Untitled

[yidquotes]

‘Jesus is a Jew,’ is not the revelation that Christians seem to think it is. He was weighed and found wanting as the messiah and being Jewish didn’t help his case. He isn’t a ‘part’ of Judaism either. Jews don’t care about Jesus. They’ve never cared about Jesus and tagging Christian posts with Judaism isn’t going to convert anyone. It just means you don’t know enough about Judaism and are somehow under the impression that Jews can’t read their own damn book.

[stumblinthrulife]

Yes, Jesus was a Jew. So were about 100000 false prophets and messiahs in Judaism’s very long history. Did you have a point?

[captainimprobable]

PLEASE PLEASE LOOK AT THIS MY FRIEND JUST SENT IT TO ME AND IM YELLING

https://www.amazon.com/Decoration-Hashanah-Supplies-Atonement-Forgiveness/dp/B08DKD817G It’s a yom kippur “party” decoration.  this is one of the funniest things ive EVER SEEN

W H A T

Look at the description…please….

GOYIM I AM BEGGING YOU PLEASE STOP but also dont bc lowkey i wanna buy this

[stumblinthrulife]

  Also, WTF, there is a chanukiah in the Yom Kippur banner? But the random book with a star (a siddur, I guess?) means it doesn’t really work for Chanukah either?

And, “will be... welcomed at.... family reunion.” 

“Hey extended family, it’s so good to see you! Hope no one is hungry and everyone is ready to start apologizing to one another, because I hung a glittery sign that says “Yom Kippur.”

[whitesunlars]

Please remember when mourning Ruth Bader Ginsburg that alongside being a Supreme Court Justice and a feminist revolutionary, she was Jewish. Rest In Peace is not a Jewish sentiment. When thinking of her wish her a Jewish farewell: May her memory be a blessing.

[stumblinthrulife]

In Hebrew we say “זכר צדיק לברכה/ z’chor tzadik l’vracha” or “ז”צל/zt’l” often added to the name of the dead like a title, e.g. Ruth Bader Ginsburg zt’l.

[unpretty]

AND NOW

some bullshit about batman’s schedule

first off, sleep. i’m using this site as a source because i might as well. does anything on this site have any scientific backing whatsoever? who knows, who cares, it looks legit and that’s all that matters for comic book science. now: a lot of people like to attribute the “ultraman” sleep schedule to batman because then he only has to sleep two hours:

however i believe that this is goddamn stupid because then bruce wayne has to take naps constantly. and i mean constantly. the only way this schedule works is if you stick to it. the first time batman has to pull a shift longer than four hours he’s completely fucked. his sleep schedule is screwed. he’s got no room for error. even when things are going well everyone in his life is worried about him because he’s constantly sleeping and always tired what the fuck. like maybe he does this occasionally because Shit Has Gotten Real but generally fuck no, why.

here’s what i think is more reasonable, it’s the “everyman”:

this here is a schedule with some wiggle room. you can pare it down to about 4 hours which still leaves you 20 hours to do whatever the fuck, up to and including clown punching. occasional all-nighters won’t kill you too much, because all you’ve really got to do is get rid of one of those gaps and sleep straight through and you’re back in business. to an outsider it even probably looks like you slept the night. you went to bed, you slept, maybe you got up in the night because of insomnia but you came back to bed and you woke up in the morning like a normal person. being the guy who makes a habit of an afternoon siesta isn’t going to raise too many eyebrows, especially not when you’re an Eccentric Billionaire. “likes a nap after lunch” is the least suspicious thing a billionaire can do. or a poor person. or anyone.

so anyway when the fuck’s he gonna take his naps

for location purposes i am using detroit, mi, because fuck you that’s why

so step one: when is it nighttime. batmen are for nighttimes. batman only comes out during the day for emergencies, and we’re not looking at emergency scheduling right now. this is day-to-day batman operations. batperations. i’m using this site for info here. so here’s what day/night cycles look like in general (those weird fissures are daylight savings):

jun 18th you’ve barely got any nighttime at all. it’s 11-4 at best. dec 18th? TWELVE STRAIGHT HOURS. straight-up 6-6. I AM THE NIGHT AND I’M HUGE.

anyway this is so variable it’s fucking useless, jesus christ.

so let’s look at CRIME STATISTICS YAY.

according to this thing right here which probably has a better source but i don’t care, once you hit 3am there’s about jack shit happening because even criminals are fucking tired. according to this other thing, people are more likely to beat the shit out of each other when it’s hot and more likely to steal shit when it’s cold.

this infographic got cited earlier in a dead link in an article and includes dick-all about detroit so i’ll settle for chicago. gotham can be both detroit and chicago. it’s fake i do what i want. anyway aside from a weird spike at lunchtime most shootings happen after five but before midnight. assaults actually mostly happen during the day because that’s when you have to be around people and therefore that’s when you’ll punch a motherfucker. anyway i think we’ll have to assume that batman can’t be worrying about every single instance of a motherfucker getting punched in gotham and therefore does not account for it in his schedule.

robberies! once again the stats say 5pm-12 but it seems pretty likely that people are actually getting robbed while they’re at work and just reporting it when they get home and their shit is gone. still: ain’t shit happening after midnight. like a mogwai.

burgling, ham and otherwise: MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING DAY. can you believe that shit. batman have you considered a less nocturnal animal. still, there’s a lull again between 12-6am. with theft there’s a lull between 1am-9am but otherwise that’s another all-day thing.

basically night is when the least crimes happen, except for shootings. which. okay. that makes sense for batman. clearly he has a personal interest in singling out shootings as The Worst Crime.

SO WHEN DOES BATMAN PROBABLY SLEEP:

4:30-7:30am for one big sleep. six hours later he takes an afternoon nap at like 1:30, for twenty minutes. three hours and forty minutes later, it’s 5:30, time for another twenty minute nap. he’s in his office just sleeping at his desk. no one even notices. he looks like he’s reading this report REALLY intensely. his third nap is probably all over the place depending on the time of year. sometimes he probably opts to just sleep longer and take fewer naps.

GOD IT TOOK A LONG TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHEN JUSTICE SLEEPS.

anyway based on all that we can safely say that batmanning usually doesn’t get started until after 6pm, at the earliest, under ordinary circumstances when no one is trying to blow up the whole city. that seems like a monthly sort of a thing. maybe biweekly depending on if you mean twice a week or every two weeks. most of the time, though, dude has between 3am and 6pm (MINIMUM) to sleep and run a company and do whatever else. so that’s 15 hours, minus four hours of sleep - 11 hours of who gives a fuck, and that’s assuming a long night of batman. bruce wayne ain’t workin’ 8 hour days i guarantee that. here’s the ceo of ge trying to sound busy and sounding like he does fuck-all so yeah sure i totes believe bruce wayne could do that guy’s job and also fight crime.

(what i think about how wayne enterprises is structured and bruce’s function within it is a whole nother bullshit post but tl;dr privately-held multinational conglomerate with a wayne as chairman and ceo)

(i actually like to treat wayne enterprises as analogous to ge for most purposes and while i am well aware that there is little to no precedent for a privately-held company to be that fukken huge, do you know what else is unprecedented: a batman)

there are probably going to be some nights when bruce has to stay up late entertaining guests at fancy parties, but again those are probably more of a once-or-twice-a-month kind of thing. unfortunately, fancy party hours are - according to this totally bullshit excuse for research - also Peak Crime Times. but if crime peaks on weekends, maybe wednesdays are chill. can you imagine bruce wayne constantly throwing parties on wednesdays, like an asshole. “why wednesdays???” sensible people ask. “to annoy you, and you specifically” he says. it makes his parties more exclusive. who can party on a wednesday night. only the coolest motherfuckers in gotham, that’s who. like super-cool bruce wayne who definitely passed out drunk and isn’t taking his regularly scheduled old-man nap.

i feel like there was supposed to be a point to this post but i think it’s mostly that there are actually plenty of hours in the day for a person to be both batman and bruce wayne, if you assume he’s an overachieving asshole that only sleeps four hours and builds a careful schedule around gotham’s crime statistics.

[itswalky]

okay but when does alfred sleep

because i’m pretty sure alfred has two jobs:

be awake and available for Batman while Batman’s awake

be awake and handling shit for Batman while Batman’s asleep

so uh

yeah

have we ever seen alfred in a bed when he isn’t dying of Mr Freeze Disease 

[unpretty]

alfred sleeps whenever bruce isn’t actively doing something to keep him up with worry, which usually translates to ‘in the car’

[stumblinthrulife]

Alfred does not sleep. Also, he cleans the entire manor and the batcave and drives for Bruce and Batman and cooks for the family and serves as field medic and plans all events.

The real Batfamily secret is that they aren’t meta-free. Alfred has mpre powers than Superman.

[stumblinthrulife]

My cousins attend the Squirrel Hill Tree of Life Synagogue.

I have been there several times for family events.

My mom is currently at a meeting to decide if the one armed guard our shul has every week is enough security.

I am really not okay right now.

[stumblinthrulife]

Winter is coming! ...Eventually.

Between this and the fact that those cookies were totally Hamantashan, I think I’m going to like this show.

[thedreamingbutterfly]

You hear all these “you’re not a real fan unless” and it lists a hundred things, but I met a dude today who saw my Deadpool pin and asked what my favorite story arc was, and I explained that while I loved Deadpool, I was new to Marvel (I only really got into it a year and a half ago) and hadn’t been able to find a lot of the comics. Instead of making a face or a derogatory comment, he just offered to send me all the stuff he had. That is a true fan.

[prismatic-bell]

I told the guy at the comic shop when I went in for Black Widow that I’d seen a few Harley Quinn panels on Tumblr and thought it looked badass but didn’t know where to start because my entire involvement in DC fandom was watching the Batman cartoon as a kid. This guy sitting at one of the tables playing Yu-Gi-Oh, wearing a comic shirt and carrying a definitely-hardcore-fan amount of swag, spins around and goes “dude! You’ve never read DC? Check out the back issues wall. They’ve got all kinds of Harley Quinn.” He then proceeded to explain how “New 52″ was a spinoff, and had some split opinions in the fandom, but either continuity is good as long as you pick one and stay with it so you don’t get mixed on what’s going on. 

True fans love to see other people loving the stuff they love.

[thomas4th-deactivated20200823]

See how easy it is to be “that cool person who helped me get into X” instead of “that asshole who made me feel bad for not knowing everything about X”?

IT’S NOT EVEN DIFFICULT TO NOT BE A SHITLORD. YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE. And you never had one.

[stumblinthrulife]

You’re not a real fan unless:

1) The thought of other people enjoying what you love makes you happy

2) that’s it. That’s the only criteria

3) Why are you still reading?

4) Are you really that desperate to feel better than other people?

5) Fine.

6) Unless you’ve referred to yourself as a fan at least one (1) time

7) good enough?

[stumblinthrulife]

I just wrote a six page paper that basically boiled down to “this article was bad and its writer should feel bad.”

I am so happy right now.

[stumblinthrulife]

New rule: Any person or organization who shall use Nazi imagery or terminology in reference to a person or organization, real or fictional, who is not a literal Nazi (to include fiction offshoots or allies of the Nazi party, such as Hydra) shall be compelled to pay a fine of 10 (ten) dollars per image or comparison, to be payable to any organization which supports Holocaust education or the continued well-being of Holocaust survivors or their descendants.

The Jewish cabal has spoken; it is now law.

[neshamama]

hey friends, here’s maybe the most stunning bit of talmud there is.

bava metzia 59b

If a man made an oven out of separate coils [of clay, placing one upon another], then put sand between each of the coils [1] such an oven, R. Eliezer declared, is not susceptible to defilement, while the sages declared it susceptible. [2]

It is taught: On that day R. Eliezer brought forward every imaginable argument, but the Sages did not accept any of them. Finally he said to them: “If the Halakhah (religious law) is in accordance with me, let this carob tree prove it!” Sure enough the carob tree immediately uprooted itself and moved one hundred cubits, and some say 400 cubits, from its place. “No proof can be brought from a carob tree,” they retorted.

And again he said to them “If the Halakhah agrees with me, let the channel of water prove it!” Sure enough, the channel of water flowed backward. “No proof can be brought from a channel of water,” they rejoined.

Again he urged, “If the Halakhah agrees with me, let the walls of the house of study prove it!” Sure enough, the walls tilted as if to fall. But R. Joshua, rebuked the walls, saying, “When disciples of the wise are engaged in a halakhic dispute, what right have you to interfere?” Hence in deference to R. Joshua they did not fall and in deference to R. Eliezer they did not resume their upright position; they are still standing aslant.

Again R. Eliezer then said to the Sages, “If the Halakhah agrees with me, let it be proved from heaven.” Sure enough, a divine voice cried out, “Why do you dispute with R. Eliezer, with whom the Halakhah always agrees?” R. Joshua stood up and protested: “The Torah is not in heaven!” (Deut. 30:12). We pay no attention to a divine voice because long ago at Mount Sinai You wrote in your Torah at Mount Sinai, `After the majority must one incline’. (Ex. 23:2)“

R. Nathan met [the prophet] Elijah [3] and asked him, "What did the Holy One do at that moment?” Elijah: “He laughed [with joy], saying, ‘My children have defeated Me, My children have defeated Me.’”

Footnotes:

[1] Since each portion in itself is not a utensil, and the sand between the portions prevents the oven from being regarded as a single utensil, therefore, according to R. Eliezer, the oven is not liable to defilement. The sages, however, hold that the oven’s outer coating of mortar or cement unifies the coils so that the oven is liable to defilement.

[2] The oven discussed was the oven of Akhnai.

[3] It was believed that Elijah, who had never died, often appeared to the sages.

[stumblinthrulife]

This is actually a super important passage when you think about the role of the Talmud in Judaism: Most of these stories/discussions take place between the destruction of the Second Temple and the Roman exile, meaning that it was compiled post exile.

The Temple and homeland, aka the two things the entire culture was organized around, are gone. The Sanhedrin, aka the Jewish High Court, is gone. The Talmud is, to a pretty significant extent, the Rabbis scrambling to reorganize Judaism into something that could survive in exile. This passage is that Rabbis going, “look, we know that we might not always make exactly the ruling that was meant, but we need this majority rule thing for this to work, and we believe that God would appreciate that.”

[date-a-jew-suggestions]

Quick question. I'm Jewish and I was wondering if it's anti-Semitic to call say Judeo-Chritisian. I heard someone who isn't Jewish use this term and it bothered me.

Most people who use it don’t intend for it to be antisemitic, but I view it as a micr aggression because it inaccurately portrays our religion as being “similar to Christianity” or “christianity without Jesus” and that’s not true at all. It also lumps us in with our oppressors, which are Christians.

[entanglingbriars]

The term became prominent during the Cold War (although it existed before then) to emphasize the religious nature of American citizens (in contrast to the atheist Soviets). It inaccurately implies a unique relationship between Christianity and Judaism, excluding Islam and other Abrahamic religions. Abrahamic is the preferred term when discussing commonalities between Christianity, Judaism, and Islam or between any two of the three.

[stumblinthrulife]

The much bigger problem, to me, is that it almost always refers to something that is 100% Christian and 0% Jewish. Like, yeah, Christianity started out as a sect of Judaism, but that was 2000 years ago, and also early Christianity deliberately made itself less like Judaism and more like Paganism on a huge number of issues. So people will talk about “the Judeo-Christian God,” even though the two religions disagree on tons of aspects of what God is, and the things we agree on are things all monotheistic faiths agree on. Or there’s “the Judeo-Christian concept of redemption,” even though Christianity sees redemption as a gift from God humans never deserve and Judaism sees it as something you have to work your way to which are, you know, the opposite. Or, my favorite, that the US is a Judeo-Christian culture, which is why we celebrate Christian holidays and Jewish holidays to the exact same degree. 

I can think of exactly one way that the term could be used accurately: Referring to a book of the Old Testament/Hebrew Bible as a “Judeo-Christian holy book,” and even then you’d have to make sure you’re not talking about a translation/interpretation that Judaism utterly rejects (like, say, the binding of Isaac foreshadowing Jesus. Or anything about Jesus, really. If it mentions Jesus, Jews probably reject it.)

Honestly, it’s kind of impressive that you can have a term that is so completely wrong about Judaism, since there are only, like, five things that all Jews agree on, and “We are not Christians” is about three of them.

(The other two are “Everybody hates us” and “we should celebrate the fact that we’re still alive with food.)

And I know it might seem like we’re over-reacting, but Christianity has spent the past 2000 years trying to force us to so thoroughly abandon everything that makes us different from them until we utterly cease to exist, so erasing those differences is actually a big fucking deal.

tl;dr, this term is almost always inaccurate and, if you are using it inaccurately, there is about a 99.9% chance that you are being some degree of anti-Semitic.

[aka-maayan]

The Four Rabbis

i heard the best and most pure jewish joke of all time recently and i must share it with all of you:

Four rabbis are engaged in a heated theological argument. Three of the rabbis are convinced that their interpretation of a tractate of the mishnah is correct, while the fourth rabbi vehemently disagrees. after several hours of spirited debate, once the fourth rabbi realizes he’s getting nowhere, he decides to appeal to a higher authority.

“Oh g-d,” he prays, “I know that I’m right and they’re wrong, but they just won’t listen to me. Will you send them a sign to help me prove it?”

Just as soon as the Rabbi finishes praying, storm clouds gather above the four rabbis’ heads and a massive thunderclap sounds.

“Well?” says the fourth Rabbi, but the other three tell him it doesn’t mean anything, that storm clouds often form during this time of the day and thunder is a normal part of a storm.

So the fourth Rabbi prays again: “Oh G-d, it didn’t work, they don’t believe me! Can you send them a bigger sign?”

Not a second after the fourth Rabbi closes his mouth, the storm clouds begin to swirl together and a bolt of lightning shoots down and hits the ground directly next to where the rabbis are standing.

“Do you see?” cries the fourth rabbi. “That’s a sign from G-d that I’m right and you’re wrong!” But again the other three rabbis dismiss him, saying that obviously a lightning bolt doesn’t prove anything since they just heard thunder less than a minute ago and lightning is a natural part of a thunderstorm.

“Oh G-d!” cries the fourth Rabbi. “Still they don’t believe me! Please, G-d, send them a sign they can’t ignore!”

As soon as the fourth Rabbi finishes speaking, the clouds part, a ray of sunlight lands on the fourth Rabbi, and a deep, booming voice comes down from the sky, saying “HEEEEEEEEEEEE’S RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHTTT!”

“HA!” says the fourth Rabbi. “What do you have to say to THAT?”

The other three rabbis look at each other for a moment, then one of them shrugs and says, “okay, so now it’s 3 to 2.”

[aka-maayan]

Update: one of my mutuals indicates that this joke is loosely based on Bava Metzia 59b and is therefore Talmudic canon. Even better.

[stumblinthrulife]

About that Talmudic story: It ends with the majority looking up and going “Lo b’ashamaim hi” (literally, it is not in the Heavens, a quote from the Torah about Torah.)

Then there’s an epilogue where one of the Rabbis runs into Elijah (who mostly lives in Heaven but hangs out on Earth a lot) and asks him how G-d responded.

G-d started laughing and said, “My children have bested me.”

So, like, the story is hilarious, but it’s also a very real reflection on how Jews interact with the Torah.

[chalumot]

notes regarding Jewish textual tradition:

-our sacred texts include more than just the 5 books of the “old testament” 

-we don’t call it the old testament and please don’t call it that unless you’re referring to the christian use of it, when talking about the jewish torah use the term “hebrew scriptures” 

-torah = the 5 first books (genesis exodus leviticus deuteronomy numbers)  + the prophets and the writings (song of songs, psalms, etc)

-there is also Talmud (mishnah and gemara) which is where conversations by rabbis about how Jewish law should work were recorded (mishna) and further commented / debated on (gemara), and the law codes that later simplified and revised the talmud for better practical use (the shulchan aruch and mishne torah), sages’ commentaries on these law texts, and centuries of responsa to them. these texts are where you will find a lot of the rituals, observances, and rules that Jews follow (so for example the kosher laws, when we say what blessings, how we celebrate holidays, etc). so no, we do not participate in “old” testament ritual sacrifice and looking directly in there for how Jews live is a rather fruitless attempt. 

-sometimes the word “torah” can refer to talmud as well, it can refer to any study of holy texts. 

-responses and interpretations of Jewish law and scriptures goes on to this day

-Midrash is another type of important jewish texts which are basically poetic or interperative writings about the things in the torah/talmud/etc, comparable to parables, written by various jewish scholars to think through Jewish thought, history, religion, etc. not seen as binding legal texts but rather ways of thinking through torah/judaism. there are ancient published midrashim as well as modern ones. 

-Basically understand that Jewish textual tradition goes far beyond what you know of the Hebrew scriptures and “Jewish practice is just Christianity without the New Testament” is terribly inaccurate.

-The idea that “Jews just do ancient barbaric Old Testament rituals” is ages old antisemitic slander. 

non Jewish people are ok to reblog this because it is so often misunderstood

[ameliarating]

Very good but one correction -

Torah is the first five books of Hebrew Bible.

Tanakh is the first five books + the Prophets + the Writings. Basically, Tanakh is the Hebrew Bible/Hebrew scriptures. 

[stumblinthrulife]

Gunna have to correct you back.

Torah is the first five books... 

Except when you’re talking Written Torah vs. Oral Torah, in which case it’s the Hebrew Bible and the Talmud respectively.

Or when you’re talking more generally, in which case it could easily be a mishmash of Bible text and midrashic ideas

Or when the Torah itself uses the word, in which case it just means teaching and may actually refer to a single specific law or idea.

With so much consistency of language, is it any wonder that we’ve been debating this one set of texts for the past 3000 years?

[jewishmillennials]

How did you first learn about antisemitism?

Due to the sensitive nature of the things that are likely to be brought up, please do not reblog or comment if you are not Jewish.

[tikkunolamorgtfo]

I genuinely cannot remember a state of mind in which I didn’t know about it.

[buchergenuss32]

I have a memory of being lectured by the teacher in first grade before we were going out on a field trip, admonishing us to be on our best behavior out in public, because the goyim would take any excuse to kill us all, and none of us questioned it.

[libhobn]

I don’t remember a time before I was aware of it. I must have been around 4 or so.

[wombatking]

I barely knew I was Jewish until third grade, because my father was an avowed atheist and didn’t want religion in the home (my mother agreed, but returned to the faith and brought me with her after he died). I essentially found out when my third-grade teacher called me out in front of the entire class for not having ash on my forehead for Ash Wednesday, and then informed the class that I was culpable for killing Jesus.

[stumblinthrulife]

I have the same memory of being consistently told that we had to behave ‘cause the goyim were watching (My teachers didn’t say they would kill us, just that if we were badly behaved they would think that all Jewish children were badly behaved.)

I also remember my brothers always being told to wear hats when we went to baseball games so no one would see their Kippot.

Antisemitism isn’t something I learned about. I’m pretty sure I always knew it was there.

[tikkunolamorgtfo]

Oh, also: In Ashkenazi culture, it’s considered bad luck to name a child after a living relative, because there’s a fear that the Malakh Hamavet (Angel of Death) would get confused when coming for an older relative and take the child sharing their name instead. So, as a result, Ashkenazim are generally only named after deceased relatives. 

HOWEVER, this leads to an amazing Yiddish phrase for telling somebody to fuck off, which is: “May a baby be named after you.” 

[stumblinthrulife]

First off, Yiddish curses are the best.

But also, can we talk about how amazing the idea of the Malakh Hamavet getting confused by two people having the same name is?

(Side note, would that mean that the older relative wouldn’t die when they were supposed to? Or does a confused Malakh Hamavet just kill both people?

I’m asking for... a friend...)

[yidquotes]

Judaism is a communal faith. Judaism is not addressed to individuals. Nor is it addressed to humanity as a whole. G-d chose a people, a nation, and asked them at Mount Sinai to pledge themselves, not only to Him but also to one another. Emunah, that key word of Judaism, usually translated as “faith,” more properly means loyalty – to G-d, but also to the people He has chosen as the carriers of His mission, the witnesses to His presence. To be sure, Jews are sometimes exasperating. Rashi, commenting on Moses’ charge to his successor Joshua, says that he told him: “Know that they [the people you are about to lead] are troublesome and contentious.” But he also told him: “You are fortunate for you will have the privilege of leading the children of G-d Himself.” In this fundamental idea there is a measure of hope. To be sure, not all Jews today obey Jewish law. But many who do not, nevertheless identify with Israel and the Jewish people. They plead its case. They support its cause. When Israel suffers, they too feel pain. They are implicated in the fate of the people. They know only too well that “Israel at the present time are persecuted and oppressed, despised, harassed and overcome by afflictions” but they do not walk away. They may not be religiously observant, but they are loyal – and loyalty is an essential part (if only a part) of what Jewish faith is. From the negative, therefore, we can infer the positive: that a Jew who does not say “You” when Jews or Israel are under attack, but “Me,” has made a fundamental affirmation – to be part of a people, sharing in its responsibilities, identifying with its hopes and fears, celebrations and griefs. That is the covenant of fate and it still summons us today. - Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks

[stumblinthrulife]

My shul had a scholar in residence over the weekend, and he spoke Friday night about heresy on Judaism because there are a bunch of things (be a witness, be part of a minyan) that a heretic can’t do, and the conclusion we came to was that heresy is about deliberately separating yourself from the community. He literally brought in legal arguments from the past few decades that we can’t use the old standard (publicly violating Shabbas) because that used to mean that you were thumbing your nose at G-d, but now it’s way more common so it doesn’t have the same meaning.

[grandenchanterfiona]

Please tell me Magneto would be proud of me for having my Bat Mitzvah on Friday.

[rubecso]

[grandenchanterfiona]

<3 <3 <3 I’m dying

[janothar]

As tumblr’s foremost Magneto scholar, I must say that not only would he be proud of you, but Magneto visits every bar and bat mitzvah to be present at the continuation of the Jewish people. He hangs out in the back with Elijah.

[bipolar-bubbeleh]

“He hangs out in the back with Elijah.” well goddamn, give me some fuckin feels in the morning. i don’t even go here but the idea of magneto hanging with elijah at every bar/bat/b'nai mitzvah is feels. Also - they definitely get drunk and argue about which one of them is cuter.

[shiraglassman]

Hey, I’m going to a bat mitzvah tonight! Also, @rubecso, I love the meme you made. It’s so perfect.

[janothar]

Make sure to leave out a box of something made out of iron at the door! That will make sure Magneto protects the Bat Mitzvah from goyish trouble.

[phoukanamedpookie]

So at the next seder, do we have Magneto’s cup too, or does Magneto share Elijah’s cup with him?

[janothar]

I suppose that would be a minhag question (let’s make up new minhagim!) but the important part is, like, a box of screws for Magneto to use to stop goyim from causing trouble at the seder. If, someday, all Jewish seders are safe, he’ll start stopping Christian seders.

[stumblinthrulife]

Elijah really appreciates people who use glass/wood/ceramic/other non-metal cups, ‘cause it stops Magneto from jolting the cup every time he starts to drink and snickering when it spills.

Magneto is bit of a snob who only sips from the really nice wines, but they visit hundreds of thousands of homes, so they’re pretty drunk by the end of the night.