i am creation both haunted and holy

A bookshelf of my thoughts. Jesus, jokes, hobbies, fandoms, art, writing, self-growth, literary analysis and intellectual discussion. Call me Sunbeam! Zombies, Run! sideblog is i-will-go-with-you-five

[sunkissedliterarylightofchrist]

is that a half alive reference in your bio?

YES! YES IT IS!

Thank you so much for asking me this I love this question! And you! I love half•alive, and creature is my favorite song in the whole entire world, and now I'm going to talk about it thanks for activating my gush-over-things-I-love mode :D

I love this verse. Well, I love every single vowel in this song but that's beside the point. Just mentally insert 'I love this verse' for each paragraph here please. I love the childlike wonder in wanting to discover who we are and what our purpose is. We already have a pretty good idea, we've figured a lot out about ourselves, but there's still so much more to see and discover and come to terms with, because we are complex beings. So complex in fact, that we will never know every part of ourselves objectively, which is why which is why we need someone all-knowing and all-powerful with faith infallible, with wisdom and justice and gentleness to look inside of us and judge us for exactly who we are.

And here, from the good but still limited perspective, he simply states that he's flawed! He's worn! The world is in a fallen state, we've all been blighted by the sin in the world, that tears and wears and corrupts our souls and flesh and blurs the image of who we truly are. And because of that, he is going to trust the Artist molding him and who he is, Jesus, who is higher than us and knows us, knows what's best for us, and always has our best interests in mind. He is the creator, and we are the creation, the Creature.

Then we have the ~chorus~ (I could cry its so beautiful) I am haunted and flawed both by the fallen nature of the world and by my own flesh, and marred. And I am holy and created by God, made in glory, as He chose to create me in my mother's womb, still a configuration of cells, every bit of me, I am intentional and set apart by Him, fearfully and wonderfully made. And even though life is dark and hard, and it is guaranteed that I will face incredibly difficult challenges that would break me if not for Christ, He will lead me through the valley of the shadow of death, and while it might be dark and scary, and I'm blinded what He's doing and what's going on, I will not be blinded to Him and His glory, which are ever present and ever faithful to us.

The heart is perilous. It's selfish. It wants its own ways and whims and to choose darkness. But its been twisted to be that way by our fallen nature, since the Garden when humanity chose that path. It used to be beautiful and pure and lovely, and in a sense, it still is. There is a duality, it reflects both natures. Our hearts reflect both the perfection and loveliness of the Artist, and the danger and imperfection of humanity's fallen state. We as the Creature are torn between these two things from the Fall.

Our world is dark, and it's only getting darker. But we are called to shine the light of Christ in the darkness, to be a light in dark places when all other lights go out, and to show our relationship with God to the world boldly, since we are not ashamed of the Gospel. And the world feels that. The human heart longs for Eden, longs for peace, longs for a Creator, longs for a loving Father, for a perfect world. We are called to show that Jesus is that answer to that.

We are growing through and because of Christ, always. If you are a Christian, every breath you take should be in pursuit of becoming more like and following Him. Our flesh is naturally inclined to fight to see when it's unclear because our brains and flesh are constantly yammering for knowledge, not caring if it's good or ill. But instead God tells us to be still and to put our peace and assurance in Him instead. He's got this. Our flesh and spirit are at war with each other, the haunted and holy at odds, Jesus reaching to save us from the grasp of the Devil, and He did so by dying and rising again, and bringing new life through his ultimate sacrifice. Because of this we are a sacred note in His symphony, masterfully crafted as a part of His plan, to bring hope to others and glorify God. God took dirt and created Adam, and He's created us for His purpose as well, which we can take assurance and rest and comfort in. We also take comfort and hope in looking forward to when Jesus will return and create a new heaven and a new earth, where life will grow abundantly and death will be defeated and the time for our natures to be torn between haunted and holy will be over, and we can fully have both our soul and our new physical bodies that He will craft for us utterly at His service for our good and His glory. Jesus Christ will throw Satan into the lake of fire, crushing the Evil Prince of this world with His heel, and rule the heavens and the earth, like He already rules our hearts, and will expose both the world's and our own darkness and evil, and He will win against it, making us into new creations through Him, and we will get to walk in the light of His glory and rejoice with Him forever. We have wonder in this redemption, and in the beauty of Jesus discovering us in ways we can never discover ourselves, and there are so many mysteries in life, but all of it points back to God, through us as the creature.

You bet it does.

We don't have to suffer from the darkness in our hearts, we get to turn to the Artist for peace, and are gifted to rest in that as His creature. The darkness isn't our motivation for understanding ourselves and the world, our motivation is the peace that comes from knowing we are created by a perfect God, who, when we put our faith in Him, redeems us, and for the rest of our lives and until we die and are given new bodies, will continue to do so and make us more like Him. Understanding our hearts and the mysteries of God is an exploration with childlike wonder of who He has made us each to be, rather than just trying to understand what drives us and our emotions and moods and feelings and flaws. We get to look beyond our circumstances, we have an innate desire to know our Creator. This song has so much hope and wonder in it, acknowledging the darkness as real and present and active, while clinging to Christ through it all. We get to dive into the mysteries of life and creation, knowing that we are loved and have purpose through Him. We don't fully understand. And we will never have to. We are called to seek His face, and we can trust that the answers we seek are the ones that promise new life.

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So! Back to my bio. 'I am creation both haunted and holy' I've been created by Christ, and am a creature. I'm haunted by the fallen world and my sinful flesh. And I'm holy because I've been justified by Grace alone, through Faith alone, in Christ alone. God looked inside of this mess and made a declaration about my state. In my sin and in my flesh, I am a terrible sinner. Nothing good about my by myself. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Any time I've ever tried to do anything without Him it's turned out for the worst.

BUT GOD (probably by favorite phrase in the entire Bible) gave over all of that sin and sickness to Jesus, who through His death on the cross has redeemed it and made me righteous and holy in God's sight. Not because of something that I did, but because of what Jesus did, and God transfers us the righteousness of Jesus to us when we put our faith in Him. And being justified by faith alone does not mean I'm saved because I have faith, but rather that faith is the means that I cling to Christ. I'm saved through the grace of God. And it's in Christ alone because we can't ever become righteous by ourselves ever, even if we had the rest of our lives to, we NEED Jesus to intercede for us. We are both sinners and righteous because of Jesus, both haunted and holy, made in glory. But then when we have faith to cling to, it utterly changes our lives and our hearts, and pushes us to do good works through, for, and because of Him, from now until the end of time.

That line, 'I am creation both haunted and holy' is the entire Gospel message in a single sentence. It's masterfully written. I thank the Artist for it.

This song is so beautiful. And I just took a crack at the lyrics, the instrumentals and Josh's vocals are insanely incredible. Max headphone greatness for this song. And every version of it is utterly lovely. But the orchestral one from In Florescence is my favorite. Sounds like a hymnal arrangement being played in a cathedral.

[thelegendofjenna]

I'm trying to take the high road but I'm like, dragging myself bleeding and sobbing along the high road while looking so so longingly at the low road

[voidcreations]

Look at my birthday cake...

[sunkissedliterarylightofchrist]

@beginnerblueglass

[sunkissedliterarylightofchrist]

tagged by @scribbly-bear-the-1st to go to Pinterest and look up your current favorite color and ‘my vibe’ and put your favorite 9 pictures that show up

@im-literally-so-dun @pinkwisteria @pigeonviv @sugar-coated-skeleton @thatfriendlyanon @bellamy-gray-writes @beginnerblueglass @noodlecruncher

[unconventiononthelawofthesea]

atheist quarterback throws a hail darwin

[akindlyowl]

agnostic quarterback throws a hail maybe

[chaotic-theatrical-weaver]

Protestant quarterback throws a Hail Christ Alone.

[sunkissedliterarylightofchrist]

Every time I see a shirtless man on my dash without even looking at who reblogged it I know it’s @im-literally-so-dun

[dick-hardboiled]

There is absolutely a platonic explanation for that

[dick-hardboiled]

But I will also entertain the non platonic for my own edification do u understand

[goldensunset]

[meadow-roses]

I'm wondering what you thought would happen Who you thought I would be? Was this a side-swipe or did you picture this in a dream? Buckle down, this is possibly the furthest we've reached Now move it up, move it up, it's a breach

[manda-kat]

If you spend time making art/writing about romantic or sexual scenarios involving real people and you're older than fourteen, you are being weird and creepy. That's a real person and you should know better.

[tsumugiology]

random question:

what was your first exposure to prev and what made you decide to follow them?

[pinkwisteria]

i've watched so many good movies recently that i'm starting a media journal.

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Quick shout out to the Down syndrome kid from my after-school program back when I was in grade school. Like yea he had the usual issues but he was a sweetheart and quite funny; and one day both his parents showed up at the same time to pick him up and I had the experience of meeting a family of genetically disabled people that had jobs and a home and a kid in school and it was a profoundly normalizing experience for me like I couldn’t take eugenicists seriously after that because like “no they totally can have whole entire meaningful lives with marriage and children and work and hobbies have you not met Dennis??” Anyway quick shout out to Dennis you were a real one

[caveatum]

hello tumblr wudm fandom ))

[ominouspositivity-or-else]

@strawberry-muffin-crisis

[sunkissedliterarylightofchrist]

How Pinkicious’ mom got her to eat vegetables

[manda-kat]

The Amazing Digital Circus wastes boring, heart-to-heart therapy-speak scenes on characters who don't change or grow and that's annoying. Only one character is actually written well and they get ruined by forces outside of the show.

(Disclaimer: I LIKE the show, but it's much harder to like it now that the hope for a satisfying ending has passed)

Time to rant about the characters:

Zooble. Zooble starts out as a grumpy, but honest and supportive person... and doesn't change. Zoobles issue with body image is solved in such a way that the solution is 'it's okay to be able to change'. So... Zooble's character arc is... continuing to do what they have done for the entire show. Zooble already switched it up every episode. If the arc is 'stop being mean to Jax' then that also sucks because Zooble's been shown as emotionally reasonable (because only Jax is allowed to be unstable) so it isn't a shock when they reach out to him and try to make sure he's okay when it seems like he has a real risk of abstracting. That's not growth, that's just in line with the character. They could have made Zooble a vengeful bully in return, harrassing Jax constantly, but only just barely touched that concept. Why not write a breaking point where Zooble tips over the edge and becomes a true bully back to Jax right before he abstracts- adding consequences to actions and giving a character moment to someone with NO GROWTH. I thought Zooble would finally open up about the whole 'have you ever had to make that choice' thing and actually tell Gangle 'yes, I have and I still do have to' but no! We had a long, boring conversation that doesn't get RESOLVED! It doesn't matter if they're side characters- if they have a sideplot you've got to FINISH IT ON SCREEN!!!

Gangle. Gangle is shy, but nice. She only changes personalities during the spudsie's episode and then goes back to being the same character. She gets to fire a tommy gun, I guess. If your entire character arc is 'gets to have fun in a game once' it's a little disappointing for her then to be a non-character in the finale. Gangle's the weepy one. We get it. Imagine if across the series, Gangle's mask lasted longer and longer without breaking as she got stronger with support from Zooble. Then when they all get guns, Jax tries breaking the mask and gets frustrated when it just doesn't break. Zooble tells him 'you can't take that from me anymore' and she affirms that she is no longer letting Jax steal her joy- which pushes Jax over the edge a bit, since he feels like he's losing his control over others and himself. Then, Gangle is more confident in the next episode, but in the finale, her mask breaks at her lowest point. Then you just need a little scene of her learning to fix it by altering the code- picking herself up and being stronger than ever!!! It feels like an obvious character arc that does NOT take so much screen time that it wouldn't be possible.

With some changes, Zooble and Gangle could have worked together to tell a story about not letting other people turn you into someone you don't want to be. Instead of TELLING us that they aren't Jax's toys, SHOW US that they can take their power back from him!

Ragatha. I guess she learns to show her emotions? She should have clashed more with Jax, since they are ideological foils. They're both dishonest, but they hide different things. Where was the fight where Jax accuses Ragatha of being fake and she throws it right back at him. They're opposites, but their only real confrontation is Ragatha yelling at Jax while he eggs her on and then the 'you're trying to corrupt Pomni' thing, which... doesn't make a lot of sense. It doesn't say much about their characters and feels like a weird thing to say. Why not, Ragatha: 'Leave Pomni alone! Don't hurt her like you hurt everyone else!' Jax: *BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!* That would foreshadow the reveal and feels like a more sensible thing to say than some weird comment.

Kinger. He's the wise old mentor who's a little kooky. A guy with several screws loose who has moments of surprising genius is not a very rare trope. He has basically nothing outside of this trope. He's funny and sweet and I love him, but he's literally just a vehicle for jokes therapy-speak and exposition. What if when Jax got mad at him, Kinger actually got super depressive about his mistake and Pomni had to lift him out of his funk instead of the other way around? It would help cement Pomni as an emotional anchor and it would also give Kinger emotional depth outside of 'I had a tragic past'. Like- he already admitted to hating himself for his mistakes years ago, so this should have been a perfect moment for a scene where Kinger slips back into that self-loathing and Pomni has to help him overcome it, returning the kindness he gave her in episode three. It would take the same amount of screen time and have the exact same plot result. Instead of giving Kinger ANY depth, they decided to give Pomni her 'darkest hour' moment three seconds into the finale! That's not a good trade! She should have held on emotionally until Jax abstracted AT LEAST! It felt like she cared more about killing Caine than losing Jax! UGH!

Pomni. Speaking of Pomni! She's... here. She becomes more confident across the show, so yeah! She actually had an arc! Yay! Um. She's the main character, that's a really low bar. Her real problem is she never DOES anything. Most of the problems are solved by her just sitting there during these stupid therapy sessions. I guess the message is just listening to people is a good way to help them? It's pretty boring. Pomni realizes the circus members are her friends and decides she is going to fight for them and protect them. So she needs to actually be tested in that. Jax gives that opportunity, but when she confronts him in the finale, it's just more listening to trauma dumps. Anyone could do what Pomni does. Gangle could be Pombi. Zooble could be Pomni. Kinger could be Pomni. Ragatha could be Pomni. CAINE could be Pomni. Pomni never makes choices or has important actions that only she could do. She just listens when people are feeling down. That's a good trait, but it's a boring thing to write your entire show around. If that is your idea, you need to abstract (pun intended) it a little and form it around some kind of action or emotional trial. Listening to people is important and can be a good message, but just having your character stand there and watch someone talk makes your character inactive. Pomni needed to be doing something! She could have used what she knew about Jax to move HERSELF between scenes- not just getting booted back into the hall when the scene was over. Jax could have been trying to push her out of his mind (SYMBOLISM? IN MY DIGITAL CIRCUS?!) by attacking her with his fake Jax personas and she would be able to fight them- literally pushing aside his facade to find the real Jax! This entire part with Jax's psyche could have been told with freaking BUBBLE in Pomni's place for how little her relationship with Jax actually matters. Sure, she talks to him in the scene with the lamppost, but by then he's already let her in. She already won, now it's time for resolution, but it doesn't feel like a victory, because she didn't do anything! Of course she looks after her friends if it's THAT EASY!

Caine. Congratulations, buddy, that's the worst anyone's ever done it! Your villain redemption sucks. He gets deleted, has a heart to heart with HIMSELF and then fixes everything. Caine. Caine the deeply insecure, blindly unreasonable and idiotic (even when well-meaning) villain of your story is the ONE CHARACTER who doesn't get a heart to heart with Kinger or Pomni where he has to finally admit his faults and grow? He does that on his own??? To be perfectly honest... the fact that the human characters needed pep talks in order to 'grow' but the AI was able to understand humanity and find empathy WITHOUT HUMAN GUIDANCE is insulting!!! It's just bad! And THIS is what you end the series on? It's bad! It's bad writing! Caine went from a well-written villain with motives and flaws that made sense, to a boring redemption that amounted to 'why did they dewete me? Oh, was I a baddy? Oh no! I'll be a goodie now!' IT'S STUPID! He should have stayed deleted if you were going to just BUTCHER HIM!!! At least then he could have died with dignity!!! The writers wanted a redemption, but couldn't write a meaningful moral confrontation to save their lives! Oh- wait! They did write one of those! TWO EPISODES AGO!!! Tell me why the writing quality DROPPED for the finale you HAD PEOPLE PAY TO SEE!!! Now THAT'S insulting!

Jax. The whole trans thing could have enhanced Jax's character, but it ends up giving a pretty shallow conclusion to what is the only character with emotional depth! In the writing itself, I think Jax is handled well. I'm mostly annoyed at the fact that the only well-written character is overshadowed by a detail that should have enhanced his story, but ends up replacing it in the public eye. Jax has a great setup. He is afraid that the person he truly is on the inside is weak and 'feminine' and people will mock him when they see it. He has a warped idea of masculinity- seeing a 'real man' as stoic, strong and in-control, but also cruel. He literally admitted that being like his father was a bad thing, but being different made him 'weak' and 'not man enough', creating a false choice of either 'be a man (you monster)' or 'be vulnerable (you sissy)'. You see him face this imaginary choice several times and choose the safest option of 'I may be a terrible person, but I'm safe and powerful and in control'. He is upset by the maid dress, not because he 'secretly likes it' (he might, that's irrelevant) it's because he's afraid of BEING a person who secretly likes it. It's a weakness to him and he's terrified of that weakness! Him being trans or liking crossdressing or just being unsure who he is isn't the point! The solution to Jax isn't 'transitioning could have saved her UwU' it's 'you don't have to live according to a false dichotomy, your harmful view of the world is hurting you as much as it hurts everyone else and IT'S OKAY TO BE VULNERABLE WITH PEOPLE!' Jax is the only character who's portayal in the show itself WORKS! He finally opens up to Pomni in the end and it's great! It's just overshadowed by everyone now thinking his big character arc is 'realizing he's secretly a girl because he (gasp!) has feelings' and not realizing how sexist and reductive that idea is!

Ribbit. Not really a character analysis, I just wanna say. Don't be like Ribbit. You want your friend to open up to you. They are clearly uncomfortable doing so. You tell them a personal story and then GUILT TRIP THEM into opening up as well despite their discomfort. They tell you something deeply personal and in that story glaze over a detail they clearly aren't ready to tell you yet. You put them on the spot, guess what this secret is and create a situation where they have to now either confirm (they aren't ready) or deny (you are guilt tripping them into honesty) your assumption. You assume your friend has some kind of gender dysphoria and you 'playfully' try to make them crossdress?! You're awful. You are terrible. Jax is not good to his friends- obviously- but I am amazed at how well he handled Ribbit repeatedly crossing his boundaries. It shows that he DID trust her. He clearly trusted her more than anyone else. Then she kept pushing. Should he have been mature, addressed his boundaries with her and tried to patch it up? Yes. He was cruel afterward. I just won't let them portray Ribbit as a good friend who told Jax what he needed to hear and he just pushed her away. She seriously messed with him in ways he wasn't ready for. Jax's story could have been a whole lot different if she had shown more patience! I am the number one Ribbit hater. She ruins the good name of frogs everywhere.

[inthetags]

Reblog and share a song that feels like a spiritual experience, in the tags

[byjove]

I love asking people how their parents met. You always get an interesting reply. My best friend’s parents met on the relatively new internet in 1999. My other friend’s parents met at Burger King when one was the manager and the other was a regular customer. My parents met at the beach because they were neighbors in their rental houses, mom was on a church trip and dad was getting blackout drunk every night with his friends next door.

Tell me how your parents met in the tags.