15 years… and my thoughts
Hello! It’s that time again where I post a small update that I can read two years later and cringe over! Oh how I cringe!!!
yet, here I am.
I was talking my mom and some friends about this… not the whole cringing thing (though that’s implied I suppose), but actually how different I feel every two to three years. I consistently look back, reflect and I feel so silly for a moment before I’m entirely forgiving of myself. I’ve learned, why would I ruminate?
It seems so obvious in retrospect, of course there’s growth and development. I learn from experience like most. But it feels rapid and different - maybe deeper? Everything in my life is established; my career, my relationships, my home. But my mind? My perspective - OOF. Maybe it’s because we expect so much change in our youth that I didn’t expect so much now? Maybe it’s because this is my first time experiencing stability. I’m not sure. I could easily point fingers at my parents who seemingly made the same mistakes over and over again. Who stayed the same, sometimes even devolving with their reliance on drugs and alcohol. Maybe that stunted them - I don’t know lol.
All I know, is that life has shown me that change is inevitable if not constant. (So original, right!)
I think about the first album I’d ever purchased for myself. It was Hilary Duff’s metamorphosis. In elementary school biology, when my teacher asked what this word meant - my hand shot up! Couldn’t tell you what I said, just that I was so proud to know that it meant a drastic change and it related to butterflies loooool. But the word has always stuck with me.
I’m shedding my skin, encasing myself in a cocoon, turning into mush and reforming into something beautiful. Somehow I have a better understanding of myself and others. It’s like magic!
I’m so thankful that I am growing. That I’m forgiving of my mistakes, of my stupid thoughts and dumb opinions that I probably shared with far too much confidence and not enough knowledge. Or silly white lies that I’m not even sure why I told. Or my thoughtlessness with fostering friendships and taking things for granted. I look back at these things without self hatred, or malice and I feel healed!
I should also probably think about why I chose to focus on mistakes in the previous paragraph and not everything else that changes a person but let’s just agree to table that for another time?
ANYWAYS - this is all to say that I really enjoy being in my 30’s. And I can’t wait to reflect on this time much later in life and laugh at myself for all of the things that I thought I knew and didn’t.
this blog is 15 years old. It’s a little archive of my life and my thoughts. It’s cringe. It was me. It is me? Ill think about it and let you know in 2029 💜
I’ve linked my TikTok below if you’re curious enough and want to see me occasionally publish something.
