Providing aftercare to your Dominant/Top
I’m not complaining even though it might sound like I am. But I can’t go a day on tumblr without seeing at least 3-4 posts dedicated to aftercare represented solely with images and assumptions around submissives being the only ones needing aftercare.
One of the biggest problems with domdrop is that many dominants themselves go through it without recognizing the signs let alone requiring the care afterwards. Most tops are so used to being strong and in control that a drop may be brushed off as manageable. Yes, it is manageable for some, but not all.
Aftercare is a mutual act that needs to occur at the same time. Dominants need it as well as Submissives (regardless of gender).
Some of the things that can be done to ease a top into both recognizing their need for aftercare, as well as provide it to them without them seemingly needed are:
1. Reassurance - Remind them that the scene was good (if it was) and that they made you feel happy, safe and cared for throughout the scene
2. Cuddling/Hugging/Being held - Tops need this as well and it becomes a part of providing the comfort. It’s ok if you remain still during, but I would recommend wrapping your bodies around each other (both of you).
3. Gentle/Light communication - As tiring as the scene might be, it’s still a good idea to keep a very gentle conversation going. It doesn’t have to even be intelligent. But it should contain talking about feelings. While expressing how you’re feeling, ask the top how they’re feeling as well. Not just about the scene, but physically and emotionally generally.
4. Remember till the day after - In a lot of cases, I’ve noticed that tops tend to have belated responses to a scene. This is what happens to me personally where the adrenaline delays the drop by a few hours and then it hits me like running into a brick wall. The crash includes lithargy, low energy, fatigue, low/depressed mood. If you see any signs, they could be indicative of a domdrop. That’s when they need aftercare. A massage, backrub, showering together, or even space if they need it. But space doesn’t mean leaving them completely alone. Ask them regularly what they want, and keep doing the things that they like you to do for them normally.
5. Assist with regaining proper mindset and energy - It uses a lot of power, energy (both physical and emotional). At times dominants enter what is known as “performance mode” where they’re becoming increasingly involved in their role to the point of a temporary loss of identity. That’s part of domspace and requires a lot of energy to maintain. Find out how deep into domspace they went and that could indicate if a domdrop is coming.
6. Remember experiences and signs - This one goes without saying. If you’ve experienced a domdrop then you already know what needs to be done. If you’ve experienced one and didn’t recognize it, then honestly it’s time to really take a few steps towards learning more about it.
All the best. And be safe. All of you.
Here are some resources I collected from the internet on this subject:
http://brairthornblog.wordpress.com/2009/12/05/dominant-aftercare-taken-from-a-different-blog/
http://www.submissiveguide.com/2009/11/dominant-recovery/
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