stretchy bois

a collection of quotes we hear throughout the schoolday

[thecomedybagel]

power move: don't fall asleep and you won't have to wake up in the morning.

[thecomedybagel]

me: is having a good day

my anxiety:

[thecomedybagel]

held the door for someone today. he said thanks. I said thanks. I said, 'why did I say thanks'. we laughed awkwardly. I hope I never see him again.

[thecomedybagel]

power move: when stopping at a red light, don't break eye contact with the person beside you. stare at them. just to screw with them a little. :-)

[thecomedybagel]

yes, the bags under my eyes ARE a part of the look

[thecomedybagel]

some days, life yeets me and I just let it

[thecomedybagel]

this one time I walked into Honors Chem and there were bottles of bubbles at every table, & our teacher just said "yeah y'all seemed stressed, so just don't worry about class, go blow some bubbles." & I still appreciate that.

[srslynotpsycho]

my principal, very seriously: I just ate a gnat. I'm gonna go kill myself.

[srslynotpsycho]

this was meant to go on my side blog so I might just follow suit

[stretchy-bois]

hey it's me again. I've done this thrice in a row. please help

[stretchy-bois]

(over the phone)

"If I die, you get my dead basil. but the dead cilantro goes to Michael."

[stretchy-bois]

my sister was reading riddles to the kids we're babysitting:

sister: what can be swallowed, but can swallow you?

10 year old, expressionless: debt.

[stretchy-bois]

my mom, dumping chocolate syrup on a pint of ice cream: I'm TOTALLY gonna eat grits right after this

[stretchy-bois]

*stirring noodles*

*whispers* this is what pussy sounds like

[stretchy-bois]

"we never use the notepad when we play Clue bc, well, what if someone comes over and we want to treat them like royalty?"

[stretchy-bois]

"pick a number between 1 and 1,000."

"WAIT NO I CANT THINK THAT HIGH"

[stretchy-bois]

"sitting on 2 chairs at once is like ASMR for my sweaty butt crack."

art class

[thecomedybagel]

~the text I just got from my sister

[stretchy-bois]

"HOW CAN YOU JUST IGNORE A SHIP NAME THAT DOUBLES AS A MISSPELLED PROCESSED MEAT?!?!"

my friend's reply to hearing that Tony and Pepper's ship name is 'Pepperony'