why, what an ass am i!

Shakespeare and the classics, but superpowered. Accepting asks directed towards characters! (character info is tagged "character sheet"!) (currently on a hiatus. sorry lmao)

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hapby new year to the mods :3

ahhhhh thank ye kindly!

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here’s a flower for your troubles 🌺

awwww thank you!!! 💙 (do i spy an ophelia reference?)

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mods: how are you

Ah, we've been really busy with school lately. We apologise very deeply for the inactivity on this blog. We're doing fine, though!

[scotlandsladies]

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Horatio: I am pleased to present Prince Hamlet of Denmark. We have come to ally with you against King Claudius.

Caithness: omg he's so small

Angus: ya no why is he tiny

Macbeth: are all Danes this small???

Hamlet, to Horatio:

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for the hero vs hero thing: all the goddamn thanes vs macbeth the man is literally unstoppable

ooh I'm imagining some kickass animated fight sequence now

Macbeth, of course: strong telepathy & telekinesis (but nowhere near as strong as Val during his power trip).

The thanes: an archer, a D&D bard, a shield-summoner, another cooler archer, and an infrared scope.

If Menteith gets any music out of his instrument, Macbeth loses, so Macbeth would probably go after him first.

The rest of the thanes would rush to his aid, and Angus and Macbeth would be pretty evenly matched in combat (with Macbeth maybe having just a bit of an upper hand). Ross and Caithness would stay back and fire bows from afar, and if Macbeth ever tried to hide, Lennox could find him.

Macbeth's telepathy is only strong enough to fully incapacitate one or two people at once, though he could use telekinesis to throw about three or four of the thanes around.

Ultimately, he's outnumbered unless he can take down one of the thanes first.

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six word horror story: ancients edition

Unfortunately, Cawdor was once again single.

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for the hero vs other hero thing, Mercutio & Tybalt

making the boyfriends fight each other? that's mean (lol)

Tybalt would immediately win. Mercutio can only mimic others' appearances, not their powers. All Tybalt would have to do is get big and then... squish

Alternatively, Mercutio could try to talk his way out of the confrontation, which probably has a 10% chance of success

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not to be evil but: osbjorn vs macbeth

oh, this is evil

If this ever happens, Osbjorn is dead. There's no contest. Macbeth's telepathic/telekinetic powers are so powerful, he could stop Osbjorn from a distance and incapacitate him.

The only way Osbjorn could hope to win is by sneaking up on Macbeth and attacking him, but Macbeth's a soldier--his senses are keen, and it'd be tough to slip past him.

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ill bite: Sutherland against oberon

Oberon could punt the little fucker, but only if Sutherland doesn't climb him first.

power-wise, Oberon could definitely overwhelm Sutherland with an army of vegetation, but Sutherland could also just hurl rocks and earth at things until they stop moving.

it's honestly down to who acts first, but my money's on Sutherland.

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cawdor vs macbeth. GET HIS ASS

ok so this one is interesting:

Macbeth could technically telekinetically incapacitate Cawdor. But if we assume that Cawdor's had something to eat beforehand, he could easily overpower Macbeth. It's really a matter of who hits who first.

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quick question: if you could pit any two characters against each other in a fight...

who would it be? who would you expect to win?

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Mercutio: got my mind in the gutter, that's why they call me Pennywise

Benvolio: it's 3 am. please come back to bed

[narratorstragedy]

the reason why lear tried to let the fool go into that hovel first during the storm was not because he was finally learning compassion. it was because he knew the fool was gay and he’s a homophobic old man so he tried to shove the fool back into the first closet-like thing he saw. in this essay i will

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Friendly reminder that Cawdor is. 5'8"

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Duncan: Cawdor, are you alright? Your battle performance seems to be suffering as of late...

Macdonwald, knowing full well Cawdor forgot his jerky stash at home and has no actual access to his powers unless he kills a fellow soldier or scavenges on the battlefield: he's just fatigued m'lord

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Benedick: I'm gonna go put hand sanitizer on my hands and then light them on fire!

Hero: You're an idiot.

Beatrice: And a coward. Use rubbing alcohol.