Supertecmosuperbowl

One season with every team. Written by: Gianpaolo Santarelli

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New England Patriots: Week 3 vs. Pittsburgh Steelers

Patriots QB Steve Grogan turned the ball over three times before leading a late comeback attempt that fell short against the Steelers. 

Grogan lost a fumble and threw two interceptions which contributed to the Patriots being down by 10 points late in the fourth quarter. Grogan hit TE Marv Cook for a touchdown with 0:24 left in the game, but the Patriots could not recover the ensuing onside kick. 

NOTES:

-It only took three games for Tecmo Steve Grogan to reveal the dark Grogan heart that beats beneath his ruggedly handsome Grogan exterior. Controlling him is like trying to play NES while wearing mittens. 

-Problems with my ancient NES and being out of town have caused the delay in new posts. I may have to switch to emulation like the impure wretch that I am. I apologize to the zero people who regularly read this. 

Final Score: PATRIOTS 21 Pittsburgh 24

Season Record: 2-1

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New England Patriots: Week 2 vs. Cleveland Browns

The Patriots defense gave up some long drives but played well enough in the red zone to secure the win over the Browns. 

Cleveland’s first three offensive possessions resulted in field goal attempts with kicker Jerry Kauric making two of them. The Patriots failed to convert a fourth down on their first drive of the game but then responded with touchdowns by tight end Marv Cook (receiving) and running back Marvin Allen (rushing) to take a lead that they would not relinquish. 

NOTES:

-Steve Grogan was sharp once again, completing 77% of his passes with three touchdowns.

-I’m writing this on the day Tom Brady is coming back from his Deflategate suspension to beat up on the Browns. Ooh Tommy’s mad. Watch out. 

-Most interesting thing learned: Browns kicker Jerry Kauric was a Canadian Football League hero, kicking the game winning filed goal in the 1987 Grey Cup for the Edmonton Eskimos. He followed that kick with what must be the all-time greatest mean mug by a kicker. 

Final Score: PATRIOTS 28 Cleveland 13

Season Record: 2-0

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New England Patriots: Week 1 vs. Indianapolis Colts

Colts QB Jeff George threw two first quarter interceptions to Maurice Hurst, which helped the Patriots build a 28-7 halftime lead that allowed New England to coast to an easy victory. 

Patriots quarterback Steve Grogan, benefiting from good field position after the turnovers, threw a touchdown to tight end Marv Cook and two to running back John Stephens in the first half. Stephens also had a long touchdown run on the Patriots opening drive.

NOTES:

-Steve Grogan was solid today at QB, but there are some dark clouds gathering in the distance. His slow-traveling lob passes caused him to miss some completions that most Tecmo quarterbacks would make. Long throws were especially tough as defenders had plenty of time to track his passes and break them up. Teams with better defensive backs than the Colts would have turned some of his incompletions into interceptions. 

-According to tecmogeek.com, the most beautiful of all Tecmo websites, Grogan’s backup Marc Wilson is almost twice as good as he is. But will I bench Steve Grogan? Absolutely not. I made a pledge to myself when I started this blog to play the game in its purest form. That means no messing with the lineups or playbooks. 

-On the other hand, will I hope that Tecmo Super Grogan gets injured at some point? Maybe. We’ll see how the season goes. 

-Another dark cloud on the horizon: in spite of the lopsided score, this wasn’t that dominant of a performance. I actually punted once, which is unheard of in a week one Tecmo game. And Grogan somehow only ranks tenth best in the NFL for passer rating. Your quarterback is almost always first after week one in Tecmo, which usually is just a warmup before the game’s difficulty ramps up as the season progresses. 

Final Score: PATRIOTS 35 Colts 10

Season Record: 1-0

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Season Preview: New England Patriots

The New England Patriots are currently known as either a model NFL franchise or some evil combination of the nWo and the Adams College Atoms from Revenge of the Nerds, depending on how one feels about them. 

But in 1990 they were a mess, posting a record of 1-15.  The franchise’s earlier peak of appearing in Super Bowl XX, where they were crushed by the legendary 1985 Bears in both the actual game as well as the unofficial music video making competition, was far in the rear view mirror: 

The Tecmo Super Patriots are anchored by QB Steve Grogan, who was a decent player in his day. But in 1990, he was in his 16th and final season and his real life broken-downess is reflected in his dismal Tecmo ratings. Tecmo Super Steve Grogan is basically the anti-Bo Jackson: a video game athlete who is legendary because of his weakness and general ineptitude instead of his greatness. 

This will be a bigger challenge than when I tried to win it all with Jeff George, but I’ve learned so much since then. I am up to the task. 

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Miami Dolphins: Super Bowl vs. San Francisco 49ers

The Dolphins, while overmatched from a talent standpoint, managed to control every aspect of the game on their way to a surprisingly easy Super Bowl win. 

The Dolphins offense used methodical drives featuring short, precision passes by Dan Marino to dictate the game’s tempo and score touchdowns on all three of its first half drives. 

The defense did its part as well, sacking 49er Quarterback Joe Montana three times in the first half and five times total. Miami also recovered fullback Tom Rathman’s fumble in the red zone as the Dolphins built a commanding 21-0 halftime lead. 

In the second half, Miami’s offense slowed down but its defense continued to dominate as neither team scored in the third quarter.   

The 49ers got a glimmer of hope when halfback Roger Craig broke loose for a long touchdown run to open the fourth quarter. But Miami shut the door by responding with another time consuming drive that ended with a triumphant Marino rushing for a two yard touchdown. 

NOTES:

-Sometimes the Tecmo Gods smile upon you and sometimes they beat your skull like a drum. In this game I was smiled upon. I must have guessed what play the 49ers were running six or seven times, which resulted in all those sacks of Montana. Also Charles Haley, who dominated the Super Bowl when I played as the Colts, was in “bad” condition for the game and wasn’t much of a factor. 

-Another way the Tecmo Gods smiled upon me: this is the first Tecmo Super Bowl season I remember playing where not a single player on my team got injured. Usually, at least your kick returner will miss time. 

-I might be more afraid of the Tecmo Super Bowl 49ers than any other video game enemy from the NES universe. You can guess the play and have a defensive back on Jerry Rice and Montana will still find him sometimes. I hate them even more than these guys:

-Much like the real-life Super Bowl XIX, when the 49ers easily handled the Dolphins, this game ended up being less than a “Super Shoot-Out.” However, this time, in Tecmo world, it was Marino who… had the most bullets in his gun…. or something like that.   

-Next season I’ll go from one end of the QB spectrum to the other when I will control The New England Patriots and their much-maligned signal caller Steve Grogan. 

Final Score: DOLPHINS 28 San Francisco 7

Season Record: 17-2

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Miami Dolphins: AFC Championship vs. Seattle Seahawks

The Seahawks showed resilience during their surprise appearance in the AFC Championship Game, but they ultimately couldn’t keep up with Miami’s offense. 

Seattle, who stunned the mighty Tecmo Buffalo Bills in the divisional round, initially looked like they wouldn’t put up much resistance. Miami scored quickly on the game’s opening drive and then forced a Seattle punt. It seemed like the Dolphins would soon be up by two scores, but Seahawks linebacker Rufus Porter strip-sacked Dan Marino and returned the ball into Miami territory. Dave Krieg then hit tight end Ron Heller for a touchdown on the opening play of the second quarter to even the score. 

But over the next two quarters, Miami was able to slowly build a lead as Seattle’s offense could only produce two Norm Johnson field goals in response to touchdown catches by Tony Paige and Ferrell Edmonds. 

The Seahawks hung around until late in the fourth quarter, when Marino hit Mark Clayton for a TD that extended the Dolphins advantage to 28-13. Krieg quickly found wide receiver Brian Blades for a score, but it came with less than a minute left in the game. Seattle failed to recover the ensuing onside kick, which ended their dream season and sent Miami to the Super Bowl.   

NOTES:

-If there were two point conversions in the Tecmo Bowl era, I would have been sweating out that onside kick. I can’t believe we used to watch games without two point conversions. I guess younger people will wonder how we suffered through the age of kicked extra points being more or less automatic. And fans in the none too distant future will wonder how we ever watched games before field goals counted for five points if the ball hit the small holographic red circle in the center of the uprights. 

-I was a little worried about facing the two-headed monster running back combo of John L. Williams and Derrick Fenner. They turned out not to be as fearsome as Bo Jackson/Marcus Allen or Christian Okoye/Barry Word or even Albert Bentley/Ivy Jo Hunter. 

-Ron Heller caught his touchdown with the mighty Louis Oliver draped all over him. According to Tecmo Geek, the most beautiful of Tecmo websites, Ron Heller, who is Seattle’s starting tight end, is the second worst starting receiver in the game and ranks 273rd out of the 280 players who can possibly catch a pass in Tecmo Super Bowl. 

-Ron Heller is now some sort of finance person in the Santa Barbara, CA area. He uses a photo from his 49ers days as his Linkedin profile picture.

Final Score: DOLPHINS: 28 Seattle: 20

Season Record: 16-2

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Miami Dolphins: Divisional Round vs. Houston Oilers

Late in the third quarter with the Dolphins down by two points and Houston threatening to go up by two scores, Miami linebacker John Offerdahl took over the game and saved the Dolphins season. 

After a safety that put the Oilers up 16-14 late in the third quarter, Houston quarterback Warren Moon drove his team to the Dolphins 15 yard line and looked to give them a commanding lead going into the fourth quarter. But Offerdahl would record two of his four sacks on the next three plays to hold the Oilers to a Luis Zendejas field goal attempt. But Zendejas’ try was no good.  Dan Marino took over and led the Dolphins offense quickly down the field, finding Tony Paige over the middle for a long touchdown with 2:11 left in the game.

Houston still had a chance to regain the lead, but Offerdahl came up big again on the Oilers final drive, stuffing Moon and running back Lorenzo White for losses on runs up the middle as Houston turned the ball over on downs. 

The Dolphins would take over and not relinquish possession, with Dan Marino running for a touchdown on the game’s last play to put an exclamation point on the Miami victory. 

NOTES:

-The safety occurred because somebody texted me during a kickoff and I got distracted, allowing Marc Logan to get tackled in his own end zone. If I had thrown the whole season away because of texting while Tecmo-ing, I don’t know how I would have been be able to live with myself. 

-The Tecmo Miami Dolphins will next be facing the Seattle Seahawks, who are making a rare appearance in the AFC Championship after upsetting the mighty Buffalo Bills 17-14. Seattle is one of teams I am least familiar with in Tecmo Super Bowl so it should be interesting(to me, not anyone else). 

Final Score: DOLPHINS: 28 Houston: 16

Season Record: 15-2

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Miami Dolphins: Week 17 vs. New York Jets

The Dolphins couldn’t generate much offense other than tight end Ferrell Edmonds catching passes from Dan Marino over the middle. But it was all they needed in their rout of the Jets. 

Edmonds’ six receptions accounted for 145 of the Dolphins 189 total yards on offense. He also caught two touchdown passes.  

And while New York outgained Miami by a comfortable margin on offense, they struggled to convert in the red zone. The Jets first drive of the game went all the way to the Miami eight yard line before they settled for a Pat Leahy field goal. In the third quarter, a promising drive ended when Jets QB Ken O’Brien (known as  “Ken O.Brien” in the Tecmo universe) lost a fumble which Dolphins nose tackle Shawn Lee returned 65 yards for a touchdown. 

NOTES:

-I have failed. I was unable to intercept Ken O.Brien with Louis Oliver while San Francisco’s Dave Waymer recorded  an interception in the 49ers final game. I’m sorry #25, I let you down and cost you the league lead in interceptions. Let’s put it behind us and get ready for the playoffs. 

Final Score: DOLPHINS: 37 New York Jets: 16

Season Record: 14-2 

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Miami Dolphins: Week 16 vs. San Diego Chargers

In the first quarter, it appeared that the Chargers had found a formula for beating the Tecmo Super Dolphins. Dan Marino was sacked four times on the first two Miami drives and struggled to find open receivers. Then San Diego QB Billy Joe Tolliver found Anthony Miller in the end zone to give the Chargers a 7-0 lead at the end of the first quarter. 

But after that, Marino’s receivers began getting separation when Ferrell Edmonds got loose for a fifty yard TD reception as the Dolphins outscored the Chargers 23-3 in the game’s last three quarters. 

NOTES:

-Marino was sacked six times total, three times each by Lee Williams and Burt Grossman. I thought for sure we were going to see the season debut of Miami backup QB Scott Mitchell. 

-Karl Wilson tackled Tolliver in the end zone for a safety in the third quarter. 

-Hugh Green blocked the extra point after San Diego’s touchdown. 

-Louis Oliver is tied with San Francisco’s Dave Waymer for the Tecmo league lead in interceptions going into the final game of the season. I feel like I will be letting down him, myself, and all of South Florida if I can’t get Oliver another interception or two in Week 17.

Final Score: DOLPHINS 23 San Diego 9

Season Record: 13-2

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Miami Dolphins: Week 15 vs. Cincinnati Bengals

The Bengals could not overcome early mistakes as their game against Miami quickly turned into a rout. 

Cincinnati quarterback Boomer Esiason was sacked in his own end zone on the Bengals first drive of the game by John Offerdahl and fumbled away the ball. Cliff Odom recovered it for a touchdown to put the Dolphins up 14-0. 

It appeared that the Bengals were going to get back in the game on their next drive when Ickey Woods broke free for a long run before being tackled at the Miami one yard line. But on the next play, John Offerdahl and Cliff Odom teamed up again with Offerdahl forcing a James Brooks fumble and Odom recovering the loose ball. 

NOTES:

-Marc Logan had his third kickoff return TD of the season, this time taking a free kick after a safety in for a score. The rest of the league still hasn’t returned a kickoff for a touchdown. The rest of the league is WEAK. Tecmo Marc Logan is STRONG. 

-The Dolphins locked up the AFC East title with the win. The juggernaut Buffalo Bills, who I have never seen miss the playoffs in Tecmo Super Bowl, are 8-6 and fighting for a wild card spot. 

Final Score: DOLPHINS 37 Cincinnati 9

Season Record: 12-2

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Miami Dolphins: Week 14 vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Dan Marino showed surprising efficiency running the ball in leading the Dolphins to a victory over Tampa Bay. 

Marino scored the first points of the game with a short touchdown run after a long completion to Tony Paige put the Dolphins inside Tampa Bay’s five yard line on the game’s opening drive. Then in the fourth quarter, the slow-footed Dolphins quarterback put the game out of reach with another rush to the end zone. 

NOTES:

-Marino rushed ten times for fifty yards and two TDs. 

-The Buccaneers Vinny Tesaverde, another(less successful) hard-throwing, slow-running Italian-American quarterback, ran for a touchdown of his own in the fourth quarter to make the score more respectable. He also had 64 rushing yards on just three carries. 

-Dolphins linebacker Hugh Green blocked a Steve Christie extra point in the first quarter. 

Final Score: DOLPHINS 28 Tampa Bay 16

Season Record: 11-2

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Miami Dolphins: Week 13 vs. Chicago Bears

The Bears offense had trouble moving the ball without superstar running back Neal Anderson, and Miami cruised to a 17-7 win.

Chicago could not sustain drives without the injured Anderson as future super coach and khaki pants enthusiast Jim Harbaugh threw two interceptions and RB Brad Muster lost a fumble. 

NOTES: 

-The Bears lone touchdown came on a long run by Muster near the end of the first half. 

-Tecmo Dan Marino threw a pair of short touchdowns to Mark Duper. 

-When they made Tecmo Super Bowl, no one could have foreseen that Harbaugh would become the legendary Captain Comeback when he got an unlikely Colts squad to within one failed hail mary attempt of reaching Super Bowl XXX. When the game was created, Harbaugh was just one of the many not so great Bears QBs Mike Ditka tried to use to replace the departed Jim McMahon. Tecmo Harbaugh’s puny Steve Grogan-esque ability ratings reflect this. 

-The great Louis Oliver had yet another interception. I’m running out of ways to praise South Florida’s best retro video game safety/real-life party promoter. 

Final Score: DOLPHINS 17 Chicago 7

Season Record: 10-2

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Miami Dolphins: Week 12 vs. Buffalo Bills

Buffalo’s Thurman Thomas broke a long a run as time expired but was brought down by Louis Oliver at the Miami 13 yard line to preserve a 13-7 Dolphins victory.

The game between two of the league’s best offenses turned out to be a defensive battle. Dolphins kicker Pete Stoyanovich connected on his first two field goal attempts of the season and punter Reggie Roby also made his debut as the Miami offense struggled to find the end zone. 

NOTES:

-Louis Oliver recorded his league-leading 11th interception against QB Bills aka Jim Kelly in the first quarter in addition to making the game saving tackle. There’s truly nothing he can’t do. 

Final Score: DOLPHINS 13 Buffalo 7

Season Record: 9-2

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Miami Dolphins: Week 11 vs. New England Patriots

The Dolphins avenged their earlier loss to the Patriots with a dominating performance. 

The two teams exchanged a total of three turnovers in a scoreless first quarter, but a long TD reception by Mark Duper to open the second was the first of five unanswered Miami touchdowns. 

NOTES:

-Louis Oliver intercepted Steve Grogan on the game’s opening drive. Louis Oliver is also promoting a party this weekend featuring Migos and Jim Jones. 

-Dan Marino got back on track by completing over 80% of his passes for 316 yards and five touchdowns. Three of those scores were hauled in by Mark Duper. After hitting a rough patch before the bye week, Marino, the man with the best hair in football, has been on fire. 

Final Score: DOLPHINS 35 New England 0

Season Record: 8-2

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Miami Dolphins: Week 10 vs. Indianapolis Colts

A long touchdown run by Colts running back Albert Bentley brought Indianapolis to within six points of the Dolphins in the third quarter. But Miami quickly ended any hopes of an upset by scoring three unanswered touchdowns to close out the game. 

Early Dolphins miscues kept the game close in the first half, where Tony Paige and Dan Marino each lost a fumble. The Colts defense, however, had no other way to slow down Miami’s passing attack, ultimately allowing five touchdowns through the air.

NOTES:

-It hurts to beat up on Tecmo Super Jeff George. We went through so much together during my Colts season. 

-John Offerdahl sacked Jeff George in the end zone for a safety and later forced an Albert Bentley fumble that was recovered by none other than South Florida’s greatest party promoter Louis Oliver (far left). 

-Jarvis Williams and Tim McKyer each intercepted a Jeff George pass. In addition to the two picks, George completed a miserable 12% of his passes for 20 yards. 

Final Score: DOLPHINS 37 Indianapolis 10

Season Record: 7-2

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Miami Dolphins: Week 9

The Tecmo Super Dolphins have a bye this week. They’ll be chilling South Beach style and getting ready for their next game.  

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Miami Dolphins: Week 8 vs. Houston Oilers

Miami’s Marc Logan returned the overtime period’s opening kickoff for a touchdown to stun the Oilers. 

Dan Marino was intercepted twice by Houston’s Richard Johnson, who also helped send the game to overtime by recovering a Tony Paige fumble at the Oilers ten yard line with 0:10 left in regulation. 

Notes:

-I have to say, Tecmo Dan Marino has been a disappointment thus far. His arc-less laser passes are turning out to be easy pickings for opposing defenders. They’re actually making me miss Tecmo Jeff George’s lobs. 

-Tecmo Super Marc Logan now has two kickoff returns for touchdowns. The rest of the NFL has none. NONE. Bow down.  

Final Score: DOLPHINS 27 Houston 21

Season Record: 6-2