Sunsetandvineyards @sunsetandvineyards - Tumblr Blog

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just a little update for the void. met the absolute cutest guy. he's already treated me better in one month than my ex fiancé ever had. It's kind of scary how much I look forward to seeing him. He plans cute dates all of the time like picnics and calls me every day.

also ... he's completely kinky in the bedroom 🤭

so far so good ☺️ but still weary that true colours will eventually come out. Dating is weird after being engaged ...

#life #love #dating

Hello ! I just re read one of your fic i like so much and click for the first time to your blog. Then i saw your post and quickly copy this fic (just for me of course) i hope you don’t mind ? I am so sad to see you are struggling. I wish you the best and send you my support and love💕 I hope you won’t stop writing completly ?

hi there !! don't mind at all :) that's part of why i gave the heads up. i know i like to copy fics to re read etc. thanks so much lovely 💕💕💕 one day in the future i may return to writing for fandom! xxx

hi everyone!

so life has been pretty hard on me this past year so i've been MIA. Due to personal choices, I will be deleting my fics in the upcoming few weeks on A03. Just wanted to give a heads up to anyone who perhaps would be curious as to what happened if noticing they were gone. I'll probably keep this tumblr active though if you want to keep in touch ☺️💕 xox

qvotext

At night I get to replay a life once lived. The mornings are harsh reminders.

Do we ever really stop missing someone? Or do we just pretended that we've forgotten.

#life

perfectfeelings

“Have you ever craved someone so much the you literally ache?”

—

vampireapologist-archive-deacti

not to dredge up old wounds and sound bitter but when I was 17 my dad died in a house fire and the very next week we had a huge geometry test I hadn’t studied for because of the whole House Fire Dead Dad situation so the extremely kind kid sitting next to me let me cheat from his test since the answers were multiple choice, but I was SO stressed about the whole House Fire Dead Dad situation I didn’t even notice we had different tests.

My teacher handed them back the next day with an obvious zero written on mine, and when I started crying in class he told me that’s what I get for cheating, in front of everyone.

Most things from my teenagehood I have let go, but if I ever run into this man in a grocery store I 100% will ask him what is problem was.

vampireapologist-archive-deacti

That said, I used to spend a lot of time grieving this girl who lost so much and who suffered so much under the rules of people like that teacher. I told my therapist that the tragedy of it all is that nobody ever came to save her and so she was never saved.

My therapist asked me why I saw her as separate from myself. I realized I felt that at some point between then and Adulthood, that girl had died, and I was mourning her death. All the time, I looked at photos of my younger self as if they were memories of a childhood friend I’d lost.

My therapist helped me understand and accept that she never died, she is me, and by surviving, I did save her life. She is alive, and those hopes and dreams she had before she felt pain and loss still exist in me. And every time someone treats me badly and I stand up for myself, I am standing up for her. Every time I try to get better, I am nursing her back to health. Every time I take care of myself, I am taking care of her. I am the adult she needed.

She was saved, because she is me, and I saved myself. I saved her. I saved us both.

I’m only sharing such personal feelings this plainly, because I hope it will resonate with some of you who feel that there’s a part of you, a child crying, who got left behind. If you’re still alive, you’re holding that child in your arms right now. They are vulnerable, they are wounded, but they are alive. Take care of yourself, and you’ll take care of them. I love you.

Just a diary rant for the sick and broken hearted (trigger warning: there ain't no happy ending to this post lol):

I thought I knew what pain was. I've been through a lot in my life. Suffered through trauma and illness for many years.

But nothing quite prepares you for the feeling of being left behind by the one person who you thought would always be there. My ex was the one who was by my side through flare ups, surgeries, meltdowns. Was there when I could barely walk or eat. There when I cried and saw doctor after doctor. And his family never liked it. Chose to never accept me and abuse me for it.

In the end, they gave him an ultimatum. When the abuse got too bad, when finally after 5 years of suffering through it, when I finally put my foot down and refused to be treated that way anymore by his family... they made home choose. Me or them. And all because I was too sick to come over "enough." Because I was too sick to host dinner parties during a fucking world pandemic. Too sick to eat at family gatherings. Too sick to go on family vacations.

They emotionally and verbally abused me for 5 years. Said horrible things to me. Told me I was faking it and disrespectful for not coming over during flares and being sick on their couch. Screamed down my throat that I wasnt what they wanted. And in the end they got what they wanted.

In the end they got their son, brother, grandson to walk away from his sick fiancé because I didn't fit into their ideal plan. I wasn't who they had hoped for. I wasn't convenient.

26 years old and I don't think i will ever be able to love again. Don't think i'll ever be able to believe another word from any person who claims to care about me. Don't think I even know how to spot a good person. A good soul. Do they even exist? who knows.

So I hope they're happy.

But more than anything I hope HE thinks about this for the rest of his life. I hope he thinks about how much love I poured into our relationship. How I endured constant abuse for 5 years because I thought he was worth it. That I didn't want his family's terrible behaviour to dictate our relationship. And then within two months time of me finally NOT tolerating it anymore... he gave up on me and us. Decided i wasn't worth it. That the last 5 years weren't enough. Discarded me like trash.

I've had to sell the home we bought together. The house with 2 extra bedrooms for our future children. The backyard that we bought because it was big enough for a pool. Was left to pack up the belongings.... cancel my wedding. Sell my dress. Sell my ring. The entire process was incredibly painful. I can't even describe it.

he didn't help with one thing. Refuses to help me pay off the wedding deposits .... just left.

I hope he realizes that he's worse than them. Because he lied to me. Pretended to be who I needed until it no longer was convenient for him either. His his true colours for when it worked in his favour.

But either way I'm just here ... discarded and broken. And honestly it just gets worse everyday.

Just had to send this into the void of tumblr. Had to get it down and out there. tired of silently screaming it to myself in my own head.

#spooniesisterhood #spoonie #chronicpainwarrior #chronic illness #mental health #heartache #real life

haven't been around in a while ... but deeply saddened by what's recently come out 😔