been thinking about these photos since I rediscovered them a few days ago.
We were so young. We’d only been together a couple months. We’d just gotten vaccinated— I could finally be in his space without fear of transmitting or contracting a deadly disease. I’d accepted my offer to Barbados and would be leaving for four long months in a couple weeks. I didn’t think it would be as hard as it was— distance hasn’t been hard before him, after all— but that was Before.
And this is so clearly After.
I feel for the two of them. I really do. The next two years will bring so much struggle and sweetness. We haven’t broken up yet— I’d be thrilled to hear that. There have been dark times and difficult moments and he’s shown up every single time. Distance would happen again. You’d solo travel without him. He’d travel to see you. He’ll go without you, too. It’ll be okay. You’ll be happy for him and he’ll call you twice a day he’s so excited to share things with you. Crabs on the beach across the globe.
You’ll have had a ring picked out for almost a year. It’s frustrating. It’s still frustrating. I’m tired of waiting. I don’t give him enough credit, though. I never do.
My sweet love. What a gift the last few years have been. You’ve pressed colour into everything. I wouldn’t be the woman I am without you— you’ve shucked back these layers of insecurity and smallness over the years. I’m fully realised, now. I know who I am and what my purpose is. You haven’t given that to me, you’ve helped me unearth it and strengthen it. Blow the spark into a flicker into a flame. Stood beside me, behind me, squeezing my hand under the kitchen table the whole time. Isn’t certainty of being loved a beautiful thing? Look at all that we’ve accomplished with it.
What a brilliant, difficult, beautiful few years it’s been with you, my love.
