Strong Enough

For all the times you don't feel strong enough, this is my journey and my thoughts.

[strong-enough]

Purpose

I originally started this blog so I could talk about overcoming my struggle with depression. but I think I may have lost it. On the outside I am still functional. I am going to work. Attending my classes. Doing my homework. But I have never wanted to end my life more than I do today, and it has only been getting worse as time goes on. Yesterday I wrote my suicide note. I mentioned it to people. They thought I was joking. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I seem to have lost all purpose. I don’t even know if I want to die. I just know I don’t want to exist. I thought about simply running away. Starting all over again in a new life. But I fear that would cause me more issues. It would do more harm than good. But honestly, I am not afraid of death like I used to be. I am still concerned as to what happens after, but that’s not the same thing. Recently it’s like nobody has cared about what I’m going through. Even when I tell people about it, they like to compare it to what they are going through as if it is some sort of competition. I’m done competing about who has it hardest. I am done fighting for anything. for everything. i’m just done.

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[roofbeams-deactivated20180202]

the moral of hamlet is don’t ever try to go home and resolve conflicts with yr family just stay at college and do gay shit w ur friends

[legoloveletters]

As an English teacher I am qualified to tell you this analysis is insightful and may be supported fully with textual evidence.

[jtbarnett]

Don’t worry. Tomorrow might be better.

J.T. Barnett (via jtbarnett)

[strong-enough]

Depression

Depression is something that many people do not understand; sometimes even the people who are experiencing it don’t know what is going on. There are a lot of things about depression that people just don’t get. For example, nobody just chooses to be depressed. One thing that has always bothered me is when people tell me to “choose to be happy.” If it was an option, than I am sure that depression as a whole would be wiped out, at least in most cases. Also, just because somebody is experiencing depression, it does not mean that they are sad all the time. As somebody who has struggled with depression on and off for many years, I know for a fact that a person can experience happiness while also being in the valley of their depression. Happiness isn’t taken away completely, it is just harder to come by, and even more difficult to keep. Much like many other mental illnesses, people try to insist that depression is not a real issue. When somebody wants to stay at home due to depression, they are normally looked down upon or coerced into going out anyway. This has always angered me, mostly because you would not do that to somebody who has the flu, would you? In my experience, depression can be just as life changing, if not more so, than physical illnesses.

I have no medical background, so none of this is factual per say, but from my experiences everything that I have stated above is true. I know that this is something a lot of people struggle with, and it is difficult to explain to loved ones exactly how you feel. Sometimes, it’s nice to just sit down and write out all your thoughts or read somebody else’s, so, that is what I did.

If you need any help or advice, feel free to contact me. I can’t promise to be much help, but I can promise to be there to listen.