Mary

BPD, EDNOS, MDD vent

[stupidbpdb1tch]

I just hope that the day I die, my mom won't have the hypocrisy to cry and say it hurts that I'm gone.

[stupidbpdb1tch]

One year ago I set a date to be my last day alive. I chose two years just to give myself another opportunity to find something worth enough to live for... I tell myself everyday it's just another way my 'survival system' found to keep me alive a little bit more.

It's been a year, and I haven't found anything... Yet. Actually, I've just wanted to end it all already and not wait for another whole year... I'm genuinely sick and tired of life

[stupidbpdb1tch]

Today a girl died through euthanasia... 'Medical assisted suicide' as the news called it.

Seeing ppl judge and bringing to the table politics and religious arguments is quite... Exhausting.

First. Respect that choice, you have no idea what that person was going through to take that choice.

Second. Being so judgemental about it just shows how everyone is against suicide but cares nothing about mental health.

Humans will never stop being hypocrites towards mental health.

[stupidbpdb1tch]

If only I could tell my mom about what the psych ward's psychologist said to me.

Issues with food has a lot to do with mother issues since our moms are the first being to feed us. It's not a rule but it's - in fact - pretty common ppl (mostly girls) with mommy issues tend to end up developing a eating disorder.

But I know I can't tell her that. I know she will just act like I'm blaming her for everything and making her look like the worst mother ever, like... Of course mom... I'm starving but this is about you. It always is about you.

[stupidbpdb1tch]

I'm the problem. If I died everything would've been better

[stupidbpdb1tch]

I choose to believe my mom doesn't love me, because... if she did, why would she treat me like this?

[stupidbpdb1tch]

If it weren't for my bf I would've died two days ago. But I'm scared of him becoming my favorite person since I don't want to go to that bpd toxic trait with him... He'll need his space and I can't be codependent... But I just don't want to hate him ONLY because he couldn't text me back once...

[stupidbpdb1tch]

Been so depressed that it's been 4 days since the last time I ate something...

[bpdmutt]

being self-aware but still unable to change your own reactions is such a uniquely miserable experience

[a-hospital--for-souls]

"Suicide is selfish!" - stfu! Do you know what's selfish? Forcing someone to stay alive for others because other people don't want to deal with a loss.

[stupidbpdb1tch]

How pathetic am I... I had to ask my friends to tell me I'm important to them so I can feel I'm important to someone at least a little bit

[stupidbpdb1tch]

People think if they tell me that I won't have like a 'second life' or that I will just stop existing because there's nothing afterlife I'll stop wanting to kill myself...

It's not like all I want is to stop existing. Not like my mind is 24/7 full of thoughts about wishing I was never born... Are they really trying to stop me or actually encouraging me?

[stupidbpdb1tch]

Relapsed into cutting again. No matter how hard I try, I can't escape from my own mind

[stupidbpdb1tch]

I feel like I don't deserve anything good in my life

[stupidbpdb1tch]

On my way to practice but I'm feeling like I'm on the verge of a panic attack

[stupidbpdb1tch]

Didn't sleep, just had like 4 crises in a row

[stupidbpdb1tch]

Well... I had 7 crises yesterday in total ;-;

[stupidbpdb1tch]

Didn't sleep, just had like 4 crises in a row