With the gala just over a week away work was piling and deadlines were nearing. Thankfully you had somehow managed to leave the office at a reasonable time today, slipping into the elevator before Jay could keep you later under the guise of unnecessary modifications for your proposal. It was only 6:30pm by the time you got home, the earliest youâve returned all week.Â
You hadnât expected to find Jungwon in the kitchen, serving himself some pizza he happened to buy from your favorite place.Â
âWhoa, hey, youâre back early. Good you can eat while itâs still hot.â He greets you with a smile, despite barely seeing each other since the party there was no awkward tension between you. Things may have gotten quiet around you but never awkward, Jungwon wouldnât let that happen.Â
The smell of the fresh pizza was enough to have you drooling before you finished taking off your shoes. Jungwon was already serving you a plate along with a soda. He set your plates down on the dining table, waiting for you before taking a bite of his slice.Â
âHow was work?â He breaks the silence first. âExhausting, Iâm all over the place recently.â You sigh, biting into the pizza.Â
âIs that why you forgot to mention the gala your company is hosting?â He raises an eyebrow at you, smirking slightly due to the look of surprise on your face.Â
âHow did you know about that?âÂ
âI bumped into Jake yesterday, he mentioned the gala and said youâve been so busy with your project that you havenât submitted your rsvp so he just marked you down for a plus one, he said he expected to see me there.â The look on his face tells you heâs not at all bothered by this information but still you find yourself wanting to apologize.Â
âJungwon, I am so sorry I dragged you into this, Iâll come up with some excuse, Iâll say you got sick or had to go into work.â Youâre already shaking your head, coming up with a dozen different believable excuses so Jungwon wonât have to be involved again. You had promised this ruse would only be for one night, that was all he agreed to.
But Jungwon was already shaking his head before you could finish your sentence, âWhy would you do that? Your boyfriend should attend this gala, I hear you might get an award.âÂ
Boyfriend, once again missing the âfakeâ in front of it. And once again you donât find yourself correcting him.
âJake really told you everything, huh?â You scoffed to which Jungwon only nodded, âYup, wish it wouldâve come from you though. Were you not planning on inviting me?âÂ
âJungwon, our agreement was that you pretended to be my boyfriend for the holiday party, remember? I donât think we need to continue, they know you exist, they saw you once, thatâs enough.âÂ
The brunette across from you hums, âIs that Jay guy still bothering you?âÂ
You hesitate, teeth pressing down on your lower lip before you speak, âNot really.âÂ
âThatâs a yes, Iâm going. My job clearly isnât done if that guy still thinks he has a chance with you.âÂ
It was decided then, Jungwon left no room to argue. The following week passed and before you knew it you were slipping into a beautiful dark floor length gown. You stared at your reflection in the mirror, trying to zip up the rest of your dress but not being able to reach on your own. Your hair and makeup were already set, jewelry highlighting your soft skin.Â
Jungwon was waiting for you in the living room, he had been ready for at least thirty minutes now but he knew better than to rush you.Â
Accepting defeat you huff, holding the dress in place before calling out his name in the quiet of your apartment. Almost instantly, three soft knocks are heard at your bedroom door.Â
âCome in, I canât zip this up, could you help me?â You ask just as the door creaks open. Jungwon all but freezes at your doorway, eyes sliding down the length of your body and your exposed back. You felt a heat wash over yourself under the heavy weight of his gaze.Â
âJungwon?â Your tone was breathless, not wanting to disturb whatever hovered in the distance between you. Jungwon cleared his throat, taking soft hesitant steps toward you before standing behind you. Your eyes meet his through the reflection of your full body mirror. He doesnât say a word as his fingers trail down the length of your back, tracing the zipper until they grasp the end. His eyes follow the zipper as he closes it, watching the pieces of fabric connect to cover your soft skin. Once itâs fully closed you adjust your hair back, letting it drape down your back.Â
âThank you.â Your voice is shaky, youâre sure he catches it too but he doesnât say anything about it. âYou look beautiful.â As if compelled to do so, Jungwon presses a soft kiss to your bare shoulder, surprising himself just as much as you.Â
âThank you, you look handsome tonight.â Jungwon was an attractive man, so attractive that you almost refused the offer to move in with him because you knew you wouldnât be able to put that aside. Itâs very rare that he dresses up like this though, suit and tie with his hair styled neatly in a way that exposes his forehead. His lips curved into a shy smile at your complement, hand coming down to squeeze your waist before taking a step back. The newfound distance provides you with room to breathe.Â
âReady to go?â You nod along and soon thereafter the two of you find yourself in an extravagant ballroom. Your company hosts this gala every year to honor its associates and partners. This year in particular you and Jay were nominated for an award for your work on the Taiwan deal. It was a high honor and whilst you were incredibly grateful, you werenât prepared to share a table with Jay because of it.Â
The seating charts had you and Jungwon in a large round table along with Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon with his girlfriend. Sunghoon didnât directly work for your company but he was a representative for a loyal partnering company. You have worked together so often at this point you consider him a friend just as you did Jake. You have met his girlfriend, Sooha, a couple times too so seeing her was always a plus.Â
âJungwon, y/n! Nice to see you guys.â Jake smiled, standing up from his seat to greet you. Jungwon keeps one hand on the small of your back, the other shakes Jake's hand. âGreat to see you again, Jake.âÂ
âSunghoon, Sooha, this is my boyfriend, Jungwon. Jungwon, this is Sunghoon and his girlfriend.â You introduce them, greeting the two kindly. Sooha smiles at you and gives you a brief hug as the men shake hands.Â
âHello, Jay, you know Jungwon.â You force your lips into a tight smile. Jay nods, lifting his glass in greeting. The six of you find your seats again, Sunghoon starting a conversation instantly about some new project his company is starting but the work talk only lasts a couple minutes before Sooha leans closer to you, tilting her lips up in a smirk.Â
âYou look gorgeous tonight, you two make an attractive couple.â Sooha smiles at you. A warmth colors your cheeks, âThank you, thatâs kind of you. Iâm glad I could finally introduce him to you guys.âÂ
Sunghoon turns to look at you then, âMe too, I canât lie I was a little surprised, I didnât know you were seeing anyone.â Sooha nods in agreement, âYeah me neither, I had no idea.âÂ
âOh you werenât the only one.â Jay adds, his tone is bitter as he lifts his glass to his lips, eyes elsewhere. You can feel Jungwon tense beside you, out of reflex your hand rests over his own on the table.Â
âOh come on, I wasnât surprised. With all due respect, y/n is stunning. I knew there was no way she was single, respectfully of course.â Jake shares, his eyes travel to Jungwonâs as if showing he meant no harm, to which Jungwon chuckles. âItâs alright, I know sheâs gorgeous, I got lucky, I know Iâm not the first one to try and I wonât be the last but Iâm the one thatâs lucky enough to be with her so.â The table erupts into light laughter, all but Jay who forces his lips into a tight smile.Â
âWell said.â Sooha compliments, taking a sip of her wine. Sunghoon nods, placing his arm around the back of Soohaâs chair. The conversation flows easy after that for everyone but Jay who seems to observe more than partake in the topic of discussion. His eyes find their way back to you or to Jungwon's hands on you.Â
After some time you spot an associate across the room that you had been meaning to talk to, you excuse yourself and invite Jungwon along with you to introduce him. Jungwon follows behind you with no hesitation, reaching the associate and greeting her with a smile. You jump into conversation with her, asking her something about her daughter's recital but Jungwon could not look away from the bar where Jay had travelled to. Jay was shamelessly checking you out, eyes trailing down the length of your body and Jungwon hated it.Â
He took a step closer to you, wrapping an arm around your waist, careful not to disturb your conversation. Jay doesnât look away which only fuels Jungwon's annoyance. He hated this, the ugly feeling he felt during the holiday party was returning in the pit of his stomach. His jaw clenched and his fingers flexed against your dress.Â
This felt almost like a challenge of sorts, like Jay was pushing Jungwon to see how far he could go, how much he could get away with. It angered Jungwon to no end, he knew he was the possessive type, the feeling of jealousy was one he was familiar with when in love. He has always been like this in past relationships but of course it was never a feeling he experienced towards you.Â
This was new and uncharted territory for him. When your associate excused herself, leaving just the two of you standing there, Jungwon didnât hesitate before leaning down to press a kiss to your shoulder, then another one to your temple. You feel your cheeks blush as the contact, âJungwon?âÂ
âHe hasnât stopped looking at you, not since we walked in.â He whispered softly into your ear, to anyone else it would paint the scene of two lovers sharing a sweet moment. But his tone took you by surprise, he didnât sound like a friend looking out for you, he truly sounded like a jealous boyfriend who was just seconds away from claiming whatâs his.
âIs he looking now?â You whisper back, not daring to look up on your own. Jungwon nods, âMhm.âÂ
With that you turn around in his hold to face him, âDance with me?â You lead him into the dance floor where other couples danced slowly together. Jungwon was quick to place his hands around your waist, pulling you close so you had no choice but to wrap your arms around his neck.Â
âThis is new.â You tease in a whisper. Jungwon laughs, âVery. But I like it.â You nod in agreement, letting Jungwon guide you in a slow dance. âI donât like the way he looks at you.â He confesses softly into the air between you, holding his breath after as if he had just admitted his darkest secret.Â
You let his words sink in for a moment, considering all the different meanings if only influenced by a different context. If only this werenât a facade meant to fool everyone around you. If only Jungwon wasnât pretending to be your jealous boyfriend. If only this were real.Â
âI donât like it either, but Iâm not thinking about that right now.â Your breath hitches at your own words, eyes lifting up to meet his. Jungwon studies you for a moment, eyes dropping to your lips for just a second. âWhat are you thinking about?â The tone of his voice is heavy with some kind of emotion you have never heard from him before, there is something heated lying just beneath the surface but before you can dive into it, the music lowers as an announcer comes up to a podium asking everyone to return to their seats for the award ceremony.Â
Jungwon has to bite back a groan, offering his hand to you to guide you back to your table where your coworkers had already returned to. Sitting next to you in silence after your moment in the dancefloor was slowly killing him inside, he needed to hear what you were gonna say to him, he needed to know how you felt right now.Â
All the while awards are being handed out, Jungwon canât help but feel his entire world spin on its axis, he feels as though everything is on the brink of falling apart.Â
You werenât much better, your nerves should be targeted for your nomination, you should be thinking about what youâre going to say if you win, who will you thank. But instead youâre thinking about how Jungwon looked at you, how his jaw clenched when Jay looked at you. You can still feel his touch on your skin despite him not touching you since you sat down.Â
The beating of your heart is all you can hear, your thoughts are screaming at you to pull Jungwon aside and talk to him, to settle whatever is changing between the two of you. Perhaps itâs the atmosphere, the drinks, the fake relationship youâre currently showing off to everyone in your company. All of these things could be getting to you, making you see things that arenât there, feel things you shouldn't feel.Â
Your own pulse inside your ears is so loud you almost miss them calling your name for the award. Jungwon recovers faster than you, clapping and smiling at you like the proud boyfriend heâs pretending to be. Sunghoon and Sooha along with everyone else in the room cheer for you and Jay as the two of you get up to claim your award at the podium.Â
Jay offers his hand to help you up the steps in your heels, you take it hesitantly even as your eyes instantly find Jungwons, almost as if you were asking for permission. Everything about tonight is so strange, since when do you look to Jungwon for approval for anything?Â
Jay takes the award and steps up to the microphone, âThank you so much, I could not have done it without my beautiful partner here. All those long nights really paid off, it was all worth it for the success of the company and for this, thank you.â He steps back, allowing you to take his place.Â
Just as you were about to speak, you feel Jay place his hand on the small of your back. The podium and your bodies hide the action from the audience but Jungwon doesnât miss the way your eyes slightly widen and how your body tenses under the lights.Â
You quickly take a step forward, âThank you for this award, we are very grateful and honored. I want to thank our team and everyone that assisted us with this project, thank you to Jay for being a reliable business partner. And I want to thank my boyfriend, Jungwon, for keeping me sane when work was driving me up a wall and for waiting for me at home after all those long nights.â Laughter erupts in the hall, coworkers and partners alike are all amused with your speech but your eyes are only on Jungwon.Â
You chose your words carefully, making it clear to everyone, but mainly Jay, that once again you were not interested in anyone other than the brunette sitting at your table next to Jake. Jungwon smiles at you though his shoulders are straight and his eyes are attentive, laced with a possessiveness that pours out of him the longer he has to watch Jay stand next to you.Â
Jay attempted to guide you back to your table with his hand hovering at your back but you walk fast enough to stay just ahead of him so he wouldnât touch you. Jungwon catches on quickly, standing from his seat to take your hand and pressing a loving kiss to your temple, your table claps at the display of affection.Â
âCongratulations.â He whispers to you, smiling as he helps you take your seat again.Â
âDid he touch you?â He leaned in close to whisper the question in a volume only you could hear, to others it appeared as those he was simply whispering sweet nothings to his lover, but you felt the seriousness of his tone. Your eyes met his and you gave him an almost imperceptible nod.Â
Jungwon's eyes flared and his jaw clenched, you were half convinced he would stand up and punch Jay right then and there. But Jungwon wasnât a violent person, he was possessive and stern but never violent. So he just takes a deep breath through his nose, hand resting over your own on the table.Â
You leaned in, breath fanning his ear sending goosebumps down his body, âNightâs almost over.â Realistically he knew your words were meant to calm him, but he couldnât help but feel anxious like there was still much to unfold. Deep down he knew the night was far from over.Â
Surely enough, he was right. Dinner and more drinks were served throughout the ballroom. You and Jungwon had done your rounds talking to your coworkers and business partners around the room. Jungwon had made it his mission to keep you as far away from Jay as physically possible when away from the table.Â
The event was coming to a close when your CEO called for everyone's attention for a closing speech. Back at your table with the others it was hard to ignore Jay's eyes on you, you could feel the way his glance travelled down the length of your exposed skin. Clearly having had one too many drinks on him he was failing to conceal his attention on you. This only fueled the man sitting next to you, his anger rising by the second.Â
Surely this was past the point of a concerned friend or a pretend jealous boyfriend. Jungwon's jealousy seemed real, more real than you were willing to admit because that realization caused a completely different one to spur from the pit of your stomach. You liked it. You liked that he was jealous, liked the way his hold on you tightened whenever he felt Jay looking your way, relished in the way his jaw clenched in frustration as a way to hold back whatever he truly wanted to say in the moment.Â
A thrill went up your spine as it dawned on you, you liked seeing Jungwon get possessive with you. Without realizing it, your eyes trained on his jaw, watching as it clenched and unclenched before drifting down to his tense shoulders and calculated breathing. Almost immediately you found yourself crossing your legs and squeezing your thighs together to subside the sudden ache between your thighs. You never thought jealousy could look so attractive on a person. Although itâs not just any person, itâs Jungwon, your Jungwon. As an already extremely attractive man, seeing him with his jealous eyes and tense posture just made him down right devastating. Enough to soak your panties through if you didnât know any better.Â
And apparently you didn't.Â
The crowd applauded as your CEO wished everyone a good night and thanked them for coming. Sunghoon and Sooha were the first to say their goodbyes at your table.Â
âJungwon, it was good to finally meet you. We should meet up again soon, the four of us should grab dinner.â He smiled, his arm wrapped lovingly over Soohas shoulder. Jungwon smiled and nodded, hand at the small of your back. âAbsolutely, weâll plan something soon.âÂ
âExcluding me already, I met you first.â Jake fake pouts at Jungwon who only chuckles whilst shaking his head. âUp to you if you want to third wheel a double date.â The group laughs, promising to make plans for the future, Sunghoon and Sooha are the first to walk away with Jake following not far behind.Â
You send a small nod towards Jay and youâre just about to turn to walk away when Jungwon stops you, âHold on, wait right here.â He grins before turning back to Jay. You watch as he shakes his hand and steps closer to him, saying something that you canât quite make out. You watch as Jayâs face drops, eyes dropping to the ground and Jungwon steps back with that same easy grin on his face. Within moments heâs back beside you.
âWhat was that?â He only shakes his head at you, âDonât worry about it, he shouldnât be bothering you anymore.â Youâre not sure what he means by that but at this moment you donât think you want to find out.Â
Jungwon has his arm wrapped around you, not even bothering to look in Jays direction before turning to you. âReady to go home?â The way he says it sends a shock right to your core, the heat that was building in between your thighs all night suddenly becoming unbearable.Â
âLetâs go home.â Jungwon stares down at you as you say it, a warmth spread through his chest, he nearly has to hold back a grunt at the way you look up at him so innocently as if you have no idea what youâre doing to him. He nods in response, tightening his hold around you before leading you back to his car.Â
The drive back home reminded you of the night of the Holiday party. The air around you was tense and slightly awkward but tonight there was also a hint of something else. It was hot, regardless of the AC being on, you were feeling more and more frustrated with every red light. You just needed to get home, to do what exactly? You werenât sure, maybe a cold shower was enough to remind you that this was all fake and however you were seeing Jungwon at this moment isnât real.Â
The silence is suffocating and Jungwon could practically feel the heat radiating off your body. It was killing him to focus on the road when all he wanted to do was admire you sitting there in his car, in that stunning dress, all while trying to discreetly press your thighs together even though Jungwon had caught it the first time you did it back at the table. It took everything in him to not react, it was even more trying now with him gripping onto the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.Â
You were in his car, in that dress, and turned on and it was killing him to not be able to touch you. He needed some form of a distraction, he would take anything at this point if it meant he would be able to stop thinking about your pretty thighs squeezing together for him underneath your dress.Â
âIâm sorry about Jay, I guess I downplayed it more than I realized.â You spoke first. Jungwon wasnât really wanting to think about that either, it raised another kind of emotion in him that he was still getting used to with you. A lot of things were changing tonight evidently.Â
âYeah, a lot more. I donât like him.â Jungwon's response is short and calculated, he didnât want to say anything too forward while his thoughts were still elsewhere.Â
You laughed at that, shaking your head which brought his gaze over to you for just a moment. The stress lining the space above his eyebrows eases at the sight of your smile, he canât help but smile softly in return.Â
âOh really? I couldnât tell. You were staring at him all night like you wanted to kill him, if I didnât know any better Iâd say you were-â You stop yourself, realizing if you finished that sentence the light hearted conversation would go right back to the tense atmosphere you were just in. But it was too late for that, Jungwon wasnât about to let that go unnoticed.Â
âIf you didnât know any better what? Finish that.â His voice is stern now but still kind, he still used that soft tone he reserved for you but his words convinced you that he was not playing around anymore.
You look at him, studying his side profile as he makes it a point to stare straight ahead, not daring to turn away from the road for even a second. You were almost home, what were the chances you could stall until he pulled into your apartment building?Â
A moment passed, you were getting closer and closer to your apartment but Jungwon didnât push further. He didnât ask again like he knew you would answer the first time.Â
âIf I didnât know any better I would say you were actually jealous tonight.â You responded just as he pulled into your building parking garage. You hear Jungwon let out a breath, his grip tightens on the while but he doesnât say anything until he fully parks the car, turning the engine off and granting the two of you just a moment of silence.Â
âAnd if I was?â Your breath nearly gets caught in your throat. You werenât fully expecting that, sure there was that tiny hopeful voice in your head that believed he might be even just slightly as affected as you have been all night but you didnât actually believe it to be true.Â
âI mean, I would have no reason to be, right? Because this is fake?â He asks aloud before you can respond to his first statement. The question sets you back, you blink at him without knowing what to say. Jungwon doesnât give you a second to dwell on it, he opens the door and gets out of the car, already fishing into his pockets for the apartment keys and waiting for you.Â
Without Jungwon in the car you allow your confusion to display on your face for just a moment before following him. Jungwon is waiting for you but clearly keeping a distance between the two of you as you begin to walk towards the elevators. Being in this enclosed space with him now was nervewracking, you didnât know what to say to that. Technically he was right, there was no reason for him to get jealous because this was all pretend, you two werenât actually dating. But then again, that hasnât stopped you from swooning over him since the holiday party.Â
Youâre practically holding your breath the entire elevator ride, looking down at your heels. All that could be heard was that awkward elevator music and surely the pounding of your heart. Jungwon barely waits for the doors to fully open before heâs walking out the doors, he already has his keys in his hand.Â
To his credit, he looks back to make sure youâre still behind him before he opens the door and steps inside, holding it for you as well. You step inside your apartment, watching as Jungwon silently locks the door before slipping out of his shoes with ease. You lean against the entryway wall to fiddle with the strap of your heels. The shakiness of your hands isnât helping you at this moment, sighing with a huff as the strap keeps slipping from your hold.Â
Jungwon, who was already in the kitchen with a cold bottle of water in hand, turns to look at you with an almost wounded expression. He watches you fight with your heel strap for another moment before silently walking over to you and kneeling before you. With the gentlest touch youâve ever felt, Jungwon slowly lifts your foot to rest on his knee and carefully undoes the strap before switching to the other one.Â
You watch in shock and awe, holding your breath as you watch him remove your heel, placing it softly on the ground but still not letting go of your ankle. You watch him, unblinking, as he turns his head back to your foot. His eyes trail the length of your leg, peeking at the bit of exposed thigh under your dress, up your hips and waist until his eyes finally meet yours. Without looking away from your eyes, Jungwon leans down to press a kiss to the inside of your ankle, rubbing the area softly before setting your foot back on the ground.Â
All the air in your lungs was surely knocked out of you after that, your heart rate is now a concerning speed but you canât bring yourself to look away from him.Â
âI was jealous and possessive, in a way I probably shouldnât have been. Iâm sorry.â He whispered, still kneeling on the ground in front of you. His left hand softly caressed the side of your knee over your dress, sighing quietly. This was unexpected in a way that sent a wave of pure heat straight down to your core. You reached a hand down to run your fingers through his hair, holding onto his jaw to tilt his head up.Â
âItâs ok, won, it felt real to me too.â You smiled once he leans into your touch, closing his eyes gently as if he was taking advantage of this moment, not wanting to forget it. You gently guide him back up to stand in front of you, Jungwon doesnât dare look away from you right now. âI liked being with you like that, I liked having your arm around me and dancing with you. It was nice.â You admit into the quiet of your shared apartment. Jungwon smiles as he looks down for a moment, nodding in agreement.Â
âMe too. I noticed it the first night, during the holiday party but I ignored it. I donât want to ignore it anymore, baby.â His confession has your heart skipping a beat in the most cliche way possible. You smile up at him, âMe neither.âÂ
Jungwon gives himself a moment to admire your features, admire the way youâre looking at him right now with a look in your eyes he had never seen before. He smiles, taking a step closer before cupping your jaw with his hands and leaning forward to press a soft but meaningful kiss to your lips. Your lips mold together perfectly like they were always meant to tangle together as they are now.Â
In nearly three years of living with Jungwon, youâd be lying if you said you never considered what it would be like to kiss him. You thought about it many times actually, more times than you would ever admit out loud. But none of those daydreams or fantasies could ever compare to the real thing. You were starting to understand that Jungwon was a very possessive person in every aspect of his life, including when it came to kissing you. His kiss wasnât just loving or passionate, it was claiming. His hands had travelled to round your waist, one hand sliding up your back which sends goosebumps down your spine.Â
He tilted his head to kiss you deeper, his tongue slipping past your soft lips to claim the inside of your mouth. You had never been kissed like this, it was breathtaking and earth shattering. It was that type of kiss you thought only existed in the movies or those romantic books you read and tell everyone theyâre just fantasy.Â
After a couple more breathless moments the two of you slowly pull away to take a breath, Jungwon studies your reaction, admiring the blush on your cheeks and the eyes your eyes seem like theyâre struggling to focus.Â
âThat was-âÂ
âYeah.âÂ
The two of you smile before chuckling together, Jungwon takes a step back, looking you up and down before speaking again. âJust so weâre clear, this means something to me, I want to take you out on an official date and I want to try this with youâŠbut I also want to take you back to my room right now and take care of you.âÂ
You smile at his words and let out a breathless sigh before nodding, âI want that too.â He smiles at you with that warm smile that never fails to make you swoon. âGood.â He nods once before heâs pulling you in again by the waist, crashing his lips to your this time with more urgency than before. He starts walking you backwards without pulling his lips from yours, guiding you back towards his bedroom without ever breaking the kiss.Â
One clumsy turn has him backing into a wall, groaning softly against your mouth. You gasp and then stifle your giggle with your hand, pulling away to make sure he was okay. He shakes his head, masking his embarrassment by muttering a quick, âFuck itâ under his breath and scoopping you into his arms. He picks you up bridal style, walking quickly over to his room and kicking the door closed behind him as he sets you back down on the floor.
He turns you around swiftly, having you face the wall with your hands coming up to brace yourself at the feeling of his touch wandering the length or your back and waist.Â
âYou look so beautiful, baby. Tell me I can take this off of you..â He whispers against your skin, leaving kisses down the back of your shoulder. His fingers toy with the zipper of your dress, the same one he helped close earlier in the night.Â
âPlease.â You whimper, pressing your forehead against the wall to try to calm your breathing. Your teeth dig into your bottom lip with a sigh once you feel Jungwon's fingers pull the zipper down at a tortuously slow pace. Jungwon has to hold his breath the more skin he reveals with his actions, he tries not to groan at the sight of your matching bra and underwear set, a striking color against your skin that has him drooling before he can even really get his hands on you. He carefully pushes the straps of the dress off your shoulders until the material drops and pools at your feet.Â
He curses under his breath at the sight of your nearly naked body, his left hand comes down to slide past your waist onto your ass, groaning at the feeling of your soft skin. The curve of your ass attracts him to no end but before he could drop to his knees to worship you how he knows you deserve, you turn around to face him. Instantly his eyes come up to your cleavage before dropping down to the front of your panties, biting back a groan.Â
âFuck, baby. Youâre stunning.â He compliments, eyes trailing back up to meet yours with no rush at all. You smile, pushing down a blush that you know is already painting your cheeks. Without saying another word, Jungwon watches in awe as you sink to your knees before him. Hands sitting pretty across your lap as you look up at him with those beautiful eyes of yours. Jungwon holds back another curse at the sight of you on your knees.Â
âIs this ok, wonie?â The question is followed with your touch sliding up his thighs, playing with the clasp of his belt. Jungwon nods, already unbuttoning the top of his shirt and pulling his sleeves up to his elbows. You smile at the sight before bringing your hand down to squeeze at his covered bulge. Jungwon clenches his jaw at that, biting back another groan.Â
âDonât tease, baby.â You smile at that but ultimately do as you're told. Within seconds youâre pulling his pants and underwear down to reveal his entire length. The corners of your lips curve upwards when you hear him suck in a breath through his teeth once your fingers wrap around the base of him.Â
With your eyes looking up at him you spit seductively onto his length, using your hand to stroke him until your spit has coated him entirely. âHaahâ He sighs, heâs holding his shirt up with one hand, the other was clenched into a fist by his side. The second you actually wrap your pretty lips around the tip of his already leaking cock Jungwon actually tilts forward, having to hold his hand out against the wall behind you to keep himself upright.Â
The feeling of your warm mouth taking him so prettily was enough to have his knees nearly buckling on their own accord. He would almost feel embarrassed if he wasnât so incredibly turned on right now. Your mouth works quickly on him, you suck in your cheeks and slide your tongue along the underside of his cock. Your hand strokes what canât fit in your mouth in time with your movements. A sense of pride washes over you and you look up and visibly see Jungwon struggling to keep it together.Â
âFuck, your mouth is so warm-sâtight. Shit, just like that, baby.â He grunts through clenched teeth. His hand drops to hold your hair out of the way, holding it in a makeshift ponytail. You suck his length harder and faster, ignoring the ache in your jaw once you feel Jungwon's grip tighten on your hair. He was getting close and you needed his release like you needed air. You pushed yourself even farther down his length, taking him as deep as you could before your throat constrict around him. You gag around him once but Jungwon only curses at the sound, feeling himself growing closer to his release.Â
âShit, right there baby, Iâm so close.â He curses under his breath, trying to silence his grunts but the attempt is laughable. Heâs so loud and whiny you can feel yourself growing wetter just from the sound. His sounds only get louder, at this point youâre clenching around nothing to just feel some kind of release. You have never seen someone look or sound so attractive in a state like this, all you can think about is how badly you want to do this again and again.Â
His hand on your hair grips you tightly, forcing you deeper as he releases right down your throat, cursing out loud with your name on his lips. You swallow his release instantly, humming at the taste with his dick still inside you. You give him another moment to catch his breath before pulling back with a pop. Your hand caresses his thigh softly, allowing him a moment to come back down from his high.Â
He blinks down at you, breathing hard. His hands help you up, instantly crashing his lips against yours. He could still taste himself on your lips and it only makes him groan. The ache between your thighs was becoming unbearable and you were positive you have never been this turned on in your life.Â
âGet on the bed, baby.â He whispered against your lips, pressing one more swift kiss there before stepping back. His eyes never leave your body as you walk toward the bed, leaning your body over before laying down to give him the best view of your ass. Jungwon lets out another groan, already feeling himself growing hard again. His hands work fast to remove his clothing before meeting you at the foot of the bed.Â
A gasp slips past your lips unintentionally with Jungwon pulling you by your ankles to the edge of the bed, he smirks. For the second time tonight, you watch in awe as Jungwon gracefully kneels to the ground, only this time itâs between your open thighs. He pushes your legs open softly and has to visibly hold back a groan upon seeing a wet patch right at the center of your underwear.Â
He leans forward, pressing a soft kiss right at the inside of your thigh, trailing his lips closer and closer to where you need him most. A soft hum sounds from your throat, your eyes falling closed at the feeling. You can help but lift yourself on your elbows to watch him pull your underwear down, you didnât want to miss a second of this.Â
âFuck, youâre just pretty everywhere, arenât you, doll?â He compliments with his eyes never leaving your now bare pussy. He practically drools over the sight of your soaked folds, automatically leaning forward to press another kiss on the skin right above your cunt.Â
You watch him lean back again only to spit slowly onto your folds just to watch it slide down your center. Your body jolts at the feeling to which Jungwon grins, he was going to enjoy the hell out of himself by teasing you like this.Â
âJungwon-â Youâre about to start begging but he silences you with his index fingers coming up to slide through your folds, collecting your arousal and swirling it all the way up to your clit. A silent gasp shoots through you. He uses his thumb now to circle your clit once, twice, studying the way your body reacts to being played with like this.Â
âYouâre so wet, dripping all over my hand and I havenât even started yet.â Youâre not sure if heâs even talking to you anymore, his eyes are focused on your pussy, mesmerized with every twitch and pulse of your walls. His fingers circle your entrance, teasing your leaking hole with a delicious pace before finally sinking both inside you in one go.Â
The moan that escapes you has Jungwon's dick twitching at attention, he watches his fingers pump inside you, pulling more of your juices out with each stroke. âWonie..â Your moans and whines are fucking music to the brunettes ears, he decides right here and now that is his new favorite sound. His eyes travel upwards to watch your face, the picture of pure bliss and pleasure displayed all over your features. Without hesitating, Jungwon leans down to drag his tongue up the length of your folds, fingers still pulsing inside you. His tongue comes up to your clit, sucking it into his mouth and swirling his tongue until your legs try to close around his head.Â
âJungwon! Wait-â Youâre cut off by another moan that pushes through you. His speed picks up and his tongue moves harsher to match his pace. He shakes his head against your wet folds, âTastes sâgood, tastes like mine.â He groans, his voice sending another level of vibrations up your core. Your hands find their way to his hair to pull at and run through as you feel yourself growing closer to that pinnacle release. Another moan in the shape of his name slips past your lips in a breathless haze.Â
Then he curls his fingers in a certain way that nudges that little spongy part inside of you so perfectly it has you seeing stars, that along with the way his tongue never moves away from your clit has your thighs tightening around his head and fingers pulling his hair to keep him exactly where he is. If that wasnât evidence enough of your upcoming orgasm, the way you arched your back completely off the bed and the loud moan that shot through you was enough to have Jungwon press forward until he felt your walls squeeze his fingers. Your orgasm doesnât just wash over you like youâre used to, this one shoots through you with the power of at least three orgasms in one.Â
You cry out his name, twitching in his hold despite him pulling away softly to allow you a moment to catch your breath just as you did for him before. He admires the way your body reacts to his touch now, your cunt is damn near pulsing, crying for more. His hand caresses your thigh before crawling upwards to hover above you.Â
âYouâre so beautiful when you come, will you show me again?â He whispers against your lips, pressing a soft kiss there once and then twice. You nod, eyes struggling to fully stay open thanks to the earth shattering orgasm from before. âPlease..please fuck me, wonie.â He groans at that, dropping his face into your neck and kissing your skin.Â
âFuck, you donât even know what youâre doing to me.âÂ
You can only watch with anticipation as Jungwon slides his hardened dick through your slick folds, the tip catches onto your overstimulated clit making your gasp aloud. âSo responsive for me.â He smiles then slides his tip back down to your entrance, teasingly slipping just the tip inside of you until you moan for him and then pulling back out.Â
âJungwon, please,â he does it again, sliding his tip in only to pull out and repeat it a couple more times until youâre practically crying, âyouâre being so mean.â Your pout is what catches his attention, he grins at you before kissing your pouty lips.Â
âMean? Thatâs not mean baby, this is mean.â He slams his entire length into you in one go, a loud moan bordering on scream rips through your throat as your entire body jolts upwards on the bed at the sudden intrusion. The pain is quick to subside to pleasure as Jungwon mercilessly pounds into you right from the start. He doesnât give you any time to adjust, instead opting for fucking into you fast and rough. His hands drag your legs over his shoulders, nearly folding you in half in order to thrust deeper into you.Â
He was pounding you into the mattress so good you were already struggling to keep your eyes open. Jungwon admired the way your back arched and your head tilted back. He was absolutely captivated with your body, loving the way your hands alternated from holding onto the bedsheets and his own arms.Â
Your walls molded around his cock, making you his perfect little cock sleeve much to Jungwon's pleasure. âSo tight around me, youâre soaked through, baby. Shit, so wet, so warm, your pretty pussy's gonna make me come.âÂ
You can already feel your second orgasm of the night approaching, your walls tighten around him and you can barely give him a warning before you feel yourself falling apart. âThatâs it, baby. So sexy coming around my dick like that.â He fucks into you as you come, never stoppping his movements. He lowers your legs from his shoulder, wrapping them around his waist instead in order to get closer to you.Â
Now chest to chest, Jungwons trusts slow down as he kisses you lovingly, a stark contrast to the way he was just fucking you.Â
âSo good for me, youâll give me another one right?â Heâs asking but he doesnât wait for an answer. Before you could protest with cries of overstimulation, Jungwon is already turning you onto your stomach, forcing you onto your knees with one hand pressing your head against the pillows.Â
âYou can take it, fuck.â His movements pick up again, slamming into you from behind. His eyes are trained on the way your ass jiggles with every thrust, his left hand comes down to grope and squeeze your ass and hips and his other still holds your head down.Â
âFuck, all mine. Youâre all mine, no other motherfucker will ever have you like this again.â His thrusts are punishing now, almost like he was taking his anger out on you and you were starting to realize exactly why.Â
âThe asshole thinks he can touch you, you were mine before he even met you, Iâll make sure he remembers that, yeah?â The jealousy was pouring out of him with every word and thrust of his hips. You were moaning and crying into the pillows, your body already twitching with overstimulation and exhaustion. You wouldâve never expected Jungwon to fuck you within an inch of your life, even worse you never expected it to feel so good.Â
âI'm so close- need you to come with me. Fuck I need to feel you baby, please.â His groans have turned into whines now, thrusts growing sloppier but his hand comes around to rub at your clit in time with his movements. A sharp cry rips from your lips just as your third orgasm crashes through your body. Jungwon feels your walls constrict around him and suddenly he watches as your juices squirt out of you soaking his entire lower body and his bed below him. The sight alone is enough to bring Jungwon over the edge too, he grips the base of his cock once just before spilling all over your ass and lower back.Â
Your body collapses onto the bed, legs feeling weak and shaking. Your brain was still catching up with your body, not even realizing you squirted for the first time until Jungwon flips you again over onto your back.Â
âYouâre such a pretty squirter, baby.â His tongue is already sticking out past his lips, eyes focused on your soaking pussy.
synopsis: it's been a few months since you and felix separated. you should be over it, move on, and keep living life as it should be. but your heart and soul say otherwise.
cw: MDNI, divorce (duh), rebounds, reader is an emotional wreck (can't blame her tbh), reader lowkey uses alcohol to cope (donât recommend), both felix and reader have children, just a lot of angst, casual sex, protected sex (yay!), oral (f!receiving), orgasm denial, unprotected sex (don't!), p.i.v, petnames (angel, good girl, just a lot of âem), this fic be looooonnggggg
let me know if i'm missing anything!!
wc: 21.2k
a/n: FINALLY this fic is out!! i have been working on this one for monthsđ hopefully this one is a real tear-jerker cuz i tried to make it that way. anyways, if you enjoyed this fic, leave a like, comment, and reblog! your support is always appreciated <3333
It has been a few months since you and Felix officially divorced. It wasnât because you stopped loving each other. It was purely because your lifestyles were clashing against each other, instead of intertwining in harmony. Too many tours, fashion weeks, award shows, dance practices, comeback seasons, and little time for picking the girls up from school, going to soccer matches and ballet rehearsals, and kissing each other at night like it was the last day on Earth. It wasnât as sustainable as you hoped it would be. But even if you and Felix were separated, he still showed up at your front door, his arms wide open for your two daughters to jump into.
Your hand was clutching onto that yellow, dirtied rag, swiping it across the kitchen counter, clearing all that gross dust and food stains. God, your arm was killing you because of this damn stubborn curry stain. Meanwhile, your little twins Byeol and Nari were changing out of their school uniforms into day clothes fit for the park. Their loud giggles echoed through the house, and they were running to put on their shoes, clearly high on anticipation.
âGirls! Donât run around so much!â You said.
âSorry, Mommy!â Byeol said.
âWhen is Daddy coming?!â Nari asked, her voice all whiny and impatient.
âHe said three minutes,â You sighed, feeling the little churn deep in your stomach. You were at least thankful the kitchen provided a good enough distraction.
Knock! Knock!
You immediately raised your head at the sudden sound of the door. Your heart skipped a beat before feeling a bit heavy. You inhaled a deep breath, while your daughters ran to the door without needing to take a breath. Byeol was quick to unlock the door, letting it creak open, revealing a blonde man wearing a white t-shirt, blue jeans, a leather jacket, and his favorite pair of black boots. God, his smile was always the same. Never changed once, even if he lived in a different home. He had the kind of smile that proudly showed his pearly whites and made his eyes smile.
âDaddy!!â The girls hollered out before they jumped into his wide arms.
âThere are my little stars!â Felix pulled Byeol and Nari close and planted kisses all over their giddy cheeks. âReady to go to the park?â
âYes!â Nari said.
âCan we get ice cream too, Daddy?â Byeol asked.
âOf course, we can,â Felix said, âCome on, you two, get in the car.â
Nari and Byeol left Felixâs arms and walked outside the door to get into his car, leaving him alone with you in the house. The air between you two was tense and awkward. You fiddled with the string of your blue, frilly apron, and all Felix could do was swallow, waiting for his heart to calm down.
âHi,â he said, an attempt at breaking the tension.
âHi,â you said back.
âBring them back by nine?â
âYeah.â
You couldnât even look him in the eye. Your gaze was only fixed on your twiddling fingers.
âYou look tired,â Felix said, âYou should get some rest.â
âIâm fine,â you bit your tongue. âDonât worry about me. Just take care of the girls, okay?â
Felix took a step forward, but he immediately pulled back, swallowing a lump in his throat.
âDaddy! Weâre waaaaiiittttiiinnnggg!!â Nari called out.
âIâm coming, Darlings, no worries!â Felix smiled before turning back to you. âBye, Y/N. Take care.â
Felix turned away from you and exited the front door. You slowly followed, but stopped at the welcome mat. Your daughters looked at you through the windshield of Felixâs car and rapidly waved their hands at you with wide smiles on their faces. You couldnât hear it right, but you could tell that they were happily saying âBye, Mommy!â while Felix started the engine and pulled out of the driveway. Once his silver blue car was out of sight, this heaviness fell over you. Your heart dropped to your swirling stomach, and all the air in your lungs got thinner. You swallowed before closing your doorâthe sound ringing in the empty walls.
The house was big and empty, and chills ran up and down your spine. Your head spun, and the only way you could calm down was by slumping down on the couch in the living room. Your back landed flat on the green cushions, with your chest feeling tight, even with a deep black hole, and your hand rubbing against your aching head. Suddenly, your phone chimed, and without thinking much, you pulled it out to see a notification from some guy you met at the bar a week ago. Nari and Byeol were at Felixâs home that night, and you were tired of sleeping on a cold mattress. So you went to one of the local bars, hoping to get drunk and let any man bring you home, even if it was just for one night.
Jack: Wanna get a drink, Babe? I canât get you off my mind.
You didnât even think he would text you back, and your heart pounded a little. Your instinct was to ignore such an invitation. Why would you accept it when you were alreadyâRight. Iâm not married anymore.
It wouldnât be cheating if you went out with Jack again, so why did you feel such a harsh pull on your heartstrings? Like you were going to commit some grave sin. But was the ail worth sleeping in a cold bed again? You sucked in a breath and typed in a response.
Y/N: sure, but
Y/N: would it be okay if you came over?
And the moment you hit send, you immediately wanted to hit yourself in the face. Was the desperation that bad? The three little flickering dots at the bottom of the screen made your heart race with anticipation. At the bottom of your screen appeared a little text bubble with three dots, and your heartbeat picked up, wondering what Jack would say. His message finally came through.
Jack: Yeah, Iâll come over. Iâll bring the finest wine for you too ;)))
He said yes. Oh God, heâs actually coming over.
Y/N: okay, iâll see you soon.
Why am I even doing this?
You sent him your address before you dropped your phone and put your head in your hands, now coming to terms with the fact that the man you just wanted casual sex with is going to be in the home you once built with the man you promised forever to. The pit in your stomach was getting wider, and the churns were eating you alive. However, you knew you shouldnât feel this way. You were the one who invited the man, so you had to get ready. You swallowed the gunk in your throat and got up from the couch to put on something nice. You took off your blue apron and the plain blue jeans with a graphic t-shirt. You then slipped on a simple and slim velvet black dress and applied some light makeup: just some concealer, lip gloss, and mascara. You even sprayed some floral perfume on your neck and wrists.
A couple of minutes after you got ready, there was a knock on the door. You headed to the door, and you were greeted by a tall, handsome brunette. He wore jeans, a white graphic t-shirt, and a red flannel. He immediately scanned your body up and down with his eyes, a little shamelessly. A wide smile crept up his lips, and he didnât hesitate to step inside your home.
âHey, Beautiful,â he said.
âHi, Jack,â you said, feeling a bit of heat rise in your cheeks. Suddenly, you sucked in a sharp breath the moment he kissed your cheek. You rubbed your warm skin, and your heart pounded with rejection. However, you tried to ignore that ache and focus on the man in front of you.
âI got you something,â Jack pulled out a bright pink gift bag with a heart pattern and red tissue inside.
âReally?â You asked, âWhat did you get?â
âTake me to the kitchen, and Iâll show ya.â
Jackâs grin was so wide and cocky that your heart pounded a little. You bashfully led him to the kitchen, which was completely spotless thanks to your relentless cleaning.
âWoooowwww, that kitchen lookin damn pristine,â Jack said as he put the gift bag on the top of the kitchen island.
âThanks,â blush crept up your cheeks, and you timidly twiddled with your thumbs. âSo what was it that you got me?â
âI mean, I did say Iâd bring the finest wine.â
Jack pulled a large wine bottle out of the bag. The label looked super fancy, almost like it was straight out of a royal cellar. And the red glass was vibrant just like the liquid inside. You werenât really planning on drinking tonight, but honestly, with Jack around it might have been easier to roll with the alcohol and not let your aching heart take over.
âI can get the wine glasses,â you said, as you quickly rushed to one of the kitchen cabinets and grabbed two wine glasses.
You brought them to the kitchen island, and Jack was opening the bottle with ease. He then poured a generous amount of wine into each glass before setting the bottle to the side.
âHere you go, Gorgeous,â Jack said as he handed you your glass.
âThanks,â you said softly before taking a sip. Your face scrunched at the strong flavor, but there was a hint of sweetness that made the wine a bit bearable.
âHow is it?â
âStrong.â
âThat means itâs good,â Jack chuckled right before taking a sip from his own glass. He hummed from the taste of his drink and exhaled a satisfied breath. âWell, goddamn.â
Silence was between you both, as you both were taking a moment to enjoy this expensive, lovely wine. To be fair, you and Jack didnât have much to talk about to begin with. The last time you truly had a conversation with him was just meaningless flirtations that anyone would have at a packed bar on a Saturday evening. Just smooth-brained words that were only meant to get your panties wet enough for a one-night stand.
Jack put down his half-full wine glass on the countertop, making a little clink, and cleared his throat.
âI do wonderâŠâ he started, âFor a girl who lives by herself, you do seem to have a lot of space in this house.â
You stopped drinking your wine and pursed your lips. Right. I never told him about the girls.
But honestly, why would you? You only wanted a one-night stand, not anything more. You set your glass down, already feeling the pink tint in your cheeks.
âWell, I have two daughters,â you confessed, trying to get that information out of the way. Might as well say it.
Jackâs eyes widened.
âReally?â he asked. You nodded. âWow, I didnât know that.â
âWell, I wasnât really planning on you knowing.â
âDamn. I assume youâre raising them by yourself, right?â
Your fingers were intertwining with each other, your lungs were gaining heavy air, and your stomach churned. Were you really going to tell this man you had only met a week ago the whole story? You sighed a little.
âYeah,â you said, âI cook their food, drive them to school, clean the house, and entertain them, on top of going to work. I do all the hard stuff, butâŠmy ex-husband makes sure to show up for them.â
God, you hated that word. Ex-husband. Life was already hard enough, having to deal with everything alone, but having the man you loved for so long be an ex-husband made it all worse. Why did he have to be an ex-husband? You knew why, but that didnât mean you had to like it. You swallowed heavily, and your heart pounded. Jack couldnât help but look at you more. Your tired eyes were more obvious, and the blush in your cheeks expanded more with shame. Jack nodded before picking up his wine glass again.
âGood guy?â he asked, before taking a sip. His tone ticked you off, and you didnât know why. He just asked the question casually. No disgust or jealousy behind it. Just a normal question. So why did his words sound like they weighed a hundred pounds?
âYeah,â you said, a little quietly.
âHow long since you both were separated?â
âFour months.â
Jack nodded.
âDamn. Mustâve been hard. Plus, seeing him sometimes and still sharing the kids.â
For Godâs sake, why wasnât he saying that in a pitiful way? You bit your tongue, and chills ran up and down your spine. Your stomach churned even more. Why was this man being so chill about you being a single mother with a sometimes-present ex-husband?
âWell, Iâm not a monster,â you said, matter-of-factly, trying to play it cool again. âMy daughters love him a lot, so it wouldnât be fair to them to keep him away.â
You lifted your wine glass to your lips, sipping a lot more, like it was the only way to get you to stop talking about your past marriage. Meanwhile, Jack just analyzed you more. He didnât say anything else for a solid minute, only giving out a thoughtful expression for you to overthink. He exhaled and carefully approached you, with his glass in hand, gently swirling the wine.
âWell, at least you donât resent him,â Jack said, âMost people would hold grudges against their exes.â
You finished your wine, and you felt yourself shrink a little as he inched closer to you.
âAre you jealous?â you asked, your voice a little breathless and slurred.
âNo, not at all.â
âAre you sure?â
âYeah, Iâm sure.â
How are you going to have casual sex now? You werenât even planning to tell him everything.
âIâm sorry for bringing this all up in front of you,â you said, unable to look him in the eyes. âThat wasnât nice of me.â
âNo, no. Donât apologize,â Jack said gently, âI was the one who asked anyway. Besides, itâs kinda hot.â
You blinked twice. The pink in your cheeks turned into red and spread all over your face. He suddenly wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you close.
âHot?â you asked.
âYeah. Youâre so hardworking, sweet, and damn, youâre so gorgeous. Your ex-husband fumbled big time.â
You cringed a little at his comment, but you laughed it off anywayâa weak attempt to ease the tension. Plus, the wine really made it impossible for you to control your blush. Jack caressed your face with his free hand, immediately feeling your body heat against his skin.
âDamn, that wine got to you, huh?â Jack asked.
âItâs really strongâŠâ You giggled a little, âIâll get used to it, maybe.â
Jack softly smiled, and your heart pounded as he pulled you closer to his body.
âI mean, hey,â he said, âIâll bring over that wine whenever you need it.â
You wrapped your arms around him and melted under his gaze, and the feeling of his hands traveling up and down your waist. He was so stupidly charming when he needed to be, and you wanted him to just kiss your face, even if there was nothing behind it. And as if he read your mind, he did lean in. You sucked in a small breath and closed your eyes, feeling his sweet, wine-flavored lips on yours. You hummed a little after he pulled away slightly.
âYou know,â he said, his hot breath fanning against your face. âI was planning to take you to my place, but I kinda like it here.â
âReally? But youâve only seen two rooms.â
âMaybe, but you in this home got me intrigued. Iâm wondering if thereâs space for me now.â
Your heart clenched a little, and your hands trembled a little. But before you could do anything, Jack kissed you again. The butterflies in your stomach fluttered a little, and your legs felt like jelly. Itâll be just like last week, you told yourself. Just another night of casual sex and nothing more.
âYouâre trembling,â he said, âYou okay?â
âItâs probably the wineâŠâ You shook your head.
Jack hummed and smirked.
âUh-huh,â he kissed you again, "Definitely the wine. Youâre cute when youâre nervous, Baby.â
Your lips pressed against each other once more, and his hands found their way to your ass. You eagerly kissed Jack back, making the kiss hotter, more desperate, and full of hunger. Jack easily lifted you from the ground, and you wrapped your legs around his waist. His grip on your ass was tight, and his kisses were rougher than you were used to. You couldnât help but let out a moan, and Jack felt all the heat rush down to his pants. A whimper escaped your lips as you felt his hard tent.
âJackâŠâ you moaned.
âWhereâs your room, Baby?â Jackâs voice was low and husky, almost a little impatient.
âDown the hall. The last door to the left.â
Jack kissed your neck before he followed your directions and entered the masterâs bedroom, which was once full of Jack and love. After kicking the door gently, Jack laid you down on the large queen bed that was in the center of the room before immediately getting on top of you, straddling your hips. You whined again from the feeling of his hard cock against your thigh.
âThat bed is too big for one person, Love,â Jack said, âDonât worry, though. Iâm here.â
He leaned in to kiss you again, while his hands traveled up your body and reached for the zipper of your dress. Once he undid the zipper, he pulled down the velvet fabric, slowly revealing your bare body to him. You didnât wear anything except for black lace panties, and God, all Jack could do was lick his lips and touch you.
You shivered and whined from his touch, all the heat pooling down your thighs, as he slowly took your little garment off.
âSo wet, Baby,â he teased, right before he pressed his thumb against your clit, making you moan loudly and clench over nothing. âNeed me that bad, huh?â
Meanwhile, with his free hand, Jack quickly grabbed a small packet from his pocket before undoing his pants and freeing his hard, heavy cock. It was just as erect as the last time you both fucked: tall as the Leaning Tower of Pisa. You tried not to let that get in the way. Jack quickly pulled out the condom that was in the small packet and put it over his dick. You were honestly a little thankful he was still using protection, just like the last time.
âReady?âÂ
You nodded, and Jack slid right into your walls, forcing a gasp out of your lungs. His hands wrapped around your wrists, and Jack began to move his hips, thrusting inside of you. You moaned and whined. He was hitting your sweet spot a couple of times, all his kisses were close to your weak points, and his dirty talk was okay. Maybe it was the wine that made him feel extra good.Â
âThatâs my girl,â Jack moaned, âFeel so good!â
âJack,â you whimpered, feeling some tight coil in your gut.
âGonna cum, Baby?â
Were you? You werenât so sure, but you could tell Jack was. His speed was a little more erratic than seconds ago, and his moans were louder than yours. You wished you had more wine. Jack tightened his grip on your hips, and he thrusted again into you for the last time. His covered tip collided with your sweet spot, and he busted inside his condom. Meanwhile, you only moaned a little louder and a little more forcefully. You threw your head back, as if the waves were actually crashing over you. You panted heavily, and Jack pulled out of you. You watched him quickly search for the trash can in your room.
âWhereâs the trash can, Baby?â he asked.
âOh, right over there,â you pointed at the corner of the room.
Jack turned around and saw a small silver trash can that was right next to your mahogany wardrobe. He took off his condom and threw it in the trash can. He then asked you where the bathroom was, and you pointed at the other door in the room. Once he entered the bathroom, he cleaned himself up. Meanwhile, you were still on the mattress, covered in a sheen of sweat, and your pussy was still a little wet. Your stomach churned, and your body was suddenly getting cold. You swallowed a little heavily, and you just waited for Jack to come out of the bathroom and clean you up. Luckily, he did come back with a warm, damp towel to clean you up. But you still couldnât help but wonder why this was different than the night you first met Jack? Maybe you werenât drunk enough?
âYou okay?â Jack asked.
âYeah,â you said.
Jack pulled you close suddenly and nuzzled into the crook of your neck, planting small kisses on your sensitive, flushed skin.
âYou were so good, Baby,â he whispered against your skin.
âYeah?â
âMmhmmâŠsuch a shame that your ex-hubbyâs missing out.â
You bit your tongue, and you felt your body cave in a little. Of course, Jack was trying to flirt, but fuck, even in the punchlines, Felix was inescapable. You didnât even say anything. Because what could you say that wouldnât make Jack feel jealous or less worthy of being a partner? He kissed your skin more and kept his hands on your waist. His touch was nice. He was good at that, at least. You turned your head to get a peek at the clock on your nightstand. The time was 8:35 PM. Your eyes widened, and your heart pounded. You sat up, your spine fully erect, and Jackâs grin disappeared.
âWhatâs wrong?â he asked.
âIâm sorry, Jack,â you said, your voice quiet and reclusive. âBut I think you should go.â
âWait, why?â Jackâs jaw tightened, and you sucked in a breath: a small flame of guilt sparked.
âMy daughters are coming back from the park. Their fatherâs dropping them off at nine.â
Your gaze averted from Jackâs face to the wrinkled and scrunched blue blankets of your bed. Your thumbs were twiddling again, and a deep pit fell into your stomach, straight to your guts. Something heavy formed in your throat, and your eyes were even beginning to burn with salt, as the tears were gradually welling up.
âIâm really sorry Iââ
âNoâŠitâs fine,â Jackâs face was completely still. You couldnât tell if he was angry. He just had the most unassuring neutral face any man could ever have. He abruptly got off the bed and grabbed the clothes he had discarded on the floor. He didnât even dare to look at you as he put his pants back on, despite just how good he felt without them.
Your heart ached as the heartstrings were grabbed and pulled on like some dollâs hair. Your lips were trembling, and with a surge of panic, you scooted closer to him.
âAre you mad?â you asked, your voice so weak and light.
Jack paused for a moment as he was about to buckle his belt. His hands were clenched tightly, veins protruding from his soft skin. He still didnât look at you.
âMad?â He scoffed. You cringed at the sound of his coffee-bitter laugh. âIâm not mad, Sweetheart.â
He then turned to you, finally. His face was still neutral. Calmer this time. But something about his gaze made you want to hide and never step out into the world ever again.
âI just didnât realize how much space he took up,â Jack finally said.
You quietly hitched a breath, and your head lowered. You tightened your lips into a frown, and more tears threatened their escape. God, your aching heart was making you feel sick. The small flame of guilt only grew, and all you could do was tighten the embrace you gave yourself. How could you even respond to that comment? Itâs not like you planned to let Felix be so ever-present after you ended things with him. He wasnât even trying to get in the way of you trying to move on.Â
âIâŠIâll escort you out,â You said, your voice cracking.
You got off the bed and wrapped a thin blanket around your naked body. Jackâs neutral face somehow softened at the sight of your frown, teary eyes, and trembling wrists.
âHeyâŠno,â Jack got closer to you and gently cupped your heated pink face. âDonât do that.â
âDo what?â Your eyes widened, and a stray tear rolled down your face.
âIâm not mad at you, Y/N. Iâm justâŠitâs just hitting me. Youâre incredible and amazing and so damn beautiful, and yes, this is just the reality. Youâre not just some cute girl I picked up from the bar. Youâre a mother trying to make the best out of her divorce, especially for her kids. And your ex is just being a good father to them.â
âYeahâŠâ
âIâm sorry. I didnât mean to make you think I was mad.â
âYou donât have to lie to me, JackâŠâ
âI promise Iâm not,â Jack pulled you in for a soft kiss. âIâll just have to get used to him being around.â
Jack gently rubbed his hand over your head, messing with your hair. He smiled softly, and your heartbeat and breathing eased a little. Just a little. He pulled away from you to grab his shirt and put it back on, and once his clothes and shoes were back on, youâin nothing but your blanket wrapped around you like a burritoâwalked him out of the bedroom and down to the front door of your home. You opened the door for him and stepped back a little, giving him way. Before Jack even dared to step outside, he looked at you once more.
âCan I see you again?â he asked, âNot as a hookup, butâŠya know? Coffee? Dinner?â
Your eyes widened, and tiny little maggots of regret were eating at your soul.
âUh, yeah,â you said impulsively. âIâllâŠtext you.â
Jack nodded and stepped out of the front door. You closed the door behind him, and now you were alone again. You hated the quiet. Even if itâs been four months, it was still unbearable. This house used to be so lively. Nari and Byeol would always be at home after school. They didnât have to take trips with their father for the weekend. Instead, theyâd just run around and play, and when Felix came back from a long, hard day of dance practice and recording music, they would run into his arms and beg him to watch a movie with them in the living room. FelixâŠ
His smile was enough to brighten up the place. Every time he came home, you were in the kitchen preparing dinner as always. He would wrap his arm around you and hug you so tightly it was impossible to breathe. But damn, did you love being breathless. He would sing to you and the girls. He would tell them all about what their sweet uncles were up to, his exciting trips all around the world, and heâd sometimes play video games with them.
And of course, who could forget about the fun, romantic nights you and Felix would have. Nari and Byeol would be fast asleep, blissfully unaware of what Mommy and Daddy were up to. His kisses were soft and tender. His touch was searing, but it felt so right. And God, he felt so damn good, and you would feel so damn good. So good that you would actually cum. And the way he took care of you afterward. He was so gentle. So sweet. SoâŠFelix.
All the tears finally broke out and streamed down your cheeks, and the silence was filled with your cries. Your knees sank to the hardwood floor in front of the door, and your tears soaked up your soft blanket. Your time with Jack wasnât bad. At least you had some company for the evening. But that look on his face wouldnât leave your mind. His neutral expression, his scoffs, and his tone when he said that Felix still took up so much space. As if youâre forever chained to this lost love. If only you could find the key to break free from this grief.
You couldnât cry like this. Not when the girls were about to come home. Oh right. The girls.
You wiped your tears and got up from the floor. You then quickly headed back to your bathroom to wash up your teary face. Nothing but cold water splashed and rubbed into your pores, erasing away all the puffiness and red. Once your face looked decent for a girl who just cried her eyes out, you grabbed a comforting pair of pajama pants and an oversized grey hoodie. It was left behind four months ago. You didnât have the heart to throw it out. You could faintly smell that spicy-sweet cologne that always made your heart sing, but now, a sob was threatening to escape your throat.
Knock! Knock!
A knock on the door. Your heart leaped out of your chest, and with your shaken legs, you quickly walked towards the front door. Meanwhile, you wiped all the stray tears and kept your expression as calm as possible. As you got closer to the door, you could hear the voices of your daughters. Even their little jumps. Your hand was on the door handle. Inhale. Exhale. Smile. Smile like everything is fine.
You opened the door, and immediately, your two little balls of sunshine were jumping into your arms.
âMommy!â
âHi, Darlings,â you smiled warmly and crouched down, as you pulled them close to your chest. You even noticed the little ice cream and sprinkle stains at the corners of their mouths. âIâm guessing you both had a fun time?â
âOh, Mommy, it was so much fun!â Byeol said with so much glee. Her eyes even sparkled. âDaddy took us to the swings, the riverside, and we met three dogs!â
âAnd Daddy got us ice cream, Mommy!â Nari giggled, âWe wanted to get a cone for you, but it wouldâve melted.â
But we always got ice cream together. The fond memory still stung your heart.
âAwww, thatâs sweet, my darlings,â you said, âItâs okay, you didnât need to bring me ice cream.â
You kissed both of your daughtersâ cheeks and allowed them to enter the house. Their giggles were always loud when they had fun. As you stood up straight again, your eyes met Felixâs. His body was relaxed, and he had a soft expression. And you could tell that he was staring. A little too intently than you wouldâve liked. Maybe you shouldâve worn a different hoodie.
âYou okay?â he asked.
âYeah, Iâm okay.â A nervous laugh broke out of you, and you ran your hand through your hair, messing it up a bit. âI justâŠhad wine while watching a dog movie.â
Felix blinked twice and raised his eyebrow.
âA dog movie?â His voice was flat, and you wanted to die.
Not that it wasnât possible for you to watch dog movies, but you were the type to rarely watch them. You, however, nodded, insisting that you did. You knew he could see right through you. You were wearing his hoodie for Godâs sake. But you hoped that he wouldnât push you for the truth. Felix opened his mouth, ready to say something, but Nari came to your rescue. She wrapped her little arms around your waist and nuzzled her cute head into your hip.
âMommy, Mommy!â she said, âCan Byeol and I watch cartoons?â
Your eyes widened.
âBut itâs bedtime,â you said.
âAwwww, but, Mommyyyyyyyyyy, itâs only nine oâclock,â Nari whined, as she clutched onto the fabric of your pajama pants and pulled on them left to right.
âJust let them watch one episode,â Felix cut in gently. His soft voice hasnât changed either. âTheyâre pretty energetic already, so some TV can calm them down a little.â
You looked at him, a little dumbfounded. He always took the girlsâ side when it came to their TV time. Well, not always, but most of the time. But that was when you both were together. Youâd think heâd let you take charge the moment they stepped into your home, yet there he was still making suggestions even if he wasnât allowed to step in further through the door.
âOkay,â you said, âIâll give them one episode before bedtime.â
âDaddy! You should watch with us!â Nari said.
You wanted to protest, but you couldnât. Everything was happening so fast.
âIâm sorry, my Princess, but I have work tomorrow,â Felix said.
âBut you always stayed home before you had workâŠâ Nari pouted. The disappointment was so evident in her quiet voice that it made your heart clench. âCome on, Daddy, please?â
Felix sighed, but he still kept that damn smile on. His hand found Nariâs head, and he gently messed with her hair as he gave the most heartfelt of head pats.
âDaddyâs awfully busy,â he said, âBut next time you and Byeol come to my dorm, we can watch all the cartoons you want.â
âOkayâŠâ Nari nodded. Felix then pulled the little girl close, and her tiny arms wrapped around his waist. Meanwhile, your heart pounded as it sank to the bottomless pit in your stomach. âGoodbye, Daddy.â
âBye, my Princess.â
âWait, is Daddy leaving?â Byeol asked as she dashed to the front door. âNoooo, Daddy, stay with us please??â
Felix laughed lightly.
âI wish I could, my Star, but I have to go,â Felix said before hugging Byeol too. âI love you both.â
âWe love you too, Daddy!â The girls said.
âI love you too, my Darlings.â
He then planted gentle kisses on top of their heads. You wondered if cute little sprouts would grow just from his love. Once the goodbyes were finally over, Nari and Byeol went back to the living room to watch their spontaneously scheduled cartoons, leaving you alone with Felix once more. Somehow, his smile never faltered. How does he do it, you wondered. Heâs just smiling and being happy so effortlessly, while youâre actively trying to hold back the burning salt in your eyes and throat.
âYou sure youâre okay?â He asked.
âIâm fine,â you immediately said right before instantly regretting it. You hated how your voice croaked. âI justâŠhad a day.â
âYou should take it easy, Y/N. Youâve been working non-stop.â
âIâm fine, really, Felix. You donât need to worry, okay?â
You hated saying that. Not when there used to be a time when it was okay for him to worry, and you would tell him everything that was on your mind. Felix pursed his lips, and you wanted to die on the spot.
âRightâŠI know I shouldnât be so pushy,â he said softly. âIâll let you know what my schedule is for next week, and see if I can go to Busan with them.â
âWait, youâre not going on the field trip with them?â Your eyes widened.
Felix solemnly nodded.
âChris anticipates that our managers are gonna give us a busy schedule. I will try to ask for a day off just for the girls, though, but I canât promise anything. Iâm sorry, Y/N.â
You sighed. Was it a sigh of defeat? You werenât entirely sure.
âItâs okay,â you crossed your arms, âIâll let the girls know, and Iâll ask my boss to let me take the days off if you canât go.â
âSounds good,â Felixâs phone buzzed with a brief ring. He pulled out the device from his pocket. You couldnât help but clench your jaw. Obviously, it had to be something work-related, but at the same time, you couldnât help but wonder if there was some other woman behind that screen. âYeah, I should get going. Iâll see you, Y/N.â
Felix smiled at you before turning away and stepping out the door. With a new pang in your heart, you immediately stepped forward and weakly extended your hand.
âFelixââ your voice cracked once more, and he turned his head immediately with a hint of concern in his eyes.
âYeah?â He asked.
You wanted to crawl into a hole and never leave.
âByeâŠâ You finally said.
Felix softly smiled.
âBye,â he said, right before turning his head, walking away again, and getting in his car.
Once his car was pulled out of the driveway and shrank in the distance, you swallowed heavily. Inhaled and exhaled. Your joints tightened, and you couldnât do much except close the door. Just like you always have been since you signed the papers. You crossed your arms a bit tighter than normal and let out another sigh. The girlsâ laughter was loud as ever, as the music from their favorite cartoon was echoing from the living room. Meanwhile, you were walking back to the kitchen, only to be greeted by that expensive wine bottle and that sparkly pink gift bag. You groaned.
You rarely ever left a bottle of wine out in the open kitchen. How reckless of you. You grabbed the wine bottle and put it in the fridge, and you grabbed the gift bag and opened the trash bin. But before you could shove it down into the trash, you noticed a small envelope hiding in the red tissue. You pulled the note out of the bag. On the back of the red-pink paper, it read, âTo: Y/N, From: Jackâ in bold, black Sharpie. After putting the bag in the trash, you opened the envelope.
Inside the envelope was a simple, cute Valentineâs Day card. Not bad, even though the holiday had already passed. And you were stupidly alone that day, of course. Crying endlessly in your sheets and passing out from all the alcohol you drank. You wondered if Felixâs Valentineâs Day was like that. Maybe he brought someone home after a night out. Sounds about right. Itâs been four months of freedom for him. He probably had the time of his life bringing someone else home. Why wouldnât he be? Heâs Lee Felix. The man who had it all. If there was anything he wanted, heâd have it instantly. He was a man loved by the whole world, as if he were a king and everyone else was his subjects, ready to do his bidding.
They were lucky heâs a good man. You hated that he was because the thought that a good man like him slipped through your fingers and could be in someone elseâs palm made your stomach churn. You knew you shouldnât feel this way. Itâs been four damn months, and you were trying to move on. You needed to, frankly. But goddammit, itâs so hard.
âMommy?â
You jumped a little, completely startled by the innocent girlish voice. You looked to your left to see that Byeol was standing there with her wide, starry eyes. You heaved a little breath, a little thankful that your daughter took you out of your spiraling session.
âYes, Byeol?â You asked.
âIâm hungryyyyy,â she said.
âAww, Baby. We have some leftover bibimbap if you want. I can warm it up and add kimchi.â
âYes, please!â
Byeol jumped a little with enthusiasm, and you couldnât help but look at her with such affectionate eyes. She was too cute.
âOkay, Iâll give you some,â you smiled softly, patting her head. âAsk your sister if she wants some as well.â
Byeol nodded and dashed to the living room. Meanwhile, you went ahead and put the bibimbap that was sitting in the fridge in the microwave. Byeol returned to the kitchen with Nari, and the two were eagerly sitting on the stools next to the kitchen island.
âYouâre hungry, Nari?â You asked.
âYes, Mommy,â Nari said.
âOkay.â
The microwave beeped, and when you saw that the bibimbap was steaming, you carefully took the dish out and put it on the counter. You then grabbed two plates, two spoons, and a slightly bigger spoon to scoop the bibimbap. Once you had plated the food, you placed the meals in front of your daughters.
âEat up now,â you said, âIâll get you both some water.â
âMommy, can we have soda?â Byeol asked.
âYes, Mommy, I want soda too!â Nari said.
âIâm sorry, my darlings,â you sighed, âBut you need to sleep after this. The soda would just keep you awake.â
The girls pouted and whined with disappointment. However, they were quick to accept defeat. You poured water into their cups and handed them out. Nari and Byeol began to eat their dinner. Watching them eat made your stomach growl, so you decided to serve yourself as well.
âWhoâs Jack?â Nari asked.
The big spoon slipped through your fingers and landed in the bibimbap. You looked up to see Nari holding the Valentineâs Day card. Shit, I forgot to look at it.
You immediately walked to Nari and gently snatched the card from her small hand. Pink tinted your cheeks, and you actively kept it out of their view.
âSomeone from work,â you casually lied.
You put the card on another counter, and you went back to putting some bibimbap on your plate, along with pouring a glass of water for yourself. After making your plate, you sat on another stool on the kitchen island and started eating.
âOh, okay,â Nari said chirpily, âWhat did the card say, Mommy? It has hearts all over it.â
âMaybe itâs something sweet,â Byeol giggled, âMaybe he has a crush on Mommy.â
A sudden cough escaped your lips, and you could feel the little choke in your throat. Your face got all hot and even more radiant with pink and red. You quickly drank some of your water to calm your coughing, right before you could clear your throat.
âMommy!â Byeol said with sudden worry.
âAre you okay?â Nari asked.
âIâm fine,â you assured, âAlso, no, that card doesnât mean anything. Heâs just being friendly.â
âBut donât hearts mean love?â
âIt can mean friendship too,â you said, âNow, come on. Finish your food, so you can get to bed on time.â
âOkaaaayyyyy.â
Nari and Byeol continued to eat their dinner, and the same for you. Dinnertime wasnât usually this silent, but you didnât dare to say much this time around. The girls were somewhat chatty, but they knew they had to get ready for bed soon. Once you and the girls were done eating, you took them upstairs to their shared, cutesy and whimsical bedroom.
The room was a bit messy. Their beds werenât made, Barbie dolls and plushies were a bit scattered on the floor in front of the dollhouse, the bookshelf was a bit unorganized and cluttered, and the pretty fairy forest painting gifted by Uncle Hyunjin had yet to be hung up. If it were any other hour of the day, youâd scold the girls a little and get them to clean up. But bedtime was more important. The two were changed into their cute pajamas. Byeol wore a blue set with a kitten pattern, and Nariâs was pink and had a puppy pattern. The girls got into their respective beds, and you gently tucked them in their blankets.
âMommy?â Byeol asked.
âHmm?â You said.
âIs Daddy coming to Busan with us?â
Right. The field trip.
âHe doesnât know if he can, but he hopes to,â you said, âIf he isnât able to come, Iâll go to Busan with you.â
âBut Daddy promised heâd come with us,â Byeolâs pupils dialed wide open, making her eyes puppy-like. âWhy canât he come?â
âHeâs just busy, Honey, thereâs not much we can doââ
âBut why is Daddy so busy?â Nari pouted and crossed her arms. âHe isnât even home anymoreâŠâ
Silence landed in the room. It was a loud entrance. Even though you and Felix told the girls about the divorce, they were still asking and wondering why he couldnât just stay in the house as he always did. Was this wishful thinking on their end, or were they still in denial? You wanted to tell them that heâs never coming back home to stay, but the sad look on their precious, freckled faces was too much. Itâs even painful for you to face the truth.
âI knowâŠâ You said, as your heart was pounding in your ears. âBut he loves you both very much. I mean, he took you to the park and gave you ice cream today.â
âThat is true,â Byeol said.
âThe park was a lot of fun,â Nari said, as a smile grew back on her face.
âWe should go together, Mommy! It was so pretty!â
You smiled softly.
âHopefully, when the weekend comes,â you said, âI can take us for a lil trip.â
âYay!â The girls cheered and giggled.
âAlright, now, itâs way past your bedtime. Good night, darlings.â
You leaned over to plant a kiss on Byeolâs head first and messed with her hair a little.
âGood night, Mommy,â Byeol said.
Byeol lay her back on her bed, and you went to Nari and kissed her head and ruffled her hair gently.
âGood night, Mommy,â Nari said, before she lay down.
The girls closed their eyes, and you turned off the lights in their room and closed the door. You walked down the stairs and went to the kitchen to turn off the lights. But before you turned them off, you realized that the card from Jack was still on the counter. You grabbed the cutesy Valentineâs Day card, and you finally opened it as you were walking to your bedroom. The inside of the card was standard. It had a graphic of a brown teddy bear holding a vintage pink heart, but in the empty space next to it was a handwritten note: Bought this wine for the most beautiful girl. Hopefully, Iâll see you more often, Doll - Jack.
The note was so simple yet so scary. Part of you wished that you hadnât texted him earlier, but thatâs what happens when sexual frustration gets the best of you, you suppose. Sure, the sex was okay, but why was he so eager? Eagerness and casualness donât go well together, you thought. Dammit, why couldnât you just keep entertaining yourself as you did for the first month? It was working just fine, but of course, you had to bring in a man. What would the girls think if they found out another man stepped into this house? Your stomach churned.
Even the sight of your messy bed made your shoulders tense. You put the letter on your bedside table and slipped under the tussled blanket, pulling it over your body. You curled into a fetal position, and your mattress was getting noticeably cold. You were lying in the very center of the bed because no matter where you were, there was so much space left over. Even if that space was full, it was filled in by some ghost. Your chest tightened, and you hugged yourself as the cold overwhelmed you. The blanket clearly wasnât enough. Jack was right. This bed was way too big for one person.
xâąxâąxâąx
It was the next day. The girls were already dropped off at school, and you were behind the counter at the local cafe. Your chestnut brown apron was over your white buttoned down shirt, and your hair was up in a tight ponytail. You were busy doing your usual tasks, which were to take customersâ orders and collect payments. The job was rather easy, but damn, was it mentally exhausting. Talking to so many people at once on a Friday morning made you wish that you had gone straight home after dropping the girls off at school. But alas, you had bills to pay, and you werenât going to let Felix pay for anything more than just child support.
âSo you want a chocolate croissant with a small Biscoff latte, correct?â You asked the customer in front of you. You tried to sound happy-go-lucky, but it was an attempt. Not the best attempt, but an attempt.
The customer before you was clearly a bit older. As if the âold people smellâ wasnât there, his hair was all silver and receding, and his tanned face had wrinkles all over.Â
âYes, Lady, please,â he said.
âOkay,â you nodded, âThatâll be 11,000.â
The man laughed, almost a little flabbergasted.
â11,000? Damn, woman, youâre killing me.â
âSorry, Sir, I donât make the prices.â
âThatâs alright, Sweetheart, just keep working.â
The man took out his wallet and swiped his credit card on the little reader, finalizing his payment. Once the man paid, he went on to the main counter to wait for his order. Meanwhile, you only huffed out a breath of relief. You were worried that the man would yell at you for the coffee and pastry being a little expensive. Luckily, you made it out. Suddenly, the little doorbell rang as a man stepped through the entrance. A 5â7â man with shabby brown hair, and he was dressed in a plain shirt and sweatpants. Looks like he got out of a dance practice.
âHi, Y/N,â he said as he approached you. âBeen a while.â
âHi, Seungmin,â you said softly, your voice a little awkward. You didnât think youâd see one of Felixâs closest friends, let alone his roommate, so suddenly. âWhat brings you here?â
âPracticeâs been tough, and I could use a good cup of coffee.â
âWhat kind of coffee would you want?â
âIâll just get a regular americano. Small, of course.â
âYou want any pastries to go with?â
âNo thanks. Just the coffee.â
âAlright. Thatâll be 7,000.â
Seungmin pulled out his wallet to grab his credit card.
âHow are the girls?â He suddenly asked.
âOh, theyâre good,â you said, smiling a little. âLast night, they were very energetic.â
âThatâs good to hear,â Seungmin swiped his credit card. âTell them Uncle Minnie says hi.â
You laughed a little.
âWill do,â you said, âWould you like your receipt?â
âSure.â You handed Seungmin his receipt. âThanks. Iâll see you later, Y/N. Take care.â
âBye, Seungmin.â
Seungmin slightly bowed his head toward you and walked away to wait for his order. The doors opened again, and the doorbell rang its lovely tune. Jack just walked in. Your heart suddenly dropped, and you sucked a tight breath. Your eyes met his, and a smile grew on his face.
âDamn, Baby, I didnât know you worked at a place like this,â he said, as he sauntered to the front counter. âDo you take kisses as payment?â
He blew a kiss at you, and heat rose in your cheeks, making them more red than needed.
âHi, Jack,â you said, trying to remain professional. âAnd no, we unfortunately donât accept kisses as payments.â
âDamn, thatâs a shame,â Jack playfully huffed before leaning in closer to you. âMaybe I can give you a tip.â
âJackââ
âIâm just playing, Sweetheart. Donât worry, Iâll order something for real.â
You let out a small breath of relief.
âWell, what do you want?â You asked.
âIâll just take the mocha cappuccino,â Jack said.
âNo pastries?â
âI already had my lunch.â
You nodded.
âThatâll be 7,000,â you said.
â7,000?â Jack raised his eyebrows, âWell, Iâll be damned.â
He pulled out his wallet and put some cash on the countertop for you to grab. You grabbed the paper money and put it in the cash register.
âYou want a receipt?â You asked.
âNah, but ya know what I do want?â Jack replied, as he playfully bit his bottom lip and scanned your body up and down with his eyes. Shivers went up and down your spine, and your heart was picking up the pace, pounding in your chest.
âWhat?â
âI wanna take you out for a joyride,â Jack leaned in close and pointed his thumb behind him. âI got a sexy convertible.â
You blushed more. It has been an awful while since youâve been taken on a joyride, but alas, this wasnât the time. This wasnât the day, as a matter of fact.
âIâm still working, Jack,â you said
âI meant after your shift, Babe,â Jack assured.
âI have to pick up my daughters from school. We can talk about this later, okay?â
âAwww, alright,â Jack said. Even if his smile was still cocky, you could hear the slight hint of disappointment in his cadence. âIâll let you keep working, Sweetie, just donât forget about me, alright?â
Jack walked away to get his drink. You sighed in relief and quickly checked the time. It was 2:15 P.M. Your shift was almost done, thankfully. Five more minutes, and youâre free to go. And thankfully, there werenât an awful lot of customers this time around, which was a little strange, but you welcomed it.
Five minutes flew by fast, and you went to the employees' only room. The room was barely a room. It was more like a grey, boring closet. But there was enough space to get yourself out of the apron and cap. You put the two pieces in a box that was only labeled with your name. Once you put away your work items, you grabbed your purse that was in the box and walked out of the little closet and then out of the counter.
Jack was at his table with his drink, and his eyes beamed at the sight of you.
âDone with your shift, Babe?â He asked, standing up from his seat.
âYeah,â you said.
You suddenly sucked in a breath once Jack snaked his arm around your waist and pulled you closer to his chest. Pink flushed over your cheeks, and Jack grinned before kissing you. Your knees were already giving out, but you kept your arms around his neck to stop yourself from falling. Jack might have been okay at sex, but he was one hell of a good kisser.
âJack,â you breathed once his lips disconnected from yours.
âI wanna get you alone, Baby,â he whispered, âHop in my car. Iâll take you to the most romantic spots in Seoul.â
âI have to pick up my daughters. We can go on the joyride some other time.â
âAwww, okay, Babe.â
Jackâs lips trailed down your neck, which made you squirm immediately.
âJack,â you whined, âNot in front ofââ
âY/N?â
Your eyes widened, and you immediately pushed Jack off you. Your legs wobbled, and you were struggling to stand up straight when your heartbeat spiked. You couldnât even bear to look at him. At Felix, who was standing right before you. His eyes were wide, and his mouth was open with shock.
âFelix?â Your voice quivered, and you straightened your clothesâat least attempted to. âWhat are you doing here?â
âI was going to get treats for the members,â he said, before looking at Jack with an unreadable expression. Your shoulders constricted, and you felt the cringe in your bones ache. An easy smile formed on Felixâs lips, and he reached his hand out to Jack. âI donât think weâve met before. Iâm Felix.â
Jack took Felixâs hand, and the two men shared a handshake.
âJack,â Jack said, looking back and forth between you and Felix. âI take it that you two know each other.â
You swallowed heavily. Frankly, you didnât want to be there now. You needed to leave and pick up your daughters.
âYeah,â Felix said coolly, âVery well actually.â
âFelix,â you said.
âHmm?â
âDonât beâŠâ You wanted to finish that sentence, but not in front of Jack. The tension was already heavy enough. You leaned against Jackâs body and nuzzled into his side. âJack, can you give us a minute?â
Jack looked at you with confusion. He looked at Felix and then back at you. His eyes widened a little, and he nodded.
âIâll be waiting outside,â he said before walking away and stepping outside the building.
Once Jack was outside, you crossed your arms and looked at Felix with a stern face.
âYou didnât have to be rude to him,â you said.
âRude?â Felixâs eyebrow raised, almost laughing it off. âI wasnât being rude.â
âYou were trying to one-up him.â
âOkay, I wasnât trying to one-up him.â
âWell, it seemed like it. Listen, heâs my new boyfriend, so justââ
âNew boyfriend?â
You stopped at his plain tone. Felixâs little smile fell, and your heart fell with it. He didnât sound angry at all, which only made your stomach churn more.
âYeah,â you said, now rubbing your sweaty palms together. âJack is my boyfriend.â
âWhere did you meet him?â
âThe bar last week. Something wrong?â
âDid you twoâŠyou know?ââ
âFelix.â
âIâm just asking.â
âSo what if we did? Itâs not your business anywayâŠâ
Silence was now between the two of you. You couldnât maintain eye contact with Felix much longer. The disappointed look on his face was enough to make you feel sick. Your arms instinctively wrapped around yourself, and your heart was pounding so much that it ached.
âYouâre right,â Felix said softly, âIâm sorryâŠâ
Even with the way he apologized, you wanted to die.
âDo the girls know?â He asked. His voice was so calm and gentle. You werenât sure if you liked that.
âNo,â you said before quickly glancing at the clock on the wall to check the time. You sighed. âI have to pick them up.â
âI can pick them up if youâre busy.â
âItâs okay, Felix, I can do it.â
âAlright. Oh yeah, I should let you know about the Busan trip by tonight.â
But every song youâve heard now just reminded you of Felix. The girls would ask you to play a song because it was Daddyâs favorite or he made it with his members. And you would. You would because you loved to indulge them, but your heart ached at every lyric and tune. You couldnât even sing along as your daughters did. All your vocal cords were held captive with chokes, and tears would threaten to pour down your face. Even if your car and hand felt empty, at least you felt a little at peace in the silence.
You pulled up at the carpool line at the school. You checked the time on the little clock on your car screen. It was 3:30 P.M, which was a couple of minutes after dismissal. So many little kids walked out of the doors, and teachers were escorting them to their parentsâ cars. You saw a tall woman in a white blouse and black pencil skirt walking Nari and Byeol out of the building, her hands in theirs. Nari yawned, and Byeol rubbed her cute eyes. Mustâve been a long day. The woman and your daughters finally reached your car, and the girls crawled into the back seat, buckling their belts.
âHi, Mommy,â your daughters said in unison.
âHi, Babies,â you said.
The woman leaned against your car window as you rolled it down.
âHi, Y/N,â the woman said.
âHi, Mrs. Park,â you said.
âIâm just letting you know that you will have to confirm with the board about whether or not youâre going to the Busan trip.â
âRight, right. Felix actually told me he should have an update by the evening, so Iâll let you know.â
âGreat. Thank you. Take care, Y/N.â
âYou too.â
Mrs. Park walked away from the car, and you started to put the gear into drive. You drove away from the school and started the drive home.
âIs Daddy coming to Busan?â Byeol asked, while yawning.
âHe said heâll let me know tonight,â you said, âAnyways, how was school, you two?â
âIâm so sleepy, Mommy,â Nari said and followed with a yawn.
âLong day?â
âMmmhmm.â
âThatâs okay, Baby. You can take a nap before doing homework.â
You pulled up to your house, and the girls immediately walked out of the car and headed inside. You sighed and immediately made your way to the kitchen. The girls were probably very hungry after a long day at school, and by God, you also were. You checked the fridge to see if there was any leftover food. Surprise, nothing was there. You sighed. Now, you had to take a couple of minutes to figure out what your girls were in the mood for eating.
âGirls!â You called out.
âYes, Mommy?â Nari asked from the stairs. The girls were probably going up to their room as they usually do.
âWhat do you both want for dinner?â
âUhhh, anything, Mommy,â Byeol said.
âAnything? Are you sure?â
âWait, Mommy, I want fish!â Nari interjected.
âFish?â You didnât really have a full fish to cook. However, you checked the pantry to see if there was any canned fish left from the time you made the girls' rice balls. There were a couple of cans left. Not a lot, but itâll make do, you suppose. âUhhhâŠI only have the canned fish if you want something with that.â
âUhhh, can you make a sushi bake?â
âA sushi bake? Byeol, do you want one too?â
âSure, Mommy,â Byeol said.
Once your daughters gave you the green light, you immediately grabbed all the ingredients from the pantry and got to work. You were a little thankful that they asked you to make something a little simple, because almost all the energy was slowly depleting from you.
Too much happened in one day. Waking up at 6:00 A.M, making breakfast and lunch for the girls, dropping the girls off at school, work, Jack coming in, Jack kissing you, Felix catching you both, your less-than-pleasant talk with Felix, Jack kissing you again, picking up the girls from school, and now cooking. You just wanted to lie down on the couch and rot. The oven was preheating. You washed and put all the rice in the rice cooker and just let that run. You needed to lie down for at least a little while. Maybe have a drink.
The wine Jack gave you was in the fridge. You grabbed a glass and poured yourself some of the wine. It was a deep red, like blood ringed out of a beating heart. The smell was still strong like the previous night, which you didnât mind. Maybe you did want something strong after a long day anyway. You sipped on the wine, letting that flavor bubble and settle on your tongue. You drank more, and your head was feeling a little light. You put down the glass for the sake of not ending up drunk while cooking.
The rice was done, and you went ahead to assemble the layers for the sushi bake. You put the rice in the bottom of the dish and then topped it off with the canned fish, spicy mayo, and all the other necessary toppings. You then put the dish in the oven to bake, and you returned to savoring your drink. Red flushed your face, and you were a little thankful that Jack gifted you that bottle. It really was special. Maybe you would accept a joyride from him. A joyride in that sexy convertible. Itâs been a while since someone made your head spin. The last time that happened was on your honeymoon with Felix.
Right.
Of course, everything had to circle back to him.
But damn, did you remember that trip? Felix wanted to take you to Paris for the honeymoon. So many romantic spots he chose. So many restaurants he held your hand at. So many thrilling rides on the motorbike he rented. You were holding onto him for dear life, screaming from the adrenaline pumping in your veins, but damn, was Felix so smooth with riding that motorbike. You remembered him laughing at how frizzy your hair got afterward, and when you pouted and lightly punched his chest, Felix smiled softly and kissed your pouty lips.
âAwww, donât worry, Baby,â Felix said, âI was just teasing. Your hair always looks good, frizzy or not.â
âYou better mean it, Banana Head,â you huffed as you crossed your arms.
âMy, my. Such foul words, Angel. I think I should teach you some manners.â
That damn smirk on his face. The way Felix held you close and kissed your blushy face under the Paris twilight. You remembered squirming from how his hands expertly roamed your curves and whispered soft praises into your ear. Sometimes you would scream just out of excitement, and Felix would sweep you off your feet and carry you around like it was nothing. So many memories were like that. So many. Why did it all have to end? You couldnât even look at him with that same smile and giggle.Â
Your heart gained a thousand pounds and sank into your stomach. Salt was stinging the corners of your welling eyes, and you could feel your throat squeeze over nothing, as if a ghost was wrapping its hand around it. You knew why it had to end. You were the one who told him that you wanted to end things. You wanted this. You needed this. For your sake. For the girlsâ sake. For his sake. You felt like you shouldnât even be crying at all.
Beep!
Your spine jumped out of you when the oven started beeping loudly. The sushi bake was done. You sniffed and wiped away your tears from your red face before you reached for the oven mitts from one of the drawers. You turned off the oven, pulled out the delicious meal, and placed it on the kitchen island. The sushi bake was indeed delectable-looking. It smelled divine, it had the right amount of crispiness on top, and your stomach rumbled immediately. Alas, you had to give it at least a minute to cool, so you resorted to cutting up some green onions and sprinkling them on top, along with some extra spicy sauce.
âGirls! Dinner is ready!â You said.
Little footsteps traveled downstairs, and you quickly plated their meals. Once Nari and Byeol arrived at the kitchen, you handed them their plates of delicious sushi bake.
âAlright, alright,â you smiled. You went back to the fridge to grab two cans of cola and handed them to your girls. âEnjoy, little ones.â
Nari and Byeol happily accepted their little cola cans, and you grabbed a plate to help yourself to some of the sushi bake. You sat down on the third seat on the kitchen island and immediately dug into your second meal of the whole day, paired with the exquisite wine. The sushi bake really did hit the spot. It was crispy, spicy, and creamy. Just everything you wanted it to be. Suddenly, your phone vibrated in your pocket, and you pulled it out.
Felix: I talked with my manager, and I can go to Busan with the girls :)
You smiled a little. It was a relief, honestly. You typed in a response.
Y/N: thatâs great! iâll let the teachers and girls know.
Felix: Perfect.
Felix: AlsoâŠ
Felix: Iâm sorry for the way I acted today. It wasnât right of me.
You sucked in a breath, and you could feel a sharp pang in your chest.
Y/N: itâs okay.Â
You couldnât even bear to type in anything else. Let alone look at your phone. You took a deep breath before continuing to eat.
âYour father is going to Busan with you two,â you said.
âWait, really?â Nari and Byeolâs eyes widened.
âYep.â
âYaaayyy!â Nari clapped her hands.
âItâs going to be soooo much fun,â Byeol giggled.
âYes, yes,â you said, âNow finish up your food and go to bed.â
âOkay, Mommy.â
The girls finished their dinner before going upstairs to sleep, leaving you alone in the kitchen. After taking the last bite of your food, you put all the dishes away in the dishwasher and put the leftovers in the fridge. All that was left was the half-full wine glass. You drank more of it, feeling the slight buzz in your brain. You swayed a little and ended up on the couch in the living room, curling up underneath the soft throw blanket. Your face was so hot it mightâve been burning pink. You put on some show on the TV. It was a medical drama that was as good as background noise. You were just lying on the couch, letting all the sensations hit you. You were feeling woozy, hot, and just numb. You knew you were getting more messages in your phone, but you didnât have the energy to check it.
Felix: No, itâs not okay. I shouldnât have judged you. I hope that man treats you well.
Jack: When are you gonna call me back, Babe :3333
xâąxâąxâąx
It was the morning of the Busan field trip. Felix was relieved that his manager allowed him to take the days off. Every day was just the same routine: recording, rehearsing, attending events, photoshoots. Just constant work. If only he could come back to a home where his daughters would jump at him the moment he opened the door every single night. He sometimes wondered how his daughters would feel if they learned that he willingly gave up custody of them. Would they hate him then? Would they look at him like he was some traitor?
Of course, he supported you and the girls financially. He paid for the girlsâ education, he helped with the bills if your paycheck didnât come in on time, and when the girls grow up and go to university, he planned to help pay for their tuition too. Although he might still need to talk to you about that. Ever since the divorce, youâve been stubborn about paying for everything yourself. Every now and then, youâd tell him that he didnât need to cover your electric bill, and that you got enough money to pay. The only things he should worry about were the girls. Felix, of course, understood you, but damn, did he hate watching you stretching yourself so thin.
The dark circles under your eyes werenât ever lost on him. He couldnât forget how your shoulders were always slumped, and how you would try to massage or stretch out the knots under your skin. Your smiles seemed so forced now, the exhaustion was so clear in your voice, and your skin lost its signature glow. Hell, he couldnât take that image of you wearing his old hoodie and having your eyes so red-rimmed with tears and cheeks and nose all flushed off his mind. You claimed that you had wine and cried to some dog movie, but Felix couldnât help but think that you were lying. You always did to keep a strong front.
If only he could help like he used to. You didnât have to worry so much about money when he was home. Most of your tasks were cut in half, and you rarely felt any kind of stress. He wanted you to rest again. It wasnât healthy to be overloading yourself this much. But he couldnât step in. He shouldnât really. Youâre not his responsibility anymore, and if he tried to help you out, youâd only push him away for crossing a boundary that wasnât there before, yet deserved respect. The only thing he could do at that point was just support his daughters and pray that your new boyfriend would bring the colors that you were missing.
Felix was packing his small suitcase with enough clothes to last him three days and all of his toiletries. Once he filled up his suitcase, he took it downstairs to the small kitchenette and the living room. Seungmin was already cooking up some breakfast. The kitchen smelled of coffee and omelette.
âMorning, Sunshine,â Seungmin said.
âMorning,â Felix said as he checked the coffee maker. âTwo cups of coffee, right?â
âYeah, I made some for you.â
âThanks, Seungmin.â
Felix poured himself some coffee and added some sweetener and cream before going to the dining table.
âYouâre going to Busan, right?â Seungmin asked.
âYeah. Itâll be a three-day trip,â Felix said.
Seungmin took two plates of breakfast to the table. Felix grabbed one of them and started to eat.
âSounds fun,â Seungmin said, âActually, Jeongin was a bit jealous when he heard about your day off.â
âReally?â Felix asked, a soft smile creeping up his face.
âYep. He said, âI canât believe I have to go to Italy the same days Felix-hyung gets to go home.ââ
âAwww, poor Innie. Iâll say hi to his parents for him.â
âIâm sure heâll appreciate that. Iâm dropping you off at the campus, right?â
âYeah,â Felix nodded.Â
Once Felix and Seungmin were done with their breakfast, both of them got in Seungminâs car. Felix put his suitcase in the trunk, and he sat in the passengerâs seat. Seungmin pulled out of the driveway and followed the GPS to the school. Meanwhile, Felix just stared at the text messages on his phone. You havenât read the last text he sent. Were you that upset at him yesterday?
He mentally sighed. Felix knew he shouldâve just stopped himself from making that comment. Boasting to Jack about how well he knew you, how arrogant of him. Felix knew that he shouldnât feel sick while looking at you with another man, but he couldnât help it. It was like all that time he had with you meant nothing. What if Jack was going to be your next husband? A new father for your daughters. Felixâs stomach churned at the thought.Â
Suddenly, his phone chimed, and in came a text from you.
Y/N: iâm dropping the girls off at school.
Felix: Nice. Iâm on my way too.
âThis the school?â Seungmin asked, pointing at the building through the windshield. It looked just like any elementary school, but it was definitely the one Felix knew.
âYeah, that one.â
Seungmin pulled over at the parking lot, where a lot of parents were dropping off their kids at the field trip bus. Some parents joined their kids, while others were just dropping them off. You parked your car and stepped outside with your daughters. You were still in your pajamas. Those cute pink pajamas that had heart-shaped cherries on it, that he remembered so well. Your hair was a little frizzy, barely brushed. You looked like you just rolled out of bed. The girls stepped out of the car, wearing comfy clothes instead of their regular uniform.Â
Felix unbuckled his seatbelt.
âIâll see you later, Seungmin,â he said.
âIâll see you,â Seungmin said, âSafe travels.â
âThanks.â
Felix stepped out of the car and went to the trunk to grab his suitcase. Once Felix was away from the car, Seungmin drove away and back home. Felix looked ahead and saw that you were doing the same thing he did: gathering all the stuff the girls packed for the trip out of your carâs trunk. The suitcases were a little heavier than youâd like. You even told the girls to pack lightly.
âDaddy!â Byeol called out.
âHeâs here!â Nari cheered.
The two girls ran to their father, and Felix gave out a wide smile as he opened his arms wide for the girls to jump into.
âMorning, my Little Stars,â Felix said, âI told you Iâd come.â
Felix then saw you struggle to pull out the heavy suitcases from the car. He quickly dashed to you and helped you out.
âFelix,â you said, raising your eyebrows.
âLet me help you,â he said, pulling the suitcases and putting them on the ground. âDamn, how much did the girls pack?â
âClearly not lightly, as I told them. The teacher should be near the bus. Other kids and their parents are going that way.â
You yawned, and Felix smiled softly. You always yawned so cutely.
âNoted,â Felix said, âYou should rest, Y/N. You look tired.â
âI have work right after this, so I canât rest even if I wanted to.â
You said it so casually. As if the clear exhaustion wasnât really bothering you. Felix pursed his lips and sighed.
âPlease take care of yourself, okay?â
Your heartache returned once more. Your first instinct was to tell Felix to not worry about you, but you were just too tired to argue. He was right. You were tired. It was hard getting all the proper rest after bedrotting once the girls went to bed last night. You sighed.
âAlright. Iâll try and catch up on some sleep.â
You rubbed your eyes, and Felix softly smiled. He wanted to reach for your hair and touch it like he used to. He wanted to kiss your forehead, but youâd push him away. Youâd flinch before he could get closer.
âGood,â Felix said, before turning to the girls. âAlright, girls, letâs go.â
âOkay, Daddy!â The girls jumped, grabbed their bags, and ran to his sides.
Felix turned to you once more.
âBye, Y/N,â he said.
âBye, Mommy!â The girls said as they took their fatherâs hands.
âBye,â you said, waving as you saw Felix and the girls move farther away from you.
If only you could come along. But you already had other responsibilities on your plate. You yawned again, got back in the car, and drove all the way back home.
xâąxâąxâąx
You did try to catch up on sleep while the girls were away in Busan. You didnât have to wake up super early to make their breakfast and pack their lunches. You just woke up at the ideal hour of the day to get ready for work. The only thing you dreaded about the girls not being home was the uncomfortable silence in your house. A house too big for one person alone. So youâd just turn on the TV the moment you step into the living room. Not to watch anything but to just keep you company for a bit. Youâd drink some of Jackâs wine. The bottle is nearly empty, which might be a bit of a blessing because damn, the headaches were killing you.
You just needed sleep.
So much sleep.
But when was the last time you actually had a good sleep? You couldnât exactly remember. Youâve slept okay, but not okay enough for you to be well rested. You still had to use some kind of cream to keep your eye bags a little vibrant.
âHey, Babe,â he said, âAww, youâre already done with work? I was hoping youâd make my coffee.â
His hand didnât waste time and snuck around your waist to pull you close to his chest. Your cheeks glowed pink, and you could feel the air get squeezed out of your lungs.
âWell, my coworkers make amazing coffee,â you said, âSo you should still get some.â
âI prefer yours, Cutie,â Jack groaned playfully. âBut hey, now that youâre done with work, how about you hop in my car?â
âRight now?â
âYeah. Come on, Baby, itâll be fun.â
Jackâs grip on your hips tightened, and you squirmed and winced. You would push him away, but he was like a solid brick wall. An overly affectionate one at that.
âJack! I donât feel the prettiest right nowââ You said before you let out a high-pitched yelp, as you were suddenly lifted from the ground by Jackâs arms.
âPuh-lease,â Jack rolled his eyes. His lips met the column of your neck, and you only squirmed in response. God, for someone whoâs so lean, heâs fucking strong. Felix was, too, but at least he was mindful of his strength. âYouâre always pretty to me, Babe. Now come on, let me take you out for a ride. I can pay for any ice cream if we find a stand.â
âRight, right.â Jack laughed it off and put you back on your two feet. His hand landed on your hair and ruffled it a bit. âCome on now. The carâs waiting.â
âThank you. My buddy paid good money to get this one for me. Lifeâs been good since.â
âThatâs nice of him.â
Jack pulled out his phone and started to put on some music. You havenât heard this song in a while. It was the type of song that would play in the clubs, and everyone would bump and grind on each other. Jack shifted the gear to drive, and the car started moving. The shadows of all the city buildings were getting longer, the cool breeze kept your hair up in the air, and Jackâs speed was fast yet controlled.
âWhere are we going, Jack?â You asked.
âI donât really have a specific destination in mind,â he said, âJust relax and enjoy the ride.â
His hand found its way to your thigh, and heat flushed up to your cheeks. Jack turned up the music as he squeezed the plush of your thigh. His blunt nails were grazing the thin fabric of your black tights. You didnât realize how big his hand was until it was on your thigh. Your heart skipped a beat every time he would move his fingers slightly, but it would also drop to your stomach whenever he rubbed your thigh.
Felix did something similar before. It was one of your classic movie night dates with him. The girls were away at a sleepover at their friendâs house, so you and Felix took the liberty of going to the drive-in theater. The movie was some blockbuster hit. You couldnât remember it. All you could remember was how Felix kept his hand on your thigh while driving and while watching the movie. He would gently squeeze it, mindlessly rub it, or maybe tickle you if he wanted to tease. Youâd blush and squirm like you always did in your first five dates, as if that youthful joy you had in your freshman year of college returned to your body.
âFelix, stop!â you giggled as you spilled some of the popcorn in the car. âIt tickles! Iâm getting popcorn everywhere!â
âAww, alright, Angel,â Felix removed his hand from your thigh, grabbed the handful of popcorn that luckily landed on your lap, and put them back in the bucket. âI just like hearing your laugh.â
And of course, Felix would finish off by pressing a tender kiss on your temple before turning your head to kiss your lips. He would say that your laughs and giggles were music to his ears, and you would say that he was being a little hyperbolic. He would say that he wasnât in return. He meant every word he said. What would Felix even say if you were to bleed out your heart and stomach to him now? Would he still be as honest and gentle as before? Would he give you a tender kiss and make love to you like he used to?
âY/N? Earth to Y/N!â
Jackâs voice snapped you out of your thoughts. He parked at one of the parks, a little further away from downtown. The sky was less blue and had pink and orange hues. The club music was muted, for Jack was just staring at you with wide eyes. You couldnât tell if they were out of concern or offense. The familiar maggots of guilt curled and squirmed in your bones, and you noticed that your thigh felt cold without his hand.
âSorry, I dozed off,â you said.
âIâm taking you out for a ride, and you just doze off?â he asked. His voice was quiet and a little firm. Just like the one time he came over to your house. âGod, Babe, itâs like youâre not even here.â
âIâm sorry, Jack, I justâŠIâmââ
âI know youâre tired, Y/N. I know. Youâre working tirelessly hard to provide for you and your little girls, but that doesnât mean you get to mentally clock out when weâre out on a date.â
He didnât sound angry, but you could tell he was just by the way he was gripping his steering wheel. Jackâs fists were holding onto the handle for dear life until his knuckles paled. You could feel the heat and water rise to your eyes, as your throat tightened with an invisible swell.
âI didnât mean toââ
âWell, of course you didnât. Thatâs what you think when you ghost me whenever I try to text you, right?â
The tears began to pour from your eyes. He wasnât wrong. You did ghost him almost every time he tried to initiate anything with you. Youâd come up with the excuse of âI was too drunk to replyâ or âIâve been caught up at home taking care of the girls.â But you knew that this wasnât fair to him. It wasnât that he was bad. You justâŠ
âIâm sorryâŠâ You croaked, âI know this isnât fair to you. Itâs not that I donât like you, Jack. I justââ
âItâs that ex-husband of yours, right?â
You hitched a breath, and your heart clenched so hard that it might as well have shrunk. Jack scoffed.
âOf course it is,â he said. You couldnât even look him in the eyes. âYouâre still holding on, while he could be out there sleeping with anyone he wants.â
âFelix wouldnâtââ
âCheat on you? Well, thatâs the thing, Sweetheart. It wouldnât be cheating now, would it?â
Why did he have to say it so cruelly yet be right at the same time? Felix wasnât tied to anyone now. Who knows what he has been up to in his four months of freedom? He could have had a girlfriend, and you wouldnât have known. No one in their right mind would dare to deny anything he offered. You tried to wipe every single tear that streamed down your face, but they wouldnât stop coming. You couldnât even speak because it would just come out in sobs.
Jack sighed.
âWhatâs even so great about that guy? He left you.â
You clutched your invisible pearls, and you felt even more queasy. He left you. You wanted to say Felix didnât. It was a mutual agreement. There were conditions and clauses. Heâd pay for most of the expenses. The girls saw him almost every weekend. Heâd check in on you even when you didnât want it. He didnât just leave you and the girls for dead. You wanted to say everything, tell the truth, but all the words are trapped in your throat.
âI didnât think youâd want me like this,â were the only words you could muster up in choked sobs. âIâm sorry, Jack, butâŠJust take me home.â
âJust like that?â Jack asked, almost appalled. âYou are running away?â
âThis isnât going to work, Jack. I just want to go home.â
You cried more. All the tears were soaking your leggings, dress, and hair. Jack just stared at you. You couldnât even tell what face he was making or what he was thinking. He probably was looking at you with the same disappointment as the owner of a misbehaved dog. Jack let out a heavy breath before starting the car and driving away. The entire ride was silent. Neither of you were talking, the music was gone, and you tried to suppress your tears and calm your trembling body.
âYou really do love him,â Jack said, breaking the silence. It wasnât even a question. More like a statement. His tone reverted to that neutrality that made the eggshells underneath your feet more fragile. You wrapped your arms around yourself as you always did whenever you felt scared or sad.
âIâm a cruel person,â your voice cracked, and you tried to hide your face in your knees, as you brought them closer to you. âI told Felix I wanted the divorce because his life is so different from mine. I canât even be honest with my daughters about it all in the name of innocence. I wanted you just for casual sex, and I thought you felt that way, too. But I just led you on for nothing. I canât keep my shit together. I drink to forget him, but I cry myself to sleep because I remember my wedding day like it was yesterday. I get nauseous whenever I imagine him with someone else, but I let you grab me and kiss me as roughly as you wanted. You deserve someone better than me, Jack. Felix does too, butâŠI love him too much to let him go. Iâm really sorry, Jack. I didnât mean to hurt you like this.â
The tears returned, and your head was throbbing. Your face might as well be a waterfall. You quietly cried, burying yourself in your knees, letting every fabric youâre wearing soak up all the water. You felt like a child. A baby crying because all her favorite toys were ripped out of her hands so unjustly. Jackâs hand suddenly landed on your head gently, and he ruffled some of your frizzy strands. Your shoulders twitched and immediately relaxed. Your sniffles calmed down a little, at least.
âIâm sorry,â Jack said, âI know I shouldâve been gentler with you.â
âYou donât hate me?â you asked, âEven if I made you feel so used?â
âNo, Baby. I justâŠ.wasnât understanding. I judged you, and I got mad. Even though I never asked you to be my girlfriend. I just took you on whatever ride I wanted.â
Jack pulled up to the front of your house. Your car was still in the driveway, and you could see that some of the lights were still on through the windows. You unbuckled your belt, grabbed your purse, and before you could even get the chance to open the door, Jack took the initiative to get out of his seat and open it for you. You stepped out of the car, and now you were face-to-face with him, finally. Your face was probably still puffy, red, and tearstained. You were still holding back all the tears. Your heart was aching so much that it might as well be breaking like glass shattering slowly. Jackâs expression this time was soft. He looked at you like you were a lost girl in a scary world. It made you even sicker about all this.
âI guess this is goodbye,â you said weakly and sniffed. You used your long sleeve to wipe the tears and clear snot off your face.
âI guess it is,â Jack said, âI do want to say that I do love you, Y/N, even if you donât feel the same.â
âDonât say that.â
âItâs true, Babe.â
He came up to you and slowly pressed his lips against yours. It didnât feel as good as before.
âTake care of yourself, okay?â Jack said, âGoodnight, Y/N.â
Jack pulled himself away from you, and you could feel your heart break in half. Your watery eyes glistened under the streetlight lamps, and you tried not to completely collapse. Jack kept his lips pursed. He wasnât visibly happy or sad. He was justâŠ.accepting, but that didnât make it any easier to see him stepping back into his sexy convertible and starting the engine.
âBye, Jack,â you said.
And after the rev of an engine, Jack pulled away from the driveway, and now he was gone forever. Your shoulders were trembling, and you went back inside. The lights were still on, but that uncomfortable silence was heavy and thick in the air. Not even your cries could lift it completely. You went to your bedroom and just crawled into bed. All the weight youâve been carrying crashed down on you, and breathy, hitched tears broke out. Your heart pounded so much that your ribs could probably break. The fabric of your pillow got wetter and wetter with every teardrop. Why did everything have to end? Why was moving on so hard? Jack was nice. He wouldâve been the perfect lifelong partner if you werenât stuck in time.
You couldnât help but think about your last real argument with Felix. He was beyond exhausted and hungry from the packed schedules. You remembered how he just said that he had to go back to Paris for a Louis Vuitton event, but Byeol had her soccer match the same day. He rarely ever made it to those. Not even Nariâs ballet performances. So you got mad at him.
âYou never show up for the girls, Felix,â you said, âThat isnât fair. You want me to show up for you, but you canât show up for us?â
âI know, Y/N, butââ Felix said.
âNo, you donât know. You donât know how sad they get when they donât see you in the crowd. Hell, they get sad when youâre not home and somewhere else in the world without them!â
âItâs just a part of my job, Y/N.â
âYou could at least be more flexible with it! You can negotiate with your manager more. Honestly, it feels like youâre just leaving us behind for the spotlight.â
That hurt look in his face still haunted you. You knew that you didnât mean it, but you were just so mad that he wasnât home. And when you said that you wanted the divorce because you couldnât take it, Felix agreed. His lips were fixed into a frown, and you couldnât ever forget what he said to you.
âIf you truly think this is for the bestâŠfor you, me, the girlsâŠthen okay, Y/N. We can get a divorce.â
You cried so much that first night without him, but you didnât think that pain would stick with you for that long. You sniffled and softly cried moreâ
âMommy?â
You immediately bolted up in the bed, and you saw both Nari and Byeol standing at the bedroom door. They were wearing their comfy road trip clothes: just T-shirts and pajama pants.
âGirls?â You immediately tried to wipe your tears, but hiding your weak voice was impossible. âHow did youââ
âUncle Minnie just dropped us off here,â Byeol said.
âOh, okay. How was Busan?â
âBusan was so much fun! The teacher took us to all the museums and parks, and Daddy even got us to meet Uncle Innieâs parents!â
Your face fell again, and the girlsâ happy expressions faded when they saw yours.
âAre you crying, Mommy?â Nari asked, as her bottom lip jutted out to a sad pout. âYou look so sad.â
âOh, umm,â you wanted to say no. But it was of no use. The tears never stopped coming, your face was so red, and you couldnât even speak without it croaking or your chords straining. âIâm fineâŠcome on, you should go to bed, itâs late. Besides, you shouldnât be seeing me like thisââ
âItâs only seven oâclock, Mommy,â Byeol said, âBedtime is at nine.â
âWhatâs wrong, Mommy? You can tell us,â Nari assured.
The two girls walked over to the bed and joined you on the mattress. Their starry eyes were so wide with worry, and they had little frowns on their slightly freckled faces. They looked so much like their father up close, it pained you, yet you adored them so much for it.
âI justâŠitâs grown-up stuff,â you said.
âIs this about Daddy?â Nari asked.
These kids are more perceptive than I thought.
You sighed.
âYeahâŠâ You said, your voice now raspy. You took a heavy, shaky breath. âI miss him.â
âWell, why canât he just come back home?â Byeol asked.
âItâs complicated, Baby. He has his reasons, and I have mine. Youâll understand when youâre older.â
âBut Daddy loves you,â Nari said, her voice all hopeful.
It made your heart ache more. Only his darling children would say something like that. What if he stopped loving you, just as Jack said? You swallowed the invisible ball in your throat.
âI donât know if he still does,â you said, âHe loves you both, butâŠ.I donât know if he loves me now.â
Probably after all that traveling around the world.
The tears were welling up in your eyes again. The waterworks were working overtime today for sure. You couldnât even look at your daughters because theyâd probably end up crying. Byeol was already sniffling, and Nariâs deep frown wasnât going away. Those poor girls. You felt so powerless. All theyâve wanted for the past four months was for Felix to come home, and now, you werenât sure if he could.
âCan I borrow your phone, Mommy?â Byeol asked.
You looked at Byeol with wide, confused eyes.
âWhy?â You asked.
âI wanna call Daddy. We can tell him youâre sad and miss him. He can come and hug you.â
âI donât think thatâs a good idea, Sweetie. What if heââ
âPlease, Mommy,â Nari urged, âJust let us call him.â
Saying no to your daughters was easy at times, but damn, their puppy eyes got the best of your bleeding, broken heart. You grabbed your phone from your purse and unlocked it. You then opened your contacts, and with hesitant, trembling fingers, you clicked on Felix. The picture you had for his contact hadnât changed once since the divorce. It was that same picture you took of him at one of Australiaâs finest beaches. The sun was kissing his chiseled, honey skin, the breeze was running its delicate fingers through his wet, blonde locks, and the ocean was grabbing him by the ankles, pulling him closer. He had the widest smile and the brightest laugh. He really felt at home in that moment, and you felt at home when he grabbed you by your bare waist and pulled you to the salty blue waves right after taking the photo. You remembered scolding him for getting your phone wet, but at least it was in a special casing.
You pressed the call button, and there was a deep ringing between you and the girls.
Felix picked up at the second ring.
âYeah, Y/N?â Felix asked. His voice sounded deeper through the speaker, and your heart skipped a beat with every vibration you felt from your phone.
You opened your mouth, but Nari took the phone from your hand. Byeol leaned against her sister to look at the screen, as if Felix could see her.
âHi, Daddy!â Nari said.
âAww, hi, Nari,â Felix said, âIs everything okay?â
âMommyâs crying and says she misses you!â Byeol blurted out.
âByeolââ You said.
You wanted to protest, but it was too late.
âWait, what?â Felix asked. You could clearly hear the concern in his voice. âWhat do you mean sheâs crying? Is she okay?â
There was dead silence. Felix didnât have an immediate reaction to his daughter begging him to come back. He was probably processing everything the girls just told him and contemplating what he should do. Suddenly, you heard him take a deep breath.
âIâll be on my way,â he said, âJust keep Mommy company and make sure sheâs okay.â
âOkay, Daddy!â The girls said, âWe love you!â
âI love you, too. See you three soon.â
The call ended, and the girls cheered and clapped with their small hands. They couldnât help but jump around, saying âDaddyâs coming home!!â like they were preaching to an unsuspecting crowd. You just sat still on the mattress. You couldnât believe it. Felix was on his way home. The weight of it landed on your shoulders, and the overwhelming tears returned. How is he going to react to me like this, you wondered.
A half hour later, there were two knocks on the door.
Knock! Knock!
âDaddyâs here!â Nari yelled.
âDaddy!!â Byeol dashed out of your room, and Nari followed.
You jumped and immediately got off the bed to run after the girls.
âGirls, wait!â You called out, âBe careful!â
You ended up in the hallway, and you immediately stopped when your eyes found him. Felix was already hugging and greeting the girls, but you quickly noticed that he had crossed the barrier between the welcome mat and the house. His blonde hair was wet and a little messy, like he had just got out of the shower. He wasnât wearing anything fancy. He was just wearing his F1 Ferrari graphic tee and some red plaid pajama pants. You could tell he wasnât wearing any socks in his gray sneakers. He really was hurrying his ass over. His expression was soft, but his brown boba-like eyes were wide and full of worry. You could tell that he was analyzing your puffy, tear-stained face.
The air in your lungs thinned. Your shoulders were shaking ever so slightly. He came all this way for you. All because the girls told him you were crying.
âDaddy, Mommyâs there,â Byeol said, turning to point at you.
âOkay. Can you both go upstairs for me?â Felix asked.
âOkay, Daddy,â Nari said. The girls then ran upstairs. âHope you feel better, Mommy!â
Felixâs eyes met yours. Shivers were sent up and down your spine, and your heart was pounding like a loud drum. He walked towards you. For the first time since the divorce, this was the closest heâs ever been to you. Your eyes were so red-rimmed and puffy that God knows how long youâve been crying for. He could see the little tremors in your body, as if you were on the brink of completely breaking. Felixâs chest ached at the sight.
âFelix,â you said, your voice quiet and weak.
And within a single breath and without a second thought, Felix pulled you into his arms. Your face met his chest, and you immediately clung to his shirt. The tears began to pour again. Itâs been so long since youâve felt his warmth and smelled that spicy cologne. It felt like being brought back to the surface after drowning for so long. Your grip on his shirt was so tight that your knuckles paled, as if you were hoping that this wasnât just some dream.
âI got you,â Felix said softly against your hair. âLetâs talk, okay?â
You nodded and led him to your once-shared bedroom. Felix closed the door behind him, took off his shoes, and joined you on the bed. There was space between you both, but you wanted nothing more than to just rest your head against his chest and let him just cuddle you like he used to. But Felix still wanted to be respectful and not take full advantage of your current state.
His eyes met yours, and he kept his hands together, twiddling with his thumbs.
âEverything okay, Y/N?â He asked. His voice was so calm and deep with that Australian accent. âYou can be honest with me, Iâm not going to judge you. You know that, right?â
You put your hair behind your ear, and you took a few deep breaths. God, where could you even begin? Was everything okay? No, nothing was ever okay.
âI broke up with Jack,â you said. Your throat ached from the strain and guilt.
Felixâs eyes widened.
âWait, really?â He asked, âWhy?â
You nodded and sniffed.
âI wanted him for the sex, but he wanted more andâŠI just couldnât do it. He wasnât bad at all, butâŠ.God, how do I even say this?â
âIs it because of me?â
âYeah. I should be over you by now,â your wobbly lips curled into a deeper frown, and you sniffed as the tears poured. âBut I canât, FelixâŠâ
Felixâs heart dropped at the sight of your tears. You wrapped your arms around yourself as usual, as if you couldnât have his instead. Your face said it all: the exhaustion, the guilt, and the sheer love in your eyes. You might have always pretended that it was gone ever since the divorce, but if anything, it was too stubborn that it was hurting you.
âYou probably donât feel the same, but I still love you so much, Felix. I feel so incomplete and empty without you, and it just kills me.â
You wiped your tears with your sleeve, but Felix inched closer and gently caressed your wet cheek. You instantly leaned into his palm, and your hand was wrapped around his wrist, like it was all muscle memory.
âY/N,â Felix said, âEvery day I wondered just what I couldâve done to prevent all this. I couldâve asked my manager for more days off to spend more time with you and the girls. I couldâve just listened to you when you told me to stop overworking myself so much. I couldâve brought you and the girls along for some of my business trips. If I had done any of that, then maybe we wouldnât have to be apart.â
You could feel your heart swell, and your breath was not as steady as youâd hope. Your eyes were burning hot and wet as you nodded along to what Felix was saying. He wasnât over you either. You were on his mind constantly, just as he was on yours.
âGod, Iâm such an idiot,â you said, âIâm a cruel idiot. Why did I say I wanted us apart?â
âIt wasnât just you who wanted the divorce, Y/N,â Felix said, his voice getting a little shaky. gently rubbed his thumb against your cheek, catching any stray tears that trickled down your skin. âI agreed with you. I signed the papers. I didnât even try to fight for us to be together. We did what we thought was for the best of our family.â
âI was mad that you were away from home so much. And you were mad that I was mad.â
Felix let out a raspy, quiet chuckle.
âWe were both mad,â he said, âBut we didnât stop loving each other, right?â
âYou didnât try moving on?â You asked.
âI did try. Sometimes Chris or Hyunjin would take me to the bars. I flirted around a little, offered someone a drink or two, but I just didnât let it go anywhere. Even when I tried to hook up, I couldnât stop thinking about you. No one could hold me, touch me, or even kiss me like you. It was like my heart and brain couldnât work together. My brain wanted to move on, but my heart was still tied to yours.â
You pressed your hand on his chest, and you could feel his pounding heart against your palm. His heartbeat was the same as yours. You remembered when he once said your hearts were always in sync with each other, and that it was a sign you were soulmates.
âSame beat?â Felix asked, giving you a hopeful smile.
You smiled back, but it was only smaller. You nodded.
âYeah,â you said, âI donât think itâs ever changed. God, I fucking miss you, Felix. I miss what we had. I miss your touch, your kisses, yourââ
Felixâs lips met yours, and little sparks of electricity were shot throughout your body. It was like you were dying of thirst, and you just got all the water in the world. Your eyes immediately fluttered shut, and you kissed him back. The kiss was so tender, hot, and passionate. Felixâs hands were on your waist, and your arms were around his shoulders. God, the kiss felt so good you could cry. You whined a little before he released your lips to let you breathe. Your hearts were pounding against each other, and red flushed over your faces.
He rested his forehead against yours, and all you could do was just look at him with hopeful eyes and a smile.
âFelix?â you asked.
âYeah, Angel?â Angel. He hasnât called you that in a long while, and damn, you wanted him to do it again and again until you felt like you could fly.
âAre weâŠcan we?â
Felix nodded and smiled before kissing you again. He pressed you up further against him, allowing your body to fit so perfectly against his like a puzzle piece.
âWe can,â Felix said.
âAre you sure?â
âYep. Iâm right where Iâm supposed to be. Letâs just keep it quiet, so the girls wonât hear.â
Without wasting another second, you grabbed Felix by his shirt to pull him in for another kiss. The kiss this time was harder and hungrier, as if you were actively refusing to let this moment be a dream. Felix moaned against your lips, and you gasped when you could feel the growing tent in his pajama pants rub against your center. All the heat rushed down to your core, and your panties were sticking to your cameltoe. He kissed you again, and you were pinned to the mattress. Felix was hovering over you. His hands were gently wrapped around your wrists, his nose touched yours, and his heart was racing. He really was getting you back after all that time of just wishful thinking.
âYou really want this, Angel?â He asked.
âMore than anything in the world,â you said, nodding eagerly.
Felix softly smiled and kissed your lips again. He leaned back and peeled his shirt off, revealing his perfectly toned abs. They were as gorgeous as you remembered them to be. You loved the way his honey-toned skin glistened under the bedroom light, and constellations of freckles were scattered all over his body. God, he was so perfect. Felixâs hands then slowly traveled to the neckline of your dress. He was so meticulous and gentle with his fingers as they hooked onto the fabric and pulled down your dress, revealing your black bra and leggings. He didnât waste any time taking everything else off until you were completely bare underneath him.
Your cheeks got pinker than they were before, and Felixâs chest heaved. You truly were the most beautiful woman heâs ever seen. The only woman he deserved.
âYouâre so beautiful, Angel,â Felix said.
âJust as before?â You asked.
He smiled.
âYouâre even more beautiful now,â he leaned in to kiss you. âNo one compares to you, Honey.â
His lips traveled from yours to your neck. He nipped at the spot that always made you moan and arch your back. He then kissed your collarbones, all while his hands rested on your waist to keep you still. His lips traveled all the way down, finding all the correct landmarks that were your weak spots. It was like he still had your body memorized. Felixâs head was in between your thighs, and like it was muscle memory, his lips met your clit.
âFelix,â you moaned, biting your lip to try and keep it down.
âFelt good, Angel?â Felix smirked.
God, heâs so hot.
âMmhmm,â you nodded.
And Felix went for it again. Only this time, he didnât just kiss your clit. He sucked on it, using his tongue expertly and never failing to miss a spot. You moaned as your toes curled from the sensation. More heat rushed down to your body, and you were getting wetter, letting all that nectar drip into Felixâs mouth. He swallowed everything you were giving, moaning against your skin. His grip on your thighs tightened, and all you could do was throw your head back on the pillows and moan out his name like it was a prayer.
âFelix,â you whined.
âTastes so good, Baby,â he groaned in between licks and slurps against your walls. âI donât ever wanna let this go again.â
âThen donât!â
You moaned again, and you could feel the tight coil in your gut. Your chest heaved, and Felix could feel your clit throb like crazy on his tongue. You were about to go up ahead into the clouds, but Felix pulled away right before you could finish. You pouted and whined.
âFelix, why?!â
Felix gently pressed his index finger on your lips, closing them shut.
âCareful, Angel,â he said teasingly, âThe girls could hear you.â
You silently huffed, and Felix kissed your forehead.
âIâm gonna make you feel even better, Baby,â Felix said before he pulled down his pajama pants and boxers and tossed them to the floor, revealing his hard dick. You felt like your brain was short-circuiting at the sight. It was bigger than the Eiffel Tower. âYou like what you see?â
âYes,â you blushed and giggled, âAnd I want it in me, too.â
âWell, good thing that I love giving you what you want.â
Felix positioned himself between your legs. His hands found your wrists again, and within a single thrust, his cock slid back into your walls. You gasped from the sudden breach, and Felix moaned. Your cunt immediately clenched onto him for dear life. He was already hitting your sweet spot, and you could already see the stars.
âYou okay, Angel?â Felix asked.
âYeah,â you said.
âOkay. Iâm gonna move now.â
Felix started to move his hips, and his tip collided with your cervix every time. You whined and moaned with every hit. Your heart was pounding and singing. You wrapped your arms around him to pull him closer, and your nails dug into his back.
âYou like that, Angel?â Felix husked against your ear right before kissing it. âThatâs it, my good girl.â
âFelix, oh God,â you whined.
More heat pooled down your walls and thighs, and Felix moaned even more from just how tight your pussy was around his cock. It was swelling so much from the pleasure that it could burst any second. The tight pressure in your gut returned, and Felix wasnât slowing down. He wasnât even giving up on whispering soft praises into your ear.
âYouâre taking me so well, Baby,â he said, âFuck, you feel so good.â
âFelix, Iâm cumming,â you moaned.
âCum for me, Angel.â
Felix buried his face into the crook of your neck to leave a very passionate kiss, and with one final hit of his cock against your sweet spot, both of you came at the same time. A chorus of moans broke out from the bed, and the two of you stayed still, as the afterglow slowly landed on you. Your chests were heaving against each other, and you still could feel each otherâs heat under your fingertips. You held Felixâs face in your hands, still in disbelief that heâs finally home. Heâs finally home with you. Heâs finally home inside you.
You loved him so much you could cry. The tears were already falling from your eyes, and you let out the biggest smile you had in a while.
âI hope this wasnât a dream,â you said.
Felix smiled warmly and kissed your wrists.
âGood thing that it wasnât,â he said, âWhen I said 'till death do us part,â I really meant it.â
You laughed.
âGod, weâre crazy. Not even divorce could keep us apart. At least, not for too long.â
âWeâre a bit stubborn,â Felix casually said before kissing your lips.
âSo does this mean we can have another wedding?â
Felixâs eyes widened, but he softly laughed and smiled widely.
âI was hoping youâd ask that,â he said, âYes, Angel, Iâll marry you again.â
You cheered and pulled him closer for another kiss, but this time, it was more passionate and hard.
âGod, I love you so much, Felix,â you said, âAnd the wedding doesnât have to be big like the last time.â
âYeah, we can just go to the courthouse. And maybe elope in the park with just the girls and members around.â
âThat sounds perfect.â
Felix kissed you again, and you didnât think that you ever stopped kissing and holding him for the rest of the night.
xâąxâąxâąx
You never thought youâd have a second wedding ever in your life. You didnât even think youâd have a second wedding with your first husband. But yet there you were, standing holding a bouquet of forget-me-nots and white roses, while wearing your old wedding dress. It was still beautiful after all those years. Not only did it still sparkle under the sunlight, but it still fitted you like a glove. The dress had the long tails of silk fabric falling from your waistline to the train, and the Bardot sleeves were a little poofy and perfectly exposed your lovely shoulders.
The thin white veil was pulled away from your face, and now all you could see was that same freckled face with a sunshine smile. His blonde hair was as fluffy as ever, and his black suit and tie. There was even a forget-me-not in his breast pocket to match your bouquet. Cherry blossom petals were delicately falling like snow over you and everyone else in the park, as the sunbeams perfectly cast themselves on you and Felix like spotlights on a stage play.
âYou look beautiful,â Felix said.
You blushed and smiled. You couldnât stop smiling because your heartâs never felt so full.
âThanks,â you said, âYou look handsome as ever.â
âWhat will I do without you?â
God, Felix wanted to kiss you, but of course, he couldnât yet. A man wearing a black button-down and matching trousers stood between you and Felix. He swooped his hand through his ginger hair and opened his slim black notebook.
âYou ready?â the man asked.
âYes, Jeongin, weâre ready,â Felix said.
Jeongin cleared his throat before looking at the messily handwritten notes he had made last minute.
âWelcome, everyone,â Jeongin started, before taking a deep breath. It wasnât every day heâd be the one to officiate a wedding. âAnd by everyone, I meanâŠall my hyungs and the little girls.â
âYay, Uncle Innie!!â Byeol and Nari cheered as they jumped up and down in their cute, baby blue dresses. The park really did make them lively.
Jeongin laughed a little before continuing his speech.
âWe are gathered here today to celebrate the reunion of Y/N Y/L/N and Lee Felix. Iâll spare you all the details because we already knowâa little too well, I might addâbut let us take a moment to acknowledge the true, persistent love these two share. Even when you were both on your separate paths, making attempts to start new beginnings with others, your love for each other never truly died. Y/N always made the effort to have Felix present just for their daughters because she knew he loved them dearly, and Felix always expressed care and concern for Y/N when she needed it. Thereâs something to admire there, and I am wholeheartedly happy to help make this reunion happen.â
Jeongin leaned in towards Felixâs ear.
âDid you write your vows?â he asked.
Felix nodded.
âThe couple has prepared their vows,â Jeongin said, âWhich one of you wants to go first?â
âI can go first,â you said.
Jeongin nodded, and you pulled out the piece of paper that had been hidden in your bouquet. You looked at Felix in the eyes, and your heart was pounding like crazy.
âLee Felix,â you said, âThereâs so much I want to say to you, but I donât think any words would be enough to describe the love I have for you. I mean, I love you so much that I couldnât ever let you go. We have created a beautiful life in the past: a lovely house, two beautiful daughters whose eyes beam at the sight of you, and countless memories that the strongest wine couldnât ever make me forget. When you were away from home, I slowly realized just how empty everything felt, like it was a constant rainy day. But the moment you came back for me, I realized that the only way a rainy day can end is if the sunshine breaks through those dark clouds. You are my sunshine, Felix, and I will forever be thankful that you still chose me, despite everything. I vow to be an even better wife this time. Iâll support you in your endeavors, Iâll come along to all those tour stops with the girls, and Iâll cherish you even more than ever.â
Felixâs eyes were watery, and he wiped some of his stray tears.
âGod, I love you,â Felix said, âI was going to say the same thing. I love you more than anything, my Angel, and I vow to show it to you every single day. Iâll share more of my world with you because in every universe, youâre always going to be my wife, and nothing can truly seperate us.â
Damn, even you were crying.
âWill the bride and groom please join hands?â Jeongin asked, âOr at least thatâs how I think it goes.â
Your hands linked with Felixâs, and you both stared into each otherâs eyes.
âDo you, Y/N, vow to support Felix in his endeavors, come along on his tours with your daughters, and cherish him more than ever?â Jeongin asked.
âI do,â you said.
âAnd do you, Felix, vow to show your deep love to Y/N every single day and include her in your world instead of pushing her away?â
âI do,â Felix said.
âOf course, you do, Yongbok-hyung. Anyways, I now pronounce youâŠhusband and wife. Again. You may kiss the bride.â
And within a millisecond, Felix pulled you by the waist and pressed his lips against yours. Applause erupted among the small crowd. Changbin was whistling loudly, Chan was crying his eyes out, and the other members were just looking at the couple with immense pride.
âDid you think theyâd get back together?â Han asked as he leaned against Hyunjin.
âWell, of course,â Hyunjin said, âIâm surprised it took them four months.â
âYeah, I thought it was gonna be in a week,â Minho commented.
âMy dormâs gonna be a bit quiet though,â Seungmin sighed, âBut you know, Iâm happy for Yongbok.â
âLove wins all!â Chan cried out as he wiped his tears.
âLETâS GO, YONGBOKKIE!â Changbin hollered out, followed by whistling.
All the members clapped and cheered again. You and Felix stopped kissing for a moment just to take a small breather.
âWhich wedding did you prefer?â Felix asked, âOur first one or this one?â
âUmmâŠâ you looked off to the side, feigning ponderance. âThe first wedding was really fun. I mean, we were in Australia, your family got to meet mine, and the beach sex was goodââ
Felix snorted and laughed.
âHey!â You said with fake offense, âIâm just being honest!â
âI know, Angel, I know,â Felix said, âIâm not disagreeing with you. But yes, our first wedding was the best one?â
âWell, before you interrupted me with that silly laugh of yours, I was going to say that this wedding represented our love way better than our first one. The first wedding might have been fun, butâŠ.this one wouldnât have happened if I didnât realize how much I love you.â
Felix softly smiled and kissed your forehead.
âHow do you always take the words out of my mouth?â He asked.
âWeâre soulmates, duh,â you giggled, ââTill death do us part.â
ââTill death do us part.â
And just like that, you and Felix have signed your new marriage certificates. You still couldnât believe it. The house was lively again. The girls were running around and watching cartoons. Felix was joining them in their fun playing board games. The whole family would have the same movie nights, watching some wholesome princess movie. And Felix would keep you in his arms underneath your sheets, sheilding you from the biting night cold. This might have been some dream, but if that was the case, then you wouldnât ever want to wake up.
Thankfully, it wasnât a dream. You woke up next to him as the sunlight peeked through the window blinds. You both were wearing the same wedding bands from ages ago, and the girls were banging their arms on your bedroom door, begging you both to take them to the park. You were right where you were supposed to be: at home with Felix.
On a stormy evening after a group project, college student y/n finds herself soaked and stranded with her childhood best friend, Yang Jungwon.
Warning : jungwon!bestfriend x femreader 18+ MDNI , slight cursing, Smut, Fluff, College AU, Best Friends to Lovers, Unprotected Sex (raw), Multiple Rounds (missionary, cow girl ) , Fingering, Oral (69), Dirty Talk, Teasing, Slight Size Kink, Possessiveness, Fluff-to-Smut.
word count ( 6.6k )
listen to me while reading
you were sitting at an outdoor table on campus, surrounded by trees and a natural atmosphere. Youâre a college student currently taking Business Administration.
you were hovering over your laptop and textbooks since you were supposed to be doing a group project. Well, supposedly. The rest of your classmates had left early, complaining and making excuses that they had a long bus ride, meaning they had to leave earlier. You knew a few of them were just tired, and some intentionally just wanted to get out of there.
But across from you, Yang Jungwon â your best friend since childhood â was still there, calmly typing on his laptop, helping you finish the slides without complaint.
He was always like that. Popular, smart, quiet but friendly, the campus gentleman with those sharp cat-like eyes and the killer left dimple that appeared every time he smiled. Half the girls in your department were probably jealous you got to sit across from him like this.
You leaned back and sighed. âJungwon-ah⊠you couldâve just gone home early, you know. You didnât have to stay this long.â
He looked up, one eyebrow raised, that signature dimple flashing as he smirked.
âItâs a school project, y/n,â he said, voice teasing. âAnd I donât want my favorite pain in the ass doing it all by herself. Who else is gonna make sure you donât put wrong data in the charts?â
You rolled your eyes but couldnât stop the smile tugging at your lips. âYeah, yeah. My hero.â
âThatâs right,â he grinned, leaning forward. âYou should be nicer to me. Iâm sacrificing my precious nap time for you.â
you few hour's had past it was already getting darker, dark blue sky you glanced at your phone and check the time it was already 6:25 pm..
you glance back at jungwon, "jungwon I'll just finish the rest.. let just go home it's getting darker", jungwon didn't seem to be bothered he nodded started gathering his things too, helped with yours too.
when things finally settled, you started walking side by side, you had to leave right away since you still have to walk outside the campus from were your apartment is. while jungwon has its own dorm inside campus, both of you heard sound of the rain already approaching, within a sec you both were soaked was by rain.
the rain came down hard and sudden, soaking through your clothes in seconds. You hissed in frustration, clutching your backpack tighter against your chest.
âShit⊠my laptop!â you hissed.
Jungwon let out a short laugh despite the rain, water dripping from his hair. âCome on, drama queen! My dormâs closer. Run!â
Before you could protest, he grabbed your hand â his grip warm and firm even through the cold rain â and pulled you along with him. You both sprinted through the dimly lit campus paths, shoes splashing against puddles. His broad shoulders tried to shield you a little, but it was useless. your oversized plaid shirt was now glued to your body, and your wide-leg pants felt like they weighed ten kilos.
By the time you reached his dorm building, you were both laughing and panting. He quickly swiped his keycard, held the door open for you like the gentleman he was, and you rushed inside.
the warm light and sudden quiet after the roaring rain felt heavenly. Jungwon shook his hair like a wet puppy, droplets flying everywhere, then turned to you with a playful grin. His white shirt was now see-through, clinging to his shoulders and chest.
âYou look like a drowned cat,â he teased, eyes sparkling with mischief. âA very cute drowned cat, though.â
You were still clutching your backpack to your chest, cheeks warming up. âYa⊠Jungwon, itâs fine. Iâll justââ
âShower,â he cut you off, already walking toward his closet. âNo arguments. Youâre soaked and Iâm not letting you get sick. Iâll lend you clothes. Mine will be big on you but way better than walking home like that.â
He tossed you one of his hoodies and a pair of sweatpants, then tilted his head with that signature dimpled smile.
âUnless you want me to join you in the shower to save water? Best friend privileges,â he joked, winking.
Your eyes widened. âYang Jungwon!â
He laughed â bright and boyish â clearly enjoying how easily he could fluster you.
âKidding. Mostly.â He nodded toward the bathroom. âGo warm up. Iâll dry your stuff and order something to eat. Youâre not leaving until the rain stops anyway.â
He leaned against the wall, arms crossed, still dripping but looking annoyingly good even like this.
âHurry up, y/n. Or I really will come drag you in there myself.â
âDon't try...â you warned, raising a small fist at him threateningly as you backed toward the bathroom. âIâm serious, Yang Jungwon. No funny business.â
Jungwon just grinned, that left dimple deepening as he lifted both hands in mock surrender. âWouldnât dream of it,â he said, though his cat-like eyes clearly said otherwise. âGo warm up, y/n. Iâll behave⊠for now.â
You rolled your eyes and quickly slipped into the bathroom, heart beating a little faster than usual.
After a nice warm shower, you changed into the clothes Jungwon lent you â his oversized black hoodie that reached mid-thigh and a pair of gray sweatpants you had to roll at the waist. They smelled like him. You sat on the edge of his bed, still gently ruffling your damp hair with a towel when he came out of the bathroom a few minutes later.
Jungwon had changed into a simple white t-shirt and black sweatpants. A towel was draped over his head as he ruffled his own hair, making it messy in that annoyingly cute way. He walked over and casually plopped down right beside you on the bed, close enough that your knees almost touched.
Without saying anything, he reached over and took the towel from your hands, continuing to gently dry your hair for you.
You froze for a second, then let out a soft laugh. âJungwon⊠I can do it myself.â
He didnât stop. His fingers moved carefully through your hair gently, as he tilted his head with a small smile.
âLet me,â he said softly, voice warm.
You stayed quiet, letting him. The room was filled with only the sound of rain still pouring outside and the faint rustle of the towel. After a moment, Jungwonâs smile turned a little nostalgic.
âYou know⊠this reminds me of when we were five,â he murmured, still drying your hair. âYou got all stubborn and ran out to play in the rain even though your mom said no. We both ended up soaked and got scolded so badly.â
You let out a quiet laugh, remembering. âYou got in trouble because of me that day.â
âMhm,â Jungwon hummed, his cat eyes crinkling. âBut I still dried your hair after, just like this. Even back then you were already a handful.â He paused, then teased, âSome things never change, huh?â
You turned your head slightly to look at him, cheeks warming again. âAnd youâre still the same⊠always acting like my personal caretaker.â
He grinned, showing off that dimple again as he leaned in a little closer, pretending to inspect your hair.
âSomeone has to take care of you. Youâd probably catch a cold and blame me tomorrow if I didnât.â His voice dropped playfully, âOr maybe I just like taking care of you. Best friend privilege, remember?â
You nudged his shoulder lightly. âYouâre so cheesy today.â
âOnly for you,â he winked, still gently tousling your hair with the towel. âNow sit still. Iâm not done yet.â
You slowly raised both hands and rested them on the bed for balance, smiling down at him even though he was still gently drying your hair. Jungwonâs fingers paused for a second, but you didnât let him finish. Instead, you reached for the towel still around his neck and started tousling his damp hair yourself.
âAnd remember,â you said softly, smiling, âI did the exact same thing to you back then.â
You leaned in a little closer as you dried his hair, your body naturally rising. His head ended up right in front of your chest as he looked up at you with those sharp cat-like eyes. You kept talking casually, completely unaware of how intimate the moment had become.
âYou always got sick easier than me, so I had to dry your hair like this every time you followed me into the rain. Remember? Youâd complain the whole time but still let me do it.â
Jungwon didnât answer right away. Instead, his hand slowly moved to rest on your waist, holding you firmly in place. His grip was warm and steady through the oversized hoodie you were wearing. He kept looking up at you, his usual playful smile fading into something softer in his eyes.
You finally noticed.
The playful words died on your lips as your eyes met his. The two of you stared at each other for a long moment â longer than best friends probably should. The sound of rain drumming against the window filled the quiet room.
You slowly lowered your hand, letting the towel rest around his neck. Jungwonâs free hand moved from your waist to gently touch your shoulder, then brushed a strand of damp hair away from your cheek. Both of his hands eventually cupped your face, thumbs lightly stroking your skin.
Your breath caught. Without thinking, you slid your hands around his neck, steadying yourself as you both leaned in closer⊠closerâŠ
Your foreheads rested together. The warmth of his skin, the familiar scent of his shampoo, the way his breath brushed your lips â everything felt electric.
Then, slowly, naturally, like it had been waiting for years, Jungwon tilted his head just slightly and kissed you.
It was soft at first. Gentle. A careful press of his lips against yours, almost testing if youâd pull away. When you didnât â when you kissed him back â the kiss deepened, his hands still cradling your face like you were something precious.
He tasted warmth inside you.
When you finally pulled back just enough to breathe, Jungwonâs cat eyes were half-lidded, his left dimple barely showing as he gave you a small, almost shy smile.
ââŠTook us long enough, huh?â he whispered, voice a little husky, thumb still brushing your cheek. âMy stubborn best friend.â
Before you could even answer him, before your brain could catch up with what just happened, you pulled him in again.
Your hands tightened around his neck as you leaned forward and kissed him once more â this time with a little more confidence and little more need. Jungwon let out a soft surprised sound against your lips before melting into it, his arms wrapping fully around your waist and pulling you closer.
The second kiss was warmer. Deeper. Less careful.
His lips moved against yours with that same gentle firmness he always had, but now there was a quiet hunger behind it. One of his hands slid up your back, fingers slipping under the oversized hoodie you were wearing, pressing against your warm skin. The other stayed on your waist, holding you like he was afraid youâd disappear.
When you finally pulled back, both of you were breathing a little heavier. Your foreheads stayed pressed together. Jungwonâs cat-like eyes were darker now, half-lidded, and that famous left dimple appeared as he gave you a small, breathless smile.
âWow⊠okay,â he whispered, voice teasing, though slightly shaky. âIf I knew drying your hair would lead to this, I wouldâve done it every single day since we were kids.â
You let out a soft laugh, still holding onto him. Your cheeks were burning.
âShut up, JungwonâŠâ
He chuckled, the sound warm. He leaned in and placed a quick, playful kiss on the tip of your nose, then your forehead, before resting his head against yours again.
âYou know,â he murmured, thumb gently stroking your lower back under the hoodie, âIâve been waiting for you to do that for years. My stubborn best friend finally kissed me first. Iâm never letting you live this down.â
His eyes sparkled with that familiar mischief, but there was something softer underneath â something real.
âSoâŠâ he tilted his head, lips brushing yours again teasingly, âdoes this mean I can stop pretending I only see you as my best friend? Or are we still playing that game?â
He stayed close, arms wrapped around you, waiting for your answer while the rain continued pouring outside â like the world had slowed down just for the two of you.
You nodded slowly, eyes locked on his.
âNo more pretending,â you whispered.
Then you wrapped your arms around his neck tighter, pulling him even closer until there was almost no space left between you. Your noses brushed, and you could feel the warmth of his breath against your lips as you stared at him â really looked at him.
Jungwonâs eyes softened, but the playful spark was still there. His left dimple slowly appeared as he smiled, arms tightening around your waist in return.
âGood,â he murmured, voice low and a little husky. âBecause Iâve been pretending for way too long.â
He leaned in first this time, capturing your lips in another kiss. This one was slower, deeper, like he was savoring the fact that he finally could. One of his hands slid up your back under the hoodie, fingers tracing gentle patterns on your skin while the other stayed firmly on your waist, keeping you pressed against him.
When he pulled back just enough to speak, his forehead rested against yours again.
âYou have no idea how many times I wanted to do this,â he confessed with a soft chuckle, brushing his nose against yours playfully. âEvery time you smiled at me. Every time you teased me. Every single time we got caught in the rain together⊠I just wanted to kiss you.â
You laughed quietly, your fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.
Jungwon tilted his head, eyes narrowing in that cute mischievous way. âSo⊠does this mean youâre officially my girl now? Or are we still calling this best friend privileges with extra steps?â
He leaned in and placed a quick, teasing kiss on the corner of your mouth, then your cheek, then the tip of your nose â clearly enjoying how flustered he could still make you.
âBecause Iâm really hoping itâs the first one,â he added, voice dropping playfully as he hugged you tighter. âIâve waited since we were kids to call you mine, y/n."
You smiled softly, still wrapped tightly around him, and whispered against his lips.
âI have always been yours, silly.â
Jungwonâs eyes widened for a split second before that bright, heart-melting smile broke across his face â the one that showed his left dimple perfectly. He let out a soft, relieved laugh and buried his face in the crook of your neck, hugging you even tighter.
âGod⊠youâre going to kill me saying things like that,â he mumbled against your skin, his breath warm. He pulled back just enough to look at you again.
You tilted your head, still holding him close. âSo⊠what now?â
Jungwon hummed thoughtfully, pretending to think seriously while his hands gently caressed your waist under the oversized hoodie.
âHmm⊠good question,â he said, voice playful. He leaned in and gave you a slow, sweet kiss before pulling away with a smirk.
âWhat now is⊠I finally get to do all the things Iâve been holding back for years.â
He gently pushed a strand of your hair behind your ear, then rested his forehead against yours again.
âFirst, Iâm keeping you here tonight. No walking home in the rain. SecondâŠâ He kissed the corner of your mouth teasingly. âI get to call you my girlfriend. For real this time. No more just best friends excuses.â
He pulled back slightly, eyes softening as he looked at you with that gentle, fond expression only you ever got to see.
âAnd thirdâŠâ His voice dropped a little, more sincere now. âWe take this slow if you want⊠or not slow. Whatever youâre comfortable with. Youâve always been my priority, y/n. Thatâs not changing just because I can finally kiss you whenever I want.â
He grinned again, that playful glint returning as he lightly poked your side.
âBut fair warning⊠Iâm probably going to be annoyingly clingy now. You created this monster, so you have to deal with it.â
Jungwon leaned in and kissed you once more â soft, lingering, and full of quiet joy â before resting his chin on your shoulder, hugging you close while the rain continued falling outside.
âSo⊠girlfriend,â he whispered teasingly against your ear. âWhat do you want to do now?â
You stayed wrapped in his arms pulled him away for a sec, your faces so close that your breaths mixed. Looking straight into his eyes, something bolder took over. Your voice dropped to a soft, shaky whisper.
âIâve thought about it so many times⊠how youâd feel inside me,â you confessed, cheeks burning. âHow warm youâd be⊠how deep you could go.â
The words hung heavy between you.
You whispered those bold words against his lips, and something in Jungwon snapped.
For a second, Jungwon froze, his eyes darkening instantly. His grip on your waist tightened, fingers pressing into your skin like he was trying to steady himself. You could feel his heartbeat pick up against your chest.
Then you slowly pulled back just enough to smile at him â a shy but playful little smile, like you couldnât believe youâd just said that.
Jungwon let out a shaky breath, his left dimple flashing as he smirked, though his ears had turned bright red.
âFuck, y/nâŠâ he whispered, voice suddenly Husky âYou canât say something like that while looking at me with those eyes and then smile so innocently.â
His eyes darkened with want. Without another word, he pulled you into a deep, hungry kiss, tongues meeting as he flipped you both so you were lying on your back on his bed.
You tugged at his shirt impatiently. Jungwon helped you pull it over his head, then reached for the oversized hoodie you were wearing. Piece by piece, your clothes disappeared â his shirt, his sweatpants, your borrowed clothes â until both of you were completely bare, skin against skin.
He kissed you like he was starving, hands roaming over your body with a mix of gentleness and desperation. His lips moved from your mouth to your neck, then lower, leaving soft marks on your collarbone as he settled between your legs.
âBeen waiting so long for thisâŠâ he breathed against your skin.
You pulled him back up, kissing him hard as you felt him press against your entrance bare Raw.
Jungwon looked into your eyes, silently asking. You nodded, wrapping your arms around his neck.
He pushed in slowly at first, groaning deeply as he felt your warmth surround him. Inch by inch, he filled you completely, stretching you open until he bottomed out with a shaky breath.
âFuck⊠y/n,â he whispered, voice rough. âYou feel even better than I imagined.â
He started moving â deep, steady thrusts that pressed you harder into the sheets. You moaned, legs wrapping around him. Jungwon grabbed your thighs, pushing them back toward your chest, opening you up more as he fucked you raw.
Your hands moved to hold the back of your own thighs, steadying them just like he wanted, keeping yourself spread for him. You looked up at him â flushed cheeks, messy hair, that left dimple showing even now as he smiled through the pleasure.
Jungwonâs eyes were locked on yours, intense and full of emotion as he thrust deeper, the sound of skin meeting skin mixing with the rain.
âLook at me, baby,â he panted, leaning down to kiss you messily while still moving inside you. âBeen my best friend for years⊠now youâre finally mine. All mine.â
He picked up the pace, fucking you harder, pressing you deeper into the mattress. Every thrust was raw, warm, and perfect. His hands stayed on your thighs, helping you hold them open as he drove into you again and again.
You could feel every inch of him.
âJungwonâŠâ you moaned his name, eyes never leaving his.
He groaned, forehead pressed to yours, breathing heavy.
âThatâs it⊠keep looking at me while I fuck you,â he whispered playfully, even now, voice husky. âMy pretty girl.â
âFuck⊠fuck⊠fuckâŠâ you whimpered breathlessly, the words spilling out like a broken prayer as Jungwon drove into you harder.
You were holding the back of your own thighs tightly, keeping them pressed up and open for him just like he wanted. Every deep, raw thrust made your body jolt against the sheets, your voice cracking into soft, desperate moans.
Jungwon groaned above you, his cat-like eyes dark and locked on your face, watching every expression you made.
âShit, babyâŠâ he panted, voice husky and strained. âYouâre squeezing me so tight.â
He leaned down closer, folding you even more as he fucked you deeper â slow but powerful strokes that made you feel every inch of him. Skin slapped against skin, wet and filthy, mixing with the heavy sound of rain pounding against the window.
âLook at you,â he whispered hotly against your ear, one hand still gripping your thigh while the other braced beside your head. âMy pretty best friend⊠moaning my name while I fuck you raw like this.â
You moaned louder, eyes fluttering as pleasure crashed through you. âJungwon⊠fuckââ
He kissed you messily, swallowing your whimpers as his hips snapped forward again and again, burying himself to the hilt every time. The angle had him hitting that perfect spot inside you over and over, making your toes curl.
He pulled back just enough to look at you, sweat glistening on his forehead, that left dimple flashing even through his wrecked expression.
âYouâre so fucking wet for me,â he groaned, voice playful but dripping with lust. âBeen holding this in for years⊠and now youâre letting me ruin you like this? So good for me, baby.â
His pace quickened, thrusting harder, deeper, pressing your thighs further back as he fucked you into the mattress. Your moans turned into high-pitched whimpers, body trembling beneath him.
Jungwon pressed his forehead to yours, breathing heavily.
âTell me if itâs too much,â he murmured, even as he kept pounding into you, âbut fuck⊠I donât want to stop. You feel too perfect.â
He kissed you again, swallowing another string of âfuck⊠fuckâŠâ that fell from your lips, hips never slowing down.
âFuck⊠fuck⊠fuckâŠâ you kept whimpering, voice breaking with every deep thrust as Jungwon fucked you raw, your hands still gripping the back of your thighs to keep yourself spread open for him.
Jungwonâs pace became more intense, hips snapping harder as he felt you clenching around him.
âJungwonâŠâ you moaned loudly, eyes glassy with pleasure. âJungwonâŠ!â
âThatâs it, baby,â he groaned, voice rough and low. He leaned down, pressing his chest against yours while still holding your thighs open. âCum for me. Let me feel you.â
He angled his hips and started hitting that perfect spot relentlessly, faster and deeper. Your moans turned into broken cries as the pressure built unbearably tight inside you.
âJungwonâ!â you gasped sharply, body suddenly tensing.
You came hard around him, thighs shaking in your own grip as waves of pleasure crashed through you. Your walls pulsed and squeezed him tightly, making Jungwon groan deeply, he fucked you through your orgasm.
âFuck, youâre so tight when you cumâŠâ he panted, kissing your neck messily while still moving inside you, slower now to let you ride it out.
You were still trembling when you finally caught your breath. Looking up at him with hazy eyes, you whispered breathlessly,
âLet me⊠take overâŠâ
Jungwonâs eyes flashed with surprise and excitement. He gave you a lazy, dimpled smirk even while still buried deep inside you.
âYeah?â he breathed, leaning down to kiss you once before pulling out slowly, making you both hiss at the loss.
He rolled onto his back beside you, his hard cock glistening and flushed. You didnât waste time â you climbed on top of him, straddling his hips. Jungwonâs hands immediately found your waist, guiding you as you hovered over him.
âGo on then, baby,â he said, voice husky and teasing, though his eyes were blazing. âTake over. Use me however you want.â
You wrapped your hand around his length, lining him up before slowly sinking down onto him again, taking every inch until he was fully inside you once more. The new angle made both of you moan.
Jungwonâs head fell back against the pillow, hands gripping your hips tightly.
âShit⊠you look so good on top,â he groaned, watching you with hooded eyes. âRide me, y/n. Show your best friendâ fuck, your boyfriend how badly youâve wanted this too.â
He gave you that signature playful smirk even while breathing heavily, thumbs stroking your skin encouragingly.
You braced your hands on his chest and started riding him, rolling your hips in a steady rhythm, taking him deep with every movement. Jungwonâs grip on your waist tightened, fingers digging into your skin as he watched you with hungry eyes.
âCum for me pleaseâŠâ you moaned breathlessly, voice shaky as you bounced on his cock. âBaby⊠Jungwon pleaseâ cum inside meâŠâ
Jungwon groaned loudly, his head pressing back into the pillow for a second before he snapped his gaze back to you. That left dimple appeared as he smirked through the pleasure.
âFuck, y/n⊠youâre so dirty when you want something,â he rasped. âBegging your best friend to fill you up like this?â
He sat up slightly, wrapping one strong arm around your back while the other gripped your hip hard, guiding your movements. He started thrusting up to meet you, driving himself deeper with every bounce.
âThatâs it, baby. Ride me just like thatâ fuck, youâre taking me so well,â he growled against your neck, biting down lightly. âYou feel so fucking good⊠so warm and wet. This pussy was made for me, wasnât it?â
You moaned louder, hips moving faster as he guided you, controlling the pace with his firm hands. Jungwonâs breath was hot against your skin, his voice dropping even lower.
âYou want me to cum inside you? Want your boyfriend to fill you up raw until itâs dripping out of you?â He thrust up harder, making you cry out. âBeen waiting years to breed this pretty cunt⊠and now youâre asking so nicely.â
He kissed you messily, tongues sliding together as he helped you ride him faster, deeper. His hand slipped between your bodies, thumb rubbing tight circles on your clit.
âCum again for me first,â he demanded playfully, even while panting. âI want to feel you squeezing my cock before I fill you up.â
The pressure built quickly. Between his thrusts, his thumb, and his filthy words, you came again with a broken moan, clenching hard around him.
Jungwon groaned deeply, hips stuttering. âThatâs my good girlâ fuck!â
He pulled you down hard onto him and came, pulsing hot and deep inside you. You felt every twitch, every warm spurt as he filled you up, groaning your name against your shoulder.
For a moment, the only sounds were your heavy breathing and the rain still pouring outside.
But Jungwon wasnât done.
He flipped you over onto your back in one smooth motion, still buried inside you. His eyes were gleaming with mischief and hunger as he looked down at you, a lazy smirk on his lips.
âAnother round,â he whispered, voice husky. He slowly rolled his hips, pushing his cum even deeper into you. âYou didnât think I was finished with you after one time, did you?â
He leaned down and kissed you deeply, already starting to move again â slower this time, but just as deep.
âLook at me, baby,â he murmured against your lips, that signature dimple showing. âIâm gonna fuck you all night. My pretty girlfriend deserves to be ruined properly, donât you think?â
Jungwon stayed buried deep inside you for a few more moments, savoring the way you were still fluttering around him. Then, with a slow, deliberate roll of his hips, he pulled out almost completely â only the tip of his cock resting against your soaked entrance.
You whimpered at the sudden emptiness.
âJungwonâŠâ you breathed, voice needy and slightly frustrated.
He smirked down at you, that signature left dimple deepening. Sweat glistened on his skin, but he looked far too composed for someone who had just fucked you senseless.
âHmm?â he hummed innocently, tilting his head. One hand slid down between your bodies, and he lazily rubbed the head of his cock up and down your slick folds, teasing your clit with every slow stroke. âWhatâs wrong, baby?â
You tried to roll your hips up to take him back in, but he pulled back just enough to deny you, chuckling softly.
âJungwonâŠâ you whined again, reaching for his shoulders.
He caught your wrists gently and pinned them above your head with one hand, leaning down so his lips brushed against your ear.
âSo impatient,â he teased, voice low and playful. âYou were just begging me to cum inside you like a good girl⊠and now youâre already desperate for more?â
He continued rubbing his cock against you â slow, torturous slides through your wetness, occasionally pressing just the tip inside before pulling back out again. Every time you thought heâd finally push in, he denied you with a soft laugh.
âLook at you,â he murmured, kissing along your jaw. âMy sweet best friend⊠now my greedy little girlfriend. Youâre dripping everywhere, y/n. Making such a mess on my sheets.â
He pressed in just a little deeper this time â only halfway â then pulled out again completely, tapping his cock against your sensitive clit.
âJungwon, pleaseâŠâ you gasped, squirming underneath him.
âPlease what?â he asked, eyes gleaming with that familiar teasing glint. He leaned down and kissed you softly, then pulled back before you could deepen it. âYou want me to fuck you again? Or should I keep teasing this pretty pussy until youâre crying for me?â
He rubbed his length against you even slower, watching your face closely, clearly enjoying every frustrated moan and whimper you let out.
âIâve waited years to have you like this,â he whispered hotly against your neck, nipping at your skin. âLet me enjoy my new favorite toy for a little longer, yeah?â
He finally pushed the tip back in, stretching you open again, but stayed completely still, refusing to give you the friction you desperately wanted.
âTell me nicely, baby,â he cooed, smiling against your lips. âBeg your boyfriend properly.â
âPlease⊠babyâŠâ you whimpered, hips twitching desperately under him. âI want you inside⊠please.â
Jungwonâs teasing smirk finally softened into something darker and hungrier. He let out a low groan at your sweet begging.
âFuck⊠how can I say no when you ask like that?â
He pushed back inside you in one smooth, deep thrust, burying himself to the hilt. You both moaned loudly as he filled you again. This time he didnât tease â he fucked you properly, harder, hips snapping against yours while he held your thighs open.
âSuch a good girl,â he panted, kissing you messily. âMy pretty girlfriend takes me so well.â
You went through a few more intense rounds after that â switching positions, him taking you from behind. The rain eventually stopped, but the sounds of your moans and skin slapping together filled the room for hours.
Eventually, you both ended up in a heated 69. You were on top facing backward, leaning down to take his cock into your mouth, sucking him eagerly while he had his face buried between your thighs. Jungwon groaned against your swollen pussy, sucking on your clit while two fingers pumped inside you.
âFuckâ just like that, baby,â he moaned, voice muffled as he licked and fingered you messily. âSuck me deeper⊠yeah, good girl.â
You whimpered around his length, hips grinding back against his tongue as he devoured you. Both of you were desperate and sloppy, chasing pleasure until you both came hard one last time.
The next morning, soft sunlight filtered through the curtains. You slowly woke up, body deliciously sore, voice raspy from hours of moaning and whimpering his name.
Your eyes widened when you realized how bright it was outside.
âJungwonâŠâ you called, voice hoarse and rough.
He stirred beside you, pulling you closer under the blanket. Both of you were still completely naked, skin warm against each other.
âHmm?â he mumbled sleepily, burying his face in your neck. Then his eyes opened slowly. When he saw the time on his phone, he let out a quiet laugh.
âShit⊠weâre definitely late for class.â
He rolled over so he was half on top of you, kissing your forehead, then your cheeks, then your lips gently.
âMorning, girlfriend,â he whispered with a playful smile, that left dimple showing. âHowâs your voice? Sounds like someone got properly ruined last night.â
You blushed, hiding your face in his chest. Jungwon chuckled and hugged you tighter, his hand gently rubbing your back in slow, soothing circles.
Aftercare mode was fully on. He kissed the top of your head and spoke softly.
âYou okay? Not too sore?â He gently stroked your hair. âIâll make you some warm tea for your throat. We can skip morning classes⊠or at least the first one. Iâll send a message to our group chat saying weâre finishing the project.â
He pulled back slightly to look at you, eyes full of warmth and affection.
âLast night was⊠everything,â he said sincerely, brushing his thumb across your cheek. âNo more pretending. Youâre really mine now.â
You smiled tiredly and nodded. Jungwon leaned in and gave you one last soft kiss.
âStay in bed a little longer, baby. Iâll take care of you today too⊠just like always.â
You shook your head, still curled up against him under the blanket, body sore and voice raspy.
âNo⊠we arenât even done yet. Get up, get up,â you said, poking his chest. âThe project isnât finished. We still have to meet the group today.â
Jungwon groaned dramatically, burying his face in your neck. âBut youâre sore⊠and I like you in my bed.â
âToo bad,â you laughed, pushing at his shoulder even though your legs still felt shaky. âResponsibility first, boyfriend.â
He lifted his head, eyes narrowing playfully at the new title. That left dimple appeared as he smirked.
âSay that again.â
âBoyfriend,â you repeated, cheeks warming.
Jungwonâs expression softened into something dangerously fond. He leaned in and kissed you slow and deep, like he was sealing the word into reality.
âFine,â he sighed against your lips. âBut Iâm helping you with everything today. No arguments.â
He stayed true to his word. After another gentle shower (with lots of soft kisses but no more sex), he helped you dry off and even carried you back to your apartment when your legs protested walking too much.
At your place, Jungwon sat on your bed and watched with a small smile as you changed. You slipped into the cute floral skirt that swayed gently around your thighs, a white tube top, and a soft cardigan over it. He stood up to help adjust the cardigan, fingers lingering on your waist.
âYou look beautiful,â he murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple. âStill canât believe youâre mine now.â
He walked you all the way to campus, hand in hand the entire time, refusing to let you carry your own bag.
When you finally reached the outdoor table, the rest of the group was already there. You sat down carefully â very aware of how sore you were â and Jungwon immediately scooted his chair right next to yours, arm resting along the back of your seat.
The group noticed the extra closeness right away.
One of the girls smirked. âYou two are extra attached today. Did something happen?â
Jungwon just smiled calmly, his fingers lightly playing with the sleeve of your cardigan. âWe stayed up really late finishing the slides. Right, y/n?â
You nodded, trying to keep a straight face. âYeah. Very long night.â
The others laughed it off easily.
âTypical Jungwon and y/n behavior,â one of the guys said, waving it away. âYou two have been glued together since freshman year. Nothing new.â
They had no idea.
Under the table, Jungwonâs hand rested possessively on your thigh, thumb drawing slow circles over your floral skirt. He leaned in close while pretending to look at the shared laptop screen, whispering softly in your ear.
âIf they knew I spent half the night buried inside my best friend⊠and that sheâs still sore because of me⊠they wouldnât be so casual about it.â
You pinched his leg under the table, cheeks burning.
âFocus,â you whispered back, but you couldnât hide your smile.
Jungwon just chuckled quietly, that killer dimple flashing as he turned back to the group and started calmly explaining the next part of the presentation like nothing had changed.
But everything had.
He stayed glued to your side the entire session â refilling your water, handing you pens, occasionally brushing your hair behind your ear. The group just assumed it was normal best-friend behavior.
Only you two knew the truth behind every soft touch and secret glance.
When the group finally wrapped up for the day, Jungwon leaned in again, lips brushing your ear.
âProjectâs done. Now can I take my girlfriend home?â His voice dropped teasingly. âIâll be gentle this time⊠maybe.â
He gave you that mischievous cat-like smile, waiting for your answer.
You turned to him with a soft laugh, reaching up to gently squeeze his cheek between your fingers. His skin was warm under your touch.
âAlright, alright, babyâŠâ you whispered, voice still a little raspy from last night.
Jungwonâs eyes widened for a split second in surprise, then softened with pure affection. That signature left dimple deepened as he smiled brightly, clearly loving the new pet name in public â even if the group couldnât hear.
The rest of the group was busy packing up their things, chatting among themselves, completely unaware of the intimate little moment happening right beside them.
Jungwon leaned in closer, his hand still resting on your thigh under the table, and murmured just loud enough for you to hear.
âSay it again later when weâre alone. I like how it sounds coming from my girlfriend.â
You rolled your eyes fondly but couldnât stop smiling. He helped you gather your things, slinging both your bag and his over his shoulder before offering his hand.
As the two of you walked away from the table, side by side under the late afternoon sun, Jungwon glanced back at the group once and then at you, his expression warm and content.
âBest friends to this⊠took us long enough,â he said softly, squeezing your hand. âNo more pretending.â
You leaned your head against his shoulder as you walked, the floral skirt swaying gently with each step.
âYeah,â you whispered. âFinally.â
Jungwon pressed a quick, sweet kiss to the top of your head, that playful sparkle still in his eyes.
âCome on, baby. Letâs go home. I still owe you proper aftercare⊠and maybe round⊠whatever weâre on now.â
You laughed and squeezed his hand tighter.
The rain from last night was long gone. The sky was clear, and so was everything between you two.
â holy moly anyways I hope you enjoy it anon (â ~â ïżŁâ Âłâ ïżŁâ )â ~ âĄ
‷ chan x fem!reader
àšà§ wc: ă6801 words ËËË
àšà§ cw:
Mature 18+, established relationship fluff, heavy teasing, intense dirty talk (both ways), physical intimacy, shower proximity, mild alcohol consumption, smut, and highly suggestive behavior.
àšà§ synopsis:
After months of grueling schedules, Bang Chan finally gets forty-eight hours off to entirely lose himself in the domestic comfort and fiery passion of his three-year relationship. When a sudden rainstorm traps them inside, a fancy date night dissolves into kitchen counters, candlelit teasing, and an unforgettable night that leaves them more deeply in love than ever.
The front door of your apartment didnât just open; it practically groaned under the weight of Christopher surrendering to gravity.
For three months, you had loved a ghost. You had loved a voice through FaceTime at 4:00 AM, a frantic text sent from a studio which was across the sea, a blurry selfie of a tired smile in a recording studio. But when the lock clicked and the heavy wooden door swung inward, the idol persona vanished. He dropped his duffel bag onto the hardwood with a dull thud, not even bothering to kick off his sneakers before his eyes found yours.
"Come here," he breathed. His voice was raw, a low gravelly thing scraped raw from flights and rehearsals.
You didn't even have time to cross the kitchen before he closed the distance. Chan didnât just hug you; he consumed you. His large, calloused hands hooked under your thighs, lifting you effortlessly off your feet until your legs automatically wrapped around his waist. He buried his face into the crook of your neck, inhaling so deeply against your skin it felt like he was trying to memorize your scent all over again. He smelled like airport air, expensive cologne, and the distinct, comforting warmth that was just him.
"Three years," he muttered, his lips brushing the sensitive skin beneath your ear as he swayed you slightly, his chest rising and falling in heavy, ragged sighs. "Three years of this, and I still feel like Iâm dying every time I have to leave you.... God, youâre so warm." he snuggles closer
"You're late," you whispered, though your fingers were already tangled deep in his messy, unstyled curls, pressing him closer.
"Traffic was hell, baby," he mumbled, a soft laugh vibrating against your collarbone. He set you down slowly, though his hands stayed firmly anchored to your hips, his thumbs rubbing small, possessive circles through the fabric of your shirt. His dimples finally peeked out, shadowed by a faint, attractive hint of stubble. "But I am entirely yours for the next forty-eight hours. No phones. No managers. Just you."
Before you could answer, his eyes scanned the living room, noticing the baskets of laundry youâd piled up and the slight clutter on the coffee table. Youâd been working overtime too, trying to clear your own schedule so you could match his.
"Tell you what," Chan said, a mischievous glint cutting through the exhaustion in his dark eyes. "We do a quick reset. We clear the space, clear our heads, and then..." He leaned down, his lips brushing yours so lightly it was agonizing. "...we don't leave the house until Monday..except the date tonight, i made reservations..." you nodded kissing his cheek a unsaid 'thenks baby' in return.
The next hour was a whirlwind of domestic chaos. Chan refused to let you be more than three feet away from him. When you went to fold the laundry, he took the other side of the sheets, turning it into a game of tug-of-war until you were both laughing so hard your chest ached. When you reached up to dust the top of the bookshelf, two large hands suddenly clamped around your waist, lifting you into the air like you weighed nothing.
"Chan! Put me down, I'm going to drop the cloth!" you gasped, your fingers gripping his broad shoulders for balance.
"Nah, you're doing great up there, sweetheart. Keep going," he teased, looking up at you with a cheeky, upturned grin, his bicep flexing hard against your thigh to keep you steady. He kissed your waist line through your sweatpants before finally sliding you back down his front, letting every inch of his body friction against yours on the way down.
By the time the apartment was spotless, a light sweat had broken out over your skin, your hair tied up in a messy, loose bun. Chan was leaning against the kitchen counter, his oversized black hoodie pushed up to his elbows, revealing the thick veins and pale skin of his forearms. He was watching you, his gaze heavy and unblinking.
"I need a shower," you muttered, wiping a stray lock of hair from your forehead. "I'm gross."
"Me too," Chan said instantly.
You rolled your eyes, turning toward the bathroom. "The shower is barely big enough for one person, Chris. Go use the guest one."
You walked into the bathroom, turning on the faucet and letting the steam slowly fill the small, tiled space. You peeled off your clothes, stepping into the spraying warmth, sighing as the tension of the last few weeks began to melt off your shoulders.
Youâd barely finished rinsing your face when the bathroom door clicked open. Through the frosted glass of the shower door, you saw his tall, broad silhouette strip down without a shred of hesitation. The door slid open, a blast of cooler air hitting your skin before Chan stepped inside, immediately closing the space between you.
The shower was small. With Chanâs massive chest and broad shoulders inside, the world shrank until there was nothing but the sound of rushing water and his heat.
"I told you to use the other one," you complained weakly, though you didn't step back.
"Save water, love. It's the right thing to do," he murmured in that thick, sleepy Australian drawl he only used when he was completely relaxed. He took the bottle of shampoo from the ledge, pouring it into his palms before reaching out. His large hands slid into your wet hair, his thumbs massaging your scalp with an agonizingly perfect pressure.
You let your head drop back against his chest with a soft groan, your eyes fluttering shut. "Okay, fine. You can stay."
"Thought so," he whispered. His hands moved down from your hair, his soapy fingers tracing the column of your neck, sliding over your shoulders. But as his hands moved lower, the domestic sweetness in the air began to shift. The water slicked his dark hair back, exposing the sharp, lethal line of his jawline. His gaze darkened, dropping to your lips.
"You know," Chan murmured, his voice dropping an octave, becoming rougher, thicker. He stepped closer, his wet chest pressing firmly against your back, pinning you gently against the warm, tiled wall. His hands gripped your hips, his thumbs digging in just enough to make you gasp. "I spent three hours on the plane thinking about how good it was going to feel to have you against these tiles."
A shiver ran down your spine that had nothing to do with the water. You turned around in his grip, your front now pressed against his, your eyes locking onto his. "Oh yeah? Is that all you thought about, Chris?"
Chan leaned down, his nose brushing against yours, his breath hot against your mouth. "No. I thought about how loud youâre gonna be when I finally get inside you. I thought about how much I missed hearing my name slip out of your mouth when you can't take it anymore."
You let out a shaky breath, your hands sliding down his wet chest, your fingers intentionally grazing lower, mapping the hard lines of his abdomen until you felt him twitch against your thigh. He was already rock hard, his heat pressing insistently through the rushing water.
"You talk a big game for someone who looks like heâs about to pass out from exhaustion," you teased, your voice dropping into a low, challenging purr. You arched your hips slightly, deliberately rubbing against him, watching his pupils dilate instantly. "Are you sure you can handle me right now?"
A dark, dangerous smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. His grip on your hips tightened until it almost bruised, lifting you slightly so you had to look up at him. "Don't fucking test me, sweetheart. I might be tired, but Iâve got more than enough energy to ruin you for the rest of the weekend. You think you can handle me when I'm like this? When Iâve been starving for you for months?"
"Prove it then," you whispered, your heart hammering against your ribs, your teeth catching your lower lip as you looked at him through wet eyelashes. "Stop talking and do something about it."
Chan let out a low, guttural growl, his forehead leaning against yours as he ground his hips into yours, making you whimper. "Not yet," he growled, his voice pure sin. "Iâm gonna make you wait. Iâm gonna make you beg for it tonight until your voice is as raw as mine. Now, please help me wash my back, beautiful, before I lose my mind and break my promise."
--
The cool bedroom air hit your damp skin, a stark contrast to the thick, humid fog youâd left behind in the bathroom. True to his word, Chan had kept his hands to himself after that agonizing showerâmostly. Heâd given your hips one last, heavy squeeze under the rushing water before turning you around so you coulf wash his back, his low, rumbling chuckles vibrating against your palms every time you intentionally slid your hands a little too low.
Now, the late afternoon sun was beginning to dip, casting long, lazy shadows across the bedroom floor. You stood in front of the vanity mirror, the soft fabric of your outfit draped over the bed behind you. âA proper night out, sweetheart,â heâd murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your wet shoulder before vanishing into his own closet. âSomewhere we can actually sit down, order a nice bottle of wine, and I can look at you without a clock ticking down.â
You chose a dress you knew he loved but rarely got to see you in. It was an elegant, emerald-green silk slip dress that hugged your curves in all the right places, stopping at your mid thighs. The back was entirely open, held together only by a delicate satin lace that required a frustrating amount of patience to tie by yourself.
As you stood there, trying to tie the strap behind, you caught sight of Chanâs reflection in the mirror.
He was leaning against the doorframe, already half-dressed in a pair of sharp, tailored black slacks. His satin ruby dress shirt was unbuttoned at the collar, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, exposing the thick veins of his forearms, a ring on his index finger, a silver watch on his wrist and glasses resting on his nose. He was holding a glass of water, but he hadn't taken a sip in minutes. He was just... staring.
His dark eyes traveled down the line of your spine, tracking the smooth expanse of your bare back where the green silk V-ed out. Chan swallowed hard, his throat bobbing. He mentally scolded himself, clenching his jaw as his eyes wandered lower, lingering on the way the silk clung to the curve of your hips. Get a grip, Christopher, he told himself fiercely. You promised her a nice dinner. Don't ruin it before you even make it to the restaurent.
But God, he loved you. It hit him in waves sometimesânot just a flutter in his chest, but a heavy, grounding certainty that settled deep in his bones. Looking at you right now, framed by the warm bedroom light, he didn't see a girlfriend of three years. He saw his future. He saw the woman he wanted to come home to when the stadium lights finally went dark for good. He was absolutely, unconditionally sure he wanted to marry only you.
"Need some help, baby?" his voice broke the quiet, his Australian accent thick and lazy as he set his glass down.
"Please," you sighed, dropping your arms. "This is actively trying to kill me."
Chan walked over, his footsteps soft against the rug. He didn't immediately touch the string. Instead, he leaned down, his warm breath fanning across your shoulder blades just a second before his lips pressed a slow, lingering kiss right between your shoulder blades. A helpless shiver ran through you.
"You look beautiful," he murmured against your skin, his hands finally coming up to gather the delicate satin lace. His fingers were large and calloused, but he handled the thread with an incredible, practiced gentleness. He slowly tied the back of the dress, his knuckles occasionally brushing against your bare skin, sending tiny electric shocks straight down your spine. he dropped another soft kissâone on your shoulder, one at the base of your neck, another right in the center of your back.
When he finished, he stepped around to face you. His eyes were dark, full of an intensity that made your breath hitch.
"Now for the hard part," you murmured, pointing toward the edge of the bed where your heels were sitting. They were a pair of black, strappy stilettos with long satin ribbons meant to wrap around your ankles.
Without a word, Chan smiledâthat soft, dimpled expression that always melted you completelyâand knelt down on one knee on the floor right in front of you.
"Chris, you don't have to do that," you protested softly, but he caught your ankle, his thumb rubbing the sensitive skin just above your heel.
"Shh. Let me," he whispered, looking up at you through his eyelashes.
You placed your hand on his broad shoulder for balance as he gently guided your foot into the shoe. He took his time, his large fingers carefully wrapping the thin ribbons around your ankle, crisscrossing them perfectly up your lower calf before tying them into a secure bow. He repeated the process with the other foot, his movements almost reverent. Before he stood up, he pressed a warm, lingering kiss to the top of your foot, his eyes locking onto yours with a look of pure devotion.
"There," he murmured, standing up and dusting off his slacks. He looked down at you, his hands instantly finding your waist, pulling you an inch closer. "Perfect."
You reached up, fixing the collar of his shirt, your fingers brushing against his jawline. "You clean up pretty well yourself, Mr. Bang."
He laughed, a rich, rumbling sound, and leaned down to press a deep, slow kiss to your lipsâone that tasted like a promise.
But just as he pulled away, a sudden, blinding flash of light illuminated the bedroom window, followed less than two seconds later by a deafening clap of thunder that literally shook the floorboards. Within moments, the sky completely opened up, a torrential downpour slamming against the glass so loudly it sounded like pebbles thrown against the pane.
Chan blinked, turning his head toward the window, then looked back down at your stunning dress and your perfectly laced heels.
"Well," he muttered, a wry, amused smile spreading across his face as the wind howled outside. "I reckun our reservations and plans are officially ruined."
The howling wind outside slammed sheets of water against the glass, but inside the apartment, the atmosphere had shifted into something entirely separate from the storm.
Chan looked from the window back to you, a soft, helpless laugh huffing from his lips as he took in the sight of you. You were still standing there in your stunning emerald silk dress and wrapped stilettos, looking like an absolute goddess with nowhere to go.
"Well, sweetheart," he murmured, his hands sliding down to your hips, his thumbs catching the hem of your dress just enough to lift it an inch. "I'm not letting this outfit go to waste. Change of plans."
Before you could ask what he meant, Chan hooked his hands under your thighs and lifted you effortlessly off your feet. You let out a gasped laugh, your hands instantly flying to his broad shoulders for balance as he carried you out of the bedroom and straight into the kitchen. He didn't set you down on the floor; instead, he hoisted you right up onto the smooth, marble kitchen counter. Your heels clicked against the edge, your legs dangling as he stepped between your knees, effectively trapping you.
"Stay right here," he commanded softly, his voice dropping into that low, authoritative register that always made your stomach do a flip.
You watched, completely mesmerized, as Chan went to work. He completely transformed the room. He turned off the harsh overhead kitchen lights, leaving only the soft under-cabinet lighting. Then, he wandered around the apartment, gathering every single scented candle you owned. He lined them up along the counter and the dining table, striking a match until the space was bathed in a flickering, amber glow. The shadows danced over the sharp lines of his jaw and his tailored black slacks.
"Since I can't take you to a restaurant, I guess I'll just have to be your personal chef," he teased, walking back over to you and leaning in to press a lingering kiss to the corner of your mouth. He smelled like vanilla candles and pure sin.
He pulled ingredients out of the fridge, deciding on a quick pasta dish you both loved. As he chopped garlic and heated the pan, he refused to actually leave your side. Every single time he passed the counter, he stole a kiss. It started out playful, but it didn't stay that way. Heâd lean in, his lips brushing yours, his tongue casually tracing your bottom lip just enough to make you whimper before he pulled back with a smirk.
"Chris, you're going to burn the food if you keep doing that," you breathlessy complained.
"Let it burn," he muttered, stepping right back into your space. He reached out, his large, warm hand sliding up your thigh, his calloused thumb smoothing over the skin right above your knee. "Besides, I'm just tasting the appetizer."
You flushed, a heavy heat pooling in your lower stomach at his subtle dirty talk. To distract yourself from the way his hand was slowly wandering higher up your leg, you slid off the counter for a moment. "If you're cooking, I'm making drinks. You're lucky you're dating a professional."
Chan chuckled, watching you walk over to the bar cart. Before you had met him âback during your university daysâyou had worked as a bartender to pay the rent. You grabbed the shaker, the alcohol, and the bitters, your hands moving with an effortless, practiced rhythm. You mixed up two custom cocktails, keeping the alcohol content perfectly manageable since you both wanted to actually remember the night.
When you handed him his glass, his eyes darkened with pure appreciation. He took a sip, humming in approval. "God, you're amazing. Seriously, what did I do to deserve you?"
He didn't let you go back to the counter. Instead, he pulled you against his chest, his back to the stove while he stirred the sauce with one hand and kept his other arm wrapped securely around your waist. The warmth of the stove combined with the heat of his body was intoxicating.
As you stood there, the flickering candlelight caught the slight dip of your collarbone and the soft curve of your side. You subconsciously shifted, trying to pull the silk dress tighter. Like anyone, you had your little insecuritiesâthings you picked apart when you looked in the mirror too long.
But Chan noticed everything. He always did.
Feeling you tense, he set the wooden spoon down. He turned you around completely, his hands mapping the exact spots you tried to hide. He bent down, pressing his warm lips to the soft curve of your hip, then up to the slight dip of your waist, kissing every single inch of your skin with a fierce, worshipful reverence.
"Stop hiding," he whispered against your skin, his voice rough and thick. "You are so beautiful. Every single part of you. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes just for one second."
He pulled you back up, his hands tangling in your hair as he kissed you deeply, a quiet sigh escaping him. He rested his forehead against yours, the sound of the rain outside filling the silence.
"It's crazy, isn't it?" Chan murmured softly, a sudden, gentle giggle bubbling up from his chest. He looked down at you, his dimples cutting deep into his cheeks. "How unexpected all of this was. If you told me four years ago that we'd be here..."
"What, you didn't think we'd make it?" you teased, tracing the collar of his shirt.
"No, I meanâwe were such idiots," he laughed, shaking his head at the memory. "We were literally best friends since child hood who only spoke on calls scared to face each other. I was so completely gone for you, but I was too terrified to say anything......remember how we used to talk to each other? Trying so hard to sound 'just like friends' while my heart was practically beating out of my chest every time you looked at me."
He giggled again, the sound rich and warm. "Man, we were so stupid. All those wasted months because we were both too scared to confess."
His laughter faded, replaced by a gaze so intense it made your knees feel weak. The playful boy vanished, leaving only the man who loved you entirely. He leaned down, his lips brushing yours with a slow, heavy finality.
"But Iâm glad we got here," Chan whispered, his thumbs wiping a stray tear of happiness from your cheek. "Because now that I have you... I want no one else. Forever. It's only ever gonna be you, sweetheart."
The sheer intensity of his words left you breathless. You reached up, cupping his jawline, and pulled him down into a deep, lingering kiss that tasted like a silent promise. When you finally broke away, your cheeks were flushed against the warm candlelight.
"If you don't stop looking at me like that, we're never going to actually eat," you teased softly, playfully swatting his chest.
Chan let out a breathless laugh, stepping back just enough to let you move around the kitchen. The menu had completely evolved from just a simple pasta dish into an absolute feast. Together, you turned cooking into a coordinated dance. You rolled out dough to make a heart-shaped pizzaâChan insisting on crimping the edges perfectlyâwhile a golden, seasoned chicken roasted in the oven alongside a crisp, fresh salad you tossed together.
By the time the food was ready, the apartment smelled incredible. You carried the plates over to the candlelit dining table, the heavy rain outside providing a soothing backdrop to your makeshift indoor date.
As you ate, the conversation flowed effortlessly, moving from lighthearted banter into the deep, heavy layers of life and the future. Chan reached across the table, his fingers tangling with yours, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand.
"I want to grow old with you," he murmured, his dark eyes reflecting the tiny flames of the candles. "I want the quiet mornings, the wrinkly skin, all of it."
You smiled, a warmth blooming in your chest. "I want that too. And... I want a kid. Eventually."
Chanâs face instantly softened, a massive, genuine smile breaking across his features, making his dimples dip incredibly deep.
"Iâd love a daughter," you admitted softly, feeling a bit shy but completely safe sharing it with him. "But honestly, it doesn't matter to me. As long as the kid is healthy."
"A little girl who looks just like you?" Chan breathed, his gaze turning incredibly fond. "God, I'd be wrapped around her finger. But you're right. Just healthy." He leaned forward, his voice dropping into a tone of absolute certainty. "I want to marry you first. I want to roam the world with you, make a million memories, and establish our own rules. Like, if we ever have a huge fightâbecause we're human, we willâwe promise to sort it out before we ever go to bed. No sleeping angry."
"Deal," you whispered, your heart swelling.
"And we need a bigger place," he continued excitedly, his inner producer and planner taking over. "We'll design it together. A massive bar for you, a studio space for me, and a huge backyard." He smiled, leaning over to lovingly serve another portion of pasta onto your plate.
As the dinner wound down and the plates were cleared, you still wanted something sweet. You walked over to the freezer and scooped a generous portion of vanilla ice cream into a small bowl. Instead of heading back to your own seat, you walked over to Chan, pulling him back into his chair by his shoulders.
Without asking, you turned and sank right onto his lap facing him, your emerald silk dress pooling over his tailored black slacks. Chan didn't hesitate for a fraction of a second; his large hands immediately found your thighs, squeezing the soft flesh gently as you settled against him.
"Sharing?" he grinned, his voice a low rumble against your lips.
"Maybe," you murmured, taking a bite of the cold ice cream before offering him some. As you pulled the spoon away, a tiny bit of ice cream lingered on your bottom lip. Chan leaned in instantly, his tongue darting out to lick the sweet cream right off your lips, his lips lingering for a soft, teasing pressure that made your stomach drop.
His hands wandered a little higher on your thighs, his grip firm and possessive, anchoring you tightly to his lap. You took another bite, but the combination of his warmth, the alcohol from the cocktails, and the sheer tension in the air made your hands a little unsteady. A drop of the rapidly melting ice cream escaped the spoon, trailing down your chin and slipping right down the column of your neck, disappearing beneath the neckline of your green dress.
You both knew how gravity worked. You both knew food didn't just magically spill like that unless a certain someone was plotting something entirely deliberate.
Chan caught it instantly. A dark, wicked grin spread across his face, his eyes darkening into pure, unadulterated hunger.
"Oh, you are a menace," he growled softly, the teasing Australian lilt completely vanishing into something raw and dominant.
He didn't grab a napkin. Instead, Chan leaned forward, his large hand gripping the back of your neck to tilt your head back. He pressed his lips to the base of your throat, his warm tongue sliding upward, licking the melted ice cream off your sensitive skin. A sharp, gasping whimper left your lips as he followed the path with a sequence of open-mouthed, bruising kisses, his teeth gently nipping at the junction where your neck met your shoulder.
The cold sweetness of the ice cream was completely eradicated by the scorching heat of his mouth.
Realizing you were entirely finished with desert, you blindly reached back and set the bowl away on the table behind you. You let your head fall back completely against his broad shoulder, your eyes fluttering shut as his hands tightened on your thighs, his breath hot and demanding against your skin
Without a word, he hooked both hands under your knees, lifting you effortlessly along with himself off the dining chair, your legs wrapping around his waist. You gasped, both hands flying to his shoulders as he carried you through the candlelit living room toward the hallway.
"Chanâthe ice creamâ" you protested weakly, laughter bubbling in your throat... this was trouble, a likeable trouble.
"I'll get it later," he growled against your ear, his breath hot and ragged. "Right now, I'm starving for something else."
He pushed the bedroom door open, and the soft lamplight spilled across the rumpled sheets. He didn't put you down. Instead, he pressed you against the doorjamb, his mouth capturing yours in a kiss so deep and hungry that your toes curled inside your heels. His tongue slid along your bottom lip, then swept inside, tasting the lingering sweetness of vanilla and chocolate. You melted into him, your fingers threading into the short hairs at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer.
He carried you to the bed, but before laying you down, he paused, letting you slide down his body until your feet touched the floor. His hands roamed your back, the bare skin of your backless dress heating under his palms. You tilted your head, meeting his gaze, and then leaned in to press your lips to the side of his neck.
Soft at firstâa barely-there brush of your mouth. Then you parted your lips, grazing your teeth over his pulse point, and sucked gently. Chan's breath hitched, his fingers digging into your hips. You lingered there, tasting the salt of his skin, knowing you had to be careful. His fans would notice. They always noticed everythingâa hickey on his neck during a live broadcast would send the internet into a frenzy. So you pulled back, leaving only a faint pink mark, barely visible unless you were looking for it.
He looked down at you, his eyes dark and knowing. "Tease," he murmured, but there was nothing but approval in his voice.
His hand found the thin satin lace-up at the back of your dress. With a slow, deliberate tug, the bow unraveled, and the fabric loosened around your chest. He didn't rush. He slid the straps down your shoulders, the emerald silk pooling at your feet, leaving you in nothing but your strapless stick-on bra, black lace panties, and heels.
He stepped back just long enough to shrug off his black button-up, his fingers working the buttons with practiced ease. The shirt fell open, revealing the defined lines of his chest and his toned abs. You didn't wait. You stepped forward, your hands sliding up his abdomen, feeling the ridges of muscle flex under your touch. You pressed your lips to his sternum, then lower, kissing a path down his stomach. Your tongue darted out, licking a stripe across his abs, tasting the faint salt and heat of his skin. You sucked gently at the hollow beside his navel, and he groaned, his hand coming to rest on the back of your head.
"Fuck, baby," he breathed, his fingers tangling in your hair. "You're gonna make me lose it."
You looked up at him, a wicked smile on your lips, and continued your journey lower, your mouth trailing over the waistband of his slacks. But he stopped you, gripping your chin and tilting your face up.
"Not yet," he said, his voice roughened with want. "I want to taste you first."
His gaze dropped to your chest, where the stick-on bra held your breasts in place. A knowing grin spread across his face. "No straps," he observed, his thumb brushing the edge of the adhesive cup. "Clever."
He looked up at you, his eyes searching yoursâa silent question that he never needed to ask out loud. You nodded, a soft "yes" escaping your lips.
He pulled the bra away in one smooth motion, the adhesive releasing with a quiet peel. Your breasts spilled free, nipples already peaked from the cool air and the heat of his stare. He didn't look away. He leaned in, his tongue flicking over one nipple, then drawing it into his mouth, sucking gently. You gasped, your back arching, and your hands flew to his shoulders for balance.
His other hand slid down your stomach, past the waistband of your panties, and between your legs. He groaned against your skin as his fingers found youâsoaked, slick, ready.
"Fuck," he muttered, pulling back just enough to meet your eyes. "I haven't even done anything yet, and you're already dripping. Is that all for me?"
You bit your lip, nodding, your breath coming in shallow pants.
"Good girl." He pressed a finger inside you, slow, then a second, curling them just right. At the same time, his mouth returned to your nipple, sucking and teasing with his tongue. The dual sensation sent a shock through your body. Your hands fisted in his hair, your hips grinding against his hand, moaning his name like a prayer.
"Chanâpleaseâ"
"Please what, baby?" He pumped his fingers faster, his thumb circling your clit with expert pressure. "You feel so fucking good wrapped around my fingers. Tell me what you need."
You couldn't form words. The pleasure was building too fast, a coil tightening low in your belly. Your thighs trembled, your moans turning into broken cries.
"That's it," he praised, his voice a low rumble against your ear. "Let go. Come for me. I want to feel you fall apart on my hand."
And you did. Without warning, the orgasm crashed over you, your body convulsing as you cried out his name. He didn't stop moving his fingers, guiding you through every wave, drinking in the sight of you undone.
When the last tremor faded, he pulled his fingers out slowly, bringing them to his lips. He licked them clean, his eyes never leaving yours. "Delicious."
Then he gently pushed you fully onto the bed, spreading your legs open, and buried his face between them. His tongue swept through your folds, lapping up your release, his nose pressing against your clit. A strangled moan tore from your throat as he devoured you, his tongue dipping inside you, then dragging back up to suck gently on your clit. He worked you with a rhythm that bordered on cruel, prolonging the aftershocks until you were a panting, writhing mess.
Only when your hips stopped bucking did he lift his head. He reached over to the bedside table, pulling open the drawer, and retrieved a foil packet. With a grin, he tore the wrapper open with his teeth, spat it aside, and rolled the condom down his length. Even after all these months, the sight of himâthick, veined, impossibly hardâmade your breath catch. He was huge, and no matter how many times you'd had him, it always surprised you. The way he filled you, stretched you, like he was made to fit inside you.
He hauled your legs onto his shoulders, leaning forward until the head of his cock pressed against your entrance. He didn't push inânot yet. He held still, teasing, letting you feel the pressure, the promise.
"Ready?" he asked, his voice soft but dominant.
You nodded, and he thrust forward.
Slow. Deep. Inch by inch he sank into you, his eyes fluttering closed as he savored the grip of your walls. You felt the familiar stretch, the slight burn that melted into pure pleasure. He paused when he was fully seated, letting you adjust, his forehead resting against yours.
"Fuck, you feel so good," he whispered. "Every single time."
He began to moveâlong, languid strokes that hit so deep you could feel him in your throat. One hand held your calf, his lips pressing kisses to your shin, then your ankle, reverent and tender even as he fucked you. His other hand roamed your body, fingers tracing your waist, then sliding up to tease your nipple, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger.
A glance down and you saw itâa faint bulge in your lower belly, where his dick pressed against your insides from the inside. The sight sent a rush of heat through you. You arched your back, a moan spilling from your lips.
"Look at that," he breathed, his thumb pressing lightly on the bulge. "Look how deep I am inside you. You take me so fucking well, baby."
His pace quickened, but still controlled, each thrust deliberate. Your hands clawed at the sheets, your moans growing louder, more desperate.
"Faster," you begged, your voice cracking. "Please, Chanâfasterâ"
He obeyed. He pulled out and flipped you onto your stomach, lifting your hips into the air before slamming back into you. The new angle was brutalâdeeper, harder, his balls slapping against your clit with every thrust. His hand gripped your hip, the other pressed flat on the small of your back, forcing you to arch impossibly deeper.
"This what you wanted?" he growled, his voice low and filthy. "You wanted me to fuck you like this? To take you apart until you can't think, can't breathe?"
"Yesâangh..yesâfuckâchrisss"
He leaned over your back, his mouth at your ear, his thrusts pounding into you. "I can feel you clenching around me. You're close, aren't you? I want you to come. Come on my dick."
You were already there. The rough pace, his dirty talk, the overwhelming fullnessâit sent you spiraling. You screamed his name as your orgasm crashed, your body trembling violently around him.
He didn't stop. He rode you through it, his own breathing ragged, until he pulled out with a shudder. He yanked the condom off, stroked himself twice, and came with a guttural groan, spilling into the latex. Then he collapsed beside you, chest heaving.
For a long moment, there was only the sound of ragged breathing. Your body ached in the best way. Chan pushed himself up first, pressing a kiss to your shoulder.
"Stay there. I'll be right back."
He disappeared into the bathroom, and you heard the water run. He returned with a warm, damp cloth and gently cleaned between your legs, his touch tender. Then he wiped himself down, disposed of the condom, and slid back into bed.
He pulled you against his chest, wrapping his arms around you. His hand found the small of your back, rubbing gentle circles where you'd arched hardest.
"Your back's gonna be sore tomorrow," he murmured into your hair.
You hummed, nuzzling into his neck. Your lips found his, a soft, lazy kiss.
He smiled against your mouth. "I love you so much."
You kissed the tip of his nose. "I love you too."
The marks on your neck were dark now, blooming like violets under your skin. He traced one with his fingertip, a soft chuckle vibrating through his chest.
"Sorry about those."
"I'm not," you whispered, your eyes already heavy.
He pulled the blanket over both of you, his hand never stopping its soothing massage on your back. The warmth of his body, the steady beat of his heart against your cheekâit pulled you under.
Within minutes, you were both asleep, tangled together in the soft glow of the bedside lamp.
--
You woke up slowly, the soft morning light filtering through the cracks of the blinds. As you shifted beneath the heavy duvet, a dull, deep ache resonated through your lower back and thighsâa sweet, lingering reminder of exactly how Chan had kept his promise to ruin you. You sat up slowly, clutching the soft blanket tightly against your chest to keep yourself covered.
A soft chuckle sounded from the side of the bed, and you turned your head to see Chan walking into the room. He had already showered, his messy curls damp, wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweatpants. In his hands, he carried a tray loaded with a fresh breakfastâscrambled eggs, toast, and a mug of coffee made exactly the way you liked it.
"Morning, beautiful," he murmured, his voice incredibly deep and raspy from sleep. He set the tray down carefully across your lap, then climbed onto the mattress behind you.
As you reached for the coffee, taking a grateful sip, Chan shifted closer. His large, warm hands slid beneath the blanket, finding the bare skin of your lower back. His calloused thumbs began to work in slow, firm circles, expertly massaging the tight, sore muscles of your spine. You let out a soft, involuntary sigh, leaning back into his solid chest.
"Sore?" he whispered, a hint of a smug, satisfied grin in his voice.
"Shut up," you muttered playfully, though you didn't pull away from his touch.
Chan just laughed, a low, rumbling sound that vibrated right against your back. He leaned over your shoulder, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to the crown of your head before gently reaching up to brush a few stray tangled hairs away from your face. He watched you eat with a quiet, peaceful intensity, as if he still couldn't quite believe he had you all to himself for a little while longer.
You turned your head slightly, catching his eye, and leaned in to press a sweet, lingering kiss right against his dimpled cheek.
Chanâs smile broke wide and brilliant, his dark eyes crinkling at the corners with pure, unadulterated affection. He wrapped his arms securely around your waist, pulling you back against his chest as the quiet morning carried on, the rest of the world completely forgotten.
ă°êŻÛÛÛŁŰă°êŻŰŰ đŠarnings: MDNI, overstimulation, unprotected sex, edging, mild ass play, rough sex, fingering, oral sex (f!rec), orgasm denial, hair holding, creampie, tipsy sex, lmk if moree
đĄina's note: firstofall, want to apologize bcuz i think theres a repeated part bcuz tumblr froze on me, n even though ive read it twice i cant find it and im going crazy... second... i wasn't quite sure how to write Jay's personality, n im taking a little longer with Sunoo's, so in between ig i'll do a smau asked for n if u want to request something, go ahead, headcanons or smau for u«3 reblog or life if uliked ittt
æ»æž ćäč柶 check my ::â â Ű â ââ đasterlist đome
You had been in love with Jay Park since the second year of high school.
It started as something quieter than a crush â a slow, warm pull every time he leaned over your desk to show you a riff on his phone, or when he'd wait for you after class with one earbud dangling, offering the other so you could listen to the same song.
He was always cool, a little sharp with his humor, but never cruel.
He remembered the small things: how you liked your coffee, the way you fiddled with your sleeves when you were nervous, the fact that you secretly wanted to learn guitar even though you were convinced your fingers were too clumsy.
Two months had passed since graduation, and the two of you had slipped into this strange new version of adulthood.
No more uniforms, no more bells dictating your day. just late nights, cheap takeout, and the growing tension that neither of you had named.
You told yourself it was just a silly, accumulation of caring over the years.
But lately it had become something heavier. needier.
Because it wasn't just his smile or the way he looked at you like he could read every thought behind your eyes.
It was the guitar lessons.
Every few nights you ended up in his room â that warm, low-lit sanctuary at the back of his aparment.
Soft golden lighting, the faint scent of his cologne mixed with wood polish and whatever bottle of wine he'd opened that evening.
He'd sit behind you on the bed or on that worn leather stool, chest brushing your back as he guided your fingers along the fretboard.
His voice would drop low when he corrected your posture, breath warm against your ear.
And every single time, you left that room wet, aching, and painfully aware of how badly you wanted more than just his hands on yours.
Tonight, that ache felt louder than usual.
The restaurant was still buzzing when you all stepped outside.
The four of you had taken over a corner table for nearly three hours â pasta plates half-empty, bottles of soju and beer scattered like evidence.
Heeseung had been the calm anchor as always, laughing deeply at Jake's ridiculous stories about his latest failed attempt at cooking.
Jake, true to form, had been loud and playful, teasing you about how red your cheeks got after your third glass.
"Alright, i'm tapping out" Heeseung said, stretching his arms above his head. he grinned at you and Jay. "you two heading back too?"
Jake slung an arm around your shoulders for a second, giving you a quick squeeze. "don't let Jay bore you to death with more guitar talk."
You laughed, the sound a little loose from the alcohol. "too late. i think i'm officially addicted."
Jay stood a step behind you, hands in the pockets of his dark jacket, watching the exchange with that trademark half-smirk.
He hadn't drunk much â maybe one beer the whole night. he never did when he knew he'd be the one making sure everyone got home safe.
"Get home safe, hyung" Jay told Heeseung, bumping fists. "Jake, stop burning your kitchen down."
Jake flipped him off playfully as he and Heeseung headed toward the main road to catch a cab. you waved until they disappeared around the corner, the streetlights catching their silhouettes.
And then it was just you and Jay.
It was barely past 9 PM, but the city had already slipped into that quieter, darker version of itself.
The restaurant sat on a side street lined with closed shops and a few scattered people hurrying home.
Neon signs flickered softly in the distance. your cheeks felt warm, the alcohol humming pleasantly in your veins, making everything feel a little softer around the edges.
Jay glanced at you, dark eyes scanning your face.
"You good?" he asked, voice low and steady. "you look a little flushed."
"I'm fine" you answered, maybe a touch too quickly.
You smiled up at him, feeling bolder than usual. "just⊠warm. and i don't really want to go home yet. my brothers are probably screaming at some video game right now. your place is quieter."
He raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching. that familiar mix of amusement and something unreadable.
"You sure? i can drop you off. you drank more than usual tonight."
You stepped a little closer, the alcohol loosening your usual shyness. "i'm sure. i'd rather be with you."
The words came out softer than you meant them to, almost flirty. Jay's gaze lingered on you for a beat longer than normal before he nodded.
"Alright. let's go."
The walk to his place wasn't long.
Jay kept pace beside you, close enough that your shoulders brushed every few steps. he didn't say much, but he was always like that â comfortable in silence.
Every once in a while he'd glance over to make sure you were steady on your feet.
When you finally reached his apartment, you stepped into his room, the familiar warmth settled over you like a blanket.
The lighting was exactly how he liked it: soft, gold tones from the tall floor lamp in the corner.
His acoustic guitar rested on its stand beside the electric one. a half-finished bottle of red wine sat on the low wooden table next to two clean glasses.
The small leather couch had a couple of blankets thrown over it, and the walls held photos â some of the group, some of just the two of you from random outings over the years.
It smelled like him: wood, faint cologne, and that subtle hint of wine that always seemed to linger here.
Jay shrugged off his jacket and tossed it over the back of his chair.
"Sit" he said, nodding toward the couch. "i'll get you some water first. you're going to thank me tomorrow."
You dropped onto the couch, watching him move around the room with that effortless confidence.
Even after years of friendship, you never got tired of looking at him. the sharp line of his jaw, the way his black hair fell across his forehead, the casual way his shirt stretched across his shoulders.
He came back with a glass of cold water and handed it to you before pouring himself a small amount of wine.
"You're really not that drunk, are you?" you asked, teasing lightly as you sipped the water.
Jay chuckled, settling beside you on the couch. not quite touching, but close enough that you could feel the heat of his body.
"I'm sober enough to know you're tipsy" he replied, voice smooth. "and sober enough to know you get chatty when you are."
You laughed softly, pulling your legs up onto the couch.
The alcohol made your thoughts swirl â memories of all those guitar lessons mixing with the deeper, filthier ones you tried to push down.
You'd been in love with him for years.
But lately, the need had grown teeth.
It wasn't just romantic anymore.
You wanted him.
Wanted his hands on you for reasons that had nothing to do with chord positions. wanted to know what his mouth felt like. wanted to taste him.
To have his cock in your mouth, heavy and warm, to hear the way his voice would break if you took him deep.
Not anyone else's. just Jay's.
Those thoughts had been getting louder since the lessons started two months ago.
Every time his fingers covered yours on the strings, every time his chest pressed against your back and he murmured instructions against your ear⊠you left his room throbbing, panties ruined, fingers slipping between your legs the second you got home.
And now here you were again, in his room, a little drunk, heart racing.
"Now you're quiet" Jay observed, tilting his head. his dark eyes studied you carefully. "what's going on in that head of yours?"
You bit your lip, feeling heat rise to your cheeks that had nothing to do with the alcohol.
"Just⊠thinking about how long we've been friends" you said, keeping your voice light. "feels weird sometimes. like we're actual adults now."
Jay hummed in agreement, taking a slow sip of wine. "yeah. but some things don't change." he glanced at you, a small smirk playing on his lips. "you still suck at guitar."
You gasped dramatically, shoving his shoulder. he laughed â that low, rich sound you loved â and caught your wrist gently before you could pull away.
"See? still easy to mess with."
His thumb brushed over the inside of your wrist, just once. the touch sent electricity straight down your spine. you didn't pull away.
The air between you felt thicker than usual. the golden lighting cast soft shadows across his face, making him look even more unfairly handsome. you could smell his cologne again, warm and familiar.
"JayâŠ" you started, not even sure what you wanted to say.
He raised an eyebrow, still holding your wrist loosely.
"Yeah?"
You swallowed. the need youâd been carrying for years â the filthy, aching want â sat heavy on your tongue. but you weren't brave enough yet.
Instead, you just smiled, shy but warm, and leaned your head against his shoulder like you'd done a hundred times before.
"I'm glad you're my best friend" you whispered.
Jay was quiet for a moment. then his hand shifted, resting lightly on your knee.
"Me too" he murmured.
But his fingers stayed there, warm through the fabric of your jeans, and neither of you moved to change the subject.
The night was still young, and the tension that had been building for years felt dangerously close to spilling over.
The water helped a little, but the alcohol still buzzed warmly through your system, making your limbs feel loose and your thoughts dangerously unguarded.
You watched Jay move across the room with that effortless grace he always had. he reached for one of his guitars, and your breath caught.
He picked up the acoustic â his prized custom-made gibson Vesper.
It was his baby, the one he played when he wanted something intimate and warm-toned.
"I've been working on a new melody" he said casually, settling on the stool across from the couch. his long fingers wrapped around the neck of the Vesper like it was an extension of himself. "want to hear it?"
You nodded, maybe a little too eagerly. "yeah⊠show me."
He strummed a few soft chords first, then launched into the short piece. just five or six seconds of a smooth, melancholic melody that shifted into something warmer, almost seductive in its simplicity.
His eyebrows furrowed slightly in concentration, lips parted just a fraction as he focused. the way his fingers moved â precise, confident, pressing and sliding along the frets â made heat pool low in your stomach.
God, you didn't even know if you actually cared about learning guitar anymore.
Was it the music? or was it just him?
The way his forearms flexed, the focused set of his jaw, the way the warm light caught on his sharp cheekbones and made his dark hair look softer.
You wanted him so badly it embarrassed you sometimes.
Especially tonight, with the alcohol making your skin feel too hot and your inhibitions paper-thin.
In your head, the thoughts were already spiraling: kneeling between his legs, taking his cock into your mouth, tasting him, hearing that low voice of his break while you sucked him deep. not just any dick. his.
Jay finished the short melody and looked up, smirking when he saw your expression.
"Not bad, right?" he asked.
"It was beautiful" you said honestly, your voice a little breathy. "i love how it sounds on the Vesper."
He stood and walked over, offering you the guitar. "you know the basics now. let's try teaching you your first real short melody. nothing too crazy."
You took the Vesper carefully, the wood warm from his hands.
On the outside, you looked focused and innocent, adjusting the strap and sitting up straighter.
"Posture." Jay reminded you.
He moved behind you on the couch, one leg on either side of your body so he could reach around. his chest pressed lightly against your back as he corrected the angle of the guitar on your lap.
One hand settled on your shoulder to straighten your back, the other sliding down to adjust your left hand on the fretboard.
His touch was warm. deliberate.
You bit your lip hard without thinking, a quiet little sound escaping as his fingers covered yours, guiding them into position. the alcohol made it impossible to hide your reaction â your cheeks burned, your thighs pressed together instinctively.
Jay paused. you could feel him smirk against the side of your head.
"Easy there" he murmured, voice low and teasing near your ear. "don't break my strings with that death grip. or is the Vesper too much for you tonight?"
You let out a shaky laugh. "shut up. i'm trying."
He didn't move away immediately. his fingers stayed over yours a second longer than necessary, then he pulled back just enough to watch but remained close.
"Go ahead. start with the first four chords i showed you last time. slow."
You tried.
Your fingers felt clumsier than usual from the drinks, but you managed to hit the notes â not fluid, not pretty, but recognizable. better than a total beginner.
The Vesper's rich tone filled the room even with your imperfect playing.
Jay hummed approvingly. "not terrible. you're improving."
Then, out of nowhere, he dropped the bomb.
"So⊠how was that blind date with Sunghoon a week ago?"
Your fingers slipped. a horrible, discordant twang rang out from the guitar. you winced.
"Why are you asking about that?" you said quickly, glancing over your shoulder at him.
Jay shrugged, leaning back against the couch but still watching you closely. his expression was casual, but his eyes were sharp. "just curious. Jake mentioned Sunghoon told him you two⊠hooked up."
The room felt suddenly warmer. you stared down at the guitar, fingers frozen on the strings.
It was true.
You'd gone on that blind date desperate to convince yourself that your insane attraction to Jay was just horniness. just lack of sex.
Sunghoon was good-looking, you'd slept with him after a couple of drinks. the sex had been⊠fine. mechanically okay.
But it left you emptier than before. because all you could think about during and after was Jay. how you wished it was Jay's hands, Jay's mouth.
It had only made your filthy fantasies about your best friend worse.
You tried to play it off, strumming a few awkward notes that sounded completely off-key. "Jake needs to mind his own business. why is he such a gossip?"
Jay chuckled, that low, amused sound that always sent shivers down your spine. he reached over and gently corrected your finger placement again, his touch lingering.
"Because he's Jake. and you're avoiding the question."
You huffed, the alcohol making you bolder even as embarrassment burned your face. "it happened, okay? it was⊠whatever. not life-changing."
Jay raised an eyebrow, clearly entertained by how flustered you were getting. "not life-changing? damn. poor Sunghoon. but ifeel like details are missing."
You shot him a look, trying to sound defensive. "i've grown up, you know. i'm not that irresponsible girl from high school who told you every dirty detail about her first time in graphic, disgusting detail anymore."
Jay laughed outright at that, leaning closer again. his breath brushed your neck.
"Oh yeah? because i remember that conversation very clearly. you did not hold back. 'it felt like a sad hot dog in a hallway' was the line that still lives rent-free in my head."
You groaned, covering your face with one hand while still awkwardly holding the guitar with the other. "i was drunk and stupid! and like⊠seventeen."
"You're still a little drunk tonight" he pointed out, voice teasing but softer. "and still oversharing, apparently."
The conversation hung between you, heavy with years of history. you tried to play again, but your notes kept clashing â messy, out of rhythm, completely unfocused.
Jay didn't stop you. he just watched, eyes dark and thoughtful under the warm lighting.
You sighed. "it was just an escape, Jay. i thought maybe if i⊠did something, it would quiet my head. but it didn't. it was okay, but⊠it wasn't..." you trailed off, not brave enough to finish that sentence.
It wasn't you.
Jay was quiet for a long moment. his hand came to rest on your lower back, a casual but intimate touch as he leaned in to adjust your right hand strumming position.
"You're thinking too hard" he said eventually, voice low. "that's why it sounds like the guitar is in pain."
You laughed despite yourself, the sound shaky.
Being this close to him, drunk, with his hands on you and your mind full of filthy thoughts about sucking him off right here in this room⊠it was torture.
The lesson continued like that for a while longer.
Jay guided you through the simple melody, patient even when your playing fell apart. every correction involved him touching you â fingers on yours, hand on your waist to fix posture, knee brushing your thigh.
Each touch sent sparks through your body.
At one point you shifted on the couch, and your thigh pressed firmly against his. you didn't move away. neither did he.
"You're really warm" he commented after a while, almost absentmindedly. "still feeling the drinks?"
"Yeah" you admitted, biting your lip again as his fingers guided yours into a new chord. "everything feels⊠a lot right now."
Jay hummed. his voice dropped lower. "i can tell."
The air in the room felt thicker.
And as Jay leaned in once more to correct your hand, his lips accidentally brushing the shell of your ear as he murmured instructions, you wondered how much longer you could keep pretending this was just about learning guitar.
The warmth of his breath sent a shiver racing down your spine. you froze, fingers stiffening on the frets of the Vesper.
The rich, dark wood of the guitar felt heavier in your lap now, like it knew the real reason your heart was hammering.
"I⊠i think i can't keep playing right now" you admitted, voice softer than you intended. the alcohol made your words feel thick on your tongue. "i'd love to, though. your Vesper sounds so beautiful. it's honestly such a pretty guitar. the tone is just⊠perfect."
Jay pulled back slightly, a low chuckle rumbling from his chest. that sound â God, that sound â always did dangerous things to you.
He reached around you to gently take the guitar from your hands, his fingers brushing over yours one last time.
"Yeah? she's my favorite for a reason" he said, standing up with the instrument.
He walked over to the stand and carefully placed the custom Gibson Vesper back in its spot, adjusting it with the same care he always showed his things.
You watched him move, the soft golden lighting casting gentle shadows along his shoulders and arms.
The room felt smaller now. cozier. the faint scent of wine still lingered in the air, mixing with his cologne and the wood polish from his guitars.
He turned back to you, hands sliding into the pockets of his jeans. "it's getting late anyway. past eleven already. you're pretty drunk, and i'm not letting you go home like this. you can just stay over. saves time, and your brothers are probably still up causing chaos."
You let out a bright, tipsy laugh, the kind that came out a little too loud because of the alcohol. "yeah? okay. i'd like that. a lot, actually."
Jay's smirk deepened, but there was something softer behind it. "didn't even think twice, huh?"
"Nope" you said, popping the 'p' playfully.
He walked over to the built-in closet near the back of the room and pulled out clothes. two oversized t-shirts â one black, one dark gray â and a pair of soft black pajama shorts.
He held them out to you.
'Here. you can wear these. that dress looks cute but it's not exactly sleep-friendly. too cold in here at night if you're not covered up properly."
You stood up, a little unsteady, and took the clothes from him.
Your fingers brushed his, and you felt that familiar spark again. "thanks, Jay."
Before he could say anything else, you grabbed the bundle and slipped behind the heavy cream-colored curtain that separated the small changing corner from the rest of the room.
It was something he'd put up after one too many late-night study sessions when you'd crash here.
You heard him laugh quietly on the other side.
"Drunk you is way shyer than sober you" he teased, voice warm with amusement. "usually you just strip down in front of me like i'm not even here. claiming 'we're best friends, it doesn't matter.' but the second alcohol hits⊠curtain time."
You fumbled with the zipper of your dress, cheeks burning. "shut up. i'm being responsible."
"Responsible" he echoed, clearly not buying it. you could hear him moving around, already changing too. "sure."
"I am!" you called back, laughing as you pulled his t-shirt over your head. it smelled like him â clean laundry, faint cologne, and that comforting warmth that always made your stomach flip.
The shorts were a little loose on your hips, but they were soft and comfortable. "i've grown up. i'm not that chaotic high school girl anymore."
You stepped out from behind the curtain, adjusting the hem of the oversized shirt. and then you stopped dead.
Jay was in the middle of pulling his own shirt on.
He already had the gray pajama shorts on, hanging low on his hips, but his torso was still bare. the warm lighting highlighted every line of muscle on his chest and abdomen â the result of casual gym sessions.
His skin looked smooth, shoulders broad, that sharp V-line disappearing into the waistband of his shorts.
You let out a soft, involuntary exhale, almost a gasp. your heart skipped hard.
Jay noticed immediately. he tugged the shirt down quickly, but not before you got a full view.
His eyebrow arched, that signature smirk returning.
"Damn. you really are wasted tonight" he said, voice low and teasing as he stepped closer. "if you want, i can tie you up so you can control yourself better. keep those wandering eyes in check."
Your brain short-circuited for a second.
Yes. God, yes. tie me up. use me. anything.
The filthy thought flashed through your mind so fast it made you dizzy. but on the outside, you just let out a nervous laugh, shoving his shoulder lightly.
"Stop it" you mumbled, still smiling. "i'm fine. perfectly fine. just⊠surprised you're changing in the middle of the room, that's all."
He chuckled, running a hand through his dark hair. "this is my room. and you've seen me shirtless plenty of times. at the beach last summer, remember? or when we went swimming at Sunoo's parents' pool?"
"That was different" you muttered, walking over to the couch and dropping down onto it, pulling one of the soft blankets over your legs.
Your face felt hot. the alcohol wasn't helping you hide anything.
Jay followed, sitting on the other end of the couch but turning toward you. the room felt even more intimate now â just the two of you in comfortable clothes, the golden lights dimmed slightly, the faint sound of the city outside barely audible.
"So" he said after a moment, grabbing the half-empty bottle of water and taking a sip before offering it to you. "you really didn't enjoy it with Sunghoon?"
You groaned, covering your face with both hands. "we're back to this?"
"I'm curious" he said simply. "you're my best friend. if some guy didn't treat you right or couldn't make it good for you, i need to know. i'll kick his ass if necessary."
You peeked at him through your fingers. he looked genuinely relaxed, but there was that focused intensity in his eyes again â the same one he got when he was trying to read you.
"It wasn't bad" you said slowly, lowering your hands. "he was⊠nice. polite. good-looking, obviously. but it just felt⊠mechanical. like we were both going through the motions. i thought maybe sleeping with someone would help clear my head about certain things, but it only made it worse."
Jay tilted his head. "worse how?"
You shrugged, tracing patterns on the blanket with your finger.
Your mind was still swirling with images you couldn't say out loud âhis low groans filling this exact room.
"Just⊠confirmed some stuff" you said vaguely. "that i'm probably not built for casual stuff. my brain gets too loud."
Jay was quiet for a beat. then he shifted closer, stretching his arm along the back of the couch until his fingers lightly brushed your shoulder again.
"You've always been like that" he murmured. "even back in high school. you overthink everything. except when you're telling me way too many details about your personal life."
You laughed, the sound breathy. "i was young and stupid. and you were the only person i trusted enough to say that stuff to."
"Still am?" he asked, voice quieter now.
You met his eyes. the tension between you felt alive, humming under the surface. "yeah. still you."
The silence stretched comfortably. Jay eventually stood up. he grabbed another blanket and tossed it over you before settling back down â closer this time, so your legs were almost touching.
"Remember when we first became friends?" he asked suddenly, staring at the ceiling. "you used to sit there during lunch, pretending you weren't listening to me play. i thought you were cute. shy, but cute."
Your heart fluttered. "i had the biggest crush on you for like⊠two years before i even admitted it to myself."
Jay turned his head to look at you, surprise flickering across his face for a split second before that cool mask returned. "Yeah?"
"Yeah" you whispered, the alcohol making you honest. "but you were always so⊠you. cool. talented. out of reach. so i settled for being your best friend instead."
He didn't answer right away. instead, he reached over and gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. his touch lingered.
"You're not out of reach to me" he said softly.
The words hung heavy in the air. your body felt warm all over â from the drinks, from his proximity, from years of wanting.
You turned onto your side to face him better, the blanket slipping down slightly.
"Jay⊠can i ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Have you ever⊠thought about me like that? more than just a friend?"
He was quiet for a long moment, dark eyes studying your face. then he gave you that half-smirk again, the one that made your knees weak.
"I'm not drunk enough to answer that tonight."
You laughed, but there was nervous excitement bubbling inside you. "coward."
"Maybe" he said, chuckling. "or maybe i'm just responsible. one of us has to be when the other is this tipsy."
You spent the next hour talking like that â about old memories, stupid fights you had in high school, the group chats with Heeseung and Jake that always got chaotic, how weird it felt to be actual adults now.
Eventually, you both were in bed under thin blankets.
Jay's voice was low and soothing. every once in a while his hand would brush your arm, casual touches that felt anything but.
At some point you shifted, and your head ended up resting against his chest.
He didn't push you away. instead, his arm came around you, holding you loosely.
"You're warm" you mumbled sleepily, the alcohol finally catching up to you fully.
"So are you" he replied, voice barely above a whisper.
Your mind kept drifting back to filthy places even as sleep pulled at you â imagining sliding your hand under the waistband of his shorts, tasting his skin, hearing him say your name in that deep tone.
But for now, you let yourself enjoy the closeness. the safety.
Jay's fingers traced slow patterns on your back through the t-shirt.
"Get some sleep" he murmured against the top of your head. "we'll talk more in the morning. when you're sober."
You nodded, eyes already closing.
But even as you drifted off, safe in his arms in the soft golden light of his room, you knew one thing for certain:
Pretending was getting harder and harder.
You lay there for what felt like forever, curled against his side under the soft blanket, but sleep refused to come.
The alcohol had loosened your body, but your mind was wide awake, buzzing with years of suppressed feelings and the heavy warmth of Jay's arm draped loosely around you.
Every small shift of his body, every steady breath he took, made your skin prickle with awareness.
Jay wasn't sleeping either. you knew him too well â he never could fully relax until he knew you were safe and asleep. it was one of those quiet protective habits he'd had since high school.
With a soft sigh, you sat up slowly, the oversized t-shirt slipping slightly off one shoulder. you stayed close, your thigh still pressed against his.
Jay shifted beside you, propping himself up on one elbow. his dark hair was slightly messy, and his eyes scanned your face with that familiar sharpness.
"Can't sleep?" he asked quietly.
You shook your head. "too many thoughts."
He hummed in understanding but didn't push. for a moment, comfortable silence settled between you again. then you spoke, the alcohol still giving you just enough courage.
"You know⊠i doubt Jake would've randomly told you about Sunghoon unless you asked him first." you turned your head to look at him directly. "so why the curiosity, Jay?"
Jay let out a slow sigh, running a hand through his hair as he stared at the ceiling for a second. when he looked back at you, his expression was calm but serious.
"Because you're my best friend" he said simply. "it's my job to look out for you. to make sure no dickhead hurts you, gets your hopes up, or leaves you feeling like shit afterward. i've been doing that since we were in secondary school. nothing's changed."
You fell quiet, processing his words.
The weight of them sat heavy in your chest. his protection had always felt safe⊠but lately it felt like something more. something that made your stomach twist in confusing, needy ways.
Jay noticed your silence. he tilted his head slightly. "why are you thinking about all of this right now? you know i worry about you. that's not new."
You bit your lip, fingers playing with the edge of the blanket. "i guess⊠i've been wondering lately if i've ever mistaken your protection for something else. like⊠possessiveness."
Jay stared at you for a beat, then let out a low, genuine laugh â the kind that made his eyes crinkle at the corners.
He sat up fully now, swinging his legs so he was facing you directly. the movement brought him much closer, your knees nearly touching, his presence suddenly filling your space.
"Possessiveness?" he repeated, still chuckling in disbelief. "you're way too drunk to be throwing words like that around."
You met his gaze, your heart beating faster. "i'm drunk, but i'm sober enough to notice that you're the one acting weird tonight."
Jay laughed again, softer this time, shaking his head. "me? weird?"
He leaned in a little, voice dropping. "you're the one whose breathing keeps changing every time i get close. the one who keeps pressing your thighs together when my hand brushes your arm or when i fix your posture during lessons. you think i don't notice?"
Your mouth went dry. heat flooded your cheeks.
He was right â painfully right. you'd been doing exactly that for the past two months during every guitar session. and tonight, with the alcohol stripping away your filters, it was impossible to hide.
You stayed silent for a long moment, just looking at him. then you put on that fake-innocent expression you knew he could see right through â wide eyes, slight tilt of your head.
"If you know all of that⊠why don't you do anything about it?"
The question hung in the air like smoke. Jay's smirk faded into something more intense, more focused. his dark eyes searched yours carefully.
"Because i'd never do anything you haven't asked for" he said, voice low and steady. "not with you. never."
Your face grew hotter. you could feel the blush spreading down your neck.
The tension in the room thickened, wrapping around both of you. you were hyper-aware of everything: the way his bare arm looked under the golden light, the faint scent of his skin mixed with the laundry detergent on the t-shirt he was wearing, how close his mouth was if you just leaned forward a few inches.
You swallowed hard, your voice barely above a whisper. "and if i did ask⊠would you give it to me?"
Jay didn't answer with words right away.
Instead, he reached out slowly, his fingers gently brushing your hair away from your face before tucking it carefully behind your ear.
The touch was light, but it sent electricity racing across your skin. His hand lingered there for a second, thumb grazing your cheekbone.
Then he nodded. once. slow and deliberate.
Your heart slammed against your ribs.
The simple gesture and that quiet confirmation made your stomach flip violently.
In your mind, the thoughts rushed in unfiltered â filthy, desperate images of his hands on your body, his voice in your ear, finally giving in to what you'd wanted for years. but you stayed still, letting the tension stretch.
Jay's eyes stayed locked on yours, calm but burning with something deeper. he didn't move closer or pull away. he just waited, giving you the space to decide what came next.
"You're really going to make me say it out loud, huh?" you murmured, a nervous little smile tugging at your lips.
He smirked again, that trademark Jay confidence returning. "i'm not assuming anything with you. i've known you too long. if this is what you want, you're going to have to be clear."
You let out a shaky breath, shifting slightly on the bed.
Your thigh pressed more firmly against his. neither of you moved away.
"I've wanted this for so long" you admitted quietly, the alcohol and years of repression loosening your tongue.
"Not just tonight. since we were in high school. every time you taught me guitar⊠every time we'd end up here talking until 3 a.m.⊠it's been driving me crazy."
Jay listened without interrupting, his expression unreadable but his body language open.
He moved one hand on the bed near your leg, close enough that you could feel the heat radiating from him.
"You hid it well" he said eventually, voice rougher than before. "most of the time."
"Guess i'm not hiding it anymore."
He chuckled softly. "No. you're really not."
Another stretch of heavy silence. your eyes dropped to his mouth for a second before flicking back up. Jay noticed, of course.
He always noticed.
"You're nervous" he observed, not teasing this time. just stating it. "your pulse is going crazy right here." his fingers lightly touched the side of your neck, feeling your heartbeat.
You didn't deny it. instead, you leaned into his touch just slightly.
"I'm nervous because it's you" you whispered. "because if we do this⊠it changes everything."
Jay's thumb brushed slowly along your jaw. "it doesn't have to. not unless we want it to."
His words were careful, responsible â so typically Jay.
Even now, when the air between you crackled with years of built-up desire, he was still thinking about protecting what you had. it only made you want him more.
You stayed like that for a while longer, talking in low voices.
Every small movement â your fingers brushing his arm â felt loaded.
The tension was thick enough to taste. your body ached with it, a deep, warm need that had been growing for years, sharpened by every guitar lesson, every late-night conversation, every moment you'd spent pretending.
But still, you didn't cross the line. not yet.
The silence between you stretched, thick and electric. your heart hammered so hard you were sure he could hear it.
The soft lighting in Jay's room wrapped around both of you like a secret, making every small movement feel heavier than it should.
You shifted closer on the bed, moving until you were on your knees beside him.
Jay was leaning back against the pillows in a way that left space â deliberate space. if you wanted to climb on him, kiss him, do anything⊠he wouldn't pull away. his dark eyes followed you calmly, patient as always.
"You don't have to feel any pressure" he said quietly, voice low and steady. "even Heeseung and Jake noticed. they've been telling me for weeks how obviously into me you are. i couldn't exactly deny feeling it too⊠but i didn't want to make things weird between us."
His honesty hit you hard. you leaned in slowly and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek, lingering there for a second. his skin was warm under your lips.
"I don't want things to get uncomfortable either" you whispered against his cheek. "if we do this⊠if something happens⊠i promise i can pretend it never did. until we figure out how we really feel. no pressure on you either.â
Jay nodded once, then shifted back until he was leaning against the headboard of his bed.
The blankets were rumpled around you both.
You hesitated only a moment longer before swinging one leg over his lap and settling yourself straddling him.
The oversized t-shirt you wore rode up your thighs slightly as you sat down. Jay's hands came up naturally to rest on your waist â steady, supportive, but respectful.
His fingers didn't wander lower. he simply held you there, giving you balance without pushing for more.
For a few seconds, neither of you spoke. you were both breathing a little heavier. your hands rested on his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart under the thin fabric of his shirt.
You traced small, nervous circles with your fingertips, exploring the firm muscle you'd stared at so many times during those guitar lessons.
Jay watched you closely, that cool, observant expression still on his face even now.
"You've been thinking about this for a long time, haven't you?" he murmured.
You nodded, biting your lip. your hands slid slowly up his chest to his shoulders, then back down again, feeling the warmth of him through the shirt. "yeah⊠especially during those lessons. every time you sat behind me⊠every time your hands were on mineâŠ"
You leaned forward and kissed his other cheek, then the corner of his jaw. your fingers kept moving, sliding over his collarbones, down his arms, learning the shape of him like you'd wanted to for years.
Jay's grip on your waist tightened just slightly â not enough to control, just enough to show he was affected.
"You have no idea how hard it's been keeping my hands where they belong during those lessons" he said, voice dropping lower, a little rougher around the edges.
"Sitting that close to you, feeling you react every time i touch your fingers⊠knowing you're getting wet just from that. it's been driving me fucking crazy too."
Your breath hitched at his words. the slight dirty edge to them â so rare from him â sent heat rushing through your whole body. you pressed your palms flat against his chest again, feeling how his breathing had changed.
"I want you to teach me what good sex feels like, Jay" you finally whispered, the words spilling out shy but honest.
Your face burned as you said it, but you didn't look away.
Jay's eyes darkened, but he still held himself back. his thumbs brushed slow, soothing circles on your waist over the t-shirt.
"You're sure?" he asked, even now checking. "we can stop anytime. this doesn't change anything if you don't want it to."
"I'm sure" you breathed.
You leaned in and finally kissed him properly.
The first kiss was soft â tentative, testing.
His lips were warm and surprisingly gentle against yours. then you tilted your head a little more, deepening it, and Jay responded with a low hum that vibrated through his chest.
One of his hands stayed firmly on your waist while the other came up to cup the back of your neck, not pulling, just supporting.
You kissed him again, slower this time, savoring it. your hands grew bolder, sliding under the hem of his shirt to touch bare skin.
You traced the lines of his abs, feeling the way his stomach tensed under your fingertips. Jay let out a quiet breath against your mouth when your nails grazed lightly over his skin.
"Fuck..." he muttered between kisses, voice husky. "you've been holding back a lot, haven't you? all those times you sat in this room acting innocent while your mind was somewhere filthyâŠ"
You smiled shyly against his lips, still that mix of timid and needy. "Maybe."
Your hands kept exploring â running up his back, feeling the muscle there, then back to his chest.
You could feel how hard his heart was beating. you shifted slightly in his lap, not grinding, just adjusting closer, and Jay's fingers flexed on your waist.
He kissed you again, a little deeper this time, his tongue brushing yours carefully. when you pulled back for air, he rested his forehead against yours.
"You're shaking" he observed quietly, always noticing everything. "still nervous?"
"A little" you admitted, your fingers still tracing patterns on his chest under his shirt. "but i want this. i've wanted it for so long."
Jay's hand slid up your back in a slow, comforting stroke. "then we take it slow. i'm not rushing anything with you."
His voice dropped again, that slight dirty tone returning. "even if i've thought about bending you over that guitar stool more times than i should admit."
Your face flushed hot. you kissed him again to hide your embarrassment, hands cupping his face now.
The kiss grew heavier, more urgent, but Jay kept control â never letting his hands move lower than your waist, never pushing your hips down against him.
You broke the kiss and pressed your face into his neck, breathing him in as your fingers continued their slow exploration of his torso.
You could feel him getting hard beneath you, but he made no move to do anything about it.
"Tell me what you've thought about" you whispered against his skin, shy but curious.
Jay let out a low chuckle, the sound vibrating against your cheek. "you really want to hear that right now?"
You nodded, kissing his neck softly.
He exhaled slowly. "a lot of nights after you left these lessons⊠i thought about how pretty you look when you're concentrated. how your breathing changes when i get close. thought about what sounds you'd make if i finally touched you properly instead of pretending it was just about guitar chords."
Your thighs squeezed instinctively around his hips. Jay noticed but didn't comment on it, just kept talking in that low, controlled voice.
"I've wondered how you'd taste" he added, almost casually. "how you'd look sitting on my lap like this, trying so hard to stay quiet because your brothers might hear if we were at your house."
You let out a shaky breath, your hands tightening on his shoulders.
The tension was almost unbearable now â heavy, aching, delicious. you kissed him again, deeper, your body pressing closer against his chest while your hands roamed freely under his shirt.
Jay kissed you back with the same measured intensity, one hand still steady on your waist, the other gently threading through your hair. he was hard beneath you, you could feel it clearly, but he remained the same Jay â cool-headed, teasing even now.
"You're going to kill me if you keep touching me like that" he murmured against your lips, a hint of a smirk in his voice. "those hands have been driving me insane for months."
You smiled, a little breathless, and kissed the corner of his mouth. "good. because you've been doing the same to me every single lesson."
The two of you stayed like that for a long time â kissing slowly, touching carefully, talking in low voices between heated moments.
The world outside felt far away. years of friendship and hidden desire were finally cracking open, but still slowly, still safely.
Jay pulled back after one particularly long kiss, brushing his thumb over your bottom lip.
"Still okay?" he asked, eyes searching yours.
You nodded, leaning in to kiss him again.
Neither of you were ready to stop yet. the night was young, the tension was perfect, and for the first time, you weren't pretending anymore.
You kept kissing him, deeper now, with a hunger that surprised even you. despite the innocent, pure look on your face â wide eyes, flushed cheeks â any shyness had melted away under the heat of the alcohol and years of built-up need.
Your hands moved with purpose, sliding down Jay's chest, over his stomach, until you boldly palmed the obvious bulge straining against his gray pajama shorts.
Jay let out a sharp breath against your mouth, then another low sigh as your fingers rubbed him slowly through the fabric. je was hard, thick, and warm under your touch. you didn't hesitate, stroking him with more confidence, feeling him twitch under your palm.
"FuckâŠ" he muttered between kisses, his voice rougher.
He finally broke the kiss, pulling back just enough to look down between your bodies.
There you were â straddling him, hand shamelessly rubbing his erection right beneath where you sat. his dark eyes darkened further.
"You're not playing around tonight, huh?" he said, voice low and slightly amused, but clearly affected.
You leaned in closer, lips brushing his ear, your voice needy and breathless. "i need you so bad right now, Jay⊠please. i want you to fuck me."
Jay let out a short, surprised laugh, the sound husky. "then take all your clothes off" he said, half-joking, half-challenging, that signature teasing tone still there even now.
But you were too far gone.
Without hesitation, you sat back on his thighs and pulled the oversized t-shirt over your head, revealing your bare chest. then you lifted your hips and slid the pajama shorts down your legs, kicking them aside until you were left in just your panties.
Your skin felt hot under his gaze.
Jay cursed under his breath â a low, impressed "shitâŠ" â as his eyes raked over your body. his hands stayed respectful on your waist for a moment longer before he helped steady you.
"Come here" he murmured, pulling you back onto his lap properly.
The kissing resumed, hotter this time.
Your hand returned to stroking him through his shorts while his mouth moved from your lips to your jaw, then down your neck.
He sucked lightly on your skin, not enough to leave marks yet, but enough to make you whimper softly.
You ground against his bulge slowly, feeling the friction through the thin layers separating you. Jay's breathing grew heavier, his hands finally sliding up your sides, thumbs brushing the underside of your breasts.
"You've been hiding this body from me during all those lessons?" he said against your neck, voice low and a little dirty. "sitting there acting all innocent while i was trying not to think about how you'd look like this⊠straddling me, touching my cock like you own it."
You moaned softly at his words, your hand squeezing him firmer. "i thought about it every time."
Jay kissed you hard again, then shifted both of you. he moved you off his lap gently and stood up, quickly pulling his own shirt off and dropping his shorts.
His cock sprang free â hard, flushed, and bigger than you'd imagined in your filthiest thoughts. he was smooth, well-kept, the head already glistening.
He sat back down against the headboard and pulled you back on top, but this time he guided you into a different position.
He turned you so you were facing away from him, your back to his chest, straddling his lap in reverse.
"Like this" he said quietly, voice steady but thick with want. "i want to feel you."
His hands settled on your hips, guiding you as you lowered yourself.
He didn't enter you yet â instead, he pulled your panties to the side and slid his cock between your folds, letting you grind along his length. the heat of him against your wet pussy made you gasp.
You leaned back against his chest, one of his arms wrapping around your waist to hold you steady while his other hand reached down to rub slow circles on your clit.
His mouth was right by your ear, breathing warm against it.
"Slow" he reminded you, always in some control. "we've got all night."
You rocked your hips, sliding along his cock, coating him with how wet you were.
Jay groaned softly, the sound vibrating against your back. he kept rubbing your clit with practiced fingers, occasionally squeezing your breast with his free hand, rolling your nipple gently.
"Feel how hard you made me?" he murmured, lips brushing your ear. "all those guitar lessons⊠you sitting between my legs, biting your lip every time i touched you. i wanted to pull you back against me just like this."
You moaned, moving faster against him. Jay adjusted his grip, lifting you slightly before finally guiding the head of his cock to your entrance.
"Ready?" he asked, checking one last time.
"Yes" you breathed.
He lowered you slowly onto him, inch by inch.
The stretch was perfect â full, deep, overwhelming in the best way.
When he bottomed out, both of you let out shaky breaths. he stayed still for a moment, letting you adjust, his arm tight around your waist, the other hand still between your legs rubbing your clit.
Then he started moving.
He thrust up into you in a steady rhythm, deep and controlled.
You braced your hands on his thighs, leaning forward slightly as you rode him in reverse, matching his pace.
The position let him hit deep with every roll of his hips, his cock dragging against that perfect spot inside you.
Jay's breathing was ragged now, but his voice stayed low near your ear. "that's it⊠just like that. you feel so fucking good."
His hand on your clit never stopped, matching the rhythm of his thrusts.
The other hand gripped your hip, guiding you down onto him harder.
The sound of skin meeting skin filled the warm room, mixed with your soft moans and his occasional low groans.
You leaned further forward, hands on his knees for leverage, bouncing on his cock while he thrust up to meet you. Jay cursed again, the view from behind clearly affecting him.
"Look at you" he said, voice strained but still teasing. "taking me so well after wanting it for yearsâŠ"
The pleasure built fast â the angle, his fingers on your clit, the deep thrusts.
Your thighs started trembling. Jay noticed, as always, and wrapped his arm tighter around you, holding you close as he fucked you through it.
Your back arching against his chest, a broken moan leaving your lips. Jay kept moving, slower now, drawing it out, murmuring quiet praise against your neck.
He didn't stop completely. after you caught your breath, he guided you to lean all the way forward, chest almost to the bed, still connected.
He sat up straighter behind you, hands on your hips as he thrust deeper, faster, chasing his own release.
The position was intense â you face down, ass up, Jay behind you thrusting with controlled power. his hands roamed your back, occasionally gripping your hair lightly to pull you back against him.
"Fuck, you're squeezing me so tight" he groaned.
You pushed back against him, meeting every thrust. Jay's pace grew more urgent, but he never lost that cool edge â always making sure you were okay, his hands soothing even as he fucked you harder.
You kept moving on him, rolling your hips in a slow, needy rhythm as you rode Jay in reverse.
Your back was pressed against his chest, his cock buried deep inside you with every downward motion.
The stretch felt incredible, and the position let you feel every inch of him. your hands gripped his thighs for balance while his arm stayed wrapped around your waist, the other hand still teasing your clit with slow, deliberate circles.
But Jay had other plans.
His hands slid to your hips, gripping firmly but not harshly.
With a low murmur against your ear â "let me take over for a bit" â he guided you forward. you leaned down, hands bracing on the bed as he smoothly shifted your body off his lap and onto all fours. the transition was fluid, his cock slipping out for just a second before he positioned himself behind you.
Your hips stayed high, ass up, while your chest and face pressed down into the mattress.
The soft sheets muffled your heavy breathing as Jay knelt behind you.
He reached forward, gathering both of your arms gently but decisively, pulling them behind your lower back. he held your wrists together with one hand, limiting your movement without being overly restrictive.
His grip was secure, controlling, but still careful â classic Jay.
"Fuck⊠JayâŠ" you moaned loudly, the sound shameless and needy.
Your voice echoed in the warm room, much louder than you'd ever been with anyone else. "it feels so deep like thisâŠ"
He rubbed the head of his cock along your soaked folds for a moment, teasing, before pushing back inside you in one smooth, deep thrust.
You cried out, face buried in the mattress as your ass stayed arched high for him.
Jay started moving â deep and fast, but not brutal.
Each thrust was powerful and controlled, hitting that perfect spot inside you with precision. the sound of skin slapping skin filled the room, steady and rhythmic.
"Shit, listen to you" he said, voice low and slightly amused even now.
"You're so loud tonight. all those years pretending to be shy during our lessons⊠and now you're moaning like this with your face in my bed."
You whimpered loudly in response, unable to hold back. "i can't help it⊠you're so deepâ ahh!" another loud moan tore from your throat as he thrust particularly deep, holding it there for a second before resuming his pace.
Jay kept your wrists pinned at your lower back with one hand while his other hand reached up and gathered your hair.
He didn't yank it â he simply held it firmly, using it as leverage to keep your head down against the mattress while he fucked you. the gentle tug on your scalp sent sparks through your body.
"That's it" he murmured, breathing heavier but still composed. "keep that ass up for me. you feel incredible like this⊠so wet. been thinking about this view for months every time you left my room."
Your moans grew louder, unrestrained. every deep thrust pushed a new sound out of you â high-pitched whimpers mixed with desperate gasps and full moans.
Your hips pushed back against him instinctively, meeting his rhythm as much as his grip on your wrists allowed.
"Jayâ oh god, right thereâ fuck" you cried out, voice breaking. Your face stayed pressed into the sheets, cheek turned to the side, eyes half-closed in pleasure.
He leaned forward slightly, chest closer to your back, changing the angle just enough to make you see stars.
His thrusts never faltered â consistent, deep, fast enough to make your thighs shake but never rough enough to cross into discomfort.
"You're squeezing me so tight" he groaned near your ear, voice rough but still that familiar Jay tone â teasing underneath the lust. "all that tension from the guitar lessons finally coming out, huh?⊠you were this wet thinking about me fucking you like this?"
"Yesâ fuck" you moaned loudly, almost sobbing into the mattress.
Your body rocked forward with each thrust, but Jay's hold on your wrists and hair kept you exactly where he wanted you. "i need more⊠please don't stopâ"
He didn't.
He kept the pace steady, fucking you thoroughly.
Minutes passed like this â long, drawn-out, filthy minutes filled with the wet sounds of your bodies connecting and your increasingly loud moans. Jay would occasionally slow down to grind deep inside you, letting you feel every inch, before picking up speed again.
After a while, he released your wrists but only to adjust your position further.
He gently pushed your upper body fully down onto the bed, guiding you into a prone-bone angle â your hips still tilted up, legs slightly spread, chest and face pressed flat against the mattress.
He moved with you, covering your back with his chest as he slid back inside.
This new position felt even deeper. Jay's weight pressed you into the bed as he thrust down into you, one hand still tangled in your hair, the other braced beside your head for support.
"Still good?" he asked between thrusts, voice low and caring even as he fucked you harder. "tell me if it's too much."
"It'sâ ah... it's perfectâ Jay, fuck" your voice was loud and broken, moans spilling out continuously now.
The mattress muffled some of them, but not enough. you were loud, needy, completely lost in the sensation.
Jay let out a low chuckle that turned into a groan as you clenched around him. "you're going to wake up the whole house if you keep moaning like that. not that i mind⊠i like hearing how much you need this."
He kept the rhythm deep and fast, hips snapping against your ass with controlled power.
The angle made his cock drag perfectly against your g-spot with every stroke. his hand in your hair kept you grounded, his lips occasionally brushing your shoulder or the back of your neck as he fucked you.
"You're doing so well" he murmured, voice husky against your ear. "my best friend moaning my name while i fuck her exactly how she needs."
"Jayâ pleaseâŠ" you whined loudly, pushing your hips back as much as the position allowed. your hands gripped the sheets tightly, body trembling from the sustained pleasure.
He kept going, deep, fast, relentless but never rough.
Always observant â adjusting when your moans pitched higher, slowing for a few strokes when your thighs shook too much, then building the pace again.
Jay kept his steady, deep rhythm, fucking you thoroughly from behind while you stayed pressed into the mattress. your loud moans continued filling the room without filter â raw, needy, and unrestrained.
But he wasn't done changing things up.
He slowed his thrusts gradually, then pulled out carefully.
Before you could protest the sudden emptiness, he flipped you onto your back with strong but gentle hands.
You barely had time to catch your breath before he was between your legs again, spreading them wide and settling on top of you.
This time, though, he hooked both of your legs over his shoulders, folding you nearly in half.
Your hips lifted off the bed as he leaned forward, bringing his face close to yours. the new angle made everything feel impossibly deeper.
"Jayâ fuckâ" you moaned loudly as he pushed back inside you in one smooth motion.
Your voice cracked with pleasure, eyes fluttering. "it's so deep like this⊠i can feel everythingâ"
He braced his hands on either side of your head, his dark eyes locked on your face as he started moving again. deep, fast strokes that made your breasts bounce with every thrust.
Your legs trembled over his shoulders, ankles near his ears.
Jay's expression stayed focused â that cool, controlled look mixed with clear desire.
He wasn't being rough, but the way he drove into you was relentless, hitting that perfect spot over and over.
"Look at me" he said, voice low and a little strained. "want to see your face while i fuck you."
You tried, but another loud moan tore from your throat as he ground deep inside you, rolling his hips in a way that made your toes curl. "ahâ Jay, right thereâ don't stopâ"
Your hands flew up to grip his arms, nails digging into his biceps as he held you folded beneath him.
The position left you completely exposed, hips tilted up, taking every inch of his cock with each thrust.
You were so loud now â moaning, whimpering, gasping his name repeatedly.
The sounds bounced off the walls of his warm-lit room.
Jay leaned down further, almost bending you in half, and kissed you messily.
His tongue slid against yours as he kept thrusting, the wet slap of skin on skin growing louder. when he pulled back, his breathing was heavier.
"You're so fucking loud tonight" he murmured against your lips, a hint of that teasing smirk appearing even now.
"I can'tâ ah, it feels too goodâ" you cried out, head falling back against the pillows.
Your face was flushed, lips parted, eyes glassy with pleasure. every deep thrust pushed a new moan out of you. "Jay⊠Jay, pleaseâ it's so muchââ
He kept the pace fast and deep, hips snapping forward with controlled power.
The angle made his cock drag perfectly against your g-spot on every stroke. one of his hands moved down to rub your clit again, adding another layer of overwhelming sensation.
You were a mess beneath him â legs over his shoulders, body folded, moaning shamelessly loud with every movement.
Your hands roamed his back, scratching lightly down his skin as pleasure built higher and higher.
"Fuck, you feel perfect" Jay groaned, voice rough but still composed.
He kissed your neck, sucking lightly as he continued thrusting. "been wanting to have you like this for so long. all spread out, taking me so well⊠moaning my name like you can't get enough."
"I can'tâ i really can'tâ" you sobbed-moaned, voice breaking. your hips tried to move to meet his thrusts, but the position left you mostly at his mercy. "it's so deep, Jay⊠i'm so close alreadyâ"
He immediately slowed his pace just enough to keep you on the edge without pushing you over, drawing out the moment. His thrusts became long, deliberate strokes â pulling almost all the way out before sliding back in deep and grinding against you.
"Not yet" he said softly, almost teasing. "we're not done."
He changed the angle slightly, pressing your thighs further back as he leaned over you.
The new depth made you cry out even louder, your voice echoing in the room. Jay's hand stayed on your clit, rubbing slow circles while he fucked you with those deep, fast strokes.
Sweat glistened on both your bodies under the soft brown-gold lighting. Jay's hair fell messily over his forehead as he watched your face, always observant, always checking your reactions.
"Every time I hit this spot right hereâ" he thrust deep and ground against you to emphasize, making you moan loudly again. "âyou get even wetter. you really did want this bad, didn't you?"
"Yesâ god, yesâ i've wanted you for yearsâ" you gasped, voice loud and broken.
Your hands gripped his shoulders tighter as another wave of pleasure washed over you, keeping you right on the edge.
Jay kept going, deep and fast, but always controlled. he would lean down to kiss you messily every so often, swallowing some of your loud moans before pulling back to watch you again.
His hand never left your clit, building the tension higher without letting it break.
After a while, he lowered your legs from his shoulders but kept them spread wide. he stayed on top, chest pressed to yours in a more classic missionary, but still deep and intense.
His hips rolled against yours in a steady rhythm, grinding deep with every thrust.
"Still okay?" he asked between strokes, always the caring one even now.
"So okayâ fuck, Jay, it feels amazingâ" you moaned loudly, wrapping your legs around his waist to pull him deeper.
The room filled with the sounds of your loud, needy moans, his low groans, and the wet rhythm of your bodies moving together.
Jay kept the pace deep and fast, drawing it out, making the pleasure last as long as possible.
He kissed your neck, your jaw, your lips â mixing tenderness with the raw intensity of how he was fucking you.
His hand occasionally slid up to hold one of your wrists above your head, not pinning hard, just keeping you in place while he drove into you.
"You sound so pretty when you're this loud" he whispered against your ear, voice rough. "moaning for your best friend like this⊠after all this time."
Your response was another loud, broken moan as he hit that perfect angle again.
The tension kept building, higher and higher, but Jay expertly kept you both teetering right on the edge â not letting either of you fall over just yet.
You were right on the edge.
Your body was shaking underneath Jay, legs wrapped tightly around his waist as he fucked you deep and steady. your moans had become desperate, broken cries that filled the entire room.
"Jayâ i'm so closeâ please, i'm gonna cumâ" you gasped loudly, your voice cracking with need. your nails dug into his back as the pressure built unbearably tight inside you.
But Jay suddenly slowed down, then stopped moving completely, buried to the hilt inside you. he held perfectly still, breathing heavily against your neck.
"Not yet" he murmured, voice low and composed, that teasing control still fully intact. "you're not cumming yet."
You let out a loud, frustrated whine, trying to roll your hips up desperately, but he pinned you down with his weight, refusing to give you the last bit of friction you needed.
"Jay⊠pleaseâŠ" you begged, voice needy and loud. "i was so closeâ"
He kissed the corner of your mouth softly, then slowly pulled out of you, making you whimper at the sudden emptiness.
Your pussy throbbed painfully, slick and desperate.
Jay moved down your body with deliberate calmness. he spread your legs wide, settling between them on his stomach.
His dark eyes looked up at your flushed, innocent-looking face as he wrapped his strong arms around your thighs, holding you open for him.
"Since you're being so loud and impatient" he said, voice husky but still teasing, "i'm going to taste you instead. but you still don't get to cum until i say so."
Before you could respond, Jay leaned in and dragged his tongue slowly up your soaked folds.
You moaned loudly, back arching off the bed at the sudden intense pleasure.
"Fuckâ Jayâ"
He took his time, exploring you with his mouth like he had all night. his tongue moved in slow, broad strokes from your entrance up to your clit, savoring how wet you were.
Then he circled your swollen clit with the tip of his tongue, applying just enough pressure to keep you right on the edge without pushing you over.
You were loud â extremely loud. your moans echoed shamelessly in his warm-lit room as he ate you out.
"Oh my godâ Jay⊠that feels so goodâ" you cried out, one hand flying down to grip his hair. your hips tried to buck against his face, but his strong arms kept your thighs firmly pinned down, controlling your movements.
Jay hummed against your pussy, the vibration making you whimper even louder.
He alternated between long, slow licks and focused sucking on your clit, occasionally dipping his tongue inside you. his technique was precise and confident â typical Jay, even in this.
"You taste even better than i imagined" he murmured against your wet skin, voice slightly muffled. "all those guitar lessons⊠and i had no idea how sweet this pretty pussy was."
You moaned brokenly, head thrown back against the pillows. "Jayâ pleaseâ i need to cum so badâ i can't take itâ"
He ignored your begging and continued devouring you.
His tongue flicked rapidly over your clit for a few seconds, then slowed down again, edging you mercilessly.
Every time your thighs started trembling harder and your moans pitched higher, he would pull back slightly, kissing your inner thighs or blowing cool air on your sensitive folds until the orgasm threat faded just enough.
You were a complete mess â loud, desperate, and dripping.
"Ah! Jayâ your tongue feels too goodâ" you sobbed, voice hoarse from how much you'd been moaning. your free hand gripped the sheets tightly beside you, knuckles turning white.
Jay slid two fingers inside you slowly while his mouth focused on your clit, curling them upward to press against that sensitive spot. the combination made you cry out even louder, almost screaming his name.
"Jayâ fuckâ i'm so close againâ please let me cum this timeâ"
But he pulled his fingers out and slowed his tongue once more, denying you for the third time.
You let out a loud, frustrated whimper, tears of overwhelming pleasure pricking at the corners of your eyes.
"Not yet" he repeated calmly, kissing your clit softly. "i want you shaking for me first."
He buried his face deeper between your legs, sucking your clit into his mouth while his tongue flicked rapidly.
The wet, obscene sounds of him eating you out mixed with your loud, broken moans. he kept you spread wide, completely exposed, as he worked you over with expert patience.
Minutes passed like this â long, torturous minutes of Jay's mouth on your pussy.
He would bring you right to the brink with fast, focused licks and suction, then slow down to lazy, broad strokes that kept the pleasure simmering without exploding.
Your body was covered in a thin layer of sweat, thighs trembling uncontrollably around his head.
"You're dripping all over my chin" he murmured, voice low and slightly dirty. "such a messy girl tonight. and still trying so hard to be quiet when we both know you can't."
"I'm notâ i can't be quietâ Jay, pleaseâ" you moaned, almost incoherently now.
He slid his fingers back inside you, fucking you slowly with them while his tongue circled your clit.
The dual sensation had you seeing stars, right on the edge once again.
Your voice was getting hoarser, your moans desperate, needy sobs as he continued edging you with his mouth for what felt like forever.
Jay between your spread legs, focused and in control, while you writhed and moaned loudly beneath his skilled tongue.
He was clearly enjoying himself, occasionally humming in satisfaction against your pussy or glancing up to watch your innocent face contort with overwhelming pleasure.
"You're doing so well holding it for me" he praised softly between licks. "just a little longerâŠ"
Your body was on fire, every nerve ending screaming for release, but Jay kept you right there â teetering, desperate, and completely at his mercy.
Now you were shaking uncontrollably, your thighs trembling around Jay's head as he continued working you with his tongue.
Jay sucked your swollen clit into his mouth, flicking his tongue rapidly while his two fingers curled deep inside you, pressing firmly against that sensitive spot.
His dark eyes flicked up to watch your face as he pushed you over.
"Jayâ fuckâ i'm cummingâ!" you cried out loudly, voice breaking into a high-pitched moan that echoed through the room.
The orgasm crashed over you hard.
Your back arched violently off the bed, hips jerking against his face as waves of intense pleasure ripped through your body.
You moaned shamelessly loud, almost screaming his name as your pussy clenched around his fingers and flooded his tongue.
But Jay didn't stop.
He kept his mouth on you through the entire orgasm, licking and sucking gently but consistently, drawing it out and immediately pushing you toward another peak.
"Jayâ oh my god, it's too much... i just cameâ ah" you wailed, one hand gripping his hair tightly while the other twisted in the sheets. your legs shook uncontrollably around his shoulders.
He hummed against your pussy, the vibration sending aftershocks through you.
"I know" he murmured, voice low and slightly smug against your wet folds. "but you sound too pretty when you're falling apart. i'm not done with you yet."
He continued eating you out with focused determination â slow, broad licks mixed with quick flicks on your oversensitive clit.
His fingers kept moving inside you, curling and thrusting steadily. the wet, obscene sounds of his mouth on your dripping pussy filled the room alongside your loud, hoarse moans.
After several long minutes of this delicious torture, Jay finally pulled his mouth away, his lips and chin glistening with your arousal.
He looked up at your flushed, wrecked face with that signature cool smirk.
"On your stomach again." he said quietly, voice rough with want.
You barely had the strength to move, but he helped you, flipping you onto your belly with strong, careful hands.
He pulled your hips up so you were in doggy again â ass high, chest and face pressed down into the mattress, exactly how he liked you.
Jay knelt behind you and rubbed his hard cock along your soaked folds before pushing back inside you in one smooth, deep thrust. you moaned into the sheets as he filled you again.
"Jayâ ngghâ"
He started fucking you again with those perfect deep and fast strokes, his hips snapping against your ass.
One hand gripped your hip firmly while the other slid up your back. Then you felt it â his thumb circling your tight rim teasingly before slowly pressing inside.
The dual sensation â his thick cock stretching your pussy while his thumb gently worked inside your ass â was overwhelming.
"Shit... Jay" your body trembled as he pushed his thumb deeper, moving it in slow, careful thrusts in time with his cock.
"Relax for me" he murmured, voice low and steady even as he fucked you harder. "just a little. i've got you."
He kept the pace deep and rhythmic, cock driving into your pussy while his thumb gently fucked your ass.
The feeling was intense but not painful â just enough stretch and fullness to make your loud moans turn even more desperate.
You were a wreck â face down, ass up, moaning shamelessly loud with every thrust. Jay's free hand reached around to rub your clit again, pushing you toward another orgasm while he continued the double stimulation.
"Listen to how loud you are" he said, voice husky with arousal but still teasing. "you love this, don't you?"
"Yes... ngf... fuck yes, i love itâ" you cried out, pushing back against him desperately. "don't stop... please."
Jay kept going, deep and controlled.
His cock dragged perfectly against your g-spot with every thrust while his thumb moved gently inside you, stretching you just enough to heighten everything.
The room was filled with the wet sounds of sex, skin slapping skin, and your continuous loud moans.
He leaned forward, chest pressing against your back as he fucked you, his mouth close to your ear.
"You're squeezing me so fucking tight" he groaned softly. "both holes. such a greedy girl tonight."
You could only moan in response, completely lost in the pleasure.
Jay's rhythm never faltered â deep, fast strokes in your pussy, steady movements of his thumb in your ass, and his fingers still working your clit.
He kept you right on the edge of another orgasm, drawing it out just like before.
After several long, intense minutes, he pulled his thumb out carefully and focused entirely on fucking you deep from behind, both hands gripping your hips as he drove into you with powerful, controlled thrusts.
Jay leaned down again, kissing the back of your neck as he continued fucking you thoroughly.
"You're doing so well" he said quietly, voice warm despite how hard he was driving into you. "taking me so deep⊠being so loud for me. my perfect girl."
He kept the pace going, switching between deep grinding and faster thrusts, always keeping you full and stimulated.
He gripped your hips tighter and drove into you harder, his cock sliding in and out of your soaked, sensitive pussy with wet, obscene sounds.
"Jay, fuck... it's too muchâ" you cried out, voice breaking as he hit that perfect spot over and over.
He leaned forward, chest pressing against your back, and wrapped one arm around your waist to hold you in place. his other hand slid up to grip your shoulder, pulling you back onto his cock with every thrust.
"You can take it" he murmured against your ear, voice rough and low. "you've been waiting years for this. take it like a good girl for me."
Then he shifted again, pushing your upper body fully down while keeping your hips raised.
The weight of him on top of you again, the way his cock drove so deep at this angle, had you moaning loudly into the sheets, almost sobbing with overstimulation and pleasure.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity of him fucking you thoroughly, Jay's breathing became more ragged. his thrusts grew faster, more desperate.
This was exactly how he needed it.
He fucked you harder, hips snapping against your ass with urgent, almost frantic strokes.
His cock drove deep inside you with every thrust, the angle letting him hit as deep as possible. his breathing was heavy and labored against the back of your neck.
"Fuckâ i'm closeâ" he groaned, voice strained for the first time that night. "you feel too good⊠i can't hold it anymore."
You moaned loudly in response, pushing your ass back against him as much as you could. "cum inside me, i want to feel youâ"
That seemed to break the last bit of his control.
Jay's thrusts became erratic and desperate. he buried his face in the crook of your neck, one arm wrapped tightly around your waist, the other gripping the sheets beside your head.
His hips slammed against you faster, chasing his release with raw need.
"Shitâ fuck" he growled, voice breaking as the pleasure overtook him.
With a deep, guttural groan that vibrated against your skin, Jay buried himself as deep as possible inside you and came hard.
His cock pulsed strongly, releasing thick, warm spurts of cum deep into your pussy.
His hips stuttered and jerked against your ass as he rode out the intense orgasm, grinding deep to push every drop inside you.
He kept thrusting weakly through his climax, desperate and almost whimpering against your neck as the pleasure overwhelmed him.
His body trembled on top of yours, muscles tense, breathing ragged and hot against your skin.
He stayed pressed against you, hips twitching, making sure you took every single drop.
The desperation in his movements â the way he held you so tightly, the broken groans, the way he couldn't stop moving even after he started cumming â was raw and intense. years of tension finally snapping in that exact moment.
He stayed inside you for a long time afterward, breathing heavily, body still covering yours completely as the last aftershocks ran through him.
His cock continued to twitch inside your cum-filled pussy, making you whimper softly at the overstimulation.
The room was quiet now except for both of your heavy breathing. Jay's warm, sweaty body remained pressed against your back, his face hidden in your neck as he tried to catch his breath.
No words yet.
Just the heavy, satisfied silence and the feeling of him still deep inside you, having cum exactly where he needed to â deep, desperate, and completely lost in the moment.
The room felt quieter than it had all night.
You stayed there â face down, body spent and trembling â trying to process the overwhelming wave of emotions crashing over you.
The pleasure was still echoing through your limbs, but something deeper was settling in. something terrifying and warm at the same time.
Jay finally let out a long, shaky breath.
He pressed a slow, almost hesitant kiss to the back of your shoulder before carefully pulling out of you.
The loss of him made you whimper softly. you felt empty.
Exposed. raw.
He rolled off you and lay on his side, facing you.
For a few seconds, he just looked at you â dark eyes searching your face with that familiar intensity. his hair was messy, lips slightly swollen, skin glistening with sweat under the soft brown-gold lighting.
He looked beautiful. and suddenly, painfully real.
You turned your head to face him, cheek still pressed against the bed.
Your heart was doing something complicated in your chest.
"JayâŠ" you whispered, voice hoarse from how loudly you'd been moaning.
He reached out and gently brushed damp strands of hair away from your face. his touch was careful now, almost reverent.
"Yeah?" he answered quietly. his voice was lower than usual, a little rough.
You didn't know what to say. there were too many things at once.
I just slept with my best friend.
I let him cum inside me.
I've been in love with you for years and now i'm scared.
Instead of speaking, you shifted closer and tucked yourself against his chest.
Jay didn't hesitate â he wrapped his arms around you immediately, pulling you in.
One hand rubbed slow circles on your bare back while the other rested at the nape of your neck.
The silence stretched again, but it wasn't uncomfortable.
It was heavy.
"IâŠ" you started, then stopped.
Your fingers traced small patterns on his chest, feeling his heartbeat slowly begin to calm. "i don't know what to say right now."
Jay let out a soft breath that was almost a chuckle. "me neither."
He tilted his head down to look at you.
His expression was calm on the surface, but you knew him too well. there was something vulnerable behind his eyes.
"Are you okay?" he asked. the question was simple, but the way he asked it â gentle, serious â made your chest tighten.
You nodded against him. "yeah. just⊠a lot."
He was quiet for a moment, then spoke again, voice low. "i know. for me too."
You pulled back slightly so you could see his face better. "did you⊠want this? like, really want it? or did i justâ"
Jay cut you off by pressing his forehead against yours.
"I wanted it" he said firmly. "i've wanted it for longer than i probably should admit. but i never let myself think about it too much because⊠you're you. my best friend. the one person i didn't want to risk losing."
Your eyes stung a little.
You swallowed hard.
"I've been in love with you since second year" you confessed in a whisper. the words felt scary to say out loud, but after everything that had just happened, they also felt necessary.
"Not just⊠wanting you. loving you. for years. and tonight i just⊠i couldn't pretend anymore."
Jay's hand stilled on your back for a second. then he pulled you closer, tucking your head under his chin.
"I figured" he murmured. "i'm not blind. the way you looked at me during those guitar lessons⊠how you'd get quiet sometimes. i noticed. i just didn't know if acting on it would fuck everything up."
You let out a shaky laugh. "and now?"
He was quiet for a long time. his fingers resumed their slow movement on your back.
"Now i don't know" he admitted honestly. "but i don't regret it. not even a little." he paused. "do you?"
You shook your head quickly. "no. God, no. it felt⊠right. even if it was intense. even if i was so loud i probably woke up your neighbors."
Jay chuckled softly, the sound rumbling in his chest.
The familiar teasing tone returned just a bit. "you were really loud. i didn't know you had that in you."
You hid your face in his neck, embarrassed but smiling. "shut up. you were the one edging me for like an hour."
He laughed again, but it faded into something softer. his arms tightened around you.
"I just⊠i needed to know you really wanted it" he said quietly. "all of it. not just because you were drunk or horny. i needed to hear you fall apart for me."
You stayed silent, absorbing his words.
The vulnerability in his voice was rare. Jay was always the cool one, the one who had everything under control. hearing him admit that he'd been holding back too made something warm bloom in your chest.
"I've never felt like that with anyone else" you whispered. "not even close. it wasn't just sex, Jay. it was you."
He exhaled slowly, like he'd been holding that breath for a long time.
"Yeah" he said finally. "same here."
The two of you stayed tangled together like that for a while.
You traced a finger along his collarbone. "are you scared?" you asked softly.
Jay was quiet for a few seconds.
"A little" he admitted. "i don't want to lose what we have. the friendship. the late nights. the stupid arguments about music. you're important to me. really fucking important."
You nodded, throat tight. "me too. but⊠i also don't think i can go back to pretending i don't feel this way."
He tilted your chin up gently so you were looking at him. his dark eyes were serious, but there was warmth there too.
"Then we don't pretend" he said. "we figure it out. slowly. no pressure. you're still my best friend first. everything else⊠we'll see."
You felt tears prick at your eyes again, but this time they were different. not sad. just overwhelmed.
Jay noticed immediately. he wiped the corner of your eye with his thumb.
"Hey" he said softly, that teasing smirk returning just a fraction. "don't cry on me now. i just made you cum so hard you almost forgot your own name. this is supposed to be a victory lap."
You laughed wetly and shoved his chest lightly. "you're such an asshole."
"Your asshole" he corrected, smirking.
The joke helped. it reminded you that even after everything, he was still Jay.
Your Jay.
You snuggled closer again, legs tangling with his. His hand resumed rubbing your back, soothing and steady.
The emotional weight of the night settled over both of you â the relief, the fear, the hope, the deep affection that had always been there underneath the tension.
It wasn't simple. it wasn't clean. but it was real.
Jay held you tighter, like he was afraid you might disappear if he let go.
"Get some sleep" he murmured eventually, voice soft. "we'll talk more in the morning. when your brain isn't fried from all the orgasms i gave you."
You smiled against his skin. "cocky."
"Accurate" he replied.
Even in the emotional aftermath, the teasing remained. it felt safe. familiar.
As your eyes grew heavier, wrapped in his arms in the warm glow of his room, you realized something important:
Whatever happened next â whether this became something more or complicated everything â you didn't regret a single second.
And from the way Jay's fingers kept tracing gentle patterns on your skin long after you thought he'd fallen asleep, you suspected he didn't either.
no matter how many times you told him to stop staying at the studio until ungodly hours, your boyfriend just wouldnât listen. the man was a total workaholic, always pushing himself to the absolute limit, which meant his usual arrival time back at your shared apartment was anywhere between 2 and 3 am.
tonight was no different.
by 2:35 am, you were already tucked safely under the heavy comforter, dressed in your favorite soft pajamas, enjoying the quiet warmth of the bed. you had fully intended to stay awake to give him a proper scoldingâand maybe get some cuddlesâbut your heavy eyelids had won the battle, pulling you into a deep, peaceful sleep.
you didnât even hear the front door open, the quiet thud of his bag hitting the floor, or the sound of the shower running in the guest bathroom so he wouldn't disturb you.
when chan finally slipped into the bedroom, he was only wearing his gray boxers, his skin still smelling faintly of body wash and the cool night air. he crawled into bed carefully, trying his best not to disturb your sleep. he pulled the comforter up, settling himself right behind you.
for a long time, he just laid there in the dark.
he didn't move, but he wasn't sleeping either. the heavy silence of the bedroom was filled only by your soft, even breathing. chan stared at the back of your head, his thoughts running wild after a long, stressful day of producing. his eyes adjusted to the dark, taking in the curve of your hip underneath the blanket. his hand automatically found your waist, his thumb rubbing small circles through the fabric of your pajamas.
the simple touch was driving him crazy. he was completely exhausted, but his body was wired, aching for the comfort only you could give him. he shifted closer, pressing his chest right against your back. his length, already thick and hard inside his boxers, nudged against your backside. he laid there for another ten minutes, just breathing you in, fighting the urge to wake you, his heart hammering against his ribs from the sheer desire building up in his lower half.
finally, the friction of his heavy breathing and the growing heat pressing into you started to pull you out of your deep slumber. you stirred weakly, shifting your hips a bit.
that small movement was his breaking point.
chan leaned over you, his chest flattening against your back as a comforting, heavy warmth started pressing directly against your lower half.
â âm sorry, did i wake you up baby?â chanâs voice was a low, raspy whisper in your ear. he didn't stop moving, his hips already grinding in a slow, heavy circle right against your core through your pajama pants.
âchannie...â you started, the sudden friction causing an involuntary, breathless moan to slip past your lips. you tried to turn your head to look at him, your brain foggy, but his large palm moved to your hip, holding you firmly in place as he continued to roll his pelvis against you.
âneed you so bad, baby. please,â he whined softly, the sound muffled as he buried his face into the crook of your neck, leaving a trail of warm, desperate kisses along your sensitive skin.
you were so tired, your limbs feeling like lead. âchan, itâs late...â
âjusâ the tip, yeah?â he murmured, his voice thick with need, his lips brushing your earlobe. âi promise. just the tip.â
you knew better. every single time chan promised he would only put the tip in, it was a complete lie.
the man simply had no self-control when it came to you, especially after a long, exhausting day at work. but right now, you were too drained to put up a real fight, and the heavy ache starting to build between your own thighs from his heavy grinding was getting hard to ignore.
âmhh, âkay baby... but make it quick,â you mumbled sleepily, your hips automatically bucking back against him just a fraction to match his rhythm.
âyeah, baby, âll make it so quick you wont have to do anything,â he said, his breathing getting faster and more frantic.
his large hands worked quickly, sliding under the waistband of your pajamas and pushing both your pants and panties completely to the side, leaving your bare bottom fully exposed to the cool air of the bedroom. you heard the sharp, distinct sound of fabric shifting as he quickly freed his cock from his boxers.
without waiting, he pressed his bare length between your thighs from behind, grinding his thick head directly against your swollen, sensitive folds. your natural moisture quickly coated him, the wet, friction-filled sliding sound filling the quiet spaces of the room and making chan let out a heavy groan.
you whimpered, your body still too heavy and tired to properly keep up with the pace he was setting, your hands grasping blindly at the pillows in front of you.
then, he aligned himself perfectly and pushed the big, mushy tip of his cock just slightly past your entrance.
both of you let out a simultaneous, loud moan that echoed in the quiet bedroom.
chan paused for a second, letting out tiny, needy whimpers as he began to slide just the head in and out of you, testing your wetness. âfuck, baby... youâre gripping me so good already,â he groaned, his fingers digging firmly into your hips, his knuckles turning white from how hard he was holding you.
the rhythm quickly picked up. inch by inch, he started pushing a little deeper with every single slide. you could feel the thick stretch of him opening you up, the slick friction of his skin against yours becoming louder and wetter. just as your sleepy brain realized what was happening and you opened your mouth to protest, chan gave one heavy, determined drive of his hips.
he entered you fully, plunging all the way in until his hip bones slammed hard against your backside.
you moaned his name loudly, your hands instantly flying behind you to find his hips, trying to push him back to get some relief from the sudden, intense fullness.
âyou said jusâ the tip!â you cried out, your voice a mix of a whine and a gasp.
âfuck, yeah... âm sorry baby, i jusâ need your pussy so bad,â he panted, entirely unbothered by his broken promise, his chest heaving against your back.
before you could even process the stretch, chan halted his movements entirely. keeping his cock buried deep inside you, he gripped your waist with immense strength and carefully positioned you on top of him, your back sitting on his chest. your front was completely exposed now. he grabbed your thighs, pushing them wide apart and holding them open, his thick cock splitting you completely open from the new angle as he slid back in.
âchannie!â you cried out his name.
â âll make you feel real good, i promise,â he said, his eyes dark and completely dilated as he breathed down your neck from behind. he widened your thighs even more, his grip leaving dark marks on your skin. âi jusâ canât resist this pussy,â
chan brought his feet flat onto the mattress, using the leverage to lift his lower body slightly before he started hammering into you with a fast, heavy pace.
your moans became loud and unfiltered, your mouth open as you cried his name out into the dark room. the sheer pace of his thrusts was relentless, his cock hitting your sweet spot with every single thrust, sending waves of intense pleasure straight to your core. the mattress creaked rhythmically under the force of his movements.
âfuckinâ needed this. fuck. needed this pussy so bad,â he whimpered, his teeth gritting together as he imagined your face twist with pleasure.
he wrapped his strong forearm completely around your waist, lifting you up slightly against his pelvis so you couldn't move or escape the depth of his thrusts. with his free hand, he reached down between your bodies, his fingers finding your swollen clit and beginning to flick and rub at it with a fast, wet rhythm.
âkeep your legs open fâme, baby,â he ordered roughly, his thumb working magic on your core while his cock continued to stretch you wide open, bottoming out inside you.
the burning ache in your thighs from being held open so wide was bittersweet, completely overwhelmed by the double stimulation. your head lolled backward into his shoulder, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as your entire body began to tremble. an intense, tight warmth was rapidly building deep in your belly, coiling tighter and tighter with every heavy thud of his hips.
âchannie! please!â you sobbed, trying to shift your hips to slow him down, but he was completely unstoppable, his skin slick with sweat as he kept up the pace.
his hand moved back to your thighs, pushing them almost all the way back to your chest, angling your pelvis perfectly so he could get even deeper, the wet friction making you completely lose your mind.
âshiiit, pussy milkinâ me soo good,â he growled in a low, husky tone, completely pussy drunk and lost in the feeling of your tight walls pulsing around him.
all you could think about was him, how his cock was splitting you open, the burn of your thighs, and the warm feeling inside your belly that was about to snap.
he noticed the change in your breathing, the way your inner muscles were starting to spasm violently around his length.
âcome on my cock, baby... câmon,â he whispered hoarsely, leaning down to press his lips right against your ear, your back rubbing against his bare chest. âyou wanna come all over daddyâs cock, yeah? do it fâme.â
âoh god yes! yes! channieââ
a loud, shattered moan tore from your throat as the knot in your belly finally snapped. your body seized up completely, your walls clenching around him in a tight, desperate grip as you squirted all over him like a fountain. the sudden, hot rush of fluid drenched his thighs, wetting the bedsheets and your joined bodies completely.
chan watched from behind you in absolute amusement and hunger, his breath catching in his throat as his pupils dilated to the absolute edge.
the sheer intensity of your orgasm pulled him right over the limit. your body collapsed limply against his chest, your legs trembling uncontrollably, but chan didn't stop. he let out a guttural, deep growl, driving his hips into you two more times, burying himself as deep as he could go.
âsuch a good girl... made a big mess for daddy, hm?â he choked out, his whole body shuddering violently as he spilled his hot seed deep inside you, overloading your pulsing walls.
he reached your face, his fingers gently turning your chin toward him so he could force you to lock eyes with him while he finished coming inside you, his length twitching deep within your core. tears of pure exhaustion and pleasure prickled at the corners of your eyes, and you could only nod weakly against his hand.
chan leaned down, his lips meeting yours in a soft, slow, remarkably tender kiss that contrasted completely with how rough he had just been.
after spending some time quietly cleaning both of you up with some tissues, he crawled back under the comforter, pulling your back tightly against his chest. he wrapped his strong arms around you, pulling you into a protective embrace and whispering sweet, lazy nothings into your ear until the rhythm of his breathing slowed down, guiding you both back into a deep, heavy slumber.
a/n âź naughty channie alert !! currently working on making more detailed smuts soo stay tuned đ
đŻïž ć ćźčâ â â â explicit sexual content â« 18+ âžâž intended for mature audiences | minors do not interact ᯠestablished relationship, newlywed dynamics, suggestive content, emotional intimacy, domestic fluff, slice of life, honeymoon shenanigans, comfort, three different smut scenes woven throughout the story (too much is going on sorry) !
ELâS â· BUBBLE : world, be kind ! don't have much to say for this because i do like it . . this request right here, thank you so muchi (iâm sorry, i practically missed the whole gist of the request đ) > < anyways i miss jake so much i need him bad faaaah
"Guess who's Mr. and Mrs. now?!"
The voice bursts out of your MacBook speakers with a brightness that doesn't belong in a quiet hotel room at half past midnight, and it takes you a full three seconds to realize the voice is yours.Â
There you are on the screen, glowing and breathless and slightly blurry, holding the camera at arm's length with one hand while the other clutches a bouquet that's already started to wilt at the edges, and next to you is Jake, your Jake, grinning so wide it looks like his face might split in half, his tie loosened and his hair falling across his forehead in that effortlessly messy way it does after he's been running his hands through it for hours.Â
Behind you both, through the car windows, the city lights smear into long, streaking lines of gold and white, and faint but unmistakable, the opening chords of Heaven by Bryan Adams are playing from the car's speakers, filling the vehicle with that impossibly earnest, soaring melody that Jake had quietly added to the playlist three weeks ago and pretended he didn't know how it got there.
On screen, you shake the camera a little, bouncing in the passenger seat. "Say hi to the camera, husband."
Husband. The word lands on the recording like a sparkler going off, bright and crackling and slightly unbelievable, and Jake leans into the frame and presses a kiss to your cheek so hard your whole body tilts, and you shriek with laughter, and the camera wobbles, and the moment is chaos and joy and so perfectly, messily alive that watching it now, hours later, sitting cross-legged on this hotel bed with your wedding dress finally off and your makeup finally washed away and your hair finally free of the forty-seven pins that had been holding it up since this morning, you feel your eyes well up all over again.
Goodness gracious.
You were married.
You were actually, legally, irreversibly married to the man on that screen, the one who was currently in the bathroom brushing his teeth with his shirt half-buttoned and his suit jacket abandoned on the back of a chair, the one who had slipped a ring on your finger not eight hours ago and meant every word he said while doing it, the one who had been yours for years and was now yours in a way that was different, deeper, more permanent, more terrifying and wonderful than anything you'd ever known.
You pause the video. The frame freezes on both of you mid-laugh, your head thrown back, his arm around your shoulders, the city lights frozen behind you like a constellation that existed just for this moment. You stare at it for a long time, at the curve of his smile and the crinkle at the corners of his eyes and the way your hand is resting on his chest like it's the most natural thing in the world, and something enormous and warm and almost unbearable swells in your chest until you have to press your palm flat against your sternum like you can hold it in.
The MacBook sits on the hotel desk, cables connecting it to the camera your father had given you just a month before the wedding. He'd handed it to you over dinner at your parents' house, a small, neat box wrapped in silver paper, and when you'd opened it and seen the camera inside, a beautiful, top-of-the-line digital camera with a lens that cost more than your first car, you'd looked at him with confusion, because you already had a camera, a perfectly good one that you'd been using for years, and he'd cleared his throat and said, "It's for your last month as my little girl. I want you to document everything."
And you'd called him dramatic, because you'd always be his little girl even when you were married, even when you were eighty years old and gray and using a walker, and he'd gotten that look on his face, the one that meant he was trying very hard not to cry, and he'd said, "I know. But it's different now. Let me have this."
So you'd documented everything. The final dress fitting, the bridesmaids scrambling to get ready, the rehearsal dinner where Jake's best man had given a speech so funny and so touching that there wasn't a dry eye in the room. The morning of the wedding, your mother helping you into your dress with hands that shook slightly, your father standing in the doorway watching with an expression you'd never forget. Every moment, captured, preserved, locked into a memory card so that you could revisit it whenever you wanted, so that the day would never fade or blur or lose its shape.
You click through the import progress bar. Eighty-three videos. Five hundred and twelve photos. Each one a fragment of the most important day of your life, stacked neatly in a folder on your desktop like evidence that any of this had actually happened.
You click on the next video.
This one is from earlier in the evening, still at the reception, and the camera is propped up somewhere, maybe on a table, capturing the room from a slight distance. The dance floor is full, the members of Jake's group are doing something elaborate and slightly ridiculous that involves a lot of spinning and one near-collision with the cake table, and in the foreground, you and Jake are sitting at your table with your chairs angled toward each other, his hand on your knee, your hand on top of his, and you're not even watching the dancing. You're watching each other. He's saying something, leaning close, his lips near your ear, and whatever he's saying makes you press your face into his shoulder and laugh, and then he kisses your temple and pulls you closer and you stay like that, tucked against each other, the noise and the music and the celebration swirling around you while you exist in your own small, private orbit.
You remember what he'd said. He'd leaned in and whispered, "I can't believe I get to keep you forever," and it had hit you so suddenly and so completely that you'd laughed, not because it was funny but because your body didn't know what else to do with that much happiness, and you'd buried your face in his shoulder and felt his chest shake with silent laughter too, and for a moment, just a moment, the entire world had shrunk down to the warmth of him and the steadiness of his heartbeat and the unbelievable, unshakeable certainty that this was exactly where you were supposed to be.
The next video. The drive.
This one you'd already glimpsed, the one that had played when you first opened the folder, but now you watch it properly, letting it unspool from the beginning. Jake had handed you the keys after the reception, a playful little gesture, and you'd looked at him like he was insane because you'd been wearing heels for six hours and could barely walk let alone drive, and he'd laughed and taken the keys back and guided you to the passenger side with a hand on the small of your back, opening the door for you like he'd been doing all night, like he'd been doing for years, like he'd presumably keep doing for the rest of your life because that was just who he was.
The camera had been sitting on the dashboard, propped against the windshield, capturing the two of you in profile as the city moved past outside. You'd pressed play on the playlist before you even pulled out of the venue parking lot, and the first song that came on was Heaven, because of course it was, because Jake had queued it there on purpose and then feigned ignorance, and you'd both burst out laughing at the sheer audacity of it, the cheese of it, the perfection of it.
"Guess who's Mr. and Mrs. now?!" you'd shouted at the camera, and Jake had whooped from the driver's seat, one hand on the wheel and the other reaching for yours, and the joy was so big and so loud and so present that it felt like it might burst out of the car and fill the entire street.
"We're married," Jake had said, and his voice was full of wonder, like he was saying it to convince himself, like the reality was still settling in and every repetition made it more real. "We're actually married. You're my wife."
"I'm your wife," you'd repeated, and the word was new and strange and thrilling in your mouth, a shape your tongue wasn't used to forming but wanted to say over and over. "You're my husband."
"Your husband," he'd said, and he'd lifted your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles, right above the wedding band that was cool and new and still slightly foreign on your finger, and the gesture was so tender, so Jake, that your eyes had burned and you'd had to look out the window for a second and blink rapidly at the passing streetlights because you were not going to cry on your wedding night, you'd already cried approximately four hundred times today and that was enough.
At a red light, he'd turned to you fully, and his eyes were so soft, so warm, so full of something that looked like disbelief and gratitude and love all tangled together, and he'd said, "Hi, Mrs. Sim," and you'd said, "Hi, Mr. Sim," and then you'd both cracked up because it sounded absurd and wonderful and like the name of a couple in a sitcom, and he'd cupped your face in both hands and kissed you, slow and deep and tasting like champagne and cake and forever, and the car behind you had honked because the light had turned green, and you'd broken apart laughing and he'd stepped on the gas and his hand had found your thigh and stayed there for the rest of the drive.
You pause the video again.
His hand on your thigh. That was a constant, a fixture, as reliable as gravity. Jake had this thing where he always needed to be touching you when you were next to him, not in a possessive way, not in a controlling way, but in a grounding way, like he needed the contact to remind himself you were real, like the warmth of your skin under his palm was proof that this, all of this, wasn't a dream he was about to wake up from. A hand on your thigh while driving. An arm around your waist while walking. Fingers interlaced with yours across the center console. A palm pressed flat against the small of your back in crowded rooms. Always touching. Always near. Always there.
And you loved it. God, you loved it so much it made your chest hurt sometimes, the way he reached for you without thinking, the way his body oriented toward yours like a compass finding north, the way he made you feel like you were the most solid, most real, most important thing in whatever room you were standing in.
You close the video folder for a moment and lean back against the headboard, pulling your knees up to your chest, and let yourself think about the day. The whole day, from beginning to end, every overwhelming, overstimulating, joy-saturated second of it.
The wedding had been held at a garden venue just outside the city, a place with old stone walls and climbing roses and a lawn that stretched down to the edge of a lake that caught the late afternoon light and turned it into something out of a painting. Your families were there, all of them, your parents and your siblings and your aunts and uncles and cousins and the family friends you'd known since childhood. Jake's family had flown in from Australia, his parents and his older brother, and the way his mother had hugged you when she arrived, tight and long and with tears already streaming down her face, had made you realize that you weren't just gaining a husband today, you were gaining an entire family, and the thought was so enormous and so overwhelming that you'd had to sit down for a moment and breathe.
The members were there too, all of them, dressed in matching suits that they'd picked out together and immediately started complaining about the moment they put them on. They'd been your friends for years now, long before you and Jake started dating, and they'd watched the two of you circle each other with a kind of fond exasperation that only people who loved you both could manage, and when you'd finally gotten together, they'd reacted with a mixture of relief and vindication that was almost insulting in its unanimity. "Finally," one of them had said, and the others had nodded so vigorously you'd thought their heads might fall off.
The ceremony itself was a blur of emotion and light. You'd walked down the aisle on your father's arm, and he'd been fighting tears the entire way, and when he'd placed your hand in Jake's and stepped back, he'd given Jake a look that was part warning and part blessing and entirely love, and Jake had nodded once, a small, serious, certain nod that said I understand and I will and I promise, and your father had stepped back and sat down and you'd watched him press his palm over his eyes and knew he was crying.
The vows were where you'd lost it completely. Jake had written his himself, because of course he had, because Jake did everything with his whole heart or not at all, and he'd stood there in his suit with his voice shaking and his eyes bright and told you that you were the bravest person he'd ever known, that loving you had taught him what it meant to be brave in return, that he would spend every day for the rest of his life trying to be the man you saw when you looked at him. And you'd stood there with tears streaming down your face and your carefully prepared vows completely abandoned in favor of just talking, just saying whatever came out, because the words you'd written didn't feel big enough anymore, nothing felt big enough to contain what you felt for this man, and you'd told him he was your home, that wherever he was was where you belonged, that you'd choose him in every lifetime if you got the chance.
And then the officiant had said it. The words you'd been waiting to hear since the moment you met him, since the first time he smiled at you across a crowded room and the entire world rearranged itself around the axis of his face.
"By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife."
Jake had pulled you in before the officiant had even finished the sentence, before the last syllable had fully left his mouth, and you'd both been laughing, laughing through tears, laughing through the kiss, laughing like the joy was too big to contain and had to come out somewhere, and the sound of everyone cheering and clapping and crying was washing over you in waves but all you could hear was his breath against your lips and his voice, rough and wet and incredulous, saying "we did it, we actually did it," against your mouth.
The reception was a fever dream of dancing and toasting and crying and laughing and cake and champagne and moments that you'd never remember clearly but would never forget the feeling of. Jake's best man speech. Your maid of honor's speech. The members performing a surprise song that they'd written for you both, a sweet, silly, earnest ballad that had the entire room in tears by the second verse. Your first dance, Jake's hand warm and steady on your lower back, your cheek pressed against his shoulder, the two of you swaying in the center of the floor while everyone watched and you didn't care because the only person who existed in that moment was him.
And now here you were. Married. Sitting in a hotel room at half past midnight, watching yourself live the best day of your life on a laptop screen, feeling like your heart might actually burst from the sheer, impossible weight of being this happy.
The bathroom door opens, and Jake emerges in a cloud of steam, his hair damp from where he'd splashed water on his face, his suit shirt now fully unbuttoned and hanging open, revealing the lean lines of his chest and the soft skin of his stomach. He looks tired, genuinely tired, the kind of bone-deep exhaustion that comes from being on your feet for twelve hours straight while experiencing the most emotionally intense day of your life, but underneath the tiredness there's something else, something warm, glowing, and constant, and when he sees you sitting on the bed with the laptop, his face softens into an expression so fond that it makes your throat tighten.
"Watching the videos already?" he asks, crossing the room to sit beside you on the bed. The mattress dips under his weight and he leans into you automatically, his shoulder pressing against yours, his hand finding the curve of your waist like it's magnetic.
"I couldn't not," you admit. "Look at us."
He looks at the screen, at the frozen frame of the two of you in the car, mid-laugh, and his smile is so immediate and so genuine that it takes your breath away. "God. We look so happy."
"We are so happy."
"We are," he agrees, and he turns his head and kisses your shoulder through the thin fabric of the robe you'd thrown on after taking off your dress. "We really, really are."
You lean into him, resting your head against his, and for a moment you both just sit there, watching the frozen frame, breathing each other in.
"Jake?"
"Yeah?"
"I can't believe we're married."
He laughs, soft and quiet, and his arm tightens around you. "I know. I keep looking at your hand and seeing the ring and being like, that's real. That actually happened."
"It happened."
"It happened." He lifts your left hand and presses a kiss to your wedding band, and the gesture is so tender, so unconscious, that your eyes burn for the hundredth time today. "My wife."
"My husband."
"Mmm." He nuzzles into your neck, pressing a soft, warm kiss just below your ear. "I like the sound of that."
"Which one? Husband or wife?"
"Both. Either. All of it. You being mine and me being yours and this being forever." His voice is muffled against your skin, drowsy and content and so completely open that it makes something crack in your chest. "I've wanted this for so long. I kept thinking, during the ceremony, I kept thinking about how long I've wanted this and how I'd almost convinced myself it might not happen and then there you were, walking down the aisle, and I couldn't breathe."
"Jake..."
"I'm serious. I saw you and my whole chest just... kind of stopped. Everything stopped. I was like, that's her. That's the person I'm going to spend my entire life with. And I started crying before I even had a chance to stop myself and then the guys were making fun of me after but I didn't even care because you were walking toward me and you were the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and I knew, I just knew, that I was the luckiest person alive."
You turn your face into his hair and breathe him in, and your eyes are definitely burning now, definitely wet, and you don't even try to stop the tears because it's your wedding night and you're allowed to cry as much as you want.
"Do you remember the proposal?" you ask, your voice thick.
He pulls back just enough to look at you, and there's a knowing, slightly sheepish grin on his face. "The hiking one?"
"The hiking one."
"You're never going to let that go, are you?"
"Jake, you brought me hiking to a really tall mountain peak. A beach proposal would've been fine. A nice restaurant would've been fine. My living room would've been fine. Instead I had to climb a mountain in sneakers."
"I had to bring you closer to heaven to ask," he says, and the line is so earnest, so completely sincere, so utterly Jake that you can't even be annoyed about the three days of sore calves that followed. He says it like it's the most obvious logic in the world, like of course he'd haul you up a mountain at dawn because where else would you ask someone to spend eternity with you but as close to the sky as you could physically get.
"Damn you," you say, and your voice cracks. "Damn you for still knowing how to make me feel like a dumb teenager in love."
He pulls you into a hug. A real one, full-bodied, his arms wrapping around you and pulling you against his chest, and you bury your face in the curve of his neck and let yourself be held. His hand cradles the back of your head, his fingers tangling in your hair, and his chest is warm and solid and rising and falling with breaths that are slightly shakier than they were a moment ago, and you realize he's getting emotional too, that this is hitting him just as hard as it's hitting you, and the knowledge makes you hold on tighter.
"I love you," he says into your hair. "I love you so much. I'm going to love you for the rest of my life and that's still not enough time."
"It's enough," you whisper. "It's more than enough."
He pulls back and looks at you, and his eyes are red-rimmed and bright and so full of love that it's almost hard to look at directly, like staring at the sun, and he cups your face in his hands and wipes the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs, gentle, so gentle, like you're something precious and irreplaceable.
"Hey," he says softly.
"Hey."
"Let me help you get ready for bed, okay? You've been in this dress all day and your hair must be killing you."
It is. Your scalp is throbbing dully from the weight of the pins and the spray and the elaborate updo that had taken two hours to construct and had looked stunning but had felt like wearing a helmet made of bobby pins. Your dress is off, finally, you'd managed to wiggle out of it an hour ago with a lot of wriggling and a few choice words about the structural integrity of boning, but your hair is still up, still pinned, still holding on like it's afraid of what it might find when it comes down.
"Okay," you say.
He stands up and offers you his hand, and you take it, and he leads you to the vanity in the corner of the hotel room, settling you on the little stool and standing behind you. You watch him in the mirror as he starts to carefully, so carefully, remove the pins from your hair, one by one, setting each one on the counter with a soft little click. His brow is furrowed in concentration, his bottom lip caught between his teeth, and the tenderness of the image, your husband carefully undoing your hair on your wedding night, makes something in your chest swell until you feel like you might float.
"You're so good at this," you murmur.
"I've had practice," he says, pulling another pin free. "You fall asleep on my shoulder during movie nights and I have to undo your hair clips so they don't stab me."
"That's different. That's self-preservation."
"Maybe. But my methods are gentle either way." He pulls the last of the pins and your hair tumbles down in a dark, heavy wave, and he combs his fingers through it slowly, working out the tangles, and you close your eyes and let yourself feel it, the scratch of his fingernails against your scalp, the pull of the strands between his fingers, the way he's touching you like you're made of something fragile and valuable.
He moves to your jewelry next. The earrings first, tiny diamonds that had sparkled like stars against your neck all evening, and he sets them on the counter next to the pins. Then the necklace, a thin gold chain with a small pendant that he'd given you for your second anniversary, and his fingers are warm against the nape of your neck as he unclasps it, and you shiver.
"Cold?" he asks.
"No," you say honestly.
You feel his smile against your hair as he presses a kiss to the back of your head.
When the jewelry is all off and your hair is down and your face is bare and you're sitting in front of him in nothing but the robe, he steps back and you stand and turn to face him, and the look in his eyes shifts. Softens into something deeper, darker, more intent.
"Take off the robe," he says, and his voice is quiet, not a command but a request, gentle but with an undercurrent of something that makes your pulse quicken.
You undo the tie at your waist and let the robe slide off your shoulders, and it pools at your feet in a whisper of silk, and you're standing in front of him in the ivory lingerie set he'd bought for you. The one he'd surprised you with a week before the wedding, a small, elegant box left on your pillow with a note that said "for after," and when you'd opened it and seen the lace, the silk, and the delicate, ivory color that was so soft and so pretty and so deliberately chosen, you'd pressed your face into the note and laughed until you cried because even his gifts were thoughtful, even his surprises were considerate, even his lingerie was selected with the kind of care and attention that made you feel seen and wanted and loved.
The bra is delicate, sheer ivory lace that cups your breasts and barely conceals them, the nipples visible through the pattern of flowers and scrollwork. The underwear is matching, high-waisted and elegant, the same ivory lace, a small silk bow at the front that he'd definitely picked specifically because he knew it would make you smile. The set is beautiful, objectively, but it's the fact that he chose it, that he imagined you in it, that he went to a store or a website and picked this exact shade and this exact cut because he thought you'd look perfect in it, that makes you feel more beautiful than any piece of clothing ever has.
Jake looks at you.
For a long, charged moment, he just looks.
His eyes move over your body slowly, taking in the lace and the silk and the skin underneath, and his throat bobs as he swallows, and his hands, which had been steady and careful while removing your pins, are now gripping the back of the vanity chair hard enough that his knuckles are white.
"You're wearing it," he says, and his voice is rough.
"You bought it for me to wear," you say.
"I know, I justâ" He stops. Starts again. "God. You look... I can't even... you're so beautiful. You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my entire life and I'm going to say that every day for the rest of our lives and it's never going to be enough."
Heat pools between your thighs, slow and warm and insistent, and you watch his eyes darken as he looks at you, watch the way his chest rises and falls a little faster, watch the way his hands flex at his sides like he's fighting the urge to reach for you.
"Jake," you say softly.
"Yeah?"
"You already know what Iâm about to say."
âAnd that would beâŠ? What?â
âTouch me.â
A sheepish grin tugs at his lips, and he moves.
Two steps and his hands are on your waist and his mouth is on yours and the kiss is slow and deep and full of everything neither of you has words for. His lips are warm and familiar and they move against yours with a tenderness that makes your eyes sting, and his hands slide up your sides, his thumbs tracing the edge of the lace where it meets your skin, and you shiver and press closer and open your mouth against his.
He walks you backward, step by careful step, until the back of your knees hits the edge of the bed, and he lowers you down onto it with a gentleness that makes your heart ache, settling over you, his weight balanced on his forearms, his body a warm, solid line above yours. He kisses you again, softer now, his lips brushing your jaw, your cheekbone, the bridge of your nose, and then he pulls back and looks at you, and his eyes are so dark and so warm and so full of love and want that you feel seen in a way that goes beyond the physical, like he's looking at every version of you that has ever existed and loving all of them equally.
"Hi, wife," he whispers.
"Hi, husband," you whisper back, and the words are still new, still startling, still sending a little thrill through your chest every time you say them.
He kisses you again, deeper this time, his tongue sliding against yours, and his hands find the clasp of your bra and undo it with a practiced ease, peeling the lace away from your skin and tossing it somewhere in the direction of the floor. His palms find your breasts, warm and careful, and he cups them gently, his thumbs brushing over your nipples, and you gasp into his mouth and arch into his touch.
"Perfect," he murmurs against your lips. "You're so perfect. I've been thinking about this all day. Every time I looked at you during the ceremony, every time we danced, every time someone made a toast about us, I was thinking about getting you back here and getting my hands on you."
"Jakeâ"
"Is that bad?" He rolls your nipples between his fingers, gentle but firm, and the sparks of sensation shoot down your spine and pool hot and urgent between your legs. "Thinking about my wife like that during our wedding? Can't help it. You walked down that aisle and I was gone. I was a goner. I've been half-hard since you said I do."
You whimper, and the sound is small and needy and you'd be embarrassed if you had any capacity for embarrassment left, which you don't, not with him, not with Jake, who has seen every version of you and loved every single one.
"Look at you," he breathes, and he dips his head and drags his tongue across one nipple, slow and flat and wet, and your spine arches off the mattress like he's pulled a string attached to your back. "I've been dying to do this all night. You have no idea how hard it was to keep my hands off you during the reception. Every time you leaned over the table, every time you laughed and your dress shifted, I could see the outline of this set through the fabric and I almost lost my mind."
He takes your nipple into his mouth fully now, sucking with a slow, deliberate pressure that has your fingers tangling in his hair and pulling, and he groans against your breast, the vibration of it humming through your chest and settling deep in your belly. His other hand isn't idle â it's palming your other breast, kneading the soft flesh, rolling the nipple between his thumb and forefinger, pulling and tweaking and working you into a state of such acute sensitivity that every touch feels like it's being transmitted directly to the throbbing heat between your legs.
"Jake, pleaseâ" You don't even know what you're asking for. More. Everything. Him.
"Shh," he says against your skin, and he switches sides, his mouth finding your other breast, his tongue circling the areola before latching onto the nipple and sucking hard enough to make you cry out. "I'm getting there. Let me have this first. Let me worship you the way you deserve."
His hand slides down your stomach, fingertips tracing the silk bow at the front of your underwear, and he hooks his fingers under the waistband and tugs, just slightly, just enough for you to feel the pressure against your hip bones. "I picked this set because I knew the ivory would look insane against your skin. I was right. God, I was so right. You look like you were made for this. Made for me to take apart."
He kisses down your neck, your collarbone, the valley between your breasts, and his mouth is hot and wet and deliberate, each kiss placed with the same care he used when he was removing your hairpins, like he's cataloguing every inch of you, like he's mapping the territory of your body and memorizing it for future reference. His hands slide down your sides, hooking into the waistband of your underwear, and he looks up at you from between your breasts with a question in his eyes.
"Can I?"
"Yes. Fuck, yes."
He pulls them down slowly, dragging the lace down your thighs, over your knees, off your ankles, and then he settles back between your legs and looks at you, really looks at you, and the expression on his face is one you'll never forget. Reverent. Hungry. Overwhelmed. Like he can't quite believe that this is real, that you're real, that you're his.
"My wife," he says, and his voice is thick and rough and reverent. "All mine."
"All yours," you confirm, and your voice comes out breathier than intended.
He hooks your legs over his shoulders, one and then the other, and the position opens you up to him completely, vulnerably, and you feel the cool air against your slick, heated skin for barely a second before his mouth is on you.
The first touch of his tongue against your cunt tears a sound from your throat that you don't even recognize, something raw and broken and desperate. He licks a long, slow stripe from your entrance to your clit, and the heat of his mouth and the wetness of his tongue and the scratch of his slight stubble against your inner thighs is so much, almost too much, and your hands fly to his hair and grip hard.
"Jakeâoh my godâ"
He groans against you, and the vibration of it pulses through your core and makes your hips buck, and he presses his palms flat against your hips to hold you still and does it again, another long, slow lick, and then another, and another, each one deeper and more thorough than the last. His tongue circles your clit, then dips lower, pressing inside you, then drags back up, and the rhythm he sets is devastating, relentless, a slow and steady unraveling that has you trembling and gasping and saying his name like it's the only word you remember.
"Feel so good," he murmurs against you, and his voice is muffled and rough and the words vibrate against your sensitive flesh and make you jerk. "Taste so good, baby. My wife. My perfect wife. I could do this for hours."
"Pleaseâ"
"Please what? Use that pretty mouth."
"More. Please. Don't stop."
He doesn't stop. His tongue finds your clit again and circles it in tight, firm strokes, and two of his fingers slide inside you, curling upward, pressing against that spot that makes your vision blur, and the dual sensation of his mouth and his fingers working in tandem is so overwhelming that you feel the orgasm building already, a hot, coiling tension that's gathering speed and intensity with every passing second.
"You know what I kept thinking during the ceremony?" he says against your clit, and his lips brush the swollen bud as he speaks, and the graze of them is enough to make your thighs shake against his shoulders. "I kept thinking about how I was going to have you like this later. Spread out underneath me. Making these sounds. Being this wet for me. I wrote my vows with your taste still in my mouth from last night and I couldn't even concentrate because all I could think about was doing this to you on our wedding night."
"Jake, I'm close, I'mâ"
"Come for me," he says against your clit, and the words are filthy and reverent and the permission is all you need. The orgasm crashes through you in waves, your back arching off the bed, your thighs shaking against his shoulders, your walls clenching around his fingers, and he works you through it, his tongue and his fingers never stopping, drawing it out until you're oversensitive and trembling and pulling at his hair and gasping his name.
He doesn't pull away immediately. He stays between your legs, pressing soft, wet kisses to your inner thighs, to the crease where your thigh meets your hip, to the swollen, sensitive flesh that's still pulsing with the aftershocks. His fingers slide out of you slowly, and he drags them through your slick, feeling the mess he's made, and he looks up at you with his chin wet and his eyes black and his lips swollen, and he says, "I want to do that again. I want to live between your thighs. I want to fall asleep with my mouth on you and wake up the same way."
"You're too goddamn greedy."
"For you? Always." He presses one more kiss to your clit, feather-light, and you jolt from the overstimulation, and he grins, this crooked, devastating grin that makes your stomach flip even though you just came hard enough to see stars.
He crawls back up your body and kisses you, and you can taste yourself on his tongue, salty and sweet and obscene, and the intimacy of it, the rawness of it, makes you whimper against his lips. His bare chest is pressed against yours, skin to skin, and you can feel his heart hammering against your ribs, feel the heat radiating off him, feel the hard, insistent length of him pressing against your stomach through his unbuttoned shirt.
"I love you," he says, and his voice is rough and wrecked and so full of feeling. "I love you so much. I'm going to make you feel so good tonight. I'm going to make you feel so good for the rest of our lives."
"Jake, I need you inside me. Please."
"Not yet." He shakes his head, and there's a dangerous glint in his eyes, something playful and dark. "I'm not done with you. That was just the appetizer, baby. I've been waiting all day for this. I'm taking my time."
He sits back on his heels and looks down at you, sprawled out and flushed and trembling on the hotel sheets, and his gaze travels from your face to your breasts to the wet, glistening mess between your thighs, and he licks his lips, and the gesture is so unconscious and so filthy that you feel yourself clench around nothing.
"Look at you," he says, and his voice has dropped into that register that makes your stomach tighten and your breath catch. "My wife. All spread out for me. You're shaking. You came so hard and you're still shaking. I love that. I love knowing I can do that to you. That nobody else gets to see you like this. That you're mine."
"I'm yours," you whisper. "All yours. Only yours."
"Only mine." He reaches out and traces a fingertip down the center of your chest, between your breasts, down your stomach, and dips into your navel, and then lower, through the slick, wet mess of you, and he doesn't push inside, just trails his finger through it, feeling how wet you are, how ready, how desperate. "God, you're drenched. I made you this wet. I did this. I turned you into this trembling, soaking mess just with my mouth and my fingers."
"Jake, pleaseâ"
"Please what?" He circles your clit with the lightest possible pressure, and you buck up into his touch, chasing more, chasing him. "Use your words, lovely. Tell me what you need."
"You. Inside me. I need you inside me. Please."
"Since you asked so nicely." He reaches over to the nightstand, and you hear the rustle of a wrapper, and then he's settling between your legs again and you feel the head of his cock pressing against your entrance, and he pauses, looks down at you, and the look on his face is so open and so full of love that it steals your breath.
"Ready?" he asks softly.
"Ready."
He pushes in slowly, inch by inch, and the stretch of him fills you so completely that you both groan, his low and guttural, yours high and breathless. He stills when he's fully inside you, his forehead pressed against yours, his breath coming in short, sharp bursts against your lips, and you can feel him trembling, feel the effort it's taking him to hold still, to be gentle, to not just take.
"You feel so good," he whispers, and his voice cracks on the last word. "You feel so good, princess. I can'tâI'm not going to last long, I've been thinking about this all day, you have no ideaâ"
"It's okay," you say, and you wrap your legs around his waist and pull him closer. "I don't need you to last. I just need you."
He starts to move. Slow at first, deep and rolling, each thrust measured and deliberate, his body pressing into yours with a gentleness that makes your chest ache. His hands find yours, interlacing your fingers above your head, and he holds them there, pinned against the pillow, and the intimacy of it, the closeness of it, the way he's surrounding you and filling you and loving you all at once, is so much that you feel tears prickle at the corners of your eyes again.
"I can't believe you're mine," he says against your neck, his hips snapping forward a little harder, a little faster, and the shift makes you gasp. "I can't believe I get to have you forever. I can't believe you chose me."
"I'll always choose you," you whisper, and your voice breaks on it.
"Fuckâ" His rhythm stutters, his hips jerking, and you can tell he's close, you can feel it in the way his cock pulses inside you, in the way his breath comes faster and more ragged, in the way his hands grip yours so tight it almost hurts. "You feel too good, I can'tâI needâ"
"Go faster," you tell him. "Don't hold back. I want all of you."
And he does. He lets go. His hips snap forward with a force that drives the breath from your lungs, his pace turning from measured to desperate in the space of a single thrust, and the sound of it fills the room, skin against skin, wet and sharp and urgent, and his moans are broken and raw and so fucking hot that you feel another orgasm building already, the pressure coiling tight and hot in your stomach. He shifts your legs higher on his waist, changing the angle so that every thrust drags against that spot inside you, the one that makes your vision blur and your nails rake down his back and your mouth fall open in a sound that isn't even a word anymore, just pure, unfiltered sensation given voice. The headboard is knocking against the wall now and neither of you cares, let the entire hotel know, let the entire world know that Sim Jaeyun is making love to his wife on their wedding night and neither of them can think about anything else.
"God, you take me so well," he groans, and his voice is wrecked, barely above a whisper, his forehead pressed to yours, his breath hot and ragged against your lips. "You're so tight around me. I can feel you squeezing me. You're close again, aren't you? I can feel it."
"Yesâbabyâ"
"I want you to come on my cock," he says, and the words are a command and a plea and a prayer all wrapped into one breathless gasp. "I want to feel you fall apart around me. I want to feel you milk every drop out of me. Come on, baby. Give it to me."
"Close," he gasps, and his voice is wrecked, barely a voice at all, just breath and sound and need. "I'm close, I'mâare youâmmghâ"
"Close too. Keep going. Don't stop."
He doesn't stop. He drives into you harder, faster, his forehead pressed to yours, his breath hot and ragged against your lips, and you feel the orgasm cresting, feel the tension winding tighter and tighter until it snaps, and you come with his name on your lips, your walls clenching around him in pulsing waves, and he follows a second later with a sound that's almost a sob, his hips jerking erratically as he spills inside you, hot and deep and overwhelming.
Even after, he doesn't pull out immediately. He stays buried inside you, his cock twitching with the aftershocks, his hips making tiny, involuntary thrusts that make you both shudder and gasp each time, oversensitive and overwhelmed and incapable of stopping, and he kisses your face â your forehead, your eyelids, the bridge of your nose, the wet tracks on your cheeks that you hadn't even realized were there. His hands release yours and come up to cup your face, his thumbs brushing away the tears, and he's looking at you with an expression of such absolute, overwhelming wonder that you feel your chest crack open all over again.
"Hey," he says, and his voice is wrecked and raw and so full of love it's almost hard to hear. "Hey. I've got you. I'm right here."
"I know," you whisper. "I know you are."
He pulls out of you slowly, carefully, and you both wince at the sensitivity, and you feel the wetness of him leaking out of you, dripping onto the sheets, and the obscene intimacy of it makes you flush hot all over. He disappears into the bathroom for a moment and returns with a warm, damp towel. He sits on the edge of the bed and cleans you up with the same gentleness he used when he was removing your hairpins, the same care he used when he was unclasping your necklace, the same attention he gives to everything that involves you, and the tenderness of it makes your eyes sting because this is what your life is going to be now, this is what it means to be married to him, this quiet, steady, unwavering care that doesn't diminish with repetition or time or familiarity.
"Come on," he says, tossing the towel aside and offering you his hand. "Bath."
He leads you to the bathroom, and you'd drawn the bath earlier, the massive hotel tub filled with warm water and the complimentary bath salts that smelled like lavender, and he steps in first and then helps you in after him, and you settle between his legs with your back against his chest and the warm water lapping at your shoulders. His arms wrap around your middle, his chin hooks over your shoulder, and the two of you sit there in the steam and the quiet and the aftermath of everything, and it's so peaceful that you could fall asleep right here.
"Jake?"
"Hmm?"
"Can we do a virtual photobooth? On my laptop? I saw a filter earlier and I really want to take pictures with you."
He's quiet for a moment, and then he laughs, that full, warm, surprised laugh that you love more than any other sound in the world. "You want to take photobooth pictures right now? We're naked in a bathtub."
"So? The filter works on our faces. We'll angle it up. Please?"
"We look exhausted."
"We are exhausted. It'll be authentic."
He laughs again, and the way his chest shakes against your back makes the water ripple around you, and he presses a kiss to your shoulder. "Okay. Let's do it."
Twenty minutes later, you're both sitting on the bed in your bathrobes, your laptop propped on the desk, the photobooth app open, and you're scrolling through the results of your impromptu photoshoot and laughing so hard your stomach hurts. There's one where Jake is making an exaggeratedly serious face while you're mid-blink, one where you're both doing finger hearts with bedhead and smudged under-eyes, one where he's kissing your cheek and you're grinning so wide your eyes are barely visible, and one, your favorite, where you're both just looking at each other, foreheads almost touching, the exhaustion clear on your faces but underneath it, unmistakable, that warm, steady glow of two people who have never been more certain of anything in their lives.
"I look dead," Jake says, peering at the screen.
"You look beautiful," you correct him.
"I look like I haven't slept in three days."
"You look like a man who just married the love of his life. Same thing."
He grins, and it's lopsided and sleepy and so endearing that you reach out and cup his face and kiss him, just because you can, just because he's yours, just because the ring on your finger says so.
You save the best photo and send it to yourself, already thinking about making it your phone wallpaper, already thinking about printing it and framing it and keeping it on your nightstand for the rest of your life. Because that's what this is now. The rest of your life. And every boring, ordinary, exhausted moment of it is going to be extraordinary simply because he's in it.
Sleep comes fast and heavy after that. You crawl under the covers, and he pulls you against him, your back to his chest, his arm draped over your waist, his breath warm and slow against the back of your neck. The last thing you register before consciousness slips away is the weight of his arm and the steadiness of his heartbeat and the impossible, improbable, overwhelming fact that you are married, you are his wife, he is your husband, and tomorrow you're going to wake up and it's still going to be true.
You sleep for five and a half hours.
It's the alarm that does it, a chirping, insistent thing that you'd set the night before and immediately regretted, and Jake groans and buries his face in the pillow and mumbles something that sounds vaguely like "five more minutes" but might also be "I quit," and you laugh and shake his shoulder and tell him that your flight to Greece leaves in four hours and if he misses it you're going without him.
He sits up so fast he nearly headbutts you.
"Greece," he says, his eyes wide and sleep-rumpled. "Our honeymoon. Today. Right. Right?"
"Right."
"I'm up. I'm awake. I'mâ" He yawns so wide his jaw cracks. "I'm mostly awake."
You manage to get ready in record time, a whirlwind of packing and checking suitcases and arguing about whose toiletry bag is whose and whether you really need three pairs of sunglasses for a week-long trip and yes you do, Jake, because they go with different outfits, and he shakes his head but he's smiling, he's always smiling, and the giddy, electric energy of being newly married carries you through the exhaustion like caffeine.
At the airport, you check in at the business class counter, and the agent looks at your tickets and then at your faces and then at your hands, and her eyes land on the wedding bands and she smiles and says, "Congratulations," and Jake grins and says, "Thank you, we just got married yesterday," and the agent's face softens and she upgrades you to first class, and you nearly cry right there at the check-in counter because apparently this is what the rest of your life is going to be, people being kind to you because you're so obviously, radiantly happy that it's contagious.
In the first class lounge, Jake insists on taking a photo of you with your boarding pass, and then another one of you with your coffee, and then another one of you looking out the window at the planes, and you roll your eyes but you let him because you know by now that Jake documents things the way other people breathe, naturally and constantly and without thinking about it, and you also know that in approximately three days he's going to pull up these photos and show you one and say "look how pretty you look" and you're going to pretend to be annoyed but actually you're going to melt.
On the plane, you settle into your seats, wide and plush and more like armchairs than airplane seats, and Jake immediately reaches for your hand and interlaces your fingers and holds on, and the simple, constant gesture makes your chest warm. The cabin is quiet, the lights dimmed for the overnight flight, and the flight attendant brings you champagne because you're honeymooners and that apparently means free champagne everywhere you go, and you clink your mini glasses together and Jake says, "To us," and you say, "To forever," and you both drink and then make faces because neither of you actually likes champagne but it's the principle of the thing.
You lean your head on his shoulder and he leans his head on top of yours, and you're both so tired that the exhaustion is a physical weight on your limbs, and you close your eyes and feel the rumble of the engines through the seat and the warmth of his body against yours, and you're drifting off when you feel his lips against your ear.
"You know what I keep thinking about?" he murmurs, and his voice is low and quiet, meant only for you.
"What?"
"You in that ivory lingerie set."
Your eyes open.
"Jake."
"I'm just saying. I've been thinking about it since you took the robe off. The way the lace looked against your skin. The way your nipples showed through." His fingers trace idle patterns on the back of your hand, and his breath is warm and ticklish against your ear. "I'm going to buy you so many pretty things. I'm going to dress you up in lace and silk and take my time taking it all off."
"Jake, we're on a plane."
"I know. I'm not doing anything. I'm just telling you what I'm thinking about." His lips brush the shell of your ear, feather-light. "Is that a crime?"
"You're impossible."
"Impossible to resist?" He grins against your ear, and you can hear the mischief in it, the playful, teasing edge that he deploys like a weapon.
"Impossible to deal with," you correct, but you're pressing your thighs together under the blanket, and he notices because of course he notices, and you feel his hand slide under the blanket and rest on your thigh, warm and heavy and not moving, just resting there, a promise and a tease all at once.
"Go to sleep," he whispers. "I'll behave."
"You'd better."
"I will. For now."
The emphasis on the last two words follows you into your dreams.
You wake up somewhere over the Mediterranean, the plane beginning its descent, and you look out the window and see the sea below you, a blue so deep and so vivid and so impossible that it doesn't look real, and you elbow Jake awake and point and he rubs his eyes and stares and says, "That's where we're going to be for the next week," and you say, "I know," and he says, "I can't believe I get to spend a week in Greece with my wife," and there's that word again, wife, still new and thrilling and still sending a jolt through your chest every time he says it.
Santorini is everything you'd dreamed of and more.
You've wanted to come here for as long as you can remember, ever since you saw a photo of the white-washed buildings and the blue domes and the caldera stretching out toward the horizon like the edge of the world, and you'd mentioned it once, offhandedly, years ago, back when you and Jake had first started dating, and he'd filed it away somewhere in that meticulous, loving brain of his and pulled it out the moment you'd started talking about honeymoon destinations, because Jake is a sucker for you in every possible way, and if your dream destination is a Greek island with sunsets and hot tubs and wine, then that's where he's going to take you even if it means coordinating logistics across eight time zones and two international flights.
The hotel is perched on the edge of the caldera, a cluster of white buildings cascading down the cliffside, and your room is the one at the very bottom, the one with the private terrace and the outdoor jacuzzi and the view that makes you stop in the doorway and forget how to breathe because the sea stretches out below you like a painting, blue and gold and shimmering in the late afternoon light, and the sky is so vast and so clear that it feels like you could reach up and touch it.
Jake comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist and rests his chin on your shoulder, and you both stand there in the doorway of your honeymoon suite, looking out at the most beautiful view you've ever seen, and he says, "Worth the five-hour flight?" and you say, "Worth anything," and he kisses your neck and holds you tighter and the sun is warm on your faces and the sea is glittering and you're here, you're really here, you're in Santorini with your husband on your honeymoon, and the happiness is so big and so present that you feel like you might vibrate out of your skin.
The first afternoon dissolves into a lazy, sun-soaked haze. You unpack in fits and starts, distracted by the view and by each other and by the bottle of wine that was waiting on the nightstand with a handwritten note from the hotel staff congratulating the happy couple. You drink it on the terrace, your feet dangling over the edge, the caldera spread out beneath you like a love letter written in water and stone, and Jake takes approximately four hundred photos of you with the view, of you with your wine glass, of you with the sunset turning your skin golden, and he shows you each one and says, "Look how pretty," and you say, "You're biased," and he says, "I'm objective. You're the prettiest person on this island and I have the photos to prove it."
You explore the town in the evening, winding through narrow cobblestone streets lined with shops and cafes and jewelry stores, and you stop in a little boutique and try on a linen dress that flows like water and makes you feel like a Greek goddess, and Jake watches you spin in front of the mirror and his eyes go soft and dark and he says, "Buy it," and you say, "I don't need it," and he says, "I didn't say you needed it. I said buy it. I want to see you in it again." So you buy it, and he buys a matching linen shirt, and you take a selfie together in the shop mirror like the couple you are, the couple who wears matching clothes in Greece on their honeymoon, and you look at the photo afterward and think, we're those people now, and the thought fills you with a warm, sheepish delight.
You buy gifts for everyone you love. A hand-painted ceramic plate for your mother, a leather journal for your father, a set of olive oil soaps for your sister. A tiny blue evil eye charm for each of Jake's members, because you'd discussed it and agreed that matching keychains would be perfect, and you find a shop that sells them in a row of different colors and you pick one for each of the guys and the shop owner wraps them individually in tissue paper and you tuck them carefully into your bag. Jake buys a set of worry beads for his grandfather, a silk scarf for his mother, a bottle of local wine for his father, and you watch him deliberate over each choice with the same seriousness he brings to everything and you think, not for the first time and not for the last, that you married the most thoughtful person on the planet.
Dinner is at a restaurant perched on the edge of the cliff, a candle on the table, the stars coming out over the sea, and Jake reaches across the table and takes your hand and says, "I want to remember this forever," and you say, "That's what the camera is for," and he says, "The camera can't capture how I feel right now. Nothing can." And you lift your phone and take a photo of him anyway, candlelit and starry-eyed and so handsome it hurts, and he rolls his eyes but he's smiling, and later that night you look at the photo and think he's right, the camera can't capture it, but it can remind you, and that's almost as good.
That first night in Santorini, after dinner and wine and a long, meandering walk through the lit-up streets of the town, you find yourselves on the terrace of your room, the jacuzzi bubbling and steaming in the cool night air, the sea a vast, dark expanse below you, and Jake looks at you with that look, the one that says he's thinking about something specific and it involves significantly fewer clothes than you're currently wearing.
"Jacuzzi?" he asks.
"Jacuzzi," you agree.
You change into your swimsuit, a simple black two-piece that you'd bought specifically for this trip, and when you step onto the terrace, Jake is already in the water, leaning against the edge with his arms spread along the rim, and he looks up at you and his eyes darken and his jaw tightens and you watch him bite his lower lip, a quick, unconscious gesture that sends a sharp pulse of heat straight to your core.
Jake is obsessed with your body. This is not new information. He has been obsessed with your body since the day you met, in various ways and to varying degrees, but the obsession has always been there, simmering beneath the surface of every glance and every touch and every lingering look he thinks you don't notice. He loves your breasts, loves them, can't keep his hands off them, can't keep his eyes off them, is constantly finding excuses to touch them or look at them or rest his head against them like they're pillows designed specifically for him. And he loves your ass, too, loves it with a devotion that borders on religious, is always touching it when you walk, grabbing it when you bend over, pressing himself against it when you're standing in line somewhere, and in Greece, in the heat, in the swimsuits and the shorts and the thin linen dresses that cling to every curve, the obsession has dialed up to a level that is honestly flattering and slightly inconvenient.
Like right now, for instance. You're standing on the edge of the jacuzzi in a black bikini, and Jake is looking at you like you're the sunset and the sea and the stars all compressed into a single person, and his teeth are digging into his lower lip, and you can see the hunger in his eyes, the raw, unfiltered want, and the sight of it, the knowledge that you do this to him, that you make him look like that, makes you feel powerful and desired and so, so hot.
"Get in here," he says, and his voice is lower than it was a moment ago.
You step into the water, the warmth enveloping you, and you settle across from him, letting the jets pulse against your back, and the two of you sit there for a moment in the steam and the starlight, the only sounds the bubbling of the jacuzzi and the distant crash of the sea below. Then his foot finds yours under the water, a casual, deliberate touch, and his toes trace up your ankle, your calf, and you look at him and he's looking at you with that crooked, knowing smile, and you feel the heat building between your legs that has nothing to do with the temperature of the water.
"Come here," he says.
You cross the jacuzzi and settle in his lap, your knees on either side of his hips, your arms around his neck, and he pulls you close and kisses you, and the kiss starts soft but doesn't stay that way. His hands find your waist, your hips, the curve of your ass under the water, and he squeezes and pulls you closer and groans into your mouth, and you feel him hardening beneath you, his cock pressing up against you through his swim trunks, thick and insistent.
"Feel what you do to me," he murmurs against your lips. "One look at you in that bikini and I'm gone. I'm a mess. I've been a mess all day."
"You've been staring at my tits all day."
"Your tits have been out all day. That dress you wore to lunch? The white one? I could see everything. I was hard through the entire meal. I had to put my napkin in my lap."
A laugh escapes you, and you bury your face in his neck and feel his chest shake with silent laughter too, and then his hands slide up your sides and cup your breasts through the bikini top, and the laughter dissolves into a sharp intake of breath as his thumbs find your nipples through the fabric.
"Jakeâ"
"Let me touch you. Please. I need to touch you."
His hands make quick work of your bikini top, untying it and tossing it somewhere behind him, and his palms find your bare breasts and he cups them, weighs them, squeezes them gently and then not so gently, and his thumbs circle your nipples until they're tight and aching, and you're grinding down onto him without meaning to, chasing the friction, the pressure, the feeling of him hard and ready beneath you.
"You have the most perfect tits," he says, and his voice is reverent and hungry and almost angry about it, like it's a personal offense how much he likes them. "I think about them constantly. During interviews. During rehearsals. During literally any moment when I should be focusing on something else, my brain just goesâ" he squeezes again, harder, and you gasp "âright back to these. I'm not even exaggerating. It's a problem. I have a problem and I don't want to fix it."
"Babyâ"
"Let meâ" He doesn't finish the sentence. He leans in and takes one nipple into his mouth, hot and wet and relentless, and you gasp and grip his hair and arch into him. His tongue works the bud in tight, dizzying circles, then he sucks hard enough to make your spine curve, and you feel the sensation shoot straight down to your core, hot and electric and so intense that your thighs squeeze around his waist. His other hand isn't idle â it's on your other breast, rolling and pinching the nipple between his fingers, pulling and tweaking and working you into a state of such acute sensitivity that every touch feels amplified by a thousand.
"My wife," he breathes against your skin, switching to the other breast, his mouth hot and greedy. "My beautiful wife. I can't get enough of you. I'm never going to get enough of you."
His hand slides between your bodies, under the water, and his fingers find the waistband of your bikini bottoms and slip underneath, and his fingertips drag through your slick, swollen flesh, and the sound you make is somewhere between a gasp and a whimper and a plea. He circles your clit with a slow, deliberate pressure, and you rock against his hand, your body moving on instinct, chasing the pleasure, and his other hand is still on your breast, kneading, rolling your nipple, and the dual sensation is making you dizzy.
"You're so wet," he groans against your chest. "So wet for me. I've barely touched you and you're already this wet."
"It's been like this all day," you admit, and your voice is ragged. "Every time you looked at me. Every time you touched me. Every time you bit your lip."
"I know," he says, and there's a dark, satisfied edge to his voice. "I could tell. I can always tell. Your pupils get dilated and your breathing changes and you press your thighs together and I know exactly what it means because I'm the one who caused it."
His fingers slide inside you, two of them, and you clench around them and moan his name, and he groans in response, a low, guttural sound that vibrates through his chest and into yours. His fingers curl inside you, pressing against that spot, and his thumb finds your clit again, and he starts a rhythm that's steady and deep and absolutely devastating.
"Jake, I need you. I need your dickâfuck, please."
"Not yet." He shakes his head, and there's that dark, playful glint in his eyes again, the one that tells you he's going to drag this out as long as he can because he loves watching you squirm. "Let me make you come like this first. I want to feel you fall apart on my fingers before I fuck you. I want you so desperate that you can't even think straight."
"I'm alreadyâ" Your voice breaks as his fingers crook inside you, pressing hard against that spot, and your hips jerk involuntarily, water sloshing around you. "Jake, I'm alreadyâ"
"Not desperate enough. Not yet." He adds a third finger, and the stretch is delicious, the fullness just shy of too much, and he starts fucking you with them in earnest now, long, deep strokes that make you grip his shoulders and dig your nails into his skin. "I want you shaking. I want you begging. I want you so far gone that the only word left in your head is my name."
"You'reâahâyou're such aâ"
"Such a what?" He twists his fingers, and the new angle makes you see white. "Finish your sentence, baby."
"You're such a tease," you manage, and it comes out breathless and fractured and completely unconvincing.
"Am I?" He grins, and it's wicked, it's devastating, it's the smile of a man who knows exactly what he's doing to you and is enjoying every second of it. "Then tell me to stop. Tell me you don't want this and I'll stop right now."
"Don't you dare stop."
"Then I'm not a tease, am I?" His thumb presses hard against your clit and circles it in a slow, tight motion, and the combination of that with his fingers curling inside you, pressing that spot over and over, is enough to make your thighs clamp around his hand and your breath come in short, desperate pants. "I'm giving you exactly what you need. I'm making my wife feel good. There's nothing teasing about that."
The words, the raw, filthy honesty of them, push you closer to the edge, and you grind down onto his hand and feel the tension winding tighter and tighter, and his fingers are inside you and his thumb is on your clit and his mouth is on your breast and it's all too much, too much, too much, and the orgasm crashes through you in waves that make you tremble and gasp and say his name over and over like a prayer.
When you come down, he's looking at you with those dark, burning eyes, and his fingers are still inside you but still now, just resting, letting you feel the fullness as your walls pulse around him. He slides them out slowly, and you whimper at the loss, and he brings his hand up out of the water and licks his fingers clean with a slow, deliberate sweep of his tongue, and the sight of it makes your cunt clench around nothing.
"You taste like the sea," he says, and his voice is low and rough and fond. "Appropriate, given where we are."
"You're ridiculous."
"You're the one who just came in a jacuzzi in Santorini on your honeymoon. I think that makes you the ridiculous one."
"I hate your insufferable ass so much."
"No you don't." He grins, and it's so self-satisfied that you want to kiss it off his face, so you do, grabbing his jaw with both hands and kissing him hard, tasting yourself on his tongue, and he groans into your mouth and his hands grip your waist and pull you flush against him, and you can feel how hard he is through his swim trunks, the thick, hot length of him pressing against your core, and the kiss shifts from playful to desperate in the space of a single breath.
"Your turn," you murmur against his lips, and you reach between your bodies and wrap your hand around him through the fabric of his trunks, and his hips jerk up into your touch and he groans, low and guttural and desperate. "You've been so patient. Let me take care of you."
You tug at the waistband of his swim trunks, and he lifts his hips and you pull them down just far enough to free him, and his cock springs up, flushed and hard and leaking at the tip, and you wrap your hand around the base and squeeze, and the sound he makes â this broken, breathless, helpless thing â goes straight to your core and makes you throb even though you just came.
"God, your hand," he chokes out, and his head falls back against the edge of the jacuzzi, his throat exposed, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows. "I've been so hard for so long. You have no idea. You kept bending over in that dress today and I thought I was going to die."
"Poor baby," you say, and you start to stroke him, slow and tight, your grip firm as you slide your hand from base to tip and back again, spreading the wetness at the head down his length. "All that suffering. Let me make it better."
"Fuckâ" His hands grip the edge of the jacuzzi so hard his knuckles go white, and his hips are moving, tiny involuntary thrusts up into your fist, and you watch the pleasure move across his face like weather, the furrow between his brows, the way his lips part, the flush spreading down his neck and across his chest, and it's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, your husband falling apart in your hand.
"You know what I love?" you say, and you twist your hand on the upstroke, your thumb dragging across the sensitive ridge beneath the head, and his whole body shudders. "I love that I'm the only person who gets to see you like this. All those people who want you, who scream your name, who think they know what you look likeâugh, they have no idea. They've never seen you desperate. They've never heard these sounds. They've never felt you shake under their hands like this. This is just for me. Only me." You tighten your grip just slightly, twisting on the upstroke, and watch his abdominal muscles clench and his toes curl against the floor of the jacuzzi. "And I'm never sharing."
"Only you," he gasps, and his voice is wrecked, barely coherent. "Only ever you. I'm yours. Every part of me. All of itâahâall of it yours."
"Good." You tighten your grip and speed up, stroking him faster, harder, and his moans are getting louder, more fractured, his hips snapping up to meet your hand. "I want you to come for me, Jake. I want to feel you spill in my hand. Can you do that? Can you be good for me?"
"Yesâfuckâyes, I'mâ" He's trembling now, actually trembling, his thighs tensing under the water, his hands reaching for you and gripping your hip, your waist, anything he can hold onto. "I'm close, I'm so close, pleaseâ"
"Then come," you say, and you lean in and bite his earlobe, gentle but sharp, and that's all it takes. He comes with a broken moan of your name, his cock pulsing in your hand as he spills hot and thick over your fingers, his hips jerking erratically, his entire body taut and shaking, and you stroke him through it, slowing your hand as the aftershocks fade, milking every last drop out of him until he's gasping and oversensitive and pulling weakly at your wrist.
"Stop, stop, I can'tâ" He's laughing, breathless and overwhelmed, and you release him and bring your hand up and examine it with a theatricality that makes him laugh harder. "Don't you even think about stoppiâ"
You lick a stripe up your palm, tasting him, salt, skin, and something so unmistakably Jake â and his laughter cuts off abruptly, replaced by a groan so deep it sounds like it's being pulled from the soles of his feet. You hold his gaze as you do it, deliberate and slow, letting your tongue drag across your skin, and you watch his jaw go slack and his chest heave and his cock twitch against his stomach, already filling again, already hard, because apparently the sight of you tasting him is enough to override every recovery period his body has ever known. His eyes are black, pupils blown so wide there's barely any brown left, and he's looking at you with an expression that's equal parts disbelief and desperate, rekindled want.
"If I die, Iâm going to blame you," he says.
"Honestly, that sounds like a nice way to go." You grin, and you're about to say something else, something cheeky and self-satisfied, but then his hands are on your waist and he's lifting you and repositioning you, and you feel the hard, insistent press of him against your core â already half-hard again, already recovering, because Jake at twenty-something-years-old has the refractory period of a teenager and the stamina of a man who's been waiting his entire life for this.
"Get these off," you say, tugging at the waistband of his swim trunks, and he lifts his hips and you pull them down and his cock springs free, hard and flushed and thick, and you wrap your hand around him again and stroke him slowly, feeling him pulse in your palm, feeling the heat and the weight of him. You shift your position, settling over him, and you reach down and move your bikini bottoms to the side and guide him to your entrance, and you sink down onto him in one slow, devastating movement.
The sound he makes is wrecked. A broken, breathless moan that echoes off the terrace walls and dissolves into the night air, and his hands grip your hips so hard you know there'll be marks tomorrow, and his head falls back against the edge of the jacuzzi and his eyes squeeze shut and you watch the pleasure move across his face like weather, and it's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.
"Baby," he gasps, and the word is reverent, worshipful. "Oh my god, my wife. You feel so good. You're so tight. So warm. I'm not going to last, Iâ"
"Simply don't," you say, and you start to move, rolling your hips in slow, grinding circles, feeling him shift inside you, feeling every inch of the stretch and the fullness. "We have all week. Just feel it."
"Easy for you to say," he manages, and his voice is strangled, barely holding together. "You're not the one who's been on the edge for six hours. You're not the one whose wife has been parading around in a bikini all day looking like a goddamn Greek goddess. You're not the one who had to sit through dinner with a hard-on because you kept licking gelato off your spoon like thatâ"
"Like what?" You roll your hips deliberately, a slow, grinding circle that takes him to the hilt and holds, and his eyes roll back.
"Like you knew exactly what you were doing. Which you did. You absolutely did, don't evenâ" His breath hitches as you do it again. "Don't pretend you didn't know what you were doing to me."
"You like the bikini?"
"I'm going to buy you ten more. I'm going to buy you a bikini in every color. I'm going to make you try them all on for me like a private fashion show and then I'm going to take them off you one by oneâ"
"Jake." You roll your hips harder, grinding down onto him, taking him deeper, and his sentence dissolves into a moan that sounds like it's being pulled from somewhere deep in his chest. "Less talking. More feeling."
"I'm feeling," he gasps. "I'm feeling everything. I'm feeling you wrapped around me so tight I can barely think. I'm feeling how wet you are, how warm, how perfect. I'm feeling like the luckiest man alive because I get to be inside my wife on our honeymoon in Santorini andâfuckâand the stars are out and the water is warm and I never want this to end."
You lean down and kiss him, swallowing the rest of his words, and his hands slide up your sides, cupping your breasts again, his thumbs brushing your nipples, and he watches you ride him with an expression that's half awe and half desperation, like he can't believe this is real, like he's afraid to blink in case it disappears. The water laps around you, the steam rises into the cool night air, the stars are scattered across the sky like spilled diamonds, and you move together in the warm, bubbling water, your bodies finding a rhythm that's slow and deep and so full of feeling that it borders on overwhelming.
You change the angle, leaning back slightly and planting your hands on his thighs behind you, and the new position lets him see everything, the place where your bodies are joined, the slick, wet slide of him in and out of you, the way your tits move with every roll of your hips, and his eyes are glued to it, hungry and dark and so completely transfixed that you feel a surge of power so potent it makes you dizzy.
"You like watching?" you ask, and your voice comes out lower than you intended, rough with want.
"I like watching you," he says, and his hands grip your hips, guiding your movements, helping you set a pace that's faster now, more urgent. "I like watching my cock disappear inside you. I like watching you take me. I like knowing that nobody else gets to see this. Nobody else gets to have this. Just me."
"Just you," you confirm, and the words come out breathless, fractured, barely more than a moan. "Only you. Forever."
"Close," he chokes out, and his hips are jerking up into you now, his rhythm faltering, his hands gripping your waist. "I'm close, I'mâcan Iâ"
"Come inside me," you say, and the words are barely out of your mouth before he's pulling you down onto him one final time and burying himself deep and coming with a sound that's your name and a moan and something that might be I love you, all of it tangled together into a raw, broken, beautiful noise that you want to record and play back for the rest of your life.
You stay there for a long moment, him still inside you, the water lapping at your skin, the stars above you, and he wraps his arms around you and pulls you against his chest and presses a kiss to your wet shoulder.
"I can't believe you're mine," he whispers.
"I can't believe you're mine either," you whisper back.
"Good. Then we're even."
You laugh, and he laughs, and the sound of it carries out over the caldera and into the night, and somewhere below, the sea catches the moonlight and turns it into a road of silver stretching toward the horizon, and you think, this is my life now, this impossibly beautiful, impossibly lucky life, and you close your eyes and hold on tighter.
The days in Santorini pass in a haze of sunshine and wine and each other.
You sleep late and wake up tangled together, the Mediterranean light filtering through the curtains in warm, golden bars, and Jake presses kisses to your shoulder, your neck, your jaw, until you're blinking awake and turning into him and the morning dissolves into something slow and soft and unhurried. He brings you coffee on the terrace, strong and sweet the way you like it, and you sit with your feet up and the sea below and the nowhere you need to be, and the luxury of it, the rareness of having time and nothing to fill it with except each other, is almost too much to bear.
He takes photos of you constantly. Candid ones, when you're not looking. You ordering at a restaurant, squinting at the menu in the bright sunlight. You examining a row of postcards in a tiny shop, holding one up to the light. You taking a photo of the sunset with your phone, your profile silhouetted against the orange and pink sky. You looking at something in a market stall, your head tilted, your hair catching the breeze. He doesn't say anything when he takes them, just quietly lifts his phone or his camera and captures the moment, and you only discover them later, when he shows you the camera roll with that soft, proud smile and says, "Look how beautiful you are," and you look at the photo, at the way he sees you, through his eyes, and your throat tightens because the woman in these photos is radiant and happy and so clearly, unmistakably in love, and you realize that's how he sees you all the time, not just in these moments but always, and the knowledge is so big and so overwhelming that you have to kiss him just to keep from crying.
"You need a new profile picture," he says one afternoon, when you're sitting on a stone wall overlooking the caldera with gelato melting in your hands. "Let me take one."
"I don't needâ"
"You do. The one you have is from eight months ago. You've been a wife for four days now. You need an upgrade."
"A wife upgrade?"
"A profile picture upgrade. Come on. The light is perfect."
He positions you against the wall with the blue domes behind you and the sea beyond that, and he takes a dozen photos, adjusting your hair, tilting your chin, making you laugh until the shots are natural and bright and unposed, and when he shows you the best one, the one where you're mid-laugh with the sun in your hair and the Aegean behind you, you actually tear up a little because you look happy, you look so thoroughly, radiantly happy, and it's all because of him.
"See?" he says softly. "Told you. The most beautiful person on this island."
"You're ridiculous."
"You love it."
"I love you."
His face softens into something so tender that it makes your chest physically ache. "I love you too. So much."
You do all the couple things. All of them. You take matching photos in front of the blue domes, squished together with the wind in your hair, and Jake insists on doing a different pose for each one and you end up with a series that ranges from sweet to silly to borderline inappropriate. You find a photobooth in a tourist shop and squeeze inside and take a strip of photos, making increasingly ridiculous faces, and the last one is just you kissing, soft and real, and you cut it in half and each keep one in your phone cases. You buy the matching keychains for the members, small glass evil eyes in different colors, and Jake writes a little note for each one and you package them up in the hotel room and address them and set them aside to mail when you get home. You buy matching sandals from a shop near the harbor because you're a cliche and you don't care, and you wear them for the rest of the trip and take a photo of your feet side by side and Jake captions it "solemates" and you groan so loud the people at the next table turn to look.
He also stares at you. Constantly. In a way that is extremely distracting.
On the beach, when you're wearing a bikini top and a long maxi skirt, and you're applying sunscreen to your shoulders, and you look up and catch him staring at your chest with his bottom lip caught between his teeth, his eyes dark and hungry, and he looks away quickly when you catch him but not quickly enough, and the heat that floods your stomach has nothing to do with the sun.
At dinner, when you're wearing a dress that hugs your curves and you lean forward to reach for the wine, and his eyes drop to your cleavage and stay there for a beat too long, and when you straighten up he's adjusting himself under the table and pretending he's not.
On the terrace in the morning, when you step out in your underwear and a t-shirt, still sleep-soft and rumpled, and he looks up from his coffee and his entire body goes still and his jaw tightens and he says, very calmly, "You're trying to kill me," and you say, "I'm literally just getting coffee," and he says, "In that? With your legs out? And yourâ" he gestures vaguely at your entire body, "âeverything? It's an attempted murder is what it is."
You laugh every time. Every single time. Because Sim Jaeyun, idol, performer, man who has been photographed by professionals and screamed at by fans and trained to maintain composure in any situation, cannot keep it together when you're wearing a bikini and a skirt and the sun is hitting your skin, and the knowledge that you have that effect on him is the most heady, intoxicating thing in the world.
The second time it happens, the morning of your fourth day in Santorini, is softer than the first.
You wake up before he does, which is rare, and you lie there for a moment watching him sleep, the way his lashes fan against his cheekbones, the way his lips are slightly parted, the way his chest rises and falls with slow, even breaths, and the morning light is coming through the curtains in soft, golden slats and painting stripes across the bed and across his skin, and he looks so peaceful, so beautiful, so completely yours, that you feel the familiar swell in your chest, the too-muchness of loving someone this deeply, and you press a kiss to his bare shoulder because you can't not.
He stirs. A small, sleepy sound. His arm reaches for you, pulling you closer, and he buries his face in your neck and mumbles something unintelligible, and you card your fingers through his hair and feel him melt against you.
"Morning," you whisper.
"Mmm. Morning. What time is it?"
"Early. Go back to sleep."
"Don't want to." He presses a kiss to your collarbone, then another, then another, a slow, lazy trail up your neck, and his hand finds your waist under the sheet and pulls you flush against him, and you feel him, half-hard against your thigh, and a slow, warm pulse of desire settles between your legs. "Want you instead."
"You just woke up."
"I've been wanting you all night. It just carried over." He grins against your skin, and his hand slides from your waist to your hip, your thigh, and he grips the flesh there and squeezes, and you feel his cock harden fully against you. "Please?"
"You don't even have your eyes open."
"Don't need them. I know where everything is." His hand slides between your thighs, and his fingers brush against you through your underwear, and the touch is light and teasing and enough to make your breath catch. "Feel that? Already wet for me. You're always wet for me in the morning. I love it."
"Jakeâ"
"Shh. Let me. Let me make you feel good."
He shifts, pressing you onto your back, and he settles between your legs and looks down at you with heavy-lidded, sleep-soft eyes, and his hair is a disaster and there are pillow creases on his cheek and he's so beautiful it makes your chest hurt. He leans down and kisses you, slow and deep and tasting like sleep and morning and love, and his hands push your shirt up and pull your underwear down, and you lift your hips to help him, and the morning air hits your bare skin for just a moment before his warmth covers you again. His fingers find you immediately, two of them sliding inside with an ease that makes you blush because you are wet, you're soaking, and the slick sound of his fingers moving in and out of you fills the quiet morning air and makes you want to hide your face in the pillow.
"There it is," he murmurs, and his voice is rough with sleep, rough with satisfaction, and he curls his fingers inside you and you arch off the mattress with a gasp. "There's my girl. Always so ready for me. I just have to look at you and you turn into thisâthis pretty, dripping messâand you think I'm the obsessed one?"
"You are the obsessed one," you manage, and he laughs, and the sound is low and warm and so fond that it makes your chest ache even as his fingers are doing obscene things inside you.
"Guilty." He adds a third finger, and the stretch makes you whimper, and he swallows the sound with a kiss, his tongue sliding against yours in the same rhythm his fingers are fucking you, and the dual sensation is enough to make your head spin. His thumb finds your clit and circles it with a maddeningly light pressure, barely there, just enough to make you chase it, and you buck your hips up and he pulls away, and the loss makes you whine.
"Jakeâ"
"Patience." He grins down at you, and his eyes are dark and sleepy and so full of affection that it's almost hard to reconcile with the filth his fingers are currently doing. "I want to taste you first. I've been thinking about it all night. Dreaming about it, actually. I woke up with my mouth watering."
Before you can respond, he's kissing down your body, his lips trailing fire across your collarbone, between your breasts, down the soft plane of your stomach, and when he settles between your thighs and breathes against you, the warm air hitting your wet, swollen flesh, you nearly come apart from that alone.
"God, you smell incredible," he says, and his voice is muffled against your inner thigh, where he's pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses to the sensitive skin, his teeth grazing the softest part of you just enough to make your hips twitch. "I could eat you out for breakfast every day for the rest of my life and die happy. Forget the coffee. This is what I want to wake up to. You, spread out for me, still half-asleep, making those little soundsâI'd never need another meal."
"You'reâunhâyou're soâ"
"Say it. Tell me what I am."
"Impossible. Infuriating. The love of my life."
His laugh vibrates against your core, and then his mouth is on you, and every thought in your head evaporates like morning mist. He licks into you with a slow, thorough devotion that makes your thighs shake, his tongue flat and wide against your clit before narrowing into a point that circles and flicks and teases until you're writhing against the sheets, your hands fisted in his hair, your hips chasing his mouth. He hums against you, a low, satisfied sound that says he knows exactly what he's doing, and the vibration of it zips through your nervous system like electricity and settles in a molten pool at the base of your spine.
"You know what drives me crazy?" he says, pulling back just enough to speak, his lips brushing your clit with every word, and the graze is so light and so devastating that you can barely process what he's saying. "The sounds you make. These littleâ" he mimics the breathy whimper that just escaped you, and hearing it in his voice, rough and morning-low and so completely fond, makes you flush from head to toe "âI could record them and listen on repeat. I'd never listen to music again. I'd just listen to you falling apart for me over and over and it would be the only song I'd ever need."
"Jake, pleaseâ"
"Please what? Tell me. I want to hear you say it."
"Make me come. Please. I needâ"
"You need what? My mouth? My fingers? My cock?" He laps at you again, one long, slow, devastating stroke that has your back bowing off the bed. "You have to tell me, princess. Use your words."
"Your mouth. Your mouth, please, I needâ"
He doesn't make you ask again. He seals his lips around your clit and sucks, and the pressure is firm and rhythmic and so precisely calibrated to your body that you wonder sometimes if he has a map of you tattooed on the inside of his eyelids, and two fingers slide back inside you and curl against that spot, and the combination is lethal. It hits you fast and hard, the orgasm rolling through you in waves that make you cry out and clench around his fingers and grip his hair so tight he groans against you, and he works you through it with the same steady, devastating rhythm, not stopping until you're pushing at his head and gasping from the overstimulation.
He crawls back up your body with his chin wet and his eyes dark and that crooked, self-satisfied grin that makes you want to smack him and kiss him in equal measure. "Good morning," he says, and his voice is so casual, so conversational, like he didn't just rearrange your entire nervous system with his tongue.
"Good morning," you manage, and your voice is wrecked and your body is trembling and you feel like you've been turned inside out in the best possible way. "Get up here. I want you inside me."
He settles between your legs and you feel the head of his cock against your entrance, and he pushes in slowly, so slowly, and the stretch and the fullness and the tenderness of it makes you whimper against his lips. He's still for a moment, letting you adjust, letting you feel the fullness of him, the heat of him, the weight of him, and then he starts to move.
"Feel so good," he murmurs, and his voice is rough with sleep and rough with want, and his hips roll into yours in a slow, lazy rhythm that feels more like breathing than fucking, like your bodies have found a pace that they can sustain forever, unhurried and deep and so full of feeling that it makes your eyes sting. "My wife. My perfect, beautiful wife. I love being inside you. I love being close to you. I love you so much it hurts."
"I love you more," you whisper, and you wrap your arms around him and pull him closer, and his face is pressed into your neck and his breath is warm and ragged against your skin, and his hips are moving faster now, a little harder, a little more desperate, and the shift from gentle to rough happens in degrees, each thrust a little deeper than the last, each breath a little more ragged.
"You know what I love about missionary?" he says, and his voice is a low, rough rumble against your ear, and the question is so unexpected, so absurd, that you almost laugh. "I love that I can see your face. I love that I can watch every single thing you're feeling. I love that when you come, I get to see it happen right in front of me, these beautiful expressions that nobody else will ever get to witness." He rolls his hips deep, grinding against your clit on the downstroke, and your eyes flutter shut. "No, don't close your eyes. Look at me. I want to see you."
You force your eyes open, and his face is inches from yours, so close that his breath is your breath, and his eyes are so dark and so full of love and want and reverence that looking at them feels like staring into the sun. He's moving faster now, his thrusts deeper, more deliberate, and each one punches a small, helpless sound out of your throat that he catches with his mouth, kissing you between gasps, swallowing your moans and feeding you his.
"I'm close," you whisper, and your voice breaks on it.
"I know. I can feel you squeezing me." He shifts his angle slightly, and the new position means he's hitting that spot with every thrust, and the pleasure is building so fast and so intense that you can barely think. "Come for me. Come on my cock. Let me feel you."
The orgasm crashes through you like a wave breaking, your walls clenching around him, your back arching off the mattress, his name tearing from your lips, and he watches you, he watches, just like he said he would, his eyes on your face, drinking in every expression, every gasp, every flutter of your eyelids, and you feel him follow you over the edge a moment later, his rhythm turning erratic and desperate as he spills inside you with a groan that's half your name and half something broken and wordless.
He stays inside you, still half-hard, his forehead pressed to yours, both of you breathing hard, and the morning light is painting gold across your tangled bodies and the crumpled sheets, and he presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth, your cheek, your eyelid, and murmurs, "Good morning for real this time."
You laugh, soft and breathless, and card your fingers through his disaster of hair. "The best morning."
He pulls back suddenly, and before you can question it, he's rolling you over, guiding you onto your hands and knees, and his hands are on your hips, steadying you, positioning you exactly how he wants you, and the casual authority of it, the way he handles your body like he knows every inch of it, makes a fresh pulse of wetness slick between your thighs. You feel the head of his cock, still hard, still ready, because Jake at this age has the recovery time of someone who's been waiting their whole life for a week of unlimited access to you, pressing against your entrance from behind, and he runs the tip through your slick, teasing, just once, before he pushes in.
"Again?" you ask, and your voice is breathless with disbelief and want.
"Again," he confirms, and he pushes in with one smooth, deep thrust that punches a gasp out of your lungs. The new angle is deeper, different, hitting a spot inside you that makes your arms shake and your moans go higher and needier, and his hands grip your hips, his fingers digging into the soft flesh hard enough to leave marks that you'll find later in the shower and press your fingertips to with a smile so wide it hurts. He doesn't start slow this time; he sets a pace from the first thrust that's hard and fast and relentless, like he's been waiting for this, like the first round was just the warm-up and now he's taking what he really wants, and the sound of it, the wet slap of his hips against your ass, fills the room along with your moans and his grunts and the creak of the bed frame.
"God, you feel so good like this," he groans, and his voice is wrecked, barely holding together. "Your assâI can see everythingâthe way you take meâfuckâyou're so perfectâI'm obsessed with you, you know that? I'm completely obsessed with every part of youâ"
"Jakeâharderâpleaseâ"
He obliges, his hips snapping forward with a force that makes the bed creak, and his hand comes around to your front, finding your clit, circling it in tight, firm movements, and the dual sensation of him inside you and his fingers on you is too much, it's all too much, and you feel the orgasm building fast and hard and unstoppable.
He reaches up with his other hand and gathers your hair to one side, exposing the back of your neck, and presses a hot, open-mouthed kiss there that sends a shiver cascading down your entire spine, and the combination of his mouth on your neck and his cock hitting deep and his fingers working your clit is so overwhelming that your elbows buckle and your chest drops to the mattress, and the new angle lets him sink impossibly deeper, and you hear him curse behind you, low and fractured and reverent, like he can't believe how good you feel.
"You know what I think about when I'm on stage?" he says, and his voice is low and rough and right against your ear, his chest pressed against your back, his breath hot on your neck. "I think about this. I think about being inside you. I think about the way you sound and the way you feel and the way you look when you come. Every single performance, there's a moment where I'm singing and I'm thinking about you and I have to focus so hard on the choreography because otherwise I'm going to get hard on stage and that would be a scandal."
"Jakeââ
"I'm serious. You have no idea. Every time I do that move in Bite Me, I'm thinking about fucking you. Every time. Every single performance. I've conditioned myself to associate it with the way you clench around me when you come and it's a miracle I haven't embarrassed myself live."
The filth of it, the raw, unfiltered honesty, the image of him on stage thinking about this, about you, about the way your body responds to him, it pushes you right over the edge, and the orgasm tears through you so hard and so fast that your arms give out and your face drops into the pillow and you're moaning his name into the fabric, your walls clenching around him in pulsing waves, and he follows a moment later, his hips jerking erratically, his hands gripping you so tight, his moan of your name dissolving into something raw and broken and so full of love that it makes your eyes sting even through the pleasure.
He collapses beside you, pulling you into him, and you both lie there in the warm morning light, breathless and trembling and so thoroughly, completely happy that words feel inadequate. He presses kisses to your shoulder, your temple, your hair, and you can feel his heartbeat against your back, still racing, still catching up, and his arm tightens around your waist like he's afraid you might disappear.
"Best morning of my life," he murmurs.
"You said that yesterday."
"It's still true. I'm going to say it every morning for the rest of our lives."
"That's a lot of mornings."
"Good. I hope there's a lot of them. I hope there's an infinite number of them and I get to spend every single one with you."
You turn in his arms and kiss him, soft and slow and tasting like forever, and the morning stretches out around you, golden and warm and completely, impossibly full.
"I'm hungry," he announces after a long, lazy moment, his voice muffled against your hair.
"Me too."
"Room service or each other?"
"Jake."
"I'm just saying. Both are valid options." He grins, and it's so boyish and so endearing that you want to bite his face, so you do, leaning in and sinking your teeth gently into his jaw, and he yelps and laughs and rolls you over and pins you to the mattress and kisses you until you're both breathless and giggling and thoroughly, completely, absurdly happy.
You order room service eventually. Greek yogurt with honey and fresh fruit and strong coffee, and you eat it on the terrace in your robes with the sea glittering below you and the sun warm on your faces, and Jake feeds you a strawberry and you feed him a bite of yogurt and it's so domestic and so sweet and so newlywed-coded that you should be embarrassed but you're not, not even a little, because this is your life now, this slow, sweet, ordinary magic of being married to your best friend, and every cliche in the book applies to you and you wear every single one of them like a badge of honor.
The rest of the honeymoon passes in a blur of blue water and white buildings and sun-warmed skin. You take a boat tour of the caldera and Jake gets sunburned on his nose and you take a photo and send it to the group chat and the members respond with approximately seventeen crying-laughing emojis. You try Greek coffee and hate it and Jake loves it and you argue about it for the rest of the day. You buy a painting from a street artist that captures the exact color of the sunset on your first night and you know you're going to hang it in your living room and think about this moment every time you look at it. You dance on the terrace to music playing from Jake's phone, slow-dancing in bare feet with the sea below and the stars above, and he dips you dramatically and you shriek with laughter and he kisses you while you're still upside down and the photo he takes afterward, the two of you disheveled and grinning and so clearly, absurdly in love, becomes your new wallpaper.
On the last night, you sit on the terrace with your feet in the cooling water of the jacuzzi, and Jake is beside you with his arm around your shoulders, and the sunset is painting the sky in shades of orange and pink and gold that look so unreal they might be a filter, and he says, "I don't want to leave," and you say, "Me neither," and he says, "We'll come back. Every year. Anniversary trip. I don't care if we're eighty. I'll carry you up the hill if I have to."
"You'd break your hip."
"Worth it."
You lean into him and watch the sun sink below the horizon and feel the warmth of his body against yours and the weight of the ring on your finger and the fullness of your heart, and you think about the past week, about the lazy mornings and the sunlit afternoons and the starry nights, about the way he looks at you like you're the only person in the world, about the way his hand finds yours without looking, about the way he says "my wife" like it's the most precious phrase in any language, and you think, I am the luckiest person alive, and you mean it with every cell in your body.
On the flight home, you fall asleep on his shoulder within the first hour, and he takes a photo of you sleeping and sets it as his lock screen and doesn't tell you until you're in the car on the way home from the airport and you see it when his phone lights up with a message, and you smack his arm and he laughs and says, "What? You look cute. Peaceful. Mine."
"Jake."
"What? You are mine. Legally. Binding contract. Can't take it back now."
"I wouldn't want to take it back."
His smile softens, and he reaches for your hand and interlaces your fingers and brings them to his lips and kisses your knuckles, right above the ring, and the gesture is so tender and so unconscious and so completely him that you have to look out the window and blink rapidly because you are not going to cry in the back of a taxi, you've cried enough in the past week to fill an ocean, but the tears come anyway because this is your life, this impossibly, overwhelmingly, heartbreakingly beautiful life, and you get to live it with him.
Two days after you get back from Greece, you're sitting on the couch in your apartment, still in the post-honeymoon haze where everything feels slightly unreal and slightly too good to be true, when Jake sits down next to you with his phone in his hand and a look on his face that you recognize as the one he gets when he's about to do something sappy and he knows you're going to give him a hard time about it.
"What?" you ask.
"I want to post something," he says. "About the wedding."
"Okay."
"It's a video. Of the ceremony. When they announced us. And us, you know, being us about it."
"Being us?"
"Laughing and crying and kissing. The whole embarrassing thing."
You smile. "That's my favorite part."
"Mine too. I've watched it like forty times. I'm not exaggerating. My screen time is concerning."
"So post it."
"I want it to be a collab. So it shows on both our accounts." He looks at you, and there's something vulnerable in his expression, something like he's asking for permission, like sharing this moment with the world is a big deal and he wants to make sure you're okay with it. "Is that okay?"
You think about it for a moment. About the fans who have been supportive since the beginning, who'd celebrated your engagement and your wedding with a warmth and a sincerity that had surprised you both. About the friends and family who were there, who lived it, who would love to see it preserved and shared. About the fact that your relationship has never been hidden or scandalous or something to be ashamed of, that it's been out in the open from the start, that the world has watched you fall in love and stay in love and now they get to watch you take this next step.
"Yeah," you say. "It's okay. More than okay. I want people to see it."
He smiles, and the relief and the happiness on his face are so genuine that you have to kiss him, so you do, and he laughs against your lips and says, "Okay, okay, let me post it first, then you can kiss me as much as you want."
He opens Instagram, starts a new post, selects the video. You watch over his shoulder as he trims it, cutting it to the most essential part: the officiant's voice saying "I now pronounce you husband and wife," and then the moment after, the two of you laughing through tears as he pulls you in for a kiss, the raw, unfiltered, overwhelming joy of it captured in fifteen seconds of video that somehow contains the entire universe.
He types the caption.
It was simple. The date and a heart. Simple. Corny. Absolutely perfect.
He adds you as a collaborator, and you watch your name appear next to his in the post settings, and the sight of it, your handles side by side, sharing this moment, makes your chest feel too small for your heart.
"Ready?" he asks.
"Ready."
He hits post.
Within seconds, the notifications start. A trickle at first, then a flood, then a tidal wave of likes and comments and shares that makes both your phones vibrate so hard they nearly vibrate off the coffee table. Comments in Korean and English and Japanese and languages you can't read, all of them variations of the same thing: congratulations, I'm crying, this is so beautiful, you guys deserve all the happiness, MY PARENTS, the screaming crying throwing up emojis, the heart emojis, the ring emojis.
Jake reads them out loud in a running commentary, his voice getting softer and softer as he goes, and when he gets to one that says "I've been following you guys since the beginning and I'm so happy for you," he goes quiet, and you look over and his eyes are bright and wet, and he clears his throat and says, "I'm not crying, you're crying," and you say, "We're both crying," and he laughs, and it comes out thick and wet, and you take the phone out of his hand and set it on the cushion and pull him into your arms and hold him while the notifications keep coming, a constant, warm stream of love from people who have watched your story unfold and are so genuinely, generously happy for the next chapter.
The video plays on a loop in the corner of the screen. The officiant's voice. Your laughter. His tears. The kiss that sealed everything. And underneath it, the date and the heart, the simplest, truest, most Jake caption there could ever be, because what else is there to say about the day your life changed forever except the date it happened and a heart to represent everything that came after.
You hold him on the couch and he holds you back, and the sun sets through the window in a wash of amber and rose that reminds you of Santorini, and you think about the mountain where he proposed and the garden where you married and the island where you loved each other in every way a person can be loved, and you think about the ring on your finger and the man in your arms and the life stretching out in front of you, vast and unknown and so full of possibility that it takes your breath away, and you know, with a certainty that lives deeper than thought, deeper than language, deeper than bone, that you will love him through every single moment of it, and he will love you back, and that will be enough.Â
It will be more than enough.Â
It will be everything.
âïž â.àłàż*:
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đż àż . . heaven by bryan adams
â· NOTE : thank you all so, so much for reading ! i hope you enjoyed this little world for a while ⥠all of this is purely a work of fiction & doesnât reflect reality at all . . likes, reblogs, and feedback are deeply cherished and very, very appreciated on here !
ă°êŻÛÛÛŁŰă°êŻŰŰ đŠarnings: MDNI, unprotected p in v (don't do this to urself), drunk sex, manipulative behavior, clit play, squirting, light boob play, finger sucking, overstimulation, overwhelming sex, creampie, cunnilingus, dirty talk, praise kink,rough sex, lots of marking (fr), somnophilia, constant petting, hypersexual!jungwon.
đĄina's note: im almost finished with the ot7 enha AUs yeei, TYSMM 4 THE 700 FOLLOWERS, love y'all, it motivates me so much, like or reblog if you liked it and leave a comment (i love reading yallâč3)
æ»æž ćäč柶 check my ::â â Ű â ââ đasterlist đome
The lamp on your nightstand cast a warm, half-orange glow across the room, the kind of light that made everything feel softer and sleepier than it actually was.
You were sprawled on your stomach, knees bent, feet kicking lazily in the air while your highlighter scratched across the pages of your notebook.
Music played low through your earbuds, another practice test. another set of formulas you kept rereading because your brain refused to focus.
It was 9:57 p.m.
You hadn't heard from Jungwon since he texted at eight saying he'd just clocked out.
No "on my way", no meme, no nothing.
Not that it surprised you. he did this sometimesâdisappeared into his own world after work, especially on nights when the shift ran long.
A sharp buzz cut through the music.
You paused, pulling one earbud out. the doorbell rang again, impatient.
You sighed, rolling off the bed and tugging down the hem of your oversized sleep shirt.
The pajama shorts rode up your thighs as you slid your feet into fuzzy slippers. "coming" you muttered to yourself, already knowing who it was.
When you opened the door, Jungwon was leaning against the frame like he belonged there.
Gray sweatpants hung low on his hips, black t-shirt slightly damp at the collar from his possible shower. his cheeks were flushed, the tips of his ears redder than usual.
That familiar sweet-sharp scent of alcohol hit you before he even moved.
He smiledâslow, a little crooked, the one that always made your stomach flip even when you were pissed.
"Hi, baby" he said, voice low and warm, already stepping inside without waiting for an invitation.
His hand came up gently, palms cupping your cheeks like you were something delicate.
Before you could say anything, he tilted your face up and kissed you. not soft. not careful. the kind of kiss that tasted like decisions he'd made without you.
His body pressed forward, guiding you back until your shoulders met the wall with a quiet thud. one of his hands slid down to your waist, fingers slipping under the hem of your shirt just enough to brush warm skin.
You turned your head, breaking the kiss with a small push against his chest.
"Jungwon⊠you reek of alcohol" you complained, wrinkling your nose. the sharp, fruity alcohol clung to him even after the shower. "how much did you drink?"
He let out a soft laugh, forehead resting against yours. he didn't pull back. his breath fanned across your lips, warm and sweet.
"Not that much" he murmured. "just enough."
You slipped out from between him and the wall, closing the front door behind him with a click.
The apartment felt smaller with him in itâhis presence always did that. you crossed your arms, leaning against the back of your couch.
"I thought you said you were tired after work. that you were just gonna go home and crash."
"I was." he shrugged, kicking off his shoes by the door. his eyes never left you. "then i started thinking about you. and once i start, i can't really stop."
He moved closer again, no concept of personal space tonight.
His fingers found the edge of your shorts, tracing the fabric like it was distracting him. you could see the glaze in his eyes, that hazy focus he got whenever the drinks hit just right.
He always got like thisâneedy, single-minded, like the entire world narrowed down to whatever part of you he could touch.
"Won, we talked about this" you said, voice quieter now. there was frustration there, but it was already mixing with something warmer, something that made you hate yourself a little. "i told you it bothers me when you show up like this. you said you'd slow down."
He hummed, not really agreeing or disagreeing.
Instead he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind when you tried to step away, chin hooking over your shoulder. his chest pressed against your back, solid and still radiating shower heat.
"I know" he whispered against your neck. "and i'm sorry. my phone died on the way here anyway. couldn't even text you i was coming."
His lips brushed your skinâlight, almost innocent, except for the way his hand slowly slid up your stomach under your shirt. "missed you too much tonight. work was fucking long. all i kept thinking about was coming here⊠seeing you like this."
You exhaled sharply, trying to ignore how good his voice sounded when it dropped like that. "that's not fair. you can't just ignore what i say because you're drunk and horny."
"I'm not drunk" he protested softly, but the way he nuzzled into your neck said otherwise. "just⊠had a couple. enough to know i needed to see my girl."
His fingers traced lazy circles on your skin, suggestive but not demanding. not yet. "you're studying late again?"
You nodded, glancing toward your bedroom door. the orange lamp was still glowing in there like a beacon. "yeah. practice tests. i've got that big entrance exam coming up."
He made a sympathetic noise, but you could tell half his brain wasn't really listening.
The other half was busy pressing closer, hips shifting against you in a way that felt too intentional. his grip tightened just a fraction.
"You work so hard" he murmured. "proud of you. come here."
He turned you in his arms again, backing you gently toward the couch.
You let himâbecause saying no to Jungwon when he was like this was harder than it should've been.
He dropped down first, pulling you into his lap like it was the most natural thing in the world. his hands settled on your thighs, thumbs stroking the bare skin just under the hem of your shorts.
"Jungwon" you started, trying to keep your tone steady. "i'm serious. this thing with you drinking after work⊠it's getting old. i worry about you. and then you show up like this and it feels like you don't even hear me.â
He looked up at you, dark eyes softer now, almost pleading in that cat-like way he had. one hand came up to tuck your hair behind your ear.
"I do hear you" he said quietly. "i'm trying, baby. today was just⊠rough. needed something to take the edge off. but i'm here now. with you. that's what matters, right?"
You wanted to argue. you wanted to push him off and tell him that no, that wasn't what matteredâthat his habit was starting to scare you a little, that the smell of beer on his breath made your chest tight.
But he was looking at you like you were the only thing that existed tonight. his fingers kept moving, slow and soothing on your thighs, and his other hand rested possessively at the small of your back.
"You're annoying" you muttered, but there was no real heat left in it.
He grinned, that playful, slightly tipsy smile breaking through. "yeah? still letting me stay though."
You rolled your eyes, but your hands had already found his shoulders, fingers curling into the soft fabric of his shirt.
He smelled like beer and his usual clean soap, a stupidly intoxicating mix. when he leaned in again, slower this time, you didn't stop him.
The kiss was deeper, lazier. his tongue brushed yours and you tasted the faint sweetness of the alcohol he'd had. it should've turned you off.
It didn't.
When he pulled back, his lips were shiny, breathing a little heavier.
"Missed this" he whispered. "missed you all fucking day."
You sat there in his lap, heart beating too fast, part of you was still annoyedâreally annoyedâthat he'd done it again.
That he'd brushed off your concerns with that soft voice and those gentle hands like he always did. but another, louder part was already melting into him, letting his warmth chase away the lonely quiet of your apartment.
"Stay the night?" he asked, voice low against your ear. his fingers slipped just a little higher on your thighs, teasing the line where skin met fabric.
Not pushing, just⊠reminding you he was here. solid. needy. yours.
You sighed, pressing your forehead to his.
"Yeah" you said finally. "but we're talking about this tomorrow. for real."
"Mhm" he hummed, already kissing the corner of your mouth. "tomorrow."
You knew he probably wouldn't bring it up first.
He never did.
But right now, with his hands on you and his attention wrapped completely around you like this, it was hard to care as much as you should.
You stayed in his lap for a long minute, the weight of his hands on your thighs keeping you anchored.
The beer on his breath mixed with the scent of his skin, was annoyingly comforting.
Eventually you shifted, pressing your palms to his chest to create a little space.
"You want something to eat?" you asked, voice still soft. "i have ramyeon or i can make you toast or something. you probably haven't eaten since work."
Jungwon shook his head slowly, eyes half-lidded as his fingers traced lazy lines up and down the sides of your thighs. his touch stayed light, but it was constant, like he couldn't help himself.
"Not hungry"he murmured. "no appetite right now." his hands slid higher, slipping under the hem of your sleep shorts to squeeze the soft skin there. "just want you."
You let out a quiet breath, trying not to react too obviously. he leaned in closer, lips brushing the shell of your ear.
"I want to do it" he whispered, low and rough, the words warm against your skin.
Your stomach tightened. you sighed, half-frustrated, half-something else entirely.
"Jungwon⊠the last time we did it here, Mrs. Park from next door literally banged on the wall. she complained about the 'noise' for like three days after."
He let out a soft, amused chuckle against your neck, the sound vibrating through you. his fingers kept stroking your thighs, thumbs pressing in slow circles.
"Mrs. Park?" he smirked, pulling back just enough to meet your eyes. "she's probably pissed because she hasn't had dick in decades."
You smacked his chest lightly, trying not to laugh. "you're awful."
"What? it's true." his grin was playful, a little mean in that tipsy way. "but fine. if you're worried, you can bury your face in the pillows this time. or i can cover your mouth for you." his voice dropped lower. "i don't mind. i like when you're loud, but i can be good."
You exhaled sharply, shifting in his lap. the way he said it so casually, so confident, made heat crawl up your neck.
"Stop..." you said, trying to hold onto the frustration that was quickly slipping away. "showing up drunk and looking for sex every time you miss me. it's not fair, Won. i told you it bothers me."
His expression softened immediately.
The playful smirk faded into something gentler, almost vulnerable. he wrapped both arms around your waist and pulled you closer until your chest pressed against his.
One hand rubbed slow circles on your back under your shirt, the other resting high on your thigh again, fingers brushing dangerously close to the edge of your shorts.
"Baby" he murmured right against your ear, voice low and soothing. "that's not what this is. i would never come here just for that. you know me better than that."
He kissed the spot just below your ear, soft and lingering. "i haven't seen you since yesterday. all day at work i kept thinking about you. how quiet it gets when you're not around. i just⊠i need you. need your attention. need you to look at me like this."
His hand on your back slipped higher, tracing your spine with gentle fingertips.
The touch was intimate, almost tender. you felt yourself leaning into him without meaning to.
"I miss my girl" he continued, murmuring softly, lips brushing your skin with every word. "not just your body. i miss your voice, the way you laugh at my stupid jokes, the way you get all focused when you're studying. i just want to be close to you tonight. is that so bad?"
You swallowed hard. the guilt crept in even though you knew you weren't the one who'd been drinking. his voice was so convincing, so sweet and a little sad, that the anger you'd felt earlier started dissolving.
"I know youâre trying to study" he added, still stroking your back in that slow, hypnotic rhythm. "i can help you. i'll be your tutor for the night. we can go over your notes together." he smiled against your neck.
"And in return⊠you just have to kiss me. a lot. non-stop, actually."
You let out a breathy laugh despite yourself. "that's not really a fair trade."
"It is" he insisted, pulling back to look at you with those dark, slightly glassy eyes. his hand squeezed your thigh gently. "because i'm a really good tutor. and i'm very motivated tonight."
You could feel the tension humming between youâthe way his body stayed warm and solid under yours, the way he kept touching you like he needed the contact to breathe.
Part of you still knew this was the same pattern: he drank, he got needy, he showed up, he smoothed over your worries with that soft voice and those careful hands.
But right now, with him looking at you like you were the only thing that mattered in his entire day, it was hard to push him away.
"JungwonâŠ" you started, but it came out weaker than you wanted.
He kissed the corner of your mouth, then your jaw, then back to your ear.
"Just let me stay close to you" he whispered. "please, baby. i'll behave..."
His fingers traced higher on your thigh again, teasing but not crossing any lines yet.
You knew you'd probably regret not pushing harder on the drinking thing tomorrow. but tonight? tonight it was getting harder and harder to remember why you were supposed to be mad.
You finally gave in with a small nod. "fine. but we're actually studying for a bit first"
Jungwon's eyes lit up like you'd just promised him the world.
He followed you down the short hallway to your bedroom, his hand resting low on your back the entire way, fingers occasionally slipping under the hem of your sleep shirt to brush bare skin.
You moved quickly, pulling the curtains shut tight, then pushed some notebooks aside to make room on the bed.
You climbed onto the mattress first, settling with your back against the headboard and pulling your laptop onto your thighs.
Jungwon dropped down right beside you, close enough that his thigh pressed against yours and his arm draped behind your shoulders.
"So" he said, voice low and interested, tilting his head toward the screen. "what's this for?"
"It's for my extracurricular p.e academy" you explained, opening the slideshow. "we have to do a very basic presentation on bones and muscles. how they work together, common injuries, basic anatomy stuff."
Jungwon nodded, genuinely attentive even with the alcohol haze in his eyes. "that's actually cool. i admire the hell out of you for still grinding like this when vacation's basically here. most people would've checked out already."
You shrugged, a little embarrassed by the praise. "the presentation itself is pretty much done. i just need to memorize the flow and not sound like a robot when i'm up there."
"Easy" he said confidently, scooting even closer until his chin almost rested on your shoulder. "i got you. let's go through it."
For the next twenty minutes or so, he actually helped. he listened while you ran through the main sections, then started quizzing you gently on the bone groupsânothing too intense, just the basics. "carpals⊠tarsals⊠what about the femur again?"
His voice was calm and patient, the same tone he used when he was completely focused on something he cared about. every time you got one right, his hand would reward you with a slow stroke down your arm or a gentle squeeze on your thigh.
But after a while the boredom crept in. you leaned your head back against the headboard and let out an exaggerated groan.
"Ughhh, it's so easy on paper but it feels boring as fuck when i have to say it out loud" you complained sarcastically, rubbing your temples. "i think i'm getting a stress headache just looking at these slides."
Jungwon watched you for a second, then reached over and gently closed the laptop.
He set it on the nightstand without a word, his movements smooth and deliberate. the sudden lack of the screen's blue light made the orange lamp feel even more intimate, softer.
"You look stressed" he murmured, turning toward you fully. one hand came up to cup the side of your neck, thumb brushing your jaw. "way too tense for this late at night."
You sighed, the sound heavier than you meant it to be. "maybe because someone showed up tipsy and keeps distracting meâŠ"
He laughed quietly, the sound warm and a little raspy. without warning, he dipped his head and buried his face in the crook of your neck.
His lips brushed the sensitive skin there once, teasing, before he opened his mouth and started suckingâslow, deliberate pulls that sent little sparks down your spine.
You could feel the faint scrape of his teeth, the wet heat of his tongue as he worked on a spot that would definitely leave a mark tomorrow.
Your hand flew to his hair, fingers threading through the soft dark strands. you didn't pull, just held on, gripping lightly as your breathing changed.
"JungwonâŠ" you breathed.
He hummed against your neck, sucking a little harder before switching to a new spot just below the first. his free hand slid up your thigh again, higher this time, fingertips slipping under the edge of your pajama shorts but stopping just short of anything more.
"When Mrs. Park starts banging on the wall" you managed, voice shaky with a mix of amusement and heat, "you're the one explaining the noise. not me."
Jungwon pulled back just enough to look at you, lips shiny and curved into a lazy smirk.
His eyes were darker now, pupils blown wide. "don't worry about her" he whispered, voice low and rough. "i'll keep you quiet."
The way he said it hit you right in the gut. you literally felt your stomach flip, a deep warmth pooling low in your belly as your thighs pressed together on instinct.
The casual promise in his tone made your whole body react, a sharp throb of anticipation that made you shift on the sheets.
He noticed, of course. he always noticed.
"Yeah?" he asked softly, reading your face like a book. his hand on your thigh squeezed, thumb stroking dangerously close to where you were starting to ache. "you like that idea?"
You didn't answer right away, just tightened your grip in his hair. he took it as encouragement and leaned back in, kissing and sucking down the side of your neck while his other hand slipped under your sleep shirt.
His palm was warm against your stomach, sliding up slowly until his fingers brushed the underside of your bra. he didn't go further, just traced the edge, teasing.
The room felt smaller.
His damp hair, the flush still visible on his ears and cheeks, the way his gray sweatpants were starting to look tighter. you could feel how hard he was against your leg, but he wasn't rushing. he was savoring this, drawing it out on purpose.
"You're so pretty when you're trying to focus" he murmured against your collarbone, pressing a wet kiss there. "but i like you better like this⊠all soft and needy for me."
"I'm not needy" you protested weakly, even as your back arched a little into his touch.
Jungwon chuckled, the sound vibrating against your skin. "sure you're not."
His fingers kept exploringâlight, feather-soft touches that promised more but never quite delivered. he nipped at your neck again, then soothed the spot with his tongue. "but you're letting me mark you up anyway. and you're not stopping me."
You tugged his hair gently, pulling him up so you could look at him.
His lips were red, eyes glassy with want and alcohol, but the way he stared at you felt heavier than just the beer. like he really had been thinking about you all day.
Like being here, touching you, was the only thing that mattered.
Still, that small knot of frustration lingered in your chest.
"You always do this" you said quietly, the words slipping out before you could hold them back. "drink, then show up, then make me forget why i was annoyed."
Jungwon's expression softened again. he leaned in and kissed you properly this timeâslow, deep. when he pulled away, his forehead rested against yours.
"I know" he whispered. "i'm sorry, baby. i just⊠needed you tonight. all of you." his hand stroked your side soothingly. "let me make you feel good. we can go slow. i'll keep you quiet." he smiled against your lips.
"Whatever you need."
Your heart hammered.
His fingers kept movingâtracing your ribs, your hip, the waistband of your shortsâbuilding that slow, aching tension without ever crossing the line you hadn't given him permission for yet.
The apartment was quiet except for your shared breathing and the faint city noise outside the closed curtains. Mrs. Park was probably already in bed.
Your notes were forgotten. the only thing that existed right now was Jungwon's warm body pressed against yours, his mouth on your neck, and the heavy promise of what he wanted to do to you.
He kissed you again, slower this time, like he had all night.
And you let him.
You pulled away from his mouth just long enough to stand up, legs a little unsteady. his eyes on you.
Jungwon seated on the edge of the bed, watching you with that heavy, half-lidded gaze as you crossed the room and clicked the bedroom door shut.
The soft snick of the lock felt louder than it should have.
You turned around and walked straight to him and swung a leg over his lap, straddling him properly.
The second your bodies aligned, his hands found your waist, pulling you down against him as your mouths crashed together again.
This kiss was differentâdeeper, messier, hungry.
His lips were soft but insistent, parting yours instantly so his tongue could slide in, hot and tasting faintly of alcohol. he kissed like he'd been thinking about it for hours: slow, filthy strokes of tongue, gentle sucks on your bottom lip, then deeper again, tilting his head to get a better angle.
Wet sounds filled the quiet roomâsoft clicks and low hums as saliva slicked between your mouths.
You could feel him breathing harder through his nose, his chest rising against yours while his hands roamed your waist, hips, and up your back under your shirt, fingertips pressing into bare skin like he needed to memorize every inch.
You gripped his hair tighter, almost desperately now, tugging the soft strands as you rolled your hips once against the hardness growing beneath you.
Jungwon let out a quiet, needy sound into your mouth, something between a whine and a groan, his fingers digging harder into your hips.
After what felt like foreverâtongues tangled, lips swollen, breaths sharedâyou finally broke the kiss, a thin string of saliva connecting you for a second before it broke.
Without asking, your hands dropped to the waistband of his sweatpants, tugging them down impatiently along with his boxers just enough to free him.
Jungwon let out a breathy laugh, forehead resting against yours. "thought you didn't want to do this while i'm tipsy."
"Shut up before i change my mind" you muttered, voice already hoarse.
He didn't argue. in one smooth motion he reached back and yanked his black t-shirt over his head, tossing it somewhere on the floor.
You pushed his pants and boxers lower, eyes dropping shamelessly to drink him inâhis toned chest and abs, the sharp V-lines disappearing downward, and his cock, hard and flushed, resting heavy against his lower stomach.
You leaned in and bit down on his collarbone, not too hard but enough to make him hiss and whine softly under you, hips twitching up.
"FuckâbabyâŠ"
Jungwon's hands moved with surprising gentleness despite the hunger in his eyes. he helped you out of your sleep shirt, then unhooked your bra with practiced fingers, sliding the straps down your arms.
His gaze softened with that familiar warmth as he looked at youâreal affection mixed with raw want. he hooked his thumbs into your pajama shorts, pulling it down your legs.
When the fabric caught at your knees, he helped ease them the rest of the way off.
His eyes caught on your panties. a small, genuine smile broke through the lust.
"Are those new?" he asked, voice low and amused. "never seen you wear ones with little pinky bows before. if this was my early christmas present, i'm fucking lucky."
You huffed a laugh and turned around in his lap instead of answering, settling back against his chest.
You braced your feet on the cool floor, your ass nestled directly over his cock, grinding slowly back against him in a slow, teasing roll.
The position let you feel every inch of himâhot, hard, and throbbingâpressed between your cheeks while you moved.
Jungwon groaned quietly, the sound turning into a soft whine as his hands returned to your waist. his long, pretty fingers stroked up and down your sides and back, caressing your skin with reverence.
He didn't grab or rush. he just touchedâtracing your spine, squeezing your hips, running his palms over the curve of your ass while you kept that lazy, sensual grind going.
Every roll of your hips made his cock slide against your wetness, coating him.
"You're so beautiful..." he whispered against your shoulder, pressing open-mouthed kisses there. "look at youâŠ"
The grinding stretched on, slow and torturous.
Your breathing grew heavier, the slick sounds of skin against skin filling the room.
Jungwon's hands never stopped movingâgentle on your waist, occasionally brushing higher to cup your breasts lightly, thumbs grazing your nipples without fully focusing there yet. he was letting you set the pace, even as his cock twitched and leaked against you.
After several long minutes, his voice came out rough near your ear.
"You ready, baby?"
You turned your head just enough to look back at him, flashing a playful, wicked little smile. Jungwon let out a soft laugh, the sound melting into another needy whine as you shifted.
He reached between you, fingers carefully sliding your panties to the side without taking them off. the head of his cock nudged against your entrance, slipping easily through your folds. he groaned low.
"Baby⊠you're so creamy already" he murmured, voice thick with want. "all this for me?"
His hands settled firmly on your waist. you took a slow breath and began sinking down onto him, inch by inch, the stretch burning so good.
Both of you moaned quietlyâhis a soft, broken whine, yours more breathyâas you took him all the way until your ass was flush against his lap.
He filled you completely, pressing right against that spot that made your toes curl against the cold floor.
"Easy"Jungwon whispered, kissing your shoulder. "don't hurt yourself, okay? go slow."
You started movingâlifting up and sinking back down in steady, deep strokes, still facing away from him.
The angle was perfect; every downward motion dragged him against every sensitive part inside you. Jungwon wrapped his arms around your body, pulling your back flush against his chest.
One arm banded across your stomach, the other hand moving up to knead and tease your breasts, rolling your nipples between his fingers exactly how you liked.
"Touch me more" you breathed, voice shaky. "i want your hands all over me."
He obeyed instantly, like he'd been waiting for permission. one hand stayed on your chest, pinching and soothing, while the other slid down between your legs, fingers finding your clit with practiced ease.
His hips rocked up to meet yours, not thrusting hard but matching your rhythm so every movement hit deeper.
"That's it" he murmured, lips against your neck. "just like that, baby. you feel so good⊠so fucking tight and warm around me."
He kept talking in that low, quiet wayâmostly soft instructions, mixed with those pretty little whines every time you clenched around him.
"You're doing so well⊠look at you taking all of me." his fingers circled your clit faster, the other hand squeezing your breast as he sucked another mark into your shoulder.
The position kept you completely full, every roll and bounce stimulating you from the inside while his hands worked your body from the outside.
Sweat was already starting to slick your skin where you pressed together. Jungwon's breathing was ragged against your ear, but he never rushed.
He just held you close, fucking you deep and steady, giving you everything you asked for while finally getting what he'd been craving since he showed up at your door.
The bedroom felt alive with sound.
Wet, filthy noises filled the air every time you sank down onto him â the slick, creamy sounds of your pussy taking every inch of Jungwon's cock.
You were soaked, embarrassingly so, and the way he stretched you left no room for anything else.
Each roll of your hips made an obscene squelch as he rubbed against your walls, the head of his dick kissing deep, right up against your cervix.
You leaned forward slowly, hands bracing on his thighs, chasing a deeper angle. the change made him slide against a new spot that had your toes curling against the cold floor.
Jungwon groaned, low and needy. his hands slid up your arms, fingers wrapping around your wrists for a moment before he tugged you back hard against him.
The sudden pull forced you down fully onto his cock, burying him to the hilt in one smooth motion.
"Ahâfuck" you moaned, biting your lip hard to try and stay quiet. it didn't work. the sound slipped out anyway, needy and broken.
"Shhh, baby⊠i know" Jungwon whispered right against your ear, voice sweet and raspy, laced with a whine. "you're taking me so deep like this. feel so fucking good squeezing around me."
He rocked up into you, grinding rather than thrusting, letting you feel every thick inch.
Your head falling back against his shoulder. "right thereâ⊠don't stop."
Jungwon let out a soft, pretty whine, the sound vibrating against your back. "yeah? you like it when i'm this deep?"
He kissed the side of your neck, sucking lightly while his hips kept that steady, filthy rhythm. "you're doing so well for me... but we're just getting started, okay? hold on for me."
The slap of skin on skin grew louder, wetter.
Every time your ass met his lap it made a messy sound, your arousal coating his cock and dripping down onto his balls. you tried to keep riding him properly, but your legs started burning, movements turning sloppy and desperate.
Jungwon noticed immediately.
Without warning, he wrapped an arm around your waist and lifted you off him carefully but quickly.
You whimpered at the emptiness, but he was already guiding you down onto the bed on your back.
He settled between your spread legs, hovering over you. his larger frame covered yours as he caught both your wrists in one of his big hands and pinned them above your head against the mattress.
He looked down at you, eyes dark and glassy from the lust, but still so full of that soft affection that was so distinctly him.
"Gonna take care of you like this now" he murmured.
He reached down with his free hand, rubbing the swollen head of his cock against your clit in slow circles, teasing until you squirmed.
Then he lined himself up and pushed back inside in one smooth thrust, burying himself completely. the new angle made you arch off the bed with a choked moan.
Jungwon started fucking you again â fast and deep, hips snapping forward with precision. each thrust punched the air out of your lungs and made the wet sounds even louder in the quiet room.
He watched your face the entire time, eyes drinking in the way your brows furrowed and your lips parted with every stroke.
"⊠Look at you" he breathed, voice breaking into another whine as he drove deeper. "so pretty when you're getting fucked like this."
You moaned louder than you meant to. he quickly slipped two fingers from his free hand into your mouth, pressing down on your tongue gently.
"Suck." he whispered, voice sweet even as he kept pounding into you. "stay quiet for me, baby. just for a little longer.",
You obeyed, sucking on his fingers while he fucked you harder, the bed starting to creak softly beneath you. his whines grew a little louder, more frequent â those needy, breathy sounds that always slipped out when he felt really good.
He was trying to be quiet too, but the way your pussy clenched around him made it impossible.
After a few minutes he released your wrists, leaning down until his chest pressed flush against yours.
He buried his face in your neck, still thrusting deep and steady, now with more force. the new closeness let him grind against your clit with every stroke.
"Feels too good" he whined softly into your skin, voice yearning and desperate. "you're so warm⊠so tight. i can't get enough of you."
His hands roamed your body lovingly â stroking your sides, cupping your breasts, thumbs brushing over your nipples. never rough, always affectionate even while he fucked you senseless.
You couldn't help it. your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer as pleasure shot through you. your nails dragged down his back without meaning to, leaving red lines across his skin.
Jungwon moaned loudly into your neck â a broken, needy sound that made your stomach flip.
"Shitâbaby" he gasped, hips stuttering for a second before he recovered, fucking you even deeper. "scratch me more if you need to⊠i like it. want to feel you."
You moaned directly into his ear, lips brushing the shell as your nails dug in again.
He whined again, louder this time, hips snapping harder. "yeah? right here?" he angled his hips and thrust up sharply, making sure the head of his cock dragged against that spot inside you.
"Love hearing you like this. love being inside you⊠like this is exactly where i belong."
The room was filled with everything â the wet slap of his hips meeting yours, the creak of the bed, your muffled moans and his pretty whines, the sound of his cock sliding in and out of your creamy pussy.
Sweat slicked between your bodies. his hair stuck to his forehead, ears still red from the alcohol and exertion.
He kept talking between gasps and soft moans, voice low and intimate.
You dragged your nails down his back again, moaning his name against his ear. Jungwon shuddered, letting out another long, whiny groan as he buried himself to the hilt and stayed there for a moment, grinding slow and deep.
"Don't stop" you begged breathlessly. "please, WonâŠ"
"I won't" he promised, kissing your neck, your jaw, anywhere he could reach while still moving inside you. "not until you're shaking. not until you can't think about anything but me."
His hands never stopped caressing youâ gentle strokes over your ribs, your waist, your breasts, like he was worshipping you even while he fucked you raw.
The contrast between his sweet touches and the way his cock kept stretching you open made your head spin.
Jungwon's whines mixed with your moans as he kept that steady, deep rhythm.
Jungwon's moans were getting prettier, more unguarded. those soft, breathy whines that slipped out every time he bottomed out inside you â cute little sounds that made your stomach tighten even more.
He readjusted carefully, pushing your thighs up until your knees were pressed to your chest, folding you neatly beneath him.
The new angle made everything feel impossibly tighter. your pussy clenched hard around his cock, squeezing him like it never wanted to let go.
"Fuck⊠baby" he whined low, the sound almost like a sweet complaint, filthy and needy at the same time. "you're gripping me so fucking tight."
He kept his voice hushed but raw, hips rolling steadily as he fucked you in this folded position. every thrust dragged against that perfect spot, the wet squelching sounds even louder now because of how soaked you were.
His cock bullied its way in and out, creamy arousal coating him completely and dripping down your ass onto the sheets.
You held your own legs against your chest, arms wrapped around your thighs to keep them open for him. the position left you completely exposed, helpless to do anything but take every deep stroke.
"AhâWon⊠it's too much" you gasped, voice breaking. "feels so deep⊠i can'tâ"
"You can" he murmured, voice soft and raspy, that signature Jungwon tone â gentle even while he was buried balls-deep inside you. "you're doing so good for me." he groaned again, a pretty, whiny sound that vibrated against your skin as he leaned closer.
He was driving you right to the edge. yhat familiar pressure built low in your belly â the tight, heavy ache that made your toes curl and your thighs tremble.
It felt like you needed to go to the bathroom and like the pleasure was about to explode at the same time. your whole lower body tightened, clit throbbing, walls fluttering wildly around his cock.
Jungwon noticed immediately. his dark eyes flicked up to your face, reading every twitch and moan.
"Yeah? you're close, aren't you?" he whispered, picking up the pace.
His hips snapped faster, still deep but more insistent now, chasing your orgasm. "come on, baby. let go for me."
"I'mâ fuck, Won, i'm gonnaâ" your voice cracked into a sharp, needy cry as the orgasm crashed over you. you couldn't hold it back.
A broken moan tore from your throat as you squirted hard, soaking his cock, his pelvis, and the sheets beneath you.
Your body shook, pussy clenching rhythmically around him while waves of intense pleasure rolled through you.
Jungwon pulled out quickly but gently, replacing his cock with two fingers that kept rubbing your clit in fast, tight circles. "that's it⊠good girl. keep going, let it all out" he cooed softly, voice full of sweet encouragement while prolonging your orgasm.
You kept gushing, thighs trembling violently as another smaller spurt left you.
He stroked himself between your spread legs, hand flying over his slick cock. his breathing grew ragged, pretty whines turning into desperate little sounds.
"Babyâ i'm close too" he gasped.
When he came, it was with a gorgeous, broken moan â that signature soft, slightly husky voice cracking into a high, needy whine that melted into a deep, satisfied groan. "ahhâshit⊠mmhâ"
The sound was divine, the kind of moan that made your core clench even after your orgasm.
Thick, warm ropes of cum landed across your stomach and lower chest, some even reaching the underside of your breasts.
He kept stroking himself through it, milking every drop while watching the mess he made on your skin.
For a moment the room was just heavy breathing and the faint wet sounds of his hand slowing on his cock.
But Jungwon didn't collapse on top of you. he stayed present, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to your forehead, then your cheek, then your lips.
"You did so well" he whispered, voice soft and full of affection. "so fucking beautiful when you cum like that. i love watching you lose it for me."
He brushed damp strands of hair away from your face, eyes warm despite the alcohol still lingering in his system. "you okay, baby? that was a lot."
You nodded weakly, still catching your breath. "yeah⊠really good."
He smiled that cat-like smile and carefully climbed off the bed. "stay right there. don't move."
Jungwon walked over to your dresser, completely comfortable being with his dick out, and grabbed a couple of clean cloths from the drawer.
He came back and sat on the edge of the bed, gently wiping his cum off your stomach and chest with slow, tender strokes.
"Does that feel okay?" he asked quietly.
"It's fine" you murmured, watching him through half-lidded eyes.
When you were mostly clean, he leaned down and kissed your stomach softly. "want me to carry you to the bathroom?"
You nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips. Jungwon pulled his boxers and gray sweatpants back on but left his shirt off, the faint red lines from your nails visible across his back and shoulders.
He slid his arms under you effortlessly âone under your knees, the other behind your backâ and lifted you princess-style like you weighed nothing.
You wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face in his shoulder as he carried you to the bathroom. the cool air of the hallway made you shiver slightly against his warm chest.
He set you down gently on the toilet, making sure you were stable before stepping back a little.
"i'll go change the sheets while you're in here" he said, voice low and intimate, like he was sharing a secret. "where are the extra ones again?"
"Bottom drawer of the big dresser" you answered, sighing as you finally relaxed enough to pee. the relief was immediate after how intense everything had been.
"Got it." he leaned down and kissed the top of your head. "take your time, baby. i'll have everything ready when you come out."
While he was gone, you finished up and stood on slightly shaky legs. you turned to the mirror and froze, eyes widening.
Your neck and shoulders were covered in marks.
Dark hickeys bloomed across your skin â some light pink, others deep red and purplish. there were clear bite marks mixed in, especially near your collarbones.
It looked like you'd been attacked by a very affectionate vampire.
You didn't scream or panic, but your mouth fell open in genuine surprise. "holy shitâŠ" you whispered to your reflection, turning your head to see the damage from different angles. there was no way you'd be able to hide all of these tomorrow.
Jungwon's voice floated from the bedroom. "everything okay in there?"
"Yeah" you called back, still staring at the constellation of love bites. "just⊠realizing how fucked my neck looks right now."
He laughed softly, the sound warm.
You could hear him shaking out fresh sheets. "sorry, baby. i got a little carried away. but you looked so pretty with my mouth on you⊠couldn't help it."
You shook your head, a reluctant smile forming as you washed your hands. when you walked back into the bedroom, the bed was already made with clean sheets, the old ones stuffed in your laundry hamper.
Jungwon stood there shirtless, sweatpants hanging low on his hips, looking ridiculously soft after everything you'd just done.
He opened his arms for you. "come here."
You walked straight into them. he hugged you close, one hand rubbing slow circles on your bare back while the other stroked your hair.
"You were amazing tonight" he murmured against your temple.
"I needed you so bad⊠thank you for letting me come over even though i showed up tipsy again." his voice dropped a little, almost shy. "i know you don't like it. i'll try to be better tomorrow, okay? but right now i just wanna hold you.â
You pressed your cheek to his chest, listening to his heartbeat slowing down.
The faint smell of beer was still there, mixed with sweat and his usual scent. the mix of annoyance and affection you always felt toward him swirled in your chest, but the gentle way he touched you, the sweet words, the way he took care of everything without being asked âmade it hard to stay mad.
"You're lucky you're cute when you whine" you muttered.
Jungwon chuckled, the sound rumbling through his chest. he tilted your chin up and kissed you softly, no hunger this time, just warmth.
"Stay with me tonight?" he asked, even though you were already in your own apartment. "i'll make sure you're okay in the morning. we can even go over your presentation again if you want⊠after i make you breakfast or something."
You rolled your eyes but nodded, letting him pull you back toward the freshly made bed.
The city outside was quiet. and despite the marks on your neck and the lingering frustration about his drinking, you let him wrap himself around you under the clean sheets â because no matter how many times this pattern repeated, Jungwon's version of "i missed you" always hit different.
Soft, pale morning light slipped through the gaps in your curtains, painting the room in gentle hues of cream and gold.
It was still early â the kind of quiet morning where the city outside hadn't fully woken up yet. you had been lost in a hazy, warm dream, something fuzzy and pleasant that involved sunlight and laughter, when a persistent pressure low in your belly started pulling you back to consciousness.
At first, you thought it was just the need to pee. your eyes fluttered open slowly, lashes heavy with sleep, a small tired groan escaping your lips as you shifted under the sheets.
You had fallen asleep completely naked last night, too exhausted and satisfied to bother with clothes after Jungwon changed the sheets.
The fabric felt cool against your bare skin, and for a second you just lay there, blinking at the ceiling.
The pressure didn't fade. if anything, it grew warmer, wetter, more focused.
Then you felt it â the slow, deliberate drag of a hot tongue between your folds.
Your breath hitched sharply.
"JungwonâŠ?â" The name came out breathy, half-moan, half-question.
He was settled comfortably between your spread thighs like he'd been there for a while, your legs draped lazily over his shoulders.
His hands gripped the soft flesh of your thighs, holding you open while his face was buried in your pussy. his tongue moved in slow, filthy strokesâ licking from your entrance all the way up to your clit before swirling around it with obscene patience.
The wet, slick sounds of his mouth filled the quiet bedroom immediately.
He hummed against you, the vibration shooting straight through your core.
"Morning, baby" he murmured, voice still raspy from sleep and last night's drinking, that signature soft, slightly husky tone that always hit you right in the chest.
He gave your clit a slow, wet suck before pulling back just enough to speak, lips glistening. "couldn't help it. you looked so peaceful⊠but your pussy was already a little wet. had to taste you."
"Fuckâ what are you doing?" you moaned, hips twitching involuntarily as his tongue dove back in, licking deeper, more messily. "Won⊠it's too early for thisâ"
He chuckled softly against your folds, the sound turning into a needy little whine as he buried his tongue inside you, fucking it in and out slowly.
"Waking you up the right way" he answered, words muffled and dirty. "you're my favorite breakfast. so sweet and warm right after sleeping⊠fuck, you're getting creamy again already."
Your hand flew down instinctively, fingers threading through his soft dark hair. the sensitivity from last night's marathon made every single touch feel electric.
Your clit was swollen and tender, and every flick of his tongue sent sharp sparks of overwhelming pleasure shooting up your spine.
"Jungwonâshit, i feel like i'm gonna soak everything" you gasped, back arching slightly off the mattress. "we just changed the sheets last night⊠i don't have more backups right nowâ"
"Don't worry about it" he whispered, sucking gently on your clit before lapping at it faster. his tongue was relentless, sloppy and eager, coating his chin and lips in your arousal. "i'll take care of the mess. i always do. just let me eat you, baby. please?"
The plea in his voice â soft, almost whiny â made your stomach flutter. he was being so filthy with his mouth but still so sweet, eyes closed in bliss as he devoured you like he'd been starving for it.
The room quickly filled with wet, pornographic sounds: the constant slick slide of his tongue, the soft suction of his lips around your clit, your own shaky moans growing louder despite your best efforts to stay quiet.
Your back curved sharply off the bed as he hit a particularly sensitive spot. "ahâJungwon!" your grip in his hair tightened, not pulling him away but holding on for dear life.
"It's too much⊠my clit's so sensitive from last nightâfuck, slow downâ"
But he didn't slow down. if anything, he pressed his face deeper, nose brushing against your mound as he licked and sucked with renewed hunger.
Long, lewd strokes of his tongue mixed with quick flicks that made your thighs tremble around his head. you could feel yourself getting wetter, that creamy arousal leaking out of you and onto his tongue.
"You're so fucking pretty when you're like this" he groaned against you, voice vibrating deliciously.
He pulled back for a breath, eyes looking up at you with that hazy, adoring gaze â pupils blown wide, ears still slightly pink. "all sleepy and red⊠moaning my name like that. makes me so hard, baby."
You whimpered, legs shaking as he dove back in. the overstimulation was intense. every single touch felt like too much and not enough at the same time.
Your free hand moved to your chest, squeezing one of your breasts, pinching your nipple as another broken moan left you.
"Won⊠please, i can'tâ it's too intense' you begged, voice cracking.
Your hips rolled against his mouth despite your words, chasing the pleasure even as it bordered on overwhelming. "i'm gonna cum too fast if you keep doing thatâ"
"Good" he whined softly, the sound so pretty and desperate. "want you to cum on my tongue. want to feel you gush for me again." he slid two long fingers into your soaked entrance without warning, curling them instantly against your g-spot while his tongue attacked your clit in tight, fast circles.
The wet squelching sounds grew louder, filthier.
His fingers pumped steadily, perfectly in sync with his mouth. you were dripping down his hand, creamy arousal coating his fingers.
"Jungwonâoh my god" you moaned loudly, head falling back against the pillow. your back arched completely off the bed, thighs clamping around his head as the pressure built impossibly fast. "like thatâfuck, don't stopâ"
He moaned into your pussy, the vibrations pushing you closer. "that's it, baby. let go. you're squeezing my fingers so tight⊠so perfect. cum for me. please, i need it."
Your hand tightened in his hair, the other still groping your breast, rolling your nipple between your fingers.
The combination of his tongue on your oversensitive clit and his fingers hitting that perfect spot inside you was devastating. you felt that familiar overwhelming rush â the tight, heavy pressure that made you feel like you were about to burst.
"I'mâ fuck, Won, i'm gonnaâ"
He sucked harder on your clit, fingers curling faster, and that was all it took.
Your orgasm hit you like a wave, violent and all-consuming.
A sharp, pornographic moan tore from your throat as your pussy clenched rhythmically around his fingers, gushing wetly against his tongue.
Your entire body shook, back lifted high off the mattress, thighs trembling uncontrollably around his head. he didn't stop â he kept licking and sucking gently, prolonging every aftershock while moaning sweetly against your folds, drinking down everything you gave him.
"Fuck⊠so good" he whispered, voice hoarse and satisfied. "taste so fucking good when you cum."
You were still panting, body twitching with sensitivity, when he finally slowed down. but he didn't pull away completely.
He kept his fingers buried inside you, giving lazy thrusts while his tongue gave soft, soothing licks around your clit, careful not to overwhelm you too much now.
"Look at you" he murmured lovingly, pressing a kiss to your inner thigh. "all flushed and pretty in the morning light. my beautiful girl."
You let out a breathless laugh mixed with a whimper, eyes half-closed as you tried to catch your breath.
The sensitivity made every small movement of his fingers feel electric.
"Jungwon⊠you're insane" you managed, voice shaky. "waking me up like thisâŠ"
He smiled against your skin, that playful, cat-like grin you loved and hated at the same time.
"Couldnât resist. you were right there, naked and warm⊠smelled like sex and me. had to have a taste." he curled his fingers again gently, watching your face.
Jungwon was completely lost in you â whining softly, hips subtly grinding against the mattress for his own relief while he focused entirely on making you fall apart again.
And you let him.
Jungwon didn't hesitate for even a second. he moaned sweetly, loud and pretty, as he pressed his mouth closer and licked every drop left you gave him.
You were left panting hard, chest rising and falling rapidly, legs trembling as they slipped off his shoulders. your body felt boneless, warm and buzzing with leftover pleasure.
For a long moment you just lay there with your eyes half-closed, trying to catch your breath.
"JungwonâŠ" you breathed out shakily. "get up here⊠please."
He pressed one final, soft kiss to your clit before crawling up your body, leaving a trail of gentle kisses along your stomach and between your breasts.
When his face hovered above yours, his lips were shiny and swollen, chin glistening with your release. that familiar cat-like smile spread across his face â satisfied, a little proud, and ridiculously soft all at once.
"You okay, baby?" he asked quietly, voice still raspy and sweet. he brushed damp strands of hair away from your forehead with gentle fingers.
You nodded, still breathing unevenly. "yeah⊠just⊠intense. good intense."
Jungwon leaned down and kissed you slowly, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.
The kiss was lazy and deep, full of morning tenderness. when he pulled back, he reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the clean cloth he'd left there from last night.
He sat back on his heels between your legs and began wiping you carefully, his touch feather-light and loving.
"You're so fucking pretty right now" he murmured, eyes tracing your flushed cheeks, your messy hair, the way your chest still heaved.
His free hand stroked your waist in slow, soothing circles, thumb brushing the curve of your hip. "all glowing and soft⊠i could eat you out every morning like this."
You let out a breathless laugh, covering your face with one arm. "you're shameless."
"Only for you." he smiled wider, cleaning your folds "look at that â the sheets are completely dry this time. i swallowed every drop, see? no mess for you to worry about.â
You peeked out from under your arm and glanced down. he was right. thanks to how eagerly he'd devoured your orgasm, the fresh sheets he'd changed last night were still spotless.
The realization made you shake your head with a tired but fond smile.
Jungwon tossed the cloth aside and leaned down again, pressing a kiss to your stomach before sitting up fully. he looked genuinely energized, eyes bright despite the faint hangover haze he probably had. that was typical Jungwonâ once he got his fix of you, he could run on pure affection for hours.
"I'm gonna make breakfast" he announced happily, already climbing off the bed. "you rest a little more. i'll call you when it's ready."
He walked over to your closet like he owned the place, pulling out one of the oversized white t-shirts he'd left at your apartment weeks ago.
He slipped it on, the fabric stretching nicely across his shoulders and chest, but kept the same gray sweatpants from yesterday hanging low on his hips. Barefoot, hair still messy from your fingers pulling on it, he looked stupidly domestic and hot at the same time.
You watched him with a small smile as he padded out of the bedroom, closing the door softly behind him. the faint sound of him moving around your kitchen soon followed â cabinets opening, the fridge humming.
It took you a couple of minutes to gather the strength to move.
Your legs still felt a little shaky when you finally sat up. you swung them over the edge of the bed and stood up slowly, stretching your arms above your head with a quiet groan.
The marks on your body pulled slightly as you moved, reminding you of everything from last night.
You made your way to the bathroom, still completely naked. the moment you stepped in front of the mirror, you paused.
"Jesus ChristâŠ" you whispered.
The hickeys and bite marks looked even more obvious in the daylight.
Your neck was a canvas of pink, red, and purplish spots. several dark ones sat right under your jaw and along your collarbones, joined by clear teeth marks on your shoulders. you turned slightly, eyes widening at the full extent.
There was no way you could hide all of them with just a hoodie.
You sighed deeply, running your fingers over one particularly dark mark. part of you wanted to be annoyed â he always got carried away when he drank â but another part felt a stupid flutter at the possessiveness behind them.
Still, the frustration lingered. this was becoming a pattern.
Shaking your head, you turned on the shower and stepped under the warm spray. the water felt amazing against your sore muscles.
You took your time, washing your body carefully, letting the steam fill the small bathroom while your mind wandered. Jungwon's laughter floated faintly from the kitchen, along with the smell of something cooking â probably eggs and toast, knowing him.
By the time you stepped out and wrapped a towel around yourself, you felt a little more awake.
You wiped the condensation off the mirror again and stared at the marks one last time, tracing one with your fingertip.
"You're lucky i like you" you muttered to yourself with a small, reluctant smile.
You dried off and threw on comfortable clothes â loose shorts and a thin long-sleeved shirt that at least covered most of your neck and shoulders.
When you finally walked into the kitchen, Jungwon was plating food at the small counter. he looked up immediately, that bright, boyish smile spreading across his face the second he saw you.
"There she is" he said warmly, voice full of affection. "how do you feel? come eat while it's hot."
He'd made simple breakfast â scrambled eggs with cheese, toast with butter, and some fruit he'd cut up. two glasses of orange juice sat ready.
He pulled you into a gentle back hug before you could sit down, pressing a kiss to the side of your head.
"You smell nice" he murmured. "did you shower? sorry about all the marks by the way⊠i got a bit excited."
You leaned back against his chest for a moment, letting yourself enjoy the warmth before the usual mid-morning reality settled in.
"Yeah⊠i saw them" you replied quietly. "there's a lot this time, Won."
He hummed softly, squeezing your waist. "i know. i'll be more careful next time." but the way he said it sounded more like a hopeful promise than a guarantee.
You sat down together at the small table in your kitchen. Jungwon watched you take the first bite with that attentive, cat-like focus he always had when it came to you. the food was good â simple but comforting.
The quiet morning felt peaceful, but that familiar knot of worry about his drinking habits was already starting to creep back in.
For now, though, you let yourself enjoy the domestic moment: Jungwon in your apartment, barefoot in your kitchen, looking at you like you hung the moon.
Even if you knew this perfect morning came right after another night of him showing up drunk probably.
You were sitting at the small kitchen table, still a little sleepy but genuinely hungry after the morning activities.
The scrambled eggs were fluffy and cheesy, the toast perfectly buttered, and the cut fruit was sweet and cold. you ate like a little kid â cheeks slightly puffed, taking big bites and humming happily with each one, one foot swinging lightly under the table.
It was one of those unconscious habits you had when you felt comfortable.
Jungwon stood by the counter for a second, arms crossed over his chest, watching you with the softest, most fond smile on his face. his eyes curved into those pretty crescents, the same ones that made your stomach flip every single time.
"Look at you" he murmured, voice warm and amused. "eating like that makes me want to cook for you every day."
He was about to pull out the chair and sit across from you when the sharp sound of the doorbell cut through the peaceful morning.
Ding-dong.
Your fork paused halfway to your mouth. you already knew.
The sigh that left you was heavy and knowing. Jungwon's expression shifted too â he glanced at you, reading the look on your face instantly.
He knew exactly what was coming.
"I got it" he said quietly, before you could even speak.
He ran a quick hand through his hair, somehow making it look even better despite the messy night and morning you'd both had.
The white t-shirt hugged his shoulders nicely, and those gray sweatpants still hung low on his hips. he looked annoyingly put-together for someone who had been nose-deep inside you less than an hour ago.
Jungwon walked to the door and opened it with a light, polite smile.
Mrs. Park was standing there in all her glory.
She clearly hadn't bothered getting ready. her bleached blonde hair was frizzy and unkempt, dark roots showing at the scalp.
She wore an old robe over pajamas, arms crossed tightly under her chest. at 47, the years showed in the deep lines around her mouth and the permanent scowl etched into her face. she looked exactly like the type of neighbor who lived for this kind of confrontation.
"Good morning" Jungwon said calmly, keeping that polite smile. "is there a problem, ma'am?"
Mrs. Park didn't even bother with pleasantries. her eyes narrowed immediately.
"Your bed is literally pushed against my wall" she started, voice sharp and accusatory.
"I heard everything. every single sound. the moaning, the bed creaking, the filthy talking⊠all of it. at eight in the morning! have some respect, for God's sake. this is not a love hotel."
Jungwon's ears turned a light shade of red, but he kept his composure. he rubbed the back of his neck, looking appropriately sheepish.
"I'm really sorry" he said sincerely. "we didn't mean to disturb you. it won't happen again."
Mrs. Park scoffed. "sorry? i've had to listen to this nonsense multiple times now. last night too! the walls are thin, you know. i could hear her moaning your name like some cheap porn actress. disgusting."
Jungwon apologized again, softer this time. "i understand. we'll be more careful. really. sorry for the inconvenience."
The woman's face twisted "if this keeps happening, i'm actually going to file a formal complaint with the building management. i'm not joking. find somewhere else to do your little activities."
Jungwon nodded quickly, not giving her any more fuel. "understood. thank you for letting us know."
Before Mrs. Park could keep ranting, he gently closed the door, cutting her off mid-sentence.
The second the door clicked shut, he let out a long breath and turned around.
You were still at the table, mouth full of eggs and toast, staring at him with raised eyebrows. you swallowed quickly and pointed your fork at him.
"Told you." you said, voice muffled but smug.
Jungwon leaned against the door for a second, then walked back to the table with a playful smirk. he dropped into the chair across from you, stealing a piece of toast from your plate.
"If you say that one more time" he warned teasingly, eyes sparkling with mischief, "i'm gonna make Mrs. Park have a real reason to complain. right here. right now."
You rolled your eyes, but you couldn't stop the small laugh that escaped. "you're actually insane. she literally just threatened to file a complaint and you're already joking about it."
He shrugged, biting into the stolen toast. "what do you want me to do? cry about it?" his foot nudged yours under the table. "besides⊠you weren't exactly quiet either, baby."
You kicked his leg lightly. "because you're way too needy. you woke me up with your face between my legs when i was still sensitive from last night. and then you kept going even when i said it was too much."
Jungwon leaned forward on his elbows, chin resting on his hand, watching you with that intense, cat-like focus. his voice dropped a little, low and teasing.
"Yeah⊠and i could do it again right now" he said smoothly. "even if you tell me you're sore. even if you say you don't want it. i know exactly how to touch you until you're begging for more. until you're dripping again and forgetting all about Mrs. Park."
You felt heat crawl up your neck â the same neck currently covered in his marks. you pointed your fork at him again.
"See? needy. you literally cannot go more than a few hours without touching me."
He grinned, unashamed. "guilty. but can you blame me?" his hand reached across the table, fingers brushing over your knuckles. "you're my girlfriend. my pretty, smart, hard-working girl who lives alone and lets me come over even when i show up tipsy. of course i'm obsessed with you."
There it was again â that soft manipulation wrapped in genuine-sounding affection.
It always made the frustration in your chest twist uncomfortably. You looked down at your plate, pushing the eggs around with your fork.
"You know it bothers me when you drink and then come looking for sex" you said quietly, the theme creeping back in. "and now the neighbor is threatening to complain because you can't keep it down when you're horny."
Jungwon's expression softened. he stood up and walked around the table, crouching beside your chair so he could look up at you properly.
His hands rested on your thighs, thumbs stroking gently.
"I know" he murmured. "i'm sorry. i really am. last night i just⊠missed you too much. work was long, my head was killing me, and the only thing that makes sense when i drink is wanting to be with you." he pressed a kiss to your knee. "i'll try to be quieter next time. and⊠i'll try to drink less. okay?"
You stared at him. he looked sincere â those big dark eyes, the slight pout, the way his hands kept caressing your legs like he needed the contact.
It was hard to stay mad when he got like this.
"You always say that" you whispered.
"I mean it this time." he stood up and leaned down to kiss your forehead, then your cheek, then the corner of your mouth. "eat your breakfast, baby. it's getting cold."
You sighed but went back to eating. Jungwon sat beside you now instead of across, one arm draped over the back of your chair, fingers playing with the ends of your hair while he ate with his other hand.
The domesticity of it was almost too much. he looked so comfortable in your apartment, like he belonged here.
After a few minutes of quiet eating, he spoke again, voice lighter.
"Mrs. Park really needs to get laid, huh? she sounded jealous as hell."
You almost choked on your orange juice. "Jungwon!"
"What? it's true" he laughed, that pretty, bright laugh that always made you weak. "she was mad she could hear us having good sex and she's probably getting none."
You smacked his arm, but you were smiling despite yourself. "you're going to get us evicted."
"Nah. i'll charm the building manager if it comes to that." he leaned in and kissed your neck â right on one of the darker hickeys â making you shiver. "or i can just fuck you against the wall that's not connected to her apartment next time."
"Needy and horny again already" you muttered, rolling your eyes.
Jungwon hummed, nuzzling closer. "always. especially when you're wearing my shirt and have my marks all over you." his hand slid higher on your thigh, teasing the hem of your shorts. "still sensitive?"
"Yes" you warned, but your voice wasn't very convincing.
He smiled against your skin. "i could make it feel good anyway⊠slow and careful. until you're the one making noise again."
You pushed his face away gently, laughing. "finish your breakfast, you animal."
He grinned victoriously and went back to eating, but his hand stayed possessively on your thigh the entire time, thumb drawing lazy circles.
The morning light kept pouring in, warm and soft, while Mrs. Park's threats lingered somewhere in the back of your mind.
Jungwon was still here â affectionate, playful, a little manipulative, and completely wrapped up in you. And even though the frustration about his drinking was still simmering underneath, you let yourself enjoy this version of him for a little longer.
The needy, sweet, impossible boy who made mornings feel this good.
The plates were nearly empty now, just a few crumbs and a smear of egg left behind.
You leaned back in your chair, letting out a satisfied little sigh as you wiped your mouth with a napkin. the food had actually been really good â simple but warm, exactly what you needed after the intense start to the day.
"That was actually delicious" you said softly, smiling at him. "thank you for making breakfast. you didn't have to."
Jungwon's face lit up with that bright, boyish grin that made his eyes curve into pretty crescents. he cracked his knuckles once, stretching his fingers, then pushed his chair back.
"Glad you liked it" he replied, voice warm. "i'll go shower real quick. i still smell like last night⊠and this morning." he winked at you playfully as he stood up.
You got up too, stretching your arms high above your head with a soft groan. your muscles were still a little sore in the best way.
Instead of heading back to the bedroom, you wandered over to the living room and perched yourself on the wide armrest of the sofa, one leg dangling while the other stayed planted on the cushion.
You watched him move around, enjoying the casual domesticity of it all.
Jungwon was halfway to the bathroom when he paused.
He turned around and walked straight toward you instead, that familiar glint in his eyes. he stopped right in front of you, stepping between your spread legs like it was the most natural thing in the world.
One of his hands came up to cup your cheek gently, thumb brushing across your skin with surprising tenderness.
His other hand settled high on your thigh, fingers stroking slow, lazy circles on the bare skin just under the hem of your shorts.
"I love you" he said quietly, voice low and sincere. his dark eyes locked onto yours, intense and soft all at once. "so fucking much. you know that, right?"
You let out a small huff, half-amused, half-exasperated, but your cheeks warmed anyway. your hand came up to rest on his wrist, not pulling him away, just holding him there.
"I love you too, Won" you murmured. "but calm down a little⊠we just ate."
Jungwon let out one short, bright laugh â that pretty sound that always made your chest feel lighter.
He leaned in closer, forehead almost touching yours, his breath warm against your skin. the hand on your cheek slid back slightly, fingers threading into your hair while the one on your thigh squeezed gently, possessively.
"Say it again" he whispered, lips brushing your cheek in a soft kiss. "tell me how much you love me."
You squirmed a little on the armrest, complaining under your breath even as you tilted your head to give him better access. "Jungwon⊠you're so annoying sometimes."
But your voice came out quieter, softer, almost breathy. your fingers tightened around his wrist as you looked up at him through your lashes, eyes a little wider, shoulders relaxing under his touch.
"I love you⊠a lot. more than i probably should, considering how much trouble you give me."
The words came out gentle and yielding, almost like you were giving him exactly what he wanted without being able to stop yourself.
Your free hand rested on his chest, not pushing him away but tracing small patterns over the white t-shirt.
Jungwon's reaction was immediate.
His breath hitched. that needy glint in his eyes sharpened as he pressed closer, hips shifting forward until he was flush between your legs.
A soft, pretty whine escaped his throat â low and desperate.
"Baby⊠you can't say it like that" he murmured, voice already rougher. he kissed your cheek again, then the corner of your mouth, then down to your jaw.
"So sweet and soft for me⊠makes me want to keep you here all day."
His hand on your thigh slid higher, fingertips slipping under the edge of your shorts, stroking the warm skin there. not demanding yet, but clearly hungry.
You could already feel him starting to get hard against your inner thigh through the gray sweatpants.
"WonâŠ" you complained weakly, but you didnât move away. your fingers curled into his shirt instead, holding onto him. "you literally just said you were going to shower."
"I will" he promised, but he made no move to leave.
Instead, he nuzzled into your neck, lips brushing over one of the many marks he'd left the night before. "just⊠five more minutes. let me hold you like this."
He sounded so needy already â that slight whine in his voice, the way his hands kept moving on you like he couldn't stop touching.
One moment he was caressing your cheek lovingly, the next his fingers were squeezing your thigh like he wanted to pull you even closer.
You sighed, tilting your head to the side as he kissed along your marked neck. "you're impossible. Mrs. Park just threatened us and you're already trying to start something again."
Jungwon chuckled against your skin, the sound vibrating pleasantly. "she can threaten whatever she wants. right now i just want my girlfriend to keep telling me she loves me while i touch her."
He pulled back just enough to look at you again, eyes half-lidded. "c'mon, baby. one more time. tell me."
You bit your lip, trying to fight the smile threatening to break through. your voice came out even softer this time, almost shy, eyes dropping to his lips before flicking back up to his.
"I love you, Jungwon" you whispered, sounding small and sweet and completely wrapped around his finger. "i love you even when you drive me crazy⊠even when you show up drunk and needy⊠even when you leave marks all over me."
A full-body shiver ran through him.
He let out a low, needy groan and pressed his forehead to yours, hips rolling forward once, slowly, grinding against you just enough for you to feel how hard he was getting.
"Shit⊠you're gonna kill me saying it like that" he whined, voice cracking slightly in that pretty way it always did when he got desperate.
"I love you too. so much it's stupid. i can't even think straight when i'm around you."
His hand left your cheek to slide down your side, gripping your waist as he kissed you properly â deep, slow, and hungry.
His tongue brushed yours, tasting like orange juice. when he pulled back, his breathing was already heavier.
"You're still sensitive, right?" he asked, almost hopeful, fingers tracing the edge of your shorts again. "i could be really gentle⊠just use my mouth again or my fingers. i just want to make you feel good."
You laughed breathlessly, pushing lightly at his chest even as your legs parted a little more around him.
"Go shower. i'm still recovering from this morning."
Jungwon pouted â actually pouted â but there was a playful spark in his eyes.
He stole one last kiss, then another, before finally stepping back with visible reluctance. His sweatpants did nothing to hide how affected he was.
"Fine" he sighed dramatically, but he was smiling. "but when i get out⊠you're sitting on my lap while we watch something. deal?"
You rolled your eyes fondly. "deal. now go before i change my mind and make you wash the dishes too."
He laughed and finally headed toward the bathroom, glancing back at you one last time with that needy look that always made your heart do stupid things.
The warmth in your chest battled with that familiar knot of worry â about his drinking, about how easily he could melt your frustration with sweet words and gentle hands, about how much you let him get away with.
Still⊠mornings like this with Jungwon were dangerously addictive.
You stayed perched on the armrest of the sofa for a long moment, fingers absently brushing over your lips where he'd kissed you.
They still felt warm, slightly swollen. your skin tingled everywhere he'd touched â your cheek, your thigh, the back of your neck.
You let out a long, heavy sigh and dragged a hand down your face.
God, he's exhausting.
You were still sensitive from this morning.
Your clit felt puffy and tender, your insides a little sore in that deep, used way that made every shift of your thighs noticeable. part of you wanted to just sit here, scroll on your phone, and let your body recover.
But another, louder part â the one that always lost when it came to Jungwon â was already buzzing with leftover heat.
You glanced toward the closed bathroom door. the faint sound of water running reached your ears.
"Fuck it" you muttered under your breath.
You stood up and walked down the short hallway.
The moment you opened the bathroom door, a wave of warm, humid air hit you, thick with steam and the clean scent of your body wash.
Jungwon was behind the shower curtain, the silhouette of his body visible through the semi-transparent fabric.
"You almost done?" you asked, voice casual even though your pulse was already picking up.
The curtain slid open a few inches. Jungwon peeked out, water streaming down his face and dark hair.
It was plastered to his forehead, droplets clinging to his lashes. He smiled â that bright, cat-like smile that made his eyes curve â completely unbothered by the fact that he was naked and half-hard already.
"Not yet" he answered, voice slightly raised over the sound of the water. "why?"
You didn't reply with words.
Instead, you held his gaze and slowly reached for the hem of your shirt.
Jungwon's eyes followed every movement as you pulled it over your head, revealing your bare chest.
You hooked your thumbs into your shorts and panties together, sliding them down your legs at a deliberately slow pace, stepping out of them one foot at a time.
A low, surprised sound escaped his throat â something between a groan and a whine.
"BabyâŠ" His eyes roamed shamelessly over your body, taking in every curve, every mark he'd left on your neck and shoulders last night. the hunger in his gaze was instant.
You stepped into the shower with him, closing the curtain behind you.
Warm water immediately cascaded over your skin, soaking you in seconds. you moved closer until your bodies were almost touching, sliding your hands up his wet chest and over his shoulders.
Your palms explored the smooth planes of his back, tracing the faint red lines your nails had left there earlier. your faces were inches apart, water running down both of you.
Jungwon's cock was fully hard now, pressing hot and heavy against your stomach.
"You told me to calm down" he murmured, voice low and teasing, a playful smirk tugging at his lips. "and here you are, stripping for me and getting all needy in the shower."
"I'm not needy" you protested, even as your hands kept roaming his body. "don't bother me."
But even as the words left your mouth, you were already leaning in.
Your lips met his in a slow, deep kiss that quickly turned hungry. the water made everything slick â your tongues sliding together, lips wet and warm.
You could taste the faint trace of breakfast and the clean mint of his toothpaste. Jungwon's arms wrapped around you tightly, pulling you flush against his chest as he kissed you back with obvious want, one hand sliding down to grip your ass.
When you finally broke the kiss, breathing heavier, you looked up at him with dark eyes.
"This time" you said, voice dropping, "i want you to fuck me hard enough that i don't want any more intimacy for the rest of the day."
Jungwon's breath hitched. his pupils blew wide.
You turned around before he could respond, bracing your hands on the shower wall. you bent forward slightly, arching your back and pushing your ass back toward him, water streaming down your spine.
He didn't need to be told twice.
His hands caressed your sides first â slow, appreciative strokes from your waist to your hips. then you felt the blunt head of his cock nudge against your entrance, sliding through your folds once, twice, coating himself in your wetness.
"Fuck, you're already so creamy" he groaned.
He pushed inside in one smooth, firm thrust, burying himself to the hilt.
Your pussy was still sensitive from earlier, so the sudden stretch pulled a broken, high moan out of you. your fingers tightened hard around the shower fixture, knuckles turning white.
"Shitâ JungwonâŠ"
"You okay?" he asked immediately, voice tight with restraint even as his hips pressed flush against your ass. "if you want me to stop, just say it."
"Don't stop" you breathed, pushing back against him. "just⊠fuck me."
That was all the permission he needed.
Jungwon gripped your hips tighter and started thrustingâ deep, hard strokes that made the wet slap of skin against skin echo loudly in the small shower.
The sound was filthy, unmistakable, mixing with the rush of water. he groaned low in his throat, that pretty, needy sound you loved.
"God, baby⊠you're so fucking wet and tight" he panted, snapping his hips harder. "listen to how wet you are. i can hear it every time i push in."
Each thrust rocked you forward, your breasts swaying with the force.
The water made everything slicker, louder. Jungwon's pace was relentless but controlled â deep enough to hit that perfect spot inside you with every stroke, hard enough that your moans kept spilling out uncontrollably.
Your grip on the fixture tightened as pleasure mixed with the slight ache of overstimulation. it felt overwhelming in the best way â too much and not enough.
"Harder" you gasped, voice shaky. "you said you could make me want it even when i'm sensitiveâŠ"
Jungwon let out a soft whine and obeyed, fucking you harder.
The sound of his hips slapping against your ass grew wetter, sharper.
One of his hands slid around to your front, fingers finding your clit and rubbing tight circles while he kept pounding into you from behind.
"Like this?" he asked, voice raspy and sweet even as he railed you. "tell me how it feels, baby. i love hearing you."
"So deepâ fuck, WonâŠ" you moaned brokenly, forehead pressing against the cool tile. "you're hitting everything."
He groaned, leaning forward to press his chest against your back, lips brushing your ear as he kept thrusting.
"You feel so good⊠so fucking good. i can't get enough of you." his fingers kept working your clit, never faltering. "even when you're sore you're still this wet for me."
The steam, the heat, the constant stream of water, and the way he filled you so completely had your head spinning.
Every hard thrust made your sensitive walls flutter around him, creamy arousal coating his cock and dripping down your thighs, washed away instantly by the shower.
Jungwon's free hand gripped your waist harder, pulling you back onto him with every snap of his hips. his moans were getting prettier â those soft, whiny sounds mixed with low groans every time you clenched around him.
"Tell me again" he panted against your neck, sucking lightly on one of the marks he'd left yesterday. "tell me you love me while i'm fucking you like this."
You could barely form words, but you tried anyway, voice shaky and submissive.
"I love you⊠fuckâ i love you, Jungwon."
He whined loudly, hips stuttering for a second before he recovered and fucked you even deeper.
"Again" he begged, voice cracking beautifully. "please, baby."
The shower continued to rain down on both of you as Jungwon kept that punishing, delicious rhythm â hard, deep, and relentless, just like you'd asked.
Your moans mixed with his pretty sounds, the wet slap of skin, and the constant rush of water. your body trembled under the intensity, still sensitive but chasing more.
And Jungwon gave it to you without hesitation.
Jungwon's hips snapped against your ass with deep, forceful thrusts, the loud wet slap of skin echoing off the tiles with every stroke.
Your creamy arousal made everything obscenely slick â you could literally hear how wet you were every time he buried himself to the hilt.
"Fuck, baby⊠you're dripping down my cock" he groaned, voice husky and needy.
One hand gripped your hip hard while the other kept rubbing your clit in tight, fast circles. "you're squeezing me so tight."
You moaned brokenly, forehead pressed against the cool tile, fingers white-knuckled around the shower fixture.
Every hard thrust sent sparks shooting through your overstimulated body. it hurt so good â that perfect mix of soreness and pleasure that only Jungwon could pull out of you.
"Wonâ ahh, shitâ right there" you gasped, pushing back to meet his thrusts. "faster⊠please."
Jungwon whined loudly, the pretty sound vibrating against your back as he leaned over you.
He fucked you deeper, faster, the head of his cock dragging perfectly against that sensitive spot inside you with every stroke. "i love you so much. love being inside you like this. you feel so warm and wetâ fuck, i can't get enough."
The steam made everything feel closer, more intense. water streamed down your joined bodies, mixing with sweat. Jungwon's moans were getting louder, less controlled â those sweet, whiny sounds that always drove you crazy.
But you needed more than this position. you needed to see him.
"Waitâ" you breathed, voice shaky. "turn me around."
Jungwon slowed instantly, pulling out carefully.
He helped you turn, hands gentle on your waist despite how hard he was breathing. the second you faced him, he cupped your cheeks and kissed you deeply, tongue sliding against yours in a messy, desperate kiss. water cascaded over your faces as you both melted into it.
You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer.
Jungwon grabbed the back of your thighs and lifted you effortlessly, pressing your back against the tiled wall. you wrapped your legs around his waist, ankles locking behind his back.
He lined himself up and pushed back inside in one smooth thrust, burying himself completely.
"Oh my godâ" you moaned loudly against his mouth, nails digging into his shoulders.
"Fuck, baby⊠this is better" he panted, forehead pressed to yours.
His dark eyes were half-lidded, glassy with lust and affection. "i want to see your face when you cum."
He started moving again â deep, rolling thrusts that ground his pelvis against your clit with every stroke.
The new angle made him feel even bigger, pressing right against that perfect spot inside you. your bodies were flush together, skin sliding against wet skin, hearts pounding in sync.
Jungwon's moans were right in your ear now, soft and needy.
"I love you" he whispered between thrusts, voice cracking. "love you so much it hurts sometimes. you're everything to me." he kissed you again, slower this time, almost reverent, even as his hips kept that steady, deep rhythm.
"I'm yoursâ" you gasped, fingers threading through his wet hair. "only yours, Won. i love you⊠fuck, i love you so much."
He whined loudly, hips stuttering before he recovered and fucked you harder, deeper.
The sound of your bodies meeting was loud and wet, echoing in the shower. your moans mixed with his â raw, unrestrained, needy.
"You're getting tighter" he groaned, burying his face in your neck, sucking on one of the dark marks he'd left yesterday. "gonna cum for me, baby? want you to cum all over my cock while i'm inside you."
You nodded frantically, legs tightening around his waist.
The pressure was building fast again, that overwhelming heat coiling low in your belly.
Every thrust, every grind against your clit, every sweet word in your ear pushed you closer.
"Closeâ i'm so close, Won" you moaned, voice breaking. your nails dragged down his back, leaving fresh red lines.
"Me too" he panted, voice whiny and desperate. "look at me, baby. pleaseâ wanna see you."
You forced your eyes open, meeting his gaze. his hair was soaked, water dripping from his lashes, cheeks flushed.
He looked beautiful â needy, loving, completely lost in you. he kept one arm under your thigh for support while his other hand reached between you, thumb rubbing your clit in perfect circles.
"Cum with me" he begged softly, hips snapping harder. "please, baby. let me feel you. i need it."
The intimacy of it â his eyes locked on yours, bodies pressed so close, water falling around you like a curtain â pushed you over the edge.
"Jungwonâ!" your orgasm hit hard, walls clenching rhythmically around his cock as intense pleasure crashed through you. you moaned loudly, shamelessly, thighs shaking around his waist as you came.
The feeling of you pulsing around him sent Jungwon over right after.
His hips stuttered, burying himself as deep as possible as he came with a gorgeous, broken moan â that signature soft, husky voice cracking into pretty whines.
"Fuckâ baby, i'm cummingâ ahh, shitâ" he groaned long and deep, hips grinding into you as thick, warm spurts filled you up.
His face buried in your neck, body trembling against yours while he rode out every wave, moaning sweetly the entire time.
For a long moment, the only sounds were the running water and your heavy breathing. Jungwon held you close, still buried inside you, arms wrapped tightly around your body like he never wanted to let go.
He was the first to move, pressing soft, lazy kisses along your neck and jaw until he reached your lips. the kiss was slow and gentle now, full of affection.
"You okay?" he whispered against your mouth, voice hoarse. "wasn't too hard?"
You shook your head, smiling tiredly. "it was perfect⊠intense, but perfect."
He smiled back â that soft, cat-like smile â and carefully lowered your legs until your feet touched the floor.
He stayed close, holding you steady when your legs wobbled. without a word, he reached for your body wash, squeezing some into his hands.
"Let me take care of you" he murmured.
He lathered the soap between his palms and started washing you with gentle, loving touches.
His hands glided over your shoulders, down your arms, across your chest.
He was extra careful around your breasts and between your legs, cleaning you with soft strokes while pressing occasional kisses to your wet skin.
He tilted your chin up and kissed you again â slow, deep, and full of quiet love. when he pulled back, he rested his forehead against yours, water still raining down on both of you.
"I really do love you" he said quietly. "not just when i'm tipsy. all the time. even when you're mad at me for drinking⊠even when Mrs. Park threatens us." He gave you a small, sheepish smile. "i know i mess up sometimes. but you're the best part of my day."
You swallowed hard, emotions swirling in your chest.
"I love you too" you whispered back, hugging him tighter. "just⊠try to be careful, okay?"
"I will" he promised, kissing the top of your head. he held you for a long time after that, just hugging you under the spray, hands rubbing slow circles on your back.
Eventually he turned off the water and grabbed your biggest towel, wrapping it around you first before drying himself.
He helped you out of the shower, still supporting you when your legs felt shaky. in the steamy bathroom, he dried your hair gently with another towel, then your body, pressing soft kisses wherever he touched.
The morning had been intense â loud, needy, intimate, and messy in the best way. and even with everything still unsaid about his habits, Jungwon's care made it hard to regret any of it.
warnings: smut [minors DNI], fingering, p in v, unprotected sex (DONT), virginity loss â jake is just really sweet so idk what else to put as warning lmk if i missed something !
a/n: hello after a year⊠iâm firstly REALLY sorry to anon, iâve been procrastinating and i actually started going to work so i barely thought about it âč//đč but itâs finally here ! iâm not really satisfied with it but i hope youâll like it đ iâll try being more active and write more i just need motivation to lock in.
requested by anon âčđč
soft lips finally met yours after a long day from uni. jake had you on his lap, his big hands on both side of your hips while tracing slow circles with his thumbs. âbaby i missed you so much.â
you press your forehead against his, closing your eyes and wrapping your arms around his neck just to feel him closer. âi missed you too.â you smile, hearts beating in sync as you two take a moment to enjoy each others warmth.
you and jake have been together for almost a year but never did more than kissing or causal skinship. jake knows you havenât had sex yet and because he cares about you a lot, he wants to do it when you feel ready.Â
but the thought of him being inside you has been consuming your mind for the past few days and you donât know if youâre ovulating or not but. . . you knew you needed him bad.
it all began last week, where you two went on a date to do pottery together just to spend some time together since itâs been a while. he was so concentrated, hands super veiny and his arms flexing, it practically made you drool.
you imagined how they would fit perfectly inside of you or how he would lick his beautiful plump lips, causing your throat to go dry. having such filthy thoughts, surely made you crave for more than just kisses.
you shift on his lap, acting like you did it with no thoughts behind and of course it went unnoticed by him. though, the friction against his clothed crotch grew tighter. âbaby, you okay?â
you went quiet for a moment which made jake now worry a bit more, raising his hand to push a strand of hair behind your ear. he has that soft look on his face again, the one that makes you feel safe and secure.
you took a deep breath before you spoke, one hand playing with the hem of his shirt which made him smile because you looked so cute. âi.. have been thinking.â you began.
jake looks at you fully now, humming slowly as he patiently waits for you to talk. âand i think i want to.. you know..â you trail off, feeling embarrassed and shy to spell it out.
he was confused, his head tilted as he watches your shy expression. âwhat do you want baby?â he cups your cheeks and makes you look at him. âyou know you can tell me anything.â
you let out a little sigh, nodding slightly. âi want you to take my first time.â you look at him, nervous about how heâll react. he was surprised but he smiles softy, giving your forehead a kiss before he answers.
âare you sure you want this?â he makes sure to ask and you nod, you place your hand on the back of his hand, leaning into his touch on your cheeks. âiâve been imagining it.. and i really want it.â
âalright. if my princess wants it and feels ready, i shall give her what she desires.â he gives your nose a peck and lifts you up, your legs on either side of his torso and his arms wrap around your waist.
for your first time heâs planned to make it as comfortable as possible for you, carrying you to your shared bedroom and putting you carefully down onto the sheets. âletâs get us undressed.â
he flashes you a warm smile to which you bit your lower lip, nervousness slowly building up but you quickly become calmer the moment he settles between your legs and leans down to give you a small peck.
before he takes off any of your clothes, he starts with his shirt and throws it next to the bed while watching your face thatâs now red. âyou like what youâre seeing hm?â he chuckled and you whine in embarrassment at your boyfriends teasing.
but he continued slow, taking his sweet time to take off your clothes and once you got sight of him, you werenât sure anymore if this is gonna fit because god he was big.
he leans in to your face to kiss you, this time more properly. it was a soft and tender kiss, making you feel all warm inside, one that made your worries disappear in a heartbeat.
the kiss gets more intense, his tongue sliding in to collide with yours causing you to moan softly, making him groan at the sound. âfuck you sound so gorgeous angel.â
breaking the kiss, you catch your breath but before you could do so jake was already tracing a line between your folds with a single finger, to which your eyes slightly widened but your lips pressed together to ease you a little.
âgotta get you prepared first my doll.â his fingers moved slow on your bud, pressing a bit harder to which you held back a moan.
âah ah. let me hear you baby. i need to know how good i make you feel hm?â he moves his fingers a little faster to which your legs pressed together at the feeling, you already felt the climax building up.
âplease donât stop jake i-â he moved his fingers faster while your stomach tightened and snapped, finally coming undone on his fingers. he didnât stop moving them, rubbing your bud through your first orgasm, enjoying the sounds and the sight of his girlfriend cumming.
âyou did so well baby.â he kisses your forehead before moving his finger a little lower to your entrance. ânow we get to the real prep okay doll?â
you caught your breath and felt his finger slip inside your entrance, feeling it going deeper and deeper. . âit feels strange.â you tell him as he moved them a little faster, adding another finger to make you slightly hiss at the sharp pain.
âitâll feel good soon baby, trust me on this.â he quickly gave you a kiss on your cheek while working on building your next orgasm. your panting became heavier and each thrust of his fingers turned into pleasure to which you couldnât hold back your moans anymore.
he got faster once he noticed you felt good, licking his lips in concentration as he was determined to make you cum once again. one final thrust and you came on his fingers once again with another moan that sounded heavenly for jake.
âthatâs my girl.â he praised you and slowly pulled his fingers out, bringing them to his lips to have a taste of you and hummed in satisfaction. âspread your legs for me, pretty girl.â
he groans once you did what he told you to, shifting closer to your cunt once he got a hold of your hips. âyouâre so beautiful, i canât believe iâm the first to see you like this.â
you felt shy, his words were always sweet and it genuinely made you feel warm inside. he didnât need words to understand that you appreciate him and the way he treats you right now. itâs all about you tonight and he definitely will give everything for you.
i reached out to his nightstand, getting a condom but you caught his wrist before he even got to grab it. âdonât.. i want to feel you.â you tell him in a whisper. jake shut his eyes close, getting harder from your words was so painful.
âbaby are you sure?â he bit his lower lip when you nod shyly, making it hard for him to hold back any longer.
he inches closer and you felt his breath on your face, kissing you deeply again. pressing his forehead against yours before he whispers. âiâll be slow okay?â you nod before he held his length, gently pressing his cock against your folds as he moved it up and down for you to just feel it first.
âlet me know if it hurts okay?â you hum and he bit his lip, taking in the sight. the way you laid there, legs spread for him and ready to get fucked. . . that just turned him even more on.
he guided his cock to your entrance, pushing just his tip in, your eyes furrow in discomfort and your hands held onto his arms immediately. this was an entire new world for you, getting finally fucked for the first time and on top, your boyfriend being the sweetest ever while doing so.
âyou alright baby?â he looks at you with his puppyish expression, looking for any discomfort as he was worried he mightâve hurt you.
when you told him it hurt a little he stopped, leaning down to kiss your forehead. âyouâre so big..â you blurt out, embarrassed at your own words but he just smiles against you.
he coos, kissing you all over your face. âiâll make it fit baby, donât worry. just keep telling me when it hurts and i slow down, iâll be good i promise.â you smile at his words, holding onto his arms as he stayed still with his tip in your entrance.
after a few seconds your grip on his arms loosened a little, signaling him to keep moving to which he slowly did. he pushed a little deeper, causing you to clench around him. âfuck. . . princess if you do that. . shit-â
he groans and stopped himself this time, because if he keeps going, heâll lose control and thatâs the least he wanted. his forehead dropped onto yours once again, breaths in sync as your bodies connected.
you both shared moans as he thrusted in your walls deeper, jake stopping without you having to tell him to take it slow. wanting you to adjust to his size and the feeling of his cock being inside your walls.
âdoll you almost sucked my whole cock in, god youâre doing so good for me.â he brushed your hair off your face, growing harder in your pussy as he saw how fucked out you already looked.
jake did his best to not ram his cock into your cunt right then and there, the way you squeeze him so perfectly, so tight and warm made him feel like heâs on cloud nine. âiâm half way in.â
you couldnât form any words, too fucked out and gripping onto his arms like your life depended on it. âlook at you, taking half of my cock. iâm so proud of you baby, just a little more hm?â
his words helped you loosing up a little, wrapping your arms around his neck to feel him closer. âplease kiss me when you go deeper.â
you didnât need to tell him twice, his hand already held to your hip, the other to your clit as he leaned in to kiss you. rubbing your clit and kissing you softly to ease you up, he pushed in deeper which this time wasnât as painful.
jake noticed felt you more relaxed and pushed in further and finally. he hit your cervix, breathing heavily as he bottomed out and moving his hand from your clit to your stomach. âlook at this, iâm right here.â
his words, his hand on your stomach and the way he looked, so fucking hot. . . made you spiraling and want to be good for him. âyou can move. . jake baby please i need you so bad.â
he groans softly, dropping his head next to yours before kissing your jaw up to your lips. âfuck youâre driving me insane.â his hips move back slowly, thrusting inside again with the same rhythm.
it started to good, you move your hips to meet his in that slow space, automatically moving faster as you grew eager to cum. âbabe faster please ngh!â
oh and he did as you wished, hips meeting yours in a fast space, grunting whenever he hit your spot that made your back arch â god he canât believe heâs wrecking his virgin girlfriend.
âyou close baby?â he asks between breaths, sweat already forming on his forehead as he was determined to make you feel good. you moaning like a mess and the way you squeezed your walls around his moving cock was already an answer.
he held you close, rubbing your clit and thrusting into your pussy in a fast but gentle rhythm before you milk his cock with your cum. âthatâs my girl, cumming on my cock like the good girl you are hm?â
he didnât stop after you came, chasing his own orgasm as he kissed you deep, tongues dancing together and you felt him twitching inside of you. before he came, he pulled out and groaned while thick white ropes painted your stomach and chest.
âdid you feel good angel?â he laid down next to you and pulled you to his embrace, inhaling your beautiful scent. âyes it was amazing, thank you jakey.â you smile before nuzzling your face to his neck.
jake was now the happiest man alive, he was happy he made you feel good and safe, trusting him enough to take your virginity. you meant the world to him and he would always find a way to make you feel secure, just like now being in his arms was all you needed.
summary: you fell for him, but the timing was just wrong
pairing: bang chan x fem!reader
genre: heavy angst, no comfort
word count: 4074 words
a/n: got a sudden burst of inspiration and got a bit carried away... enjoy the angst fest âĄ
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~°~
The first time you realize youâre in love with Bang Chan, heâs half-asleep in the makeup chair.
The band schedule had been brutal that week â three back to back music shows, a fansign, rehearsal sessions that stretched past midnight â and yet he still smiled at everyone who walked into the room. He always did that, he always made sure to make everyone feel important, including you.
âDid you sleep at all?â you murmur, dabbing concealer beneath his eyes.
Chan cracked one eye open, âTwo hours⊠ah maybe three if you count passing out in the car.â
âYouâre impossible,â you shake your head.
âLeader duties,â he smiled at you softly.
âYou need to take care of yourself, Chan, youâre taking too much stress.â You sighed.
âWellâŠâ he said softly, his voice was rough with exhaustion, âyou are here to take care of me.â
Your hands stilled.Â
Itâs dangerous, the way he says things. Dangerous because heâs warm in ways he doesnât even realize. This is just who he is â gentle, respectful, attentive and impossibly kind. He treats everyone well, but sometimes it feels different with you. Different because it's the way he texts to make sure you got home safe. In the way he saves you a seat without thinking about it, like of course thereâs always supposed to be a place for you beside him. In the way his eyes find yours first whenever he laughs, like your reaction is the one heâs waiting for.Â
And maybe none of it means anything, and your heart is selfish enough to want to believe it means more, because he smiles at everyone like that. He always makes everyone feel a little chosen anyway.
But then when the room empties out, the noise fades, and he looks at you with an unbearably tender gaze that feels lingering and far too intimate to be called innocent.
And thatâs the cruelest part of all. Not your feelings for him. Not the uncertainty. Not even the fear of rejection. But the quiet, devastating truth that he already belongs to someone else.
Everyone in the SKZ team knows about the relationship. Itâs not publicly known, but enough people in the industry whisper about it. A female idol from another group. Beautiful, talented, sweet from what youâve heard.Â
You want to hate her. God, you want to hate her so bad⊠but you canât.Â
Because she makes him happy, thereâs a softness in him whenever he talks about her that makes it painfully obvious how deeply he cares. And maybe thatâs what destroys you most of all, that sheâs good to him. That she makes him happy in ways you never could.Â
They are perfect for each other because they belong in the same industry and live the same K-pop idol life. They go through the same exhausting schedules, the same pressure, the same understanding of what it means to live under constant scrutiny. She understands parts of him you never could. Youâre just a girl trying to make it through the month without falling behind on bills. Quietly ordinary in every possible way. While sheâs everything dazzling, like truly, sheâs the kind of girl loved by millions. The kind of girl cameras adore, the kind of girl songs are written about.
And standing beside her, youâve never felt smaller.
So instead of being jealous of her, you do the only thing you can. You stand there quietly as SKZâs makeup artist, smile when youâre supposed to, and let yourself break a little more each day.
******************************************
âHyung,â Changbin called from across the room, âyour girlfriend sent coffee again.â
The entire dressing room erupted into teasing.
Chan laughs, cheeks pink as he accepted the drink carrier from staff. âShe said I sounded tired.â
âWhipped,â Hyunjin said immediately.
âDisgustingly whipped,â Seungmin added.
You kept your head down, pretending to organize brushes. You think youâre hiding it well, but Chan noticed the shift in your mood immediately â he always noticed.
âYou didnât have your morning coffee yet,â Chan said suddenly, walking and holding out the cup toward you. âTake mine.â
Your throat tightened. âItâs okay.â
âI can share.â
You finally looked at him, and that was your mistake, because there it is again⊠that gaze. That quiet, lingering fondness he always carries in his eyes, like looking at you is the most important thing in the world.Â
And for one horrible, stupid second, you let yourself imagine this isnât borrowed affection. That maybe, just maybe, the way he looks at you means something more and it wasnât just in your head.Â
Then his phone lit up.
my girl <3
The screen flashed with a new message.
Miss you already.
And just like that, reality crashed back so hard it nearly stole your breath.
You stepped away before anyone noticed the crack in your expression.
âI need to clean the other station,â you lied.
Chan watched you go.
That was the day you decided you needed to set strict boundaries with him. He was taken and you would never be a homewrecker. If you continued staying close to him, it would only get worse. Your feelings would deepen, settle in places you wouldnât be able to scrape out later.Â
God, you felt pathetic. Like why would you even let yourself think like this in the first place for a taken man. You were the problem.
So, you made a decision, you would avoid him. Not completely, of course. You still had a job to do. You still powdered his face before performances, still fixed his hair between takes, still smiled politely when the camera was around and when it wasnât.Â
But you stopped lingering and letting conversations stretch beyond what was necessary. You stopped replying to his jokes the way you used to, instead you kept your eyes on your work, hands busy, focused elsewhere, like anywhere but him.
And whenever he tried to pull you into ease, into familiarity, you didnât follow.
You could tell it was getting to him.
The way his smiles didnât come as easily around you anymore. The way his gaze lingered a second longer, like he was trying to figure out what changed and when he stopped being allowed to reach you the way he used to.
But it had to be this way, because if he knew, if he ever found out what you were really feeling â it wouldnât just be messy. It would ruin everything. The team, the trust, the easy comfort that had always existed between you.
And worse than all of that⊠he would look at you differently, maybe with disappointment or even disgust, for daring to feel something like this when he already loved someone else.
So you swallowed it down, all of it, and strictly kept your distance.
It kept going for weeks, until one evening after rehearsal, he cornered you near the backstage hallway while everyone else packed up.
âDid I do something wrong?â
The question caught you off guard.
âWhat?â
âYouâve been distant lately.â
âIâve just been busyââ
âYouâre lying,â his voice was sharp when he cut you off.
You busy yourself stuffing products into your kit. âChanââ
âDid someone say something to you?â he asks. âAre you uncomfortable working with us?â
âNo! God, no.â
âThen why are you avoiding me?â
Because Iâm in love with you.
Because every time you smile at me I forget youâre not mine.
Because hearing your girlfriend call during touch-ups feels like swallowing glass.
Instead, you forced out, âYouâre overthinking.â
Chan stared at you for a long moment, then quietly asked, âAm I?â
You couldnât answer that, not when heâs looking at you like that.
His gaze didnât move away from you.
âIt doesnât feel like I am,â he said sadly.
âIâm just focused on work,â you said again, quieter this time.
âRight,â he said, after a pause, but it didn't sound like he was convinced. âJust work.â
He studied you for a moment longer, like heâs trying to pull an answer out of you without words.
âJustâŠâ he started, frustration creeping into his voice. âJust tell me what I did wrong.âÂ
You shook your head immediately.Â
âYou didnât do anything wrong.â
But you donât elaborate further, you just let the heavy and suffocating silence stretch.
Then his phone lit up and her name flashes across the screen.
Neither of you move at first.
His eyes flick down to it, then back to you â like heâs still waiting for the ringtone to stop, like heâs desperately trying to hold this conversation.
You swallowed hard.
âYou should answer her,â you said softly. âI should go. Iâll⊠catch you later.â
Before he can respond, before he can stop you, you turn away quickly and leave, forcing your feet to keep moving, not daring to look back.
Behind you, he exhaled faintly. Chan looked at the screen for a long moment before sighing, his thumb hovered over the call and then he declined it.
He slipped the phone back into his pocket, but he didn't move right away. He was too exhausted and too overwhelmed to move, so he just stood there staring at the ceiling, his eyes stinging as tears built up.Â
******************************************
He tried again and then again the next day. And the day after that.
But it was always the same now. You found a reason before the conversation could even begin â work, schedules, something urgent that couldnât wait. Anything that kept things contained and professional.
At first, he still tried to reach you through the gaps. Small questions and lingering glances. He showed quiet patience that seemed like it could stretch forever.
But slowly, even that faded.
Chan stopped trying to close the distance.
He stopped looking for you the way he used to between takes. He completely stopped waiting near your station after rehearsals and stopped turning casual moments into something more just by the way he stayed a little longer than necessary.
Now, when he spoke to you, it was strictly about work. He spoke in a way that was polite and detached, like there had never been anything softer between you to begin with.
It was what you wanted.
You kept telling yourself that.
That this was better. That you had done the right thing before anything could spiral into something messy and irreversible.
But still, the quiet that followed didnât feel like relief. It felt more like an absence and you didnât know what to do with that.
It went on for four days.
Four days of careful distance, professional exchanges and pretending that nothing had shifted, when everything clearly had.
And then the day before the weekend finally arrived. At the end of your shift, you let out a breath you didnât realize you were holding.
At least you could rest for a couple of days, and you wouldnât have to keep pretending tomorrow. At least there would be space to breathe without having to carefully measure every interaction, every glance or every word.
You gathered your things a little quicker than usual, already thinking ahead to the quiet of your room, the comfort of shutting the world out for a while.
As you made your way toward the bus stand, the evening air felt softer than usual. The streets were busy, but not overwhelming. People were heading home, just like you, wrapped up in their own routines, and somehow, in that quiet in-between, your mind drifted again⊠to him.
You kept recalling the past and how it used to be easier. Chan would sometimes stay back after his schedules ended, casually offering you a ride home as if it was the most natural thing in the world. You used to laugh it off, decline politely, insist you were fine taking the bus. But you never won the argument and heâd always end up driving you home anyway.Â
And somewhere along the way, those rides became something more than just a way to get back. Sometimes youâd make spontaneous stops at an ice-cream place, sitting in his car with the engine off, talking for hours about nothing and everything, ending up laughing over the smallest things. Youâd make him try flavours his typical indecisive Libra self would never choose on his own, teasing him until he finally gave in, only to decide he actually liked them. And somehow, between shared scoops and easy conversation, it always turned into something warm, light, and effortlessly fun, like the world outside didnât exist at all.Â
Other times, he would buy you hotteok from a small roadside stall, that felt warm in your hands against the night air. He always preferred the ones filled with red bean paste, insisting they tasted better that way, while you argued the cinnamon sugar ones were superior.
Sometimes he would park his car in front of the Han River, the city lights stretching across the water in quiet reflections while everything else slowed down around you. Youâd sit side by side, sharing snacks his mom sent him from Australia, unwrapping them carefully like they were something precious. Heâd always insist you try first, watching your reaction with that small, expectant dimpled smile of his. And then heâd talk about his childhood back in Australia, the streets he grew up on, the sun that felt different there, the way home used to sound and smell. He spoke about it casually, but there was always a hint of softer nostalgia underneath.
Youâd listen without interrupting, occasionally asking questions when his voice trailed off, while the river moved quietly outside the windshield like it had all the time in the world.
And in those moments, it never felt like anything complicated. It was just him and you, and a car full of borrowed stories, shared snacks, and a kind of peace you didnât realize youâd start holding onto.
It was simple and mundane, easy in a way you didnât realize youâd start missing until it was gone. Now, the memory sat differently in your chest. He doesnât do that anymore and itâs your fault.
You swallow hard, pushing the thought down as quickly as it rises.
You ruined a good thing, you recall sadly. You lost a great friendship, all because you couldnât control your damn feelings. In hindsight, you realized that feeling had always been there, quietly building in the spaces between conversations and shared silence.
Oh if only you had understood your own feelings back then.
By the time you understood you were in love with him, he already started falling for someone else. Or maybe even if you had realized and confessed back then, he wouldâve rejected you anyway, because you were no match for him, his feelings for you were always platonic for sure. The thought settles heavily, but you donât fight it this time, because it feels like the truth youâve been avoiding.Â
The bus arrives with a low hiss of brakes.
You step onto the bus, letting the doors close behind you with a soft mechanical sigh that feels louder than it should. The world outside is cut off in an instant, replaced by the dim, familiar interior of late evening travel.
You move down the aisle and take the seat at the very end of the row, near the window. From here, the city stretches out like a moving painting â streets glowing with gold and white lights, brake lamps bleeding into soft red streaks, buildings dissolving into blurred shapes as the bus pulls forward.
Everything keeps moving.
The hum of the engine fills the space around you, steady and low, vibrating faintly through the seat and into your bones. It should be comforting in its predictability, something to anchor you, something to keep your mind from drifting where it shouldnât.
But it doesnât work tonight. You lean your head against the cool glass beside you, letting the slight chill press into your skin. The movement of the bus rocks you gently, almost like itâs trying to lull you into stillness. Your body feels heavy in a way that has nothing to do with physical exhaustion, and everything to do with carrying too much you donât know where to put.
You slip your headphones on without thinking, more out of habit than intention, and let your playlist begin on its own.
At first, itâs nothing more than background noise. Familiar songs pass through your ears without meaning, soft melodies that donât ask anything of you, that donât require attention or emotion. They drift in one side and out the other, barely registering.
And then everything changes when you hear his voice.
Eternity by Bang Chan starts playing.
It hits you so suddenly that your entire body stills, like something inside you has paused without permission. It feels almost unreal at first, like your mind is playing a trick on you, like it shouldnât be possible for him to exist here â in something so ordinary, so mundane, so far removed from where he actually is.
But he does.
He fills the space inside your headphones completely, as if there is no room for anything else. As if the world outside the bus, the people sitting around you, even your own thoughts, have all been pushed aside just to make space for him.
You remember adding this song. When he talked about his pet dog, Berry, and how much he missed her. A breath caught in your throat before you can stop it, small and unsteady, followed by another that you try to control but fail to steady. Your fingers curl slightly in your lap, pressing into your palms as if grounding yourself physically could stop whatâs happening internally.
But it doesnât.
The lyrics donât simply play. They settle. They sink in slowly, deliberately, as if theyâve been waiting for you specifically. Each line feels heavier than the last, threading through every carefully built barrier youâve spent weeks putting up, slipping through the cracks you thought you had sealed tightly enough.
Memories rise without warning, uninvited and sharp at the edgesâquiet laughter during late schedules, shared silence that never felt uncomfortable, the easy comfort of sitting beside him without overthinking what it meant. And then, more recently, the distance. The careful politeness. The way everything between you shifted without either of you saying it out loud.Â
You turn your face slightly toward the window, pressing your forehead more firmly against the glass. The cold against your skin is sharp enough to ground you for a second, to remind you where you are, to remind you that this is just a bus ride home and nothing more.
Outside, life continues in fragments. People get on, people get off, conversations begin and end without meaning to linger. No one looks long enough to notice anything beyond the surface. No one sees the way your expression tightens, the way something inside you quietly starts to break apart without sound.
You swallow hard, forcing your breathing into something steady, something controlled. But it doesnât matter how still you sit, how tightly you hold yourself together, or how carefully you try to look away from what youâre feeling.
Because itâs already there and the tear slips anyway.Â
God, you just want to go home and sleep.
******************************************
Award show season becomes torture.
You stand backstage adjusting the clasp of Chanâs in-ear monitors when she arrives.
Sheâs even more breathtaking in person. The kind of beauty cameras never fully capture. And Chanâs entire face lit up when he saw her.
Not polite, it was just pure admiration. Deeply in love kinda gaze.Â
âBaby,â he breathed.
Your chest caved in.
She wrapped her arms around his waist carefully, mindful of his outfit. âYou look so handsome.â
âAnd you look so beautiful, baby,â he said quietly, eyes softening as if the world around them had faded out.
âI missed you.â She said cupping his face.
The intimacy of it felt private. You shouldnât be standing here witnessing this.Â
You step back immediately. âIâll go check the others.â
Neither of them notice you leaving. Like you didnât even exist and that hurt more than it should.
That night, after the performance, Chan finds you alone on the rooftop of the venue parking structure.
Cold wind whipped past as you stared over the city lights below.
âYou disappeared.â
You didnât turn around. âNeeded air.â
A silence settled between you.Â
âDid seeing her upset you?â
Your heart stopped. Slowly, you looked at him.
Chanâs expression was unreadable. He looked hesitant.
âI donât know what you mean.â
âYes, you do.â
You laugh weakly. âChanââ
âYou look at me like your heartâs breaking.â
The words shattered something inside you.
You shake your head immediately. âDonât.â
âDonât what?â
âDonât say things like that.â
His brows pull together. âWhy not? Isnât that the truth?â
âNo,â you whispered, finally meeting his eyes, âitâs not.â
The wind felt freezing now. Chan stepped closer, way too close. You stepped back immediately and he held your wrist to stop you.
âStop running away from me, dammit,â he snapped, though his voice betrayed a slight shake.
âChan, itâs⊠letâs not talk about it, please.â You sighed sadly, âmy heart canât handle this conversation.â
âI justâŠâ he started, then stopped, like the sentence didnât know where to go.
His eyes flicked away from yours. And when he spoke again, it was quieter, carefully stripped of anything that sounded too honest.
âI just donât like when things feel different between us.â
âIâm sorry. I was just buââ
âBusy with work,â he cut you off immediately, a faint edge slipping through before he could stop it. âYeah. You said that.â
He sighed, running a hand down his face.Â
âI know,â he said finally, quieter now. âI know youâre busy.â
The silence stretched.
You took a step back. âChan, just⊠let it go, okay? This is getting too much.â
At that, something in his expression flickered, he looked pissed at this point.
âIâm not trying to make it âtoo much,ââ he said, making air quotes around the word.
You swallowed. âChan, I didnât mean it like that.â
âThen donât say things like that.â
You frowned slightly. âLike what?â
His jaw tightened.
âLike you canât handle talking to me,â he said, slower now. âLike Iâm something you have to escape from.â
That landed heavier than it shouldâve.
âI wasnât trying to!â you said defensively. âIâm here minding my own business. Youâre the one trying to make an issue out of a situation thatâs nothing!â
âOh yeah?â His voice snapped sharper now. âStop lying.â
âI am not lying! Iâm just doing my job. Iâm giving you space. Thatâs all it is.â
His breath came out sharper this time.
âSo it is space.â
âItâs notââ
âThen what is it?â he interrupted, frustration finally breaking through the restraint. âBecause it feels like Iâm being erased from your life one interaction at a time.â
The words stole the air from your lungs. For a second, neither of you moved.
And then his voice dropped, âIâm not okay with this.â
That was all he gave you. Just the raw and unfiltered truth. Your throat tightened.
âChanâŠâ
âBeing not around you is making me lose my mind, canât you see that?â He said shakily.
You froze slightly. âWhat⊠why does it matter?â
His breath came out uneven now, like he hated that heâd said it.
âBecause I care about you,â he said, voice breaking at the edges. âI donât know how to deal with losing you.â
And there it is, the worst part, because you know he does. Chan loves deeply and fiercely. He gives pieces of himself to everyone he treasures. But not the way you ache for him, his one was purely platonic for you.
So you smile sadly and say the only thing that will save you both.Â
âI know.âÂ
His face fell slightly.Â
âYou should go back to her,â you continue softly. âSheâs probably waiting.âÂ
For a second, something flickers in his expression, it looked like a mix of conflict, guilt, longing. Itâs gone almost immediately.Â
Chan looked away first.Â
ââŠYeah.âÂ
That one word nearly killed you. He hesitates before leaving. Like he wanted to say more.Â
But in the end, he walks away. And you let him, because loving him means accepting that sometimes someone can give you tenderness, trust, late-night conversations, lingering looks, just a little bit of their heart, while the rest belongs to somebody else. The one they truly want.Â
FOREST FLAMES : featuring christopher chahn bahng.
â idol husband!bangchan x fem!reader in which bangchan finally comes home with news of a whole week free from schedules, surprising and asking you on a secluded camping trip within the forest where no one can interrupt the two of you. away from cameras, responsibilities, and noise of the world. sharing warmth, and intimiacy beneath the stars that slowly brings the two of you closer in ways neither of yoi have experienced in a long time. in the middle of nowhere, surrounded only by nature, your husband finally gets to love you without limits.
content warning: mention of slight bdsm, oral(f!receiving), fingering, sub!reader & d!bangchan, spitting, nasty make outs, over stimulation, dom and sub dynamics, praising and degradation, downbad!bangchan, multiple orgasm, that may not be suitable for other readers. please proceed with caution. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!
word count: 3.1k words
Chan had been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders for what felt like forever. Comeback preparations, world tour logistics, producing sessions that stretched until the early hours, and endless brand commitments had left him drained. You had been his constant, patient, understanding, holding down the home front while he chased deadlines. But you both knew something had to give.
One exhausted night, he came home well past midnight, dropped his bag by the door, and crawled straight into bed with you. He pulled you close, burying his face in your neck, and whispered, "What do you think of going on a vacation with me, baby? A camping maybe? Just the two of us?"
You felt the tension melt from his shoulders as you hugged him tighter. "I'd love that more than anything, Chan."
That single whispered question became the beginning of something you both desperately needed.
The planning became a ritual of its own, something that brought you closer even before the trip started. Every evening after dinner, you'd sit together at the dining table with laptops open, scrolling through carefully vetted private rentals. Chan was particular. "It has to be completely secluded," he said one night, his arm draped around your shoulders. "No other campers, no trails that connect to popular routes. Just us. I want to hear the wind in the trees and your voice without anything else."
You leaned into him, breathing in his familiar scent. "Do you think we can find a lake there? Or maybe a trekking site we can hike?"
He smiled softly and kissed the top of your head. "Yeah. We'll walk slow, talk about everything we've been missing. I've been so absent... I hate that I made you feel lonely."
You turned to cup his face. "You never made me feel unloved, Chan. Just... missed. This trip is going to fix that."
Over the following days, you prepared with care. You chose the sturdiest four-season tent together, testing the poles in the living room and laughing when it collapsed on him. The over sized sleeping bags were a mustâthey zipped together into one large cocoon. You added strings of battery-powered fairy lights, a thick, soft blanket for stargazing, a portable stove, cozy hoodies, and a small Bluetooth speaker for quiet playlists. You packed his favorite snacks, fresh ingredients for simple meals, a notebook for memories, and a couple of books in case you wanted quiet afternoons.
You spent evenings reminiscingâtalking about your first date, the night he proposed, the quiet moments during tours when he'd call you from hotel rooms just to hear your voice. Each conversation wove your bond tighter. By the time departure day arrived, the anticipation felt like a warm glow in your chest.
The four-hour drive was peaceful and intimate.Chan held your hand the entire way, thumb tracing gentle circles on your skin. Sunlight filtered through the changing scenery as the city gave way to rolling hills and then dense forest. You played old playlists filled with songs from your early days together. You sang along softly, windows cracked to let in the fresh mountain air. At one stop for coffee, he pulled you close in the parking lot and kissed you slowly, foreheads touching afterward. "Thank you for giving me this," he whispered more than once.
When the GPS led you down a narrow dirt track, the trees closed in like a protective embrace. The world grew hushed. Finally, the clearing opened before youâwide and grassy, ringed by tall pines, with a gentle stream bubbling nearby and soft moss carpeting patches of ground. It was even more perfect than the pictures.
Setting up camp became a labor of love. Chan worked on the tent structure while you spread the groundsheet, your hands occasionally brushing as you passed tools. The physical work felt satisfying. When the tent stood tall, he stepped back, wiped sweat from his brow, and sat down, and held you in his lap for long minutes, breathing together in the pine-scented quiet.
"I've missed this so much," he whispered, fingers stroking your back.Â
You kissed him deeply, slowly, tongues sliding in a gentle dance full of love and promise. Then you finished setting up; stringing fairy lights along the tent and low-hanging branches so they'd glow softly at night, spreading the big weatherproof blanket near the future fire pit, arranging cooking supplies neatly. Every shared glance and touch felt intimate, like you were building a tiny universe that belonged only to the two of you.
By late afternoon, the sun cast long golden rays through the canopy. You changed into comfortable hiking clothesâlight layers, sturdy shoes, small backpacks with water and snacks. The trail behind the clearing wound gently uphill through ancient trees. Birds called overhead. The air smelled of pine resin, damp earth, and wildflowers.
Late afternoon you changed into hiking gear and set off on the trekking trail. The path climbed gently through towering trees, sunlight slanting through the canopy in golden shafts. Chan laced his fingers with yours. You stopped often for soft kisses and quiet conversations. In a sunlit glade he pulled you onto his lap on a mossy rock and kissed you unhurriedly.Â
Further along, the trail opened to a breathtaking overlook. The valley stretched below in endless waves of green fading into misty blue mountains. Chan stood behind you, arms wrapped securely around your waist, chin on your shoulder. You stayed like that for a long time, listening to the wind and each other's breathing.
"I've been thinking about our future a lot lately," he confessed softly. "All the traveling, the success... it means nothing if I don't have moments like this with you. I want more of this. More time where I'm just your husband, not an idol with a million responsibilities."
You turned in his arms and hugged him tightly. "We'll make it work. We always do. This trip is proof."
The hike continued with more quiet conversations. You shared dreamsâmaybe a bigger home one day, travel when schedules allowed, thoughts about family in the distant future. Chan listened intently, asking questions, offering his own vulnerable thoughts. He picked a small wildflower and tucked it gently behind your ear, then kissed you so tenderly your eyes welled with happy tears. The descent back to camp was slower, the forest turning rosy as sunset approached. His hand never left yours.
The sun is just beginning to set, painting the lake in soft pinks and golds, when Chan zips the tent shut and flashes you that crooked smile you love so much.
"Race you?" he teases, already pulling off his shirt.
You laugh and dart ahead barefoot, the grass cool beneath your feet. Before you can even reach the water, his strong arms wrap around your waist from behind, lifting you effortlessly. You squeal and kick your legs, but the sound melts into giggles as he presses warm kisses along your neck and shoulder.
"Chan!" you protest between laughs, but he's already carrying you into the lake like you weigh nothing. The cool water laps at your skin, making you shiver and cling tighter to him. When he finally sets you down, the water reaches your chest. You don't hesitate, you cup your hands and splash him right in the face.
His eyes go wide in playful shock before he lunges for you. Laughter echoes across the quiet cove as water flies everywhere, sparkling in the fading light. You try to dodge, but he's faster, scooping you up again so your legs wrap instinctively around his hips. Your soaked sundress clings to both of you.
"You're impossible," you say breathlessly, brushing wet curls from his forehead.
"And you love it," he murmurs, resting his forehead against yours. His dark eyes are soft, full of that quiet adoration that still makes your heart flutter. The world fadesâthe gentle ripples, the distant birds, everything, until it's just his steady heartbeat against yours and the warmth of his skin in the cool water.
You trace a droplet down his cheek, then lean in to kiss him. It starts sweet and tender, but you both end up giggling when your noses bump. You stay like that for a long time, floating lazily, trading soft splashes and sweeter touches, every shared laugh wrapping around you like a promise.
Back at the clearing, you prepared dinner together as twilight deepened. Ramyeon with grilled meat, fresh vegetables, and cold beer. You ate cross-legged on the big blanket, feeding each other bites, laughing softly at silly stories. The fire crackled warmly once lit, sending sparks dancing upward. As full darkness fell, the fairy lights twinkled like captured stars, and the forest enveloped you in its peaceful symphony, owls hooting softly, leaves rustling, the stream murmuring.
Chan pulled you between his legs, your back against his chest, and wrapped the large blanket around you both. His arms circled your waist securely. For a long while you simply existed together, watching the fire and the sky. Then his hands began to move with slow reverenceâsliding under your hoodie, tracing the curve of your waist, the line of your ribs, gently cupping your breasts. His touch was worshipful, thumbs brushing softly until your nipples pebbled.
"I've missed touching you like this," he breathed against your neck, voice thick with emotion. "Feeling your heart beat under my hands. Knowing you're mine."
The night belonged to you.
Chan turned you in his arms and kissed you deeply, months of longing pouring into every slide of tongue and gentle bite of your lower lip. He peeled your hoodie off slowly, then your tank top, kissing every new inch of skin, your shoulders, collarbones, the tops of your breasts. The cool night air made your nipples tighten. He groaned softly at the sight, lowering his mouth to one breast. His tongue circled the sensitive peak before he sucked it deeply into his wet heat, flicking rapidly while his hand kneaded the other. You arched with a soft moan, fingers threading through his curly hair.
He took his time, switching sides, sucking and licking until your breasts felt heavy and aching, marked with faint love bites. Lower still, he laid you back fully on the thick blanket. Firelight and fairy lights painted warm gold and soft shadows across your body. He removed your shorts and panties with care, sliding them down your legs and kissing your calves, knees, and inner thighs on the way back up.For a long moment he simply looked at you, spread open and glistening under the stars. "So beautiful," he whispered, voice thick. "My perfect wife."
He settled between your thighs and tasted you. His first lick was long and slow, from your entrance all the way up to your swollen clit. You shivered. He did it again, broader, savoring. Then he focusedâtight circles around your clit with the flat of his tongue, two thick fingers sliding into your soaked heat. He curled them lovingly against your front wall, stroking that spongy spot while sucking gently on your clit. The pleasure built like a warm, rising tide.
"Chanâ oh godâ" you gasped, hips rolling against his mouth. "Right there... don't stop..."
You came with a trembling moan, thighs shaking around his head, walls pulsing around his fingers. Chan didn't stop. He gentled his tongue, licking you through the waves, then built you higher again. A third finger joined the first two, stretching you deliciously as he sucked your clit with steady rhythm. Your second orgasm was deeper, longer, leaving you gasping and whimpering his name.
Only then did he rise, shedding his clothes. His cock was thick and hard, flushed dark, the head glistening with precum. You reached for him, stroking the velvety length, thumb spreading the wetness over the tip. Chan groaned, hips twitching.He kissed you, letting you taste yourself, then positioned himself at your entrance. He rubbed the thick head through your slick folds, teasing your clit before slowly pushing in.
"Ahh... fuck..." Chan moaned deeply as the first few inches sank inside you, his voice rough with emotion. "I missed this... missed being inside you so much, baby."
You both gasped as he continued pushing forward, stretching your walls inch by inch until his hips pressed flush against yours, buried to the hilt. He stayed completely still for a long moment, forehead pressed to yours, eyes locked, breathing shakily.
"God... you feel so warm... so tight around me," he groaned, the sound vibrating through his chest. "I've been dreaming about this feeling for months. Being inside my wife again... fuck, it's perfect."
Then he began to move. Long, deep strokes that dragged against every sensitive nerve inside you. Each thrust pulled a low, needy moan from his throat. "Mmm... yes... just like that," he breathed, rolling his hips in slow, sensual waves. The angle was perfect. His pubic bone grinding gently against your clit with every thrust. You wrapped your legs around his waist, heels digging into his firm ass, pulling him deeper.
Chan's moans grew more frequent as pleasure built. Every time he bottomed out, he let out a husky groan, savoring the tight, wet heat squeezing him. "I missed this pussy so much... missed how you grip me... ahhâ"
Gradually his thrusts grew firmer, more powerful. Your breasts bounced with each impact. The wet, intimate sounds of his thick cock sliding in and out of your soaked pussy filled the clearing, mixing with the crackling fire, his moans, and your soft cries. Chan hooked one of your legs over his shoulder, folding you deeper, driving into you with slow, grinding force. The new depth made you cry out.
"Don't stop... please... you're making me feel so good," you moaned, nails digging into his back.
"Right there... fuck, baby, you're taking me so deep," he moaned, voice breaking with pleasure.Â
He reached between you, thumb finding your clit, rubbing tight, slick circles. Your third orgasm crashed over youâwalls fluttering and squeezing his thick cock rhythmically. Pleasure pulsed through your entire body. Chan fucked you through it with deep, steady strokes, groaning loudly.
"Shit... you're squeezing me so good... I can barely hold on," he panted, moaning every time your pussy clenched around him.
He pulled out gently and flipped you onto your hands and knees. The blanket was soft under your palms. From behind, he gripped your hips and slid back inside in one smooth thrust. This angle made him feel even thicker, deeper. You pushed back to meet him, ass rippling with every impact. Chan leaned over your back, one hand bracing beside you, the other reaching around to rub your clit.
"So fucking good... mmm... missed this view, missed this feeling," he groaned, starting to thrust harder. Skin slapped against skin as his moans grew deeper, more desperate.
You came again like thatâcollapsing onto your elbows with a broken moan, pussy clenching hard around him. Chan followed with a long, guttural groan, burying himself to the hilt. "Fuck... I'm coming... filling you upâ" You felt every heavy throb as he spilled inside you, hot pulses flooding your walls while he moaned your name, hips jerking with each spurt. He kept shallowly thrusting through his release, savoring every second.Â
Even then, he stayed connected. After catching your breath, he pulled out slowly, watching his cum drip from your swollen pussy with a low, satisfied moan. He turned you onto your back and lowered his mouth again, licking you clean with long, devoted strokesâtasting both of you while pushing his tongue inside. The over stimulation melted into fresh pleasure. He sucked your clit gently until you came a fifth time, thighs trembling around his head, while he hummed and moaned against your sensitive flesh.
Chan slid back inside you missionary-style, chest to chest. This time it was slower, more intimate, deep rolling thrusts that kept your bodies pressed together. You could feel his heartbeat against yours. His hands framed your face, thumbs stroking your cheeks as he kissed you.
"Look at me, baby," he whispered, then moaned softly as he sank deep again.Â
You rode him next under the stars. Straddling his hips, you sank down onto his cock, taking every inch. Hands braced on his chest, you rolled your hips, grinding so his thick length rubbed every inch inside you. Chan's head fell back with a deep moan.
"Fuck... ride me just like that... mmm... I missed you so fucking much," he groaned, hands gripping your ass, guiding you. He sat up, sucking marks into your breasts while you moved on him, moaning into your skin every time you sank down fully.
"Chanâ oh! So deep," you whimpered, rolling your hips. "'s so big- I-i can't!"
When your thighs shook, he took controlâthrusting up hard, bouncing you on his cock. "Yes... just like that... ahhâbabyâ" You came like that, crying out, collapsing forward onto his chest as your pussy spasmed around him. Chan kept thrusting up into you, moaning with every clench.
He flipped you again, spooning behind you on the blanket. One strong arm under your head, the other holding your thigh up, he slid back inside. Lazy, deep thrusts while kissing your neck and shoulder, fingers gently circling your clit. The zipped sleeping bags created a warm cocoon. He took you in every position you could manageâslow spooning with his hand between your legs, moaning softly with every thrust, then facing each other so he could watch every expression as he filled you again, groaning your name each time he bottomed out.
You lost count of the orgasms. They blurred into one long, continuous wave of pleasure and love. He came inside you multiple times, always with deep, broken moans about how much he missed the feeling of your pussy wrapped around him, how warm and perfect his wife felt, how he never wanted to leave your body.
Between rounds you talked softlyânaked, tangled together under the blanket outside or inside the tent. His fingers traced your skin. Desire rose again and again, gentle but insistent. He'd slide back into your cum-filled pussy with a long, satisfied moan, making love until the sky lightened with dawn.
When morning came, you were wrapped tightly in each other. Bodies sore and marked with love bites, thighs sticky, hearts full. Chan kissed you everywhereâforehead, nose, lips, holding you like the most precious thing in his world.
"This is what I needed," he murmured, voice hoarse from a night of moans and whispers. "You. All of you. I love you. So so much my love."
The forest had witnessed a night of deep, explicit connectionâraw pleasure wrapped in profound love and vocal longing. One long, beautiful night you would both carry in your souls always.
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