Sunsets and Silhoutte Dreams

Tina, 22, Australian. Lover of music, photography and sport

[unreadable]

[yakhult]

by tanjaz

[sedraboc]

[fadedforest]

+ fadedforest.

[sunset-and-silhouttes]

Heavy Burden

the rapid beats lead to a different ache one that words alone can not explain as the toxic air finally leaves my breathe my mind is light and the words can not escape

the saturation of your sympathy does nothing more to settle me as once shaking hands finally sit true the cold returns where once warmth was you

fire now spreads throughout my limbs as anger takes its rising toll replacing the light for heavy burden that i have seen to come to know

The clarity settles as the ashes fall Regretting the words i threw at all whose sympathy now washes through i blame myself for all i do

for time shall pass before i take a breath where there lay no burden upon my chest as there still be a spark of angered regret for what transpired causes continued unrest

so when the rapid beats return again and the toxic depths of my lungs need air will i have learnt to allow you close or am i better dealing with it alone

[theholetour]

Can we please start having the conversation around how not dating in your teenage/formative years can fuck with your self esteem

[theholetour]

Like when everyone around you is getting in relationshsips and you’re not you start to assume something is wrong with you, and as more time goes on you think you’re running out of time and if and when you do get into a relationship you feel like you’re playing catch up and might run the risk of getting to clingy too fast because you aren’t used to that type of attention

[sunset-and-silhouttes]

I’m not attractive in the conventional sense. I think people don’t realise that yes you can be happy with how you look but other people don’t find you attractive. So yes it’s easy for you to find a partner and you have so many people lining up to date you because you are the normal sense of beauty but for me that’s not how it works. I don’t have people coming up to me say how beautiful I am. I don’t have people giving me their numbers in bars and clubs. I don’t have people hit on me at the gym. I haven’t had a mass of previous partners. So when you say you will find someone easily you are speaking from your own experience not mine. I’ve only ever had one partner. Not through lack of trying. But just because. No matter what people say about it’s on the inside that counts, someone has to be attracted to your looks as well. So yes it may be easy for you but for me it is so damn hard to feel wanted or anything.

[destroymylife]

[niccoolleeyy-deactivated2020092]

[neozlicembe]

x

[ohstarstuff]

[sunset-and-silhouttes]

Sometimes I look at your smile and wonder what I’d have to do to get someone to look at me the way you look at her…

[hairstylesbeauty]

[sunset-and-silhouttes]

Why after 6 years do I still think about you. Is it because we never talked it through? Is there no closure? Why is it always so late at night when I can’t sleep that you cross my mind. I just want to know what went wrong. I’ll take it all back id do anything to be the one you call when you are struggling, the one you send a random picture too because it reminded you of me, the one you stay up til 3am talking about life with and where you saw us 10 years from then. I honestly hope you are happy. I want nothing more than to know you are happy and content. But that part of me wants to know do you ever think of me? Did all those years mean anything to you or am I making it into something we never were?I miss you and I hate myself for it. I want to let you go but my mind can’t.

[ariseadaptascertain]

I am so fucking sick and tired of making other people feel so loved, I’m tired of pouring my heart and soul into other people, of giving everything I have to make sure other people have what they need, and feel worthy, important, more than enough. All I fucking feel all the time is so empty and so worthless and so not fucking enough. Fuck this shit hurts.

[sunset-and-silhouttes]

I don’t know if i love you or the thought of you. I know i love the thought of someone caring, of someone loving me but i don’t know if i love you. You only ever say the right stuff but I’ve never had this before. Ive never experienced it so how am i meant to know what i feel. Sure i like you, i like spending time with you but sometimes its too much. Sometimes this is too much. Some days it feels so right and everything is okay but some days i wake up and it feels so wrong. like i wake up and feel numb as if it is not real.I don’t know how i feel. I don’t know how to explain this. There is nothing wrong with you, it’s me. I just don’t know what I’m doing here, i don’t understand how anyone could actually like me. I wanted this but now that i have it i don’t feel like i deserve me. I’m sorry I’m fucked up. I don’t know when or if it will ever feel right. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry

[mjalti]

having to be “mature” at a young age sucks bc you aren’t really “mature-mature” you’re a child playing at a maturity bc you don’t have the foundation to be the bigger person when conflict arrives so what you do is ignore it bc ignoring a problem and being happy about a resolution look the same to your inexperienced eyes. Then you get adults praising you for a development above your peers but you aren’t really developing. You’re stagnant. Your peers will grow up and experience things and make mistakes and grow from them but you will keep yourself in this box, ignoring things ignoring ignoring ignoring until one day you have to face the fact… it wasn’t maturity you had. It was fear. And now you’re an adult too and you make all of your choices based on an emotional risk/costs analysis bc you don’t know any emotion other than fear & you have to start healing from your own childhood by making peace that you weren’t really a mature child. You were just a child who was given too much to carry & didn’t know how to say “no”.

[photografya-deactivated20230917]