This Witch Writes

moved to @this-witch-writes because this was a side blog and I wanted to follow people [she/they]

[uroko]

Daniel Řeřicha

[recurring-polynya]

"Just do as you're told," Mogget said firmly. "Think of yourself as Abhorsen's sworn sword-hand, if it makes you feel better, though in this present era, you'll find common sense is more important than honor. "Very well", Touchstone muttered, humbly. He stood up and put on the underclothes and shirt, but couldn't get the trousers past his heavily muscled thighs. "There's a kilt and leggings in one of the chests back there," Mogget said after watching Touchstone hopping around on one leg, the other trapped in too-tight leather."

if you, as an author, aren't introducing your male love interests like this, what are you even doing with your life?

(from Sabriel, by Garth Nix)

[somebogwitch]

Review of the Rivers of London audiobook

It's a bit longer than my usual TikToks but there was a lot to talk about.

[somebogwitch]

This is not a review.

In response to Irish far right groups targeting libraries.

[somebogwitch]

I started doing audiobook reviews on tiktok because I don't think people talk about them as a separate art form

[this-witch-writes]

It's endlessly fascinating to me that Robin in s3 is so convinced of Steve's douchery but her only examples are that he didn't talk to her (a girl in a different grade with no friends or activities in common who never spoke to him) and the fact he ate bagels in a way that annoyed her.

This isn't a criticism of Robin as a character (its super on brand for her) but it does raise far more questions about Steve’s high school actions and character than it answered. This was an outsider to the main narrative giving a perspective on Steve and so it surely should set the tone for the bully he has been working on reforming himself from, right? That’s his character arc… right?

Then why instead a story where Steve caused anyone harm is this a story about Steve minding his own business while a girl he’s never spoken to, who he shared one class ever with, blames him for the fact her straight crush isn’t interested in her? There are a million ways to demonstrate that Steve was privileged or self-centred or dismissive but this story didn’t really do that.

Which means that we’ve never really SEEN this version of Steve that apparently his ENTIRE CHARACTER ARC is about him growing away from. It’s just mentioned in passing.

I know what you’re thinking, “what about season one!?” But what did we see in season one? Steve has like two friends apparently? Maybe three if we count that Nicole girl who appeared for two seconds. His lunch table seems more gossipy than aggressive until the interactions with Jonathan, which started off as mostly Tommy until Jonathan took deeply creepy pictures in Steve’s bedroom window and he had a pretty normal reaction to that.

The worst of Steve that we see if while he think Nancy is cheating on him with Jonathan and he allows Tommy and Carol to talk him into the cinema thing and then provokes Jonathan into the fight in the alley. But this is a really specific set of events that it is unlikely has ever happened like that before. Also Steve doesn’t bring a gang of guys to jump Jonathan, he talks shit until Jonathan swings first and only with an audience of Tommy. Within like an hour of the fight, Steve already regrets it and goes over to a guy he doesn’t like, who just beat the shit out of him’s house to apologise.

So season 1 Steve is selfish, gossipy and shallow – sure. We see his obsession with being like and seeming normal (the thing he is least able to shake in future seasons) but we don’t see him antagonistic towards anyone. If his terrible past as high school asshole / bully was going to be central to his character arc… shouldn’t we see it somewhere?

[somebogwitch]

A summary of the issues with confusing a discussion of adaptation choices and a discussion of writing decisions in the new Shadow & Bones

[somebogwitch]

There are looks of serious issues in the slow collapse of twitter but the tragedy is that I'm really funny

[this-witch-writes]

Shadow & Bone (the show) is an interesting case study in modern book to screen adaptations and the influence of assumed fan reactions.

I was pretty forgiving of the decision to splice together the first five grishverse books in the show since the showrunners weren't willing to gamble on making audiences wait potentially 2 seasons to see fan favourite characters the Crows. It was a marketing more than a narrative decision but we all know how easily series can get cancelled after 1 season on streaming services even if they end on a cliff-hanger (most recently shows like Willow on Disney plus or The Bastard Son & the Devil Himself on Netflix)

So if we allow that decision is what is needed to have the show happens, it could be done in a way that worked with the themes of the books. A huge reoccurring theme in grishverse is that things and people are more interconnected than they realize. Often the reader knows things about characters that are never spoken aloud that shows they have connections or commonalities they don't even realize. But the show goes about this with a hamfisted lack of grace. All the characters announce their secrets constantly, their connections are all overt, clumsy and acknowledged aloud.

Still you could probably shrug that off as just the challenge of adaptation is not for the strange ending of season 2, where the two main characters of the original trilogy had their character arcs and themes completely inverted. It's hard to imagine why that would have happened except because the fandom had never been as invested in them as other characters.

But given that a season 3 seems guaranteed, I have no idea how they write their way out of this strange corner? It reminds me a lot of the final two seasons of Game of Thrones.

[somebogwitch]

I finished the latest two books of the series right before watching season 2 and that just added to the let down. The term fanservice is too often misused to be useful but I think there's definitely a term needed for when an adaptation has paid too much attention to fan works or conversations and it's weakened their ability to put their own coherent version together.

This kind of adaptation uses caricatures of the original characters because it doesn't trust the audience to be able to keep up and fans of the books will fill in the gaps in the shallow writing because they know what should be there.

[this-witch-writes]

^ yes

For me it's the core difference between something being a "transformative work" (to use the legal fanfiction title) and being a shortcut around writing properly.

Think of media interpretation a little like a game of telephone. Fans write about characters that interest them, pulling up key characteristics or tropes or images because it's an form of engagement with the text. But they're pulling it from the text and each other's conversations.

Trying to build something as complex as a multi-season tv show, using those conversations as much (if not more) than the text means that instead of a new, transformative work building on the first in interesting ways, you can end up with something that feels like a photocopy of photocopy, the quality going down each time.

Which is a pity because the show had so much potential, the casting was excellent, various set pieces looked beautiful, but the writing is letting it down.

[this-witch-writes]

people use the word kink when they just mean "experiencing attraction" lately and if I was to use anything to explain the ways that the internet and culture have somehow circled right back around through sexual liberation into puritanism again, that is ironically a great example

[this-witch-writes]

if you read serialized original fiction online, where do you read it?

I've been toying with Wattpad but I never liked it. Medium doesn't allow you to do multiple chapters of something and I love A03 but original work doesn't seem to really get any traction there.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

[this-witch-writes]

Shadow & Bone (the show) is an interesting case study in modern book to screen adaptations and the influence of assumed fan reactions.

I was pretty forgiving of the decision to splice together the first five grishverse books in the show since the showrunners weren't willing to gamble on making audiences wait potentially 2 seasons to see fan favourite characters the Crows. It was a marketing more than a narrative decision but we all know how easily series can get cancelled after 1 season on streaming services even if they end on a cliff-hanger (most recently shows like Willow on Disney plus or The Bastard Son & the Devil Himself on Netflix)

So if we allow that decision is what is needed to have the show happens, it could be done in a way that worked with the themes of the books. A huge reoccurring theme in grishverse is that things and people are more interconnected than they realize. Often the reader knows things about characters that are never spoken aloud that shows they have connections or commonalities they don't even realize. But the show goes about this with a hamfisted lack of grace. All the characters announce their secrets constantly, their connections are all overt, clumsy and acknowledged aloud.

Still you could probably shrug that off as just the challenge of adaptation is not for the strange ending of season 2, where the two main characters of the original trilogy had their character arcs and themes completely inverted. It's hard to imagine why that would have happened except because the fandom had never been as invested in them as other characters.

But given that a season 3 seems guaranteed, I have no idea how they write their way out of this strange corner? It reminds me a lot of the final two seasons of Game of Thrones.

[this-witch-writes]

Give Me Another Minute (to Lay Here in Your Echo) - an AFTG fic

Andrew’s version of events was grumbling at being woken, his idiot’s soft laugh, a kiss to his temple, falling back to sleep. It was Kevin’s alarm going off before Neil got back. It was making breakfast with still no sign of him. It was listening to Kevin complain about being late to the gym. It was the sound of the dial tone again and again as Neil didn’t answer even though he never went running without his phone these days. It was seeing blood on the sidewalk just a few yards from the Maserati. It was feeling the earth ripped out from under foot.

A year post-canon, when they thought they were safe, Neil goes missing for 8 days.

Read on AO3.

Day 8.

Andrew and Aaron are at odds again, Kevin wants to stretch his spine a little and Neil threatens to kill people.

-

Rating T+, No Warnings Apply. Chapters 8/9

Tags: post-canon, past abuse, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, canon typical violence, angst.



[this-witch-writes]

Most AFTG post-canon fics have Exy players being recruited for the US Olympic team after they've gone Pro. But until relatively recently most sports didn't send professional athletes to the Olympics at all, it was something you did early in your career before going on to make money.

The reason Kevin already had a spot on the US Court before his hand was broken in December 2005 was because nearly all sports at that time recruited Olympic squads from the amateur and varsity leagues (like the NCAA). Some sports, like boxing, still have this rule now.

The Olympics being held in the summer is convenient because many Olympic athletes are high school and university age (though this was not the reason it is held then).

I definitely knew this fact my whole life but for some reason never really considered it in relation to Exy until today...

[this-witch-writes]

Part 4 (Show Don't Tell)

Back to: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

‘Maybe you are a spoiled child!’ Eddie shouted, the blood was pounding in his ears so loudly that he almost didn’t hear the dialtone.

Steve had hung up.

Huffing in frustration, Eddie went to redial, Steve was not getting off that easy, but then he realised that he didn’t even know where he’d called from.

Eddie slammed the phone down and whirled around to rant at his uncle, who’d taken refuge in the kitchen, only for his breath to hitch painfully in his chest. Eddie hated crying, but it felt like his lungs had been shredded. He understood what Steve meant by “I couldn’t breathe”.

‘Ed?’ Wayne put up a calming hand out. ‘You need to walk that off before you talk?’

‘No, I just,’ he panted. ‘I have no idea what just happened.’

‘It got a bit heated there.’

‘No I mean.’ Eddie sobbed. ‘I think it’s really over. Apparently I’m lovely but I don’t love him.’

‘Not that he doesn’t love you then?’ Wayne clarified.

Eddie shook his head, some tears getting knocked loose into his hair. ‘It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because…’

‘Tell me what he said, son, let me help.’

‘You never say it. You smile and nod along and when I asked you, you acted like I was a spoiled child,’ Eddie echoed hoarsely trying to get it right.

‘That’s what we thought, no? He wanted you to say the words.’ Wayne graciously framed it as “we thought” and not “I said”.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ Eddie repeated. ‘It’s done. It’s fucking ruined anyway and he’s gone.’

‘Is that what you want?’ Wayne pressed.

‘It doesn’t matter what I want.’

His uncle looked sad, but understanding. ‘It does to me, Eddie, always has.’

‘But…’ his lips trembled. ‘What if I try and it still…’

‘If you try and it doesn’t work, you’ll recover,’ Wayne put an arm around his shaky shoulders. ‘You were brave enough to go back to that high school where they treated you bad, and again even after the Caver boy’s nonsense. You’re brave enough to give that silly boy another chance.’

‘I don’t know how to start. I don’t blame him for hanging up but I don’t know Robin’s number. I miss him already and I’m still mad,’ he admitted with a watery laugh.

‘Be mad,’ Wayne told him. ‘As long as it’s the kind of mad that makes you ask for better, not the kind that makes you act worse.’

‘When’d you get so poetic, old man?’ Eddie laughed properly that time. ‘Where was all this when I was writing my campaigns?’

Wayne shrugged, looking a little pleased with himself. ‘I got depths, kid, and you never asked.’

A bit of a pattern, Eddie realised. Goddammit.

In the end there was only one thing to do. He didn’t have the number for Robin’s dorm but it wasn’t hard to find Columbia university campus on a map. Wayne packed him into the van with snacks and one more pep talk then Eddie started to drive.

-

The day after the disastrous call with Eddie, Steve didn’t get out of Robin’s bed. She agreed to give him 24 hours to mope and cry in peace. Her roommate wasn’t thrilled about the surprise visit at first until she picked up enough context to express her sympathy to Robin’s heartbroken “gay best friend”.

‘I’ve never been anyone’s “gay best friend” before,’ Steve snorted.

‘I have,’ Robin teased. ‘It’s easy, I’ll show you the ropes.’

‘Well I was already halfway there.’

That morning he actually showered, did his hair properly and let Robin drag him to another trendy café for breakfast.

Steve didn’t want his broken heart to make him bitter about how at home Robin seemed in New York. It was like this anxious weight had been lifted off her shoulders that was only obvious when it was gone. Still, he was a little envious. He only ever felt that at home with…

Steve sighed into his coffee and Robin looked up with sympathy. ‘Want me to start listing his irritating habits? For one thing, he eats with his hands like an animal.’

‘He just really enjoys his food.’ Steve defended weakly.

‘He walked on tables in his shoes.’

‘He’s spontaneous.’

‘Steve.’ She glared, done with his shit.

Another sigh heaved its way from Steve’s chest. ‘The problem is that I’m not mad, just sad.’

‘Do you need help getting mad or do you just want to forget? We can do something fun? Have a distraction?’ Robin offered.

Steve shook his head. ‘I don’t want to forget how he was good to me for so long or pretend he awful when he wasn’t. He made me really happy and even if it’s over, I’m not over it yet.’

They walked the slow way back to campus, while Robin tried to convince Steve to finally, finally move out to New York. The answer had technically always been yes, but he’d been dragging his feet for months while he and Eddie saved their money. Just as they were arguing about the money side of things, Steve spotted some very familiar curls on a hunched figure sitting on the steps to Robin’s dorm building. Steve froze, his hands shaking, and Eddie looked up. He looked a bit the worse for wear too, with deep shadows under his eyes and his hair in a mess.

‘You’re not a spoiled child,’ Eddie blurted out as Steve reached him. ‘Your parents sucked too much to spoil you.’

Steve made a punched-out, incredulous noise and Robin groaned into her palms.

‘Did you seriously drive eleven hours cross country to remind me that parents didn’t love me?’ Steve gaped at him. ‘Because I definitely already knew that.’

‘No,’ Eddie grimaced, flushing with embarrassment. ‘I meant… I forget sometimes, that you still expect people to act and think like they do, that it was normal for you.’

‘God, You two suck at this,’ Robin groaned. ‘I’ll be over there if anyone needs an adult translator.’ She sat on the opposite side of the steps.

Eddie gave her outburst a grateful look which just added to Steve’s confusion. ‘I don’t think you’re like my parents?’ He offered, not sure where Eddie going with this.

‘But you assumed that me not saying those words meant the same thing as them not saying them?’ Eddie challenged gently. ‘Even though I didn’t act like them…’ he hesitated. ‘Right?’

‘Of course not,’ Steve huffed again. ‘No one’s ever been as good to me as you. That’s why it was so confusing.’

‘I’m sorry I didn’t say the words,’ Eddie whispered. ‘I thought I had. It might not mean the same thing to me, but I should have heard you asking.’

‘I’m sorry I ran off.’ Steve said for good measure. ‘And that I wasn’t clearer. I felt so ungrateful, asking for more, asking too much.’

‘It’s not too much, it’s just not how I normally think about love.’ Eddie shrugged. ‘It was easier for me to assume… well I’m used to not feeling good enough.’

‘You’re more than good enough, Eds,’ Steve stepped closer, reaching out nervously, not sure if were back to hugging yet. Luckily Eddie made the choice for both of them and pulled him close.

Steve squeezed Eddie so tight as Eddie practically melted into his arms, clearly exhausted beyond much more talking but he managed to murmur ‘I never want to make you feel like that again’ into the skin of Steve’s neck.

‘Me either,’ Steve agreed, kissing his temple.

Then they remembered that they were standing somewhere far too public to create this much of a scene.

‘I’m still a little mad at you,’ Eddie admitted quietly once they’d sat more calmly on the steps.

‘Me too,’ Steve said. ‘Don’t want to be though.’

Eddie smiled at that. ‘Wayne said it was alright to be mad, so long as it pushed us to be better not worse.’

‘I won’t argue with Wayne.’ Steve brushed their fingers together on the stone step. ‘I want to be better at not taking you for granted, not assuming you’ll always read my mind,’ he bumped his shoulder. ‘Even if it feels like you can sometimes.’

‘I want you to never forget how much I love you,’ Eddie said plainly. As soon as he finally said it, Steve had no idea how he’d ever doubted.

‘There is no way you two disasters are staying in my room after that display,’ Robin called over, reminding them she was there and sending Steve’s cheeks scarlet with mortification.

‘I have motel,’ Eddie laughed. ‘Getting a room was cheaper than paying for just parking in this nightmare city.’

‘I think…’ Steve hesitated then decided that Eddie shouldn’t be the only brave one that day. ‘I think you’re going to like this nightmare city. I think we could both like it.’

Eddie blinked in surprise. ‘You still want to move together. You seemed nervous about even before the fight.’

‘I was,’ Steve laughed at himself. ‘Turns out you driving across the country so I didn’t throw us away matters even more than the words.’

‘So you don’t need me to say it?’ Eddie teased.

‘Maybe once more?’

Eddie leaned in close to whisper in his ear.

‘I love you, Steve Harrington.’

-

The end.

-

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.

[this-witch-writes]

Part 3 (Show Don't Tell)

back to: part 1, part 2

'Nothing's ever going to be good enough for his highness, is it?'

The words echoed in the small space. Steve got out of the van and knew he had to leave. He didn’t want to, he was a snotty crying mess  it, but over it, if he stayed in Hawkins begging to be loved any longer he would end up at the bottom the quarry by the fastest route.

It wasn’t like he had much to pack that he cared about. He didn’t care much about clothes beyond looking presentable. Two pairs of jeans, some shirts, and a pair shorts would last him until he planned his next move. It was the personal stuff that took time to pack. With the trunk of his car full, he left a message with Robin’s dorm roommate that he was driving out to New York and that he’d call her again from a motel along the way. He repeated the ‘no need to worry’ part of the message twice but he knew that she would worry anyway.

Steve drove for a few hours that night until he got to a motel so he’d be further away before he second guessed himself. He called Robin in the morning, once he was done pretending he could sleep, nervous about what she’d say. She’d never been sure about him dating Eddie. Robin had bonded with Eddie over the summer, Upside Down survivors and all that, but apparently she hadn’t liked the King of Freaks any better than King Steve back in high school. ‘Same macho social cliché bullshit, different dress code’ she’d said. She wasn’t sure Eddie and Steve were “compatible”.

So Steve dreaded the ‘I told you so’ even though he knew it wouldn’t come if she knew he was genuinely upset.

‘What’s wrong?’ Were the first words out of her mouth when she answered.

‘Me and Eddie broke up’ Steve sniffed. ‘I needed out of Hawkins so I’m driving to New York.’

‘You’re always welcome, dingus,’ Robin assured him. ‘Do I need to be mad at him?’

‘No?’ She scoffed at how unsure he sounded. ‘He didn’t, like, cheat or hurt me or anything.’

‘Jesus your bar is low, Steve-o.’

He laughed bitterly. ‘Right? Still asked too much though.’

‘Was it the “I love you” thing?’ Robin guessed. They’d talked about it over Christmas break. Even though Eddie had been lovely and attentive, Steve was still upset that he hadn’t said I love you back. Robin had told him to ask Eddie once the stress of the holidays passed.

‘Yeah. I finally asked him if he loved me and he acted like I asked him to run an errand on the moon. Bit my head off.’

‘Like actually angry?’ She was surprised, which was fair, it was out of character.

‘His exact words were “Nothing's ever going to be good enough for his highness, is it?”.’

‘Oh fuck that guy.’ Robin growled supportively. ‘Was there something going on? Were you fighting about something that made him think you were trying to pick a fight or something?’

‘No,’ Steve frowned. ‘Two minutes earlier everything had been perfect, that was kind of why I asked?’

‘I don’t get it.’

‘He acted like he loved me. He made me so fucking happy, Rob. But every time I said it, he just brushed it off, never acknowledged it at all, not even to say he needed time or something. He was being so sweet that it confused me so I asked and he snapped.’

‘You’ll be here by tonight right? We’ll talk more then.’ Then her voice went much softer than usual. ‘Sometimes we love someone, but that doesn’t mean we should stay with them, you know?  I love you, dingus, no matter what.’

Steve teared up. ‘Love you too.’

Was that so hard to say?

It was a long drive before Steve hit New York and got smuggled into Robin’s dorm room. Her roommate was nearly always with her boyfriend at night so wasn’t there to complain about Steve squashed into Robin’s twin bed with her. They didn’t talk that night, he was too tired. They don’t talk immediately the next day either. Steve lets Robin show him around Columbia, take him to trendy cafes and look at graffiti. Then they find a grotty diner and the whole story comes out. To Steve’s surprise, Robin’s first response was ‘you should call him.’

‘Wait I thought you didn’t want us together?’

‘I didn’t say that,’ she complained. ‘I said I wasn’t sure it would work out because you were too alike in some ways and too different in others, which like…’ a pointed silence took the place of an I Told You So.

‘Then why…?’

‘Because he’s still our friend and even if you guys breakup, he deserves a better goodbye than a weird cryptic note you wrote while panic crying.’ Robin wasn’t mincing words.

‘Harsh.’ He grumbled.

‘But true.’ Then she took him back to the dorm and sat him by the phone.

‘Hello?’ A deep voice answered, not Eddie. Dammit.

‘Hi Wayne,’ Steve croaked, awkward and shaking. ‘Is Eddie there?’

‘He is.’ Wayne’s voice was level. ‘He’s been pretty damn upset, Steve, and I do think I said something to you about that.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Steve’s too tired to point fingers. Eddie started it would just sound ridiculous anyway.

Wayne just sighed at the meagre come back and shouted for Eddie to come to the phone. Given the stern way Wayne had warned Steve not to hurt his nephew back in the fall, he had gotten out of their first post-breakup conversation pretty lightly. It still ached though.

‘Yeah?’ If Wayne’s voice had been carefully level, Eddie’s was roadkill flat.

‘Hey, Eds.’ Steve swallowed around the lump in his throat. ‘I’m sorry I just took off like that, it was childish. You deserved better.’

‘But not sorry you left?’ Eddie sounded wounded and small.

‘I couldn’t breathe, Eddie,’ Steve gasped, like speaking it made it true. ‘It hurt that you wouldn’t say it, but it hurt more that you acted like I was crazy for even thinking it.’

‘Why are you still acting like I don’t love you!?’ Eddie snapped back, frustrated to near anger.

‘Because I asked and you freaked out!’ Steve shouted back. ‘I practically had to bully you into admitting we were even in a committed relationship at all.’

‘I’ve been committed!’ Eddie snarled. ‘I might not care about labels as much as you, but I’m not the one who ran!’

‘Because I’ve already spent my whole life waiting for people I love to want to love me too.’

‘What more could I have done?’ Eddie sounded tired. ‘I’ve been there though the nightmares and the bad days. I took care of you and was honest with you and never forgot you hate mushrooms…’

‘And I’m so grateful, you did more than I would ever have asked for, I never said you weren’t lovely just that you didn’t love me.’

‘Why do you think that?!’

‘Because you never say it! I say it and you smile and nodded along and when I asked you, needed to hear it, you acted like I was a spoiled child asking for more cake!’

‘Maybe you are a spoiled child!’

Steve hung up. He couldn’t take it anymore. He slammed the receiver down and curled up on his side, sobbing. Robin had stepped awkwardly into the corridor to give him some privacy but could obviously hear enough to know when to rush back in.

‘I’m sorry, Steve,’ she hugged him tight. ‘Maybe I was wrong about calling… what do I know about relationships?’

‘No,’ he sniffed. ‘I needed to hear that. I needed to know it wasn’t just one silly thing, that something was really wrong.’

‘If you’re sure.’

‘I have to be now.’

-

Part 1, Part 2,

[this-witch-writes]

Show Don't Tell - Part 2

part 1

Eddie didn’t understand what had happened or how quickly it had happened. So they’d fought. He’d been upset, Steve had been upset, but they had argued before. They were both opinionated, stubborn, a little bitchy, it was what made them click in some ways. How could Steve just… leave? Eddie was supposed to be the one who ran away. He read the note dozens of times trying to find some secret clue to make it make sense.

No matter how many times he went over it though, Steve’s note just didn’t make sense. “I hope you find someone someday that you love as much I love you now” what the fuck? How was Steve still so convinced Eddie didn’t love him? Convinced enough to skip town? He was probably just visiting Robin. He was coming back, right? On the drive home Eddie told himself again and again that he was overreacting. Steve was upset, he skipped town to see Robin and when he got back Eddie could yell at him for a while and then they’d fix things. Even if he still wasn’t sure how. He’d figure that out when Steve got back.

Wayne knew something was wrong the second Eddie stepped foot in the trailer. Eddie didn’t have to say a word and his uncle was giving him that soft concerned look and pulling out two beers.

‘Anything I need to know, son?’ And wasn’t actually being understood such a relief?

He didn’t really want to rehash everything so he just handed Wayne the note and started in on his beer. Wayne’s eyebrows did a lot of work in his face and that he took a long drink too. ‘So you and Steve split?’ He asked cautiously. ‘I thought things were going okay?’

Eddie sat up. ‘What? No! Why?’

Wayne’s eyebrows did some more complicated movements. ‘On account of this Dear John note you just handed me, kid? Is there more to the story?’

‘We just fought, that’s all.’

‘I don’t want to tell you your business, Ed, but this seems like some fight.’

‘He’s been a bit insecure, I guess, since Robin went away to college and the kids are busy at school. I try to cheer him up and most of the time it works great.’

‘I know,’ Wayne smiled, just a little. ‘Boy always looks like you’re the first person to ever cook him a hot meal.’

Eddie winced. ‘I think I am, his folks…’ no more really needed to be said there. Wayne got it. ‘Then yesterday I ask if he’s okay and he actually asks if I even love him? Can you believe that?’

‘You?!’ It was gratifying that Wayne was as surprised as Eddie.

‘Right!?’

‘That seems a mite more than a bit insecure, Eds, you dote on Steve.’ Wayne frowned. ‘More going on with that boy than he lets on, I suppose. What did you say to that?’

A second wince. ‘Well I blew up a bit. It just hurt, you know? Feeling like nothing I did was good enough.’

‘I’m not saying you’re wrong,’ Wayne handed the note back and tapped a nail on the glass of his beer bottle. ‘But it seems like whatever has Steve so upset, is bigger than what you give him. You can’t buy nobody’s happiness, though I’m sure his daddy tried.’

‘Yeah…’ Eddie slumped against the side of the couch. ‘I know… but it wasn’t like that. I wasn’t just giving him some gas station bouquet and calling it romance, Wayne. I did everything I could to make him happy and…’ he sniffed. ‘I just feel like I don’t have anything left.’

‘If he comes back,’ Wayne waved down Eddie immediate argument that of course he was coming back and kept talking over him. ‘If he comes back and you decide that you want to fix it, you can have that conversation then. If you want him back.’

‘If!!’ Eddie nearly knocked his beer over with his flailing. ‘Of course I want him back. What are you talking about? It’s Steve!’

‘You deserve someone who tells you that your love is good enough, not someone who skips town. I feel for Steve, I do, but you’re my kid and I say you deserve better than that.’ He pointed to the note. ‘It’s not your fault if he didn’t believe you saying you loved him.’

That tripped Eddie up a little and once again words weren’t needed between him and his uncle. Wayne frowned deeper. ‘You did tell him, right Ed?’

‘Of course I did,’ Eddie huffed, trying to remember. ‘We just don’t say it all the time.’ His voice was losing confidence though. He could remember Steve saying it, back in November and a few times before Christmas. He remember kissing him and talking and being happy, but Eddie’s memories were sparkling and slippery with lovesickness. He brushed the doubt away. ‘It’s like you and me. We don’t need to say it like we have something to prove. Show don’t tell.’ Wayne didn’t seem convinced by that explanation, which annoyed Eddie a little. ‘We’re not telling each other we love each other every day, you think I don’t love you? You’ve always let me know in real ways not words.’

‘We don’t say it much, true,’ Wayne nodded. ‘But kid, you never needed me to.’

‘Right!’ Eddie gestured at him in vindication. ‘Exactly!’

Wayne didn’t look convinced again. ‘Did Steve need you to?’

‘He shouldn’t.’

‘That aint always how it works. Folks need different things, Ed. You gotta hear them when they ask.’

-

Other chapters: Part 1