Hello everyone, it’s been a long while. Sorry about three months of nothing. I’d like to give some life updates under the cut.
Firstly, I’ve been getting a bit better mentally and physically with the help of my therapist. I’ve had a lot of opinions on my own art, but I’m finally at a place where I can say that I’m comfortable with what I make. Quality might dip or not, but this relationship I have with drawing is getting healed, so I promise more art soon. I have plenty of stories and stuff to share. Thank you for all the love on my take of these disaster elves, it means a lot. Truly.
Secondly, I’m proud to say that I’ve accomplished a huge goal of mine, one I’ve had since I was barely a teenager, but a teenager who hated himself more than he hated the world: I got top surgery! I’ll be three months post-op on the 16th, so victory! I’ve felt so much happiness with my body since then. If you have any questions about top surgery and whatnot, let me know. I’ll be glad to tell you how my journey went.
Lastly, happy (late) New Life Festival, my fellow TES nerds. Today, the 4th, is my birthday. Unfortunately, I’m kind of celebrating it with some tears at the moment. I’ve never been great at making friends and stuff, nor have I been great with being a person that can hold my shit together, but that will be changed soon. I’ll be a better person for me.
Back to this blog. Right now, I’m at a loss as to what to post specifically. Do you have any suggestions for what I should show/make next?
If not, that’s okay! Tell me your favorite elder scrolls moment and/or running gag instead!
My favorite moment in the series will always be that moment in Skyrim where Lokir of Rorikstead got put down by the archers when he tried to run away from getting beheaded. I always find myself laughing at it whenever I do a new playthrough. There he goes!
My favorite running gag is the falling wizard joke. You know, Tarhiel, the guy who dies right before your eyes in Morrowind and then you steal his impeccable drip cause cool, free shit! You did that too, right? Steal it? And then, seeing ANOTHER wizard do the same shit in Skyrim’s Dragonborn DLC, like… it’s been 200 years and these fuck ass wand boys still can’t achieve anything! I know it appears again in ESO but I’m not touching that game with a ten foot pole.
Anyways, thanks for reading. Here’s to hoping that 2026 will be gentler on us.
Also, I despise Reddit for how much they hate Almalexia. God forbid women do anything.
Dreaded making a post like this but I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve had terrible opinions about my own art as I’ve wasted my life doing this rather than pursuing a skill that’ll actually help me. I’m not happy with any of it and I think I’m just gonna leave this blog. I ain’t doing good and I can’t even look at my drawings without feeling disgusted by them
Idk if I’ll keep this site up but if I do there’s not gonna be any new art. Sorry about that. I give up man
I appreciate the love but it’s so damn hard to keep waking up and knowing I’m an ‘artist’ without any talent. I’m just the ‘artist’ of the family. I barely have friends I can closely connect to. Trying to enter fandoms and groups to make friends just doesn’t go anywhere cause I can’t even commit to it. I’m literally that Arthur meme going “oh I’m a failure”
Sorry about the silence. Trying to fix my mental health + loaded with appointments. Hopefully by next month I should be good to go, I have a lot of things planned that I’d love to share.
I’m starting to find it hilarious (affectionately) that not only is non-binary Kagrenac a popular headcanon but also that it’s very important to give them at least some shade of purple
Queen Almalexia ☆ Alandro Sul ☆ Sotha Sil ☆ King Dumac ☆ Voryn Dagoth ☆ Vivec
Aka I’ve seen so many people described as his close companions, I’m convinced it’s an allegory atp.
Headcanons/Straight up fanfic about these relationships
Almalexia
I feel like her ruthless/soft duiality was there from the beginning, but she never showed the latter due to being afraid of any sort of vulnerability. I think maybe she was threatened by rumors of some upstart warrior preaching unity and organizing on her land and she might have even tried to kill him. I think then Nerevar would drop everything and march up to her castle dropping a blade of the assassin by her feet. Almalexia would ask "What else is a queen to do in a situation like this?" Maybe Nerevar says “A queen is to elect a general.” To which Almalexia would respond “It I would be scandalous to elevate and outsider to such a prestigious role.” Then Nerevar would go like “Then we’ll have to remedy that.” with bedroom eyes etc etc. I think maybe she was able to feel vulnerable around him for the first time, which scared her. Also possibly what here corruption spiral was about that she got from the tools. Something about expecting Nerevar to betray her first. And then later her motherly nature as a god is another mask on top of her ruthless self so she could be in total control.
Alandro Sul:
We do not know much about him but I suspect he met Nerevar when he was uniting the Ashlander tribes. I personally see one of the tribe tasks be something like defeating Alandro Sul in battle of honor, which proved his strength and resolve. I like to also think that like the claim that he was Azura's son is mainly because he was serving her to the very end, pursuing the tribunal after what happened at red mountain.
Sotha Sil:
In my mind's eye he was very reclusive and resigned due to a chronic and potentially terminal illness(an interpretation of his childhood) and perhaps offered to help Nerevar who was traveling with Vivec at the time with magical aspects of their adventures? something something, navigating ancestral tombs and dealing with daedric shrines. Maybe he taught Vivec to read and write? Idk I see Nerevar inspiring Sil to feel life and passion again. I picture his corruption train of thought to be that despite his resignation as a sagely character prepared for his fate, he still wanted to live so much and seeing godhood as his way to do it.
Dumac:
We don't know much about him but I think that perhaps he enjoyed Nerevar's company precisely because he wasn't highborn and knew of other places in the world. I picture them playing some kind of strategy board game and having long conversations. Nerevar would intently listen to everything Dumac would say about the Dwemer society(He was eager for his society to thrive too) and that intrigued Dumac. At some point he was spilling secrets he was not supposed to, and I think when Dumac realize that Nerevar did not expose that information to anyone, that he could really trust him. I think maybe he was one of the few people that Nerevar expressed doubt about not feeling confident enough to accomplish his task of unification causing Dumac to commission the Moon-and-Star ring which turned out to be a placebo, because Nerevar already had what it took. (Seriously the stats on that ring are hilarious)
Voryn Dagoth:
So before meeting Nerevar, he was a leader in his own right and a powerful mage. I feel like the way they met was: Nerevar wanted an in with the dwarves but he needed an introduction. House Dagoth was supposedly the only house the Dwemer had good relations with and so Nerevar went to Kogoruhn. I think his house would be very very traditional and uptight, without any nonsense but sort of had a strange nobility to it. Nerevar would aproach Voryn and before he would even say anything, Voryn would straight up go "Are you just here to butter me up for a reference" and Nerevar would go "So it's not working?" And I think this sort of like honest disregard for procedure and playfully terrible diplomacy is what drew him in. Eventually he would soon go from a solemn, responsible leader, to Nerevar's servant wrapped around his finger. Nerevar's advances at first would be treated without any regard for the longest of time. "I'm not your wife" Voryn would say and then one day he found himself by Nerevar's side, ready to move mountains for him. And his corruption would be around being tired of feeling like a servant and wanting to feel more equal to him.
Vivec:
I like to picture him having like a Senpai/Kouhai thing with Nerevar with a serious case of hero worship.(Based on even his name being inspired by Nerevar) To me, before ages made him the person we meet in Morrowind, he had sort of the same vibe as a kid that got famous online too soon and too far, stunting hisdevelopment in weird ways. Maybe Nerevar saw the potential in him and asked Sotha Sil to teach him how to read and write. Maybe after a lifetime spent as a brute, his creativity exploded leading to him eventually becoming worthy of being Nerevar's advisor. I do think that at first it was Vivec reading a bunch of bad poems to them and Nerevar encouraging him. And his corruption would probably have to do with wishing for Nerevar's spotlight. Like I feel like Vivec was not a balanced and wise sounding god figure for the longest of time judging by his writing and what people say about him. I also like to picture him and Almalexia competing for Nerevar's attention.
Anyway, that's what I've got, feel free to add or correct or anything.
I'm going to be the Nerevarine for a bit if anyone wants to hang out and perhaps inform me of the Morrowind Lore. I'm KneeHighThing on Twitch. Warning: I stop to read all novel dialogue and books out loud. I spent over an hour in a library once. It's for me on the whole, it's how I remember, if I remember at all :(((
I would love to be given Elder Scrolls facts, have my ignorance corrected, or have friends by!
I have already fixed a lot of shit about my fanfic, such as:
What does a scrib taste like? (sour)
In what city would Mud-on-Her-Face have been sold into slavery? It would have to be on the coast and surrounded by plantations. (I chose Old Ebonheart after conferring with a detailed map)
Muds would probably use the word "Saxhleel" to describe herself, not "Argonian". The wiki says that the Argonian people don't have a concept of the Black Marshes as a country since it is broken up by tribes, but if this is similar to, say, tribes in Nigeria knowing they are in a colonized country called Nigeria... I mean, I'm sure they have a concept of the thing as a whole, it's been hundreds of years, come on. Besides, she was given information by an Imperially adjacent Argonian so I think I'm good in that department.
I probably need to insert some Hist Trees into her past, at least mention them or something. I don't know how yet. Her tribe kinda sucks but I don't think they suck so much they'd go tree-less. Sounds like the Hist have a leading role in Argonian society in general.
I had some Dunmer coexisting with the Chimer in a vision which I think is... uh,,,,,
I need to get some local fauna and flora from the Black Marsh and I think a better idea of how the Chimer and the Dwemer are related--or maybe not, I still don't get that yet
Got to watch the ending of Oblivion Remastered and tortured myself by listening to Amulet of Kings by Young Scrolls. Why are our heroes fated to lose everything they love?
Our heroes—blessed by Akatosh himself—are chosen to save the world and for what? Recognition? Fame? The world loving you? It doesn’t mean anything when the people who meant the world to you, who loved you, are gone. Why be a hero when you can’t even save the ones who saved your smiles, laughters, and joy?
“What a cruel joke the Time God played on you, to give you none at all.”
The Eternal Champion is hardly talked about anymore, their time as the Hero was done. Their identity unknown as to who they are but only known by who they became to be in the eyes of the Empire.
The Agent of Daggerfall was a twice-cursed victim of time. They were a Hero and a casualty lost to the very thing that the Time God stood for. They weren’t protected from the Warp in the West—the Dragon Break.
The Nerevarine was shoved into prophecy by the dragon rulers themselves (Akatosh and Uriel) with their life revolving around the time long ago that they couldn’t even begin to understand. Are you your own person or are you a man from 4,000 years ago where the gods were so desperate to keep him alive that instead of resurrecting him… they made you?
The Champion of Cyrodiil watched as their friend became the Avatar of Akatosh only to then die right in front of them. Were you really the Hero or was he the true Hero all along? Either way, you were fated to follow under the Aedra’s guidance and then doomed to become their biggest enemy.
The Dragonborn is a funny predicament, the dragon god wills you into being a dragon trapped in the body of a mortal. Now you must fight against Akatosh’s own SON, where you two are joined and destined by fate and by time to destroy each other. Will it happen again in the next world? Will you two be forced into this cycle for the rest of time? This oddly reminds me of a certain serpent… Satakal? Hilariously, Akatosh and Satakal are claimed to be the same in the French translation of the book The Monomyth.
Speaking of, they say that being born under the Serpent makes you the most blessed and the most cursed. It’s no coincidence that dragons look a lot like them. Maybe it wasn’t just about the constellations.
It was about him.
When the next Hero comes in TES6, who knows what they’ll become and lose to time, too?
And don’t get me started with the Vestige for ESO because that’s a whole can of worms I’m not hungry enough to open.
Tagged by @heavy-metal-dick and I’m inviting any who sees this to join along because I’m too shy to tag ,,
I’ve been on-and-off planning on making a painted-like portrait for the First Council, including a before and after of their tragic events. This is the before, the after is under the cut.
Warning, the after piece contains BLOOD and GORE.
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My poor Nerevarine. He and Nerevar share each other’s souls and Veylarth’s body, it’s complicated.
Also in my story, Vivec indeed had a trial after my Nerevarine came back from Akavir when the Oblivion Crisis was taken care of. It’s played out differently as KIRKBRIDE CAN SUCK A FAT EGG but it ends with Veylarth smashing Vivec’s skull in with his warhammer. His punishment was death as he started tweaking out. It was not a pretty sight for the crowd.
Unsure if I’ll show his head uncensored in the final product but this is what it looks like without the blur.
How do you view Nerevar and Vivec’s relationship with each other?
Neredad, Vivec was (like) his son
Close friends
Close friends with a little gay on the side
Close friends with one-sided hate
Whatever the fuck happened in the Sermons (I still do not understand shit)
Strictly business/political (Vivec was said to be his junior counselor/teacher)
Other (comment)
Bald like Saint Jiub
Voting ended onMay 15, 2025
Just curious cause I’ve seen different interpretations across the (Morrowind) fandom. My own has changed over the years, it went from ‘close friends with one-sided hate’ to ‘Neredad’ with Nerevar adopting Vivec in my story.
jacobvanloon
blakekathryn
theartofmadeline
