i feel the need ........the need for speed

marvel fanatic | travel enthusiast | self proclaimed witty person | lame as fuck | sitcom lover | obvious chris evans and tom cruise  fan | mentally married to steve rogers | 

[strepsils123]

MASTER LIST

Catching the snowflake

Summary: The story of how a chance meeting can change 2 people's lives Warnings: This my first fic so thats a huge warning on its own. Tooth

IM SORRY

pairing: steve rogers x reader warning: angst a/n: Not proof read, so your odds at finding epic blunders are really high word count: 1k Sit

[epiphanyrogers]

lights, camera, action .ᐟ ── .✦ consider this your ticket stub to the captain americana film festival! this july, we’re rolling out the red carpet for one very beloved birthday boy with a collection of fics that ask one simple question: what if steve rogers got to star in some of hollywood's greatest films? twenty-seven days, eight feature fics, and one leading man.... (oh! and you, of course). so grab your popcorn; the show's about to start!

the captain americana film festival runs july fourth through july thirty-first, and is strictly 18+, adults only entry! each fic will have it's own individual content warnings. full programme below!

⤷ starring spy!steve rogers x spy!f!reader⌇action romance

❝ You and Steve are voluntold you’re married for an undercover mission. Should be easy, except you hate each other. ❞

directed by @blowingbarnes ⧽ now showing .ᐟ

⤷ starring outlaws!stucky x f!reader⌇western romance

❝ As an outlaw, Steve Rogers has exactly two rules: keep moving, and don't go back. But for you he's broken the second one more times than he can count. He comes when he can, leaves before dawn, and you don't ask what he gets up to in between. Until one night it's not just Steve at your door, but his partner, Bucky Barnes, with your outlaw bleeding through his shirt and bounty hunters four days behind them. ❞

directed by @epiphanyrogers ⧽ now showing .ᐟ

⤷ starring 40s!steve rogers x f!reader⌇romantic drama

❝ It's the summer before college and the uncertainty of war looms over your future. Yet Steve Rogers always remains certain about one thing: you. He’s stubborn and sweet and so sure he can love you hard enough to make the rest of the world wait. But time is cruel, and it pulls you away from him over and over until the only thing left is a notebook that tells the story of a love too stubborn to be forgotten. ❞

directed by @buckybsdoll ⧽ showing july 15th .ᐟ

⤷ starring steve rogers x f!reader⌇romcom

❝ When Steve is roped into talking about his love for an old flame on a late night radio talk show, among the many women who hear his story and fall in love with him is… you. ❞

directed by @singulartoast ⧽ showing july 16th .ᐟ

⤷ starring steve rogers x f!reader⌇romantic drama

❝ The rules are simple: stay on your side of the street. Until one night you meet a boy. As tensions rise between rival gangs, two lovers dare to ask a simple question. Can happy endings exist in a warzone? ❞

directed by @pinksplace ⧽ now showing .ᐟ

⤷ starring steve rogers x f!reader⌇romcom

❝ You’re determined to help Wanda find the perfect boyfriend - but Steve? He is totally wrong for her and it’s not just because you want him for yourself. You, having feelings for Steve? Ugh, as if! ❞

directed by @lunexiax ⧽ showing july 24th .ᐟ

⤷ starring ceo!steve rogers x sex worker!f!reader⌇romcom

❝ Years after paying for your company on one of the loneliest nights of his life, Steve Rogers comes back with a very different request. Tired of endless questions about his love life, he asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend. It should be an easy arrangement. After all, neither of you is looking for anything real. ❞

directed by @love-stucky ⧽ showing july 27th .ᐟ

⤷ starring bodyguard!steve rogers x popstar!f!reader⌇ romantic thriller

❝ The first time Steve Rogers saves your life, you hate him for it. The second time, you kiss him. As a relentless stalker closes in and your world becomes smaller and smaller, the one person you can rely on is the bodyguard who’s sworn to keep his distance. But the closer the danger gets, the harder it becomes to ignore the growing attraction between protector and protected. ❞

directed by @pinksplace ⧽ showing july 31st .ᐟ

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVE ROGERS!

producer notes: what started as a half baked idea with @/love-stucky to do something to celebrate steve's birthday, somehow turned into an entire collab and the best excuse to read steve content all july! i have been so so so excited for this - selfishly perhaps, because i cannot wait to read all these fics, but mostly because of the wonderful writers who said yes and helped make this collab real. a huge thank you to every single one of you, ily guys. steve's best girls, assemble! <33

the stunning marquee sign and VHS spines for the notebook, mr and mrs rogers, west side story and the bodyguard were made by the insanely talented @/pinksplace, birthday steve edit by @/love-stucky, all other graphics by me. we do not give out permission for these to be used elsewhere!

[heyiappreciateyourshoelaces]

Every Trevor Lefkowitz x Reader/ Trevor Lefkowitz/Reader I could find on Tumblr as of 4/7/25.

I haven’t read any of them yet- I just went through the tag to save for when I inevitably can’t sleep tonight.

• https://www.tumblr.com/chasingstardustandmoonbeams/772526392048058368/isnt-it-a-pity

Post by @chasingstardustandmoonbeams · 3 images

💬 1  🔁 6  ❤️ 104 · Isn’t It A Pity · Summary: Well, dying really wasn’t on your to do list today. Pairing: Trevor Lefkowitz x Ghost!Reader

• https://www.tumblr.com/roanofarcc/787175110565150720/hi-i-wanted-to-ask-if-i-could-do-a-request-with

Post by @roanofarcc · 3 images

💬 0  🔁 4  ❤️ 35 · CLUELESS! · Hi! I wanted to ask if I could do a request with Trevor Lefkowitz were reader died years before Trevor and the

• https://www.tumblr.com/frogwithfairywings/786770443192418304

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

• https://www.tumblr.com/chasingstardustandmoonbeams/772509134285406208/captured-in-time

Post by @chasingstardustandmoonbeams · 1 image

💬 0  🔁 6  ❤️ 117 · Captured in Time · A series of mini fics in the days and years in the Woodstone Manor (Trevor Lefkowitz x ghost!reader)

• https://www.tumblr.com/roanofarcc/782269250880536576/a-moment-in-the-impossible

Post by @roanofarcc · 2 images

💬 2  🔁 14  ❤️ 140 · A MOMENT IN THE IMPOSSIBLE · pairing. trevor lefkowtiz x alive!reader (requested) summary.  near death experience somet

• https://www.tumblr.com/frogwithfairywings/784569567890554880

Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your

• https://www.tumblr.com/chasingstardustandmoonbeams/775523024072015872/little-things

Post by @chasingstardustandmoonbeams · 3 images

💬 1  🔁 12  ❤️ 265 · Little Things · Summary: Maybe there are a few little things in the afterlife that make it a bit more worthwhile. Word

• https://www.tumblr.com/roanofarcc/756457664555401216/cbs-ghosts-fanfiction-more

Post by @roanofarcc · 5 images

💬 2  🔁 32  ❤️ 428 · CBS GHOSTS FANFICTION + more · requests are open TREVOR LEFKOWITZ ghost bride!reader AN UNFAMILIAR PATH. You and Trev

• https://www.tumblr.com/orfeoedeuryice/773078124496846848/lefkowitz-widow

Post by @orfeoedeuryice

💬 2  🔁 13  ❤️ 398 · lefkowitz’ widow · pairing: trevor lefkowitz x reader plot: an unexpected visitor shows up at the Woodstone b&b and bri

• https://www.tumblr.com/forbrewer/775798606851670016/ski-lodge

Post by @forbrewer

💬 0  🔁 2  ❤️ 78 · ski lodge · read it on ao3 trevor gets sucked off! wc: 2,298 this is the first full work i’ve ever posted please forgiv

[strepsils123]

It's my 5 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[paradoxrose]

Lovin' You Against My Will: Epilogue

Series Summary: At a crowded gala, Steve meets a woman he knows better than to want. You're there with someone—close enough to make things clear, distant enough to make it complicated. He keeps his distance. Until he doesn’t. What starts as a mistake becomes a pattern—nights he doesn’t plan, choices he doesn’t justify, and a door he keeps finding his way back to no matter how many times he tells himself he won’t. He never stays until morning. He never asks questions he doesn’t want answered. And you never stop him.

Chapter Summary: What began with Steve avoiding connection at every turn ends with him choosing it openly. Stepping into his world means finally meeting the people who know him best—and proving that this time, when morning came, he stayed.

Words: 555

Status: Complete

A/N: The end is always bittersweet. But these two are just lovely. Your author lives on feedback. All errors are mine.

Chapter warnings: Fluff.

Series warnings: Steve Rogers x fem!Reader; SMUT; Modern AU; Complicated Relationship; Explicit Sex

Disclaimer: I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended. This is not written for profit.

Part One - Part Five

Bucky and Sam are more than a little surprised when Steve is the one who calls and asks them to meet him for drinks.

They have a local dive bar they always end up at eventually, the kind of place with worn booths, cheap beer, and enough history between the three of them that they can sit for hours doing nothing but talking. Usually Sam or Bucky is the one dragging Steve out. This time, though, the invitation comes from him.

Neither of them misses the difference.

Sam and Bucky arrive first and settle into their usual booth, talking easily while the noise of the bar hums around them. Sam is the first to notice Steve walking through the door and nudges Bucky lightly with his elbow.

Bucky turns—and immediately understands why Steve had sounded different on the phone.

There is tension lingering in Steve’s shoulders as he walks in, but that is not what catches either of their attention.

It is you.

Steve’s hand rests at the small of your back as he guides you into the bar beside him, casual and protective all at once. Sam’s face breaks instantly into a smug, deeply satisfied grin while Bucky stays quieter, watching the way you tilt your head up toward Steve, smiling softly as your hand brushes against his chest.

“Relax,” you murmur, just loud enough for Steve to hear.

Even from across the room, Bucky catches the way Steve’s expression eases at the word.

When the two of you reach the table, Steve introduces you, and it only takes hearing the way he says your name for both Sam and Bucky to understand everything they need to.

Bucky smiles first. “You stopped running.”

Steve lets out a quiet breath through his nose, something halfway between a laugh and resignation, while beside him you smile brightly at both of them.

Sam, still grinning like he has been waiting for this moment for weeks, leans back in his seat. “So this is why you were acting like a complete disaster.”

Your laugh rings out warm and easy at that, and Steve ducks his head with a sheepish smile, dragging a hand through his hair. “Thanks, Sam.”

“Am I wrong?”

Steve does not answer that.

Instead, he pulls out a chair for you, waiting until you sit before taking the seat beside you. Almost immediately his arm settles across the back of your chair, his fingers brushing lightly against your shoulder now and then like keeping contact with you has already become instinct.

You glance between the two men before nodding toward Sam. “From that line, I’m guessing you’re Sam.”

Sam points at you immediately. “See? I like her already.”

You laugh before turning toward Bucky. “Which makes you Bucky.”

“Got it in one,” Bucky replies easily.

Sam, incapable of leaving anything alone, looks back at Steve with another grin. “Glad you finally dug yourself out of that hole of denial.”

Bucky chuckles into his drink before adding, “He’s kind of hopeless sometimes.”

You lean your head against Steve’s shoulder, smiling as you look up at him. “I wouldn’t have him any other way.”

For a moment, Steve just looks at you.

Then his arm slips more firmly around the back of your chair, his mouth curving into a quiet smile that, for once, looks completely unguarded.

Please comment or message me if you would like to be added to my tags list.

@catchmeupimgettingoutofhere, @dylansjustme, @thejemersoninferno, @starlit-sith, @castielscaplan

[strepsils123]

guys I need help!!!

hey y'all!! I need help finding a book on wattpad its called blur the line by j k McLaren its an f1 fanfic with original characters. Even if I dont find the book I just wanna know if people know it, a discourse on that would be loads of fun too. I just cant seem to find this book anywhere if anyone can help me with it that would be awesome.

[daxisyzz]

Ishq Hai

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x desi!classicaldancer!reader

Summary: You’re just practicing. He’s just in awe. With every beat, every flick of your ankle, and every delicate chime of your payal, Bucky falls harder.

Word count: 536

Warnings and tags: reader is an Indian classical dancer, a very smitten Bucky, ghungroos (payals/anklets), vague description of the dance, lover boy Bucky.

A/n: Just trying to fill the gap left by the lack of Desi!Reader stories on this site. Header made by me (pics from Pinterest)

The soft rhythm of your steps echoed in the living room, delicate yet purposeful. Your anklets—ghungroos tied neatly, tight against your skin—sang with every movement. The bells weren’t loud, but they were clear, echoing in the hardwood space like a heartbeat. Your heartbeat. His heartbeat.

Bucky leaned quietly against the doorframe, arms crossed, completely still.

He was supposed to be doing something else—reading, maybe, or folding the laundry. But the moment he heard the telltale sound of your ghungroos, he was gone.

You were in the zone. Barefoot, hair pulled up, dupatta discarded somewhere on the couch, and every movement radiating grace and fire. Your brows furrowed in concentration, your fingers poised in that elegant mudra as you marked the next sequence, counting under your breath.

The music playing from your phone was barely louder than the sound of your payal. And yet it was all Bucky could hear.

Chime. Step. Turn. Chime.

He didn’t know the name of the dance, or the steps. But he knew you. And that was enough.

You turned sharply, catching a glimpse of him, startled. “Buck—!” you laughed, breathless, “You scared me.”

He pushed off the doorframe slowly, hands raised in surrender. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You didn’t,” you said, cheeks flushed from exertion. “You just… snuck up on me.”

He smiled, walking into the room. “I couldn’t help it. You were glowing.”

You rolled your eyes fondly. “I’m sweaty.”

“You’re beautiful,” he said simply.

That made you pause.

He stepped closer, now just a foot away, eyes flicking down to your ghungroos, then back up to your face. “Every time they make a sound, I feel like I’m watching magic happen.”

You glanced down at your feet, suddenly shy. “They’re just bells, Bucky.”

“No,” he whispered, stepping behind you. “They’re you. Every sound, every step—it's you speaking without words.”

You swallowed, his presence now wrapping around you, quiet and reverent.

“Show me again?” he asked softly. “Just a little.”

You hesitated, but his gaze was gentle, his hands resting lightly on your waist. So you nodded, and began to move again.

This time, slower. Just for him.

Bucky didn’t move. He watched with unblinking awe, as though you were made of starlight. His hand ghosted over your arm once, trailing behind your movement, syncing with your rhythm. The sound of your payal rose and fell like a lullaby, pulling him deeper and deeper into your orbit.

By the time you stopped, the room was silent but for the beat of his heart.

“You’re incredible,” he whispered.

You turned toward him, still catching your breath. “You really think so?”

“I know so,” he said, cupping your cheek. “The way you move… it’s like your soul’s dancing too.”

You smiled, soft and shy, leaning into his touch.

And then, as if to prove his point, your foot shifted—just a little—and your payal chimed again.

He closed his eyes and exhaled. “That sound’s gonna haunt me in my dreams, I swear.”

You laughed against his chest as he pulled you in, his metal hand resting just above your hip, his voice low in your ear.

“Promise me you’ll always dance like that when I’m around.”

“Only if you always watch me like you just did.”

“Deal,” he murmured, kissing your forehead. “You and those bells… they’re gonna be the death of me.”

And maybe they would be.

But what a beautiful way to go.

[strepsils123]

I HAVENT STOPPED GIGGLING

[strepsils123]

guys I need help!!!

hey y'all!! I need help finding a book on wattpad its called blur the line by j k McLaren its an f1 fanfic with original characters. Even if I dont find the book I just wanna know if people know it, a discourse on that would be loads of fun too. I just cant seem to find this book anywhere if anyone can help me with it that would be awesome.

[daxisyzz]

Ishq Hai

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x desi!classicaldancer!reader

Summary: You’re just practicing. He’s just in awe. With every beat, every flick of your ankle, and every delicate chime of your payal, Bucky falls harder.

Word count: 536

Warnings and tags: reader is an Indian classical dancer, a very smitten Bucky, ghungroos (payals/anklets), vague description of the dance, lover boy Bucky.

A/n: Just trying to fill the gap left by the lack of Desi!Reader stories on this site. Header made by me (pics from Pinterest)

The soft rhythm of your steps echoed in the living room, delicate yet purposeful. Your anklets—ghungroos tied neatly, tight against your skin—sang with every movement. The bells weren’t loud, but they were clear, echoing in the hardwood space like a heartbeat. Your heartbeat. His heartbeat.

Bucky leaned quietly against the doorframe, arms crossed, completely still.

He was supposed to be doing something else—reading, maybe, or folding the laundry. But the moment he heard the telltale sound of your ghungroos, he was gone.

You were in the zone. Barefoot, hair pulled up, dupatta discarded somewhere on the couch, and every movement radiating grace and fire. Your brows furrowed in concentration, your fingers poised in that elegant mudra as you marked the next sequence, counting under your breath.

The music playing from your phone was barely louder than the sound of your payal. And yet it was all Bucky could hear.

Chime. Step. Turn. Chime.

He didn’t know the name of the dance, or the steps. But he knew you. And that was enough.

You turned sharply, catching a glimpse of him, startled. “Buck—!” you laughed, breathless, “You scared me.”

He pushed off the doorframe slowly, hands raised in surrender. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You didn’t,” you said, cheeks flushed from exertion. “You just… snuck up on me.”

He smiled, walking into the room. “I couldn’t help it. You were glowing.”

You rolled your eyes fondly. “I’m sweaty.”

“You’re beautiful,” he said simply.

That made you pause.

He stepped closer, now just a foot away, eyes flicking down to your ghungroos, then back up to your face. “Every time they make a sound, I feel like I’m watching magic happen.”

You glanced down at your feet, suddenly shy. “They’re just bells, Bucky.”

“No,” he whispered, stepping behind you. “They’re you. Every sound, every step—it's you speaking without words.”

You swallowed, his presence now wrapping around you, quiet and reverent.

“Show me again?” he asked softly. “Just a little.”

You hesitated, but his gaze was gentle, his hands resting lightly on your waist. So you nodded, and began to move again.

This time, slower. Just for him.

Bucky didn’t move. He watched with unblinking awe, as though you were made of starlight. His hand ghosted over your arm once, trailing behind your movement, syncing with your rhythm. The sound of your payal rose and fell like a lullaby, pulling him deeper and deeper into your orbit.

By the time you stopped, the room was silent but for the beat of his heart.

“You’re incredible,” he whispered.

You turned toward him, still catching your breath. “You really think so?”

“I know so,” he said, cupping your cheek. “The way you move… it’s like your soul’s dancing too.”

You smiled, soft and shy, leaning into his touch.

And then, as if to prove his point, your foot shifted—just a little—and your payal chimed again.

He closed his eyes and exhaled. “That sound’s gonna haunt me in my dreams, I swear.”

You laughed against his chest as he pulled you in, his metal hand resting just above your hip, his voice low in your ear.

“Promise me you’ll always dance like that when I’m around.”

“Only if you always watch me like you just did.”

“Deal,” he murmured, kissing your forehead. “You and those bells… they’re gonna be the death of me.”

And maybe they would be.

But what a beautiful way to go.

[strepsils123]

I HAVENT STOPPED GIGGLING

[lokistemptress]

“Protect My Heart”

Steve Rogers x Reader

Angst with no happy ending? I don’t know.

steve rogers was weird. in all the right ways of course, i'd assume that if i had gotten injected with a super serum, met the love of my life just to lose her to time and age, be trapped in the ice while the world ages around me and keep my youth, i'd probably be a little weird and off-putting too.

the entire world knows who captain america is, and i've had the chance to work with him. he's tall, broad, all blond hair and bright shiny blue eyes. he's cute, he knows he's cute too. probably hates being called cute, but i can't imagine him as anything other than cute. 

he has a certain way that he looks at you, like he's looking right through you. but don't ever upset him, he's great at holding grudges. he's been gone for far to long and with the threat of ultron upon us, we now hide away in clint barton's house.

we're not the only people in the house, tony stark who's the iron man, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, extraordinaire (as i'm sure he'd enjoy being called). and then there's his 'twin', bruce banner. just as smart, just as attractive, but not arrogant. he's shy and that's just as cute as he is. and then there's people like natasha romanoff and maria hill, my two favorite people in the world.

of course, we cannot forget about the two gods who literally fell to earth. thor, the god of thunder. there were hundreds of other people, working the systems to keep us all safe from threats. and as busy as we are, steve won't leave me alone. 

i'm standing in the kitchen area, busy making some sandwiches to pass the time while every conversates about the next move. clint's children run around the house. "i can help you." steve suggested, leaning against the counter. i had multiple plates, already stacked high with different kinds of sandwiches. laura already said she'd help, since this was her home, but i shrugged her off and told her to spend some time with her family instead.

the weirdest thing about steve is that he's persistent. when he wants something, he won't give up until he succeeds. i can't say i'm not the same way, but he thinks of me as some sort of mission i'm sure of it. "they're just sandwiches steve." i sighed, closing the lid to the peanut butter. "i can be helpful."

"be helpful somewhere else!"

he doesn't ever take the hints. he's like a bug i can't kill. i'm sure half the world would be on their knees, begging for a chance to go on a date with steve rogers, but i think i'd rather die. no one should be stupid enough to do that. steve is a great guy, but his heart and his mind lie with another woman who he can never with. peggy carter, the love of his life, whom he lost so early. his poor heart holds onto her too much for his body to handle, so he finds someone else to satiate his need for love and it was me.

you know how when baby ducks or chickens are born, they imprint on the first thing they see as their mother, that's exactly what it felt like for steve and i, but instead of me being his mother he wants me as a lover. i cannot put myself through that ever. it hurts a lot to know the truth, to know he doesn't actually like me. what am i even supposed to do? i don't like pushing him away and ignoring him, i don't like being rude to the captain america. 

what if one date turns into two, two turn into spending nights with each other, kisses in between talking, and we have sex or something. what happens if i do fall in love with captain america? what happens when i want something more from him but he tells me he's not looking for anything serious. he's too caught up on his ex. i know steve is old fashioned, he'd never actually do that to a woman, but this isn't the 40s anymore and he's much older than i am, he's tired of fighting but he won't stop and that will be his downfall, and mine too if i don't put a stop to all of this. 

"you don't  like me much huh?" he scoffs jokingly, standing up from the counter and moving to stand behind me instead. "i do like you steve, i just don't need help making sandwiches." i put the cheese slices and the meat back into the refrigerator. "you know, if you want to help, you can take these to the living room while i bring these to the kids." i suggested, pointing to the plates.  i grab a different plate, beginning to walk away but steve catches my wrist. "please talk to me." he begs quietly. i poke the inside of my cheek with my tongue, running it over my bottom teeth. i've said no to going on a date with steve rogers three times now.

 the first time, it was very proper. asking me out after loki was put away and handled with by thor. he stopped me from leaving the building. "you did good out there." i shrugged. "beats working in an office staring at a screen any day." he laughed. body dirty, breathless, and sweating. "i'm sure it does." our conversation flows for a second, reveling in our win, talking about everything and nothing. "so i was thinking that we could... maybe do something tomorrow night..." steve asks, running his fingers through his hair. "i don't know rogers, we're kinda busy."

"no yeah i get it. i'm pretty busy too." he crossed his arms behind his back, rocking back and forth. "well, i'm supposed to see loki off and we're all splitting apart for a bit so... i'll see you later?" i nodded, watching as he walked away.

did steve rogers just ask me out?

the second time he tried was when we were on the run from the government after siding with his long time best friend, and super solider experiment, james bucky barnes, and found ourselves living on the outskirts of some small country's town i couldn't pronounce the name of. we were just lying in the grass together. he hadn't had the time to shave in a while, a light stubble beginning to show. we just stared at the stars wondering if our lives were going to be lived out like this. a small cabin in the woods that we found. spending all our time in the woods with natasha and hunting for animals and plants. what i wouldn't have done for a burger. "so i was thinking, a few years back, we never got a chance to hang out just us, and we're here, right now. know we can't do much, but i was thinking if you'd want to do this again sometime..." he trailed off. i didn't glance at him, i knew he was looking at me but i wasn't sure what to say. "steve now's not really a good time to get...  entangled." steve just nods silently. "yeah, that makes sense i guess."

i couldn't believe he was trying again. i thought he had forgotten. i know i hadn't, i couldn't stop thinking about him asking me out. and here he was, wanting to try again. i got up and headed back to the cabin without even saying anything. i felt sick to my stomach again. the night air felt colder, a pain filling up my chest. 

how dare he? who does he think he is?

strutting around the cabin shirtless, chopping wood for fire, learning how to hunt and which berries and plants could kill us and wouldn't kill us. humming 40s music while starting fires to heat up the water to make it drinkable.

when i taught him how to sew our clothes back together after running in the woods, sleeve being caught and torn by branches. teaching him how to braid hair, gently but quick so it wouldn't waste too much time. pointing at the stars together, sneaking into town to watch as it quiets down as the sun sets. dogs bark in the background. making ice cream with just milk and ice. hiding in alleyways from cops and laughing when they'd pass.

it makes me feel guilty for falling in love with a man who's mentally taken.

sure peggy carter isn't here anymore, but she haunts him in his sleep. for a few split seconds, i'd see a future with us together, a kid or two, living in a house just big enough for the two of us. maybe a dog or a cat for our kids to play with. and then reality strikes when he'd fall asleep and whisper her name that keeps me awake and thinking for days.

the third time he asked me out was as soon as we got into the house. he hadn't even gotten the chance to ask, i already knew what he wanted from me. i was on my way to check on natasha, she had been so excited about laura having another baby, and she thought it was gonna be a gril named natasha. it turned out to be a boy instead.

 "no steve." i said, not even letting him speak. he pulls me into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door. "don't say no, i just think it would be fun, doesn't have to mean anything-"

"no steve! it means everything to me!" he tries to talk again but i push back against his chest. he could easily over power me, he's stronger than i am. my heart is beating so fast. i can't look him in the eye. i make sure to keep steve far enough from me while i pull the door open and disappear to the kitchen instead. there's far too much going on.

"there's nothing to talk about." i drop my head, placing the plates down on the table so i don't drop them and waste them. "there's a lot we need to talk about actually. like how you keep running from me." he flips me around, holding onto my shoulders to keep me in place. "i can't give you what you want."

"and how do you know what i want?"

"i know you want peggy back. and i'm not her, not even close. i know you'd do anything to see her again, to hear her voice. to have her see you. i know you missed out on the greatest love of your life and i can't-i won't compete with that."

steve just leans down, pressing his lips against mine. he doesn't listen either. our lips don't stay attached for long, cause i untangle my body from his grip. "you have to stop steve! you tell me to stop running and hiding from you, but when are you gonna stop running and hiding from yourself too?"

"you think you know what i want? well it's not true. ever since i got out of the ice, i wasn't sure what it meant. i knew i should have died but i didn't. and for a long time i was lost, everyone i had ever loved was gone, everything i thought i knew was a lie, and the world was different. but i didn't regret the decision i made, and that same decision lead me to you somehow!"

"you do not mean that!" i shouted back. "don't i? you don't know what i want!" he crosses his arms over his chest, standing tall and proud. i hate when he does that. he just looks so strong like this. "what do you want?" i asked slowly, keeping my voice low and calm but i was anything but it. "what do you want steve!"

"i want you to stop running from this! why do you do it? tell me the truth. i know you're not afraid of me. and i know it's not because you're seeing someone else, and it can't be about peggy either." he tilts his head, searching my eyes. 

"why can't it? how am i supposed to give you my heart when yours belongs to someone else? what will i get in return?" i don't know when but i started crying. i can feel the little tears cascade down my cheeks the longer this conversation goes on. i wonder if someone will come find us, or will this conversation die out on it's own before then? "you have my heart already y/n, that's what you're not understanding. i'm already yours, i just need you to be mine too." steve inches closer, placing his hands on my hips. one hand cups my cheek, wiping away the tears. "please don't cry." he whispers soothingly. i reach up, cupping my hand with his own. i take a moment to revel in this feeling, the light enters his eyes again but i crush it by pulling back. he cannot win this war. i drop his hand to his side, using my other hand to brush him off my hip. i can still feel his touch on me, hands heavy.

"i'm sorry steve, but i need to put myself first for once, and i need to protect my heart. please, please don't ask me out again. it will always be no."

he doesn't say anything more when i grab the plates and carry them out of the kitchen and into the hallway where i walk slowly to the living room, trying to catch my own breath. "i've made sandwiches." i said, expertly setting them down on the table while everyone crowds around the tray. i fall back a few steps, moving outside to get some fresh air. i sit down on the steps of clint's house. aside from natasha and fury, i was the third person to learn about clint's secret life. was it weird to imagine my life would be like this at some point?

when i was at my lowest, nick fury spotted me in a crowd of hundreds. he always was drawn to the most messed up people. the front door creaks open and i hold in a groan. if he's followed me out here again, i might just lose my shit. 

but it's natasha. he's freshly showered, sad smile on her lips. "what's up with you?" we both ask in unison. a broken laugh passes between the two of us. "you first." i nudged her shoulder. "i wish bruce would just let himself go for once. he's too fearful."

their romance had been budding since she first picked him up. it was so slow and quiet, compared to steve who won't take no for an answer. "you?" she asks while we stare ahead at the meadow fields and trees in the distance. "steve won't take no for an answer. he's not fearful enough."

nat holds back a smile but i can see her lips twinge upward. "maybe you should stop holding back then. you and bruce are too similar. you push everyone away thinking it's for the greater good, and you won't be selfish just one time?"

"you can't be selfish with a guy like steve rogers. he could die any minute, i've read his files. i've seen everything he's done to get where he is today. he saved the world by landing a plane in the middle of the ocean where he froze over for 60 years. i can't put myself in peggy's position. history has a funny way of repeating itself." natasha sits silently. "i never thought of that for you." i glance at her confused. "what?"

"steve and i... we talk. we talk about you." i raise my eyebrows. "you do?" she nods and hums. "we talk about why you keep saying no, what's keeping you from saying yes. i did some digging, you don't have a secret family like clint, you're not stuck on an ex partner, you have family out there somewhere. they're too protected by shield that even i can't find them." i let out a quick sigh. i tell my family i work as a travel agent. everything was fine, and they had no idea, until my face popped up on a screen with hawkeye and natasha at my side, and of course running from the government is kind of hard to keep a secret.

"i just figured you didn't like him. i told him to stop trying after the first time, but i don't think he'll stop asking until you say yes."

"this isn't the notebook. i don't care how dangerous his proposals get, i won't give in. i can't see a logical reason to. he'll make me happy? i make myself happy. i won't be alone? i have you and maria. sexual pleasures? there's one night stands for a reason." natasha snorts and shakes her head. "you are so far gone into your own little world you can't even see the truth."

"okay, and what's the truth?"

"the truth is that you're right. maybe you love him, and maybe he makes the ultimate decision to sacrifice his life for everyone else's safety, but maybe he doesn't have to go through that and you two will live happily ever after. the truth is that he loves you and he wants to show you. god knows where i'd be right now if bruce showed me he loved me." natasha stands up, offering me a hand but i shake my head. "that's fine, you have a lot to think about now." she pats my shoulder and heads back into the house.

can you be selfish with a guy like steve rogers? everything about him is so attractive. like a magnetic pull i'm to weak to steer clear from. sharp features, strong build. he's smart, loyal, kind, brave. it's these thing's that worry me deeply.

although peggy never had a public speech about her feeling's toward steve, him being in the ice, his 'death' that shocked the world. everyone knew that she became a ghost of herself. she still went to work every morning, got dressed, ate breakfast, laughed and made her own jokes, went and fought in wars, and was brave too. but even though i too fight in wars and i wake up every morning and i get too see him, feel him, know him, i'm not brave at all. the thought of losing steve eats away at me every time i look at him. i'll never know his last day,  my last day. even if i did know, even if it was tomorrow, i do not have the strength in me to admit that i'm in love with steve rogers and he loves me too because i'm so afraid of it. afraid of what it means to be in a relationship with a man such as him. the people who'll come after us, what will happen when that time comes? i know he'd do anything for the people he loves.

it's one thing to be his friend, a partner in crime, hiding away in a cabin in the woods, staring at stars and making ice cream, but it's a whole other thing to actually be his. sacrificing yourself for a friend is the greatest sacrifice you could ever make, but steve sacrificing himself for my life, as a lover is the ultimate portrayal of love i do not deserve. i've held him off for this long, i can handle holding him off even longer. 

——————————

i also hope the ending makes enough sense cause i suck at writing marvel stuff. basically, she won't date steve bc she is afraid of how much she'll get hurt if he dies, and is worried that if something happens to her.

[kinanabinks]

real people

chapter one

18+

you're popular among horror fans. he's well-respected among film critics. though you work in the same industry, you couldn't be more different - but your managers think a pr romance is just what your careers need.

read the intro first

warning: actor!bucky x actress!reader, mature themes, fake dating, enemies to lovers, angst, slow burn.

Bucky Barnes supports from the sidelines while girlfriend Y/N meets with fans.

user1 > stop wait i wasn't sure about them together but... the way he watches over her dhidkkxmxx

user2 > MOST UNEXPECTED COUPLE EVER WHAT

user3 > I thought she was only into married men? Lmao

user4 > why didn't anyone want a picture with Bucky :( my poor baby

user5 > THE WAY HE SUBTLY GRABS HER WAIST AT THE END OH HES IN LOVE LOVE

<>

"I hate her," Bucky utters as he leans back in his chair. "I'm not kidding. Not being dramatic. I fucking hate her, Carol."

With a cigarette between her lips, Carol digs her toes into the warm sand and lets out a content sigh. "I'm proud of you, Buck. You've gotten through the first month smoothly. The public are buying into it - you trended on Twitter for the first time in a year last week," She tells him as she basks in the sun. "This relationship is already doing wonders for your image."

He lets out a huff. Part of him wishes it wasn't going well so that they could call the whole thing off and he'd never have to speak to you again.

"She's a gorgeous girl. Much prettier in person," Carol comments. "Any straight guy would kill to be in your shoes."

"Not once they spend more than five minutes talking to her," He grumbles, looking out to the sea. Granted, he could be in much worse places than the Bahamas, but the fact that he's only here to be seen with you has soured his mood.

"You know, most PR relationships I've ever worked on usually end up being real," Carol tells him. "In fact, they're more like introduced relationships. Like an arranged marriage. Who knows? If you spend enough time with her, maybe-"

"Are you being serious?" Bucky cuts her off coldly. "That girl is about as two-dimensional as a piece of paper. Her only hobbies are partying and Googling her own name. Trust me, Carol, as soon as these six months are up, I'm out."

Just then, you walk onto the small, private beach, straightening your sunhat as you approach the pair sitting on sunbeds. "Afternoon!" You greet them, smiling as you pass Bucky with a brief squeeze of his shoulder. "Hi, baby. Carol, you mind giving my beloved boyfriend and I a minute to talk?"

Carol snorts at the look on Bucky's face and happily complies, giving you a nod as she gets up to her feet. "The reservation's for 8pm; there'll be a car sent to the villa to pick you up at 7:30," She informs you both. "Have fun!"

Bucky lets out an irritated sigh as he slumps down on the deck chair. "What do you want?" He asks while you take Carol's seat.

"Pepper sent me. I need to put you on my Instagram story," You tell him as you pull out your phone. "It's been three days since I've posted about you."

With a roll of his eyes, he stays where he is, hoping you aren't about to tell him to hug or kiss you for the photo.

"Here; wear this," You say before tossing him your yellow sunhat. It lands on his bare chest and he gives it a bitter look before huffing and doing as you say. "Now," You continue, sitting up and aiming your camera at him. "Smile like you love me."

Though he despises you, he's damn good at acting like he adores you. You post the photo to your story with the caption, 'he's always stealing my things', and tag him in it.

"There we go," You say with a content sigh. "Now I can leave you to moping around again."

"I do not mope around," He argues sternly. "I'm laying in the sun."

"Mhm," You reply, before deciding to stay and annoy him a little longer. "I finally watched The Greenhouse for the first time last night. Really surprised you didn't end up winning the Oscar."

He doesn't say a word, his sunglasses shielding his eyes as he lays back down.

"Oh, well. Maybe next year, eh?" You continue. "Who knows? Maybe I'll even be up for an Oscar next year."

That earns a snort from him.

"I'm being serious - I could be up for Supporting Actress for The Sixth Night," You tell him as you refresh your notifications, watching as the likes and chat replies from your story come streaming in. "Speaking of, I think you're down to be my plus-one at the premier next month."

"I highly doubt a scream flick is gonna be nominated for any Oscar," He replies with a mutter.

"It's a serious film - it deals with all the same emotional themes your pretentious works do," You claim while reading through a few of your dms. "Someone said I've been glowing since getting with you. How sweet."

Bucky lets out what can only be described as a grunt in return.

Curious about why he's so bitter about this deal when he's definitely benefiting more than you, you lay down on the sunbed and turn to face him. "So, how come you're single?" You ask him. "Pretty young thing like yourself, I'd have thought you would be locked down."

"Long term relationships aren't compatible with my lifestyle," He answers you. "I'm barely ever home."

With an eye roll, you scoff. "Oh, please. Date a fellow actress, then. Or a director. Or even a pop star. Someone who has a similar lifestyle."

"Maybe I'm fine being single," He says with a slightly defensive tone.

"So, you like sleeping around?" You wonder.

He finally turns to face you, looking up at you over his sunglasses. "We're not all sex-addicted whores in this industry, you know."

"Ouch!" You exclaim, reaching out to lightly swat his arm. "Kitty's got claws. No need to be so mean to me. I'm not the one who forced you into this."

"No, but you're a self-obsessed narcissist with no real reason to be so arrogant - I mean, let's face it, it isn't that hard to scream and run around and spew the badly-written scripts you for some reason keep signing on to, so I don't understand why the fuck anyone thought I could ever need you to further my career," He rants, his cheeks flushing pink.

With your nerve successfully struck, you get up onto your feet with a huff. "I'm the narcissist? You are so fucking pretentious and up your own ass - your films aren't curing any diseases, guy. At least I'm actually relevant and I don't only go viral when I'm rude to interviewers- without me, your career is a sinking ship, so you should be fucking grateful that I agreed to do this bullshit for you, 'cause God knows I could get more publicity in a night than you'll give me in six months," You hit back.

"Yeah, for fucking a married football player," Bucky mutters under his breath.

"Fuck you!" You spit harshly as you begin to walk off. "And give me back my fucking hat!"

He rips it off and throws it at you, shouting, "Fucking take your stupid hat back!"

It's harder than you expected to storm away in sand, but you do your best, flicking up sand with every stomp.

Dinner is awkward, to say the least. The starters are brought out before you and Bucky exchange a single word. You're not sure if you expect him to apologize for what he said on the beach, but you sure would appreciate it.

"The cameras are here," He says while pretending to take a sip of wine, his eyes on the window to your right. "Action."

You hold back an eye roll as you catch a few flashes in your peripheral vision, and instead focus on spreading butter onto a piece of bread.

"Still not talking to me?" Bucky utters with a quirked brow. "Your sour attitude is noticeable, you know. Especially to your devoted fans who like to closely watch your every move."

Putting down your fork, you let out a musical laugh, as though he just made a great joke- something you strongly doubt he's capable of. "You suck and I hate you," You say quietly so the other diners around you don't hear.

"There are some great lip readers out there these days," He says while subtly rubbing his beard so as to hide his mouth.

With a sigh, you keep your eyes on him. "I can't wait for you to take me home and fuck me," You say instead, shooting him a wink as his face falls for a split second.

"You are unbelievable," He mutters, keeping a pleasant look on his face.

"What? So I can't say I hate you, or that I wanna fuck you? What do you want from me?" You ask, keeping your tone light and your face happy. If anyone was listening in, you'd sound insane.

"Is that all the range you're capable of?" He asks you, holding your hand. "There's nuance to emotion. And a heck of a lot more than just hate and horny."

You grit your teeth together. This man does not respect you one bit. Does he genuinely think you're talentless? That you're a bad actress? Though you understand that he might dislike the genre of film you're typecast for, surely he can't deny that you're at somewhat of a good actress.

Then you realize - there's an ignorance to his hatred. He hasn't ever referred to a specific one of your roles or movies in particular that he thinks lowly of. That fucker.

"You bastard," You begin, your smile only slightly faltering. "You haven't watched a single one of my films, have you?"

He says nothing in response.

With a dry laugh, you shake your head. "You sit there on your high horse, preaching about how my work is below what you do, about my work being a collection of shitty little scream flicks - and you have the audacity to say all that having never seen a single fucking one?"

He lets out a sigh. "I don't need to see-"

"Fuck you," You utter, pulling your hand out of his, picking up the napkin on your lap and tossing it on the table as you stand up. Still aware of the flashes outside the window, you give Bucky a kiss on the forehead before walking away, as much as it pains you to do so. Prick.

"Did you find that the two of you had any similar rituals or processes, or do you work very differently?" Porter, your twenty-third and final interviewer of the day, asks you.

You let Tony answer, giving your voice a break. Press junkets are one of your least favourite parts of the job, with back-to-back interviews taking place in one long, long day. At first, you did enjoy getting to hear all the British accents, but you're ready to get on your private jet and fly home. As much as you love The Sixth Night and think it's probably the best film you've been a part of, you are sick to death of talking about it.

"And that worked perfectly for me, because our characters are only meeting for the first time at the beginning of the film, so each of our interactions on-screen involve us learning and getting to know one another, which is exactly what was going on off camera, too," Tony finishes, giving you a gentle nudge. "So I guess our processes are different, but compatible."

There's a twinkle in Porter's eye when he speaks again. "Speaking of compatibility, it seems love is in the air for yourself, Y/N- and with none other than Tony's Fugitives co-star, Bucky Barnes. Was it Tony that introduced you to each other?"

"Actually, Bucky and I met at a Golden Globes afterparty earlier this year," You lie, using the story Pepper and Carol fleshed out. "No wing-manning needed from Tony."

"Right," Porter says with a laugh. "Well, fans around the world are loving the two of you together- did you have any hesitation in going public?"

"It's always a little nerve-racking when you're in the public eye, knowing that there are so many opinions out there being formed about you, but Bucky is a true gentleman and couldn't do more to make me feel secure," You say, hoping you're coming across as sincere rather than over-rehearsed.

"That's lovely," Porter remarks with a smile, before his attention is stolen away by someone off camera. "And I think that's all I've got time for today- thank you both so much for your answers, you've been wonderful."

"You've been great, too," You reply with a smile, knowing your fans love when you're nice to interviewers.

"I'm so excited for this movie!" He says with a grin.

"And we're excited for you to see it," Tony replies before you get the signal that the cameras are off.

Someone comes over to help you take your mic off while Tony quickly raises his brows at you. Once your mics are off and the press have trickled out, he chuckles.

"So, you and Barnes," Tony begins, folding his arms across his chest. "A match made in heaven."

"Shut up," You reply with a dry laugh. "You know how it goes."

"Mhm," He replies just as his agent calls him over. "Well, this was fun. See you at the premier - bringing your boyfriend?"

"Maybe," You say with a shrug. "If the overlords want me too."

"Y'know, it's a shame," He says, taking a step closer to you. "I was kinda hoping we'd have a sexy scandal of our own."

With a smirk, you tilt your head. "And all it takes is a little boyfriend to stop you from trying?" You ask him teasingly.

Tony places a hand on your waist which he squeezes briefly. "I'll see you at the premier, honey," He says before shooting you a wink and walking away.

And, perhaps if you weren't so exhausted, you'd have noticed the look on one of the lingering journalist's face on the other side of the room as they watched your interaction with Tony.

definitely gonna be a slow burn, this one. although it's taking all my will power not to make them immediately fall in love !!! hope you liked <3

buy me a kofi <3

to make sure you know when i update, follow @kinanabinksupdates and turn on notifications x

[barnesmunsonlover14]

So good loving the slow burn 🔥 and angst😍😍❤️

[kinanabinks]

glad to hear that!!! 💋

[radiolightning]

In case anyone is having a bad night:

Here is the fudgiest brownie in a mug recipe I’ve found

Here are some fun sites

Here is a master post of Adventure Time episodes and comics

Here is a master post of movies including Disney and Studio Ghibli

Here is a master post of other master posts to TV shows and movies

*tucks you in with fuzzy blanket* *pats your head*

You’ll be okay, friend <3

[meanwolfs-remade-deactivated201]

i will reblog this everytime it shows up because any of my followers could have a bad night right now

[becausewhatiam-iswhatimnot]

All these links, besides the first, are broken. So here’s some more.

Here’s an emergency compliment

Here you can play 2048

Here’s a playlist of Bob ross

Here’s a website to watch movie’s and shows for free

Here’s a website to watch documentaries for free

Here you can to nothing for two minutes

Here you can break something. It’s good for anger

Here’s a button to press to make everything okay

Here’s a site to cut something up (TRIGGER WARNING)

Here’s a site that makes you a website depending on a song you choose

Here’s a gay comic. It’s adorable

Here you can spend Bill Gate’s money

Here you can draw your own island

Here you can learn about patterns website’s use

Here you can get your life stats

Here you can listen to the Tucker Zone (Headphones needed)

Here you can see how fast you’re moving

Here you can see the progress of time

Here you can see the future of the universe 

[becausewhatiam-iswhatimnot]

Want some more? 

Here’s the butterfly project

Here’s a snickerdoodle mug cake

Here’s a link to some free audiobooks

Here’s something to read when you feel like a burden

Here’s a secret

Here’s my playlist of some sea shanties 

Here’s another secret

Here’s a link to some cool websites 

Here’s a blog that gives you recipes for when you’re low on spoons

Here’s some Brony Headcanon’s

[becausewhatiam-iswhatimnot]

Some more? I’ve got plenty

Here’s 100,000 stars

Here you can control the weather (TW FLASHING IMAGES)

Here you can weave silk

Here you can make a castle of your own

Here you can make a kaleidoscope drawing

Here you can explore recursion

Here you can play a jelly block game

[becausewhatiam-iswhatimnot]

I’m back with some more! 

Here you can draw with pasta

Here you can draw logo’s from memory

Here you can play this is sand, here you draw cool sand designs

Here you can play The Organ Trail

Here’s a customizable white noise website

Here you can simulate gravity

Here you can create your own guardian of the galaxy

Here you can make your own galaxy

Here’s a website you can get some support at.

[becausewhatiam-iswhatimnot]

to find later

[astralflower-writes]

heart like yours

☾ pairing: mark sloan x female! reader

☾ genre: angst

☾ warnings: season 9 spoilers; death

☾ read the prequel here

☾ check out the grey’s anatomy masterlist here

☾ a/n: i moved accounts so im posting it again here

you and your colleagues were sitting and waiting on the conference room for a week now. waiting for a call that the team of doctors who were going to fly to boise are finally found.

countless thoughts were running in your head. are they all fine?

you were trying to hold off surgeries that you can, thinking that in every second you can get stuck inside an OR the rescue team would call.

Keep reading

[virgoasf]

[curlsandstems]

I need this.

[poni1kenobi-deactivated20250915]

Reblogged last year, hoping it comes this year

[hiddenmangaka]

🎄🎁🎅🏼

[catchymemes]

[infinitydivine]

I am not taking a risk

[darlingsstern]

Not risking it pals

[doralimasstuff]

U know what I want potato of luck

[shrewreadings]

Damn right I’m reblogging. See previous post re wrath of whatever from high atop the thing.

[musette22]

An Evanstan hug in 2024?? Yeah 🥹❤️

[jiarkives]

wanting was enough

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ summary — wanting was enough. for steve, it was enough.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ character — steve rogers (marvel)

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ content — angst ; steve’s pov to this

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ notes — timeline? we don’t know her 🤪 for the sake of the plot, bucky was found after eg and no one died ,,, also i hope this makes sense because i am like half asleep as i am writing this

~

Steve Rogers had always loved and will always love Margaret ‘Peggy’ Carter. For him, no one will ever compare to who she was as a soldier, as a woman, and as the one who held his heart. Or so he thought until he was pulled out of the ice and was thrusted into the world he knew nothing about, until he met you.

You were a rookie agent when Steve was pulled out of the ice and when he woke, Nick Fury assigned you your first mission—to help Captain America get back on his feet and adjust to his new world.

You and Steve didn’t hit it off immediately. In fact, you got off on the wrong foot. With your wits contradicting each other’s, and your smart mouth, you were bound to disagree. You would bicker at every waking hour you spent together, but he would be an absolute angel to everyone else, fueling your irritation further and so you gave the same energy back, maybe even more.

You directed all your anger onto him. At every moment, you were ready to reply with something snarky. You were always short with him, but you were the opposite to everybody else. In your head, you were giving him a dose of his own medicine.

And he let you because in his head, that was better. Your distance was so much better, not because he despised you, but because he saw her in you.

He saw her in the way you moved, the way you handled yourself with confidence and strength, the way you put deserving people in their places. But then as if a bucket of cold water was dumped on him and he realized.

He realized that everything was different, that she was gone. And for the first time, he saw you, and it just became so much worse because you were here, you were real, you were alive. You were someone he could hurt.

Then, not even a year after he was assigned to you, Fury reassigned you another mission, and the both of you were internally grateful. You were grateful to have been given a break from his insufferable ass, and he was grateful to have been distanced from you before his heart positively combusted.

Months passed right before his eyes and before he knew it, it was 2012. Fury sought him out for the Avengers Initiative and once again, he was Captain America.

With the shit that had gone down since he became an Avenger, he was always almost too busy to let his mind wander to you. Then, he found out that Peggy was alive. She was in this world and all of a sudden, he felt he had something to hold on to when the world moved too fast. And with his mind occupied with Peggy, you were almost completely wiped from his mind.

Then Peggy died and his world crumbled around him. He had seen it coming for a while. With Peggy’s age, he knew it was bound to happen sooner than later, but it was still a pain he never imagined.

Almost immediately after her death, the accords happened and faster than he could even blink, he was a fugitive, an enemy of the state. Everything went to shit after Peggy’s death and he felt as if he lost control over his own life.

Then you sought him out and took him in. You weren’t an Avenger, so you weren’t included in the whole mess in Germany, but you were still an agent of SHIELD.

You gave him shelter when he was on the run despite your connection to SHIELD. You were ready to throw everything away for him despite your history.

And during his time on the down low, your feelings started to bloom, seeing him in a new light, seeing him, not as Captain America, but as Steve, the scrawny boy from Brooklyn who wanted to kick bullies’ asses, but always ended up getting his ass kicked. But neither of you acted on your feelings.

Then all of a sudden, he was being whisked away because apparently, a titan from another planet was planning a universal genocide. They fought, but were unsuccessful.

Half of the world was wiped away and the first thing he thought to do after the battle was to seek you out, so he did. But you weren’t there. You weren’t in your own home and the only thing left of you was the pile of sand on your kitchen floor and a mixing bowl next to it.

Despite half of the world’s population being gone, it felt as if the world was moving too fast. Or maybe it was the grief slowing him down. Maybe it was both, but before he even realized, five years had passed and they were all presented a chance at getting half the world back, courtesy of Scott Lang.

With a lot of hiccups and injuries, but thankfully no deaths, they were able to get the world back and the titan was gone. Truly gone.

After the battle, Steve didn’t even wait until he was fully recovered to seek you out, and there you were in your house, coping with the fact that you have just lost five years of your life, despite feeling like you have only been gone for no longer than a minute.

He had barged into your home, looking you over before kissing the life out of you and there, something had bloomed.

At first, he was almost ecstatic at the thought that you were finally in his arms safe, sound, and alive. Then, he was scared. You were alive. You were someone the world could take away from him. You were someone he could hurt, and so he kept you a secret. He didn’t want to risk the world finding out about Captain America’s weakness and ultimately using you against him.

To his relief, you agreed to be his dirty little secret. It was fair, he thought. You got to keep your relationship with him and he got to keep you safe.

But it didn’t ease his fear. Despite the world not knowing about you and him, he was still scared. You were still with him and he could still hurt you, unlike Peggy, darling, dearest, dead Peggy.

And so unknowingly, he was pulling away from you and slowly holding on to the memories of Peggy, the memories of the world he knew before everything went to shit.

He knew damn well it was gone, that it didn’t exist anymore, but if it wasn’t real, if it wasn’t here, if it wasn’t alive, then he couldn’t fuck it up. The world wouldn’t be able to take it away from him because it was gone.

But you noticed, of course you did, and he didn’t expect anything less. You were a smart woman, his smart woman, and he knew you would catch on, but he didn’t expect you to confront him right after that mission. The mission where he found out that Bucky was alive, but he wasn’t his Bucky anymore. He was turned into one of HYDRA’s greatest weapon and he was taken because he was someone to Steve Rogers, he was someone to Captain America.

But he was there, he was real, he was alive, just like you are. And like Bucky, you could be taken away and used against him, and he wouldn’t know what he’d do if that ever happens, so he pushed you away. He told you lies. He held onto the memories of Peggy like a lifeline in hopes of keeping himself sane as he watched the best thing that ever happened to him crumble right before his eyes.

He watched as you left, unknowingly taking his heart with you.

In your head, his heart was buried with Peggy, completely unaware of the fact that you had taken his heart as you left.