Lost But Learning @strugglingforaname - Tumblr Blog

pachucocholosychundos

“I crave your legs intertwined with mine, I crave nothing but you, in the most simplest of ways.”

—

lifeinpoetry

I sink until the mattress melts around me soft coffin open to the sunshine

I don’t want to die

I want to sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep until the day my skin is not so heavy

— Brian McGackin, from “In Case Of Death Tired But Not Ready,” In Case of Death

plum-jams-deactivated20200215

“Yesterday, I spent 60 dollars on groceries, took the bus home, carried both bags with two good arms back to my studio apartment and cooked myself dinner. You and I may have different definitions of a good day. This week, I paid my rent and my credit card bill, worked 60 hours between my two jobs, only saw the sun on my cigarette breaks and slept like a rock. Flossed in the morning, locked my door, and remembered to buy eggs. My mother is proud of me. It is not the kind of pride she brags about at the golf course. She doesn’t combat topics like, ”My daughter got into Yale” with, ”Oh yeah, my daughter remembered to buy eggs” But she is proud. See, she remembers what came before this. The weeks where I forgot how to use my muscles, how I would stay as silent as a thick fog for weeks. She thought each phone call from an unknown number was the notice of my suicide. These were the bad days. My life was a gift that I wanted to return. My head was a house of leaking faucets and burnt-out lightbulbs. Depression, is a good lover. So attentive; has this innate way of making everything about you. And it is easy to forget that your bedroom is not the world, That the dark shadows your pain casts is not mood-lighting. It is easier to stay in this abusive relationship than fix the problems it has created. Today, I slept in until 10, cleaned every dish I own, fought with the bank, took care of paperwork. You and I might have different definitions of adulthood. I don’t work for salary, I didn’t graduate from college, but I don’t speak for others anymore, and I don’t regret anything I can’t genuinely apologize for. And my mother is proud of me. I burned down a house of depression, I painted over murals of greyscale, and it was hard to rewrite my life into one I wanted to live But today, I want to live. I didn’t salivate over sharp knives, or envy the boy who tossed himself off the Brooklyn bridge. I just cleaned my bathroom, did the laundry, called my brother. Told him, “it was a good day.”

— Kait Rokowski, “A Good Day” (via oofpoetry)

Real talk: how the fuck does anyone afford therapy

bestofgentleearth

“I do not desire mediocre love. I want to drown in someone.”

— (via nostalgicnerd)

remanence-of-love

Plants make me happy so please enjoy these pictures of my cute happy babies.

#plants

strugglingforaname

Life

Life is a poem with no punctuation A failed rhyme scheme Yelled at the top of your lungs High speed and reverse At a pitch only Dolphins can hear So your fellow humans observe But only see what appears TO BE..! Self expression? A crisis? Pure panic? “Genius.”

You walk down the street With mini explosions Tornadoes and flowers Ballerinas and airports All swarming your head. “Strut of confidence. Perfection.”

You drive home. HONK. Geese honk. Lost wallet. I regret. “Glad you are home.”

School everyday. Did he look at me Square root of four hundred and three I’m prey Who are you Where will you be Where will I be What’s next He did look at me “How was your day?”

Before you sleep Explosions Implosions Dreams Nightmares Hurricanes Shitty random poems Fun Stress relief for the stressed Clothing…? “goodnight.”

A high speed hurricane Whipping through the air Unpredictable Random A mess A perfect mess Falling differently For different people Full of good and bad And all in between

It’s life. Simple as that.

geniusoflove

me trying to sound employable: i love effort.... and doing things. i love trying. working is the best. i love it when its hard, and bad

Dress Up

When we were little

We played dress up.

We put on clothes

And imagined being grown up.

We dressed like super heros and royalty,

Fairies and knights;

Using our imagination

In anyway that excites.

We also dressed like professionals:

Doctors and leaders,

Firefighters and artists,

Pilots and teachers.

When we get older

For job interviews we dress up.

We put on clothes

And still imagine being grown up.

We dress like professionals:

Like doctors and leaders,

Like firefighters and artists,

Like pilots and teachers.

For it is our time

To be who we want to be,

Using our imagination

We are completely free.

But still,

We look in the mirror.

They say we are ready,

But our future doesn't look any clearer.

Suddenly nothing is clear.

We lack direction.

In a limbo between past and future,

We still crave perfection.

We dress like professionals,

And we think of what's to come.

We dream about feeling,

Like the professionals we have become.

#poetry with maddie #older one but good one #I feel like such a failure lol #poetry

My counselor always told me that I had the right tools and that I didn't really need counseling and I think that's why I kept going.

If I have all of the tools I need, why is life still so paralyzing sometimes?

#i probably slept 20 out of the last 24 hours #but i also had a Dramamine yesterday and that knocks me out

soft-butch-cassidy

depression tips™

shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.

moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over.

put on clean, comfortable clothes.

put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.

drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink.

blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something.

make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.

go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.

cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.

astrologynshit

Reblog as much as you can

9unseelie

Absolutely helpful. I think I’ve done three or four of these things today, makes you feel better.

so-sorry-mom

I do a lot of these things to cope, very helpful post.

rowanstudiesspace-deactivated20

It’s not often you see depression tips that are actually useful on this hellsite, these are all good though. Also good things to do (depressed or not) if you’re feeling lethargic or can’t focus!

All I know

Long day

Will never end

In luck

Home to my best friend

Wine an chocolate

Lucky me

Gentle massage

Set me free

Neck kisses

Laugh a tad

Kiss you back