― Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things
[text ID: And once again, only the Small Things were said. The Big Things lurked unsaid inside.]

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― Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things
[text ID: And once again, only the Small Things were said. The Big Things lurked unsaid inside.]
My ego is threatened more often than not and I’m on constant defense. It’s like my dad and I’m not proud. I’ve picked up this trait and I catch it in every conversation. Except when you’re in my bed.
Because you hold me and press into these pressure points that make me moan, fingers working their way from my neck to my tailbone. I kiss your neck, leaving little temporary marks that will disappear by the time you leave my house. We are a secret from the world, one we tell our therapists about and keep hush about aside from when my Ring camera captures you kissing me. (After I give you my drugs. The Tylenol PM, of course.) We don’t tell anyone. I’m yours and you’re mine except we’re not each other’s at all. I send you candy and you send me texts at 5 am because you bypass my Focus and I prefer it that way. There’s something nice about knowing you think about me at 4 am when you can’t sleep. I tell you you’re allowed to come over to sleep whenever, share my gabapentin whenever, hold me whenever, whatever you need, I’ll give it, babe. I’ll never be in love with you, and you’ll never fix me, and I’ll never be able to work out the intricacies that make up the pathways and neurons of your brain. We are not conventional, but I kind of like it. I think we have a connection. We are inconsistent consistencies in each other’s lives, flowing in and out. Regularly out, but we always find our way back in when we need someone to hold us and heal us. Someone we feel safe with. Someone we trust when we feel like the rest of the world will bite at our ankles if we get out of my bed. We’re always in my bed and never anywhere else. And I kind of think that’s beautiful; how one place can birth an entire connection that lasts a lifetime. Never seen, never acknowledged, but there. Good. It’s good. It’s its own version of forever and never. Complex contradictions. I think the universe put you in my life for a reason. I’m not sure why. But I’ll take it and hold it anyway.
“j.d.q.”
Franz Kafka, The Diaries of Franz Kafka: 1910-1913
HOW TO SPOT TRAUMAS AND FEARS IN A BIRTH CHART pt.1 🦇☕️
Pay attention to the 8th HOUSE:
The 8th house is all about fears, taboo, the dark side of the human mind and what’s hidden. It’s connected with Scorpio and associated with Pluto, the planet of regeneration and rebirth, it suggests that we’re all able to find the key for heal our traumas and win over our fears.
First, look at the sign on the cousp on the 8th house, here some examples (maybe I’ll explain in another post and in a more detailed way what does the sign on the 8th house cousp mean):
Aries 8th house: fears related to taking action, defining your individuality, competition, doing something exclusively for yourself, expressing your anger, impulsive behaviors.
Taurus 8th house: fears related to your own stability, expressing yourself in a creative way, expressing the sensual side of your personality.
Gemini 8th house: fears related to communication, expressing your opinion, being chatty, being superficial, not feeling smart enough.
Cancer 8th house: fears related to your roots, your family, expressing your emotions, being vulnerable.
Leo 8th house: fears related to self-expression in general, standing up for yourself, being extra, taking leadership, vanity, feeling confident, expressing yourself through art.
Virgo 8th house: fears related to rejection, being criticized, responsibility, respecting high standards, not feeling smart enough, being imperfect.
Libra 8th house: fears related to cooperation, relationships, connecting with other people, love, loosing your balance.
Scorpio 8th house: fears related to secrets, not being able to know what’s happening around and inside of yourself, jealousy, expressing your sexuality, open up, intimacy.
Sagittarius 8th house: fear of missing something, not living your life at the fullest, being trapped, not being able to experiment and have the opportunity to learn.
Capricorn in 8th house: fears related to taking responsibility, not working/trying hard enough, showing your emotions, open up.
Aquarius in 8th house: fears related to showing your authentic side to the world, feeling weird, not being able to “fit in”, being different, loneliness.
Pisces in 8th house: fears related to chaotic situations, deep emotions, love, explore your dreams, explore your spiritual side, losing yourself.
Look at the position of Pluto in the birth chart:
The position of Pluto in a specific house of your birth chart suggests how you can heal your traumas. Pluto can be a tricky planet, it’s connected to karmic lessons and can be challenging keeping on repeat the same lessons again and again until you change the game in a definitive way.
Pluto in 1th house: define your identity, find your authentic self and don’t be afraid to express who you truly are, open up with others, accept unconditionally your unique way to independence is the key.
Pluto in 2th house: find your comfort zone, guarantee yourself a stable lifestyle, develop resilience and try to set reachable goals for yourself, try to express yourself through art.
Pluto in 3th house: speak your mind, connect with people around you, share your ideas, relationships are important for your healing journey, write down your emotions, heal the relationships with your siblings.
Pluto in 4th house: understand and nurture your emotions, heal the relationship with your family, understand your roots and practice unconditional love, heal your inner child, feel a sense of belonging with your community.
Pluto in 5th house: heal your relationship with your inner child or surround yourself with children, give yourself the opportunity to “act like a kid” again, work on being spontaneous and less shy, express yourself through art and theater.
Pluto in 6th house: follow a healthy lifestyle, eat well and drink more water, do gym, work on your goals and dedicate your energy to a project or volunteering, connect with animals.
Pluto in 7th house: establish healthy relationships with others, define healthy boundaries with others, open up, establish 50-50 relationships based on mutual respect and cooperation.
Pluto in the 8th house: establish a healthy approach towards sexuality, explore your spiritual side and activate yourself in a direct way towards your fears, be honest and don’t fear your deepest thoughts.
Pluto in the 9 th house: expand your horizons through travel and education, learn is the key for healing your trauma, connect with new realities, explore your spiritual and philosophical side.
Pluto in the 10th house: find your goals and work hard to achieve them, you can heal your wounds through a carrier that makes you feel happy and aligned with your highest goals, you need a lot of structure and to work on your approach to responsibility.
Pluto in the 11th house: you need to find a community and work with people that shares your same view of life, find a place where you can feel a sense of belonging and community, don’t isolate yourself and open up with others, you can heal your wounds through friendships.
Pluto in the 12th house: you need to explore with your spiritual side, work on your internal dialog, try to sleep well, analyze your dreams and trust your intuition, your spiritual gift will guide you through the healing process.
Confessing my love to you set me free; it also destroyed me. Even when I hadn’t told you, I knew I wasn’t the one, but I still tried to be. This led me to improve myself, even if it was for the wrong reason. But after my confession, when you said that we will still be best friends for life, I stopped. I stopped trying to better myself, I stopped trying to do any good, because I don’t want to be good or better for anyone if it isn’t you.
One day you’re going to wake up to a warm smile and a kiss on the forehead. One day you’re going to find someone who remembers your favourite flower and your favourite food and the places you’ve always wanted to go. You’ll find someone who falls for your laughter and your intellect and your passion. Someone who loves every curve of your body and every part of your soul. You’ll find the kind of love that is effortless. The kind that you don’t have to ask for. The kind that is given freely.
me being ignored (now that i am mature): this is fine i suppose
this is a lie im on the verge of tears
Everybody thought I’d gone crazy. The cops, my mom, everybody. But you see, they all missed the point of the story. I wasn’t crazy. But when I was holding the shotgun, it all became clear. I realized for the first time my one true calling in life.
What’s that?
Shit, man… I’m a natural born killer.
NATURAL BORN KILLERS (1994) dir. Oliver Stone
no offence but i think a lot of us me included don’t actually want romantic love as badly as we think and really are just lonely and crave a closeness and intimacy that feels out of reach in friendships because of society’s emphasis on marriage and the nuclear family so we project that into the never ending search for a perfect love and a soulmate when really we all just want to mean something to someone
Jealousy. From the series The Green Room, 1907, Edvard Munch
Medium: oil,canvas
♡ just because nobody loves you romantically doesn’t mean nobody ever will. It also doesn’t mean that you’re unattractive or not worth loving. one day you’re gonna put butterflies in someones stomach but for now just enjoy life ♡