PSA and a very late farewell
Logging back onto this account was done out of curiosity, a driving need to see if it still sparked a sense of nostalgia as I dedicated a significant amount of time into building a “character” and giving him cute little nuances while trying to stay within parameters I set of being respectful to the real person.
Yuji was never intended to be anything other than a fun little thing I did on the side, pay homage to the bright guitarist in a band I adored and pretend for a few minutes out of my day that I was something else.
This account was very helpful for me in my last year as a high school student, a lovely escape from the supposed drama of my pending adulthood and subsequent coping mechanism to deal with that was brought on after that.
I continued it as I moved onto my post-secondary schooling, and enjoyed having a creative outlet wherein I could really fall into the world I’d constructed for Yuji and act out how I thought he should be.
I won’t lie, I was invested in my poor little Yuji’s happiness, I put such an emphasis on finding him a partner who could help him through the ups and downs in a rather toxic bid to get him to feel “whole”. Significant others came and passed, and as did a whole slew of friends and influences who took part in shaping this little dork into who he became.
Becoming so invested was a mistake because I put so much of myself behind my faith in this character, I experienced the downs alongside Yuji.
There became a point I truly thought he was broken, battered so badly I envisioned even getting out of bed was an arduous task to him.
Mental health is very important, and since I was so caught up in trying to fix my little trouble maker I pushed aside my real-life feelings because I thought it easier to deal with the roleplay.
Stupid, I know.
I trucked on out of a sense of obligation because I had put years into this account and wished to see it through. I wanted to end on a high note, to pull Yuji from this downward spiral and into something I thought he deserved.
Happiness. Contentment with who he was as a person, and self-acceptance of his flaws. To not put such an emphasis on needing someone to make him feel worth something, and to learn that its okay to be alone with yourself.
He didn’t get to that point, and that is something I am regretful of.
I left, became distracted as university became too busy for me to ignore and slowly phased out of roleplaying so much instead to face the looming tasks of adulthood and what came next. So Yuji was left to nothing, stuck in the vicious cycle of “hurt people hurt people” and I gave him no second thought. Until today.
I’m not writing this to give some sob story about how RPing ruined my life or something, I still actually enjoy roleplay to this day. I adore having a creative outlet to get stress out, and of course, write down my ideas for whatever fandom catches my fancy.
Just without the asterisks. How I remained so illiterate so far into my schooling I will never know, but promise you all I only write roleplays in advanced literate formatting now or above.
I just wanted to close the final chapter on a book I started in 2012, to look back and celebrate the fact I made so many friends and lost some along the way.
To say thank you to those who helped shape my character into something I found so engaging, and to say it was wonderful to learn so much (good and bad) from the people who interacted with me.
Yuuji, Tomo, Leah, Yuh, Uru, and Kai.
You may never see this message, but thank you all especially for being present. For having a huge impact on who Yuji became, and for dedicating so much time to interacting with him.
He loved every single one of you, and in turn, I guess I have a soft spot for you too.
To everyone else, thank you for loving/hating/knowing Yuji. This dorky little derp will always have a special place in my heart, so I will not delete this blog, but I will state this will be the last time I ever log in.
TLDR;; Take care of yourselves, and remember mental health is the most important thing...and cheesecake is a very close second.
-Dante (yes, that is actually my real name.)
