S-A-D

18+ blog, 20 year old male. I write poems, happy and sad. It's a therapeutic practice for myself. Hopefully these help someone else as well.

[sunshine-and-depression]

No poem name here

Just a warning this is kinda depressing

Feel free to scroll past

As I walk the hallway

It gets darker

Every step

Puts me farther

From the light

I wonder why

Do I step away

Into the night

The darkness where

My heart is bound

My body lays

Without a sound

My skin will rot

The body decay

This is how

I'll fade away

Depression speaks

Like a broken record

Repeats the same things

This I've heard

I will never be

Enough

I can never

Measure up

My heart is broken

I'm in shatters

Does what I do

Really matter

I sit here alone

As always I am

I sit here alone

This wasn't my plan

Yet here I am

Here I lay

Why did I

Leave me this way

[sunshine-and-depression]

I am going on hiatus for a while. I have been on one and will keep being on one. I'm sorry. Haven't been writing poems a lot. Been internalizing most things. I'm fine. I'll be fine. This is just a goodbye, either forever or a while

[sunshine-and-depression]

Sorry for my absence

I've been working at a job and due to that my energy levels have died

[sunshine-and-depression]

[sunshine-and-depression]

I feel like I'm in a prison

Waving through a window

At the life I was never allowed to live

Depression tells me I'm horrible

Anxiety won't let me reach out

My anger scares me

The insecurities are too much

I'm not gonna do anything

But

I just feel like life could go on without me in it

[sunshine-and-depression]

I'm tired guys

Sorry for the lack of poems

I got 2 months of work placed on me, to do in 5 days, 2 of which I'm taking finals and exams on, (5 total tests). So Friday night I got hit with the work, (also my birthday), then today and tomorrow I have tests. I have a decent amount of work done

Just no energy or time for poems

And honestly my depression and anxiety are getting out of hand

Loneliness is a horrible drug yet I'm addicted to the poison

I'll post again when I can

I just

Don't know when that will be

Thanks for believing in me

[nothing-too-spectacular]

Share. Please. In honor or this nameless hero whom because of this letter he or she sent me, could save a life tonight. 

again, my box is always open.

[nothing-too-spectacular]

SIGNAL BOOST. BOX IS ALWAYS OPEN

[five-nights-five-friends-deacti]

I know this is hella long post but seriously, my inbox is open. I am serious and open-armed to anyone who needs comfort. You’ve all comforted me in my times of pain, and I love all of you, and would be grateful to return the favor.

[ask-doll-fnaf-rp-deactivated201]

My inbox is always open to those upset <:) or anyone for that matter!! We can talk and become bestest buddies… It doesn’t matter exactly what to me… What matters is that you’re happy <3 all of you

[askalicemare]

This needs to be here. Just…

[thelunaralchemist]

this is needed to be said…

[202-drawings]

i’m crying oh no

[sunshine-and-depression]

My poems are keys to my mental health

So in ways I understand

My inbox is always open

[sunshine-and-depression]

I think the hardest thing in life is how easy it is for some people to say goodbye.

[sunshine-and-depression]

Mental post, not a poem

Some days are, big days

Like everyday there is a mountain to climb

Some days you have all this energy and all the tools

But other days it feels like the mountain is laughing and you forgot all the equipment and there is a storm also you have no energy

You have to climb the mountain, but boy, it's a lot of mountain

And tomorrow's mountain is sitting right behind it

Looking even more menacing

I have 5 tests for school on Monday/Tuesday

And 2 months of work to do today and tomorrow

Just

I hate this

I'll be fine, I'll live

But that doesn't stop the pain

[sunshine-and-depression]

Life is a shooting star

So bright

Yet so fleeting

[sunshine-and-depression]

Hey all, shorter warning but still a warning. Depressing and anxious poem ahead. Just wanting. Mentions of the idea of suicide.

I'm (Not) Okay

Hey there, I'm fine

Don't worry about, my mind

I'm just sick, it's ok

Don't worry too much, look the other way

Stop asking how I am, I'm tired of lying

Stop checking in, tired of denying

I'm not fine, but I sell that lie

Don't wanna fall down, in your eyes

So I'll keep up the front, call me fake

I'm gonna keep on, like I'm great

Cry at night, when no one is there

Wonder if I belong, anywhere

Do I really matter, that's a thought

Let's ask those, they did depart

It's not that those here don't love me

Just from this past I can't ever shake free

And depression is trying, his best to drown

Anxiety says, I'm the clown

If I reach out someone will get hurt

All I do is cause pain, I'm a jerk

Keep it inside, don't let them see

Or everyone will start to leave

That's my biggest fear, it's not the night

I believe everyone will leave, without a fight

That's the real anxiety behind the scene

Why oh why is it so mean

I never asked for this, I gave my heart away

Use to see color, but now I'm feeling grey

So pardon me, if I post another rhyme

Sorry if this feels like, a waste of time

I've wanted to quit for way too long

Instead I just put my pain in a song

But how long can I repress all this pain

Trying to survive, not live, like that's a gain

[sunshine-and-depression]

Mental health warning. A ramble definitely not a poem.

I would like to clarify, on my poems, sometimes everything is as it says. I've been hurt by people I've called friends. I've had people (metaphorically) stab me in the back. I've dealt with family and friend trauma. It's real.

Now I also struggle with depression and anxiety. Some of my problems are in my head. Sometimes I overthink and hurt msyelf. I isolate but hate the loneliness.

I don't know why I randomly wanted to clarify, but I did. There are people who have legitimately hurt me, and there are things that my brain has turned into poison.

[sunshine-and-depression]

Another snippet

Maybe I'll start trying to post more of these

Mental health warning here

I feel like I'm the only one reaching

Like I'm the only one needing

I'm telling all of you that I miss

Promise this poem isn't a diss

I just find it a little funny

People hit me up in need of honey

They like my compliments and the sweet

Put me in a corner, they think I'm neat

But here is the thing I don't get

Feel free to call me a hypocrite

But if I stop reaching why aren't you there

Do you even notice the empty air

I stopped messaging first, now I'm empty

Begging people here, on my knees

Please would you love me I'll do anything

Put my worth into people the same old thing

[sunshine-and-depression]

No name but poetic piece

Mental health warning

Do you ever feel like a bother?

Like why even put in the time

Just punching in at the clock

Putting it in for a rhyme

Is this a factory I'm inside

Or some kind of prison

Will I stay in the darkness

Or will they find me risen

I feel I shouldn't reach out

That I should battle alone

Or the place I lay my head

Doesn't feel like home

So pardon me if I fight all alone

It's not that I don't need any help

I just need someone here for me

Yet I only end up trusting myself

[sunshine-and-depression]

Just a forwarning that the poem you read next could potentially be triggering. It's about mental health and how my brain thinks, and so, if that stuff bothers you, please, don't read. There is no shame in passing this by. If you do read, well, I hope maybe it can comfort you in not feeling alone.

Another Ocean

I imagine myself in a ship

Lost at sea

I'm imprisoned in this vessel

With a mirror across from me

And two dead men beside

One is the man I could have been

He has a ton of regret

The other is the man before my sin

The mirror shows me who I really am

I hate my own reflection

Upon this ship that I am on

I know the destination

The ship is called Thomas Kirk

It's sinking oh so quickly

I wonder when the ship hits the bottom

If anyone will miss me

I can't break free I can't get out

This prison has me trapped

Looking around at all the bars

I realize this is my past

And manacled to my wrist

I have two great weights

Anxiety and depression

They fill me with self hate

So I'm sorry to anyone

Who thinks I can swim

I'm sorry you trusted me

That you let me in

I'm think I'm gonna drown

In this deep ocean

Going down beneath the waves

That is the motion

[sunshine-and-depression]

Just a forwarning that the poem you read next could potentially be triggering. It's about mental health and how my brain thinks, and so, if that stuff bothers you, please, don't read. There is no shame in passing this by. If you do read, well, I hope maybe it can comfort you in not feeling alone.

Real Alone

Once you experience true loneliness

You'll never forget the taste

You'll be afraid of that flavor

It will always be there

Waiting for me to mess everything up again

That's why we have Fear

It pulls the strings out

And starts hooking me up

A puppet, a smile

Driven by the desire to not experience ALONE

Constantly afraid that every word I speak

Will be the weapon of my downfall

I'm not enough and never will be

I deserve the alone

The desert place

Where there is no life but my own

For monsters can't hurt others alone

And some may say I'm not a monster

They just don't see what I see

For if everyone saw what I saw

No one would be around

For evil things lay behind the mind

And no one is ready for all of mine

I can't fit in

I'm not enough

I'll never measure up

Because I was made to be alone

And that's the real worry

What if alone was the best for me

And everyone else too

[sunshine-and-depression]

Just a forwarning that the poem you read next could potentially be triggering. It's about mental health and how my brain thinks, and so, if that stuff bothers you, please, don't read. There is no shame in passing this by. If you do read, well, I hope maybe it can comfort you in not feeling alone.

My Heart

I opened my chest, gave you my heart

Then you started, to depart

I gave you love, you walked away

Filled me with, even more self hate

What happend to us, to who we were

Why did you leave, you left me to encure

All this self hate, plenty of rage

I feel like I am, trapped in a cage

I'm getting angry, I'm getting mad

Then I crash hard, I start to feel sad

Is this my emotions, is this my problem

I gave you some, but you couldn't solve them

Now I am hurting, I feel so broken

I have so much pain, I'd rather leave unspoken

Because you hurt me, cut me to core

When you left, we were no more

Now here I am feeling, all so alone

Surrounded by people, but you stole my home

Let you into my life, how did you repay

Put a knife in back, guess that is your way

So now I guess lonely, is how I should feel

I can't let anyone, ever get near

You ruined life for me, I hope you're happy

You flushed me away, I feel so crappy

I feel myself slipping, to a dark place

Loneliness I, start to embrace

So pardon me, if I act so meek

Behind this strength, I feel so weak

My heart is broken, it beats no more

I lost the key, for that locked door

I wanted to love, you wanted to hate

Say what you will, but I don't like this fate

So pardon me, if I cry in a corner

Playing on my phone, calling a coroner

Because the man I was, he is dead

Let's bury him deep, where he can't use his head