The air in the theatre felt different, Davey noted. It felt a little thicker than usual, like when the beauties dusted up the room with their powders and perfumes. He coughed a bit and adjusted the school bag under his arm. Once his gaze landed on Medda his already tired legs seemed to pump a bit faster.
“Medda, you’ll never believe who I ran into yesterday”he said. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Over the thrumming of his heartbeat he could only see her lips moving.
“Pardon?”he panted, walking the extra few steps to place the texts on her desk.
“I asked who did you see?”she said. His heart pounded just that little bit faster as he thought of the lazy smirk that had graced his presence. It made his blood boil all the same. He walked over to his perching crate and found it had already been turned over. Huh. Peculiar. He allowed himself the luxury of a seat, lowering his long legs down and tucking his chin beneath his knees.
“Jack Kelly,”he finally said. Medda clicked her tongue and offered up a patient smile.
“Jack Kelly”she repeated, “The man of mystery. Now what is he doin’ back in town?”
“Your bet is as good as mine”he sighed, “I was just walking through the square and he caught me by surprise”
“Snuck up on ya?”she asked.
“Almost gave me a heart attack”he confirmed, running his hands over his face. “The way he was dressed...that stupid blue waistcoat I...it was like time had just stopped for a second. Felt like 1899.”
He heard the creek of her chair and heeled footsteps walking towards him. A warm hand on his shoulder had him melting into her side just like the first time. Just like the summer of 1899. He wrapped his arms around her waist and in a moment of blind judgment he buried his face into her satin dress.
Medda sighed and placed a hand on his cap. This is exactly what she was afraid of.
“I’m so sorry, sugar”she said, “it’s not always easy seeing people from our past”
“I thought I was fine”he mumbled, and finally pulled away from her with misty eyes. “I thought I had gotten over him years ago-“
“Let me stop you right there,”she said. “There is no right amount of time it takes for a heart to heal. Feelings aren’t like arithmetic or science, they’re not predictable. You can’t plug them into a neat little formula and get a conclusive answer. They’re messy and volatile and explosive and can make you feel like your whole world is on fire and there ain’t a drop of water in sight-“
“Then why do we feel them?”he choked out. “I-if it hurts so bad then...then why?”
“Because on the opposite side they’re beautiful and delicate and euphoric and...and so human. Loving is one of the only things that comes as naturally as eating and sleeping”she said.
“If it’s so natural then why...why didn’t he?”he asked. His arms wrapped around himself like a motherless child.
“Now I’m not here to make excuses for the boy”she said carefully, “but Jack...he..he wasn’t really used to love, ya know? Didn’t have folks to show him”
Davey nodded slowly. He supposed that makes sense. He sniffled and rubbed his arms to soothe himself. Too tired and now too cold to even feel the waves of hot embarrassment trying to embrace him.
“You don’t have to forgive him,”Medda said softly. “What Jack did was rotten, no matter what his reasoning was. You’re allowed to not forgive him”
Davey chuckled and felt another wave of watery laughter bubbling in his throat.
“How could I not forgive him, Medda?”he asked. “I love him”
“Do you love him, or do you love who you thought he was?”she asked. He frowned and dropped his hands to his thighs.
“I...I don’t know”
-
For the rest of day Davey found his mind wandering back to that exact question. The wise phrase has snowballed into something short and sweet. Did he love Jack?
Well he knows that he did. But did he still now? He groaned and struck a line through his second grammatical error. Why were feelings so complicated? It felt like rocket science—he scoffed and rolled his eyes. At least rocket science had definite answers. This was something he had to decide. Such a serious answer from the depths of his own mind. No years of research to back him up, no proven hypothesis, no textbooks to refer back to Incase he got lost.
It was simply up to him.
How could he do that all those years ago. How could he declare something so strong,so dangerous, and do it without a second thought? He knew it was natural—Medda was a trusted source on these matters—but now did he know? What was the defining moment? What ticked just the right way in his adolescent brain that proved what he felt was love? How does he know now? He slammed his pencil on his desk and a second later his forehead.
This was going to drive him insane. Do you love him, or do you love who you thought he was? He doesn’t know. One minute there’s memories of sitting on the rooftop,sharing a cola and kissing under the stars. The next all he can remember is feeling like his body was on fire and screaming with every ounce of his being. The memories switch between the two extremes until all he can do is screw his eyes shut and let out a muffled scream. He wanted to rip his brain out and pick at every individual memory until he had numerical data to come to his conclusion. He wanted to hold a survey for every newsie young and old that had seen their interactions. He wanted something tangible so these thoughts could finally go dormant and maybe just maybe die for good.
He just wanted to know.
Maybe if he knew where he stood this could finally rest. It felt so easy saying he loved him. It was second nature in thought and in practice, but why? Was it only easy because he’s been saying it for so long? What even was love at fifteen? Did he really love Jack or was he holding onto some weird amalgamation of admiration and pure horniness?
What did he even like about Jack-
“Davey!”Medda said, snapping her fingers. He jolted up in his chair and whirled around to see her standing in the doorway of his office.
“Huh?”he said intelligently. She clicked her teeth and pushed herself off the doorframe.
“That was the fifth time I’ve called you,”she said. “You’re thinking mighty hard about something”
“Im sorry”he winced, “I don’t think I’m all the way there right now”
“I wouldn’t expect anything else,”she sighed.
“Huh?”
“Go on and get out of here”she said waving a hand. “We’ll chalk up this lack of focus to the heat”
“Medda I couldn’t-”
“But you’re going to,”she said. “Go out there and have some fun. Sit under a tree and read one of them textbooks for school or somethin. You just gotta promise me one thing”
“Uh huh?”he hummed, he was already packing his things into his school bag.
“Don’t you go lookin for that boy.”she said. “If he finds you then so be it, but I swear if hear from anyone that you were lookin for him-”
“Uh huh”he nodded, pulling the bag over his shoulder. His fingers had been itching to sit down and tuck into one of his Descarte books for his philosophy class.
“David,”she said sharply.
“Yeah?”he said, with wide eyes.
“I need you to actually be listening”she said.
“Of course”
“Stay away from that boy,”she said slowly. “I know your brain is racing right now but don’t do anything rash lookin’ for answers. Alright?”
He hated being told what to do. Part of him wanted to do it just out of spite but from the look on Medda’s face one of them would be folding, and it wasn’t her. He sighed and nodded, hitching his bag higher on his shoulder.
“Alright, Medda. I promise.”
“Good”she smiled, “now come over here and give me a hug”
He laughed and walked over to him wrapping his arms around her shoulders and letting his chin rest on her head. She held him in a tight squeeze and rocked the two back and forth, similar to how he watched his own mother rock Les when they were kids.
“You’ve had a rough day,”she concluded. He barked a laugh and squeezed her a bit tighter.
“I’ve had a rough life”he said, “One bad day won’t kill me now”
She pulled away and gave his shoulders one last squeeze. “You’re too strong sometimes, sugar. Just because one bad day won’t kill you doesn’t mean the wound won’t run as deep.”
“Huh?”he said tilting his head.
“It’s okay to ask for help”she said. “Whether it’s me, or that sister of yours or even racecar-”
“Racetrack-”
“-that’s what I said.”she said. “It’s okay to let others take care of you”
He snorted to himself. The last time I let someone take care of me they got bored and left he thought. Instead he just nodded and grabbed his cap to place on his head.
Merry Christmas darling!! I hope you have a wonderful day filled with love, laughter and good cheer!!
Oh my goodness, thank you so much!! Maybe it’s the pms but this genuinely makes me want to cry🥺
The same goes to you and everyone who celebrates! If y’all don’t, happy holidays, I’ll catch you for kwanza and I’ll get ya next year for Chanukah❄️❄️❄️🌨☃️
Questions You Should Be Able To Answer For Any OTP
Coffee shop AU: Who is the barista, and who frequents the coffee shop?
Highschool/College AU: Who is the straight-A student, and who’s the backrow slacker?
Rivals to loves AU: Who takes their rivalry seriously, and who is half in it just to push the other’s buttons?
Enemies to lovers AU: Which one switches sides?
Soulmate AU: Who is eager to meet their soulmate? Who absolutely does not want to meet their soulmate?
Single parent AU: Which one is the single parent? (Alt. if they’re both single parents: Which one is open to starting a new relationship from the start? Which one is never planning on finding love again… Until they meet the other and are instantly smitten?)
Doctor AU: Which one is the longsuffering doctor? Which one is the patient?
Bodyguard AU: Who is the bodyguard? Who are they protecting? Which one is secretly pining for the other?
Pirate AU: Who is the pirate? Who is the member of the royal family who did not sign up for this?
Childhood best friends AU: Which one was super obviously in love with the other the whole time? Who was oblivious until they were older?
“You promised me he’d be here”Jack grumbled, perching on a turned over carton. It was still early in the day, the theatre wouldn’t be opening until that evening. The room was still dim with the velvet curtains still pulled across the windows. Medda put down her fountain pen and raised a brow at him.
“I didn’t promise you anything”she said, folding her arms
Jack huffed and kicked his foot out.“What do you mean on his own time”
“Jack, David is coming up on almost ten years of working for me,”she said evenly. “He started off doing most of my dirty work. Analyzing pieces,leadin’ rehearsals,doin wigs,costumes,learned to sew and even acted himself at times” she continued. “If anyone deserves to pick their working hours it’s him.”
“Well then can you tell me anything about him? Anything?”Jack sighed, running a hand through his hair. Medda’s eyes widened and she rose from her chair, planting her hands flat on her desk.
“This your first time back in town in years and you’re just here to prod me for information about a man—who wanted to give you everything if I do recall—and you went and blew it?”
“I-“
“No no no Jack Kelly, now you’ve got my blood boiling”She adjusted her robe and walked towards him. “Why do you think it’s right that you put that boy through hell and you can just waltz back in?”
“Through hell?”Jack scoffed. “that’s a laugh”
“And back!”Medda grunted, stomping her foot. “Poor David was already broken when you refused his proposal—just to add insult to injury you went and disappeared not soon after!”
Jack immediately shook his head. “Davey was-no that can’t be right”he mumbled, more to himself than anyone else. He remembers that night clear as day. No no they sat on the rooftop, he bought Davey a soda. He remembers so well because the moonlight had hit Davey’s face in a way that had him itching for a paintbrush. They had gone up there to fool around, just how they always did. And they did. Boy they did.
They had finished and Davey had Jack wrapped up in his arms, it felt warm and safe like it always did.
Then Davey had said two little words.
Marry me. It was a mere whisper, could’ve been chalked up to the breeze. But he heard it, mumbled into his hair. The warm breath barely brushed the shell of his ear.
It sent Jack into a panic.
He cringed thinking back on it. He had freaked out, worse than he wanted to. Worse than he ever intended to. He bolted up and asked Davey to repeat himself, begged him. And Davey did, with so much hope in his eyes, so much mirth in his smile. He tried to grab onto Jack’s hand but he flinched as if he’d been burned. Why would Davey want to get married and ruin what they had? He’s seen what marriage has done to people, his folks, Race’s folks. Random blokes in alleyways with a prostitute when you had just sold them a pape with their wife on their arm the day before. It was a pointless practice, why would you swear yourself to someone for forever when you couldn’t keep the promise? He didn’t do forever, he did one night, he did moments, forever wasn’t promised to anymore.
It was suffocating.
He...he asked Davey to leave. they got into it. And...
Now he remembers just how broken he was. Years of trying to wipe those shattered eyes from his mind and they come back full force. He could see him standing there, soft light illuminating his body, bloodshot hazel eyes and tear slicked cheeks. He remembers hearing him cry, remembers not caring. Throwing him a rag to clean himself off like...
Like an object.
Jack blinked rapidly. He reduced Davey to nothing but an object that day.
“Medda I fucked up”he said quickly. “I...I-“
“And it only took you nine years to figure that out”she said, shaking her head.
“You left cause you didn’t wanna face him, didn’t you? Didn’t want to deal with the consequences?”
He nodded. He hated that she was right. She walked over to the crate he was perched on and whacked him over the back of his head. He lurched forward with a groan.
“Now what did I tell you the first time you tried to pull something like this?”she said.
“I..nowhere will ever be the right place if I’m running away”he sighed.
“Exactly”she said, “and look at you right where you started! Jack Kelly I have been telling you from the first day I met you that playing with people's feelings is a dangerous game”
“I know but-“
“I told you that and you still went and did it”she seethed, “it was all a game to you, wasn’t it? Those people had feelings Jack. Feelings and lives and who knows how many hearts you’ve broken at this rate. Broken hearts are no game”
“I know but why are you telling me this!”he exclaimed, bunching his hands together. “I know! I know! I just—I already feel shitty why do you have to rub it in?”
“Because you may be one of my boys, but so is David”she said, “and what you did is something no one should ever do. You didn’t just break his heart, you never gave it back”
“I what-“
“Not to mention that from the little stunts you pulled, you made it so no other homosexual newsie would ever lay an eye on him. And it’s still in place today”
His stomach turned. “w-which means?-“
“-which means if David even wanted to find love, no other newsie would have him”she said, “playing games with love and attraction and feelings is never good Jack. Love may feel so light and airy but it should never be taken so lightly. You were a selfish selfish boy, you only thought about what you wanted, how you felt”
“I...how can I fix this?”he asked, “I wanna fix it”
“Leave him alone”
“What?”he spat.
“Walk your behind right back out of town and don’t look back”she said, “you’ve already taken so many years of his life, you don’t need more. And I don’t want you to give him hope either, David may be logical but that boy leads with his heart and even after so many lonely years, his heart still wants you”
“His heart can have me!”Jack said quickly, “please Medda I...help me...please”
“Don’t you get it, Jack?”she chuckled, her eyes were sad. “This is the price you pay when you play the game”
“Speak plainly for god sake!”he groaned, gripping at his hair. “Yer trippin me up!”
“There’s no fixing what you broke.”she said. “No way in hell if I’m honest, what you did to David is what happens to widowers after the loss of their spouse, they lose themselves. David hasn’t been right since what you did, when I say it broke him I mean it. He may still be smart and funny and tough as nails but his heart...it still needs to heal before you try anything”
“Then what do I do?”he stressed. “Medda I-I can’t just leave him alone, you don’t understand I-there’s-I want him so much—“
“I do understand,”she said, rolling her eyes. “How do you think David felt? You both felt the same things, just years apart”
“I need him, Medda,”he said. “I-I haven’t stopped thinking about him-it’s why I came back, Davey’s like my Santa Fe!”
“You should have told him that nine years ago”she mumbled.
“I was seventeen!”he shouted. “For god sake Medda I was young! What did you want me to do! I get it, I was young and stupid and an asshole, I know!”
“I’m glad you do”She said, “the theatre’s opening soon, I need you to be on your way”
“I-“he deflated, “can I come back tomorrow?”
She gave him a crooked smile. “You may piss me off but you’re always welcome to my theatre.”
“I’m not giving up on Davey,”he said.
“you should”she sighed, “but I know you won’t. We’ll talk , now out.”
“Med-“
“Shoo!”she said, ushering him towards the door.
Twenty minutes later, Davey walked in manuscript under his arm and puffed out.
“Medda, you’ll never believe who I ran into yesterday”
She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, “I could imagine”
hi so i’ve been doing really bad lately and i’m rlly stressed so i just wanna say thank you to some people that have made this whole thing a little more bearable, even though they probably didn’t realise it and some i never really talk with, but their fics cheer me up
@waitingformy-fanfiction theories of conflict is literally my comfort fic i’ve re-read it so many times when i’m upset it’s not even funny wodjslxj
@somedayonbroadway rping with you, your fics, or just talking to you in general rlly cheers me up
@manhatten-king ^ same for you. your wattpad fic had me in tears :,)
@wide-eyed--wonderer @prettyinlimegreenboots your fics literally make my day sodneldjs
@dylkntz ik we don’t talk much but the small interactions we have make me rlly happy and you’re amazing
@hey-op-just-kill-me ty for being rlly supportive- even if i take ages to respond wodjelxj
@sugarbutterbroadway your fics? perfect, your ocs? amazing, talking to you? makes me really happy hotel? trivago
@louisapennyfeather2021 you’re literally the best sibdsks idk what else to say you’re just amazing
i’m probably missing some people but that’s all i could think of rn sldnslkx
blakekathryn
areudirty
yousharknotpass
kianamaiart
pixelskylines
