student life sucks

Recording the thoughts of two students, living away from home.

[studentlifesucks]

Yes, student life sucks

when you don't know what you want to do in your life

when you have parents that push you all the time

when you feel you're useless

when you're all alone

when...

--

D.

[studentlifesucks]

I had a breakdown again.

I went to class and from the beginning of the day I was just feeling like shit for no reason. I noticed people looking and staring at me, noticed people looking at others and commenting, and when I looked over at them, I could see nothing but ugliness and malice and wickedness in their eyes. I just hated everyone today.

But most of all I'm feeling so so so alone. It's been so many years since I had a friend that I can do anything with, and not be intimidated by them and just feel like myself. I feel trapped by my own shyness, and lack of communication skills and self confidence. And I just feel so fucking weird compared to other people, I feel like I'm some sort of marginal, well, not exactly, like an outcast, someone who can't fit in.

But it's okay, I've been going through this for years, it's something that I'm used to. There are some days though that this loneliness overwhelms me. I guess it's one of those days. 

A.

[studentlifesucks]

My question is:

Can a woman have sex with a man and not feel affectionate-in love with-attached to him after? Is it possible? 

Meh...I'm sorry but I just wanted to post this somewhere that nobody will see it. 

D.

[studentlifesucks]

Yes.

I'm officialy fucked. Everything seems so complicated and I try to simplify these thoughts but nothing comes out. 

Please someone save me. I wish I was to leave tomorrow and not next week. Now, I have to suffer from this...Oh god it's so difficult to resist, there are so many reasons to do it and to not do it.

Ok, I'll give it a shot. I won't do it. I'll wait...

D.

[studentlifesucks]

I wish my parents let me be. Let me live my life calmly and like all 18-24 year-olds. I wish I had supportive and open-minded parents. I wish they had a better relationship or they were divorced. I wish my mum wouldn't be so controlling over me and my dad would let me do the things I want. It's not that I want to do something extreme. All I want is a little bit of freedom. Lâchez-moi les baskets! as the French say. It means to loosen the shoelaces, figuratively speaking it means to let me breath in my life. I am an adult and my parents still don't let me do the things I want because they control me financially. It's like a blackmail or something.

I'm really afraid that this summer is going to be a nightmare. I seriously consider this: whenever they won't let me sleep over my friend's house, I will take my keys and some cash tell them "see you tomorrow or after tomorrow, I don't know" and don't give a fuck. What are they gonna do to me? Huh? I'm sick and tired of this situation. 

Although...Concerning the sleeping at a friend's house: this can't happen all the time, I will be like a homeless person or something. I must find a better solution...

I'm pretty sure this whole post doesn't make any sense to anyone but me. But I can't stand this anymore. I want to scream. Nobody understands because everyone seems to have the kind of parents I want. They encourage them to go out, to have boyfriends, they help them, or at least they don't give a shit about their children because they're adults and they don't interfere. 

Umf. I want this summer to be a great summer. I want to spend quality time with my few friends and my boyfriend...I hope this time my parents will understand. It's their last chance. Hopefully, I'll be having a job after September and if they won't understand I'll stop talking to them on Skype every single day. That's it. I'll be finally independent. 

D.

[studentlifesucks]

I've thought about it

and my choses are :

1) to listen to  what my parents say to me,  follow what they want and think it's right for me.To try and finish my studies on a subject that I'm not interested in at all, torture myself for four more years, risk not getting any degree in the end. Even if I do get the law degree, I probably won't do anything related afterwards. Then study what I like.

2) Deny my family's wants and expectations, leave law school, go back to athens, study media or psychology, be close to my boyfriend, the dearest person to me right now,  risk ruining my relationship with my family members, maybe get kicked out - be more satisfied with what I'm studying, be with boyfriend, get shit from family.

3) ruin my health to pressure or force my family to let me transfer to preferred schools in athens.

athena.

[studentlifesucks]

just to give some more info about what I do in my life

I am also a law student and I too live away from home. 

The thing with me is that I don't like what I'm studying. The main reason I chose to attend law school was wanting to leave home and just be away from all the shit that's going on back in there. And it is ,indeed, amazing living on your own, minus the loneliness and the lack of support during tough times, and i' ve earned so much from it but I don't think I'll be able to finish and get my degree and I don't even want to struggle so much to get it, because it will be nothing to me in the end. It will be just a piece of paper symbolizing and reminding me of all the suffering I will have gone through by then, just that, nothing more because I don't intend nor am I suitable for working as anything law-related, and even if I did intend to or were suitable for it, then I doubt I'd find a job.

I know they way I was thinking back then was immature and careless, and so so so selfish, but can't I go back now? I know I'd rather study other subjects such as psychology or media, and I know I wont regret it as much, but for now I just want to leave. I'd return back to Athens, I'd abandon the privileges of living on my own because I don't want to be studying things that I don't like for 4 more years, I've already done my time in jailschool, no, thank you. 

The problem here are my parents who wont fucking let me because they think that having a Law degree will help me in the future. They simply don't understand that letting me be happy -now- and letting me fix a mistake I made because I was forced to choose what to do for the rest of my life when I was 17, that is the best they can do to make sure I'll be happy in ten, fifteen years.

Why is simple joy and a simple life such hard things to accomplish nowadays? Just let me live, damnit...

athena.

[studentlifesucks]

Talking about student life...Student life means studying but also partying, having one night stands, experiencing new stuff and things like that. Well, at least that's my point of view. Although I'm not into parties, I'm really into sex. Unfortunately I happen to have a long-distance relationship or something like that. That means that I don't get what I want when I want it. 

However there is someone here that just suggested that we had sex and I rejected him. OH GOD WHY? I feel awful. I want to have sex but I don't want to. There are many reasons and lots of thoughts in my head right now. I am not really sure you understand what I'm trying to tell but anyway.

And that's not the whole story...

D.

[studentlifesucks]

Meh.

It's funny how I made it through the year and changed my mind so many times. 

At first, I didn't like law school at all. It was out of question. I said I'll study something else. But no. My parents insisted in a mean way: "Ok, go on, choose whatever you like...Well you don't know what else to study, do you? So go to law school!". That simple.

Now, the first year is coming to an end and I just want to get my degree, then get a job and finally do what I want in my life. I'm not sure yet what it is that I want. I still have 3 more years to think about it.

I'm starting to actually like it as well. Ok, I don't love what I study but at least I'm a bit interested in some lessons and I find law studies somehow useful in life. 

I am not gonna lie, I didn't know what else to study. I thought it was to early for me to choose since I didn't have any experiences in life. Also, I didn't have a lot of choices. Oh, have I mentioned that I study abroad? And that I live all alone in a foreign country? Just did. That was -and still is- kind of hard for me. I had to choose between living with my parents, studying to a unversity after which there's no future and ACTUALLY HAVING FRIENDS TO GO OUT or living alone and far from everyone that I knew, studying law and not having a social life. Well, at least I can be optimistic about my social life. As time goes by, I think I could make some new friends. However, if I stayed with my parents there would be no hope of improvement. They would always argue and then my mom would behave to me really bad. I couldn't stand it anymore. So yeah, I prefer living alone now. 

Uhmm..What else? I should better go to sleep now and make another post someday soon. To be continued...

D.

[studentlifesucks]

You know what sucks?

Wanting to leave home and drop out of uni, but being too much of a fucking wuse to actually do anything remotely brave.

You know what also sucks? My life. I mean, I know there are many people out there struggling much more than I am, but I sometimes wish I were a spoiled, ignorant brat with no worries in the world, the kind of person that I could have easily turned into, but sadly, didn't.

Moreoften, I wish I had some sort of talent or skill that If I ever were kicked out of home, or left home, it would help in any possible way. “I am broke and homeless, but at least I know how to paint/ play the ukulele/ program/ etc”. But noooo, I am completely useless and skilless, hu-fucking-rray. Did I mention I curse way too much?

athena.