I think what really breaks me about catws Steve is, he's just... just trying so hard. So hard. In every respect. He's doing all he can to adapt and catch up, and he's so painfully aware of how Not Okay he is, and he's so fucking lonely and so desperate for the glimmer of a connection with another human being, and he just-- he wants to get better, see, he really honestly does, he just doesn't know how.
He's so haunted by his past, he sees his own ghost amongst the barracks of his old camp. You watch him ask a kind stranger, another survivor just like him, riddled with guilt just like him, how to move on, if it is in fact possible to move on at all, please god say that people can move on, say that it gets better than this, and it fucking hurts your soul.
Because there's this one thing from his past that Steve isn't prepared to let go of. The one miracle he cannot hope for, not even in this strange new world of aliens and magic and ancient gods turned flesh and bone. He aches with it all the time, and what he does to soothe that hurt is torture himself go sit in a museum where they keep the only tangible proof that the man Steve loved, the man he still loves, ever existed at all; and with it, too, the proof that Steve couldn't save him. That Steve failed him. That Steve will never get him back. And god is it any wonder that out of all the love songs he could have picked to bring home with him, he chose the one crooning about a tearful reunion with the love of your life as he finally, finally comes home to you? The one thing Steve can never have?
He fucking destroys me, man.
And then out of nowhere, life pipes up like Woops, my bad, babe! You don't gotta cling to the past anymore, I'm gonna bring the past all the way home to you! Literally! Like all the way to your apartment building!!, and it hands Steve the very thing he's been longing for since one snowy winter day in 1945, and Steve won't even realize what happened until LATER THAT SAME WEEK.
It's fucking nuts. It's appalling. And I love it, I love all of it. How marvel created THE love story and wrapped a romcom inside a tragedy inside a political thriller spy movie is beyond me, but they did it. Fuck.