Sinking⚓️

Suicidal thoughts and feelings roam here. Don't worry about it happening... Main:Linz-slay writing:dreamsofaparadox

[suicidal-paradise1]

“It’s a yearly tradition to get better and fall away then to shatter and be right back where I started just as lost & confused as before.”

8/9/21 03:27am

[i-wrotethisforme]

One of the hardest realizations to face is that someone you’ve invested a lot of time into isn’t the right one for you or isn’t who you thought. Because think about it like this: you’re painting a picture and you go out and you buy the expensive canvas and tons of paint, all different colors, and you spend years on this one painting, making sure everything’s perfect, fixing mistakes, adding and subtracting details, redoing and re-examining, and this painting is all you have to show for the past, say 6, years of your life because it’s what you’ve invested all your free time into and money and effort and tears and frustrations. And then to be faced with the decision to destroy it- no matter how mad it’s making you, even if it came out completely wrong- I just don’t think you could. And that’s why people stay in relationships with people that might not be the best for them. Because after spending 6 years on one painting, the thought of having to start from scratch on a blank canvas is more daunting and overwhelming and terrifying than having to look at a mediocre painting every day for the rest of your life.

[tullipsink]

“Losing you wasn’t just painful, it was fucking damaging also. It wasn’t me sitting down on a couch surrounded by my friends as we watched movies and ate food to try and forget you. It was me staying up at four in the morning because the thought of you was so fucking strong I couldn’t even close my eyes without seeing your face. It was me swallowing thickly and blinking back tears every time I was in public, the hole in my chest causing my breaths to come out shaky rather than normal. It was me laughing at things for no reason as my stomach turned because the urge of falling apart was getting stronger. It was me crying at random hours during the day and me not wanting to get up out of bed. It wasn’t just me staring blankly at your number, deciding wether or not if I should call you. It was me throwing my phone at the wall and breaking it, because I was drunk again and the thought of you ever changing your information terrified me. It was me deleting our conversations and regretting it because now I couldn’t know where we had went wrong. It fucking hurt, losing you had hurt and I wasn’t ever able to forget that kind of pain.”

— A.M.// getting over someone is horrible (via tullipsink)

[lostintheseass]

I’m broken beyond repair

[suicidal-paradise1]

“I want to love others loudly enough so that when its three in the morning and they can’t find anything good about themselves, they’ll hear me telling them everything I love about them. I want to love people the way I needed to be loved.”

— laceerainspoetry, The Ways I Will Love You (via wordsnquotes)

[suicidal-paradise1]

“I didn’t realize how alone I was until I was crying myself to sleep for the 10th night in a row and I was the only there to comfort me. I kept repeatedly saying “you’re okay.” and I realized how fucked up it was that i was the one comforting myself. I didn’t have anyone to call in the middle of the night to comfort me or to dry my tears. someone else is supposed to hold me and repeatedly tell me “you’re okay” but I don’t have anyone like that. that was the night i realized just how alone I truly was”

— Your secrets are safe here (via thesecretletter)

[thoughtkick]

“Sometimes, the strongest people in the morning are the people who cried all night.”

— Book of prosperity (via perfeqt)

[resqectable]

“I’m sorry that I can’t get out of bed, I’m sorry that my head’s always a mess.”

— Unknown (via thoughtkick)

[thoughtkick]

“All of us fight hidden, silent battles against not being good enough, not having enough and not belonging enough.”

— Brené Brown

[surqrised]

“She knew she was really sad, when she stopped loving the things she loved.”

— Unknown (via thoughtkick)

[surqrised]

“Stop thinking that other people are going to come and save you. You gotta save yourself.”

— Rae Earl (via thoughtkick)

[quotefeeling]

“Let someone love you the way you are - as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.”

— Mark Hack (via quotefeeling)

[quotefeeling]

“And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.”

— Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath (via resqectable)

[-little-miss-weird-]

[thoughtkick]

“And that’s how you go on. You lay laughter over the dark parts. The more dark parts, the more you have to laugh. With defiance, with abandon, with hysteria, any way you can.”

— Laini Taylor, Strange the Dreamer (via perfeqt)

[wordslaver]

You know that its okay to slow down a bit but if you do everything starts getting out of hand and everyone would move forward and you'd be left behind and you'll be back to square one where you're nothing and nobody values you nor your presence anymore. That's why it scares me.

[wordslaver]

Mood right now: Self isolating and then getting upset when you see your friends having fun without you and using this to validate the notion that nobody really needs you or will miss you if you’re gone.